


Jumper

by supershadsy



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Slow Build, Suicide Attempt, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-25 06:44:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 53
Words: 182,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3800722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supershadsy/pseuds/supershadsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lloyd and Colette are college roommates, living their daily lives with little trouble, when Lloyd talks down a stranger from jumping off a bridge to his death. The stranger, Zelos, soon becomes entwined in their lives, sparking an intriguing variable in their day to day routine. (Setting is sometime in the mid to late 00's.) <b>Now complete.</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Birthday

_"Surprise!"_

Colette Brunel nearly shut herself out of her own apartment when she heard the yell. She shakily stepped back inside to see her two best friends around a table, grinning and wearing party hats. She saw Lloyd first--Lloyd Irving, with the biggest, widest smile she had ever seen, brown spiked hair smashed under the hat. Lloyd, her roommate for a year now and closest friend growing up. "Happy birthday, Colette!" he cheered. "Check out the cake!"

She shrugged her backpack off her shoulders, adjusting her long, blonde hair as she did so. "It looks great!" she said. In reality, it was a little homely--lovingly hand iced in chocolate with blue writing. "Happy Birthday!" was neatly written.

"I did the icing," Sheena Fujibayashi said, her hands proudly on her hips. "Lloyd baked it, so if it's awful, blame him." She grinned and jabbed him in the side.

"Hey! This is Genis' recipe, so it has to be good!" Lloyd insisted. "Anyway, sit down! I'll cut you a slice."

Colette settled in at their tiny kitchen table as Lloyd cut into the cake. "Oh, you made yellow cake! My favorite!" she squealed. Inadvertently, her stomach growled, loud enough for everyone to hear. "Hehe, I guess I'm hungry--"

"Did you have any dinner?" Sheena asked. "I brought some ramen from the store, if you want some later on--"

"No, it's okay. Even though your family's ramen is delicious."

"Do they let you just take food home like that?" Lloyd asked, dishing out slices of cake to everyone.

"Uh, hello, I practically _live_ there," Sheena sighed, shrugging. "I can get udon and sushi whenever I want."

"Is it weird working with your family?" Colette asked, taking a bite of cake. "Mm, this is delicious, Lloyd!"

He beamed, puffing out his chest. "Thanks."

"It's stressful," Sheena said, staring out into space. "If someone gets on someone else's nerves, there's no where else to go. You're constantly in each other's pockets, and suddenly everything's personal."

"Yeah," Lloyd agreed through a mouthful of cake. "Dad and I sometimes get into it at the hardware store. But, it's usually only two of us, so it's not so bad. You've got a big family, Sheena."

"Yup, and everyone has their own little thing to complain about."

"Jeez, that's awful," Colette commented.

"It's just how it is." Sheena said, waving her hand. "Anyway, enough about that. Today's your day! What do you want to do tonight?"

"You're 21!" Lloyd exclaimed. "We should go and find a nice place to get your first drink."

Colette giggled, but her eyes stared down at her half-eaten cake. "Yeah, that sounds cool..."

"Hey, there's a new club that just opened up across the bridge," Sheena said. "It's called Altamira, and apparently it's really hip. We should check it out!"

"Are they even open?" Lloyd asked, keeping one eye on Colette. "It's the middle of the week..."

"Probably. It might be quiet though. Besides, that's even better! We'll have the place to ourselves. What do you say?"

"Um..." Colette fidgeted in her hands. "I-I guess we can go to check it out..."

"Colette." Lloyd scooted closer to her and rubbed her back. "Are you sure? It's your day. We don't have to go if you don't want to."

"I know," she said, lifting her head, but still not looking at Lloyd or Sheena. "I just...I spent most of the morning with my parents, then I went right to class, so I haven't had much time to relax."

"Well, we can go some other time--" Sheena began.

Colette whipped her head up. "But I--!" She huffed. "I kinda want to go, but I don't know if I _want_ to go, you know?"

"Hm." Lloyd stroked his chin with a furrowed brow. "Well, how about this: we can go over, check it out, and if you're not feeling good, we come back right away, and watch a movie together or something."

"I've got some DVD's at my place, we can swing by if we have to." Sheena said. "So, are we all good?"

Colette smiled. "Yeah!" She took another big bite of cake. "I'll be okay as long as I'm with you guys."

"Great!" Sheena leaped up, snapping the party hat off her head and fluffing her ponytail. "Let's get going then while it's still early. I'll drive." She held up her keys, adorned with a little bell that jingled when she shook them.

"Shotgun!" Lloyd cried, taking off his own hat and stuffing what was left of his cake slice (easily twice the size of what he gave Sheena and Colette) into his mouth with his hand.

"Lloyd, you _always_ get shotgun!" Colette complained, pinching his waist playfully. But, her voice was light, her smile giddy. Lloyd caught it full force, and a flush rose to his face, leaving him light headed.

"Yeah, let the birthday girl sit in front," Sheena said, already at the door. "Don't forget to lock up."

"Duh." Lloyd said, his own keys between his finger. Colette lingered behind him as he stuffed his wallet in his back pocket. "You ready, Colette?"

"I think so," she said. She had grabbed a purse and was rummaging through it. "Do I look okay to go out?" she asked.

Lloyd couldn't help but beam at her. "Sure you do. You always do."

It was Colette's turn to blush. She giggled and closed up her purse, rushing past Lloyd out the door. He lightly placed a hand on her back as she passed, snapping the light off with his other hand.

"C'mon, love birds, I've already got the car started!" Sheena called from the parking lot below.

"Hey! We're not love birds!" Lloyd retorted, watching Colette bounce down to the car and slide into the front seat. _Maybe not yet,_ he thought, _but...I can't picture myself living with anyone else besides her. We've been friends since we were kids_ _, growing up, all through high school, even now when we're both in college. We're here living together. It's nice._

_I hope things never change._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, welcome aboard, reader! This fic is probably going to end up a bit long, and yes, it starts in act one. Although you shouldn't have to wait too long for the good stuff. We'll meet Zelos soon enough. Thanks for reading, and I hope you'll stick around!


	2. Club

The bass of the speakers vibrated deep as the three entered Club Altamira. "This is so loud!" Colette yelled, covering her ears.

"Yeah, most places are like this," Sheena replied, showing her ID to the bouncer at the door. "Guys, get your ID's."

"Oh yeah," Lloyd said, whipping out his wallet. Colette was last, and after the bouncer squinted at the fine print, he smirked. "Today your birthday?" the bouncer asked.

"Yeah!" she said, giving an exaggerated nod.

"Don't get too wild," the bouncer said, giving back her ID, and ushered them further into the club.

It was a very small place, or at least felt like it with all the people milling around. There was a bar in the middle of the room, taking up most of the space, with a dance floor on one side, and some benches on the other. Despite its size, everything was sparkling: the floor, the barstools, the lights and walls. It had not yet been tainted by drunken fights or the thick smell of booze. "Not too bad," Sheena said to the others. "I've been to a lot seedier places than this. C'mon, let's grab a seat at the bar."

They were lucky to find three open stools strung together, and Sheena flagged down the bartender. "Can I get a rum and coke?" she asked. The bartender nodded and immediately went right to work--even her face was fresh. "What do you guys want?" Sheena asked Lloyd and Colette, who had been following close behind.

"I think I'm gonna just have a beer," Lloyd said. He wrapped an arm around Colette's shoulder, who although seated in between her friends, had shrunk from the noise and commotion. "You okay, Colette?"

"Yeah." It was not convincing. She seemed to be overloaded by the lights and sounds. "I don't know what to get though..."

"You can try some of mine and see how you like it," Sheena said, just as the bartender delivered her drink. She handed over a handful of bills and slid the drink her way. The glass glistened in the flashing lights. "It's pretty standard."

As Lloyd ordered his drink, Colette took a small sip from the stirring straw nestled in the drink. Immediately, she made a face and shook her head. "It tastes like cough syrup," she winced.

"What about just a hard lemonade?" Lloyd suggested as he was delivered a frosted mug and a bottle. He saw Colette eying it curiously as he poured it into the mug. "Nah, you're not going to like this. If you didn't like that, this'll make you hurl."

Sheena stuck out her tongue. "Beer's a man's drink anyway." She winked at Colette, who returned it with a shaky smile. "Hard lemonade then?"

"S-sure." Colette's hands had began to relax in her lap. "Can I still try that?" she said, pointing to Lloyd's mug.

He was in mid drink, but he shrugged. "You aren't gonna like it," he insisted.

"Just a sip." She took the mug in both hands, and Lloyd marveled at how small it made her look. Again, she immediately made a face. "Oh, yuck! This is even worse..."

"Told you so," he said as she scraped her tongue against her teeth, attempting to rid herself of the taste. "You didn't have alcohol with Dad and I, or with your family before, did you?"

She shook her head. Sheena slid her over a glass with the hard lemonade, affectionately adorned with an umbrella and a straw (as well as an extra couple dollars to the bartender). "If you're not used to it, it's hard to get into it. It's not everyone's thing." Sheena watched as Colette took a sip of the lemonade without cringing. "My kid sister's the same way. When we have sake together, she refuses to have any."

"This is okay," Colette said, smiling a little. "It's still got a weird aftertaste though."

"Just don't drink it too fast," Lloyd advised. "Shouldn't have too much in there anyway, but you're still a beginner." He rubbed her back.

"You're not too far off Lloyd," Sheena remarked, raising an eyebrow. "You turned 21 four months ago."

"Still!"

"Excuse me." A smooth voice came from Sheena's opposite side, close enough to her ear to draw her attention. The man was thin and pale, with long red hair that nearly reached his waist. His eyes glimmered a light blue in the dim bar. "Can I buy you a drink?" he asked her.

Sheena drew back. "Are you trying to hit on me?" she said, on the defensive. Lloyd and Colette looked on beside her. "I just got my drink."

He signaled the bartender anyway. "One of the same and a whiskey shot," he said, then lazily leaned on the counter. "You'll have one for later. What's your name, my voluptuous beauty?"

"Ugh!" She covered her well endowed chest. "Get out of here, creep!"

"What? I've barely done anything." His tone seemed rehearsed. The same smile lingered on his face, but it didn't reach his eyes. They flickered over first to Lloyd, then Colette. "Maybe I could talk to your cute friend over there instead."

"Nuh-uh, don't you even _dare,"_ Sheena spat, blocking them from his view.

"Sheena--" Colette piped, but she stood her ground.

"Don't, don't even entertain this guy," she said firmly, glaring at him. "Guys who try and pick up girls at bars like this are _always_ creeps. Get out of here--" She curled her hand into a fist. "--or I'll give you a reason to!"

His eyes had dropped down to her chest, but he jerked back at her threat. Still, his expression did not shift much, as he merely shrugged and stood up. "Suit yourself." The drinks arrived, and he gave the bartender a bill and waved at her to keep it. Her eyes grew wide as she stuffed it in her apron. The man pushed the extra rum and coke to Sheena, still under her deathly gaze, but took his whiskey shot and downed it in a single gulp. "I'll be over here with these ladies if you change your mind." He winked and turned, walking over to the benches, picking an empty spot between two women, and proceeded to stare at the ceiling.

Sheena whirled in her seat and angrily took a gulp of her first drink. "Asshole," she cursed.

"He didn't seem that creepy," Colette said, peering over her shoulder to him.

"Sure, that's how they always are. Then they're grabbing your tits and trying to smack your ass!" She slammed her fist down on the counter. "I don't trust men!"

 

"What about me?" Lloyd asked, leaning over.

"Are we really going to do this?" Sheena huffed, teeth grating. "You're fine, Lloyd, you don't hit on random women in bars and try to get them to sleep with you. That's not the point..."

"But something seemed kinda off about that, don't you think?" Lloyd continued. The man was still sitting between the two women, but he didn't appear to be with them. "It was like he was going through the motions."

"Whatever," Sheena said. "I'll be fine as long as I never see him again. What are the chances, anyway?"

Colette was staring down into her lemonade, still half full, and leaning against Lloyd's shoulder. "Guys, I don't think..."

"Hm?" Lloyd said, close to her ear.

She bit her lip. "I don't think I want to stay too long. It's really too loud here..."

"That's okay, we can go." Lloyd nodded to Sheena. "Right?"

"Let me finish my drink," she said, taking the rest of the glass in one gulp. "Let's walk around outside first, though. I can't drive right away."

"I can drive us home, Sheena," Lloyd said, sliding out of the bar stool.

"But you finished your beer..." Colette commented, pointing to the empty mug on the counter.

"C'mon, let's go," Sheena said, ushering them out, gently pushing both of their backs to the exit. "Some fresh air will help all of us sober up."

* * *

 

"Have a good night, guys! Happy birthday, Colette!"

"Bye, Sheena!"

Lloyd and Colette made their way back into their apartment, as Lloyd yawned loudly. "What a night, huh?" he said, locking the door behind him.

"Sure was something," Colette replied, placing her purse neatly on the kitchen table. "Oh, it's almost 11 already? Shoot!"

Lloyd cocked his head, blinking. "What is it?"

"Nothing, I just have to be up early tomorrow," she sighed, pushing her blonde hair behind her ear.

"Sorry for keeping you out, Colette," Lloyd said, scratching the top of his head. "I know you weren't too thrilled on going out..."

"It's okay!" she replied brightly, picking up the leftover cake and bringing it to the fridge. "I had a pretty good time. It was an experience." She smiled and closed the refrigerator door, stretching her arms back. "I liked when we walked to the Tethe'alla bridge and looked at the stars. It's really pretty from there."

"Yeah." Lloyd smiled and hugged her from behind. His eyes fell on the table. "Oh man! We forgot about your presents!"

"Presents? You guys didn't have to--"

"But we did!" He pushed two small boxes toward her. "Betcha can't guess which one mine is!"

"I'm going to guess it's this one." She picked a box that was difficult to see whether it was wrapped more with paper or with clear tape. Lloyd groaned and mashed his head on the table as Colette giggled. "I'll open Sheena's first then."

She picked up the other box, smaller and neatly wrapped, and ripped it open, revealing a clam shell box. Inside was a gold necklace with a heart shaped pendant with a pearl in the middle. A note was folded up in it, that simply said "Happy 21st! -Sheena". "Oh wow, this is pretty!" Colette exclaimed, peering close to it.

"Oh yeah, I might've helped her pick it out," Lloyd said, puffing out his chest.

"You helped? Than what did you get me?" she asked.

"Something special! Open it up and see!" He was bouncing his feet under the table, eager like a child.

She reached for the other present and peeled off the layers of tape. When she got to the item in question, she gasped. "Oh, Lloyd...!" The rest of the paper fell away to reveal a wood carved sculpture of a dog, happily panting. It was glossed with a fine finish, and was covered in small carvings and details. "Did you make this yourself?"

"Sure did," he said, grinning ear to ear. "Do you like it?"

"I love it!" She ran around the table to him and embraced him, squeezing his shoulders tight. "Thank you so much! I'll keep it by my bed."

Lloyd stood up in Colette's arms, and then readjusted to hug her properly; a full, warm, tight hug. "Happy birthday, Colette," he murmured, kissing her hair very gently.

As she withdrew from his arms, she yawned, covering her mouth. "I think it's time for me to go to bed, though," she said. "I've still got class tomorrow."

"Yeah, and I've got to help Dad tomorrow at the store," Lloyd remarked, his hands still at her waist. "I should do the same."

Colette squeezed his hands at her waist before heading to the bathroom, a soft smile on her face. "Good night, Lloyd. Don't forget to set your alarm; I'm not going to be around to wake you up, and I don't think you want to be up at 7 in the morning."

He chuckled. "Right. Night, Colette." He sighed to himself as she shut the door behind her. _It's so nice when she smiles, when she's happy._ He made his way to his own bedroom, across from Colette's, and began to undress. _I don't think we've ever talked about "us" before. I guess there hasn't been any need to, even with everyone teasing us. Some day, when we're both out of school..._

_Yeah, there's plenty of time to think about that stuff later. Now, time to sleep. Don't have to be at Dad's until 1, so I can sleep in a bit._

He flopped into bed, and didn't drift to sleep until all the lights and sounds from the bathroom and Colette's room had ceased.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Colette handles alcohol as well as I do, hah. The bar takes inspiration from several I've been to around the Boston area. We press on!


	3. Jumper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Twenty-three and so tired of life,_   
>  _such a shame to throw it all away._   
>  _The images grow darker still..._   
>  _Could I have been anyone other than me?_
> 
>  
> 
> "Dancing Nancies", Dave Matthews Band, _Under The Table And Dreaming_.

Lloyd did not set an alarm for the next day, and woke up precisely five minutes before he had to leave the apartment.

"Shit!" he spat, throwing the covers off and jumping out of bed. _Dad's gonna kill me...!_ He grabbed a pair of pants and a shirt lying on the floor, and vainly attempted to put them on at the same time. In his struggle, he hopped to the bathroom, jeans halfway around his rear and shirt just barely over his head. He flailed his arms out of the shirt sleeves and hastily splashed water on his face, not even bothering to wipe off the excess water. He adjusted himself in his jeans and zipped them up, grabbed his wallet, his cell phone (a small, prepaid Nokia phone that fit easily in his front pocket), and a sweatshirt and blasted out the door, shoes barely tied.

"Damn, damn!" he huffed, throwing his arms through the sleeves. _Colette even told me to set an alarm, and I forgot. Sure, you don't have to be up so early, but five minutes! I didn't even to get anything to eat..._

His stomach growled in protest as he jogged down the street. The Tethe'alla bridge, connecting the counties of Sylverant and Tethe'alla, loomed in the distance. It arched high in the middle, but sloped down to the sides, giving the whole bridge firm support. _I was just a kid when they rebuilt the whole thing,_ he thought idly as it drew closer. _I still can't get over how awesome and huge it is._ His mind drifted to the night before,

_("Look up there! That's the constellation Mithos, the great hero from the ancient Kharlan war!"_

_"How's that supposed to be a person? It's just a bunch of dots in the sky."_

_She grabbed his arm. "You have to look at the big picture. See, that's his waist, and that's his head."_

_"Huh. I guess so." He was distracted by her hold on him...)_

when the group was watching the stars. _We haven't had a night like that since school started up again. We've both been pretty busy._

His footsteps became hollow as he reached the edge of the bridge. The river was calm beneath it, gently lapping the steel supports below. He continued to look up at arc of the bridge, the sun beaming down in his face, when--

 _Wait, there's something up there...! No, there's some_ one _up there!_

He stopped dead in his tracks. Halfway up the arch of the bridge, a man stood staring down into the river. His hair was long and red, fluttering in the wind, but his body was still. _I hope he knows what he's doing,_ Lloyd thought. _One misstep and you're going straight into the river...even at this height, it could probably_

_kill you._

His mouth went dry. "H-hey!" he stammered, running to the side, directly underneath him. He shouted again when there was no reply. _"Hey, guy!"_

The man gave a sideways glance down at him, and it looked like he was smirking. "Keep on moving, kid. Nothing to see here," he said.

"You...you're really high up, you know," Lloyd replied. "It's still a 70 foot drop when the river is low. You could get really hurt if you're not careful--"

The man barked a laugh. "Damn, you must be a genius," he sneered. "Why do you think I'm up here?"

Lloyd's heart plummeted into his stomach. _Is this guy really...?_ The man on the bridge sighed and rolled his shoulders. "Shit, shouldn't have opened my big mouth. Now you're never gonna leave, are you?"

He clenched his fists. "H-hey man, I really th-think you should get down from there..."

"That's cute. Real cute. Give me some reasons, I'd love to hear those." His tone was mocking, but he spun around from his perch, arms crossed, to address Lloyd anyway. Lloyd could see his heels hanging off the edge, and the man kept leaning back on them. _Holy crap holy crap holy crap--!_

But now he was on the spot. "A-ah," he stuttered. "Y-you probably have a ton of people...who care about you..."

 _"Bzzt!_ Wrong, bud," he mocked. "I've got nothing. My family fuckin' hates me, I've got no friends, and I can't commit to anyone!" He laughed that bitter, barking laugh again. "I'm a fuckin' loser who was a mistake to begin with. Ah, don't even try it," he said, as Lloyd's mouth opened wide to retaliate. "Don't tell me it's not true. My own mother told me that right before she kicked the fuckin' bucket too! _Because of me!"_

Lloyd was beginning to shake, his neck covered in a cold sweat. "Sure, I don't have to worry about money, or any shit like that, but what's that mean if you're all fucking alone?" The man paced along the narrow beam, walking forwards up the slope and backwards down it. "It's all, 'oh you're such an asshole, Zelos', or 'why can't you be more like your sister, Zelos?', or 'I can't trust you anymore, you're such a player'. Well, I'm done playing the game. I'm clocking out."

"What are you trying to prove?" Lloyd shouted, suddenly managing to find his voice. It was laced with a fine mixture of anger and fear. "Death doesn't solve anything! You don't solve anything by throwing your life away!"

"Who cares? I'm not trying to solve anything." The facade of the man's smile was fading, and he had stopped pacing. "Who is going to miss someone like me, anyway?" His voice was dropping, losing its carefree conviction.

A surge of adrenaline rushed through Lloyd, and he ripped off his sweatshirt. "Get down from there," he stated, jogging to where the slope of the arch was climbable and hopping up. "We can talk down on stable ground."

"You really are an idiot," he replied, his voice shaking. He was facing the river again, his arms spread out beside him. "You're wasting your t-time, buddy."

"No way. Everyone has a right to live." Lloyd balanced himself along the beam, walking as fast as he could allow himself without falling towards him. "Your name's Zelos?"

"What's it m-matter?" He was looking pointedly at the glistening river below, and Lloyd watched his Adam's apple bob in his throat as he swallowed hard. "I'm g-gonna be fuckin' dead anyway."

"You're not dead yet." Lloyd kept his focus on Zelos, avoiding looking down at the bridge and river below. _This is a lot higher up than I thought it would be, if I look down I'm gonna be sick..._ "Come on, Zelos. Let's...let's get down from here."

He was just over an arm's length away from him, reaching his hand out. Zelos' face was hollow and pale, his eyes glimmering with tears on the verge of spilling out on to his cheeks. _He really is scared. I can almost reach him...almost..._

Zelos throat hitched, squeezed his eyes shut tight, and leaned forward toward the abyss.

The next ten seconds went by in such a blinding blur, fueled by instinct and adrenaline, that even in hindsight, Lloyd couldn't recall what exactly happened. But what he did remember, was that his arms were wrapped tight around Zelos' waist, the latter struggling weakly in his arms. He couldn't understand how the two of them were balanced on the narrow foot space, but there they were, and neither of them were rotting in the riverbed. "Easy, it's okay. It's okay," Lloyd chanted as Zelos' breath hitched and sputtered, struggling to breathe and cry simultaneously. He buried his head in the other's back, as Zelos was easily a head taller than him, and made a vain attempt to calm himself down, slow his own heart rate, dissipate the adrenaline. "Okay. Let's get down. Take it slow, follow my lead."

Zelos was tense in Lloyd's arms, but he no longer resisted, following his feet as they slowly side stepped their way to the lower end of the bridge. "A-ah...aaaah..." Zelos kept trying to speak, but it came out in broken fragments, completely undecipherable. It seemed to take a life time to get down, each second spent easing down, easing down. Zelos was shaking considerably in his arms by the time they reached the lowest point on the slope, it being a small jump to the bottom.

"Okay, we're almost there," Lloyd said. "Just one little jump. One, two, three--!"

They jumped down together, although it was mostly Lloyd dragging Zelos down to stable ground. When his feet touched the ground, Zelos crumbled to the ground, hiding his face behind his hair, quietly shaking and hitching. Lloyd rubbed his back. "It's okay now. I'm glad you're still here."

"A-a-a..." Zelos stuttered, voice muffled. "A-are you? R-really?"

"Yes." Lloyd was firm. _This guy looks kind of familiar,_ he thought, now that he was up close. _Wasn't he the guy_ _that hit on Sheena at the bar? I don't know if I've ever seen hair like that on anyone else._ "Why don't we walk?"

Lloyd stood up and offered a hand to Zelos, still withdrawn on the ground. _This is so surreal. I've just met this guy, and I just...saved his life. He doesn't look that much older than me. Maybe...we can be friends. He said he was lonely._ He waited, arm outstretched as silence fell between him. _I don't want anyone_

_(him)_

_to feel like that ever again._

Zelos finally looked up, eyes red around their whites. "Don't got much of a choice, do I?" he managed to say, taking Lloyd's hand and hoisting himself up. His hands were clammy and ice cold compared to Lloyd's.

"Not if you're going to try that again," Lloyd said, smiling weakly. He watched as Zelos quivered, straightening himself. "Let's get something to eat. My friend's a manager at a noodle shop close by, and it's really good."

Zelos nodded, staring at the ground. "Sure." He sighed, hugging his arms. "You dragged me down from there, you call the shots."

 _Is that how you're going to be?_ "Well, I thought maybe we could try and be friends," Lloyd said, walking back toward where he came. "Give it a shot, yeah?"

Zelos glanced up at the sky, a bare smirk crossing his lips. "We'll see."

 


	4. Udon

"Looks like we just missed the lunch rush," Lloyd sighed as the two walked in to the Fujibuyashi noodle shop. "It's small, so it gets really crowded. Hey, the booth's open!"

Zelos didn't reply, but simply followed Lloyd to the front corner of the restaurant, feet dragging on the linoleum. _He's been quiet the whole time,_ Lloyd thought as he slid into the fake leather booth. _He's probably still really shaken. I would be too, I think._ Zelos sat in front of him, eyes still downcast at the table. _I don't_ _want to push him, but I want to loosen him up a bit. I want to make sure he'll be okay._

"Hey," Lloyd started. "I think I've seen you around. You were at Club Altamira last night, right?"

No answer. _This is gonna be tough._ "It's the new place around here. You talked to my friend at the bar--"

"Yeah." His voice was cracked, and he swallowed. A headband held his hair back out of his eyes, so Lloyd could just see them, their gaze wandering on the table. "I was there last night. I was looking to take someone home. Didn't work."

"You were...with people though, right? I thought you were sitting with--"

"I went alone, I came home alone," he interrupted. "Usually I'm pretty good with one night stands. I think I had too much to drink." He sighed and lifted his head up, revealing dark circles under his eyes, emphasized by his pale face. "I don't like to drink. It's always a good idea at the time, but I always wake up the next morning feeling terrible. It doesn't make me feel any better." He looked out the window, onto the sunny street. "Thought I could've solved something today."

Lloyd shifted in his seat. "You...dying...wouldn't have made anything any better, Zelos," he said gently.

Hearing his name seemed to strike something in Zelos--his eyes widened, and for the first time, he looked Lloyd directly in the eye. "What's your name, kid?" he asked.

"Lloyd. Lloyd Irving." He smiled, then pouted a little. "And I'm not a kid, I'm 21."

"Could've fooled me. You look like a guy I used to see in high school." Zelos smirked, but it soon darkened. "Seems like a long time ago, now."

 _Used to see?_ "Um...are you...uh..." Lloyd stammered. The door opening for another customer disrupted him further, but it appeared to amuse Zelos.

"C'mon, you can say it," he teased. He rubbed his eyes, and for once his face looked genuine, not something that was pasted on for appearances.

Lloyd, however, was fidgeting. "Gay?" he finally said.

"There you go," Zelos said with a laugh. "Not quite. I'm pan. I'm into pretty much anything you throw at me."

"Huh."

Zelos looked at him a little harder. "Don't tell me it bothers you. If you're gonna gay panic on me, you might as well have left me on that damn bridge."

"No! No, Goddess, no way," he backpedaled, waving his hands. "I don't know too many, uh, queer people, that's all. I grew up in Iselia..."

"Oh, that backwoods place?" Zelos exclaimed. Lloyd shrank back, but part of him sighed in relief. _At least he's talking._ "No wonder." Zelos kicked back in his chair. "Your Mom and Dad would probably be pissed that you're hanging around a guy like me."

"Er, I don't think Dad would mind," Lloyd said. "And my mom's not in the picture, she died when I was a baby..."

"Oh yeah?" Zelos' voice grew quiet, a little more interested.

"Yeah, her and my birth father too."

"Adopted, huh."

"Yeah." Lloyd stood up suddenly. "Hey, we still haven't gotten anything to eat. I'll get you whatever you want."

"No, no," Zelos said, reaching into his pocket and fishing out a crisp, $100 bill. "Don't spend a dime on me."

Lloyd gaped. "Holy crap, man! That's like what I have in my bank account--!"

"Just take it. I don't care what you give me." Zelos voice took on that cold, blank edge again. "Money doesn't mean shit to me."

"A-all right." Lloyd gingerly took the bill from his hand and walked up to the counter.

The boy at the register grinned. "Hey, Lloyd! Who's that guy you're with?" he asked.

"A new friend of mine. Can I get two bowls of beef udon?" he ordered, keeping a half eye on Zelos behind him. _He did say he had a lot of money,_ he thought, watching as Zelos folded his arms on the table and rest his head between them. _Maybe I should ask about why he wanted to jump...? Then again, I didn't really want to talk about my birth folks either. Maybe it's best to just...keep it light. For now._

"Sheena's out back, if you wanna see her," the kid said, handing him his change.

"Okay, I'll go in a bit. Thanks, bud."

He sat back down and placed the change on the table in front of him. Zelos pushed it back at him. "Keep it. I don't need it," he said dully.

"Come on, man--"

"Money can only get you so far," he said, his voice muffled into his arms. "I was born into a rich family, an heir to a lot of money. I was supposed to do great things, but..." His fists clenched tight, skin white and tight against his knuckles. "I guess I'm just--"

He was interrupted by a tinny jingle coming from Lloyd's pocket. "Oh, shit!" he yelped, scrambling for it in his pockets. He answered it immediately. "Dad!"

_"Where the hell have you been? You were supposed to be here an hour ago!"_

Zelos watched as Lloyd scratched the back of his neck, his jaw clenched. "I'm sorry Dad, there was an emergency, and I had to help someone--"

_"What kind of emergency? You're not hurt, are you?"_

"No Dad, I'm fine. Everyone's fine." He glanced at Zelos and nodded to him. "I'll be there in ten minutes, and I'll explain everything."

_"That'd be best, Lloyd. I'll see you soon. But DON'T DO THAT AGAIN WITHOUT TELLIN' ME!"_

Lloyd winced at the volume before hanging up. "I'm sorry, I was on my way to help my dad at work--"

Zelos shook his head. "Yeah, yeah. Go on, you don't have to watch me like a little kid."

"But--" Lloyd huffed, his brow furrowed. "I don't want to just leave you. I want to talk to you more."

"That's new," Zelos muttered bitterly.

"Really!" Lloyd looked from the outside door, then to the back where the kitchen was. "Tell you what. You stay here, so you can have your food. I'm gonna have my roommate pick you up and take you to our place and you can stay the night."

"Look, I'd rather you just..."

But Lloyd had already rushed out to the back, leaving Zelos mid sentence. Sheena was right by the door, a book in her hand. She grinned when she saw him. "Hey, Lloyd. I thought Colette had class today? You ordered the two udon bowls, right?"

"Yeah, she does, and I did, listen," he said, almost whispering. "Can you bring those out to the guy with the long red hair? I met him today. He almost committed suicide jumping off the Tethe'alla bridge."

Sheena cupped her hand over her mouth. "Holy shit!" she exclaimed. "Is he okay?"

"I don't know, that's the thing. I'm having Colette come pick him up, but she doesn't get out for an hour. Do you think you could talk to him and make sure he doesn't leave? I don't want something bad to happen..."

"Sure, sure thing," Sheena said, leaning back to the kitchen. "Oy! _Udon wa okonawa rete imasu ka?"_ she called to the back. There was a muffled affirmative, and she turned back to Lloyd. "Yeah, your stuff's almost done. I can box up yours for you."

"Thanks. I gotta run, Dad's gonna kill me for being late." He dashed out the door and returned to Zelos. He placed a hand on his shoulder, making the other jump. "Okay, my roommate will be here in about an hour, can you stay until then?"

"I've got nothing better to do, considering I was supposed to be dead," Zelos drawled into his arms.

 _Damn it!_ "I'm gonna see you again, okay, Zelos? I'll be back. I promise." Lloyd squeezed his shoulder and fled out the door.

He ran back toward the bridge, phone in hand. As he passed where he spotted Zelos, a flash of red cloth caught his eye. "My sweatshirt!" he cried, swiping it as he passed and tossing it over his shoulder. He then redirected his attention to his phone, clicking through his contacts until he found "Colette", and pushed TALK. After several rings, the line picked up. _"Lloyd, I'm in class right now!"_ the sweet, light voice answered.

"Sorry I know, but I need you to do me a huge favor when you get out..."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think Lloyd's going to be able to catch a break to eat today. It's kind of hard trying to write Zelos like this, but I feel like he'd come in and out of the facade of being okay, even after almost jumping off a bridge. I think he wears a good mask most of the time. 
> 
> Sheena and her family are Japanese--the whole village of Mizuho seems to be portrayed similarly in the game anyway. She's just asking if the udon is done to the kitchen in Japanese. I sincerely apologize for the likely butchered Japanese--it is from Google translate. I promise not to do this often!


	5. Too Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Hey, it's me, yeah I can't get myself to go away,_  
>  Oh God, I shouldn't feel this way...  
> Reach down your hand in your pocket,  
> Pull out some hope for me, it's been a long day  
> Always, ain't that right? 
> 
> "Long Day", Matchbox 20, _Yourself Or Someone Like You_

Sheena strolled out with the two bowls of noodles in her arms--one in a plastic, covered bowl, the other in ceramic. "I've got two beef udon bo--" Her eyes caught Zelos' brilliant mane and she saw red. "Good Goddess, it's _you!"_

Zelos lazily rolled his head back behind him, his eyes glazed over. "Hm?" he uttered.

She slammed the bowl down in front of him as hard as she could without either breaking it or dumping it and glared at him. "Don't remember me, do you?" she hissed, attempting to push her breasts out, even in a simple t-shirt. "From the bar? Last night?"

It took him a moment, but there was a spark in his crystal blue eyes, accompanied by a smirk. "Oh yeah, I kind of remember. You must've been with, ah, Lloyd, when he saw me too." The small burst of energy dissipated as soon as it came, twirling the pair of chopsticks accompanying his food in his fingers. "I'm gonna be honest, last night is a little fuzzy."

Sheena's anger fizzled, and her shoulders slumped accordingly. "L-look, I didn't--"

"Didn't know what was up, yeah. I know."

She opened her mouth and closed it again. "And I just...I don't like--"

"Guys like me." Zelos shook his head, swirling the steaming bowl of noodles with the chopsticks. "Don't like pigs, man whores, whatever you call it. I get it. Heard it all before, honey." He sighed as Sheena fidgeted her hands under the table. _Martel, I don't know what to say to him. I'm terrible with this stuff,_ she thought, chewing the inside of her cheek.  _Besides, he tried to make a pass at me last night, and then the next day he tried to jump off a bridge? This is...ugh. What do you even say? What_ can  _you even say?_

"I'm kinda used to it."

"Huh?" Sheena barked, flinching.

Zelos' expression didn't budge. "The comments. Being like this. It's easy, in a way." His hands, however, quivered just enough to notice. "It wears on you, though."

"Ah." Again, there was a heavy mist of discomforting surrounding the two of them. Sheena's eyes wandered to the rest of the restaurant, watching the rest of the world continue on as usual. The counter boy raised an eyebrow, and she attempted to brush him off with her eyes. The silence growing between them was beginning to suffocate her. "You should eat," she spat, nearly choking on the words.

He scoffed. "Should I?" He continued to stir the noodles, then, with a direct look at Sheena, he picked up a single noodle with his chopsticks and ate it, slurping it through his thin lips. "It's good," he said, then rested his chopsticks across the bowl. "What did he tell you in the back?" he asked abruptly.

"Who, Lloyd?" Sheena replied. "Ah, he told me about...what happened...and, uh..." She caught him smirking at her as she struggled to speak, forced to bring light to the delicate situation, and looked down at her lap. _What is this guy's deal...?!_ She swallowed. "He said that he was going to call his roommate to come pick you up, since he had to go to work. He wanted me to keep an eye on you, and ah, make sure you don't leave."

"I see," he said, tilting his head. "He wasn't just trying to make me feel better then."

"No. He's not like that." It was the first ounce of confidence that was in Sheena's voice since she sat down with him. "Lloyd is honest and real. He's a good kid, one of the best guys I know. He really cares about everyone he meets."

"You call him a kid too."

"I can't help it," she chuckled, smoothing back her dark ponytail. "We went to high school together for a little while. I was a senior, he was a freshman. Granted, he's grown up quite a bit."

_I can remember him with those huge brown eyes, eager to the new school,_ she thought, her eyes falling into soft focus at the table. _Colette was petrified at his side. I was part of his peer advising group, one thing led to another and then...we were hanging out every day. Even now, we're all adults, and we're still friends._ "You know, I'm not surprised he talked you out of it. It's a very Lloyd thing to do." she commented.

"He didn't." Zelos voice was quiet. "He pulled me down."

Sheena did not have a reply. _Well, that's...actually a pretty Lloyd thing to do, too._

"Do you mind...leaving me for a bit?" Zelos said, his tone still low. "I don't really wanna talk right now. I won't leave."

"All...all right." Sheena hesitated, then slid out from the booth, pulling down her shirt over the waist of her jeans. She opened her mouth to speak, a thousand thoughts

_("Eat that before it gets cold."_

_"Colette will be here soon."_

_"Things will be okay.")_

blurring through her head, none of them fitting. In the end, she just nodded, and headed back into the kitchen. She kept one eye out the circle window, watching Zelos motionless figure even still.

* * *

 

Time passed.

Zelos had still barely touched his udon bowl. His hair created a curtain around his face, hiding the bags under his eyes, the light freckles on his sunken cheeks, the creases in his brows, the grimace in his teeth.

_I wish that kid didn't come for me. I wish he would have missed when he caught me and I would have drowned in the river. What difference would it've made? No one would have missed me. Hell, Seles would have been fuckin' delighted--don't have to split the inheritance anymore! Time to travel around the world, have the company all to herself, join the Peace Corp., or whatever Miss Perfect does. Don't have to deal with an awful brother who sleeps with everyone and is friends with no one!_

_But no, now I've got people involved in my fuckin' misery_.

He felt his eyes watering, and hated himself even more.

_So I've got this guy with the stars in his eyes who rescued me, and this chick here, and someone else too, who knows...now I can't disappear. Why does anyone give a shit about me? Why would they? Why me? I want out of this stupid life, but there's no easy way, and it's just gotten a whole lot fuckin' harder. I can't...I can't..._

_I can't let good people like him get involved with shit like me. He's too good. Who climbs up a bridge for a guy he's never met and_

_saves his life?_

Tears rolled into his bowl, melded with the temperature of the room, and he bit his lip hard to keep from gasping for air. His throat burned in protest, and he let it, focusing on the pain. _Goddess I just want to burn alive, I want to vanish, disappear I want to die just let me go_

_(but you can't)_

_I can't now that I've gotten others involved_

_(they don't know you)_

_They can't know me_

_(but you've already talked too much)_

_Damn it, damn it!_

_(wait until they see what a disappointment you are)_

_Isn't wanting to fling myself off the deep end enough?_

_(or will it wait until you)_

_No_

_(fall)_

_I can't, I can't, I can't, I'd rather be dead. If he's too good for me, then I can only imagine--  
_

"Um, excuse me?"

The voice was high, light, and as clear as a summer's day. It broke his thoughts so cleanly that the rest of the world fell silent. Zelos rubbed his eyes with one hand and slowly lifted his head to the owner of the voice. It was a woman, with a pleasant round face and long blonde hair, spilling over her shoulders. Her eyes were blue like his, but deeper than his, like a deep pond. Her bangs swept over cream skin and thin eye brows, all brightened by a warm smile, cautious as it was. Zelos' eyes widened. _Is this...?_

_(an angel?)_

"Hi, um, are you Zelos?" she asked.

"Yeah." He nodded, rubbing his eyes further. He became aware that his hands were clammy.

"I'm Lloyd's roommate, Colette," she introduced, holding out her hand. "It's nice to meet you!"

_She's got that same vibe that he does._ At first, he took her hand to shake it, but instead brought it to his lips, and gently kissed her knuckles. "Pleasure," he purred. Even as he managed to disguise his shaking voice, he couldn't hide his chest as his breath hitched in his throat.

Colette frowned and immediately hugged him, and Zelos shook in her arms. _This is more attention and affection I've gotten in the last few weeks. Months, maybe._

_I'm so_

_lonely._

Zelos held his breath, desperately trying to swallow his tears. 

"It's okay," Colette said, allowing him to bury his head into her shoulder. "Sheena?" 

The voices continued as he squeezed his eyes shut. "Oh, hey, Colette. Taking him back to your place?"

"Yeah. Lloyd and I will look after him."

"Okay. I'll see you later then." 

He felt himself guided up from his seat, as Colette gently broke the hug. _I probably look like a mess,_ Zelos thought idly as she looked him over briefly.

Still, she smiled. Soft and genuine. It put daggers in his heart.

"Ready to go?" she asked.

Zelos only nodded. _Too good, both of 'em._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 6/30: Added a song on to this. Enjoy!
> 
> For those of you keeping track of this piece, I totally lied last chapter. You were looking forward to Dirk and Lloyd, and instead we get more of a Zelos and Sheena focus. I thought it worked better as a scene change. 
> 
> I'm writing these feelings for Zelos from some of my own experience dealing with depression. There's...a lot of stuff going on, especially when you've negative self talk going back and forth. It gets pretty heavy. At least he's got sunshine like Lloyd and Colette looking out for him, whether he likes it or not!


	6. Work

"Sounds like you've had quite a day."

Lloyd sat swiveling on a stool in the middle of his father's tiny hardware store, surrounded by shelves of tools and miscellaneous gadgets. Dirk was not a man of tall stature, but he made up for it in presence, his hands on his wide hips and enormous beard reaching past his chin. Lloyd gripped the bottom of his seat as he retold his morning, desperately hoping that he wouldn't face another booming lecture, but he relaxed now, as Dirk's bushy brows creased upwards in sympathy. "Yeah," Lloyd said.

"So, Colette's going to pick this man up at Sheena's, and then what?" Dirk asked.

"I'm going to have him stay at our place, at least for one night," he replied. "I-I thought it'd be a good idea to keep an eye on him, make sure he's not alone."

Dirk nodded. "Aye. Just be careful, now. You've only just met him. You don't want to have some druggie on your hands--"

Lloyd frowned. "Hey! He's not like that..." he snapped, then bit his tongue. _Shoot, Dad hates it when I talk back like that. But it's true,_

_("I don't like to drink. It's always a good idea at the time, but I always wake up the next morning feeling terrible...")_

_I can feel it._

To his surprise, Dirk chuckled and made his way around the counter to him, clapping him on the shoulder. "At any rate, brave thing you did there, lad. I'm surprised you didn't draw a crowd."

"No, the bridge was pretty quiet today," he said. "Really, he seems like an okay guy, despite all that stuff he said up there. I-I didn't want him to take his life...like that..."

His voice shook, and Dirk rubbed his shoulder. "It's over now," he said simply, then sighed. "You see the good in everyone, Lloyd. Don't let go of that."

"I won't."

The pattering of paws interrupted them, as a large white dog with a long snout came jogging out from the back of the store. Lloyd grinned and jumped off the bar stool. "Hey, Noishe!" he said, and the dog began wagging its tail, eagerly licking his face. Lloyd laughed and scratched him behind his ears before addressing his father. "So, what's there to do today?" he asked.

"Ah, right." Dirk glanced around the store, then his shoulders slumped. "Truth be told, I was just gonna have you organize some of the boxes in the back, but judging by how slow things've been today, I might not need it." 

"Ah." _Right. More busy work._ _That's all Dad seems to have for me lately._ "Has anyone come by today?"

"Nope." Dirk gazed out the front window, watching the wind rustle the trees in the front yard. "I make more money selling lumber in Iselia than I do here. It's always just been a little something extra since you've been around. Besides, it's nice bein' close to you now that you're going to school out here."

Lloyd stroked Noishe's head as a heaviness feel between them. "Do you think...you're going to keep this store open?" he asked.

"Oh sure, for a little while. It don't take much to run it," Dirk replied, then glanced down at Lloyd. "But you ought to look for some other work. There's just nothin' for you to do here." He cleared his throat. "Course, if you were still in Iselia, I could use another pair of hands, but I'm not gonna make you drive an hour out when you're still in school."

"I could still--"

"Lloyd." Dirk's voice was rough and stern. "I want you to focus on your school work. I'm going to be frank--you made it into the university by the skin of your teeth, lad, and I don't want you to squander the opportunity like you almost did in high school."

Lloyd winced, and Noishe whined in sympathy, pushing his snout underneath Lloyd's chin. _He's right, and I know it,_ he thought, rhythmically scratching Noishe's soft, white fur. _It_ was _lucky that I got into Tethe'all_ _a U, and with a small scholarship too. Colette got in with flying colors and full tuition, and I didn't want to be left behind..._

"Still," Dirk said with a sigh, and a much kinder look. "If things don't work out, you're always welcome to give me a hand back home. But you're going to work harder than you ever have." He winked at him. 

"I'm doing my best, Dad," Lloyd said. _I'll make you proud._ He thought this, but did not say it. Before he thought to, Dirk had moved on.

"Ah, speaking of Iselia, there were fresh flowers at your mother's grave."

"Really?" Lloyd asked, his heart jumping a little in his chest. "I thought you said before that no one around town knew her."

"That's right. That's why it's a bit curious." Dirk paced back around to the counter. "It makes me wonder if your real father is still out there somewhere."

_My real father...but...you're my real father, right? You're the only Dad I know._ Lloyd struggled to find a response, twirling his fingers in Noishe's fur. "M...maybe." He swallowed. "I don't...I don't know if I'd want to meet him."

Dirk raised an eyebrow. "Hm? Why's that?"

"Well..." Lloyd felt himself shrink inside, memories churning through his head of himself as a boy, running through the tall grass of his home town. A small boy, without the worries or cares of adulthood. _I hate feeling this small._ _"You're_ my dad," he said finally.

Dirk smiled, a warm smile that spread through his beard and his cheeks, all through his face. "That I am, and I always will be."

"Hello~!"

The bell on the front door rang as a clear voice rang through the small store. Upon hearing it, Noishe immediately clambered up from his seat beside Lloyd and ran to greet the new visitors, tail wagging eagerly. Colette waved as she entered, although it was interrupted by her tripping on the rug in front of the door. "Oops!" she yelped, stumbling forward into Noishe.

"Are you okay?" Lloyd asked, on his feet. "What are you doing here? Is Zelos--"

"Present and accounted for." Zelos lingered behind, greeting Lloyd with a weak smile and a wave. _His eyes are red..._

"How're you doing, Colette?" Dirk greeted in a booming voice. Lloyd noticed he kept one eye on Zelos, but didn't directly address him.

"I'm good!" she chirped, all her attention focused on giving Noishe as much attention as possible. "Sorry I didn't call, Lloyd. Zelos wasn't feeling well, and one thing that makes me feel better when I'm sad is petting dogs. I was hoping Noishe would be here!"

"I always feel guilty leaving him home," Dirk commented. "Customers don't mind him, so it's not all bad."

Colette turned to Zelos and beckoned him in. "It's okay! Noishe loves people. Come say hi!"

Zelos shuffled inside and knelt down to Noishe's level. "Hey buddy," he said quietly, holding his hand out. Noishe sniffed it briefly, but soon lunged at his face, licking his cheeks. "Ah, hey! We haven't even been on a date yet...!"

Lloyd laughed as Colette stood back up and went to his side _._ "You know how to cheer anyone up," he said to her, winking.

Colette's cheeks turned a shade of pink, and she stuck her tongue out. "Whatever works," she said, then lowered her voice. "He still seems really upset."

"I figured," Lloyd replied, in a tone to match.

"I can hear you guys, you know," Zelos interjected, his voice muffled by Noishe's face in front of his. The dog had managed to stop licking his face, but still was demanding as much of Zelos' attention as he could. Zelos spat out some fur. "So, what's the plan?"

"Lloyd, you can go." Dirk said. "No sense keepin' you here if there's nothing to do."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

Dirk nodded. "Go on and take care of your new friend, there." He finally looked Zelos in the eyes. "You must be Zelos, then."

"Yeah," Zelos replied, giving Noishe one last pat on the head before standing up, brushing the white fur off his dark jeans. "Suppose Lloyd's already told you the whole story."

"Aye. You're in good hands, lad." Dirk turned back to Lloyd and Colette. "Off you go now. Call me if you need anything."

"Thanks, Dad." Lloyd looked to both Colette and Zelos. "Let's head back to my place."

"It's not that far, is it?" Zelos said, stretching his arms back. "I'm getting tired of walking."

"It's just back across the bridge, and then a few streets down," Colette said, leading the way. "Bye, Dirk!"

Zelos groaned, next in line. "I really don't want to go over that bridge again..."

"Hey we're right here with you, man," Lloyd assured. He gave one last wave back to Dirk before letting the door shut behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! A lot of this chapter is some Lloyd back story, just to give some dimension to their lives. I'm trying not to introduce too many long running sub-plots, but I can't help but put a Kradad seed in here. Where is Kratos? We'll find out later. Lloyd does the best he can, but I don't think he's ever been suited for academics. Also, shout out to sailorscooby for reminding me about my favorite weird dog, Noishe! The most important ToS character. Next time: sleepover at Lloyd and Colette's!


	7. Sleepover

"Wait, are you serious?" Zelos asked as Lloyd unlocked the apartment door. "You're really making me sleep over with you guys?"

"Yeah," he replied, taking off his shoes at the door.

Colette followed suit and spun around on her socks, sliding and wobbling slightly. "I think it's a good idea. I mean, do you have a roommate?"

"No," Zelos replied, flipping his hair back. "But I don't need to be babysat. Hell, I don't even have a change of clothes."

"You can borrow some of Lloyd's!" Colette chirped.

"What?" Lloyd asked, popping up from the other side of the couch. "I never said that!"

"Just a t-shirt to sleep in, or something, it's not that big of a deal." Colette placed the leftover udon bowl on the kitchen table, then strode back over to Lloyd. "Do you need any help with that?"

"Yeah, help me get the cover off and pull this thing out."

Zelos, in the mean time, wandered around the small apartment, spinning as he did so. The kitchen and living room were connected, with the only room separation being where the carpet ended and the linoleum began. He paced around the kitchen, only taking ten steps around, and peered down the short hallway. There was a bathroom on the left side, and beyond that were two other rooms, with doors facing each other. _Separate rooms, huh,_ he thought, then turned to face the two, who seemed to be tearing apart the couch. "There's barely even any room for me here. This place is friggin' tiny."

"It's only the two of us," Lloyd grunted. "And this is a futon, it'll turn into a bed--" He heaved the frame and forced it to unravel, rolling out the complete frame with a thin mattress on top, smashing it into the TV stand before it. The TV on top of it wobbled, but thanks to it's bulky frame, stayed on its perch. "Whew. Do we have any extra sheets?"

"Um, I think there are some in my room," Colette said, and bounded down into the left bedroom. After a moment, she called back. "Yeah, there are some under here...and some blankets too!"

Zelos raised an eyebrow and stepped closer to Lloyd. "So, you two _aren't_ dating?" he asked in a low voice.

"Huh? Oh, ah, no," Lloyd replied, scratching the back of his neck. "We've been friends since we were kids. We're close, but, uh, not like that." His tone lifted at the end of his sentence, as if it weren't finished.

 _Not yet, you mean,_ Zelos thought, smirking. "Uh-huh," he said. "Thought that maybe if you two shacked up together, I'd get my own bed."

"H-hey!" Lloyd turned bright red just as Colette returned with armfuls of sheets. She unceremoniously plopped them in the center of the futon mattress before returning her attention back to the boys.

"I didn't think I had that many," she said. "Now you'll be nice and cozy, Zelos." She beamed at Zelos, then noticed Lloyd's still flushed face. "What's up, Lloyd?"

"I was just teasing him, cutie pie," Zelos said to her, a velvety tone entering his voice. "Nothing to worry about." He winked at her playfully.

"O-okay...!" she stammered, fidgeting for a second. "I'll just...fix up your bed, here..."

"Seriously?" Lloyd said, exasperated.

"What, afraid I'm going to steal her away?" Zelos snuck over behind Colette, running a hand over her back and shoulders with unbreaking eye contact.

"No! I mean, she's not--just back off, okay?!" Lloyd jerked forward, a hand raised at him.

"Lloyd, don't--" Colette protested weakly, but ultimately skittered away from both of the boys.

"No Colette," he insisted, crossing his arms and puffing out his chest at Zelos. "So, is this what you're _really_ like, asshole?" 

Zelos' adrenaline surged, and he swallowed to squash the panic into the bottom of his stomach. _There it is, there it is! There's that annoyance, that's where it starts. That's where it always starts, with everyone, then you're fuckin' alone again. Nice._

"Take it or leave it," Zelos chose to reply, bowing a little and spreading his arms out. "Still think I was a good idea?"

Lloyd huffed, some of the aggression petering. "Cut that out, you're still better here than dead."

"Yeah? That's before you got to know the real me."

"Stop it!" Colette interjected, snapping the fitted sheet onto the last corner of the bed. Zelos tilted his head in surprise, and Lloyd's eyes widened with the same emotion. "Neither of you are making anything better by fighting." She clambered over the bed to Zelos and looked directly up at him, her eyes tense with determination. "Please don't push us away. We just want to help you."

_Ah._

Zelos sighed to himself, feeling his shoulders slump down. "Sorry," he managed to say, keeping eye contact with Colette, then nodding to Lloyd. He turned away from them and walked to the window, staring out into the street below. _I guess I'm...pretty bitter. It's hard not to be._

"I'm sorry too," Lloyd said from behind him. Zelos could feel him standing behind him, but didn't turn to him, letting him talk at his back. "You've had a hell of a day. I've just...ah..." Lloyd took his time, stumbling a bit over his words. "I've, ah, never met--"

"A jackass like me?" Zelos interrupted, a smirk on his face. He bit his lip and shook his head. "Ah, shoot. There I go again."

He faced Lloyd--his messy brown hair that seemed to go in whatever direction it pleased, bright brown eyes, toned arms and stocky build--and shook his head. _This is the guy that pulled me down from the bridge himself. He doesn't seem like the type to just give up on someone, or anything. Wonder what that's like._

"Really though," Lloyd tried again. "We're here for you. I know, we just met, but..."

He stopped, and Zelos leaned his head forward. "But...?"

Lloyd shrugged and huffed. "You know, I want to make sure you're going to be all right! It'd be worthless if we just took you home and you went and k-killed yourself there instead." His tone strained at the end, and he grit his teeth and stared at the floor.

"We could have just taken you to the hospital," Colette said quietly, drawing a blanket over the mattress, finally completing it as a bed. She stood up, wringing her hands. "You would've gotten professional help then and there, and we would've known for sure that you would be safe. But..." She looked up at Zelos with a gentle smile, although there was a tense knot in her forehead. "Isn't this a little nicer?"

 _She's got a point, and it was probably her idea to take me some place like that. Something about Lloyd tells me it didn't even cross his mind._ After a moment, Zelos chuckled. "Doesn't smell like rubber gloves and bleach, that's for sure." He crossed his arms. "All right, I'll stick around and I'll try not to be as much of an ass."

Both of his hosts relaxed, to the point where Lloyd was grinning. "Sounds good," he said.

Zelos couldn't help but smile a little back. "Sure," he replied. _Damn, they're both cute._

"And if there's anything you want to talk about, just let us know, okay?" Colette chimed in. "You don't have to right this second, but--"

"Okay, angel, I'll keep it in mind," Zelos purred, and caught Lloyd tensing up as he started to walk past him. _Why not?_ He turned to him and briefly looked him over. "What, jealous that she's getting all the attention, handsome?" He winked.

"O-oy!" Lloyd coughed in surprise. "I-I didn't--I don't--"

Colette giggled as Zelos strode by, chuckling to himself. _Well, no punch in the gut is a plus. This might be a little fun, then._

"A-anyway!" Lloyd stammered, desperately trying to recompose himself. "What are we having for dinner? I haven't had anything to eat all day..."

"Oh no!" Colette exclaimed. "Well, it's your turn to cook, so make whatever you want."

Lloyd jumped to the kitchen and immediately popped the udon bowl into the microwave above the refrigerator. "I'm gonna heat this up and snack on it while I cook, otherwise I'm gonna starve."

"You a decent cook?" Zelos asked, his hands laced behind his head.

"I'm all right," he replied with a sheepish look. "Ask Colette."

"He's gotten a lot better than when we first started living together, that's for sure," she confirmed, with her tongue out. "He's been picking up recipes from a friend of ours too, so that helps."

"Well, well," Zelos said, smirking, "if you cook something decent, maybe I'll tell you all a little story about me over dinner. Might spoil your appetite though."

Lloyd and Colette exchanged a look. "We can tell you more about us too, to be fair," Colette replied. "So, make something good, Lloyd!"

The microwave signaled as its cycle ended, and Lloyd yanked it out, immediately popping off the lid and drinking down some of the broth. "You got it!" he affirmed with a thumbs up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 7/1: Made the "fight" a little longer, so it's more of an argument.
> 
> I have a plot web written out for this whole story, but this chapter I was kind of making things up as I went. Hopefully it reads well! For those curious, this story is planned out to be about 30 chapters long (give or take, with all chapters probably being around the same length). Next chapter: story time!


	8. Exposition

"I gotta say," Zelos said, leaning back in his chair. "When you gave me this pile of mush, I didn't think it was going to be edible."

Colette giggled, taking note of Zelos' nearly cleaned plate. "Lloyd's food doesn't usually look fantastic, but it tastes good."

"Hey, I don't do gourmet," Lloyd commented, his arms crossed. A casserole dish sat in the middle of the table filled with ground beef, potatoes, and creamed corn, baked together into a layered, steaming concoction. "I dunno how you'd make something like this look good anyway."

"What'd you call this, anyway?" Zelos asked. "Some kind of pie?"

"Shepard's pie," Lloyd said. "Dad used to make it a lot after I'd help him out in the forest. It's pretty hardy and easy to make."

"Uh-huh." Zelos leaned forward with his elbows on the table, chin in one hand, the other twirling a lock of his long, red hair in his fingers. "So, does your dad do something else besides run that little hardware shop?"

"Oh yeah, he has a lumber operation back in Iselia," Lloyd said, a smile curling on his face. "He does woodworking, as well as just selling seasoned firewood. We don't get too much snow up there, but it gets really cold, and just about everyone has a wood fireplace, so that's where most of his money comes from." He laced his hands behind his head. "I used to help a lot more when I was living there, but now I just go up on weekends."

Zelos lazily ran his eyes over Lloyd's toned arms and shoulders. "You still look like you're in shape, though." His gaze lingered over his body for a few seconds longer. Colette shifted in her seat between them. _This is a weird atmosphere,_ she thought, twisting her fingers in her lap.

"Thanks." Lloyd puffed out his chest, then snapped his attention to Colette. "Hey, remember that time when I lifted you over my head?"

"Mm, yeah!" she said, perking up. "You carried me all the way down to the river!"

"And then I almost tossed you in! But you kept yelling about your dress. Shoot, was that for the summer dance?"

"I can't remember, it was some event though..."

"You two grew up together then,"  Zelos interrupted, a smirk on his face. "Isn't that cute?"

Colette nodded. "We've been together since elementary school, in every class going all the way up through high school."

"Our class was really small. There were only 40 kids in our graduating class," Lloyd said. "When we were freshmen, we were sent to Luin High for a semester because it was so small."

"That's where we met Sheena!" Colette exclaimed.

"Noodle shop girl?" Zelos clarified, still twirling his hair. _His eyes seem to be glazing over,_ Colette thought, studying him briefly. _Is he paying attention...?_ He caught her eye, however, and winked at her. _I guess he is...!_

"Yeah!" Lloyd replied, grinning. "They decided to keep our high school open a few more years though, so we finished up in Iselia. Dad says they're closing it for good this year..."

"That's too bad," Colette said with a little pout. "Luin was huge compared to Iselia, I felt so overwhelmed when I went there..."

"That's nothing," Zelos said. "I went to school in Meltokio, at least a 3,000 kids in my class."

Colette gasped, and both Lloyd and Zelos chuckled at her. "Goddess! I would have been so lost..."

"It's like, in Iselia, we knew _everyone_ , all our teachers, everyone around town--and everyone knew us by name," Lloyd said, staring up at the ceiling. "Coming to TU was really different from that...but in a good way, I guess?"

"Yeah," Colette agreed simply.

"What do you guys study?" Zelos asked. Colette heard a gentle thumping, and upon further investigation, found it was Zelos' leg bouncing under the table. The rest of his stature suggested a calm disposition.

"Ah, animal behavior and physiology!" she exclaimed, smiling brightly. "I want to be a veterinarian. I'm doing a lot of courses for my religious studies minor this semester, though."

Zelos raised an eyebrow. "Religious studies? You're too cute to be a priestess."

"W-well, I just love the story of Mithos, and the Goddesses' teachings, and I want to learn more about it."

"Mmm." Zelos' eyes flicked between them, and didn't let a beat pass between the conversation. "What about you, Lloyd?"

"Oh, uh, I haven't decided on a major yet," Lloyd said sheepishly. "I'm just doing a bunch of general courses right now--"

"Zelos?" Colette asked, staring right at him. A flash in his eyes made him appear like a deer in headlights, but it passed. "Didn't you say you were going to tell us a story after dinner?"

"Oh yeah?" He swallowed, tugging at his hair, then ran his hand back through it, smoothing it back. "I guess I did, but--"

The excuse was on the tip of his tongue, but as Lloyd and Colette's intent gaze weighed upon him, he seemed to withdraw, sighing at the table. "All right, fine. Figures since you got me off that bridge. I'm only gonna tell this one once, so you'd better listen."

He leaned forward, staring into his empty plate, his hands now clenched on the table. Colette and Lloyd exchanged a look. _What kind of story is this going to be?_ she thought, biting her lip. _Lloyd did save him from committing suicide_ _, so there's got to be something that got him up there. He didn't really talk too much to me when we were walking to Dirk's, he let me do the talking. Just like when we were talking here..._

It was a minute or so before he finally spoke. "It was winter," he started, his voice low. "I grew up in upper Meltokio, in one of the mansions on the east side. My father was a big business tycoon. I lived with him, my older sister, and my...my mother.

"We never spent too much time all together--my dad was usually working, Seles was doted on by all the nannies and maids, and my mom always kept to herself. I was alone a lot. I got some attention, sure, but Seles was the oldest and sweetest, and everyone said she'd be the heiress to the company. I tried to get to my mother, but she never wanted to play with me. She never seemed like she wanted kids in the first place, me or my sister, but I was 'too much of a hassle'."

Zelos paused and leaned back in his chair, his ice eyes in soft focus beyond his audience. "You see, there were rumors going around that I was a bastard child. That my mother had an affair with another man, but decided to just go through with it anyway. Something about the timing of events, I don't know. I heard it all though. But, I had the family hair and the eyes, so who knew any better? Hell, I still don't know. But, I heard it all when I was growing up. I might've been young, but damn it, I could hear.

"Anyway, it was winter when the final nail hit the coffin.

"I was maybe nine or ten years old. It was snowing, and the sun had just set. I wanted to go out and play in the snow, you know, go sledding, build a snow fort, anything like that. Seles shot me down instantly, doing something for school, I wasn't close to any of the nannies, so I tried to go to my mom's room. I should've known how it was gonna play out. I shouldn't have...shouldn't have pressed my luck. A-ah."

He faltered, grinding his teeth. "I went to her door. It was closed, as usual. 'Mom, it's snowing out', I said. There was no answer. 'Will you come out and play?' I asked. Nothing. See, I should have just cut my losses and left there, but she usually would respond when I came to the door. I was worried, y'know? But when I tried knocking again, she started just...just roaring.

"'Go away, you Goddess forsaken child!' she says." Zelos posture seemed to shrink. "'Find somewhere else to play. I shouldn't have even had you.' She'd never...been that... _direct_ with me before. She had raised her voice, sure, but never...like this. I remember...looking around, just to see if there was anyone there. The halls were empty. I w-was...scared. Hah." He tried to shake himself, shrugging with a grin, but his voice was dry, monotone, and dead. "I was a kid, 'course I was. Wouldn't you be? After your mother says you shouldn't have been born?"

"Zelos..." Lloyd tried to interrupt.

He shook his head and continued. "I said something like, 'Mom, please come out', o-or something, but I still got no reply. I tried again. And then, _bang."_

Zelos slammed his fist on the table, rattling the glasses and the silverware. Lloyd and Colette both jumped. Zelos eyes were wide and watery. "I was frozen there for a minute. I th-think I stopped breathing. There was quiet at first, but a maid came running down the hall to see what was the matter. Maybe she was around the corner the wh-whole time, who knows. Sh-she opened the door, i-it wasn't locked, and...my mother...she..."

He took a deep, deep breath. "She was sitting on her usual chair, facing the h-huge window. But there was one difference--s-she had a huge fucking hole in her head with a gun in her lap."

"That's enough," Lloyd said firmly, standing up and walking behind Zelos' chair. He placed his hands on the other's shoulders and massaged them gently.

Strangely, Zelos began to laugh. It was desperate. "Funny, isn't it? My mom offs herself and then years later, I go to follow in her footsteps! Isn't th-that great? Aren't I s-so fucking p-pathetic?!"

Colette wrung her hands in her lap, glued to her chair, unable to take her eyes off Zelos. _What should I do? I don't know what to do...I need to do something, I need to help--! But what, what, what? What do you even say to something as terrible as that?_ She tried to catch Lloyd's eye for some kind of clue, but he was in his own thoughts, probably thinking the same thing she was.

_What can I do?_

She got up from the table and gathered the empty dishes and silverware with trembling hands. "Nice, huh?" Zelos said, his voice steadier than the tears down his face would suggest. "Drop a fuckin' bomb like that on you guys, you've barely known me a f-fuckin' day..."

Colette ran hot water over the dishes, trying to collect herself. "It's okay, man," she heard Lloyd say. "You've had a _really_ rough day."

Zelos snorted, although his breath heaved. "Guess m-maybe." Colette opened the fridge and pulled out the half eaten birthday cake from the day before. _It's something._ She cut a small slice. 

"How many times have you told that story?" Lloyd asked, still rubbing Zelos' shoulders.

"I can't r-remember," he replied, wiping his eyes with his forearm. "I used to b-blank out telling it, fucked me up so bad. I-I usually tell it first or n-never at all--hey, what's this?"

Colette placed the cake in front of him, her hands behind her back. "Ah, it's just a little something," she stammered, smiling weakly. "My birthday was yesterday, so there's plenty of cake leftover."

Zelos cocked his head, then let it lean back against Lloyd's stomach, a relaxed smile spreading on his face for the first time since they started eating. "Well, happy belated birthday, Colette," he said. She couldn't help the smile creeping on her face.  _That's one of the first times he's used my actual name._ "Looks like the only present I can give you is me." He winked, but its charm was cut by a sniffle.

"Just eat your cake," Lloyd said, stepping away. "You'll feel better. I made that one myself too."

As he sat back down, Colette managed to meet Zelos' eyes directly. "We're here for you now, Zelos. You're not alone anymore."

He smirked through a mouthful of cake, rubbing his eyes again. "Yeah," was his only reply. He took another bite, then shook his head. "Sorry I keep crying all the time. I'm just a big fuckin' baby. Cake's good, by the way," he nodded to Lloyd.

"You're not a baby," Colette insisted. "You've been through a lot. It's okay to cry."

"Yeah?" Zelos questioned, not completely convinced.

"Yeah." It was Lloyd that replied this time, his voice even and firm. _It's kind of weird to see Lloyd in this position,_ Colette thought. _Usually he's so gung-ho and hot headed about everything, but he does have a reserve of patience. I guess he saves it for this sort of thing. He can be so...gentle, sometimes._ "Everything's going to be okay."

Zelos snorted. "You know how many times people have told me that?" he said, then set his fork down with his chin in his hand. Colette felt Lloyd tense beside her. "But somehow, you're the only one who's made it sound convincing."

Lloyd relaxed and grinned. "'Cause it is. You just gotta keep pushing forward, yeah?"

He wrapped an arm around Colette's shoulder, and flashed the smile at her. "Let's have some cake too," he said. "And I'll help you clean up."

Colette looked from Zelos back to Lloyd, the tension in the room finally dissipated. "Sounds good," she said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry if this chapter wraps kind of abruptly, it took a while to write it. Zelos curses a lot when he's upset, apparently. I used some of Zelos' backstory from the games to flesh out some of his trauma, while changing it up quite a bit as well to fit the setting. Seles is the older sibling purely for narrative purposes. It is an AU. Next chapter...probably a dream sequence!


	9. Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _You're naked inside your fear,_   
>  _You can't take back all those years._   
>  _And shots in the dark from empty guns,_   
>  _Are never heard by anyone._
> 
> "Naked", Goo Goo Dolls, _A Boy Named Goo._

_I'm in the mansion._

_Everything seems warped, bigger than it should be. Maybe I'm just really small. Every step I walk feels like I'm wading through sand. I can see everything, but I can't take in any detail. It's all a wash of creams, golds, reds. It's the same, but it's different, somehow.  
_

_Suddenly, I'm at_ her _door._

_I don't want to be. I don't want to be here, I want to run but I can't, I can't run. She's screaming through the door. "Go away, you stupid child! You should have never been born!_

_"You should have never been born!_

_"YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN BORN!"_

_I'm screaming too, I can't get out, please let me out! Let me out let me out get me out of here I can't move! It hurts I can't move--_

_BANG._

_The gunshot is so loud and I'm still screaming, the door creaks open and there's blood oozing from under the frame. I start walking toward her against my own will, there's blood on the carpet and blood on her housecoat and a giant fucking hole in her head oh goddess the skin is burnt and peeled from the wound, her eyes are lolling back in her head and I can only see the whites, her long hair is splattered and she's getting up SHE'S GETTING UP--_

_Her head jerks forward first, and the crack of her neck breaking is almost as loud as the gunshot was. She lurches up from her chair, her legs wide spread to keep her balance, her head flush against her chest, blood drooling down her front and all over. I still can't run I still can't do anything, nothing._

_"Zelos," she says and it's a croak and it makes me cringe I need to get the hell out of here I can't stay but she's towering huge over me with unseeing eyes. "It's your turn to DIE."_

_She grabs me with clawed hands by the throat and lifts me high above her. She's squeezing my neck squeezing I'm choking and crying and SCREAMING get me out of here get me out_

_wake me up_

_wake me up_

_WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE--_

* * *

 

Zelos jerked up with a start, clutching the sheets around him. _Open your eyes bud, open your eyes._ Sleep was a heavy blanket on him, but he strained the muscles around his eyes and forced them to prop open. He rubbed them fiercely, and realized that he was drenched in a cold sweat. _Shit. I knew I shouldn't have told that story...it's been a while since I've had_ those _nightmares again._

He took a couple deep breaths, attempting to reorient himself to his surroundings. _Right. I'm at Lloyd and Colette's place, the guys I met today after..._ He winced. _Yeah. I'm in their living ro_ _om, on the futon, wearing_

_Lloyd's shirt._

He rubbed his hand on his chest, feeling the fabric. _Yeah, Colette insisted. I normally sleep naked, but that probably wouldn't help any impression I've already made._ It was a plain white shirt, and huge on him, particularly in the neck and the arms. He picked at it by the collar and lifted it up to his nose. It smelled like a mixture of generic "fresh linens" detergent and a woodsy scent, as if it had been hung to dry on a pine tree. _He did say he worked with his dad in the woods,_ Zelos thought, sighing and staring into the dark room. _It's different. Kind of...comforting._

He rolled his shoulders back and fell back into a horizontal position, forcing himself to stay awake for a few minutes longer. _I don't want to go back to that dream again. I used to try and get right back to sleep after shit like this, and I'd just loop nightmares all night. I know they said--_

_("We're going to bed, Zelos."  
_

_"Aw, you mean I can't join you~?"_

_Colette giggled, and Lloyd rolled his eyes. "We got this futon all ready for you, so you better use it," he said._

_"C'mon, I'm kidding."_

_"Anyway, if you need anything, or if you're not feeling well, you know where we are. Just let us know, okay?"_

_"Yeah, yeah. G'night, princess. Night, Lloyd.")_

_\--I could come ask them for whatever, but..._

He shook his head. _I've dealt with this before. I'll manage._

_Hopefully._

He rolled over to his side, quickly drifting back to sleep.

* * *

 

_Now, I'm in Meltokio._

_The streets are packed with people, as usual. It feels like I'm squeezing through and pushing everyone around as I go, but no one seems to be paying attention. It's like I'm a ghost. I can actually move a little bit on my own, and I end up walking right through someone._

_Am I dead?_

_Faces seem to blur in with each other. I think I see people I know, but they fade away as quickly as they came. It doesn't feel good or bad. It just...is._

_Then, I see Lloyd. It has to be him, it's the only person standing out in this whole mess. I try to call out to him, but my voice is pinched in my throat. I can't make any sound. Running toward him works, but he's always just too far away. It's getting harder and harder to reach him. Wait, wait...! Don't leave me behind..._

_Don't leave me like everyone else--_

_Now, I'm in Meltokio._

_The streets are packed with people, as usual. It feels like I'm squeezing through and pushing everyone around as I go, but no one seems to be paying attention. It's like I'm a ghost. I can actually move a little bit on my own, and I end up walking right through someone._

_Am I dead?_

_Faces seem to blur in with each other. I think I see people I know, but they fade away as quickly as they came. It doesn't feel good or bad. It just...is._ _Things seem really familiar, it's like I've done this before. Did I just do this?_

_Then, I see Colette. It has to be, with her long blonde hair flowing behind her. She's the only person standing out in this mess. I try to run toward her too, but this time, it actually works, and I run right through her. I turn around, and she's standing beside Lloyd. They don't see me. They look right through me. Notice me, damn it!_

_Are you going to leave me behind too?_

_When I'm done being interesting?_

_When I've pushed too far? Are you?_

_Answer me, damn it!_

_Don't leave me like everyone else..._

* * *

 

Colette groggily walked out to the kitchen, an empty glass in her hand. _I should keep a water bottle by my bed, I always get thirsty,_ she thought, running the tap. She yawned and took a long drink before shuffling back toward the hallway. _Wait, is Zelos okay?_

She blinked herself awake and tip toed into the living room. Zelos was asleep, curled in a ball in one corner of the bed. His forehead was wrinkled, and although his breathing was steady, there was a tension behind it. "Wait..." he murmured in his sleep, rolling over. The sheets were crumpled at the foot of the bed, leaving him in his t-shirt and boxers exposed. Colette put her water down on the side table beside the futon and knelt beside him. On his pale, thin legs, Colette noticed thin scars, horizontally lined on his thighs. _I wonder if he has a cat...?_

_Is he having a nightmare?_

She watched in discomfort as he continued to sleep. _I don't want to wake him up...he looks like he doesn't get enough sleep as it is._ Instead, she took the sheets at the foot of the bed, fanned them out flat, and draped them over his body, covering up to his shoulders. After a moment of hesitation, she rubbed his back where she could reach. "It's okay," she whispered. "Get some sleep."

He appeared to relax just a bit, and he stirred just enough to re-situate himself in the bed. He was a little more stretched out, and his expression faded into neutral sleep. _That's better._ She smiled to herself and walked back into her bedroom, settling down into her fluffy comforter.

Just before she drifted to sleep, a thought woke her up. _Shoot! I forgot my water..._

* * *

 

_Wait a second. Something's changed..._

_Colette is looking right at me. She holds her hand out to me. "It's okay."_

_I look at Lloyd, and he's grinning at me too. Suddenly, the city is empty._

_Maybe they will stick around._

_The dream fades..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoy writing dream sequences, you can kinda go wild with them. I hope the POV line is okay to follow, I used the line breaks to break it up a little bit. The dreams are first person present, while everything else is third person limited. Doing a little bit of gory horror is fun too, especially since I grew up reading a lot of Stephen King novels. 
> 
> Anyway, we'll be meeting someone new next chapter!


	10. Class

"Hey, wake up."

Lloyd pushed Zelos' shoulder, mouth full of toothpaste foam, as the latter rolled over and blearily blinked open his eyes. "Whassit?" he slurred, running a hand back through his hair.

"Get dressed, you're coming with me to class," Lloyd said, walking back to the bathroom. He rinsed his mouth quickly and rushed back out, rummaging through his backpack sitting near the kitchen table. "Did you sleep all right?"

"Why am I going with you?" Zelos asked, stretching his arms high above his head.

"Colette's already left for the day, and I'm not comfortable leaving you by yourself yet."

Zelos huffed. "C'mon, I'm a grown man. You seriously don't have to do this." Despite his protests, his voice had a little less venom in them than the day before. "I've done school, I'd rather not go back."

"You don't even have to do anything, you can just chill out, take a nap, whatever." Lloyd zipped his backpack and slung it over his shoulder. "Besides, Professor Aurion's voice is kind of easy to tune out. I wouldn't fall asleep though, or else he might--"

"Lloyd?" Zelos raised an eyebrow and smirked. "I think you're missing something, bud," he said, pointing to his chest.

"Huh?" Lloyd looked down. He wasn't wearing a shirt. "Ah, shit!" he cursed, flinging the backpack off and running back into his bedroom. He rifled through his dresser until he found a t-shirt and forced it over his head.

"Hey, I wouldn't have minded, but I don't think it's 'school appropriate'," Zelos called from the living room, voice laced with amusement.

"Shut up!" _Really, why does he have to do that?_ Lloyd thought. _I guess he was serious when he said he was going to give Colette and I equal attention..._

When he came back out into the living room, Zelos was already dressed and grinning deviously. "You're only making it worse for yourself, you know," he commented.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lloyd crossed his arms.

Zelos shook his head and flipped his hair. "Nothing. Never mind. Heads up." He grabbed the t-shirt he wore to bed and tossed it to Lloyd, who caught it with one hand. "Thanks for letting me borrow that," he said, smirking.

"Sure." Lloyd passed it to the kitchen table. "Well, are you ready?"

He gave a wide shrug, spreading his arms with an open stance. He was still wearing the tight black t-shirt and loose fitted jeans that he was wearing the day before, along with a white headband to brush most of his hair out of his face. "It'd be nice if I had a comb, but I'm ready as I'll ever be."

"Oh yeah." Lloyd glanced around. "Ah, you can use Colette's, I guess. I think there's one in the bathroom."

"Hope she doesn't mind seeing some red in her brush." Zelos strode to the bathroom, rubbing his eyes again.

"Don't take too long, okay? Aurion hates it when we're late."

"Yeah, yeah, gimme just a minute."

Lloyd crossed his arms and drummed his fingers on his arm. _If I'm being honest, I still...don't really know what I think of this guy,_ he thought. _He's obviously had a really rough time, but for the most part, he seems okay. I wish he wouldn't hit on Colette like that, or me for that matter. At the same time, I don't know how serious he is about it. I can't really read him. He's laughing one minute, then crying the next._

_I want to see if I can know more. That's part of why I don't want to take him home yet...  
_

Zelos waltzed out from the hallway, his wavy hair slightly bushier than before. "It's something," he said, walking ahead of Lloyd to the door. "We're going, yeah?"

"Yeah." He slung his backpack over his shoulder and followed Zelos out into the breezy morning air.

* * *

 

Tethe'alla University's campus was set on a hill just off the main road, with a street that separated it from the litter of gas stations and stores below. There were trees lining the walkways winding through campus, and the grass around was a vibrant green, constantly being watered by sprinklers in the ground. The buildings themselves were nothing much from the outside, simply standard brick and cement with arched doorways. The dorm buildings separated themselves from the classrooms by being significantly taller, a few able to be viewed from a distance. The atmosphere was quiet when Lloyd and Zelos arrived--only a few students were wandering through the dewy grass and pathways.

"I've never been here before," Zelos commented, looking around. "Pretty nice for a public college."

"What, did your school have gold statues everywhere?" Lloyd scoffed.

"Yeah, actually," he retorted, smirking out of the corner of his mouth. "Meltokio University was pretty posh, in the heart of Tethe'alla. This place is too close to Sylvarant to be more than what it is."

Lloyd rolled his eyes. _Of course, he grew up in Meltokio, so we're just backwoods garbage. Tethe'alla and Sylvarant are right next to each other, but there's always been rivalry between the counties, since Tethe'alla has always had the bigger cities, more money, and more people. To them, we're just ants._ "Anyway, what'd you even study?"

"I didn't," Zelos replied coyly.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"I went to college for a couple years, barely. I dropped out after..." Zelos paused, a shadow passing over him. "Ah, after some complications with the family business."

Lloyd cocked his head. "Complications?"

Zelos stared down at him out of the corner of his eye. "Tch. You really want another depressing story after yesterday?"

 _Oh boy._ "Well, I--"

"Whatever." Zelos linked his hands behind his head. "You've gotten this far, right? This one ain't so bad anyway, and it's pretty simple: my father died. Heart attack or something. Old bastard wasn't around enough to care. He left the business, multi million dollar manufacturing corporation, rivaling the Lezareno Company, between the two of us, along with the inheritance. Everyone around me kept pushing me to keep pursuing business school to take over the place, especially Seles."

He looked down at Lloyd, the same dead light in his eyes. "I said to her, 'if you're so passionate about it, why don't _you_ take over the business?' And she did. And with that, I dropped out of school and moved out of my parents' mansion." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "There you go."

"Wow," Lloyd replied. More questions lingered on his lips, but upon the sight of his class building, he swallowed them down. "Ah, it's in here."

Zelos chuckled under his breath as he followed Lloyd. "No comment, huh?"

"Well...not right now. We're almost there." Lloyd tapped his student ID in the card reader and opened the heavy glass door, pacing in front of Zelos.

The classroom was two flights up, and they arrived five minutes before the hour. It was a small classroom, only enough room for about twenty students to sit in the tightly clustered desks. The professor was already at his desk, sifting through a pile of papers. He looked up when Lloyd and Zelos arrived, deep red eyes glancing between them. "Lloyd Irving," he greeted. "Who is this?"

"Hey, Professor," Lloyd said, after a deep breath. "This is a friend of mine. Is it okay if he sits in?" His hands were clenched at his sides. _Professor Kratos Aurion, history department chair. Everyone says that he's a hardass, and he doesn't allow for many exceptions. I haven't seen it in action so far, but I don't want to test my luck._

Professor Aurion stared between them for a moment, then sighed, only showing in his shoulders. "I suppose it's fine," he said, scratching the back of his dark red hair. He addressed Zelos directly with a frown. "You may sit at the back. If I see you disrupting my class, however, I will not hesitate to remove you from the class. Are we clear?"

"Sheesh, you don't have to be so harsh," Zelos replied nonchalantly, putting a hand on his hip. Lloyd cringed. _Goddess, have mercy._

Aurion's eyebrows narrowed. "I said, are we _clear?"_ His voice was menacing.

Zelos jerked back, biting his lip. "Er, yes, sir."

"Good." He watched as Zelos made his way to the back of the class, between two women already buried in their notebooks. "Is this an old friend?" he asked Lloyd.

Lloyd relaxed only momentarily, a grimace etched on his face. "Not exactly. It's...kind of a long story. I'll make sure he--"

"Relax, Lloyd." Aurion's voice softened, startling Lloyd. "I've had plenty of students like him. Just pay attention in class. I don't need you anymore distracted than you already can be all on your own."

 _Yikes, does he really notice that much?_ Lloyd stared at the floor. "I-I'm sorry--"

"Go sit. I am about to start." There was a trace of a smirk on his face as he stood up.

"Y-yes, sir."

Lloyd took the seat just ahead of Zelos, plopping down in and letting his backpack slide off his shoulders and onto the floor beside him. "Hey," Zelos' voice whispered in his right ear. Lloyd jumped. Zelos had leaned so close he could almost feel his lips on his ear. "Was that your uncle or something?"

"Uh, no? We aren't related," Lloyd whispered back, keeping one eye at the front of the room and one back toward Zelos. "Why?"

"No reason. You kinda look alike, and the way he was talking to you."

"Really? We don't look anything alike," Lloyd replied, rummaging through his back and yanking out a notebook. "I had him last semester for World History I, so he knows me a bit already. This is World History II."

"Seems like a small lecture class," Zelos whispered, looking around him. He grinned devilishly. "At least I have these two hunnies beside me to keep me occupied."

Lloyd's eyes widened. "Oh for the love of Martel, _please_ don't get me kicked out--"

Professor Aurion's voice boomed in the classroom, vying for attention. "All right, let's get started," he said, surveying his students. "Today, we'll be discussing the Balacruf Civilization. Their civilization was located east of modern day Asgard, where the ruins..."

The professor's voice lulled in Lloyd's ears, and he lazily took notes, copying down a couple details at a time, spacing some time out to look out the window. _Aurion starts out okay, but then it's just hard to pay attention to him after a while._ He yawned, covering his face. _At least he writes down the import_ _ant stuff on the white board._

He copied down a few more things onto his notebook before he heard the rise of whispering behind him. He turned to see Zelos running a finger down the arm of the girl sitting next to him, who looked simultaneously impressed and disgusted. "Psst!" Lloyd hissed, and when Zelos looked up, he made a slashing motion across his neck. _Cut it out, idiot!_ Zelos did not seem too phased, returning his gesture with a wink.

Lloyd turned back to the front, where Aurion was already making direct eye contact with him. _Right, pay attention to class, and he'll take care of Zelos. I just_ really _don't want him kicked out. What if he_ _gets depressed again and decides to run off?_ The professor didn't break in his lecture, however, and shortly turned back to the board. _Whew._ _So far so good..._

The whiteboard began filling with dates and notes, and Lloyd struggled to write down the copious amounts of text. _Damn, I should have grabbed a coffee before coming over here, I'm losing steam._ A bird flew across the window, and he was immediately distracted. _I wonder what we can do after class. I only have this one today, and Colette gets out at the same time. We could go to Sheena's and grab a real bite to eat, then maybe go to Mizuho or something. I don't know if Zelos will be up for staying another night. I'd feel better if he did--_

"You're a cutie. Can I get your number?"

"Um...I don't think so..."

"C'mon, just write it on here..."

The whispering behind him was loud enough to discern conversation, and enough to jerk Lloyd out of his thoughts. _Not again!_ Lloyd whirled around. "Zelos!" he scolded, teeth clenched.

"What?" Zelos mouthed, holding out the palm of his hand to the girl beside him, who seemed even more uncomfortable than before.

At the front of the room, Professor Aurion cleared his throat. "Excuse me." He was staring down the two with eyes of fire, voice dripping with annoyance. Lloyd sank down in his seat. _Great, you've done it this time..._

Zelos, on the other hand, sat up straight. "Yes, Professor?" he asked sweetly.

"Do not disrupt my students," Aurion said. "I will ask you to leave next time." He lingered on Zelos for a moment, then turned toward the board. "As I was saying, the wind spirit..."

Lloyd felt the eyes of the class boring in him and Zelos, and he stared intently down at his notebook. _Why? Just let me get through this, it's only an hour block. Behave for the rest of the hour, Zelos, please..._

He focused himself on the board, hastily catching up on what he missed while the professor wheeled out the overhead projector. He flicked off the lights and put up a slide with a diagram of the Balacruf Mausoleum. As he studied it, he noticed the initials "R.S." in the top corner. _Are those from..._ _?_ He raised his hand. "Yes, Lloyd?" Aurion said.

"Are those Raine--I mean, Professor Sage's slides?" he asked. _Raine doesn't mind being on a first name basis, since she's also my faculty adviser and Genis' sister, but here it's probably not the best idea..._

Professor Aurion smirked knowingly. "Yes, these are made from her collection of maps," he replied. "She's done a large amount of field work. I dare say she's more enthusiastic about ruins than anyone in our department." He drew a wet-erase pen from below the stand. "I suggest you attend an office hour of hers if you wish to know more."

Lloyd nodded, returning to his notes. _That sounds like her, all right. She used to go off on Colette and I when we visited Genis' about her recent finds. I don't have a class with her yet, but Colette does this semester. I hope she's doing all right._

"That's enough for today," Aurion said suddenly. Lloyd glanced at the clock--it was ten minutes before the hour. "Review your notes for next class, I may give a pop quiz on Monday. These maps are scanned on the class website for review as well. Have a good weekend."

The rest of the class rose from their seats in unison, and the two girls sitting beside Zelos zoomed out the door before Lloyd could even get out of his seat. He stretched and glanced at Zelos, who had a faraway look on his face. "You know, for being such an obvious flirt, you don't seem to be making much headway," Lloyd snarked. "Thanks for not getting me kicked out of class."

"Huh? Ah, yeah," Zelos replied, rolling his neck around his shoulders until it cracked. "Guess I'm losing my touch a little." He yawned. "So, where now?"

"Let's go meet up with Colette. She's in the next building over," Lloyd said, returning his backpack to his shoulders.

"You don't have anymore classes?" Zelos asked.

"No, I only scheduled one for Friday." Lloyd led the way out of the classroom, crossing the front desk. "Bye, professor."

"Take care, Lloyd," Aurion replied, nodding as he put away his supplies in a briefcase.

"Damn, I get to miss out on embarrassing you even more?" Zelos teased lightly. "What a shame."

 _"Please_ don't," Lloyd pleaded. "Aurion can be really strict--"

"He seemed to be pretty lenient with you."

"He called me out on not paying attention in class!"

Zelos chuckled. "You seem like the type to charm anyone into liking you. I'm not surprised the 'really strict' professor is being nice to you." He looked directly at him, this time with a more genuine smile. It was enough to stop him on the stairs for a moment. _He's being...sincere this time. No one's really told me that before, besides maybe Dad. Zelos..._

"Er, I-I guess," Lloyd said, resuming his stride. "Let's just go meet with Colette."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Kratos! I know it can be confusing, having the narrative calling him by his last name, but he and Lloyd aren't on a first name basis (yet). Trying to map where things are in context is a little...challenging to say the least. The ToS2 joint map doesn't help connect the two worlds much, so bear with me! A few name drops of other characters are in here, I'll add them to the tags as they actually appear in the story. We'll probably meet one of them next chapter!


	11. Return

"Hey guys!" Colette greeted, waving to the boys. She was wearing a flowery top and had her hair up in a low ponytail. Her smile was sunny, but she had dark circles under her eyes. "How was class, Lloyd?"

"Tolerable. No thanks to this guy," Lloyd said, jabbing a thumb at Zelos.

"I was just havin' a little fun," he insisted, scratching the back of his head. "Could've been worse. Still didn't get that girl's number."

"What class did you have again?" Colette asked, choosing to ignore Zelos' comment.

"World History II with Aurion," Lloyd replied. "He's a little dry, but it's all right."

"Oh yeah! I might have him for something next semester, to fill an elective or something," she said, adjusting her own backpack. "I had Ka-Fai for Life of Martel my last period."

"'Life of Martel'? What kind of class is that?" Zelos asked, an eyebrow raised.

"It's a lot of reading and exploring what we know of the Goddess' life here in the world. It's really fascinating." Colette put a finger to her lips in thought. "He's always really enthusiastic about it, and even though the syllabus says that it's a discussion based class, he likes to take over the conversation a lot with anecdotes..."

"At least you get to lay back a bit," Lloyd remarked, stretching his arms out, fingers laced together. "So now what, wanna head home?"

"I think we should do something, since we have Zelos with us," Colette said. "We could go up to Ozette by the forest..."

Lloyd frowned. "Nah, there's nothing to do up there."

"But it's so pretty..."

"Still, that's all there is. What about Meltokio? There's a ton to do there."

"Not the city, not when I've got to go volunteer at the animal shelter later tonight."

"Okay...Sheena's place?"

"You two are worse than a married couple," Zelos commented, looking between them smugly. They both jolted up blinking, so engrossed in themselves that they forgot about their new companion.

"We're--" Lloyd began.

"We're not--" Colette also said. They both stopped short, looking at each other with frustration. She tried again. "It's not..." But even without Lloyd interrupting, she cut herself off to the sound of Zelos' laughter.

"You two are cute," he said, catching his breath. "I've got an idea: why don't we go to my apartment?"

"Oh! That's a good idea!" Colette exclaimed, eyes bright.

"Where do you live, anyway?" Lloyd asked, a hand on his hip.

"In Meltokio Heights. It's a suburb outside the city," he replied, already walking ahead of them.

"Isn't that where all those huge, pretty houses are? I remember driving through there when I was little," Colette mused, following behind.

"That's right," Zelos said, ruffling her hair with his hand. She giggled, and he glanced back at Lloyd. His hands were in his pockets, eyes on Colette's back. "Hope you don't mind a bit of a walk."

"Course not." Lloyd was still trailing behind, and Zelos made an effort to let him catch up, a touch on his back to get him to walk beside them. Zelos saw his eyes widen briefly at the touch. Lloyd's attention was drawn, however, to Colette weaving between the two to grasp Lloyd's arm. 

"It'll be a little adventure!" she chirped. Lloyd could smell the fresh scent of flowers and soap from her hair, and he found it hard to hide a grin.

Zelos watched from the corner of his eye, and tucked it in the back of his mind.

* * *

 

It was almost an hour of walking before the trio reached the outskirts of Meltokio, the city looming behind them. "Did you really walk this far yesterday?" Lloyd asked, trudging behind Colette with Zelos in the lead. "I didn't know it was this long to the city..."

"Yes and no," Zelos replied, waving his hand in the air dismissively. "I just didn't want to take the Tethe'alla bridge, so I took a roundabout way with you guys. You _did_ say you had time to kill."

"Well, yeah, but I really didn't want to spend the whole time walking..."

Colette, on the other hand, was staring wide eyed all around her, enjoying the scenery. "You're so lucky to live around here, Zelos," she said in awe. The streets were lined with flowering bushes and pristine green grass, so lush that upon first glance, it looked artificial. Each of the houses were a different pastel color and had a front porch decorated with plants, everything neatly trimmed to perfection. The roads themselves were newly paved, and traffic on them was light. As they came to an intersection where the road ended, the cross street greeted them with a large apartment building, ten stories high and built in yellow brick. The sign by the front entry was lettered in gold leaf, reading "Meltokio Heights: Luxury Apartments".

"Here we are," Zelos said, crossing the intersection without hesitation. Lloyd and Colette both stopped as he went ahead, making them run up behind to catch up before cars caught up to them. They walked into the building, adorned with jade green marble, as Zelos fiddled with his keys. "Granted, it's lucky I even brought anything with me when I left yesterday."

Lloyd shuddered at the comment, but Colette was busy looking over the tenant doorbells, glossing over the names. "Is Z. Wilder you? It's the only 'Z' name I can see," she asked, a finger hovering over the name.

"Yup, seven-oh-five," he replied, opening the door and holding it open for his guests. "Don't worry, there's an elevator."

They stepped into the lobby, which also housed a front desk, as well as mailboxes, a few couches, and a water cooler. There was a large glass chandelier hanging from the ceiling, and the green marble floors continued through until the back of the hallway. A young woman with a pink bob was at the desk, shuffling through papers. Zelos greeted her with a lazy salute and a wink. "Hey, Alicia. Keeping busy?"

Her eyes flickered up from her work briefly, but she did a double take. "Oh, good afternoon Mr. Wilder," she greeted. "I don't think I've ever seen you with guests."

"Special occasion," he replied, striding to the elevator.

As he pressed the up button, also adorned in gold, Colette stood on her toes to whisper in his ear. "I thought only hotels had front desk people," she whispered.

Lloyd was also forced to stand on his toes to confide to him, to his displeasure. "She looked kind of familiar too," he mused.

A bell chimed, and the elevator doors slid open, and Zelos ushered them in. "I guess this place is just fancy enough," he replied, smiling to himself. "And you may have seen her somewhere. She's Regal Bryant's fiancée."

"Regal Bryant? As in president of the Lezareno Company?" Lloyd exclaimed as the door shut behind him.

"Yup," Zelos said, pressing "7" on the elevator. "His company manages this building, and he happens to live on the first floor. Kind of ironic that I picked this place to live."

"Huh?" Colette questioned. The elevator careened upward at a brisk speed, wobbling her in the process. "What do you mean?"

"Oh right, I told Lloyd, not you." Zelos playfully poked her cheek with a finger. "My family started Meltokio Manufacturing Inc. years ago. Lezareno and MMI used to be big rivals when he first started out. My sister and I are heirs to the company."

Colette's eyes grew wide. "Oh, wow! No wonder you can live in such a nice place like this!"

"Honey, you haven't even seen the half of it," he crooned as the doors opened to the seventh floor. He led the way to the very end of the hall, where he unlocked three locks, and rushed through the door, spreading his arms out wide and bowing. "Make yourselves comfortable."

The first thing Lloyd noticed upon walking in, was that the apartment was spotless. The door opened to the living room, spacious with room for an entertainment center, a couch, two overstuffed chairs, and a fire place that looked largely unused. The entertainment center had a big screen TV, along with a DVD player, VCR, full surround sound, and what appeared to be a Playstation2 and a GameCube. There was a CD rack full of a combination of games and movies beside it, as well as another bin stacked with tapes.

"Holy crap, man, I haven't seen anyone with this much stuff!" Lloyd exclaimed, sliding his shoes off and walking over to the entertainment center. "I always wanted a GameCube, but I couldn't afford one..."

Colette took her time, looking around. _It feels...empty in here, still,_ she thought. _Like I'm in a showroom instead of someone's home..._

She felt Zelos hands on her shoulders. "Go on, sit down," he encouraged. "I'll be there in a second."

He walked off into the hallway, and she took a seat on the couch in front of Lloyd, who was still crouched in front of the TV. As soon as he saw Zelos leave, he crawled over to Colette. "Listen, if he ever bothers you...you know, let me know," he muttered.

She shook her head smiling. "Lloyd, it's fine, I promise."

He was still doubtful. "Even though he's always touching you?"

"Goddess, Lloyd, it's not like he's..." Her voice dipped. "Groping me or anything. I think that's just...how he is."

"Colette..."

"He does it to you, too."

"Huh..." Lloyd stared down at the ground, at a loss for words.

She put a hand on his shoulder and rubbed it, before withdrawing it to tuck a flyaway behind her ear. "Don't worry too much about it, okay? I think he's just affectionate, and probably grateful that we're--"

"Much better," Zelos said loudly, walking back into the room. He was wiping his face with a towel, and had changed into a different t-shirt and pulled his hair back into a ponytail. "Everything cool?"

Colette and Lloyd exchanged a look that said the same thing. _Was he listening?_ "Yeah!" Colette replied with a sunny look. "Did you have anything in mind for us to do?"

"I dunno, you're the guests. That's how it works, right?" Zelos flipped his ponytail. "It's been a while since I've had people over. Lucky the cleaning lady came by the other day."

Lloyd returned to the entertainment center, glancing over the games. "So that's why everything's so clean."

"I'm a bachelor in my 20's with loads of cash, what did you expect?" he exclaimed with a shrug. "She comes by every couple weeks and does the laundry too."

"Hey, a bunch of this stuff you haven't even opened yet," Lloyd commented, pulling out a couple disc boxes still in their shrink wrap. "We could give these games a try."

"Sure, pull out whatever you want," Zelos said, flopping on the couch. He leaned back, arms splayed along the back, and more relaxed than either of them had seen him. "I can order something in if you guys are hungry too. Whatever you want."

"Ah, you don't have to--" Lloyd started.

"I'm serious." Zelos smiled at Lloyd, and its warmth almost startled him.

"Um, where's your bathroom?" Colette asked, standing and smoothing her top.

"First door on the right down the hall," he replied, lazily pointing behind him.

Colette walked through the kitchen, which was equally as spacious as the living room--big enough for a full sized kitchen table, dishwasher, full stove, and an immaculate stainless steel refrigerator with plenty of room to move around. The hallway was on the right side, with three rooms besides the bathroom, which was the first door. _This place is so big, and yet he lives alone,_ she mused, stepping into the bathroom and shutting the door. The bathroom was no exception to the theme of the house--featuring a tub big enough for two people to comfortably lay in, a separate shower, and a long, wide sink nearly as long as Colette was tall. It was big enough to lose sight of the toilet, tucked in the back corner.

 _And yet,_ she thought, a crease in her brow, _it all looks the same--like no one even lives here. Or rather, it doesn't look like he uses most of the apartment._

She washed her hands and peered out of the bathroom, listening to Lloyd and Zelos bicker. "I _knew_ you were going to pick that guy with the long hair." "He matches me--handsome and sexy~." "Martel, cut it out! I'll beat you with this giant troll fighter." "Suit yourself, I've still got the upper hand, since it's my game." "You haven't even played it!" "So?" She giggled and tip toed down the hallway toward the other rooms. The two doors at the end of the hall, facing each other, were both ajar, so she went to them first. One was almost completely empty, save for a couple stacks of cardboard boxes, overflowing with clothes. The other room, significantly smaller, was full of odds and ends--some furniture, more boxes, a small dresser, discarded electronics, and a broken desk chair in the middle of it all. _More storage...or garbage?_ She walked back through to the one door that was shut tight. _If those rooms aren't being used, than this must be his bedroom..._

"Oh, angel~!"

Her hand was on the handle when she heard Zelos' voice, and her shoulders jumped. "Y-yes?" she called, immediately stepping away from the door and walking back to the living room. Both boys were on the couch, controllers in hand.

"Hope you didn't get lost, kitten," he crooned. "I just got done kicking this guy's _ass."_ He jabbed Lloyd playfully with an elbow and mussed his hair, much to the other's discontent. The TV screen was flashing "P1 WINS" in what appeared to be a fighting game.

She chuckled at their banter, then interrupted herself. _Kitten...!_ "Oh yeah, where's your kitty?" she asked. The image marks on Zelos' thighs surfaced to the front of her mind.

"Huh?" he replied, blank faced.

"I thought you said you had a cat," she remarked, taking a look around.

"Uh, nope," he said. "I had a goldfish when I was a kid, and it died in a week, so I don't think me taking care of an animal is the best idea."

"Ah." She bit her lip and wrapped her arms behind her back, fidgeting with her fingers. _Those scars, then..._

"Yeah, I don't remember talking about that," Lloyd chimed in, scratching the back of his neck.

Colette filed her thoughts away, forcing a laugh. "I must've just imagined it then, it's okay!"

Zelos studied her for a brief moment, then held up the controller to her. "Wanna give it a go?"

"Oh! Um, sure!" she said, gingerly taking the controller. "I'm not very good at video games though..."

"Don't worry, I'll let you battle the loser first," he said, scooting over so she could sit between the two of them.

"Gee, thanks," Lloyd groaned. "This game has a lot of combo controls, so good luck."

"Oh no..." Colette said, her posture small as she looked at the screen. "I-I'll do my best...!"

"I've got some racing games too, if that's too much for you," Zelos assured. "C'mon, I wanna see you two fight!"

* * *

 

"Damn it, Colette won _again!"_ Lloyd shouted, the controller dropping out of his lap. "Who knew you'd be good at racing?"

She beamed and stuck her tongue out at him. "Dirk always says that I'm the better driver."

"You guys have a car?" Zelos asked. He was balancing his controller on his head.

"Just a cruddy old hand me down truck," Lloyd said, kicking back. "We live practically on campus, so we don't need to use it that much, except when we go to Iselia for the weekend or something. Colette and I share it."

"You guys seem to be attached at the hip, so I guess that makes sense," Zelos teased, winking at the both of them. "I've got a convertable and a motorcycle down in the basement garage."

Colette's eyes lit up. "You drive a motorcycle? That's so cool!"

"It is a hit with the ladies," Zelos chuckled, putting an arm around Colette's shoulder. "I can take you for a ride if you want."

"Hey!" Lloyd snapped.

"Don't worry, you can have a turn too," he flirted, leaning over to him. "There's plenty of me to go around."

"Th-that's not what I meant..." Lloyd fizzled, a flare of pink in his cheeks.

Colette glanced around until her eyes caught a clock, and she gasped. "Oh shoot! I'm going to be late!" She lurched from the couch, scurrying over to the door to put her shoes on.

"I thought you didn't have anymore classes," Zelos asked, the easy-going tone fading quickly from his voice.

"I don't, but she volunteers at the animal shelter near our apartment," Lloyd replied, also getting up. "I should get going too. I'm meeting up with my dad to do some work in Iselia."

"S-so soon?" Zelos' voice cracked, and his fingers gripped the side of the couch. "I mean, couldn't you--"

Colette was already putting on her backpack. "There are supposed to be puppies due today, and some prelim vaccinations, so I don't want to be late."

"Just as long as you don't bring any home. The landlords will kick us out for sure," Lloyd commented, shoving his own feet in his shoes. His eye caught Zelos on the other side of the couch, who had shrunk with eyes downcast at the floor. "Hey, man, thanks for having us over."

"Sure," he muttered.

There was a heavy silence between the group. "H-how about we give you our numbers?" Colette piped up, sliding off her backpack as soon as it was on her shoulders. She rummaged through and ripped out a sheet of notebook paper with a pen. She quickly scrawled her phone number down and passed it up to Lloyd. "Write down yours too."

"Oh yeah, good thinking." His numbers were scratchier than Colette's round print, and he tore off the end and handed it to Zelos, along with the half blank sheet. "Give us yours too."

Zelos shook his head, as if he was in a fog. He wrote down two different numbers. "First one's my cellphone, the other is the land line here," he said. His voice still sounded as if it were weighed down by a wet blanket. "I've got nothing better to do, so..."

"If you're feeling down, don't hesitate to call us, okay?" Colette insisted, taking the paper and folding it in her pocket. "We promise one of us will be there. Right, Lloyd?"

He nodded, and walked over to the couch. "Yeah." He held out his hand to Zelos. "Promise?"

Zelos stared at it for a moment, then, after a moment of fumbling with his fingers, he gripped his palm with a small smirk. "Yeah. Sure."

Lloyd grinned. "All right. We'll hang out again next week, yeah? I'll have to brush up on my gaming somehow to beat you."

"Maybe we can watch a movie next time instead?" Colette pleaded. "You guys get too intense..."

"Aw, don't worry," Lloyd assured, making eye contact with first her, then Zelos. "Zelos isn't so bad. I was having fun."

They both looked at him warmly, and he seemed to soften just enough. "Thanks, guys. Guess...I'll see you?"

"Yeah!" they both said in unison. "We're friends, we'll see each other soon!" Colette finished.

They readjusted their backpacks and headed out the door, waving to Zelos as they left. Even as they went, he could hear them talking down the hall. "I wonder how long the walk will be if we take the bridge." "Hopefully not too long, my legs are killing me. If I knew we were going to be doing all this, I would've taken the truck." "...I like Zelos. You were right about him."

Silence took over the apartment. "Yeah. Soon," Zelos muttered to himself, sliding down into the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 5/27: Added an extra conversation in, addressing something from a couple chapters ago. Colette's not as ditzy as she may appear to others. Also, I can speak a little more for the meta now: of _course_ Yuan would be enthusiastic about Martel. I'm not sure if we'll actually see much of Regal in this story, I have him planning to show up as a cameo, but I don't know how much else. Zelos "touchy" nature is based off a former co-worker of mine--the little touches are never invasive, just friendly. He probably picked it up from someone he used to date. Hm, I think that's all I've got right now!  
>  EDIT 7/1: Changed some bits about Colette's going to class to going to volunteer.   
> \---  
> Whew! I feel like I may have rushed some parts, but hopefully it reads okay. Lloyd gets a hair jealous about Zelos flirting with Colette, but then again, Zelos flirts with him a bit too. We'll be coming back to his place soon, for next chapter is a bit of a time skip. I think that's all I have to say right now, I'm a bit burnt out since this chapter took so long to write. Please enjoy!


	12. A Week Later

8:39 PM.

Colette rubbed her eyes in the bluish light emitting from the laptop screen in front of her. It could hardly be called a laptop--with all the cables and wires hanging off it, it was permanently tethered to Lloyd's desk. The document in front of her was nearly finished, neatly double spaced in Times New Roman font, properly numbered and cited. _It's not due for a couple days,_ she thought as the screen doubled in her eyes. _Maybe I should call it a night..._

Behind her, she heard the rolling and shuffling of Lloyd on the bed behind her. When she looked over, he was holding a text book above his head, his eyes barely open. "You don't have to hang out with me while I do this, Lloyd," she said. "You can go watch TV or something."

"Wha? Nah, it's okay! It gives me an excuse to study," he insisted, rolling to his side, facing her.

She raised an eyebrow, unable to hide a smirk. "You're holding that book upside down," she remarked.

"Oh." He quickly flipped it around with a laugh, then yawned loudly. "Maybe I'll just wait til tomorrow or something, I'm beat from being at Dad's all day today." He stretched his legs out, wiggling his toes. "Everyone says hi. Why didn't you come up again?"

"I had to work on...this," she said, pointing at the screen with defeat. "It's for Raine's class. I wanted to get it done ahead of time."

"Oh, yeah." Lloyd rolled onto his stomach, face mashed in the pillow. "I should probably do that thing for Aurion's class sometime." He yawned again, eyes winking shut. "Maybe someday. Not tonight." He rolled over to his other side, away from Colette, and she allowed herself to smile at his back. _He's cute when he's sleepy, even if he's not responsible._

She sighed and hit the key combination on the laptop to save, and scooted her chair out from underneath the desk. "I think I'm done for tonight," she announced, eying the mess of a desk in front of her. _Lloyd doesn't organize anything on here,_ she thought with a frown. There were pens everywhere, discarded cables aside from the ones already attached to the laptop, candy wrappers, CD's without labels, and scraps of paper of every shape and size. Out of the mess, a particular sheet of paper caught her eye.She picked it up between her fingers, her gaze running over the narrow scrawl.  _Zelos' number..._

"Oh, you know what?" she exclaimed. She continued when Lloyd didn't respond. "We haven't heard from Zelos since we last saw him. It's been over a week now."

"Mmm...oh yeah, Zelos..." Lloyd sounded distant.

Colette pressed the paper to her lips, a shadow of worry crossing her face. "I wonder if he's okay. I'm surprised he hasn't called us yet, he seemed like he wanted us to stay last time."

He yawned and shifted on the bed. "We've both been busy." His speech was slurred with fatigue.

She stared at the paper further, her forehead creasing. "I'm going to call." She rolled out of the desk chair and strode across the hall to her bedroom, where her cellphone was sitting neatly in the middle of her desk. She flipped it open and carefully dialed the first number listed. On the other end, it didn't ring, but immediately said, _"The person you have dialed--207-555-1530--is currently unavailable. At the tone, please record your message--"_ Colette snapped the phone shut. _Straight to voicemail, so his cellphone must not even be on. What about the landline number...?_ She quickly dialed it, being very similar to the first, and listened. One ring, two, three, four, and then a generic message played.  _"Hello. No one is available to take your call. Please leave a message after the tone."_

Colette swallowed, and still jumped after the beep. "Um, hi! This is Colette, Lloyd's roommate, that you met the other day? Ah, it's been longer, but..." _Come on, pull it together!_ "I-I was wondering how you were doing, and maybe if you wanted to get together sometime soon? G-give me a call at this number, or you can call Lloyd too! Okay, bye!"

She hit the end button on her phone and stared at it in discontent. _It's a Sunday night, he'd probably be home, right? I don't know if he has work or whatever...but something doesn't seem right. We should have gotten a hold of him, he seemed like he had been alone for a long time..._

_It's not too late, is it?_

She glanced at her alarm clock, reading 9:14. _Yeah._ She walked back over to Lloyd's room. "Lloyd? Let's go over to see Zelos," she said.

There was no reply. Lloyd's side, from what she could see, was rising and falling in a steady manner. "L-Lloyd?" she tried again. Still no reply. She huffed. _He's out like a light. He won't wake up even if I shake him, and even still, he'd probably fall asleep in the truck._ She turned around back toward the laptop and slowly shut the lid. _I still really have a bad feeling about this. I want to go see Zelos. Even if it's just to say hi._

_I'm going._

She jotted down a quick note on one of the many paper scraps on the desk ("Going to see Zelos. Taking the truck. Call if you need me. -C") and placed it on top of his phone, sitting on the nightstand. With a gentle touch to his shoulder, she clicked the lamp off on the nightstand and slipped out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

Returning to her own room, she slid off the pajama shorts she was wearing into a pair of jeans, and grabbed a thin, tight fitting sweatshirt for the road. _Okay. I have my phone, I'll just bring my wallet, and then the keys. I wonder if I should bring a snack or something? No, that's too much. I'll be okay._

Shutting lights off as she went, Colette made her way out the front door, grabbing the truck keys, which only consisted of one actual key and a few key fobs, one carved by Lloyd himself. As she locked the door behind her, a cool blast of wind blew her hair around, making her shiver. _Maybe I should have brought a better jacket...no, if I stall too long, it'll get too late._ She walked around the complex to the back parking lot, where a very well loved pick up truck sat in the corner space. The paint job could only be described as "rust colored"--it looked as if it was red at one point, but was ridden through a swamp one too many times. The driver's side door opened with a creak, and Colette made the hop up to seat herself inside it, metal rattling as she slammed the door. She stuck the key in the ignition and closed her eyes. _Please start on the first try._

With a twist, the engine sputtered, and miraculously, it caught with a small roar, dulling to a sputtering putter. She sighed with relief and adjusted the seat. _That's a good omen. Maybe Lloyd got it checked out when he went back up today._ She pressed in the clutch and shifted the truck into reverse, spinning the wheel around. _Meltokio Heights was where he lived, so if I drive outside of the city, I should be able to find it okay._ Colette pulled out of the parking lot, and down the short road that connected to the main road. _Maybe I should have printed out a map..._

Both hands gripped the steering wheel. _No, I'll be fine. No second guessing._ She nodded to herself and pushed in the tape that was sticking out of the tape deck, already in the middle of a song. _I'm on my way._ She found herself bobbing her head to the music, turning the corner and shifting into higher gear down the street. 

* * *

 

_"And I guess that's why they call it the blues,_  
_Time on my hands could be time spent with you._  
 _Laughing like children, living like lovers,_  
 _Rolling like thunder under the covers._  
 _And I guess that's why they call it the blues..."_

"I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues", Elton John, _Too Low For Zero_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want the lyrics to be part of the word count, but it's more of an outro song, so here we are. I guess our friends didn't realize that not keeping touch with a new suicidal, lonely friend was probably not the best idea. We'll discover those consequences next chapter!


	13. Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _There's no swimming in the bottle,_   
>  _It's just someplace we all drown._   
>  _Now I've lost myself in sorrow,_   
>  _Lost my confidence in doubt._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> "Mrs. Rita", Gin Blossoms, _New Miserable Experience_

Colette pulled into the roundabout of the Meltokio Heights parking lot, driving to the back of the lot and parking far from the other spots. As soon as she got out, she hugged her arms against the brisk, spring breeze. _I didn't realize it was this cool,_ she thought once again, clutching her phone in one hand. _And so quiet and dark._ As she walked around the building, she noticed that the side roadway sloped into a small parking garage underneath the complex. _Do apartments normally have parking garages?_ She stared up at the sky, the half moon winking at her behind a wisp of cloud, before it ducked behind the enormous building. _Wish me luck, Martel._

She bounced up the stairs and into the small front entrance again, instinctively reaching for the door. The handle didn't budge. _Oh that's right, I need to be buzzed in._ She pressed her hand to her lips, scanning the doorbell list. _I_ _t was Z. Wilder...there it is. Seven-oh-five._ Her elbows were tight against her sides, shivering as she hesitated pressing the doorbell. _Oh Martel, what if something's happened to him? What if he...tried to...to..._

The door opened behind her, and she barely stifled a yelp. The man walking up the stairs was nearly double her height and mass, flowing bluish hair and strong jaw cementing his presence. He was in a full suit and carrying a briefcase at his side. Crow's feet lined around his eyes, and despite his intimidating presence, he smiled down at the nearly trembling Colette. "Good evening," he greeted, his voice mellow and deep.

"H-hi there," she said, nodding and trying to redirect her attention back to the doorbell list. _It's okay, Colette,_ she tried to assure herself, _he's probably just a tenant. Coming back late from the office...after 9:30?_

"Are you looking for someone?" he asked, already at the front door with a ring of keys.

"Um, yeah," she replied. Glancing back up to him, his look was still warm and kind. "I'm visiting a friend here. Z-Zelos Wilder."

"Ah, the Wilder boy," he said, a husky quality entering his voice, revealing age. "He doesn't get visitors that often, not since he first moved in. Were you one of the folks who visited last week?"

 _How does he know this...?_ "Yeah, I came by with my roommate."

"My fiancée mentioned it the other day." The man unlocked the door and held it open. "Here, I'll let you up. He could probably use some company."

"Oh! Thank you!" Her nerves bounced her through the door as the man followed behind her. _Wait, his fiancée? Is he..._

He nodded to her. "You have a good night, now," he said, making his way around the desk and elevator, down a side hallway.

"You too!" Colette squeaked. She found herself glued to her spot until she heard the sound of the door shut down the hall. _So that was...Regal Bryant? It had to have been, who else would have known?_ She slowly stepped to the elevator and hit the up button. _I didn't realize he was so...tall._

The elevator arrived immediately, and she stepped in and stared up at the ceiling, bouncing on her toes. She felt lightheaded, and her palms were clammy, fussing with the ends of her sweatshirt. _Who knows, maybe he's perfectly fine. Maybe he went out to that club again, and he couldn't hear his phone._ She squeezed her eyes shut. _Is it weird that I'm this worried? Oh now I'm worrying about being worried. Lloyd tells me not to do that..._

The gentle ding signaled the 7th floor, and doors opened up to the hallway. She took a deep breath and stepped out, looking both ways as if she were crossing a street. _Which end was it on? I think this side._ She strode to the end of the hallway, and to her surprise, the door labeled "705" was open just a crack.  _What?_ She hesitated, then raised her hand to knock her knuckles against the door, when a voice warbled from the other side. 

"Lloyd? Sss'at you?" It was heavily slurred, but definitely familiar. "Comin' t'sssave my shhorry ass again...?"

"Zelos?" she said timidly, pushing the door open just a little more. Her stomach twisted, and a thought

_(maybe I shouldn't have come here)_

flickered across her mind, and vanished.

"Ohh, that's Colette, ain't it?" He laughed and hiccuped, a slow drawl creeping in his voice. "C'mon--c'mon in, baby. I was ex--ssspectin'...'spectin' ssshhomeone like you."

She entered the room and shut the door behind her, hands pressed against it. "Oh Goddess," she whispered, eyes widening to the sight in front of her. "Zelos...!"

He was sprawled on the couch, wearing a loose, pink t-shirt and boxer briefs, hair spilling over the armrest and his shoulders like dark flames. His expression was vacant and lazy, and in his arm hanging over the edge of the couch, was a liter and a half bottle of Southern Comfort with the cap off. It was almost half empty. _He's drunk. Really drunk._ The thought repeated in increasing desperation as her heart rate increased. _Where do I even start?_

Zelos' head lolled on his shoulder and he waved his free hand toward her. "C'mere, angel," he said, blinking hard. "Sshhit, that was--was you that called, yeah?"

"Yeah." It came out strangled, and her feet moved her to the side of the couch. _I don't like this, I don't like this at all...!_

He stared hard at her for a second, then frowned. "Y-you're ssschared, huh?" He swallowed, shaking his head. "Scared." He tried to sit up, but kept sliding back, the bottle sloshing in his other hand. "Damn it." His face twisted and he took another gulp from it.

"That--that's enough," Colette said, as firmly as she could, walking around and taking the bottle from his hand. He gave not resistance, and she set it behind her, kneeling at his side. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw all of the gaming gear the three had out before was still on the floor by the TV. "Are you...are you okay?" she asked quietly.

"Do I fffuckin' look okay?" he slurred, his teeth forming a frown. He reached out to her and stroked her hair clumsily, and she stiffened. "Eeeasy, honey. I-I ain't...I ain't gonna hurt 'cha. I ain't gonna hurt cha. Ssstop...stop lookin' at me like that."

Colette stared at the floor, paralyzed in her position. _He has those same eyes that he did when I first picked him up at Sheena's. Lonely and tired. He isn't jumping off a bridge this time, but...this is something...too similar._ She sighed and inhaled the strong scent of bourbon whiskey, and it wrinkled her nose. _Did he have that whole bottle tonight...?_

"I thought--you guys were gonna leave me," he said, his voice desperately trying to sound clear. "Everyone...eeeeveryone leaves me behind."

She looked up at Zelos, who had managed to straighten himself on the couch, holding his head with one hand and dropping the other from her head to rest in his lap. "That's not it," she said. "We didn't forget about you."

"Ssshure seemed like it," he said coldly, then shook his head. "Ah, shhhit. I'm fuckin' drunk. I feel fuckin' terrible. Dunno why I keep doin' this sshhhit. I'm so--so fuckin'...fuckin' tired."

Colette went to rub her hand on his knee for comfort, but her hands were now completely sweaty. She quickly wiped them on her jeans before returning to him. "It's...it's okay. I'm here now."

He smirked at her. "Sshhure." He paused. "You're a pretty girl. I...I wanna--wanna kiss you. Don't seem like--like a good idea."

She had no reply to that, but she just giggled nervously, her other hand balled in a fist. _It's the alcohol talking..._

"Where's--" He hiccuped and winced. "Where's Lloyd, aaanyway? Guy fuckin'...sssaved my life. Where is he?"

"He's at home, asleep," she replied, the first easy reply to come from her lips since she arrived. "I wanted him to come with me, but I didn't want to wake him up."

"Ah."

Zelos' eyes seemed to roll in and out of focus, and she withdrew her hand from him. "I'm going to get you some water," she stated.

"Mmm. Get rid--rid of that bottle too. Shhhouldn't...shouldn't have 'nymore." He flopped back onto the couch, face down and groaned.

She stepped into the kitchen and began opening each of the cupboards. The first one was almost bare, with a few boxes of macaroni and cheese and dry pasta. The next had a lone bottle of wine, covered in dust. _This place is worse stocked than our apartment, even on a bad day,_ she thought, opening the next one. This was what she was looking for--a handful of tumblers sat on the bottom shelf, beside a couple mugs and a stack of plates. She pulled one out and filled it at the sink, which had a small mound of dirty dishes sitting in it. She returned to the living room, cupping the glass in both hands. "Do you need help...?" she asked.

He groaned in reply, and she sat the glass down and slowly righted him by the shoulders. He weaved, but she held him steady. "Here. Hold it with both hands," she instructed. He took it and took a long, slow drink. Bringing it down, he came dangerously close to spilling it all over his crotch, but she held his hands steady. "Okay. It's a start," she said, taking a deep breath. Her shoulders ached from how tense they had been before--only now did she notice it.

"I really thought...I wasn't gonna see you guys again," he said quietly, staring at the floor. "It's been so long sssince I've...hung out with people."

"You...could have called us too," Colette said carefully. As soon as the words left her mouth, her heart jumped, regretting their departure. "I mean, we gave you our numbers too, but, ah...w-we're both in school still, and...ah..."

She trailed off, and with no reply from Zelos, she began to panic. "Um, I mean...I-I was really worried about you," she stammered. "I was hoping, hoping that...that you didn't...didn't try and...and..." He didn't finish for her, forcing her to push out her words. "That...that you didn't try and kill yourself again!"

He finally looked up to her, eyes swimming. "You're a sssweetheart," he said. He took a look at his water glass before taking another drink. "Both 'a you. Ugh." Zelos held his head, hair falling all over his shoulders and across his face. "My head..."

"Why don't you get some sleep?" Colette suggested, smiling weakly. "I can help you up..."

"I'm--I'm gonna need it," he groaned. He attempted to get up, but wobbled on his feet, barely keeping upright. Colette was up and caught him by the waist, steadying him, and then put his arm around her shoulder and kept one around his middle.

"Okay, one step at a time." She moved slowly through the living room, then the kitchen, and down the hall. "Which room is your bedroom?"

"Ss'at one," he mumbled, pointing to the first door. Colette already had an idea of where it would be, judging by her last visit, but allowed him to drunkenly guide her to the half open door beside the bathroom. Compared to the other rooms, it felt quite small, but was probably due to all of the clothes and knick-knacks scattered along the floor. _This is the first room that actually looks like it_ belongs _to him_ , she thought, shuffling through the mess. The walls were painted a deep blue, and the desk and dresser were covered with notebooks, pictures, trash and wrappers. She could barely see the computer hiding under all of the clutter, the only indication of it being there was the standby light of the monitor. Even the bedside was littered with chip bags and discarded underwear. _It's a mess, but none the less._

She dragged him over to the bed and sat him down on a bare corner of the bed, readjusting the sheet from its crumpled state. Zelos managed to swing his legs over and curl up into the bed, holding his head. "'Mmm gonna feel like shhit tomorrow. E'erry time I do this, I feel like fffuckin' garbage." He was met with a weak smile from Colette, and he sighed. "Ssorry the place is a mess. Sssorry I'm sssuch a fuck up."

"You apologize more than I do," she said. "I used to do it a lot when I was a teenager. I'd say sorry for everything." She put a finger to her lips. "I probably still do it sometimes..."

"But you--you ain't got nothin' t'apologize for," he slurred, a half eye on her.

She nodded. "That's what Lloyd always said to me." She draped the covers over him. "Just...we meant what we said. We really are here for you."

He rolled on his back, looking up at her, and began to chuckle. "Thanks, angel." He reached out to her, pointing a finger and making little gestures around her shoulders. "You--really are one. Both a' you. I can see 'em..."

Colette pushed his hand down onto the bed. "Why don't you get some rest?" she suggested. "It might be best, in your state..."

"Promisshe me somethin'," he said, swallowing and struggling to steady his words. "Will you stay here? Least for a li'l while. 'Til I go to sleep?"

"Sure thing," she affirmed. _I wouldn't want to leave him like this anyway._

"Mmmkay." He yawned loudly, and rolled over so he was face down on the bed. "There's the...computer on the desk, you can do whatever on it...watch TV, anything y'want..."

"Okay, thank you," she said, standing up from the edge of the bed. She gingerly tiptoed through the mess of the floor to the computer desk, and brushed the crumbs off the chair to sit down. She searched under the table for the tower to turn on the computer, but her eye caught a series of envelopes scattered beside the keyboard. They were thick, and brandished with "1 HR PHOTO" on the front, along with a series of advertisements for film development. Peering into the thin paper envelopes revealed a wad of photographs on glossy paper, along with some small negatives nestled at the bottom. "What are these pictures from?" she asked.

There was no immediate reply. Colette turned back to the bed, where Zelos was already snoring gently, a string of drool hanging out of his mouth. _I should have expected as much. Oh well, just a peek won't hurt._ She took the pictures out by the edges and began to thumb through them.

The first picture was of Zelos himself, grinning wide at the camera in front of some flowering trees. His hair was a little shorter, but still almost down to his shoulders, still the brilliant red she could see out of the corner of her eye. A city scape was in the very background, but more immediately was a sign on a brick building that read "--IO HIGH SCHOOL". _He looks so young,_ she thought, running her eyes over his form in the photograph. She was drawn to his freckled cheeks, a little browner in this picture than in the real version behind her, and his bony figure. _And so thin._ _But he looks...genuinely happy._ She continued to flip through.

There were pictures of hallways, classrooms, and of people she did not recognize, all smiling for the camera. _He must have taken most of these pictures. Even the ones of him alone seem to be taken by him._ Most of the pictures of other people were of girls, some laughing, some looking a little annoyed. There were a few with Zelos and one particular girl, even one with him kissing her cheek. Midway through the stack, however, the scenery changed to shots of a pool. One of the first was a picture of Zelos in a speedo, his arms around two other guys in swimsuits a little less revealing. Her eyes widened, trying to keep her attention off his crotch. _You can almost see his ribs in this picture._ _He still looks...er, handsome..._ Her face grew hot. _What else is there in here..._

There were more pool shots, of other people swimming, and of candids around the deck. A boy kept resurfacing through all the shots, and the more pictures of him there were, the happier the boy looked. _He looks almost like Lloyd,_ she mused, _or maybe it's just the spik_ _ey brown hair._ A few pictures in, there was one of the boy and Zelos together, arms around each other, and another of them kissing. _They must have been dating. I didn't know Zelos had a boyfriend..._

The stack looped around, and Colette found herself immediately grabbing for the next one in the pile. It seemed to pick up where the other one left off. Pictures of Zelos' supposed boyfriend dwindled, and soon was replaced by another girl with a short haircut. There was one curious shot of Zelos, clearly taken by someone else, with a pensive look in a classroom, looking out the window, his hair beyond his shoulders. Various girls showed up in this stack, but had no steady presence. _Seems like he had a lot of friends in high school, or at least a lot of people around him._ She looked around the keyboard. _There's one more en_ _velope._

She flipped it open, and was greeted with a shot of Zelos and yet another girl, this time with long green hair. They were hugging. The next picture was of a different girl with glasses and deep blue eyes, both of them giving a peace sign at the camera. The next was all three of them together, arm in arm. There were a few more shots of the girls without Zelos, but they were almost always doing something separate from each other, as if they were ignoring the other person. There were a couple shots of flowers and trees in between, and then a picture of Zelos in a black graduation gown. He was giving the camera a smile, but it was one that she found more familiar--more of a mask than what could come naturally. There was also a shot of him in the gown beside a young woman with short red hair and a tan beret, wearing a fitted blouse and pencil skirt. She was smiling weakly. _Ah, I think Zelos mentioned having a sister. That must be her, they have the same hair, the same pale skin. There are no other pictures of her in any of these folders._ She swapped to the next picture, which was in front of a gold statue of the summon spirit Origin, huge and menacing with a large, muscular chest and four arms, commanding the elements of water, fire, earth, and wind in his hands. Zelos was giving a sly look to the camera. _That has to be Meltokio U, with that Origin statue. It's enormous, you can't forget it._

The next picture was blank.

As was the next, and the next five or so left in the sleeve, just a plain white gloss. _Did he stop taking pictures? Did the film go bad? No, film can't go bad that quickly...if that's from when he first went to school, it can't have been that long._ She thumbed around the desk, looking for other clues, but mostly just turned up garbage and pencils. Amidst the clutter, there was another disposable camera, the dial on the top reading "18", but it was covered in dust. _I wonder why he stopped._

She neatly stacked the folders together and slid out from the desk chair, returning to the sleeping Zelos. _He's sound asleep._ The urge to run her fingers through his long, red locks was nearly overwhelming, but she held herself back, folding her hands together and exiting the room. She shut the light off as she left, but kept the door open, so a faint glow from the living room still shined through.

Making her way back to the hallway and into the kitchen, she glanced at the microwave clock, sitting on a table beside the refrigerator. "11:30 already?" she exclaimed aloud, covering her mouth as the words left it. _I didn't realize it had gotten so late...!_ The silence of the apartment, and the world outside, settled around her, and she felt suddenly claustrophobic. _It's really quiet...and I don't want to drive home this late. Maybe I'll just sleep on the couch._ She checked her phone, which displayed the neutral setting of the clock. _No message from Lloyd either. He'll probably sleep through the night and won't know I've left until morning._ She bit her lip, circling around the couch. _It's certainly big enough, I don't think I'll even be cramped. I can use my sweatshirt as a blanket, and I can just wake up early to get my school stuff from the house._ She nodded to herself, reassuring herself. _Sounds good enough. I usually wake up before my alarm anyway._

Colette retraced her steps to turn off lights in the kitchen and the living room, and flipped her phone open for light to make her way back to the couch. She tripped over a discarded game controller cord, nearly sending her flying face first into the carpet, but barely managed to catch herself on the edge of the couch. "Whew." She plopped on the couch, curling up with her phone in hand. The home screen picture was one of Noishe, panting and wagging his tail. _At least Zelos isn't dead. Drunk, and he'll have an awful hangover tomorrow, but alive._

_That's what's important._

_("I can see 'em...")_

She smiled to herself, watching the phone screen fade to black, before shutting her eyes and attempting to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been waiting to write this chapter. Poor Zelos, I promise this is the last chapter that focuses on his suffering--things are looking up for him. Tried to paint a picture of his life before he got so lonely. Also, a Regal appears! I don't know how often he'll show up, so I'm hesitant to tag him in the piece. Also, this accompanying music track might seem a little upbeat for the material, but I'll stick by it because the chorus lyrics apply too: _"Is she coming 'round for me once again?/Around, or was that just the end?/I just hope she's coming 'round again."_ Of course, an alternative is "Cover Me", from Candlebox's self-titled album. Next chapter: the morning after!


	14. Morning After

_Ugh..._

Morning light filtered through the drawn curtains as Zelos sat up in bed, hair wild around his shoulders. Splitting pain shot through the front of his head and blurred his vision, and he squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for it to subside. _Fuck, it's always like this--never enough alcohol to kill me, but enough to regret being alive the next morning. This hangover should tide me over for a good few months._ He opened one eye to the daylight in his room, revealing the mess that still lingered. _I'm not getting anymore sleep, that's for sure._

He slid out of bed, the vertigo hitting him like a freight train as he stood on his feet, and he moaned and wobbled to keep balanced. "Shit," he cursed, taking measured, slow steps to the door, holding his head with one hand through his hair. Zelos edged his way to the bathroom, gripping the sink and fumbling around the medicine cabinet to pull out a bottle of migraine pills. With some struggle on the lid, he shook out two and swallowed them dry without hesitation. He bit his tongue to offset the burning down his throat. His eyes met the reflection in the mirror--sunken eyes, frizzy hair, slumped shoulders and paler than death. _Lookin' good,_ he thought sarcastically, rubbing his eyes. _No wonder you can't pick up anyone at bars anymore. They'd have_ this _to look forward to. Damn it._ He sighed and scratched his rear. His headache seemed to be subsiding, but he couldn't tell whether it was just his imagination or not. _Now time to figure out the damage. Besides to my liver._

He shuffled to the kitchen, staring at the floor as he headed to the corner with the coffee maker. It was perhaps the only modest looking appliance in the kitchen--small, black, and simple. He picked up the kettle and briefly rinsed the ground out of the bottom before filling it with water. _Let's see...I was looking through some old pictures. Bad idea._ A can of ground coffee sat beside the machine, and he clumsily scooped two rounded spoonfuls of grounds into the top filter. _Then I went out, bought the bourbon._ His eye caught a shot glass that was sitting beside the sink. _Had a few shots, then started drinking straight from the bottle. Classy._ He snapped the machine on and steadied himself with both hands on the counter. _Then the phone rang..._

_It was Colette._

Zelos smirked at the coffee maker, an image of her face surfacing to his mind. _Surprised it wasn't Lloyd. I think I kept drinking...did she come over? Did I talk to her? Or did I just hallucinate that?_ He sighed. _Probably, wishful thinking._

_"Beep, beep, beep."_

He started at the noise, the adrenaline shooting all the way through his hands and pricking them like needles. _What the fuck?_ He eyed the coffee maker. _No, that's not it. Did someone set off the Goddess damn fire alarm this early?_ He spun around to the living room. _Oh..._

A blonde head had popped up just over the back of the couch, the owner's arms stretching high toward the ceiling. It turned profile, revealing the bright eyes and small, upturned nose of Colette. _So she did come over,_ he thought, unable to take his eyes off her, _and stayed the night._ She rubbed her eyes, and after a moment of looking at her beeping phone, she yelped. "Oh, crap!" She bounced up from the couch and made a tight turn, her socks sliding on the hardwood floor.

"Morning, princess," Zelos greeted, watching as she barely kept her balance and made a run through the kitchen.

"Good morning!" Her voice was perky as she skidded to a halt, even as she toppled into the refrigerator.

"Whoa, take it easy--!" he said, his voice crunchy from disuse. His head pounded from her erratic movement.

"Sorry, I'm just gonna be late--can I use your shower?" she asked, already whirling into the bathroom.

"Sure," he replied as the door slammed. As silence reigned again, he stared back at the coffee maker, which had just begun to percolate. _Ah, now I remember. She took the bottle from me. I think I scared her. Hell, it's been a while since I've been so drunk that I can barely remember anything._ He turned and started walking toward the bathroom, heart rising in his chest. _Shit. I_ know _I would've downed that whole bottle. I was fuckin' miserable again. All that at once would definitely been enough to_

_kill me._

_Ah._

The shower was already running when he got there, and he rapped his knuckles on the door. "Are you decent?" he asked, leaning his head on the door. 

He heard the raking of the curtain. "Um, yeah. You can come in, I guess."

Humid air from the hot water hit him immediately as he opened the door. He quietly closed it behind him and leaned back on it. The shower was erupting steam, and he could barely see the top of Colette's head over the curtain. He resisted the urge to peek further, although he was tempted. "I didn't think you'd stay the night," he said.

"Well, it was getting late, and I thought it'd be better to stick around," she replied. He watched her hands foam with soap on her scalp. "I thought I'd wake up earlier though..."

Silence settled around them. Zelos hesitated before he spoke again. "Ah...do you mind reminding me what happened last night?" he asked, attempting to play off the question as smoothly as possible.

"You don't remember?"

"All I really remember is being really drunk. I don't remember much from when you got here." He shook his head. "Martel..."

"Nothing special. We talked a little bit, and then I helped get you to bed," she said, rinsing her hair. "That's about it."

_Really?_ "I didn't do anything...sleezy, did I?"

"Wh-what do you mean?" Her voice was laced with laughter, much to his surprise.

"Y'know, I didn't grope you, or try and get you to sleep with me?"

She laughed outright. "Oh Goddess, no! No, not at all!"

Relief swept through him. _Thank Martel. Granted, I normally wouldn't care too much, but..._ "I wouldn't put it past me." _She's almost_ too _pure. Plus, Lloyd would_ _'ve probably beat the shit out of me, and I can't take a guy who part-time cuts wood for a living._ He reconsidered this. _Well, I_ could, _but_ _not quite like that..._ He bit his lip.

_Wonder how he is, anyway._

The faucet creaked shut, and the cascading sound of water slowed to a drip. "I'm just glad I came when I did. You almost drank that whole huge bottle!"

The comment shook his thoughts, and brought another pound to his head. "I can feel it, trust me."

Her voice grew tentative. "Um...I need to get out now."

"Damn," he said, a familiar smoothness creeping back into his voice. "Not even a peek?"

"Zelos!" Colette stood on her toes, a comically angry frown on her face.

He snorted and waved his hand at her. "All right, I'm gone." He made his way outside, making sure the shutting door was audible. He stood by, however. _She came to visit my sorry ass even when I was hammered out of my mind. I'm so desperate for friendship, yet I couldn't even answer the phone when she called._

_("We're here for you. You can reach out to us.")_

_That's what she said last night, wasn't it? Something like it..._

The door burst open, and Colette ran straight into his chest. "Oh! Sorry!" she yelped, her damp hair flinging water droplets everywhere. She scooted around him, straightening her shirt and hiking up her jeans as she went.

"Hey, Colette..." he started, watching her spin around, looking for her things.

"Yeah?" she answered, but quickly took it back. "I'm sorry, but I really can't stay right now. I've got to get back to the apartment, get my school stuff, and get to class on time." Her eyes kept switching from him to the door, paralyzed in place. "I'll--I'll call you when I'm done, I promise! We can meet up with Lloyd too and all go out together!"

_Lloyd too._ "Okay." He felt like he was in slow motion compared to Colette. "But really, I--"

"I'm really sorry!" Her hand was already on the door handle. "I gotta go. Bye, Zelos! I hope you feel better!"

She slammed the door, leaving him with the soft sound of dripping coffee in the background. _Bye._

At the very least, the medication he took earlier was actually having an effect now, making thinking an easier task as he trudged back to the kitchen. _So that makes it twice that I've tried to off myself, and twice that these two have stopped me,_ he thought, taking the last clean mug down from the cupboard. _Is this some kind of sign? All growing up, people just told me to pray to Martel, and she'd take care of it, but for the last few years, no goddess has come to my aid._

_Hell, maybe it is a sign, though. I should...hang on to these guys._

He poured himself a cup of coffee and took a small sip, scorching his lips. _I've been alone for so long, ever since after high school. Funny how after you're forced in a setting where you see people five days a week, you get close. But then when that's over, it all kind of drifts away._ He stared out into space, Colette and Lloyd's faces rummaging to the surface of his mind. _This is something different. I mean, who saves a stranger like that?_

_I haven't even thanked them for it._

He took another drawl of coffee, then set down the mug. _Their apartment was right by TU, right?_ He yanked off the t-shirt with both arms and briskly walked down the hall. _I guess now's as good as ever. I've got nothing better to do, and it's not like I'm going to get anymore sleep with all this caffeine._ He tossed the shirt on the floor and grabbed his white headband, hanging on his bedpost. 

_It's about time I went out for someone for a change._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote most of this chapter at my work over the last couple days. I feel like I kinda winged it with my characterization this chapter--all the characters I write always end up being a little softer around the edges than they are in canon, I feel anyway. Hm...I think that's all I've got for this chapter's meta. Next time: a morning walk! (And possibly the end of this first act)


	15. Looking Up

The sun had already risen significantly by the time Zelos headed out the door, but even still, the air was still clinging onto the chill from the previous night. _Too cold to take the bike,_ he thought, hands in his salmon colored, zip-up sweatshirt pockets. _Might as well take the car. It's been a while since I've gone for a decent drive._ _  
_

Keys jingling in his hands, he made his way down to the parking garage, where each of the spaces were spray painted with apartment numbers. Two were designated for 705, both occupied, but he opted for the red Mustang in the corner spot, featuring a custom license plate with only the letter "Z". He clicked the remote to unlock the door, lights flashing, but when he reached for the handle, his hand came back  in dust. _It's been this long? Shit._ He climbed in and settled into the black leather seats--thankfully, the inside was not dusty, and only littered with a few empty fast food bags. _I was worse off than I thought._ He twisted the keys in the ignition, which caught immediately, and the dashboard lit up with symbols. He shifted it into reverse, one hand on the passenger seat as he craned his neck to look behind him. Smoothly turning the wheel with one hand-- _Driving's something you never really forget, huh?,_ he thought--he pulled out of the garage, engine revving as he pealed out.

Zelos felt himself ease into the seat, only a finger controlling the wheel as he fumbled through the radio stations with the other hand. _Talk radio, talk radio, Martel, that's all that's on in the morning, isn't it?_ He finally settled on the first channel that played music, currently featuring a strained voice and messy guitars. _Tethe'alla college radio is better than nothing._ The scenery buzzed past him as he turned the corner into heavier traffic.

_Morning rush. Doesn't this take me back._

As he slowed into the throng of traffic (the sign above him read "Tethe'alla Bridge next 2 miles"), he fondled the charm hanging on the rear view mirror. It was a gold shield in a diamond shape with a red jewel in the center, shimmering in the morning sun. _Was it Dad or Miss Perfect that gave me this? It was at the same time I got the car, my sixteenth birthday, so it must have been Seles, before--_

_("Fuck you, Zelos! How can you be so damn lazy? Don't you want to do anything with your life?")_

He jerked his hand back as if he had touched a hot stove. _Yeah, before_ that. _Still a pretty little thing. Supposed to be a family crest or something._ Traffic stirred in front of him and he eased on the gas. _Hell if I remember._

He approached the traffic light just as it turned yellow and gunned through it, almost missing the corner he was supposed to take. Adrenaline snaked through him, veining through his arms and legs, feeling needles in his hands and feet. _This is why I used to drive so much,_ he thought, biting back glee rising in his throat. He shifted down gear and revved the engine, vibrating his seat. _The rush. It made me feel alive--_

The Tehte'alla bridge loomed in front of him.

He gripped the wheel tight as his tires went over the threshold, separating solid ground from supported concrete and the lapping water below. _Fuck. I've been avoiding this place for a reason. I should have picked a different route..._

The bridge arched above him, steel beams crisscrossing under the blinding blue sky. Every measured bump on the bridge connecting the road together Zelos could feel in his chest. The needle on the speedometer crept higher and higher--he didn't realize it until the engine whined for a higher gear. _I was going to jump. I was going to do it. I almost did._

_(for good reason, you big fuck-up)_

_I don't need this, I don't want to think about this--_

_(you're alone, you don't have any friends, your family abandoned you--)_

He ran a hand through his hair, just beyond his headband, and gripped it, tugging until he felt pain in his skull. _Martel, I'm going to see two people right now! They said I was their friend, they both saved my life. Isn't that good for something? Isn't it good for anything?_

_Is any of this good for anything? Why am I even here?_

His palms were drenched in sweat as he finished crossing the bridge, and the road seemed to be blurring in front of him. His body felt tight and strained, and he found it difficult to keep his arm holding the wheel steady. _Where was their place? It was soon after the bridge, right? One of those side streets by TU campus...it's practically on campus. Will they even be home?_

_Lloyd._

_Colette.  
_

Zelos' breathing picked up, and he bit the inside of his cheek. _What if they aren't there? What if they don't want to see me?_

_(no one wants to see you)_

_No matter how charming or charismatic I try to be, no one wants to stay. Why do they care? A-ah..._

Even the radio seemed to mock him. _"How'd you like to be alone and drowning?"_ it chanted. _"How'd you like_ _to be alone and drowning?_

_"How'd you like to be alone and drowning?_

_"How'd you like to be alone and drowning?"_

"Shut _up!"_ he barked suddenly, and jammed a finger at the volume button. The radio went silent. He slowed to a halt and pulled over on the side of the road and cut the engine, leaving him alone with his own panting. His eyes lowered and he let his head fall down against the steering wheel. _Take it easy. Take it easy._ Slowly, his head rose to his surroundings, and sounds began to refocus. Birds chirping. A car drove past. Wind rustling in the trees. As he blearily looked around, he spotted a modest apartment house with stairs going up to the second floor from the outside. _That's it._ Relief blew through him, and he fumbled to open the door. _Even through a fucking mental break, I still made it._

He slammed the car door and locked it with the key remote, half jogging across the street to the apartment. Up the stairs, one flight, then the second. He was nearly winded by the time he reached the top, and he immediately knocked on the door. 

No answer. _Wrong apartment?_ He glanced down at the small mailbox bolted to the shingles, which had "#4 IRVING/BRUNELL" scrawled on a piece of masking tape. _Yeah, that's Lloyd's last name at least._

He knocked again. 

Still, nothing. 

"Lloyd?" Zelos called, still knocking. "Lloyd, are you there? It's...it's Zelos." There was still no answer. _Damn it._ He jiggled the handle, which was loose, but locked none the less. Zelos felt the same surge of unease pulse through him again as he turned his back to the door and leaned against it. _What now?_

_("...I've got to get back to the apartment, get my school stuff, and get to class on time.")_

Zelos could see some of the taller buildings of Tethe'alla U campus from where he stood. _If Colette's in class, Lloyd probably is too_ _._ He bounded down the stairs and jogged back across the street, past his parked car. _I can just walk over there and check. It didn't take that long when I went with him to that class he had._

The image of Lloyd glaring at him from the classroom flashed in his head. _I gave him a hard time then too, didn't I? And yet...he still wanted to hang out with me._

_(please don't leave)_

His jog turned into a full blown run, hair streaming past him, heart pounding in his ears. _I hadn't felt that good in a long time. I had almost forgotten what it felt like. It feels so easy to be around them._

_(please don't forget about me)_

He turned into the campus, picking up his pace even more, lungs gasping for air. His throat was burning and his legs protested, but he still pushed, fueled by caffeine, adrenaline, and the last traces of his hangover. _Don't forget about me. Please don't leave. Please be there. Lloyd. Colette._

_Make me happy again._

Zelos sprinted to the only building that registered familiarity, and managed to sneak in behind another student swiping their card in the door. Holding his breath, he took the stairs two at a time, and only when he reached the top did he stop to catch his breath. His head was swimming, vision blurring in his eyes, but he still forced himself to rush through the hallway, glancing in each window as he did. 

_Lloyd, where are you?_ he thought desperately. The first room was empty. Across the hall, the class was darkened with a movie playing, and he couldn't make out any faces. _C'mon, c'mon, please be here, please please please--_

The room in the middle of the hall caught his eye. _Oh, there's that hardass teacher. Arora or something. And--_

_Ah._

The unruly, spiked brown hair caught his attention, followed by his round, bright eyes and chiseled chin. The red plaid flannel he was wearing made him stand out in the sea of students, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, revealing his tanned arms. He was eased back in his chair, a glossy look on his face, even though he was facing the front. 

_Lloyd._

Zelos' heart stuttered.

Despite this, he still found it in him to give a single wave in the door frame, in an attempt to grab his attention. A girl sitting behind him caught it instead--the same girl whom he had unsuccessfully hit on, much to Zelos' horror--and made a disgusted face. He quickly shook his head and pointed more obviously at Lloyd. She tapped him on the shoulder and he looked up, making eye contact with him.

And Lloyd smiled. A huge, wide grin.

Zelos returned it with a two fingered salute from the top of his head and a smirk. He had garnered the attention of Professor Aurion, however, who side eyed the door with a glare of fire, and he scooted out of view right beside the classroom door. He leaned against the wall and wiped his palm down his face, dragging it over his mouth and leaving it there for a moment. _Martel, his smile could light Meltokio by itself. I'm fuckin' in for it._ His face felt hot under his hand, still a little clammy from the run. _Don't fuck this up, Zelos. Don't you da_ _re._

Down the hall, students were beginning to pile in front of the other classroom doors. _Looks like I came by just in time._ He adjusted his footing and brought his hands down to his sides, fingers drumming against the wall. Soon enough, the door beside him opened, and Aurion's class began filing out in a rush. Zelos noticed the girl he had flirted with last class came out first, stepping hard on his foot before speeding down the hall. He stifled a yelp by clenching his fists. _Really? Damn..._

The feeling subsided as Lloyd came out, last of the group, his backpack on one shoulder. "Zelos!" he exclaimed, his voice a cocktail of surprise and relief. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, just thought I'd drop by," he said, running a hand through his hair. He found it difficult to contain the smile curling on his lips.

"Colette left me a note saying she went to go see you last night," Lloyd said, studying Zelos' face. "Everything okay, man?"

_Of course she did._ "Ah..." He hesitated before answering, for once unable to concoct an excuse on the fly. Yet, the sensation did not come with the anxiety he was so familiar with. "Yeah. Everything's fine." He bit his lip. "Well, now they are. Really."

Lloyd raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. "All right, if you say so." He slipped his other arm into the strap of the backpack, saddling it fully on his back. "I was...kinda worried for a sec, actually."

"Of course you were." They began to walk down the hall together toward the stairs. "Y'know, Lloyd," Zelos started, letting the sentence bubble in his throat, like peroxide on a wound, before finishing. "I...I never thanked you for saving my life there on the bridge."

Lloyd's eyes widened, then he waved his hand. "Hey, no problem. It's nothing--"

"I'm serious," Zelos insisted, swallowing thick. He felt a chill run down him, suddenly needing something to do with his hands. "There aren't a lot of people who would do what you did for me." He felt pinpricks in the back of his throat, and blinked hard to force back tears. "You and Colette. Both of you."

They exited the building and Zelos put an arm around Lloyd's shoulder, holding the door open for both of him. He felt a little stiff under his arm, but didn't try to squirm away. "When does she get out, anyway?" Zelos asked, letting his hand slide down his back. "I really wanted to--"

"Lloyd! Zelos!"

"Speaking of," Lloyd remarked, gesturing ahead. Colette was running toward them, arms flailing about, hair swinging behind her.

Zelos couldn't help but giggle. "Is she always this cute?" he asked.

Lloyd had an easy, distant look on his face as he watched her come flying into view. "Yeah," he said, crossing his arms.

"Oh my Goddess! Guys!" she exclaimed, running face first into Lloyd. He opened his arms just in time, catching her in a quick embrace, but she quickly turned to Zelos. "Zelos!" She was nearly breathless. "I'm so glad to see you! I was going to run over here so Lloyd and I could--"

"Easy, sweetie," Zelos laughed, rustling her hair. "I'm already here. That's one step out of the way, yeah?"

She beamed. "Yeah! I'm really happy you're okay. I'm sorry I was in such a rush earlier!"

"Don't worry." Zelos felt himself soaking in her brightness like the sun. "Thank you for coming to see me last night, Colette. You really...made a difference."

"What? Oh, of course!" she replied, flushing pink and waving her hands. "You don't have to--"

"Wow, both of you are the same way. 'Oh, it's no big deal!'" He shook his head and scratched behind his neck. "Trust me, if it weren't for you, I'd either be in the hospital with a stomach pump, or dead at the bottom of the river. So, no more of that, got it?"

"What do you mean, in the hospital?" Lloyd yelped. "What the hell happened last night? You said you were fine!"

"I'll tell you about it later," he assured, and he spread his arms out wide. "Now, c'mere. Both of you."

He stepped forward and grabbed both of them into a group hug, squeezing Lloyd and Colette tight against his chest. He felt their warmth against him and squeezed his eyes shut tight. "Thank you, guys," he muttered. _First real friends I've had in ages. Maybe things will start looking up from here._

When he let them go, Lloyd and Colette were loosely holding hands, but both were giving him a soft, sunny look. "So, what do you think?" Zelos asked, looking between them. "Wanna grab something to eat? I parked my car at your place."

Colette nodded. "Yeah, sure! Let's go!"

Lloyd chuckled, glancing at her warmly. "Yeah." He looked back at Zelos, then made a hand gesture forward, beckoning him along.

Zelos went to Lloyd's side and laced his fingers behind his head, staring up into the sun.

_Yeah. Things are looking up._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That took a lot longer to write than I expected! I totally said that I wasn't going to have Zelos suffer anymore, but I put him through quite a rollercoaster this chapter. He still has a bit of an abandonment complex. The song that's playing on the radio is "Narcolepsy" by Third Eye Blind, and the feel of the song fits the flow of the chapter (not necessarily all the lyrics, though, which is why I didn't put it at the top--you can still listen to it while you read though!). 
> 
> This concludes the first arc of this story--the next few chapters are going to be more episodic and playing more with the gang getting to know each other and be close to each other. They'll be fun, I promise! I'm off to edit some of the previous chapters to fix a few details. I believe we're starting off next chapter with a joy ride, so stay tuned!


	16. 4 AM

Colette blearily looked at the clock. _I hate waking up at 4 AM like this,_ she thought, her throat dry enough to make her cough. She threw the covers off her and swung her legs around off the bed, stumbling to her feet. _It just makes me more tired later on during the day. Oh, well..._

As she opened the door, the full extent of Lloyd's snores were audible from his bedroom. _I'd give anything to sleep like him. I don't think he'd wake up even if the house burned down._ She smiled to herself as she tiptoed down the hallway. _Ah well, I'll just--_

Walking into the living room, she bumped her shin right into the fold out bed, yelping and holding her breath as she hopped on one foot. _Shoot, shoot, shoot!_ _I forgot that we still have that out for Zelos..._ Looking down at it, she noticed that it was empty. _Huh? Where..._

"Zelos?" she whispered, peering around the living room. As there was no response, she continued into the kitchen, which was also empty. _Huh? I don't remember him leaving last night._ "Zelos..."

She heard a stutter of a door opening, and she noticed a faint glow coming from the bathroom. Zelos' nose peeked out from the opening. "Angel?" he asked hoarsely.

"Hey, what are you doing up?" she asked, pattering over. He only opened the door wide enough for her to see his eyes, hollow and red rimmed. 

"I could ask the same of you," he replied. She edged closer, but he drew back,  reluctant to open the door.  

"I-I got thirsty, I was just...getting some water," she said, then huffed. "Zelos, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, honey," he insisted. "J-just...get your water and I'll be right back in bed, promise."

 _Why is he hiding? Zelos, please don't do this..._ "Open the door, please," she asked, hands on the doorknob. "Unless you want me to wake Lloyd up."

He sighed heavily before finally letting the door creak open, revealing him in his underwear and a t-shirt, shoulders slumped. It was easier to see the puffiness around his nose and lips, the tear trails down his cheeks, and some red scratches at his thighs. "Nothin' to see here," he said, swallowing hard and not looking at her face. "Just...having a bad night, that's all."

"Zelos..." Colette sighed, trying to look at his face. _What happened? I wish he wouldn't hide things like this. We're friends now, he doesn't have to suffer like this by himself._ "Please tell me what's wrong."

"I just had a panic attack, that's all," Zelos snapped, gripping the sink and facing the mirror, but not looking at it. "I just freaked out, like usual, whatever, whatever, it doesn't matter."

"It _does_ matter," Colette insisted. "Did you...have another bad dream?"

"Yeah, that's where it started," he replied. "You're getting good at this, kitten."

She waited as his hands flexed at the sink, breathing through his teeth. _It hasn't been too long since we convinced him we were going to stay, and he's been at our house almost every night._ She bit her lip. _We can't really stay at his place since there's nowhere for us to sleep, and when things like this happen, I feel better if we're here._ "D-do you...want to talk about it?" she asked tentatively. 

"Not really," he replied, wincing. "N-no, that's not it. I-I'm afraid...I'm afraid of...of..." He pounded the sink with his fist, making Colette flinch. "I'm scared to talk about it."

"I'm...right here," she said, reaching out for his arm. She gently stroked his shoulder, and he shuddered at the touch. Slowly, he half turned his head to her, a weak smile on his face. "Y-you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but..." _I want to make you feel better. If you don't tell me, I can't help you..._

"Okay, okay." His speech was breathy, too fast, panicked for seemingly no reason. "I-I'll tell you, okay? A-ah..."

She walked over to the toilet, put the seat cover down, and sat on it, folding her hands in her lap. He barely acknowledged her, but he did stand up straight, looking into the mirror. He couldn't stare at it for long though, as his shoulders began to shudder and he covered his face. "Damn it, I'm a fucking mess..."

Zelos took several deep breaths, as Colette stayed silent, before he tried to speak again. "I dreamt that I jumped," he said, a hand over his mouth making his speech muffled. "Except I had to watch everything h-happen afterwards. I-I had to watch m-my o-o-own funeral...a-and you...and Lloyd were...were..."

 _Oh no, no..._ "Zelos..." He began to pace around the tiny bathroom as much as he could, tugging at his hair. 

"I-I hate f-feeling like this! I hate being so f-fucked up..." he whimpered, desperately trying to keep his voice down. He eventually made his way in front of Colette and fell down to his knees in front of her, head down toward the floor. "I-I'm s-scared...b-because I st-still don't h-have anything t-to...look forward to. When I think about th-the future, I-I don't...I don't..." He gasped. "I don't see _anything."_

Colette reached out to stroke the hair on top of his head, her other hand at her face. "Y-you're still here," she stammered, wracking her brain for more comfort, for something more to say to him. "I mean...y-you just have to take it one day at a time."

"Yeah, but--!" he exclaimed. "W-what if it's not g-good enough? Wh-what if--"

"What is?" she interrupted, toes tapping against the linolieum. "It's all you can do. Even I have to tell myself that."

He blinked and finally, finally looked up at her. He was crying again, a silent variety of tears. "Huh?"

"Well..." she said. "You know, I'm in the preliminary program for animal medicine at school, and sometimes it can be really intense. I'm, um, I don't think I'm that smart, but I study really hard, and that's how I get decent grades but I...worry that it's not going to be good enough to actually get into the main program and do what I want to do."

"B-but you _are_ smart," Zelos said, sniffling hard. "Hey, and at least you know what you want to do..."

She shrugged. "I guess so. I just want to work with animals in whatever way I can," she said. "But you're not alone. I don't think Lloyd knows what he wants to do with school either. I don't think he's even filled out next semester's class sign-ups yet..."

"But that's with _school,_ not about your _l-life,"_ he remarked.

"I--that's what I meant."

"Really."

They grew quiet, the only sound being the hum of the refrigerator motor turning on from the kitchen. _And just because I have a goal, doesn't mean I know what the future holds for me,_ she thought. _I don't really have time to think about it, with all that's going on. I have Lloyd around to help me stay grounded, and now I have Zelos too. That's what's really important, isn't it? The friends you keep?_

"Well, here's a sure thing," she said, a smile growing on her face. "We'll be here in the morning tomorrow."

Zelos chuckled. "That's right. You will be." His hands relaxed, and he ran a hand through his hair without tearing at it. He allowed himself to look up at her, a softness creeping in his clear blue eyes, red and tired as they were. "I'm sorry, angel. I've kept you up..."

"N-no, it's okay!" she replied. "I needed a drink of water anyway..." _Funny, even after all that talking, I'm not really thirsty anymore._ She held out her hand as she stood up from the toilet seat. "We should try to get at least a little more sleep, though." 

"Yeah." He took her hand and willed his lanky body off the ground, stumbling a little before he regained his balance. "What time do you have to be up in the morning?"

"I have class at 9," she said, holding his hand loosely as they walked out of the bathroom. "So I can maybe get like...three more hours of sleep? Four?"

"Oh honey," Zelos lamented, releasing her hand and patting her head. "I'm taking away your beauty rest."

"Maybe," Colette said, facing him fully at the foot of the fold out. "B-but...I hate seeing you upset like that..."

He stared at her for a moment, a mixed look on his face, before he smirked and sighed. "You're too good for me, Colette," he muttered, plopping down on the fold out. "Hell, both of you..."

 _What's that supposed to mean?_ "If you...ever have bad dreams, just come wake me up," Colette said, letting his comment slide. "I'd say you could ask Lloyd too, but it's hard getting him up..."

Zelos chuckled. "Heh, heavy sleeper, huh?" 

As if to prove their point, Lloyd's snoring interrupted itself with a loud snort before settling back into its normal rhythm. Colette covered her mouth to suppress a small giggle. "Sleep well, Zelos," she said.

"You too, angel." He gave her a small wave before fully lying down on the bed and rolling over, curling into a loose ball under the sheets.

Colette didn't leave him right away, waiting until his side showed the deep breathing of at least a doze before heading back into her room. From the window above the fold out, the very first signs of dawn were beginning to show, lightening the sky to a warmer shade of blue. _I hope I can get back to sleep,_ she thought as she opened the door to her room. _I don't have the luxury of sleeping in until whenever._

_But, I think I calmed him down a bit. And...I feel better too._

Much to her surprise, as her head hit the pillow, sleep came easy, washing over her eyes and leaving her to rest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was actually written months after what surrounds it (I had just finished 37 when I posted this), but I wanted some kind of bridge between when Zelos first trusts the gang before their little adventures. If you're a first time reader, just ignore this note and keep enjoying!


	17. Joy Ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These next few chapters have a more episodic feel to them, but are chronological.

Lloyd and Colette pulled into the back parking lot of the Meltokio Heights apartment complex, the former behind the wheel, driving into a spot toward the back. He twisted the wheel around to correct the tires to the front and hastily jammed the shifter into park. "What time is it?" he asked.

Colette cupped her hands around the very faded radio display, its orange glow outnumbered by the patchy sun in the sky. "We made it just in time. It's 2:32." She unbuckled her seat belt and glanced around outside. "I don't see him anywhere though..."

"I think that clock's fast," Lloyd commented, cranking down his window with the mechanical handle on his door. "Anytime I go some place in the truck, I'm always early."

"Well, that's good, since otherwise you're late a lot." She stuck out her tongue at him.

"Yeah, yeah." Lloyd rolled his eyes, then took a moment to look her over more carefully. "Hey, is that my jacket?" She was wearing a thick red sweatshirt that was loose around her waist and long in the arms. It was only zipped halfway, revealing a sheer blue top trimmed with lace.

She covered her face with her sleeve. "Yeah, sorry...!" She let her hand drop to reveal a grin. "Zelos said to bring something heavy, and none of my sweatshirts are very warm or don't fit, so..."

Lloyd was sporting a crooked smile, and he shook his head. "I was looking for that, but...it's okay." He was still in a t-shirt, but folded between them was a thick, mustard yellow jacket with a brown leather collar and leather cuffs. "My working jacket is all I've got aside from that."

Colette tilted her head. "Don't you think that's a bit _too_ heavy? The weather's getting warmer still..."

"I don't know, it's the only thing I have! I don't know what he had planned for today anyway but--" Lloyd stopped short, as Colette was covering her face again. Her cheekbones were rounded above her hands and her eyes kept flickering between him and out the window. "What? What is it--"

He felt a tap on his shoulder. Lloyd turned toward the driver's side window to see Zelos an inch away from him, leaning into the window with his hand on his chin. "Hey," he said with a lazy, half smile.

"Ack!" Lloyd yelped, jerking back, causing both Colette and Zelos to burst into a fit of laughter. He crossed his arms and glared at Zelos. "Don't jump me like that, man!" he said, pouting.

"I tried getting your attention," Zelos remarked innocently, twirling a lock of hair between his fingers. He was wearing a leather jacket with red stripes going down the sleeves, and dark skinny jeans that hugged his crotch. Despite his best efforts, Lloyd found himself making a valiant effort not to stare as he backed away. It was distracting. "Anyway, c'mon out. I've got something to show you."

Zelos already was jogging off as Lloyd and Colette hopped out of the truck, the frame rattling as they shut their respective doors at the same time. Colette bounced over to Lloyd, bumping into his side and staying close. She was grinning ear to ear. "You seem pretty cheerful," Lloyd commented.

"Yeah!" she chirped, watching Zelos disappear into the garage. "He's a lot happier now than when we first met him."

"You think so?"

"You can't tell? He just seems a lot more alive, less of that tired look in his eyes. He dresses nicer too." The sound of an engine rose from the garage, and Zelos came rolling back up on a sleek, red motorcycle. "Oh, my gosh! So this is your motorcycle!"

He pulled right up in front of them, a smug look on his face. "Told you, ladies love it." He straddled it between his legs, both feet flat on the concrete while he pulled his hair back into a ponytail. His jacket and shirt rode up as he did so, just enough to reveal his midriff. "Dudes do too, but usually not until I do something like this." He reached out and cranked back the throttle, revving the engine into a thunderous roar. Colette jumped and clung to Lloyd, and Zelos crowed with laughter.

"It is pretty awesome," Lloyd chuckled, putting his arm around Colette's waist as he bent over to examine the bike more closely. It gleamed in the sun, its red finish glistening with an iridescent sparkle. The chrome engine was fully revealed, pipes weaving around its underbelly, and the headlights were like narrowed cat's eyes, unlit and waiting.

"Thanks." Zelos began braiding his hair down with surprising speed, another elastic around his wrist. Colette tilted her head as she watched his fingers move through his hair. "I got it sometime after I dropped out of college, kinda out of the blue. Did a two day course for my license and bought this the day after I got the endorsement. I rode it almost every day for a month." He patted the side of the tank. "It _did_ get me laid more than a few times--"

"Where were you going with this?" Lloyd interrupted, his lip curling with an eyebrow raised.

"I was going to take you guys for a little ride," he replied, winking. "I got her all shined up for once, might as well give it some love."

"All three of us?" Colette asked.

Zelos snickered. "No, no, I can only take one passenger at a time. You'll have to fight over who gets to ride yours truly." He stuck his tongue out.

"What?!" Lloyd jerked back into the truck.

"Oh, I mean ride _with._ Same difference, yeah?" The teasing lilt in his voice was thick, his eyes dancing.

Colette appeared oblivious, her only acknowledgement being a side glance at Lloyd. Her main focus was on the motorcycle itself. "You know, you could attach a side car to it somewhere...that way all three of us could go!"

Zelos smacked his forehead, shaking his head. "Really? We'd be like some old time cartoon heroes, looking for where trouble rides on the highway."

Much to the boys' surprise, she lit up, bouncing on her toes. "Yeah! Wouldn't that be cool?"

Lloyd bit his lip, glancing between both Colette and Zelos, and the latter's face broke into a defeated smile, and he reached over as far as he could to poke her cheek. "Sure it would," he said with a little sigh. "So, who's going first?"

The other two exchanged a look. "You can go on ahead, Colette," Lloyd said, resigned. "I'll just...stick around here..."

"No, no! Um, how about..." She paused to think. "How about we do rock-paper-scissors for it?"

"Okay." They faced each other, fists out, after Colette forced her sweatshirt sleeve up enough so her hand wasn't drowning in it. "Rock, paper, scissors, _shoot!"_

Lloyd threw out two fingers, as did Colette. "Again!" she exclaimed. "Rock, paper, scissors, _shoot!"_

This time, Lloyd splayed his palm flat, while Colette flashed out her two fingers. "Scissors beats paper!" Colette cheered, playfully "cutting" Lloyd's hand.

Zelos looked on, amused, with his hands on his hips. "The cute angel wins," he said as she bounded around to the back of the bike. "Don't worry, Lloyd. You'll get your chance to ride."

"Yeah, yeah." He had a far away look in his eyes as he watched Colette's excitement, but his body language suggested otherwise, arms crossed and leaned back against his truck. "Just don't be too long, okay?"

Zelos pondered for a moment, chin in his hand. "Hmm..." He looked up at the apartments, then down to the garage. "I've got an idea." He kicked the stand out from the side of the bike and carefully adjusted the weight so it leaned just so, but did not topple over. "Give me two seconds!" He dashed back into the garage, braid tossing back and forth against his back.

Colette's giddy face faltered when she returned her attention to Lloyd. "A-ah, I'm sorry. Maybe...he has another one?"

Lloyd scoffed and shook his head. "No, it's okay. You have fun. Besides, I don't even know how to ride a motorcycle." _Maybe I should learn,_ he thought. "Don't know what he's up to though--"

Just then, Zelos came roaring up from the garage in his Mustang, top down, and he spun it around right beside Lloyd's truck with a squeal of the tires. He leaped out of the driver's seat and tossed the keys over to Lloyd. "Heads up!"

He caught them clumsily, their metallic faces shining up at him. "Dude, are you serious?"

"Why not? You don't want to be left behind, right?" Zelos winked at him and clapped him on his shoulder. He came around the side, holding a black motorcycle helmet under his other arm, the corresponding hand holding a pair of sunglasses. He glanced over to Colette, her blonde hair cascading down over her shoulders. "Do you have something to tie your hair back with, kitten?" he asked her.

"Um, I think so!" She ran over to the passenger side of the truck and rummaged through the glove box. She reemerged with a dusty scrunchie and tamed her hair within it in a low ponytail.

"That's better. Wouldn't want your pretty hair to get all tangled," Zelos flirted, handing her over the helmet he was carrying. As she forced it over her head, he donned the sunglasses and twirled the key ring with a single key on it around his finger, heading back to the bike.

"Don't you have a helmet?" Colette asked. Lloyd brushed by her as he made his way over to Zelos' car. He noticed its red finish wasn't quite as polished as the motorcycle, and it had more than a few faint scratches. _Doesn't change the fact that it's worth five times as much as that truck,_ he thought, keeping one eye on Zelos and Colette as he settled into the leather seat.

"Me? Nah, I'm fine," Zelos said, mounting the bike and patting the seat behind him. "Your head's worth a lot more than mine."

Colette frowned. "Zelos!"

"Just hop on," he insisted, and glanced back over at his car. "Are you going to be able to handle all that power, Lloyd?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" he exclaimed, buckling himself in.

"I can't imagine that hunk of junk you drive has any horsepower left," Zelos teased. "Maybe one? Two horses?"

Behind him, Colette shakily swung her leg over the back seat of the bike and scooted up behind Zelos, her feet eventually finding the foot pegs. She was close enough to him to smell the musky scent of leather emanating from his jacket.

"C'mon, the truck's almost twenty years old, give it a break!" Lloyd started the engine with a husky rumble.

Zelos replied with a laugh, then patted Colette behind him on her thigh. "You ready to roll, cutie?"

"Uh-huh!" she replied.

His hand brushed hers, folded in her lap. "You can either hang on to the grab bars beside you--" He stretched to point to the heavy plastic bars on either side of her seat. "--or you can hang on to me."

A shot of adrenaline briskly rushed through her core. "Um, I'll start here for now." She gripped on to the grab bars beside her.

"Okay." He shot her a smirk, then started the bike again, giving a short twist to the throttle. He gestured to Lloyd. "Follow my lead."

Zelos' feet lifted off the ground as he rolled the bike into motion, easing into first gear. Colette squeezed her legs together in an attempt to stay upright on the bike, her palms tight around the smooth, red grab bars. He wheeled out of the parking lot, stopping at the edge of the driveway before heading into traffic. Zelos turned his head behind him to spot Lloyd right behind them--his hand on the steering wheel was tight, even Colette could see the whites of his knuckles. "He's nervous," Zelos muttered, amused, then raised his voice to a shout. "Yo! Don't wreck my ride!"

Lloyd's lip curled and he scowled. "What the hell, man?!" he shouted back.

Zelos revved his engine and sped out of the driveway, peeling past the neatly lined trees on the side of the road. Colette pushed the visor up on her helmet to let the fresh breeze flow around her face. She jerked when he shifted gears, feeling the engine intensify beneath her, then ebb away with the shift of each gear. _This must be like driving a manual car,_ she thought, gazing at the scenery. The air was surprisingly chilly at such a velocity, and she was glad she brought Lloyd's sweatshirt along with her. Zelos' braid laid flat against his back, and upon closer inspection, there were many loose hairs, and it was slightly uneven. _It's still pretty,_ she thought, leaning a little closer. _I wonder how Lloyd would look in a leather jacket..._

They came to a red light through traffic, and Colette could see the city of Meltokio looming up ahead. Zelos turned to her, and she propped her helmeted head on his shoulder to listen more carefully. "City driving on the bike is boring," he said. He made a large gesture to Lloyd, who was a couple cars behind them at this point, pointing left. "We're gonna try and go the long way around."

"Where are we going, exactly?" Colette asked.

"I don't know," Zelos said with a shrug. "Just some open road. We'll probably find it on the Sylvarant side."

The light changed, and he gunned the engine, jerking Colette back in her seat. _Oh no, I'm gonna fall...!_ A brief image of herself sliding off the back of the bike and being crushed by asphalt and oncoming traffic flashed in her mind, paralyzing her thoughts. A split second later, muscle instinct kicked in, and her hands flew off the grab bars and around Zelos' waist until they reached a steady cruising velocity. Eventually she relaxed, first easing her grip, then letting go of him completely, resuming her former position. Zelos patted her knee with one hand. "You okay?" he shouted back against the wind.

"Y-yeah!" Colette replied, despite her racing heart.

He glanced behind him to keep Lloyd in his sights; he was keeping up with them, a car's length away, even despite their burst of speed. "I'll let you know if I do that again, okay, angel?" he said.

"Okay."

With their easier speed, Colette took the opportunity to turn back to Lloyd and wave at him with one hand. He caught her eye immediately and grinned back, huge and stunning. A giggle rippled in her throat. _He's having fun too. Good._ She resumed her vision back forward to take in the scenery around them. Even as the city of Meltokio was close, buildings still sky high above them, the outlying streets were tidy and suburban, each house sharing the same, cookie cutter shape as the one beside it. Their only defining features seemed to be the colors, all varying in shades of blue, white, and even a couple yellow. The road they traveled snaked around the relatively quiet streets, the sun peeking in and out behind the clouds. They crossed a small bridge, and over the horizon, Colette could spot the huge, iconic Tethe'alla bridge off in the horizon. "Wow!" she exclaimed to herself. _I didn't even know about this back path across the river...!_

Zelos slowed at an intersection right across the bridge and signaled right, keeping Lloyd in his rear view mirror. The houses were getting more spread out on the side of the road, and the sidewalks were soon replaced with more grass and trees. When he came to a stop, he stared down the long, straight stretch, then addressed Colette. "I want you to hang on tight to me, okay?" he said over the engine idle.

She responded by wrapping her arms snug around his waist, tucking his braid close to her belly. He adjusted her arms on him so they were good and tight, fingertips grazing the tops of her hands. He made a quick, one handed gesture back to Lloyd, then made the turn onto the main road.

Zelos started slow, but soon he tucked his own body low and yanked back the throttle, shifting up gears as fast as the machine would allow him. Colette pressed her face against his jacket and squeezed her whole body tight--the wind howled through her helmet in her ears, and the pressure of the velocity against her body kept threatening to pry her off the bike. Time seemed stretched around her, ebbing with the wind and the blurred trees and highway. The rush hit her all at once, and to quell the energy, she screamed into Zelos back.

_Oh, Martel, I'm flying!_

The engine beneath them began to relax as Zelos shifted back down, resuming a more reasonable pace as they crested a bend in the road. Colette poked her head out from Zelos back, and managed to catch his face in the left side mirror. He was laughing into the wind, his face wind burnt and flush, freckles shining in the sun. However, his glee faded slightly as the road stretched back empty behind them. "Ah, damn it," Zelos cursed, slowing to a crawl.

"What?" Colette asked.

Zelos pulled over to the side of the road. "We lost Lloyd," he said, sliding his sunglasses on top of his head. His feet skidded against the ground and he stood to bring the bike to a full stop. He squinted out into the distance. "He was keeping up fine before..."

"How fast did we go?" Colette asked, a quiver in her voice.

He smirked. "I think we hit 90 miles per hour. Maybe 100." His eyes were shining. "Were you scared?"

"A little." She realized that she was still holding Zelos from behind, and slowly withdrew her arms. "I've never gone that fast before. It was...exciting, though."

Zelos chuckled, holding her gaze for a moment longer before wheeling the bike around manually. "Well, let's go see where Lloyd went. If he hasn't caught up now, he must've pulled over."

A thought struck Colette with a little gasp. "Oh no, do you think he got pulled over for speeding?"

"Nah, I doubt it. We're getting into Sylvarant territory, the wild country side. I don't think anyone gives a damn about a little speeding 'round here."

"You know, it isn't _that_ bad out here,"

"Oh yeah, you grew up in Iselia too." Zelos eased out into the road, taking it slow enough to make conversation. "There's practically no traffic here, anyway."

Colette kept hold of him until they reached a steady speed, then loosened her grip, sliding her hands down his waist. "You can still hang onto me if you want," Zelos suggested. "I don't mind at all."

"A-ah..." She hesitated, then resumed her hold on him, scooting up a little on the seat. _It does feel a little more comfortable. And...safe._ She watched the dotted line along the road as it blurred into the tar. _Is it strange to feel safe after we just sped down the road like that? With someone so reckless...?_

_("Lloyd, Lloyd wait! Don't pick me uUUUP!"_

_He had already lifted her far above his head, all in her flowing, pale teal dress, one of her dainty dress shoes flying off in the tussle. He swooped her over his back like a sack of potatoes, cackling with laughter as he ran in his tuxedo. Despite all of this, she found herself laughing too. "Put me down!" she cried, gripping desperately onto his back._

_"Where? Into the swamp?" he teased, having ran down the bank to the edge of the marsh. He took her back in his arms, bridal style, readying her over the thick, soupy water._

_"No, no!" She tugged on his tie, perfectly matched to her dress, and threw her arms around his neck, kicking her legs. "C'mon, Lloyd! We're going to be late!"_

_Lloyd's hair was everywhere, cheeks red and flushed, his brown eyes glowing a gold color in the setting sun. "It isn't even dark, yet," he insisted, bumping his forehead against hers. "We've still got time."_

_"Time for what? Sheena already has our ride ready--"_

_"Time with you."_

_Lloyd kissed her cheek...)_

Colette smiled to herself. _I guess it's nothing I haven't dealt with before. Just...packaged differently._

Zelos abruptly shifted down, jerking her out of her thoughts. There was a convenience store and gas station on the side of the road, and the Mustang shone like a beacon in the parking lot. Lloyd was outside of the car, talking to someone she couldn't see. Zelos turned across the road into the lot, and pulled up right beside the car. Both parties turned to the bike, and Colette brighened. "Hi, Sheena!"

Sheena gave her a one handed salute, clad in a denim jacket and skinny jeans and her typical ponytail. "Hey! You still hanging out with this guy?"

Zelos tilted up his sunglasses and frowned, cutting the engine. "What, you don't think I'm pretty enough?" he said.

Sheena rolled her eyes. Lloyd, on the other hand, circled around to the bike, where Colette was heaving her leg over the seat to get off. "How was your ride?" he asked.

"Fun!" she chirped, undoing the strap on her helmet. "We went really fast!" When she popped off the helmet, her hair was matted all around her face, fly-aways sticking out in all directions.

"I saw." Lloyd sounded less than impressed, giving Zelos a side eyed glare.

"What? I had her wear the helmet," he scoffed, kicking out the stand for the motorcycle and steadying it. "I wouldn't want to scratch up kitten's pretty face."

Sheena crossed her arms in disapproval, but only sighed. "So these are _both_ yours?"

"You bet," Zelos said with a wink. "I can take you for a ride if you want, my voluptuous beauty~."

 _"Zelos!"_ Lloyd and Sheena said in harmony, the latter with significantly more venom.

"All right, all right. There is a line, you know." He strutted between Lloyd and Colette, bumping hips with Lloyd and putting an arm around his shoulder. "This guy still needs his turn, too."

Lloyd hip checked him back, gently pushing him away. "Yeah, yeah." He scratched the back of his neck. "I would've kept up with you guys, but I saw Sheena and wanted to say hi."

"That's fine!" Colette said. "Were you heading home from work?"

"Yeah, just got done for the day, and I wanted to grab some gas," she replied, looking between the three of them. "So, did you guys have any other plans besides your little joy ride?"

Both Lloyd and Colette turned to Zelos. "Hm? Uh, not really," he said with a shrug. "Maybe just go back to my place? I could take Lloyd as a passenger back."

"Y'know, maybe another time," Lloyd said. He had one hand on the door of the Mustang, unconsciously stroking it. "I wanna tool around a little more."

Sheena raised an eyebrow, biting away a grin. "Does it make you feel more like a _man,_ Lloyd?" she teased. "All that raw horsepower?"

"What? Oh Goddess, not this--" The whole group was laughing (Colette less than the others), and Lloyd felt his face grow hot. "C'mon, cut it out! I don't have anything to prove!"

"We can find out later~," Zelos said, putting his sunglasses back on.

"It's okay, Lloyd," Colette said, walking up to him and holding his sides. "It's a cool car, and you look cool in it!"

"Th-thanks, Colette," he said, feeling the pressure ease off him through her earnest face.

"You guys ought to come hang out at my place soon," Sheena said, watching Lloyd and Colette with amused eyes. "I just got the quads back from the shop, so we can go riding sometime."

"Oh, cool!" Lloyd said, brightening.

"Quads?" Zelos asked.

"Like ATV's," Colette clarified. "You know, riding on the motorcycle reminded me of going through the back fields of Luin when we were in high school. It's like the same thing, only less fast and through the woods!"

"Ah." Zelos looked out onto the open road. "I've never been into that sort of thing...don't you get stuck a lot?"

"Yeah, but the quads are made for it," Lloyd said. "You just muscle through the mud. I used to haul wood with them, too."

"Ehh, still..." Zelos shook his head. "Not my kinda thing. You don't look cool when you're all dirty like that."

Sheena laughed low, a twinkle in her eye. "Oh, now we _have_ to take you out on the quads. I'll mow you right into the swamp pit!"

Zelos made a face. "Oh Martel, no way!"

"You can ride with me," Lloyd suggested.

"Or me!" Colette piped up. "I can drive them too!"

"Bunch of country kids," Zelos grumbled, adjusting his jeans. "I'll stick to my sleek bike, thanks."

Sheena snickered. "Well, you can come if you want, pretty boy, but Lloyd and Colette are definitely welcome. I'll call you guys later!" She circled around the pump to her own, modest car with a wave.

"Seriously, Zelos, you should come up," Lloyd said once Sheena drove out of the lot. "It's a lot of fun."

"Well..." He paused, and looked between them. "If it's with the two of you, I guess it'll be okay." He patted them both on the shoulder.

"Yay!" Colette cheered. Both Zelos and Lloyd chuckled at her, and she could feel the same, warm look emanating from both of them. Lloyd, stocky and brawny, with weathered hands but a warm smile; and Zelos, slender and tall, cool and pale with nearly transparent eyes, in high contrast to his bright hair. "It'll be another adventure!"

"Sure thing, cutie," Zelos said. A gust of wind kicked up dust from the side of the road, and Zelos patted the seat of his bike. "What do you say we head back?"

"Okay," Lloyd replied. He ran his hand down Colette's back before automatically returning to the Mustang.

"Last call if you wanna ride with me," Zelos offered, mounting the bike.

"We can go another time. Just don't blast off again with Colette, okay?"

"Lloyd, it was fine!" Colette insisted, putting her helmet back on.

"I'll take it easy, promise. I'll keep your little lady safe." His grin was wild and huge.

"H-hey!"

Zelos revved the engine hard on start up and beckoned Colette to her seat. "Ready to roll?" he asked as she swung her leg around the back of the bike.

Colette did not hesitate in hugging around Zelos waist this time. "Ready."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 6/30: Oy, forgot that I mentioned the motorcycle thing earlier, plus a couple other inconsistencies. The Tethe'alla bridge is a placeholder for the giant Meltokio bridge in the game, just with a name change, and I apparently forgot. I am my own beta reader...
> 
> Whew! Thanks for your patience! I recently got promoted at my work, and it's been hell to keep everything in check--that's why this took two weeks! I have a history with motorcycles, so it's a rule that any fandom I'm in, headcanon or not, someone rides a cool bike. Also, apparently Zelos doesn't care for getting dirty, despite living in bachelor squalor. It's also been a bit since we saw Sheena! Lookin' cool as usual. I think next chapter is a Lloyd-centric one, featuring Raine as well.


	18. Conference

_("I didn't know you could sing."_

_Lloyd nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard Zelos' voice coming from the entryway of his bedroom._ There's that lazy smile again. _He felt himself curling in around his history book. "I don't, not really," he muttered._

_"I just heard you, bud," Zelos insisted, walking in to stand over his seat. "Just a little humming. It's something."_

I didn't even realize I was doing it, _he thought. "I, ah, thanks, I guess?"_

_Zelos chuckled. "It sounds good. Promise." He patted him on the shoulder and strolled out. "Yo, Colette! Did you know Lloyd could sing and never told me?"_

_Her voice lilted through the hall. "Oh, yeah! He has an acoustic guitar back in Iselia..."_

_Lloyd whirled in his seat, his ears flaming. "H-hey!" he shouted._

_"He used to play all the time, and sing a little."_

_"Damn, you're lucky! A handsome guy like him, serenading you..."_

_"C-cut it out!" Lloyd flew up from his chair and rushed down the hall, where they were chatting in the kitchen. Interestingly enough, Colette looked almost as flustered as he did._

_"D-don't tease, Zelos!" she stammered. "He's really self-conscious about it, I used to have to sneak up on him in order to hear..."_

_Zelos flipped his hair back. "I'm not teasing, I'm jealous!" He glanced over at Lloyd._ That look, _Lloyd thought, his body temperature starting to cool._ It's teasing and gentle all at the same time. I'd get it if he just looked at Colette that way, but...

for me, too?

_"You're full of surprises, Lloyd Irving," Zelos said...)_

"Hey, in front of you."

Lloyd was jerked out of his day dream by a student in front of him waggling a fist full of worksheets. He shook his head. "Sorry," he replied, taking one and continuing to pass it back. _Right. You're in class still. Least it's not like high school, where you get really reamed out by daydreaming._ He glanced back to the front of the room, where Professor Aurion already had his eyes on him. _Or, maybe not._

His attention was next drawn to the clock. _Nice, only a few more minutes left._ Then, his attention slid to the door. Outside the window, he saw Colette and Zelos chatting to each other, the former her usual, animated self. _Cute._ Zelos caught Lloyd's eye through the glass and waved, soon followed by an even bigger wave from Colette. He couldn't help but grin, even stifled by a hand over his mouth. _It's been fun, having a group of us like this. I haven't felt this way since high school, when Sheena and Genis were around more often. Now, Sheena is at work all the time, and Genis is still finishing up school...it's been different. Okay, but different._

_Still, this is good._

At the front of the classroom, Aurion sighed. "It looks like we will have to stop here for today. Make sure to look over the study guide before next class."

The room exploded with the sounds of rustling backpacks, papers, and scraping seats on the tile to scramble out of the classroom. Lloyd found himself hustling just as much as the rest of the crew, bumping into the side of the front desk as he whirled past. Colette and Zelos were pressed against the back wall of the hallway amidst the class change chaos. _Thank Goddess he’s wearing normal pants for once and not those...skinny jeans,_ Lloyd thought as his eyes ran over Zelos first, in loose pants and a t-shirt. However, as Colette caught his eye, he noticed that her top was a little more form fitting that usual, and revealing at the neckline. _Ah, well..._

"Hey, Lloyd!" Colette sang, smiling wide. "How was class?"

"Eh, all right," he replied, unable to keep a smile off his own face.

"You weren't asleep the whole time, were you?" Zelos teased, tongue out.

"Of course not!" he retorted. "We're having a quiz next week, so I have to pay attention..."

"Yeah, yeah. I saw you glassy eyed out the window. So, who were you dreaming about? Cute Colette? Or maybe me~?"

"Holy shit! Cut it out!"

"Lloyd?"

The voice came from behind them--a woman with sleek, white hair flipped out the sides wearing a dark orange turtle neck and brown dress pants, holding a small stack of notebooks. Her presence was not made necessarily by height, but by her wide stance, straight shoulders, and her neat, clean outfit. Her gray-violet eyes and faint makeup emphasized this. "I thought I would find you here," she said.

"Hi, Raine!" Colette greeted.

She smiled back gently. "It's good to see you, Colette. How is your second essay coming along?"

"Oh, um, okay." She shrank a little. "I-I'm still doing the research parts..."

"Don't worry too much. You still have about a week." Raine looked up at Zelos, who was eying her intensely. "And who's your new friend?"

Lloyd jumped in. "Zelos, this is Professor Raine Sage, teacher and archaeologist, and me and Colette's faculty adviser. Professor Sage, this is Zelos Wilder--"

Zelos cut him off by stepping in front of him and taking Raine's hand in his own, bowing over and kissing her hand. "It's such a pleasure," he crooned shamelessly. Colette cringed, while Lloyd smacked his forehead with his hand. "I didn't realize you guys had such a beautiful, intelligent teacher--"

Raine curled her lip and jerked her hand away. "That's _enough,"_ she snapped, crossing her arms over her chest.

Lloyd lunged in front of him, elbowing him in the stomach as he did so. "Sorry, Raine, he does this sh--this crap all the time--"

"I see," Raine replied, studying him a little more carefully. Colette frowned at Zelos, and he shrugged and stared down at the floor. His face was blank, and Lloyd unable to tell whether he was upset or indifferent through the curtain of hair. _You're really great at first impressions, Zelos,_ Lloyd thought with a grimace.

"A-anyway, did you need something?" Lloyd asked, glancing back at Raine.

"Right." Her icy disposition thawed when she redirected her attention to him. "I was wondering if I could speak with you in my office? I just have a couple of questions about your schedule."

"Oh, sure." Lloyd looked over at Colette, who had a wash of concern across her face. "We'll meet up later?"

"Okay. Zelos and I were talking about going over to his place together, right?" She nudged him, and he jerked up from the floor.

"Oh yeah, right," Zelos said. He cleared his throat, and his voice resumed its natural rhythm. "We'll wait for you at your place instead, if you want."

"Sounds good," Lloyd affirmed.

"We'll see you." Zelos hesitated. "And, ah...nice to meet you, Professor." He smirked and nodded at her, although Lloyd noticed that the brightness in his eyes that he had before had significantly faded. _Hopefully Colette can cheer him up. And maybe convince him not to be an asshole to everyone he meets._

Colette waved goodbye, then the two turned and headed down the hallway to the stairwell. Raine walked the opposite way, Lloyd close behind. "Where did you meet him?" she asked, staring straight ahead.

Lloyd laughed nervously. "Funny story," he started. "Well, not really. Not at all, actually. Just...I found him on Tethe'alla Bridge a couple weeks ago, and, ah..." _The more I tell this story, the more I hang out with him, the harder it gets._ "He was about to jump off..."

Raine gripped the notebooks she was holding tightly in her hands. "Oh Goddess, that's terrible..." she said, then grew quiet as they walked through to the opposite end of the floor. When they reached the other staircase, Raine pulled out a ring of keys and opened the door right beside it, labeled with a wooden plaque that was simply inscribed “SAGE”.

Raine’s office was small, barely enough room for two people, but was covered in shelves and posters, all depicting ancient artifacts and dig finds. Her own desk was clean, featuring a full sized paper calendar serving as a barrier between the hardwood surface and the outside world. On top of it was a bulky black laptop, a can of pens and pencils, and two picture frames. One was of herself and a young boy with long white hair to match her own, standing in front of a small cottage covered in ivy. The other was of Lloyd and Colette clad in black cap and graduation gowns. His own face grinned back at him, toothy and carefree.

“I didn’t know you had these pictures,” Lloyd commented as she sat down in her over-sized office chair. He closed the door behind him.

“Of course I do,” she said, gesturing for him to sit in the folding chair beside her. “You forget that I watched you two grow up, and all that came with it. Iselia isn’t that huge of a place.”

Lloyd chuckled. “Oh yeah, that’s for sure.”

She opened up her laptop and hit the power button, placing her notebooks beside her. A pair of reading glasses sat on the other side of the laptop, and she slid them along the bridge of her nose. _I don’t remember her using glasses before,_ he thought as she sifted through her things. _I never remembered those lines around her mouth and forehead either._ He shifted in his seat, directing his eyes back to the pictures instead. _When we first met, I thought she was Genis’ mom, but then when she said she was his sister, I never thought she was that old. He sighed. Then again, we’re all getting older. Colette and I just turned 21, and Genis is almost 18…_

“All right, now that the computer’s all booted up,” Raine announced, interrupting his thoughts. “I wanted to talk about your schedule for next semester.”

“Oh yeah, ‘course,” Lloyd said, nonchalantly.

Raine stared at him for a moment, peering over the tops of her glasses. “Mainly, the fact that you haven’t signed up for anything.”

 _Shoot!_ “Oh, uh, right.” His voice sounded casual enough, but he felt his stomach knot. “I, ah, kinda forgot…”

“Mmhmm.” Raine clicked through a few things on the laptop, unseen by Lloyd. “Have you considered what major you wanted to go for? It says here you’re still undeclared.”

“Ah…” he pondered, looking at everything but her face. “I’m not really sure.”

“Well, you’ve taken a bunch of history courses so far. You’ve almost exhausted Kratos Aurion’s entire teaching block.” She chuckled. “You also have a few language courses, all the general ones. Your marks are fair enough, nothing wrong with a 3.5 GPA…”

Lloyd began to tune her voice out, eyes wandering to the light flooding in through the single window, bright enough to illuminate the room without need of the overhead light. _I wish I were back home with Colette and Zelos. We were planning on watching a movie tonight, I think. Then after this week, I’m going back to Iselia for the weekend to help Dad move some lumber around. Colette was going to come by, too. It’d be nice to--_

“Lloyd!”

Raine’s voice snapped through the air like an electric current, and he shrank back in his seat. “Were you listening to me?” she asked.

Lloyd scratched behind his neck. “I was...ah…” The pressure from Raine’s fog-colored eyes was nearly suffocating.

She shook her head. “I was just saying about how your scholarship is about to run out, so you should think about applying for another one if you want better financial aid.”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re almost at the deadline for deciding your major, otherwise you’ll just be thrown into a gen-ed pool, and it’s a lot of rigamarole to get back onto a dedicated track.”

“Okay.”

“Maybe you could…” Raine trailed off suddenly, a distant look in her eye. After a moment of silence, she turned back to Lloyd and took her glasses off. She leaned back in her chair, letting the continued quiet alert him back into the present. “Lloyd?”

His head tilted. “Y-yeah?”

Her voice grew gentle. “What do you want to do with your life?”

His lips parted, and he stared first at her, then at the ground. _That’s such a...broad question. And I’ve been asked it before, back in high school. I…_

_I don’t know if I really have an answer._

“I just…” he started, then hesitated, shoulders slumped. “I...don’t know.”

Raine held her glasses up to her lips, one of the ends near her mouth. “Well, let me ask you this: why did you come to Tethe’alla U in the first place?”

“To be with Colette.” The answer came immediately, too immediately, fast enough to come spilling out of Lloyd’s mouth before he could think to stop it. “I-I mean...I didn’t want to...ah.” He took a deep breath. “When I heard she was going to TU, early acceptance, everything, I just…”

He paused, the thoughts bouncing all around his head, somewhat formulated in concept, but

_(“I”ll be able to have my own place when I go to school out there!”_

_“I’m so excited to study and help animals!”_

_“When I get to college…”_

_“When I go…”_

_“When I leave…”_

_“You can come visit me, Lloyd!”_

_“I can’t_

_wait to go.”)_

separate in disposition.

A weight returned to his shoulders, a weight that stung behind his eyes. “I didn’t want her to leave.” _For a little while, it felt like she was already gone. Pawing through brochures, looking into clubs, and she even signed up to be in the housing pool._ “We were friends for so long, and I didn’t want her to just...disappear into college and not hear from her again.”

“I’m sure that wouldn’t have happened,” Raine assured. “You two have been attached at the hip since we moved into town, and you were just kids.”

“Yeah but...still,” Lloyd said, the discomfort still settled in him. “Like, I know we’re not as close as we used to be with Genis and Sheena, even though we were tight when we were all at school together.” His hands were wrapped along the seat of his chair, fingers drumming. “I didn’t want that to happen with her. That’s why I worked so hard...to get that scholarship.” He sighed deeply. “Plus, Dad really wanted me to go to school too. He used to not let me help him until I got all my school stuff done. So...that’s why.”

Raine nodded slowly, contemplating. “You two live together now, correct?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re still helping your dad work back home?”

Lloyd’s eyes lit up. “Yeah, most weekends I go back up. It’s really relaxing, and I love being up in the woods.”

“You know,” she said. “You don’t have to get a degree to work in lumber construction like that.”

“H-huh?”

Raine sighed, pushing back a little from her desk and pushed her glasses on the top of her head, her head in one hand. “I’m not saying this as your professor, or as your adviser. I’m saying this as an adult who...wishes the best for you, for your own sake.” Her eyes grazed from soft focus back to him. “Maybe college isn’t a good fit for you.”

 _What?_ “But, P-professor…” A strange jolt of anxiety flowed out to his extremities, stinging in his hands and feet. He hoped it didn't show in his face.

“Whenever you come back up to Iselia, you seem so much more relaxed and yourself. Even just around your friends, outside of the classroom. Kratos has spoken to me about it.”

“Professor Aurion...talks about me?”

She nodded. “He’s the head of my department, and knows some of our history. You’re paying attention even less in class. He’s worried that your next test might make you slip further.”

“But…” Lloyd started, a strange wave of panic falling over him. “I can’t just...drop out. Dad’ll be disappointed the most, and I don’t want to just stop something without finishing it--”

“I understand,” she said, “and it doesn’t necessarily mean that. I think something like a vocational school might be a good fit. Secondary education doesn’t promote it as well anymore, but it’s an option.”

“What’s that?” he asked. _I didn't even know there was anything else out there_ besides _college after high school._

“It’s a school for more practical skills, like welding and masonry,” she explained. “It’s a lot more hands on. If I’m to be honest, I…” She paused, shaking her head. “I had a feeling this was the case when you were applying here. You seemed really committed to it, though, so I didn’t want to discourage you.”

“Ah.” Lloyd leaned forward in his seat, his elbows on his thighs. “So what does this mean? My scholarship’s still going to run out, and I don’t really have the means to keep going, unless I want to go through that whole process again.” _What a fucking nightmare,_ he thought. _I was up for three nights straight cramming that damn thing._

“I can put you in for what TU has to offer for voc ed,” Raine suggested, going back to her computer. “There’s a construction course and a woodworking course. They’re three days a week for several hours though--they’ll take up almost all your credit hours.”

“Sure.” Lloyd’s head felt heavy, like his neck could barely hold it up. “I think I need to...think about this a little more.” _A lot more. Wonder what Colette'll think..._

“That’s fine, that’s perfectly fine.” Her fingers whirled at the keyboard, and she clicked a few more buttons. “I’ll email you what I have so far, and you can let me know. You should have it done by next week though.”

“Okay.”

Raine’s forehead wrinkled, Lloyd's distress obvious in his hunched posture, and she scooted over a little closer to him, putting a hand on his knee. “I didn’t mean to work you up over this,” she said.

“I know,” Lloyd replied, managing a small smile. “I’ll...figure it out.”

There was a shuffle outside the door, the scuffing of feet on tile. Raine rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “Genis!” she barked.

There was a knock, and then a round face poked in through the door. A mess of long white hair and a pale face spotted with the remnants of adolescent acne peered over at them. “Yeah, sis?” he said. His voice was deeper than his lanky, boyish appearance would suggest.

“How long have you been eavesdropping?” she asked, frowning in annoyance.

“C’mon, I haven’t been here that long,” he insisted, opening the door fully and strolling in. He gave Lloyd a cheeky grin. “What’s happening, Lloyd?”

“Genis!” He immediately jumped up from his seat, some of the heaviness falling away as he gave him a quick one armed hug. “Good to see you, man.”

“When are you coming back up to Iselia?” he asked. “We haven’t seen you in a little while.”

“Probably this weekend. I’ll see if Colette and Zelos will come too.”

“Zelos?” Genis raised an eyebrow. “New friend of yours?”

“Yeah. He’s, ah, a lot of fun,” Lloyd said, biting back a smile. _How else do you describe him?_

“You could put it that way,” Raine interjected sourly, arms still crossed.

“So that’s why you haven’t been up,” Genis chuckled. “Oh, yeah, Raine? I think one of the professor’s was out here waiting for you. He was here before I got here…”

Raine squinted. “Did he have dark red hair and a stone faced look?” she asked.

"Yeah, that's about right.”

“Kratos,” she hissed, frowning. “I’ll have a word with him. Granted, he does have some concern for you, Lloyd.” She put a finger on to her lips. “Not sure exactly why, though.”

Lloyd shrugged. “I think I’m gonna head home. I’ve got...a lot to think about.” He stood and reshouldered his backpack, realizing that a headache was beginning between his eyebrows. “We’ll hang out soon, Genis.”

“Yeah, for sure!” he agreed.

“I’ll talk to you soon, Lloyd,” Raine said. “Just get back to me on your decision when you can. You still have my phone number, right?”

“I think so. Colette might have it if I don’t.”

“Or you can just call me!” Genis suggested. “I can do a great Raine impression--”

“And you won’t.” Raine scowled at him, causing Genis to wave his hands and back away. Her expression softened back at Lloyd. “Take care walking back.”

Lloyd was already at the door frame. “All right.”

* * *

 

At the apartment, the three of them were gathered on the fold out bed together (it had not been in its couch position since Zelos’ first sleepover)--Colette was crosslegged near the head, Zelos kicked back beside her, while Lloyd was on the other end, sitting near the edge. “So that’s what Raine wanted to talk to you about,” Colette said. “I already did my schedule a couple weeks ago.”

“Yeah, I remember,” Lloyd said, downcast.

“School isn’t for everyone,” Zelos said, stretching. “You seem like a more hands-on, blue collar guy yourself.”

Colette, however, was pondering. “Maybe you could just...take some different classes? Maybe you just haven’t found something that interests you yet.”

“Well, she did suggest vocational whatever,” Lloyd said. “She mentioned stuff about woodworking and construction…”

“It’d be a shame to let that strong body go to waste,” Zelos commented, eyes wandering along his body.

Lloyd rolled his eyes. “That’s not...really the point. I don’t think.”

“What are you worried about?” Colette’s eyes were a deep, crystal blue, and Lloyd felt drawn into them, unable to break contact. It didn’t help that she crawled over closer to him, sitting shoulder to shoulder as Zelos watched. “If you really...want to drop out--”

“Not _drop out_ , just...change gears. I’ve still got a little bit of my scholarship left,” he said. She leaned a little against him and his hand automatically went to pet her hair. “Like...Dad probably won’t be very happy about it.”

“You think so?” Colette said. “He always seems pleased when you come and help him work. If you did that, wouldn’t you be up working in Iselia more anyway?”

“Maybe.” _I wouldn't be so sure. Whenever he talks to me, it's always "keep up your studies"._  Lloyd stared into space. _But...what about you, Colette? You’ll be out here, becoming a vet, and you won’t want to come home. And Zelos won’t probably hang around there either, he doesn’t need to and he doesn’t seem to like the “country”, as he calls it._

_Why would I want to leave my friends behind…?_

His eyes came back around into focus, and realized that Zelos was studying him. “What?” he asked.

“You’re worried about something,” he said, his eyes drifting to Colette, making sure she caught his gaze as well, then back to him. "Aren't you?" His voice was soft.

Lloyd’s eyes widened, and Colette froze against him. _Martel, that’s unsettling. He's more perceptive than he seems..._ “W-what?”

He sighed, a smile without emotion on his face. “It’s funny. One of the reasons I dropped out of college was because I had no friends anymore. And you’d rather do whatever you’re doing and be miserable because you have friends here.”

“But, you have friends in Iselia,” Colette chimed in. “There’s Genis, and Raine, and you’ll be with your family too. My folks are there as well, so you won’t be lonely.”

“That’s true, but…” Lloyd hesitated.

“But, what?” Zelos egged on. He met his eyes, icy blue, too aware. _You bastard._

Colette sat up and faced Lloyd, measuring her words carefully in her head before speaking. “I think...you should do what’s best for you,” she said, placing a hand over his chest around where his heart was. “Every time I see you in class, you always look like you don’t want to be there. I know you don’t study, even if you pretend to. If you’d rather do something else...I’ll be there, no matter what.”

Lloyd let himself soak her voice into his ears, the words washing over him like a warm, gentle shower. It was encouraging, but something still nagged at the back of his head. “If I take up construction or woodworking, where will you be?” he asked.

“I’ll be right here, of course,” Colette replied, smiling.

“Even...if I’m in Iselia?”

“Yeah. You’ll come back home here, right?”

“Well…” Lloyd’s heart sank again. _She probably didn’t even think of the possibility of me leaving._ “It’s an hour away, and the gas money on the truck’s going to go sky high. Plus, with regular travel, it might not even make it very long--”

“I’ll get another job, then.” Colette said firmly. Her hands clenched into small balls. “Something that actually pays, not just volunteer work. That’ll be a little extra--”

“With all your school work? You’ll be exhausted--”

“Hey, I can take care of that,” Zelos suggested, turning their attention toward him. “I’ve got money to burn. I’d rather spend it on keeping you cuties together than anything else. I’ll even buy you a new truck, if that’s what it’d take.”

Colette and Lloyd stared in wide eyed silence at him for a moment. “What?” Zelos said as he twirled a lock of hair in his hand. His mouth read amusement, but his eyes were puzzled, accompanied by a half-raised eyebrow.

“Th-thanks,” Lloyd said in awe, then shifted fully towards him, an eyebrow raised. “So, is this what it’s like to have loads of endless money?”

Zelos chuckled. “It ain’t everything, but damn, it sure helps, doesn’t it?” He sat up and scrambled over to them, arms around both of their shoulders. “Problem solved.”

“You can’t do that, Zelos…” Colette insisted, pouting a little. “I mean, what about--”

“Ah-ah-ah,” Zelos said, removing his arm from around her and hushing her with a finger to her lips. “I don’t want to hear it, angel.”

“Really--” Lloyd began, but he was also stopped by Zelos hand almost instantly.

“Nope.” After making sure the both of them were quiet, he stood up and flipped his hair, pacing around the fold out bed. “It’s been awhile since I’ve had someone to spoil. Sure beats staring at the ceiling all day.”

Lloyd and Colette exchanged a look around Zelos.   _For someone as full of himself and shameless as he is, he’s surprisingly generous,_ Lloyd thought. _I haven’t had to pay for anything since hanging around him. I guess when you’re an heir of a huge company, you don’t have to worry about things like money, or school, or--_

“You know, Zelos,” Colette began, worming around so she was sitting in front of the two boys. The more she spoke, the more timid her voice became. “I was thinking...maybe it’d be a good idea for you look for a hobby, or a job of some kind.”

Zelos stared at her, then barely managed to stifle his laughter, coming out as a series of snorts as he covered his mouth. “Martel, are you serious?” he barked, braying more laughter. “You’re funny.”

“No, listen!” Colette insisted, puffing out her cheeks. Lloyd sensed her tensing, and when Zelos came back to flop on the bed, he jabbed his side. “What I mean is...like, what do you do when we’re both at class?”

Zelos caught his breath, wiping a tear from his eye. “Ah, mostly just watch shitty TV.”

“Anything else?”

“Uh…” Zelos pondered. “Not...not really.” He didn’t meet their eyes.

“Sometimes you just look...really lonely, after not seeing us all day,” she said. “It might be good to have something to do while we’re not around.”

Zelos tilted his head back and forth. “Eh, maybe. I’ll think about it.”

“There might even be some postings up at campus,” Lloyd said, looking up at the ceiling to gather his thoughts. “There’s always something going on. I think the communications club is looking for another DJ for the radio station--”

“What, do you think I’ve got a sexy voice~?” Zelos said, grabbing a fistful of his hair and making a glamorous kissy face at Lloyd. “Or is it because I’m too ugly for TV?”

“N-no, it’s none of that,” Lloyd replied, leaning back, despite being mesmerized by his endless locks of hair. “It just seems like something cool you’d be into. I mean, you have all those CD’s at your place and everything.”

“I think there are some peer music lessons up too,” Colette said. “You could learn guitar, or piano or something like that!”

Zelos lit up. “Speaking of which…” He slid closer to Lloyd. “I wanted to go to my place after you guys got out of class, because I just so happen to have a guitar that hasn’t been played in storage. A little bird told me that you played--”

“H-hey! Who said--I can barely play as it is!” Lloyd argued. “Besides, it’s been forever--”

“Too late!” Zelos grabbed Lloyd by the arm and dragged him over to the door. “I’ll help keep you and your girlfriend together if you serenade me~.”

_“We aren’t dating!”_

“Oh, so that means you’re free for me!”

_“ZELOS!”_

Lloyd struggled against Zelos and broke free easily, but was bright red in the face with gritted teeth. Zelos tilted his head back toward the bed, where Colette was just standing up, watching the scene with a hand over her mouth. “You comin’, pretty girl?”

“If you can get Lloyd to sing, I’m all for it,” she replied, a rare devious look flashing across her face. It was soon replaced by her normal, innocent smile. “Let’s go!”

Lloyd grimaced as they both ushered him out of the apartment, equally amused. _What have I gotten myself into today?_ He stumbled down over the stairs, glancing back at his companions--smug faced Zelos, and bright eyed Colette. _At least I know they have my back, no matter what happens._

_And that? That’s not so bad._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 2/27/16: My idea of Genis has changed over the course of this fic, so he's been adjusted to match his later appearances.
> 
> All right, I'm not going to lie to you--this chapter is all over the place. If this piece ever turns into something else, like an original work, this chapter probably would be scrapped. But hey--we get to meet Raine and Genis! And Kratos keeps eavesdropping...I don't know, after putting Lloyd in a college setting, I thought to myself, "Would higher education like this _really_ be up his alley?" Thus inspiring this chapter initially. Who knows, maybe I've just been stewing on it too long, and maybe it's fine! Next chapter, we're heading out to Iselia to visit Lloyd's mom. Yup.


	19. Mother's Day

“All right, you got me,” Zelos groaned, crammed into the back section of Lloyd’s truck. He had both arms over the seats where Lloyd and Colette were sitting, head craned out to look through the windshield. “I have no fucking clue where we are.”

“That’s great, you don’t have to!” Lloyd replied, exasperated at the wheel. They were riding over thinly paved roads with only rolling fields and hay on either side of them. Occasionally, a mile marker would turn up here or there, but other than that, even other cars were sparse on the roadway.

Zelos punched the radio buttons from the back seat, getting nothing but garbled static from most frequencies. “No radio, either? Martel…” he complained.

“There are some tapes in here,” Colette said, rummaging through the glove box, where a mix of tapes, papers, and an array of miscellaneous items were crammed in, including a flashlight and a multi-tool knife.

“Nah, forget it,” Zelos sighed, falling back and crossing his arms.

Colette turned to him in sympathy, while Lloyd kept his eyes on the road. “It’s not that bad up in Iselia, I promise,” she insisted. “You might even like it.”

“Uh-huh,” Zelos said, rolling his eyes, then leaning his head against the window. _The way she says it makes me want to believe it,_ he thought. _Never been the biggest fan of the great middle of nowhere._

“Just this once,” Lloyd said testily, eyeing Zelos in the rearview mirror. “Then, if you’re just as miserable when you get there, we won’t take you again. Hell, we’re not even staying the night. We’ll just go see Mom, maybe say hi to everyone else in town--”

“Didn’t you say your mom wasn’t around anymore?” Zelos asked, voice flat. “Wouldn’t be much to see then, huh?”

“Nope.” Lloyd’s hand twisted on the steering wheel, but his voice fell. “We’re going to her grave.”

The truck defaulted to silence, the wind from the open driver’s side window creating the only conversation. The road took a gradual turn, and soon the rolling fields were replaced with more trees and lush greenery. The passenger’s side of the road was protected by a rusty guardrail, sloping sharply into more forests, while the opposite side was level, but just as green. They passed a sign reading “NOW ENTERING: ISELIA” that blurred by almost faster than could be read. Soon, however, a lowered speed limit sign appeared, and Lloyd reluctantly geared down the truck.

“Ah, shit,” Lloyd cursed, under his breath.

“What is it?” Colette asked. Listening from the back, Zelos was still drawn to how tender and gentle her voice sounded to him. _Why aren’t they fucking again?_ he thought idly.

“I forgot to bring flowers,” Lloyd said.

“Aren’t there still a ton of flowers up there? We planted a bunch when we were kids with Raine and Genis,” Colette said. She suddenly pointed out the window. “Lloyd, there!”

They crested a bend uphill, where the guardrail was haphazardly split and opened up to a steep dirt road on the passenger side. Lloyd pulled the truck over just beyond the opening and turned it off. “It always sneaks up on me,” Lloyd remarked, sighing. “Let’s go. It’s too narrow to take the truck down anyway.”

Lloyd was out first, and laid his seat forward so Zelos could clamber out from the back. stumbling into the road. “I’ll go grab some,” Colette said, and darted off down into the path.

It was a steady, downhill slope, surrounded by a dark cover of trees, along with sprigs of tall, purple flowers all along the foot path. Lloyd led the way, with Zelos close behind, dragging his feet along the twig strewn path. It was fairly short, and gave way to a small clearing and a rushing riverbed, almost two car lengths across. The calm, overcast day gave the river some peace, but small peaks of white rapids could still be discerned from the surface.

Lloyd stopped nearly dead in his tracks at the base of the clearing. “Well, this is it,” he said, oddly subdued as he stared out into the river. At the edge was a modest stone marker, only about a foot high and jagged around its edges. “ANNA IRVING” was etched at the top--although there appeared to be other engravings, perhaps a date, it was now nearly illegible. If the grass around it were not carefully cleared, it could have blended in with the rest of the mossy rocks and greenery surrounding it.

Zelos walked up beside his friend and brushed off his pants. “Do you...come by here often?” he asked.

“Nah. Usually...once or twice a year.” Lloyd’s voice was thick and slow, as if it were wading through molasses. “Seems like less now that I’m not living around here anymore.”

Colette came bounding back to Lloyd with her arms full of the fragrant flowers. “Here! I grabbed some lupin,” she exclaimed, holding them out to him.

He smiled weakly. “Thanks,” he said, lifting them up from her arms and into his own. “I’ll...be back in a few.”

Lloyd walked down the rest of the hill right up to the gravestone and knelt at it, leaving the flowers at the base. Zelos crossed his arms as Colette stood beside him, watching Lloyd tentatively. “Is he like this every time?” he asked.

“It depends on what’s going on at the time,” Colette replied, her voice almost a whisper. “Sometimes he’s really excited to come, and he talks to her just like she’s right there in front of him.” She covered her lips with her hand. “Other times...he’s more somber.”

“I...guess I get it,” Zelos replied, shifting his weight on his feet. “I haven’t been to my mom’s grave in years. I wasn’t allowed to after...an incident.” He chuckled nervously, running his hand through his hair. Colette stared up at him, looking for an explanation, but received nothing. “Uh...do you...know what happened? To Lloyd’s mom, I mean.”

She bit her lip. “I know the jist of it,” she began, “Dirk knows the best, though. It was a car accident. She skidded on black ice over that bend up the road.” She pointed back up from where they came. “Dirk found Lloyd further up river, almost hypothermic. He was just a little kid. By the time he went to check on the wreck, she was already dead.” She sighed. “No one knew her in town, and no one knows if his birth father is around, or even alive. No one else came for Lloyd so...Dirk raised him by himself.”

Zelos only nodded, keeping his eyes on Lloyd, still kneeling at the grave. “How long does this usually take?” he asked, slapping at his neck. “The bugs around here are terrible…”

“I don’t know,” she said, clutching her elbows. “Just...give him some time.”

* * *

 

_Hey, Mom._

Her name stared at him from the gravestone. _I can barely remember your face. Every time I try to think about it, it feels like I’m just...making something up. Like it’s not real._

“Mom.” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “Happy...happy Mother’s day. I forgot to bring you flowers. Well, I have these--” He waved the lupin at the stone and laughed a little to himself. “You see these every day, though. Let’s see, what’s new...”

_Colette and I met a new friend recently. His name is Zelos._ “I...think you’d like him. I dunno. He’s not great at first impressions.” _He’s fun for the most part. Lot of baggage, but fun. At least, when he’s not trying to flirt or start some kind of trouble…_

“I’m...thinking of switching to lumber and construction in school. Raine talked to me about it and thinks it’s a good fit.” _Did you ever even know Raine? Face to face?_ “I don’t know what Dad’s gonna say, though. He wanted me to do something more...academic.” _Dirk, I mean. He’s not my dad to you, but_

_he is to me._

“He said that someone else has been coming to see you lately. I wonder if you know who they are.” _I don’t know if you had any friends. Everyone says no one knew you around here. Who would know you were here? I don’t know anything...anything about you._

_Except that you were my mom._

Lloyd squeezed his eyes shut, trying to conjure a memory from somewhere, anywhere in his head. _Every day...that I feel like this, I wonder why. It’s been years and years. Fifteen? Maybe more. I barely remember anything. Dad used to say I had dreams about you when I was younger, but even those have_

_(mostly)_

_gone away. I barely remember anything. I remember being taken care of, and I remember that it wasn’t just you._

_I remember riding on someone’s shoulders and looking up into the bright, blue sky…_

_I remember playing with toys on a lawn that only vaguely feels familiar…_

_I remember riding in that car that went tumbling into the river, too fast. I remember feeling uneasy, helpless. Were you upset? I don’t know._

_I’m...not a kid anymore._

“But some days I still feel like one.”

Lloyd’s throat stung, and he found his nose trickling just enough to itch. He sniffled hastily and rubbed his eyes with the back of his sleeve. _I wonder if I had finished growing up with you...and whoever my father was...things would’ve been any different. If I would’ve been any different._

“Is there...any way to know?”

He sighed and continued to sit, aware of the static filling his brain. Probably not, huh. He grinded his teeth. _Does it really matter in the end? I keep asking myself that, but this pain in my chest tells me otherwise--_

He felt a hand on his shoulder.

Lloyd turned his head to see Colette at his side, Zelos on his other. The hand belonged to the former. “You okay, bud?” Zelos said. The words were colloquial, but his tone felt a little more heavy handed.

“Ah,” Lloyd started, and he had to swallow hard to keep his voice from breaking. “I think so. Yeah.”

Colette offered her hand to him to stand up, and he took it, looking between his two friends. _Does it matter? I don’t know. But...things work out in the end, don’t they?_

“If I knew were were coming here to be all weepy, I wouldn’t have been such an ass about it,” Zelos remarked.

Lloyd found himself chuckling. “Maybe you could work on toning it down a little all the time, yeah?”

“Hey--” Zelos jabbed playfully at his shoulder, then pulled him into a hug, shoving his face into his mane of brilliant red hair. It was vaguely fragrant, and quite soft for its length. He felt another pair of arms join them, accompanied by a light giggle. Sandwiched between Zelos and Colette, he felt another rush of emotion rise in his chest. _Yeah, if it weren’t for...all of this, I wouldn’t have met these two. I’m pretty damn lucky._

When Lloyd finally broke free, Colette laced her hand with his. “Genis called, he said that everyone’s waiting for us in town,” she said, swinging their linked hands.

“Did he tell everyone we were coming, or what?” Lloyd asked.

“Maybe we’re just that popular,” Zelos suggested. His arm was still around Lloyd’s shoulder, but as he spoke, it worked its way down his arm to also hold Lloyd’s hand, albeit with only his palm and a looser grip. It was almost tentative, despite Zelos’ flamboyance. “After all, no one has met the fantastic Zelos Wilder yet. They’ll be falling all over themselves--”

“All right, all right--!” Lloyd exclaimed, inadvertently squeezing his hand. Zelos grinned madly, and winked at Colette.

“Should we get going?” she asked, cheeks flush.

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

The trio walked back up the path they came, although it felt even more claustrophobic walking three across. They were shoulder to shoulder, and Lloyd felt a light-headed giddiness rise up through him, as if he were walking in an atmosphere with lower gravitational pull.

Colette’s voice lilted with a familiar feeling. “Mom and Dad said they were going to cook up a pot roast for us tonight!” she said. “I think Raine and Genis will be over for dinner, too. Maybe even Sheena! I can’t remember if I told her we were going to be in Iselia though…”

“You could call her now, or text her,” Lloyd said.

“Yeah, maybe when we get in town.” She took a half pace ahead to talk to Zelos. “Oh, Zelos, you’ll get to see where we went to school and everything too! Maybe we’ll have a bonfire tonight in the field!”

“Sounds cool,” Zelos replied. Although he sounded distant, Lloyd looked up to a warm, dreamy look, instead of cool disinterest. He caught Lloyd out of the corner of his eye and bit his lip, but his cheeks and eyes gave him away.

“What?” Lloyd asked as they neared the end of the path.

Zelos shook his head. “Ah, nothin’,” he said, facing forward. His eyes widened. “Ah, shit--”

There was someone else parked right behind Lloyd’s truck. The door of it slammed and a tall man with dark red hair emerged from the modest sedan. Upon seeing him, Zelos’ hand slipped from Lloyd’s with a jerk, but he still stayed close. “Isn’t that…” Colette started, still linked to him.

Lloyd squinted, then grinned. “Holy crap,” he exclaimed. “Professor Aurion!”

The teacher stopped dead in his tracks after he slammed the door, and immediately whipped his hands behind his back. “Lloyd,” he said. “What a coincidence seeing you here.” His voice was measured, as was most of his composure, but his eyes were darting everywhere, having difficulty focusing on the trio.

“Yeah!” Lloyd said. Zelos had fallen just behind them. “What brings you to Iselia, anyway?”

Aurion took his time answering. “It...is a quiet place. I enjoy...walking through the woods to clear my head on my off days.” He nodded to himself, satisfied with his answer, then addressed the group more coolly. “And as for you? It seems the three of you are inseperable nowadays.”

Colette giggled, but Lloyd was the one to answer. “Oh, Colette and I grew up here. Down along this path is where my...my mom is buried.” He sighed, the familiar melancholy threatening to blanket him. Colette looked up to him and squeezed his hand, while he felt another on his back--Zelos had drawn close again.

Aurion’s face twisted just enough to be noticed, but the expression was quickly resolved to its neutral state. “Your...mother?” he asked.

“Yeah, a car accident when I was just a kid,” Lloyd replied. “Gotta...wish her a happy mother’s day, you know?”

Aurion smiled faintly. “Yes. That’s...good of you.”

An uncomfortable silence settled between the group, complete with birds chirping and another car rushing past. Zelos sighed loudly, and broke it with a loud clap to Lloyd’s back. “So, don’t we have people waiting for us, or what?” he said.

“Oh, yeah! We were just heading out,” Colette said. She tugged on Lloyd’s hand and gave a sunny smile to Aurion, who still looked frozen in place. “Have a nice walk, Professor!”

“Y-yes,” he said, shuffling around the side of his car toward the path. “I will see you on Monday, Lloyd.”

“See you!” Lloyd said, finally letting go of Colette’s hand to fish for his keys in his pocket. The three made their way around to the truck and jumped in. Both Colette and Zelos kept their eyes out the window at Aurion, watching him walk down the path down to the river, as Lloyd started the engine.

“Was it just me,” Zelos said as he disappeared into the woods, “or was that a really weird, really awkward conversation?”

“Kinda,” Colette replied. “I mean, you don’t usually see your students outside of class. Maybe that’s why?”

Zelos wasn’t convinced. “How many people know about that little path down in? It’s just on the side of the main road, for Martel’s sake.” He sat back and crossed his arms.

“There are some ATV trails that link up further down river,” Lloyd said, pulling back into the road. “I’ve never seen him around town, either. Maybe he lives in Luin? That’s close enough…”

The trees around the side of the road began to clear, and after another sloping hill, a sign reading “Welcome To The Village of Iselia” in curly script marked the beginning of houses on the side of the road. “Yay! We’re here!” Colette exclaimed, face pressed against the window. She turned around to Zelos, who was still wearing a sour look. “We’ll show you everywhere around.”

He roused himself from his thoughts, then smiled at her. “I’m sure it’ll be a short trip,” he said, although without malice, and ruffled her hair. He leaned forward to Lloyd and put a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, about earlier…”

“Yeah?” Lloyd met his eyes in the rear view mirror.

Zelos hesitated, drumming his fingers against his shoulder, then shook his head. “Ah, it’s...it’s nothing. Just want to make sure you’re all right.”

“Oh.” _All right. A little vague,_ he thought as the houses became more frequent. His head flashed back to Colette and Zelos by each side, their hands in his, and he smirked to himself. “Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

* * *

 

Kratos Aurion stood in front of Anna Irving’s grave, teeth gritted, a fist full of roses in his hand. “Anna,” he murmured, his eyes swimming, his heart racing in his chest. Hands shaking, he dropped the roses beside the lupin at the headstone. “I can’t…”

He fell to his knees, staring at the grass and dirt around him. “He is alive. I n-never...never thought…”

He gasped, and placed a hand over his face. “I…

_I’m so sorry.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being so patient! I hope this was worth the wait. This work has gotten over 400 hits, and I'm so honored that people like and are reading this thing. Poor Lloyd, I imagine this doesn't really eat at him all the time, but when it does, it hits pretty hard. Also, yeah, Kratos! Before this, he might have had a suspicion, but Anna was DOA, so he probably assumed Lloyd had died as well. Zelos' "incident" I've fleshed out in the [meta blog](http://jumpertosau.tumblr.com), which you can go to for more things of that nature. At the end of the chapter, Zelos was probably going to apologize for flinching away from Lloyd's hand when Kratos showed up (it can be instinctual from personal experience, nothing like getting heckled for being gay!!), but it would've drawn attention to it, and I dunno if Zelos wants to admit his crush on either of them quite yet. 
> 
> Next chapter...one I didn't plan for! We're going to have a bonfire in Iselia with the gang!


	20. Bonfire

The center of Iselia was nothing more than a ring of houses surrounding a thinly paved roundabout with the only traffic light in town. Outside of that were simple dirt roads, some leading to other houses closer to the river, and others narrowing into ATV trails into the deep woods. As the sun set over the horizon, Lloyd, Colette, and Zelos wandered into the street, strolling casually into the only intersection.

“It’s so friggin’ quiet,” Zelos remarked, stretching his arms up. “It’s too quiet. This is the type of place where horror movies are filmed.”

Lloyd chuckled. “Nah, it’s pretty slow and tame here. At least since we’ve been alive.” Colette was sandwiched between the boys, and Lloyd gently covered her ears and whispered over her head. “You might hear some ghost stories tonight, though--”

“What? What are you doing?” Colette said, pulling his hands off her.

“Just giving Zelos and idea of what to expect,” he said, giving her a quick, one armed squeeze around her middle. “You know, about some of the haunted stuff?"

She shivered visibly. “Oh no, not again,” she said, frowning. "I'd rather not hear those stories again." They crested onto a dirt road that opened up to a field on both sides. On one side, toward the middle, there was an enormous tire iron, piled high with branches and what looked to be actual pieces of tire rubber. Several people were already gathered around it, including Genis, who waved and ran up to them as soon as they were in his line of sight.

“Hey, glad you could make it!” Genis shouted, grinning ear to ear.

“Well, as soon as my parents found out I was going to be around, we had to stay later,” Colette said. She was smiling, but her eyes were downcast. “Nothing like having a big dinner just for Mom to say ‘aren’t you getting fat? When are you going to get married?’” She sighed deeply.

“I personally enjoyed your dad glaring at me the whole time,” Zelos commented, although with a sly grin pasted on his face. “I’m usually the one who corrupts pretty, innocent girls, so--”

Lloyd coughed loudly, elbowing him in the side as he did so. “Hey, I don’t think you guys have met,” he said, still sputtering. “Genis, this is Zelos Wilder. Zelos, this is Genis Sage, Raine’s kid brother, and friend of ours growing up.”

Zelos squinted at him, lip curling. “You’re friends with this shrimp?” he said.

Colette took a step back, hugging her arms and looking away from the scene that was certain to spark. “Hey, I’m no shrimp! I'm almost as tall as you are!” Genis insisted, despite having to stand on his toes to stand eye to eye with Zelos’ tall, lanky figure. “Like that matters anyway--I’m graduating valedictorian, top of my class! Jeez, what’s your deal, anyway?”

“Well, lucky you,” Zelos said, sneering. “I bet you--”

Lloyd opened his mouth to speak, but it was Colette whose voice snapped through the air. _“Stop it,”_ she said, still facing away from them. Zelos’ froze dead in his tracks, caught like a deer in headlights. He gawked like a fish, eyes darting between Lloyd and Colette.

“You do this with every single person you meet,” Lloyd said, crossing his arms. “You really gotta work on that.”

“I--” he began, then his shoulders fell, and sighed. “Yeah. Sorry, bud,” he said to Genis, who just shook his head.

“Forget about it,” he replied, crossing his arms. As Genis watched Colette’s immobile figure, he tapped on Lloyd’s shoulder. “C’mon, Raine is almost done setting up the fire.” His eyes swung from the two back to Lloyd, and he jerked his head toward the fire.

Lloyd stared, perplexed, then realization hit him. “Oh. Yeah, okay,” he said, following behind Genis to the fire.

Zelos, in the meantime, approached Colette. “I’m sorry, honey,” he apologized, reaching out to place his hand on her shoulder. “I just--”

She shrugged it away, and finally turned to face him, pouting. Her resolve seemed less tenuous face to face. “It’s not…” she started, then sighed. “It’s not good for you to pick fights like that. It’s no wonder--” She stopped herself, biting her lip and staring wide eyed at the ground.

Zelos felt the sentiment like a dagger to the chest. “No wonder you don’t have any other friends?” he finished for her.

“N-no, that’s not what I...not what I meant,” she stammered. Her eyes started to water, full pools like a deep ocean. “I just mean...when you attack people like th-that, it makes them not bother to get close to you...”

Zelos bent down to look at her eye to eye, and gently placed a hand on her cheek. “Please don’t cry,” he whispered. She blinked and a single tear fell, and his thumb was there to catch it and wipe it away. “I’ll keep my mouth shut if it’ll stop the waterworks.”

She shook her head. “That’s not it either,” she said. “Not everyone’s out to get you.”

The sentence hung in the air, and Zelos froze in place for a moment. He withdrew his hand shakily and stood up, staring out at where the others were. There was a commotion coming from the fire pit, involving a lot of laughter. Zelos could pick Lloyd’s out from the crowd, and it rang in his ears. “You think so?” he said absently, running a hand through his hair.

Colette smiled and nodded firmly. “Absolutely,” she affirmed.

He glanced back down at her, beaming back at him like a ray of sunshine, swaying on her feet. “You’re something,” was all he could manage to say, feeling his heart rise in his chest.

She giggled. “I-I guess,” she replied. “Let’s get back to the others. Just...please remember what I said.”

_If it’ll mean that you’ll_

_(stick around)_

_keep smiling, I’ll do just about anything,_ Zelos thought. “Sure,” he replied, starting to walk out toward the rest of the group. “Say, this is gonna be some kind of campfire thing, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think we can get Lloyd to play guitar for us?”

“Ooh!” Colette exclaimed, clapping her hands together. “Maybe! I’m sure Dirk will bring his guitar by.”

When they reached everyone else, the fire in the tire iron was roaring. Genis and Lloyd were there, as well as Raine, chatting around the fire.

“That is so curious,” Raine was saying, arms crossed and lips pursed. She was wearing jeans and a pullover, a much different look from her usual professor’s attire.

“Yeah, it was really weird,” Lloyd replied, glancing back as Colette and Zelos approached. He gave them a toothy grin, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes, as apprehension still lingered. “Everything okay, guys?”

“Yup!” Colette chirped, and waved to Raine. “Hi, Raine!” It took Zelos a moment to address her, as his attention was still captured by bright Colette and her bouncy persona, but he did give her a one fingered salute.

Raine nodded. “Hey there.” She was still distracted. “Lloyd was telling me you guys had a visitor going down to the river.”

“Oh yeah, Professor Aurion!” Colette said. “I mean, it is nice down around there, and there are a couple trails around for quiet nature walks. He must get stressed from work a lot…”

Raine was deep in thought, a hand over her mouth, and Genis caught it. “Raine?” he asked, nudging her. “What’s up?”

“Hm?” She shook her said. “Nothing. I’ll have another word with him.” She clapped her hand together. “C’mon, let sit down. These marshmallows aren’t going to roast themselves.”

“Oh, marshmallows!” Colette squealed, immediately wandering around in search of the bag. There were huge logs on all sides serving as benches around the fire, easily sitting four at a time. Raine and Genis seated themselves on one, and she waved the bag in Colette’s direction. She immediately grasped for it, as well as a couple long, metal forks that were also seated beside Raine. “Here!” She gave two forks to Lloyd and Zelos, who were already sitting on the log next to them.

“Thanks, angel,” Zelos said, winking at her. “Do we get any marshmallows, or are those all for you?”

“Just a minute, I have to set up my stick--” She carefully pronged three pudgy marshmallows on to the end, nearly fusing together, then waved her hand between the boys. With their spread legged posture, they were almost knee to knee. “Can I sit in the middle?”

“Sure,” Lloyd replied, scooting over.

On the other hand, Zelos didn’t budge, forcing her to squeeze between the two. As she wiggled in, she giggled with the marshmallows balanced on her lap. Lloyd automatically slid an arm around her waist--a simple presence without any intention behind it--and Zelos leaned against her. One of his arms propped himself up on the log seat right behind Colette, and the other dove for a marshmallow. He popped it in his mouth, then went for another, holding it out in front of him. “Yo, Lloyd,” he said, and tossed it gently at him.

“Shit!” Lloyd exclaimed, flicking out his tongue. He just barely caught the golf ball sized confection in his mouth, a yelp of surprise bouncing from his throat.

“Nice catch!” Colette said, already holding out her roasting stick. Both of the boys presence was close, and their warmth felt even greater than the fire before them.

“Wanna try?” Zelos asked, a sly look creeping on his lips. “Or would you rather me just feed you one~?”

Colette rolled her eyes, but her tone was still fond. “Nah, I want mine gooey and toasted,” she replied. Zelos puffed out his cheeks. Didn’t take the bait, huh, he thought.

As the others were engrossed in themselves, Raine cleared her throat. The trio all glanced up at the same time to the watchful eyes of the two siblings. “So,” Raine said. “What have you guys been up to lately? Seems like I see you three together after class all the time.”

“Not...too much, actually,” Lloyd replied, reaching for his own first marshmallow. “We usually just hang out at our place or Zelos’, go for rides, watch movies, stuff like that.” He shrugged. “Just simple stuff.”

She nodded, tucking a flyaway behind her ear. “Have you talked to your dad about classes yet?”

“Uh--” Lloyd started, fidgeting his toes inside his boots.

“Colette, quit hogging the marshmallows!” Genis interjected, making a grabby gesture with his fingers. Lloyd sighed in relief, biting his cheek and keeping his eyes off Raine.

“Oh, sorry!” Colette replied, and passed the bag over through Lloyd. She relaxed back into her position, but it wasn’t long before she jumped again. “Shoot!” she exclaimed, and yanked the stick out of the fire. Her marshmallows were charred black, sizzling, and one of them was ready to fall off the stick.

Zelos held his hand out to catch it just in time, and bounced it from one hand to the other. “Yeow! Not bad,” he said, and offered it out to her.

“No, I ruined it--!” she pouted, shoulders drooping. “I usually like them just toasty, not all burnt.”

“Aw, c’mon!” Zelos insisted, waving it in front of her face. “They’re crunchy on the outside and gooey on the inside, what’s better than that?” He booped her nose with it, leaving a few specks of charcoal behind. “C’mon, try it.”

“Yeah, you might like it,” Lloyd encouraged, patting her back.

“Lloyd,” Raine said. Her voice was firm. "Did you?"

Genis cringed and crossed his arms."Raine, don't go into professor mode, please..."

"What? It's just a question--"

"One that's making everyone uncomfortable."

Lloyd's eyes were still downcast, shuffling his feet in the dirt, as Colette's smile had faded even when Zelos was trying to distract her with the burnt marshmallow. Finally, Lloyd sighed. "No, not yet. I will, though."

"Better sooner than later," Raine said. "I'm sorry for badgering you."

"Don't worry about it." The sentiment was flat, half-hearted. He felt Zelos' arm bump up against his back, and when he looked over to him, he was met with direct eye contact. _You okay?_ his eyes seemed to say.

Lloyd dismissed it with an imperceptible shake of his head. _Yeah. No big deal._

Zelos watched him for a second longer, then nudged the marshmallow back to Colette. "All right, angel, open up."

"Hm?" Colette shook her head, then huffed. "Oh, fine." She opened her mouth to have Zelos slip the marshmallow between her lips with his thin, pale fingers. After a few chews, she shrugged. "Okay, so it's not that bad. I just don't like the burnt taste..."

"I just can't win you over, can I?" Zelos teased. He plucked another blackened marshmallow off the stick and waved it over at Lloyd. “C’mon, bud, you’d eat burnt marshmallow off my hand, wouldn’t you, Lloyd?”

“Oy,” he scoffed as he snatched the confection from Zelos’ hand, giving him a stern look as he ate it.

“I dunno if that’s an answer,” Zelos said, fluffing his hair and fluttering his eyelashes.

“Seriously?” Lloyd was starting to squirm, avoiding direct eye contact with Zelos. Colette nudged against him, grinning as she poked another set of marshmallows on her stick. Lloyd puffed out his cheeks, side eyeing her as he settled back into his seat.

“Hey, guys!”

The trio turned to Sheena appearing behind them, grinning with what appeared to be a giant rubber tire under her arm. “Sorry I’m late, just some...trouble at work.”

“Sheena!” Colette squealed. She jumped up and ran over to her, fumbling her marshmallow stick to Lloyd as she jumped to Sheena and squeezed her middle. The tire dropped from her arm as she returned the embrace, out of breath. “Yay, I’m glad you could make it!”

Sheena laughed, beaming. “You too, cutie,” she said, before breaking the hug and addressing the others. “Yo, Lloyd! And Zelos.”

“Hey!” Lloyd chirped with a toothy smile.

“What, no ‘cutie’ for me?” Zelos complained playfully, but still saluted her in greeting.

“Can it,” Sheena retorted, shaking her head.

Colette returned to her seat between the boys, where she was greeting with Zelos’ lips close to her ear. “Guess you must really be the cutest one here,” he whispered, accompanied by a throaty chuckle.

“A-ah…!” Colette fidgeted with her hands in her lap.

“How’s everything been going at the shop?” Raine asked, patting the seat beside her.

“O-okay, for the most part.” Her smile faded, hesitating before sitting down. Her focus readjusted to the discarded tire. “Ah, guess you won’t need this anymore, huh?”

“What’s it even for?” Zelos asked. “Are we doing some weird tire racing or some shit?” Beside him, Lloyd quietly withdrew Colette’s marshmallow stick and gave it back to her--the treats were a perfect, golden brown. She held back a squeak of delight.

“For the fire, duh,” Genis replied, twirling his own marshmallow stick in the fire. “It’s a quick firestarter, makes the flames go really high, and burns forever.”

“You were one of those pyro kids growing up, weren’t you?” Zelos mumbled, blowing a stray lock of hair away from his face.

“What was that?”

“Remember that time,” Lloyd said, mouth full of marshmallow, “when you tried to build a flamethrower out of a squirt gun and lighter fluid from Dad’s garage?”

Raine raised an eyebrow. “You _what?”_ she said, slowly turning on Genis with wide eyes.

“Hey, that was forever ago--!” he insisted, in response to thinly veiled giggling from both Colette and Sheena. “And it almost worked, too…”

Genis trailed off, and the rest of the crew settled into silence, save for the crackling of the bonfire before them. Zelos looked to and fro, from the dusky sky above them, to Lloyd and Colette preoccupied with eating marshmallows together. Smoke drifted into his nostrils, wrinkling his nose. _So this is the true Iselia experience, huh? He sighed. Still pretty fuckin’ boring._

His arm was still propped up behind Lloyd, and as he shifted his weight, he could feel Lloyd lean up against it. Whether it was intentional or not, he couldn’t tell--Zelos’ eyes darted over to him, and his attention was still largely focused on stuffing more marshmallows into his face.

_(Would he ever even go for you? Really? Stop acting like you’re in high school.)_

The thought intruded like frost through Zelos’ brain, and he shook his head in an attempt to ignore it. _You know what? I don’t care. I don’t have to fuck someone to be close to them._

_(you keep telling yourself that)_

Beside him, Colette absently leaned her head on his shoulder. His breath caught in his throat. Ah. He bumped his own head against hers, and she glanced up, barely holding back a smile. _Yeah, I will keep telling myself that._

He winked at her, then cleared his throat loudly, rousing the attention of the group. “So, are we going to tell ghost stories or something? That’s what you do around the campfire, right?” He weaved a little in his seat. “Sing songs, play truth or dare, something like that?”

“I just kinda want to chill,” Lloyd said, leaning forward, hands clasped between his legs. “Kinda sick of the spooky stories, to be honest.”

“That’s only ‘cause you’ve heard ‘em all, lad.” A gravely voice crept from directly behind Lloyd, causing the entire group to start. Lloyd reacted worst of all, throwing his hands back and knocking Colette’s marshmallow stick into the dirt. “Dad!” he yelped.

Dirk crowed with laughter as he made his way between the group, setting down a large case as he did so. “I saw the fire all the way from my cottage, so I thought you might be around.”

“So you’re saying that there _are_ creepy ghost stories about this place,” Zelos said, craning his neck around to Dirk.

Dirk only side eyed him--Colette was still heavily squished between the two boys. “Aye,” he said. He pointed out onto the horizon, where one could barely make out a fortress of some kind, crumbling at its top most layer. “See that over there? Years and years ago, that used to be a human ranch.”

“A _what.”_ Zelos deadpanned.

“An institute for slave labor,” Raine followed up. The fire flickered in her gray eyes, and her voice was level and to the point. “It started out as a prison, but the former Desian army started picking people out from the village, one by one. Random, innocent people, kidnapped from their homes, thrown into the prison and tortured for experimentation.”

“Back when Sylverant was overrun and oppressed by the Desians, looking to ‘purify the human race’ by eugenics,” Genis said. His lip curled. “Terrible…”

 _I kind of remember this in history class,_ Zelos thought, _Sylvarant history wasn’t very prominent though._ “Okay, but that was like a hundred years ago, right? Something like that?” he said. “Why is it still there?”

“No one knows,” Sheena said, her tone strangely deep and ominous. “All of them were torn down after the fall of the empire, except for this one.”

“Granted, many people tried,” Dirk said, crossing his arms. “Some say the village was so thinned out by that point, that it didn’t matter. My grandfather told stories of demolition crews going over to tear it down, and no one in town ever saw them again. The road over to there is nearly overgrown, you can only get there by quads.” He paused, letting a hush creep over the group. “Some say it’s haunted by the tortured souls of the dead.”

Zelos snorted, but he was alone in doing so. “Really? Sounds like horseshit to me, if you’ll pardon the expression.”

“I don’t know,” Colette said quietly, shuffling her feet in the dirt. “Lloyd, do you remember that time we rode down there?”

“Oh yeah,” he replied, nodding. “We rode down together during the summer. We went down at like dusk, after the sun had gone down a bit since it was so humid that day. We went down through the trail, and--”

“I made you stop so far before it ended, I remember,” Colette interrupted, gently pushing his shoulder. “I was afraid the quad was going to break down or something…”

“Yeah, anyway, we walked the rest of the way, and down there--” Lloyd began talking almost exclusively toward Zelos, leaning forward so he could see him. “It’s mostly rubble, y’know, but you can see it from here, a lot of it’s still standing. It’s all overgrown with roots and trees now. But...it was really windy. And cold.”

“I got the shakes because I was getting sweaty, that’s how cool it suddenly was,” Colette added. She seemed to shrink further and further into her seat as she spoke, voice quivering. “And then, then we heard wolves…”

“We think they were wolves, that’s kind of what it sounded like,” Lloyd said, swallowing. “But it was...raspier, almost. It sounded more like screaming.”

Colette whined, hugging her arms. “It was scary. I don’t ever want to go back again.”

Zelos eyes were widened, and a chill went down his spine. “Martel,” he muttered. He reached around to rub her back, but found that Lloyd had the same idea, and he resorted to an arm around her waist to avoid collision.

“I remember that too,” Genis said. “I wanted to go too, but Raine wouldn’t let me.”

“No, because I had a similar experience doing fieldwork down there,” Raine said, focused on the fire. “It’s not safe over there, regardless of...of anything else.”

“You _still_ don’t believe there’s creepy things down there, even after all that?” Sheena asked incredulously.

“I believe it can be explained through other means,” Raine said matter-of-factly, crossing her arms. “I’m just...not sure how.”

“You’re just scared,” Genis teased.

Raine opened her mouth to retort, but then sighed, shaking her head. “Sure, Genis. Maybe I am.”

“You would be too, bud,” Lloyd said, shaking his head. “Have you ever heard a wolf howl that close?”

_Aroooo..._

The distant resonance of a howl stopped everyone dead in their tracks, frozen right to their seats. Zelos tensed his hold on Colette, while Genis slinked back into the crook of Raine’s arm. “W-what was that?” Genis asked shakily, his voice cracking to pre-pubescent levels.

“That _was_ a wolf,” Dirk said, the most collected of them all. “Speak of the devil himself.”

“A little too convenient, if you ask me,” Sheena remarked, crossing her legs. “I’m starting to remember why I made you guys come to my house more than coming to yours…”

Colette snickered, but it was laced with anxiety. Zelos cocked his head to her. “You okay, sunshine?” he asked quietly.

“Mmhmm.” She spoke quickly, as all eyes had rolled over to her, and she vainly smiled to him, then the group, picking up her marshmallow stick and twirling it between her hands. However, her back still felt tense against Zelos’ hand.

Dirk clapped his hands together, shaking the group once more. “Why don’t we loosen things up before you all run home scared, eh?” he said, voice booming a little more than before. He picked up the case and flipped the latches open, revealing a well worn acoustic guitar. Scuff marks were all along its body. He yanked it out and patted Lloyd on the shoulder. “I brought your guitar, lad.”

“Oh, it’s been a while!” Sheena said, at the edge of her seat.

“D-do I have to?” Lloyd asked, still taking the guitar in his lap. His hands naturally gravitated toward their proper position, although he seemed to hide himself with it more than anything else.

Zelos' heart skipped in his chest. _About time...!_ “I’ve been waiting to hear you play,” Zelos said, hair falling forward as he looked to Lloyd. _Play it cool, play it cool._ “One song won’t hurt, yeah?”

“Please, Lloyd?” Colette pleaded, her eyes wide with a very small pout.

“Well…” He looked between Zelos and Colette, equally pleading, then to the others, looking on with a lesser degree of excitement. “Oh, all right. I can play just one.”

“All right!” Zelos clenched his fist in victory.

“Yay!” Colette cheered, and held her hand up over to Zelos. They high fived, grinning madly at each other.

“You guys have to give me some space though, you’re crowding me a bit here,” Lloyd said, bumping his hip against Colette.

The pair scooted over, but even when Zelos was at the very edge of the log, Colette was still nearly on his lap. She looked up to him, tense and keeping a distance, but Zelos gently took her by the shoulders and leaned her back into him, despite the curious onlookers. _It’s like I’m some kind of intruder,_ Zelos thought, quickly surveying the group. Raine appeared curious, but neutral; Genis’ brow was furrowed at them, and Zelos could feel the heat coming from Dirk behind them. _I guess everyone’s been rooting for these two to shack up too._ He drummed his fingers against her shoulders, and she settled in a little more comfortably. _I’m supposed to be the third wheel._

Lloyd, in the meantime, was tuning the strings, and played a couple chords by themselves. “I-I guess it’s good,” he mumbled under his breath, then looked over to Zelos and Colette. The former widened his eyes briefly: _“Go on, we’re waiting.”_ He bit his lip, then took a deep breath.

Lloyd played a small riff on the lowest string, before tapping the body and opening up the night into a wash of sound. He started off by simple strumming, before breaking out into finger picking the strings in a flurry of arpeggios. As he settled into his own music, he closed his eyes, and began to sing:

 _“My friend drove off the other day,_   
_Now he’s gone, and all they say is_   
_‘You gotta live while life goes on’._   
_Now I see I’m mortal too,_   
_I can’t live my life like you,_   
_Gotta live it up while life goes on.”_

Lloyd’s voice was smooth and melodic--no where near professional, but pleasant enough to capture the attention of everyone around the fire. He shook at the beginning, but the more he played, the more the world around him seemed to melt away, with only the music left in its place. Colette stretched her neck up to Zelos--she was beaming, and he found himself grinning too, completely engulfed in Lloyd’s easy tenor.

He broke into a make-shift guitar solo--chords broken up by plucking of the higher strings--and his brow furrowed in concentration. His immersion broke, as he glanced up to Zelos and Colette watching him, and he immediately bowed his head down to hide his smile. _He’s so honest,_ Zelos thought as Lloyd recomposed himself, playing a couple harmonics before sliding his hand down the neck to resume playing more chunky chords. _Everything about him is honest, he never has anything to hide._

_Must be nice, huh?_

He played the beginning riff again, his voice dropping to a lower octave:

 _“Gotta make a plan, gotta do what’s right,_   
_Can’t run around in circles if you wanna build a life._   
_But I don’t wanna make a plan for a day far away,_   
_While I’m young and while I’m able all I wanna do is…”_

He ended on a single note, and let it ring throughout the campfire.

Colette almost immediately burst into excited applause, rising up from Zelos’ lap. “Yay! That was so good, Lloyd!” she squealed, jumping up and hugging him, even with his guitar still in his lap.

“Whoa, easy!” Lloyd exclaimed, fumbling the guitar so he could embrace her as best as he could. The rest of the group followed suit, cheering and clapping for the performance. Sheena whistled through her fingers, while Dirk clapped him hard on the shoulder.

As the commotion died down, Lloyd set the guitar back in the case and plopped down between Colette and Zelos. The latter nudged him with his elbow. “That wasn’t so bad was it?” Zelos said. “You sounded good.”

“Thanks,” Lloyd replied. “I haven’t played in forever…”

“I’m surprised you didn’t do more music even in high school,” Raine said.

“Well, I’m not that good,” he insisted, scratching the back of his neck. “I only know a few songs, and I can’t read sheet music. It’s just a hobby, y’know?”

“You still sound really good,” Colette said, patting his thigh. “Maybe you can bring the guitar with us when we go?”

Lloyd chuckled. “Maybe.”

The fire had died down significantly, now only a small flame in a bed of red hot coals. Raine eyed her watch. “It’s getting late,” she said. “You three have about an hour drive ahead of you, right?”

“Yeah, and we gotta drop Zelos off too,” Lloyd replied. He glanced over at him. “You aren’t staying the night again, are you?”

“Only if you say 'please'~,” he replied, batting his eyelashes again, then waved his hand. “Nah, I’ll head back home. I’ve got some things to take care of anyway.”

“You having things to do? That sounds unusual,” Lloyd said, standing up and brushing off his jeans.

“Why don’t you come over tomorrow or the day after to see?” Zelos said, rising as well and offering a hand to Colette. “You and this ray of sunshine can both come over.”

“Okay!” Colette said as she took his hand and jumped up. “I can drive home if you want, Lloyd.”

“Sure thing,” he said.

“You folks can head on out,” Dirk said, stepping closer to the fire. Raine, Genis, and Sheena were already on their feet. “I’ll take care of the fire from here.”

“Sounds good,” Raine said, then addressed the trio. “Well, you three have a safe trip home.” She turned to Sheena and patted her on the shoulder. “You too, Sheena.”

“Bye, guys!” Genis said, waving. “Stop by more often, yeah?”

“Will do!” Sheena said as she strolled over to Lloyd and the others. They began to walk out of the field and back toward the lonely center of town. “So, why don’t you guys invite me to sleep over anymore?”

“Well, you’re always busy at work, so…” Colette said anxiously, trailing off.

She chuckled. “Aw, it’s not a big deal, Col--”

“I invite myself over most of the time,” Zelos commented. “I don’t have too much else to do besides annoy these guys.” He put his hands behind both Lloyd and Colette’s backs.

“You don’t annoy us, Zelos!” Colette insisted.

“Speak for yourself,” Lloyd said, but it was accompanied by a wicked grin. “Nah, you’re not too bad.”

They reached the truck, parked haphazardly on the side of the road, and Sheena’s car had parked right in front of it. “Well, come see me sometime soon at the shop, okay? I’ve been doing a lot of overtime,” Sheena said, hitting her remote control to unlock her car.

“We’ll be there!” Colette said, waving. As Sheena got into her car, she poked Lloyd. “You have the keys, right?”

He fished them out of his pocket and dropped them in her hand. “Z, do you want to sit shotgun this time?”

 _Z. How long has it been since anyone has called me that?_  “Sure.” His voice stammered, but quickly smoothed out. “I’ll take what I can get.”

He looked up into the night sky, filled with stars, more stars than he had ever seen before, and sighed before he pulled the handle to the door. _Yeah, I’ll take what I can get._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 2/27/16: More mild edits to Genis.
> 
> Ta-da! I managed to fit all my ideas into this chapter! Zelos is really gay. The Iselia crew probably thinks, judging by how cozy Zelos is with the other two, this is going to devolve into a love triangle with Colette in the middle. We'll let them believe that for a little while. The song Lloyd's singing is "J.A.R. (Jason Andrew Revla)" by Green Day, I'll probably arrange an acoustic version of it and slap it up on the [meta blog](http://jumpertosau.tumblr.com) sometime later today. Lloyd's musicality is decent enough, but it's nothing he pursues, especially since he's a bit self conscious about it. Ah, can't think of too much more meta for right now--but next chapter, something we've all been waiting for: naked Zelos! (Kind of. Well, yes.) And we'll get to meet someone new who has been mentioned before! Thanks for reading!


	21. Siblings

As the cool evenings crescendoed into longer days and scaling temperatures, Lloyd found himself sweating as he reached Zelos' apartment building. _I guess it's still spring,_ he thought, ringing the buzzer in the lobby, _but the sun seems to think otherwise..._

He heard the click of the intercom picking up first, although there was a minute pause. _"Welcome to the sex house,"_ the voice said, like a cheesy announcer on a low budget reality show.

Lloyd smacked his forehead. "Zelos..."

There was laughter on the other end. "C'mon up, door's unlocked."

The buzzer sounded, and Lloyd leaped for the door, embracing the rush of cold air that flooded the main lobby. At the front desk, Alicia, looking much cooler than he, waved as Lloyd made his way to the elevator. "AC is nice, huh? It's hot out there," he said. "Colette should be here anytime too."

"Okay, I can buzz her in," she replied, writing a note among her papers.

The elevator came swiftly, and when Lloyd made it to the end of the hall, Zelos' door was slightly ajar. He knocked twice before walking through, closing it behind him. "You should close your door, someone's going to rob you one day," he called, sliding off his shoes at the door. Immediately around him, however, the floor was wet in patches. _What?_

"I'm doing fine too, thanks for asking!" Zelos yelled. Looking around, the man in question was nowhere to be found.

"Where are you?" Lloyd asked, slowly poking around the kitchen.

"I'm in the bathroom. Come on over."

"Why?" Lloyd still walked down the hall to the bathroom door, which was wide open.

Inside, he found his culprit--Zelos was lounging in the bathtub, up to his neck in bubbles, with a stereo radio precariously balanced on the side of the tub. The smell of soap and lavender made it difficult to breath normally. His hair was piled messily on top of his head, held together by a clip. "Hey. Wanna join?" he said lazily.

"Dude, no!" Lloyd exclaimed, crossing his arms.

"This bath is big enough for two, y'know," he said, spreading his arms out to demonstrate. "It's not that gay."

"Sure," Lloyd replied, an eyebrow raised. "You must have used a whole bottle of soap in this thing."

"I got these things called bath bombs, they fizz up in the water and make it look cool. Oh, and yeah, I had some dish soap that the cleaning lady left here too."

"I...don't think you're supposed to use dish soap in the bathtub. Just a guess."

"At least I'll be silky smooth," Zelos said, pawing for a razor on the other side of the tub. He propped a leg up against the tub and began shaving his calf. "Gotta look good for my big interview tomorrow."

"Interview? You didn't tell us you had an interview," Lloyd remarked, watching the razor push away the soap and reveal Zelos' pale leg.

"I wanted to surprise you guys. Oh shit!" he said, dropping the razor in the dense foam. "Go look in the spare room! I got something for you and Colette."

Lloyd raised an eyebrow, then slowly turned on his heel after Zelos shooed him away with one hand. _Things sure aren't ever dull here,_ he thought.

He walked to the end of the hall and opened the right side door, which was still overwhelmed with miscellany. Somehow, it seemed more cluttered than he remembered it. "Uh, what am I looking for?" he called.

"If you can't see it right away, you're in the wrong room."

 _Why does he need two extra rooms anyway? He lives alone..._ Lloyd tried the door across the hall, which opened easier to much more space. "Holy crap--"

In the middle of the room was an enormous, brand new bed, complete with head and foot-board. It almost consumed the entire room, fitted with a  white satin comforter, slippery to the touch. Lloyd walked around it and peered underneath the comforter, revealing deep red sheets beneath. They were plush to the touch.

“Well? What do you think?” Zelos called from the bathroom.

Lloyd immediately rushed back to his smug faced friend, still shaving his legs in the tub. “You bought a new bed?!” he asked incredulously.

“Now you and Colette can sleep over more often,” he replied. His tone was unfazed, only occasionally sneaking glances to Lloyd’s dumbfounded face. “I don’t have to bum around on your futon as much.”

“Mattresses are expensive though--”

“Seriously?” Zelos held his hands up, splashing soap suds as he gestured to the rest of the enormous bathroom.

 _Damn rich people--!_ Lloyd huffed. “There--there was only one bed in there…”

“Yeah? It’s a king size, you’ll barely even touch each other if you’re on either side.” Zelos leaned over the side of the tub. “Are you telling me you’ve never slept together before?”

“Martel, no!” Lloyd snapped, crossing his arms. “Well, like...we’ve slept in the same bed together, but not since we were kids.” He made a point not to meet Zelos’ eyes.

“No... _funny business,_ though.”

Zelos snorted long and loud, slapping the water. “Goddess, you’re a grown man, Lloyd! You can just say you haven’t fucked.”

He winced. “Don’t put it like that--”

Zelos tilted his head back and forth. “You’re right. She’s too sweet for that. You’d be surprised how kinky the cute ones--”

“What the hell is your problem?!” Lloyd burst out. _I should have seen this coming--!_ “Have you been fantasizing about her?”

“Have you?” Zelos flicked up soap bubbles at him, smugness dripping from his voice. _Bastard!_ “I mean, have you done anything with her?”

“You didn’t--ah...” Lloyd tilted his head back and forth. _He’s sneaky when he wants to be._ “Not...really, no.”

Zelos raised an eyebrow, and went back to checking his legs. “Not really? How does that go?”

“Well, I guess we’ve...we’ve kissed before,” Lloyd said reluctantly, fixated on his bony legs. “Y’know, it’s kind of weird that you’re shaving.”

“Hey, I like to feel pretty sometimes,” Zelos retorted, waving his razor at Lloyd. “It’s a holdover from when I was on the swim team. I like it. You’re changing the subject.” Lloyd shifted the weight on his feet, taking a step back from the tub. “So, you made it to first base?”

“I...guess?” Whatever that means. His mouth felt dry. “It was...after the senior dance, we drove down to the field and sat in my truck bed talking for a while.” _She was so giggly that night._   _And beautiful in that dress..._ “Then, we got quiet, and we…” He made a vague hand gesture and shrugged.

Zelos was not convinced. “Yeah? And?”

“We made out, that’s it.” Even as the images flipped through his mind with perfect clarity, right down to the shine of her sequined dress in starlight, the softness of her bare shoulders, the warmth of her lips--he found himself holding back in the humidity of his friend’s bathroom.

“That’s it?” Zelos stared up at him for a moment, then his cool eyes flicked away, knees dropping back into the soap. He tilted his head back and sighed, lips curled with something Lloyd couldn’t quite read. Was it amusement? Nostalgia? Envy? “Guess that’s--”

Knocking came from the living room. “That’s probably Colette,” Lloyd said, jumping to attention. He rushed to the door, humidity pricking at his neck, when he stopped short. “Listen, don’t get...too handsy around her, okay?”

“Well, I _am_ pretty handsy, if you're cute enough,” he said. He winked at him, and a flipbook of times Zelos absently touched himshuffled through Lloyd's mind. _Ah._ “Are you afraid I’m going to seduce her?”

“Well--”

“Or do you want the first chance?” He sat up, revealing his belly button and a thin trail of red hair covered in soap leading down to his crotch. “Or would you rather me seduce you~?”

“Come on!” Lloyd exclaimed, shrinking back, forcing his eyes up.

Zelos cackled and sunk back into the tub, arms perched on the edge. His head rested between his folded hands. “Listen, I like both of you too much. I’d--” He stopped himself, biting his lip and shaking his head. “I wouldn’t want to ruin what the two of you have, whatever you’re calling it. Honest.”

Lloyd nodded, hands in his pockets. “Thanks.” He shuffled, stuck between the door and the tub. Zelos was staring directly at him, and he felt almost as naked as his friend in the tub. _It’s weird when he’s sincere,_ he thought. _He jokes around so much, that when he flashes honesty, you don’t know whether to believe it or not._ A curl of hair fell from Zelos’ bun onto the side of his face, right next to his eye. He blew it away, only for it to come floating back. Lloyd smirked. _Still._ “Ah, I’m gonna--go let, ah, let Colette in.”

“Okay, lover boy,” Zelos replied, scooting forward to crank the volume on the radio. “I’ll be here. Show her the bed!”

“Yeah, yeah.” He shut the door behind him as he strolled back through the hallway, running a hand through his hair. _Lover boy._ Lloyd snorted to himself and shook his head. _Then again, what_ do _Colette and I have?_

_(“I don’t want to...mess anything up.”)_

_(“I wouldn’t want to ruin what the two of you have.”)_

_What is there to “mess up”?_

Lloyd opened the door absently, scratching the back of his head. “Hey, Col. Zelos is--”

“Um, excuse me?”

He looked up. Facing him was not the round faced, blonde haired girl he grew up with, but someone quite different. The woman in front of him had a thin, bony face, pale and spotted with freckles. Her hair was in a red bob and topped with a cream beret, just off to the side. She was clutching a purse in her arms, holding it like it was the only thing keeping her heeled shoes on the floor, and her gray blue eyes continually scanned behind Lloyd’s face. “O-oh, sorry,” Lloyd said. “Are you looking for someone?”

“This is seven-oh-five, right?” she asked, sneaking a peek at the door. “I thought...well, I’m looking for Zelos Wilder.”

Behind him, a warbly voice sung from the bathroom. _“And he’s watchin’ him with those eyes,”_ Zelos belted, just off key. _“And she’s lovin’ him with that body, I just know it--”_

“Yeah,” Lloyd drew out, leaning against the door frame. “This is his place.”

Her eyes were wide, and still looked behind Lloyd. “Is that him…? Singing…?”

“Yup.”

Her mouth gaped, then shut quickly. “Wow, I never--well, it’s just…” She danced with her words, one step forward, two steps back. “He was never like that before.” She finally, finally looked up at Lloyd, studying him. “Are you his…?”

The woman left the question hanging, and Lloyd cocked his head. When he didn’t respond, she nodded forward, implying something he clearly did not quite understand. “I’m his...friend?” Lloyd said finally. “Look, he’s in the bathroom, I can go get--”

“No!” she snapped, like a strangled dog. “No, please, don’t bother. If he won’t...if he won’t answer my calls, he certainly doesn’t want to see me.”

She looked down at the floor, and it was Lloyd’s turn to study her more closely. _Red hair, freckles, blue eyes. Same as his._ “If he doesn’t want to see you, then why did you come?”

She sighed heavily, clutching her purse even tighter against her chest. “I…” she began. “I wanted to make sure...he was okay. We’re still family, after all.”

“Family?”

“Oh--!” She shook her head, and seemed to compose herself, as if she were a car finally back on asphalt from back roads. “I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Seles Wilder, soon to be CEO of Meltokio Manufacturing, or MMI. I'm...Zelos' sister.”

She stuck her hand out, and they shared an awkward handshake, as Lloyd found himself gaping at her. _“You’re_ Zelos’ sister?” he repeated.

“Y-yeah, that’s me,” she replied, reverting back to her default discomfort. Her hands immediately went back to clutching her bag, head turned back down the hallway. “I’m sure he’s had some...choice words to say about me.”

 _“I wish that I had Jessie’s girl~!”_ Zelos could be heard botching the high note, reducing him to a coughing fit. “Hey, what’s taking you so long?!” he shouted nonetheless.

“Just a minute!” Lloyd replied. Hearing Zelos’ voice was causing Seles to fidget more, and she backed toward the other side of the hallway, whether she was aware of it or not. “Would it really be that bad to talk to him?”

“Yes.” Her response was emphatic and blunt. “Just--here, give him this.” She fished quickly through her purse and handed him a cream colored envelope with his name embossed in clean, black lettering. The paper was strangely soft to the touch. “There’s going to be a banquet honoring my...ascent to the position,” she said. “I would really...really appreciate if he would come. If it makes him feel better to bring you, or a date, or whatever, he can, but just--”

“Excuse me…” A timid voice warbled from beside her, as Colette stepped between Seles and Lloyd. She looked between them, mostly to Lloyd for answers.

“Hey, Colette,” Lloyd greeted with a sigh of relief. _Am I glad to see you._ She perked at the sound of his voice, even despite her frizzy hair and the first hints of dark circles under her  eyes. “Zelos is--”

_“Where can I find a woman like that--?”_

“--in the bathtub,” he finished, thumbing back into the apartment. “He’s feeling a little frisky.”

She giggled. “Okay, then.” Colette was almost in the door before her gaze returned to the other young woman, studying them intently. “Oh, sorry, are you one of Zelos’--?”

Seles shook her head. “No, no. Don’t mind me.” She started walking backward down the hall. “Just--give that to him, okay? And tell him to call me once in a while. And that…” She whipped her head behind her, then back to Lloyd and Colette. “That I’m sorry.”

“Hey, wait a sec--” Lloyd exclaimed, starting after her in the hallway. Seles had picked up her pace and was in a near run in her low heels, already to the other side where the stairs were. _What the hell...?_ He glanced between the envelope she has given him and the hallway. _Zelos said they had some kind of fight, didn't he? About this sort of thing..._

Behind him, he heard a door rattle open and a startled gasp. "Oh, h-hi, Zelos--!"

"Hey, cutie pie. Did Lloyd show you the new bed?"

"U-um, no, I just got in..."

Lloyd shook his head and headed back inside, closing the door behind him. In the apartment, he was greeted by a nearly naked Zelos (save for a purple towel around his hips) and a very flustered Colette. "Well, aren't you shy today," he said, pinching her very pink cheeks. "I suppose not many can handle my insurpassable beauty~."

He pulled his hair out of the clip to shake it free as Colette scurried into the kitchen, her mouth covered. Lloyd could spot the tops of her cheeks under her palm, her eyes dancing even from a distance. _Is that how I have to be? Flamboyant and charming?_ He turned the envelope between his hands. _Anyway, how am I--_

"Whatcha got there?" Zelos asked, suddenly right in front of him. "Some solicitor at the door? Took you two long enough. Unless you were whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears."

"No, it's..." Lloyd found the tease easy to ignore, Seles' anxious face still present in his mind. "Someone was looking for you."

"Me?" He shrugged and turned to catch up with Colette in the kitchen. "I haven't brought enough exes to this place to warrant something like--"

Lloyd hesitated. "It was...your sister."

Zelos stopped dead in his tracks. He froze in place, and from what Lloyd could tell, he stopped breathing. Colette jerked up from the sink, eyes wide. "What?" she asked.

"Seles Wilder. She dropped off this invitation," Lloyd continued, circling around to Zelos. When he faced him, his eyes were glazed over, faintly shivering. _Shit._ "Hey. It's okay. She already left."

"Why," he started. His voice shook, and he swallowed thick. One hand covered his mouth, while the other clenched at his side. "Why did...w-why did she come here?"

Colette rushed to his side, arms out to assure him, but hesitated at his mostly bare body. "What happened between you two?" she said. "Let's sit down."

He flinched away from her touch, and in his broken paralysis, began to pace around and into the living room. "She hates me. She hates me so much. She thinks I'm lazy and I--I--I'm self absorbed, I've never done anything, anything, _anything--"_

"C'mon, man--" Lloyd attempted, following him as he paced. Colette took a seat on the couch, fidgeting and desperately looking to him. He caught her eye briefly. _Don't look at me like I know what to do anymore than you do, please._ He bit his lip. _Whenever she looks at me like that, I want to have all the answers. And sometimes, I just don't._

"You don't get it, you don't get it!" Zelos continued, pulling at his hair. Miraculously, the towel stayed firmly tied around his hips. His eyes darted around the floor. "She was perfect, she still is perfect! She did everything my parents wanted, I was the problem child, I was the one who shouldn't have b-been--"

"That's enough!" Lloyd grabbed his wrist, but Zelos flinched away, free almost instantly. A fleeting glance, like a child guilty of throwing a tantrum, was shared, but nonetheless he wandered over to the couch and sat beside Colette. His head was bowed in his hands, still yanking at his loose, long hair. "Do you want to know what she said?"

 _"No!"_ Zelos barked, his voice escalating in panic. _"I don't care!_ I don't fucking care--"

"Z-Zelos, please..." Colette's voice rang fragile as glass, timid like a rabbit in the underbrush as she hastily tucked a string of hair behind her ear that didn't need to be adjusted. Her voice seemed to shake him, as he finally looked up, eyes glassy, and took her hand.

"A-are..." he began as Lloyd circled back around to them, taking a seat on the other side of Zelos. "Are you afraid of me?" His thumb etched circles on the top of her hand.

"What?" Colette said, her surprise genuine. "I-I'm worried, that's all--"

"You know I w-would never hurt you," he continued, staring straight at her. Lloyd leaned forward. What...? "I would never take advantage of you, or anything--"

"I...know," she said slowly. "You...already told me."

Confusion seemed to ground him. "I did?"

"You were drunk, but you did," she replied. She smiled weakly, returning the hold of his hand.

He chuckled, shaking his head. "Ah, shit..." Zelos rubbed his eyes, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat.

"Zelos," Lloyd said, scooting closer to him. He jerked his head up, eyes rimmed red around the edges--not quite crying, but almost. "She didn't seem...like she was mad at you when she came by."

He tensed at the mention of his sister again, hands clenched and jaw firm. Colette held his hand steady. His gaze shook, but he said nothing. Lloyd sighed and continued. "In fact, she seemed scared and nervous too."

Zelos scoffed. "Yeah, b-but I bet she didn't freak the fuck out. That's not her style."

"Guess not." Lloyd held the embossed envelope out in front of Zelos for him to see, then handed it over. "She left this for you."

He stared at it blankly for a moment, until Lloyd shook it a little for him. He gingerly took it between two fingers, before ripping open the end and letting the shred of paper fall to the floor. He swallowed and looked between his two friends, both intently watching. "I..." he started, shaking his head. "I d-don't want to...I'm gonna be fuckin' sick."

"You're okay, man," Lloyd said, his voice low and mellow. Tentative, he reached around and rubbed his back, tacky more from cold sweat than his bath. Zelos whipped his head to him with wide eyes, then nodded, a certain blankness hovering behind his gaze. _He's been through so much,_ Lloyd thought as Zelos pulled out the card from the envelope. _You know it's bad when something small like this turns into a meltdown._

The card enclosed was simple and embossed, like the envelope itself. "You are cordially invited to Meltokio Manufacturing's Annual Company Ball," Zelos read. Both Lloyd and Colette peered over his shoulder, and he settled into their closeness. "Debuting Seles Wilder, CEO." He sat back and sighed, the sound shivered in the air. "Martel, she really went for it, didn't she?" he muttered, tossing it on the coffee table in front of them.

Colette reached for it and read a little closer. "It's a few weeks from now," she said. "It says you can bring a guest as well."

"Who says I'm going?" he spat, hugging his arms. His lip curled in disgust, but it crumbled into anguish. "W-why does she even give a shit about me? Why fuckin' _bother?"_

"You're her brother," Lloyd said. "That's got to count for something."

"Yeah, some model I am," he hissed. "Fucked up queer brother who's got nothing to show for himself and no one who even cared if he was alive--"

"I care," Colette interjected, grasping for his hand again. She stared hard at him, making sure their eyes were locked before she spoke again. "Remember what I said? Don't be so hard on yourself."

The venom seeped out of his presence, and he slumped back onto the couch, forcing Lloyd to withdraw, and he tilted his head back. Inadvertently, his chest shuddered, and his eyes squeezed shut, lips spreading. "I hate this," he whimpered, tears rolling from his eyes. He paused before gasping for air. "I hate this so much--!"

Zelos continued to loll in his anguish, and Lloyd leaned forward to catch Colette's eye. His own chest felt tight, and judging by her twisted face, they spoke the same sentiment. _What can we do?_

The invitation was splayed open in front of them, and Lloyd saw something he hadn't noticed before. There was a note scrawled at the bottom in red ink, in sharp contrast to the cream and black that dominated the page.

All it said was, _"Please?_ ".

Beside him, Zelos started to openly sob, now hunched forward while Colette had her arms around him, her head on his shoulder. "Shh," she whispered into his hair. _What's it like, to have a sibling?_ Lloyd thought as he scooted closer to Zelos, putting an arm around his shoulder as well. Somehow, the additional presence made his sobbing worse. _Someone who's your family, but a little closer to your age. Someone who's always been around, you live with, you fight with, you conspire with,_

_someone you can protect and love._

"Zelos," Lloyd said quietly. "If you and Seles grew up together, then you two...went through the same stuff together, like what happened with your mom. I think...she understands you more than you give her credit for."

Zelos said nothing, but his weeping was starting to subside.

"She said she's been trying to call you--"

"Yeah," Zelos croaked. "I...know. I don't have the ringer on my phone...'cause of it..."

"She probably misses you," Colette said. "If she went through all this to find you and get a hold of you, she's...probably not mad at you anymore."

"You think so?" Zelos lifted his head up, blotchy and tear stained. He sniffed loudly and rubbed his face with his hand. "Guess it...makes sense. My stupid head...doesn't want to believe it. I still hear her screamin' a-at me." He sighed and stared up at the ceiling. "Damn, n-now how am I going to do this interview...?"

"Interview?" Colette asked, rubbing his back.

"Oh yeah, I'm going to your school to see if I can land a radio gig." Zelos smirked, the first since he came out of the bath. "It's tomorrow morning, but now--"

"Well, we can talk about this later," she said, nodding toward the invitation. "We have time, right?" She looked over to Lloyd.

"Yeah," he replied. "I really think you should go, though. You shouldn't...run away from this stuff anymore. We can come with you, even, if you want."

"You guys would?" Zelos said, looking to both of them. He appeared to suddenly realize they were both wrapped around him, and smiled big, reaching out and patting each of their closest thighs. "You would, wouldn't you?"

"Of course!" Colette said, beaming.

Zelos stared at the invitation for a moment before sighing. "I'll think about it," he said. "Later." He got up from the couch and stretched, his towel tenuously hanging onto his thin frame. He walked around the table, turning to walk backwards to face Lloyd and Colette as he wandered into the hallway. "In the meantime, I should-- _oh, shit!"_

At long last, the purple towel failed him, and it unceremoniously fell off his waist. With lightening reflexes, he caught it before it revealed anything too much, although his catch caused him to grasp his package as well as the towel. His face burned pink, freckles standing stark along his cheekbones. Lloyd and Colette both found themselves staring. _Is he...embarrassed?_ Zelos giggled and shuffled backwards. "I should put on some clothes," he finished, disappearing in the hallway.

As soon as he was gone, Colette burst into a fit of giggles. "What?" Lloyd asked.

"N-nothing!" she replied coyly, hiding her face. "He's...cute when he blushes like that though."

Lloyd scoffed

_(he kinda is)_

and shook his head. "I'm still worried about him," he said.

She nodded. "He's got a lot of baggage. I...honestly don't know how much we can help." She paused in thought. "He's a lot better though. This is his first real outburst since when we first met him."

"He doesn't have those nightmares anymore when he stays at our house, either."

"I could ask Raine for advice next time I'm in class." She yawned and shook her head vigorously. "She might know something. I honestly thought I'd be able to take a nap, I've been up since four in the morning since I had to get ready for a test--"

"Colette!" he exclaimed. "You shouldn't--"

"Hey! Lloyd! Show your girlfriend the bed!" Zelos' voice echoed out from the hallway, much clearer than before.

"Oh yeah," Lloyd said, scratching behind his neck. "Zelos got us a bed so we--why are you laughing now?"

Colette shook her head and mussed Lloyd's hair. "You're embarrassed now, too!" She stood up from the couch and pulled down her shirt over her jeans, sticking her tongue out at him before heading down the hall. "Where is it, Zelos?"

"It's in the spare room. It's big enough for two, three even!"

"Oh, Goddess--!"

Lloyd took his time standing up, keeping an eye on the invitation. _Seles Wilder,_ he thought, her face reappearing in his mind. _They do seem very different. But, judging by how she was when she was here...they're actually very similar._ He closed the invitation, but kept it out on the table before heading down the hall. _I know we've helped him a little bit so far. Maybe we can get him through this, too. Hell, I grabbed this guy off a bridge._

He reached the spare room, where Zelos (now in shorts and a loose shirt, hair out of his face with his headband) and Colette were lying out on the bed. "C'mon over!" Colette said, patting the space between them. "This bed is huge!"

"Yeah, you guys have to help me with material, I've need to get my sexy voice in check," Zelos said. His eyes were still red rimmed around the edges, telling of the breakdown from earlier. He cleared his throat. "I'm gonna need some water first though, my throat's raw from being a crybaby."

Lloyd leaned against the door frame. "We've all got shit to deal with, Z," he sighed. "Yours is just...a lot more intense than all of ours."

Zelos stared for a moment, then chuckled. "You've got that right," he said, and winked at him. "Now, why don't you come over and play?"

"All right." Lloyd sauntered over to the bed and hopped in between them. Honestly, he thought, Zelos' and Colette's voices becoming a haze among his own thoughts. _I think the three of us could get through just about anything._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No real meta today--so many parts of this comes from a lot of personal experience. I've had quite a few meltdowns like Zelos' before. I've had to reformat this two or three times, and it's late as of posting. Regardless, I hope this was worth the wait.  
> This concludes the "intermission"--things start coming together starting next chapter at Sheena's!


	22. Company

Wednesdays were always slow at the Fujibayashi Family Noodle Shop, and this one was no exception, as Sheena stared out blankly from the counter. Cars cruised past the window on the other side of the store.  _This is the worst lull_ ,  she thought, chin in her hand.  _Too late for lunch, too early for dinner. Maybe I can sneak out early for once tonight and not get caught by the dinner rush. If there is one._ She felt her ponytail sagging, and she tore her hair out of it, only to smooth it back and retie it again. 

“[Sheena, why don’t you have your hair down more?]” her brother asked in her native tongue. He bounced onto a stool in front of the register, allowing him to be eye level with her.

“[I like it better away from my face,]” she replied, snapping the hairband in place and fluffing the back, the texture soft against her palm. 

He frowned. “[You’d look prettier, though,]” he said, swivelling on the seat. “[Maybe you could get a boyfriend if you were girlier.]”

“Hey! [That’s rude, don’t you think?]” she snapped, folding her arms. “[Get back in the kitchen!]”

He jumped off the stool and scurried back behind the swinging door under the furious eye of his sister, but after he was out of sight, her anger dissipated through her puffed cheeks. _ Where the hell did he pick that up? He’s been spending too much time around my cousins. _ She returned to the counter, kicking the stool aside. _ Besides, what if I don’t want to have or be any of those? _ Her eyes flicked down to her overwhelming chest, and she poked at her cleavage with one finger. _Life would be so much easier if I were a boy. But then, I’d probably be an asshole, given my experience._

The door to the restaurant  flew open, flooding the small storefront with conversation and laughter. Sheena, back to the counter, cringed at the sound.  _Great. Probably some middle school kids coming in to wreck the place and not order anything._ She took a deep breath, and put on her best “Customer Service” branded smile as she spun forward. “Hey there, welcome--oh, hey guys--!” 

In clambered Lloyd, Colette, and Zelos, laughing amongst themselves and bringing their high energy through like a tidal wave. Lloyd, dressed in his standard plaid and a pair of cargo shorts, greeted her first. “Yo, Sheena!” he called, waving. “You got a minute?” 

“Oh, I want the booth seat!” Colette exclaimed, scrambling for the small booth at the corner of the store. Her collared, sleeveless top fluttered about her, a bra strap peeking out from one shoulder. 

“What if I want the booth seat?” Zelos challenged, hip checking her out of the way in his skinny jeans.  _How can guys wear those?_ Sheena thought as the two of them squirmed and fussed for the coveted booth.  _Where do you fit all of your...parts?_

“Why can’t we all fit?” Lloyd suggested, scooting into the booth, squishing both Zelos and Colette into the corner. 

“Ah, Lloyd!” Colette squealed, giggling madly. She looked up at Sheena, blue eyes glittering. “How much longer is your shift?” 

“Well, I’m supposed to stay for another hour,” she said, leaning back toward the kitchen. Shadows passed the window, eavesdropping. “What brings you over, anyway? What’s the occasion?” 

“Yours truly,” Zelos said, putting his arms around the booth, just above Lloyd and Colette’s shoulders. Each syllable he spoke was drawn for emphasis.  “Just got a job doing radio at Tethe’alla U.”

“Nice!” Sheena exclaimed, then tilted her head. “But why out of all people do  _you_ need a job?” 

“So the whole world can hear my sexy voice over the airwaves~,” he purred, fluttering his eyelashes. 

On either side of him, Lloyd and Colette rolled their eyes and snickered respectively. “Yeah, I’m sure plenty of people are going to hear you at friggin’ midnight on a Tuesday.”

“And Monday and Wednesday,” Zelos corrected.

“Hey, it’s still something!” Colette insisted, poking her head over and frowning. “Be nice!” 

“I’m just kidding!” Lloyd said, nudging Zelos. “Nah, it’s good. It’ll give you something to do when we’re not around.”

“Sheena!” Her brother poked out from the kitchen and surveyed the dining room. “[Are those your friends?]”

“Yeah,” she replied. “[Does Uncle need me?]”

“[He said you can clock out early if you want,]” he said, jerking his head back to the door. She could see the figure of her uncle, tall and serious, give her a nod through the single, circular window on the door. 

“[Thanks!]” she said, already ready to spring from behind the counter, but did a double take, spinning in place. “[Hey, what do you guys--]”

The trio realized they were being spoken to, but all of them had a look of confusion on their faces. Zelos’ was the most extreme, eying her as if she had grown another head  _(or another boob,_ she mused). 

She swallowed, her ears burning. “Sorry, do you guys want anything?” she asked again, flexing her hands behind the register where they couldn’t see.  _ Damn it, I hate doing that. Kids at school used to make fun of me when I slipped like that. Imagine if I had an accent like my older cousins…_

“Sure!” Lloyd replied, not missing a beat. “I want a pork ramen bowl!” 

“A shrimp noodle bowl, please,” Colette requested, sweet as could be. Sheena found herself smiling, her embarrassment subsiding.  _But, that’s right. These two didn’t care about that, did they?_

“Do you guys have just plain noodles?” Zelos asked, twirling his finger behind Colette’s shoulder. “Y’know, something with bean sprouts, or a simple thing--”

“Sure, we can do that.” Sheena quickly punched in the order on the register and hit the enter button on her keyboard. A receipt popped up in the order queue behind her, and as soon as the paper finished printing, she dashed out from behind the counter and grabbed a stool on the other side of Lloyd, Colette, and Zelos’ booth. 

“What about you?” Colette asked, “Aren’t you going to get anything?” 

“Nah, I practically just ate,” Sheena replied, waving a finger. “I don’t have lunch at the usual time, because that’s when everyone else is coming in.” She turned her attention to Zelos in the middle. “So, wanna tell me more about your little radio show?” 

“Oh, yeah.” A suaveness seeped back into his composure. “I get to host the midnight to two AM slot Monday through Wednesday at TU. 89.3 if you want to tune in.” He eased back in his seat. “Pretty simple gig, if you ask me. Just get to play through the CD collection they have, and talk at the air.”

“Uh-huh,” Sheena said. “So, what, did you have to audition or something?” 

“Yeah, I had a little, er, thing written up.” He seemed to withdraw, in an attempt to dismiss the question, his posture shrinking. “They were so impressed with me that-- _ ow!”  _

Lloyd had elbowed his side. “Tell her the  real  reason,” he said, barely hiding a devilish grin.

Zelos’ eyebrows scrunched up in a mocked look of pain. “Really? You’re going to be like that?” 

“If I can’t call you out, who will?” Lloyd retorted, nudging against him. 

Sheena looked on with amusement and curiosity.  _They sure have warmed up to this guy,_ she thought. She watched the playful glint in Lloyd’s eye, the way he almost was leaning against Zelos’ arm, and how the latter was playing along, all while Colette looked on in her corner.  _He’s almost tucked in the crook of his arm. Are they...flirting?_ _While Colette’s right there?_

“Okay, okay,” Zelos said, sighing. “They weren’t going to hire me because, well, I’m not a student, so they’d have to pay me. So, I just said, ‘just let me do it for free.’ Bang.” He snapped his fingers, on the arm beside Colette. 

“So...you bribed them?” Sheena asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No, it’s not like i’m  giving  them money to let me DJ,” he clarified. “Now _that_ would  be sad.” 

“I think you’ll be great!” Colette piped up, leaning up to Zelos. “You’ve got a bunch of stories to tell, and even if you don’t get a huge audience, you might get bumped to a better time slot if you’re good!”

“What stories? You mean my crippling emotional trauma?” 

“N-no!” Colette backtracked, staring down at the table. “Y-you’ve done a lot of things in the past that’s not like that--”

“I’m teasing you, sweetie,” Zelos assured, ruffling the top of Colette’s hair. “You’re a big encouragement. Unlike this guy.” He flicked the top of Lloyd’s head. 

“Hey! I encourage!” Lloyd insisted. 

“You do, you do.” Zelos winked at him, then glanced back to Sheena. “You went to school with these weirdos, right? Did you have to deal with them being shining beacons?” 

“Somewhat,” Sheena said, folding her arms with a smirk. “When I was in school with them, they were barely teens. They’ve changed a lot since then, but that hasn’t.”

Colette blushed, hiding her mouth with her hand. “Sheena--!” 

“Order up!” a voice echoed from the kitchen. The door swung open, and Sheena spotted her brother carrying the three noodle bowls in his arms, teetering precariously.

“Hey, hey! Careful!” She immediately jumped up and rescued two of them from his hands, barely avoiding broth from sloshing out on to the floor. She quickly carried them out to the table. “Okay, this one’s yours, Lloyd, and here’s Zelos’...”

“Looks good,” Zelos said, inhaling deep and withdrawing his arms from his friends. Sheena watched as the other two, consciously or not, edged a little closer to him in compensation.

Her brother passed off the remaining bowl before hurrying back to behind the counter, leaving her with a fist full of chopsticks and a single fork. “Here’s yours, Colette, and a fork for you.”

“Thank you!” she chirped.

Zelos peered over to her bowl. “You can’t use chopsticks?” he asked, breaking open a pair. 

She shook her head. “Not really. They either fall out of my hands or I spill noodles everywhere.”

“Maybe you just haven’t been taught well,” Zelos crooned, almost whispering in her ear. The gesture was distractingly intimate, making Sheena shift. “I’ve got you covered, honey~.” 

“Don’t even bother,” Lloyd said, through a mouthful of noodles. “I’ve tried, Sheena’s tried, it’s no use.”

“It’s fine, really,” Colette insisted, twirling a fork into her broth and blowing on the steaming cluster of noodles. 

“As long as you’re okay, my little angel,” he said, bumping her with his arm. 

The three chowed down into their bowls, leaving Sheena to stew among them.  _This is confusing at best,_ she thought, eyes flicking from one person to the next. _ I’d expect Zelos to be mercilessly flirty with Colette, but not as much to Lloyd, of all people. He seems to flirt with her more verbally, with him, it’s subtle. _ She stared at Zelos, flaming red hair swept back behind his shoulders.  _What are you up to? And what about--_

“Hey, Colette,” Lloyd said, interrupting her thoughts. “Do you want to go to Iselia with me this Sunday? Since Zelos will be at the studio training.” 

“Mmm! Yeah!” She paused. “Oh, but what time? I have to walk the shelter dogs in the morning.”

“Well, we can go after. No hurry.” He leaned forward and grinned. “I can even go with you.”

“No, it’s okay. Besides, I don’t think I’d be able to wake you up,” Colette said. “I leave at 6 in the morning.”

“Oh,” Lloyd faltered, then perked back. “I could try! I’ll set three alarms!”

She giggled. “No, don’t worry. When I get back, I’ll make pancakes for us!”

“Okay!” 

The two grinned at each other, only to be interrupted by Zelos in the middle. “You lovebirds better save me some pancakes too,” he said, crunching a bean sprout. “Unless you I’m not staying the night that night. TU is closer to your place than mine.”

“‘Course you can stay,” Lloyd said. “That’s why the futon’s there. And why it’s been out for like two months…”

“Aren’t you guys cozy?” Sheena interrupted, and they all looked up at her in unison. “Why don’t you three just all move in together and save yourself the trouble?”

Zelos chuckled. “You know, that’s not a bad idea,” he said. “You wouldn’t have to pay rent! I’ll be your sugar daddy~.” 

Sheena rolled her eyes.  _I was half joking…!_

“No, we can’t break contract now,” Colette said. “We’ve still got another four months on the lease…”

“Yeah, it’s not a good idea. Maybe once we get closer to when our contract’s up,” Lloyd echoed, tipping his bowl up and drinking the broth. 

“Well, you could at least get me keys to your place, so I don’t have to climb through the window when you aren’t home.”

Lloyd choked on his broth. “Dude! There’s a spare key taped to the bottom of the mailbox! Which window do you even come in anyway?”

“You know, the one right on the other side of the railing,” Zelos said casually. 

“So  that’s  why there are scuff marks on the siding,” Colette said, then began to fret. “You could get really hurt doing that!” 

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” he said, slurping up a noodle. “It’s a miracle--I thought I wouldn’t make it to my 25th birthday.”

“When  _is_ your birthday anyway? You’ve never mentioned it,” Colette asked.

“Oh, next week,” he replied. Zelos sat back, smug, as both of his friends exclaimed surprise at this new information. _ You bastard, _ Sheena thought. _ Just for the attention, huh? _

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Colette yelped. “We’ve got to plan something for you!”

“A party? For me?” Zelos’ grinned and drummed his fingers on the booth. “You don’t have to do that for little ol’ me~.” 

“Oh come, on…”

Lloyd and Colette bantered on either side of him, swapping ideas as Sheena looked on in awe.  _This is surreal,_ she thought. _ He’s got both of them wrapped around his finger, whether they realize it or not. I’m not sure I know what a crush feels like, but I sure know what one  _looks _like._

_ (“Lloyd, can I borrow your jacket?” _

_ “You didn’t bring your own?” He shrugged it off his shoulders and handed it to her. She scooped it up and it dwarfed her, but the look of glee on her face made up for its shoddy appearance.  _

_ “You have a higher body temperature than I do, you don’t need it as much,” she replied matter of factly. _

_ Lloyd chuckled and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Oh shoot, I left some books at your place. Can I come get them tonight?” _

_ “Sure. Do you want to stay over? I don’t think Mom will mind.” _

_ His eyes widened, cheeks flush. “Ah, sure. Just...ask her first, okay?” _

_ “Of course I will!” She bounced on her toes beside him. “You’ve done it a bunch before, we’ve got extra sheets and pillows. A sleepover!”  _

_ They both giggled, and stared at each other in silence for a moment…) _

Lloyd was leaning over Zelos to talk to Colette, the images in her mind overlaying with reality, although interrupted with Zelos perched in the middle.  _Nothing’s changed between Colette and Lloyd, it’s just as if Zelos is another piece. Is Zelos even into guys, or is he just...?_

At the moment, Zelos’ head was toward Lloyd, and not just watching him speak. _ Well, maybe. But he flirts with women all the time. _ She crossed her arms and her mouth turned down into a frown. _ And I know Lloyd isn’t. And yet...Lloyd isn’t even this touchy with Genis, and they’re best friends. I don’t...I don’t get it._

_ What the hell is going on? _

Zelos caught her eye in her intense scrutinization, and winked at her, as if he could read her mind, enthused by her confusion. Her lip curled.  _ Ugh! Does he even know? He has to! Martel. He can’t have both of them. What a player!_

“Oh, I know exactly what to get you!” Colette exclaimed, bouncing in her seat. 

Zelos’ attention was drawn back to his friends. “Oh yeah? What’s your plan?” he asked. He had completely finished his noodle bowl, and his arms resumed the back of the booth.

“I can’t, it’s a secret,” Colette said coyly, putting a finger to her lips. “Besides, if I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise!”

“Aw, c’mon!” Zelos leaned over to Lloyd. “Hey, tell your girlfriend over here to spill the beans.” 

“Don’t look at me, she hasn’t told me anything about anything,” Lloyd replied, scratching the back of his neck. His ears were pink.

Sheena perked at the mention of “girlfriend”, looking across the three of them.  _Even in high school, they weren’t official…!_ As her eyes reached Colette, they met, and she shook her head a little, sticking her tongue out. _ “He’s teasing,” _ she mouthed. She nodded slowly. 

“You okay, Sheena?” Lloyd asked.

“Huh?” She shook her head briskly. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You’re just quiet today,” he said, elbows on the table. “Anything new happening with you lately?”

“Oh, you know, same old, same old,” she said. “Just...working here, mostly.” She chuckled, but it was half-hearted.  _Is that as good as it’s going to get?_

“Aw, you should come out with us!” Colette said. “We can go see a movie together or something!”

“I still want to drag this guy out on the quads,” Sheena confronted, crossing her arms and staring directly at Zelos.

“Mayyybe someday,” he replied. “If you can find a way to trick me into it, be my guest.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Sheena said.  _Boy, do I want to wipe that stupid, smug look off your face._

Lloyd stretched and glanced down at everyone’s bowls. “Oh shoot, we gotta pay, don’t we?” he realized, digging in his pockets for his wallet.

“I got it,” Zelos said, already with his wallet out of his impossibly tight jeans. He fished out a large bill, and aimed to put it between Sheena’s cleavage. She snatched it out of his hand before it got there. 

“Zelos!” Colette snapped. 

“What? It’s right there. I bet you got all the boys with those knockers,” Zelos replied, eyes drawn down.

“Watch it, asshole,” Sheena seethed, then examined the bill, sliding out of her seat. “I’m guessing you want change?”

“Keep it.” He waved his hand at her. 

As Sheena walked to the register, the three continued to talk among themselves, mostly Lloyd and Zelos. “You don’t have to keep paying for us.” “I wish you’d shut up about that. It’s nothing.” “But--” “Ah, no ‘but’s. Unless it’s yours.”  _ “Zelos--” _

The register popped open, and she slipped the bill in and swapped out the change, putting it into a cup on the counter. _ Cozy indeed. _ “So, where are you guys headed, now?” 

“Back to our place,” Lloyd said, getting up and strolling to the counter, his companions following close behind. “Probably a slow night, Col and I both have class tomorrow.”

“And I have to practice for my big debut while I still have an audience,” Zelos interjected, fluffing his hair. 

“Well, you guys have fun,” Sheena said with a sigh. “I’d go with you, but I’m a little burnt out after working every other day this week.”

“We’ll come pick you up again!” Colette said, squeezing between the two boys. “We can de-stress together!”

Sheena chuckled. “Sure thing, cutie.” 

“See you around!” Lloyd said, waving as he led the way out the door. Colette followed close behind, trailed by Zelos at the rear, hands in his back pockets. 

Sheena waited until he was almost out the door before gritting her teeth. “Zelos,” she called.

He turned lazily, eyes flicking back to Lloyd and Colette, who were already out, before meandering back to the counter. “What’s up? Can’t get enough of me?” he flirted, cocking his head.

Sheena nearly growled. “Look, you realize they’re good people, right?” she said.

“Uh, yeah?” His tone dropped. “They saved my life, of course I do. What’s your point?”

“I…” She swallowed, trying to collect her thoughts. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but...don’t go playing games with them, all right? They’re my friends too.” Her voice dropped to a seething whisper. “And I’m not going to let you fuck them over because you like the attention so Goddess damn much.”

Zelos’ head tilted back, eyes wide for a moment as he processed this. Her heart was pumping, her toes curled inside her shoes.  _There. Take that._ After a second, though, he seemed to come back to himself. “Oh,” he said, snickering to himself. _ “Oh, _ I see. That’s what you’re worried about?”

He shook his head and fit a thumb under his headband, snapping it a little. “I’m not doing anything, honey. Why don’t you wait and see how this all plays out, then get back to me?” He turned his back on her and flicked a finger in the air as his salute. “See you.”

Sheena could only watch, jaw unhinged, as he sauntered out the door, as easy as a summer breeze. She watched as he caught up with his friends, as they were waiting outside Lloyd’s truck. They appeared to have a short conversation, ending in Zelos patting both of their backs before getting back into the truck.  Wait and see. 

“[Sheena, you’re still here?]” A deep voice from the kitchen.

“I’m…” she started slowly, “[I’m on my way out, Uncle.]”

“[Will you come in at 10 tomorrow? I’ve got some errands to run.]”

“[Sure.]” Sheena was still staring out the window, even as she gathered her purse from underneath the counter, completely blown by Zelos’ nonchalant reply. _ I don’t think he gets it, _ she thought, walking slowly to the window.  _He can’t get it. Unless he’s so good at pretending to be clueless, just to throw everyone off._

Sheena reached the door and clenched the handle with more force than she intended, and when she pushed it open, it hit the other side of the building with a slam. She squeaked in surprise, causing more frustration to boil in her chest.  _ Zelos, you better not fuck them over. Whatever it is you’re planning. Or else, you’ll have hell to pay for it._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! Nice to have a timely update, isn't it? Sheena is so not impressed with Zelos at this point, considering he's just oozing the heartbreaker vibe. The quotes in brackets are in her native language. (Japanese, but for lore's sake, it won't be specified. I'll retcon anything previous.) I love putting Zelos in tight jeans, it seems like his style. There's a lot of conversation going on here, which I love to write, and a lot of Sheena musing over the relationship of her friends. It's something you probably do as well! I know I've done it. Let's see, next chapter...oh yes! Another birthday party! Stay tuned!


	23. Closer

Zelos sat on the couch, hunched over his coffee table with a clutter of CD jewel cases in front of him. The apartment was dim, only lit by a small, standing lamp at its lowest brightness “Okay,” he muttered. “What can I pull out for tonight?”

His long fingers grazed over the albums, some of them still in their shrink wrap. His shadow washed out the colors. _They don’t care what I play on air,_ he thought. _Probably for the best, since I don’t know what half of this shit is. I got most of these albums in high school, but when I started going downhill...I just stopped listening to a lot of music._ He sighed. _Whatever. I’ll just put on a grab bag._

He gathered a few CD’s in a pile, and ended up revealing the invitation he had received from his sister. His heart still jumped at the sight of it. _I have to deal with_ that _eventually. What...what do I even say to her? It’s been years._ His mouth went dry, and he withdrew from the table, easing back into the couch and running a hand through his hair. He tugged at his scalp. _I still don’t want to deal with it. But, if_ they _were with me, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Even if it doesn’t make seeing her any easier, it might make the stiff affair less stuffy._

_But, there’s only a plus one invite._

His thoughts were broken by a flurry of knocks on the door. Zelos yelped at the sudden noise, the hair on his arms rising. “What the hell…?” he said to himself, then spoke louder. “Who is it?”

“Zelos!” Colette’s sweet soprano rang through the closed door, but it was hushed by a swarm of giggles.

“Aw, Col, you ruined it!” Lloyd’s voice groaned, as Zelos rose to open the door. He was grinning even before he opened it. “It was supposed to be a surprise--”

Zelos pulled the handle to reveal his two friends, weighed down by an assortment of items--Lloyd had two pizza boxes in one arm, and a six pack of what appeared to be beer in the other. Colette held a neatly wrapped box in her arm, as well as a plastic grocery bag. “Happy birthday!” she exclaimed, smiling ear to ear.

“Whose birthday?” Zelos teased, and backed up for them to enter, unloading their goods onto the bar by the kitchen.

“Yours, you idiot,” Lloyd replied, snapping on the kitchen light switch. The room flooded with warm light. “You were , the one gloating about it last week.”

“It can’t be. No one’s wheeling in a cake as tall as I am filled with strippers,” Zelos said, hands on his hips. “Unless that comes later~?”

Colette snorted as she opened his freezer to slide a gallon of ice cream into it. “You’re unbelievable,” she commented.

“Hey, I’ll take it,” Zelos said, grinning out the side of his mouth,

_(as he strolled over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, and kissed the back of her hair)_

eyes settled on her from a distance. He bit the inside of his cheek.

Lloyd, on the other hand, was setting out the pizza, and now Zelos could see what he had brought to drink. “I thought our princess didn’t like alcohol,” he remarked. “Or is this root beer?”

“Nah, it’s hard lemonade,” he said. “You can’t even taste it. It’s Colette approved.”

Zelos chuckled as she gave a thumbs up. “Well, it looks like you two are going to have fun tonight.”

“You’d better too! It’s your birthday!” Colette insisted, sporting a goofy pout.

“Who says you can’t have any?” Lloyd asked.

Zelos hesitated. _Because I’m too fucked up to drink like a normal human being?_ “Ah, well…” _I've done enough oversharing with these guys. I think...I’ll let this one side. Besides, they’ve both seen it in action, in one way or another. Gotta do something a psychiatric professional says every once in awhile._ “Probably not the best idea.”

Colette and Lloyd both eyed him. “You okay?” Lloyd asked softly, maintaining eye contact.

_Ah._ Zelos let himself soak in his attention, then waved his hand. “Yeah. I’m cool. Forget about it.”

His look lingered on him a little longer. “All right,” he finished.

“Here, we got you something!” Colette chirped, bouncing over with the wrapped box and thrusting it toward Zelos. “It’s not...um, a cake full of strippers, but…” Her face puffed as she spoke.

Zelos poked her cheek. _Cute._ “Hey, I never asked for anything,” he said, taking the box and rolling it over in his hands. “Y’know I could buy anything I could ever want, right?”

“Really…?” Colette said, frowning.

“Just open it,” Lloyd said. “It’s the thought that counts, anyway.”

Leaning against the bar, he slid his finger underneath the edge of the paper, caked in tape. _Who would’ve wrapped this? It seems neat enough, so maybe Colette._ After one layer of paper, the box was rolled in yet another layer, and the edges were haphazardly cut. _Nope, this was Lloyd._

He flung the excess wrapping paper on the floor, and finally took a closer look at the present. “A...camera?” he asked, turning it over on all sides.

“Yeah!” Colette said. “Does that one look okay? The salesperson said that was one of the best ones we could get with the money we had…it’s a digital one, so you can upload everything to your computer and not have to worry about buying film.”

Zelos swallowed, aware of his posture and the weight of the camera box in his hands. “I…” he started, eyes flickering. “I haven’t had a camera in years, not since high school. My ex smashed it, then I started buying disposable ones and…” He stopped himself. _You’re babbling. They’re good at making you do this._ “How did--ah…”

“Colette said you had a bunch of pictures in your room,” Lloyd said. “It was her idea.”

“Do you like it?” she asked tentatively.

He stared at the box. _I don’t think anyone has really given any...thought for gifts for me. That’s why the spare room is filled with shit I haven’t even touched. And this…_

_I liked photography, didn’t I?_

Zelos nearly forgot that she was right in front of him, and he embraced her tightly, forgoing the box on the bar. “I love it. Thanks a lot.” _Martel, am I tearing up? Fuck, don’t do that, crybaby…_

Lloyd was smiling, brown eyes sparkling, and they met his in the midst of things. “Hey, don’t think you’re missing out,” Zelos said, and left Colette to sneak over to Lloyd, hugging him from behind.

“Ah, hey--!” he exclaimed, trying to spin around in his arms. “I’m glad you like it. H-happy birthday, man.”

“Thanks.” Zelos inhaled deep as he clapped him on the back. “You smell like the outdoors.” _Pine and woodsy..._

“Oh yeah, I started my new set of classes today. We’re outside most of the time, learning about trees and stuff like that. Forest safety,” Lloyd said, then gestured to to the pizza boxes. “I got hamburg-mushroom and cheese.”

“Nice.” Zelos set aside the camera and grabbed a slice of the first option. It took enormous effort to move fluidly, as his entire body felt like it was made out of cotton--light and airy. “You know what I like.”

“Considering you order in 90 percent of the time, I’ve paid attention,” Lloyd remarked, elbowing him gently. “Do you even know how to cook?”

“A little. I can cook eggs, pasta, things like that.”

“Oh yeah, a real chef you are.”

Colette had already opened one of the hard lemonades and was sipping on it as she reached for a cheese slice, squeezing between them. “So, what do you want to do tonight, Zelos? It’s your birthday.”

Zelos shifted on his feet. “Well…” _I’ve got everything I need right here._ “I wouldn’t mind just hanging out here with you two. I’ve got radio tonight anyway, I’ve got to be at the station by quarter of twelve at the latest.”

“Your last show sounded good,” Lloyd said, taking a bite of pizza. “I had to drink a lot of coffee the next day though…”

“You stay up for that? Hell, the station manager doesn’t even listen to my show live.” But he does. He glanced at Colette. “Don’t tell me you did too, kitten.”

“A-ah, a little bit.” She avoided eye contact. “I, um...I’m just not a big fan of...alternative music.” She winced, dropping her pizza slice on the table and balling her hands. “Oh, I’m sorry--! I _do_ want to hear you...”

“Hey, that’s what counts, isn’t it?” Zelos rubbed her back. “As long as my sexy voice reaches your pretty ears, that’s all I care about~.”

Lloyd rolled his eyes, making his way over to the couch with his drink and food, plopping down on the far side. Zelos watched as he went, giving him a heavy lidded look. “What, you don’t think I’m sexy?” he teased, fluttering his eyelashes.

“No, it’s just--” Zelos could pinpoint the exact moment when Lloyd’s foot entered his mouth, and grinned as his eyes widened, hoping that the couch would swallow him. “You’re just--c’mon, that’s a loaded question! How do I even answer that?!”

“I’ll take what you gave me,” he replied, whirling over to him

_(behind the couch, draping his arms around Lloyd’s shoulders, head perched playfully on top)_

to lean on the arm of the couch. Zelos grinned horribly at him, but much to his surprise, Lloyd returned it with a small smirk. _Is that…?_ His heart skipped in his chest as he watched Lloyd occupy himself with a long swig of the hard lemonade. _Martel, is that all it takes now to get me going? Ah._

“Hey, Col, you brought a movie, right?” Lloyd asked, slightly recovered.

“Oh, yeah!” She whirled back to the kitchen table and pulled out a DVD case. “This one just came out on video, it was the last one at the rental place!”

“Your pick, I assume?” Zelos asked.

“Mmhmm!” She held the case out to him. It featured a brooding looking couple, the man hovering over the woman with a smoky background. The man had glowing, yellow eyes. “I know it looks like a horror movie, but it’s kind of a romance.”

Lloyd peered over, eyeing the back cover. “Wait a sec, did you pick up that vampire movie? The one where the vampire guy falls in love with the girl and has to fight werewolves and all that crap?”

“C’mon, I really wanted to see it!” Colette insisted, bouncing on her knees. “And they’re not fighting werewolves, they end up fighting other vampires. That’s at the end though--”

“I _really_ didn’t want to watch a chick flick,” Lloyd complained. “They probably spend half the time just staring at each other, making goo-goo eyes.”

_And you don't do that already with her?_ Zelos thought.

“It’s not! It has cool fight scenes! At least, that’s what the trailer had...I promise it’s good.”

“And if it’s not?”

“Then we’ll all suffer together,” Zelos interjected, flipping the case in his hand and snapping it open. “One of my exes and I used to get shitty movies on purpose just to make fun of them.” He pressed a button on the DVD player to open the tray. _We watched them on VHS. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve had a date night like that._

He paused to glance back at Lloyd and Colette, who were making eyes at each other, sitting close in the middle of the couch. _This feels...more like a date night than any other movie get together we’ve had._ He watched as Lloyd poked her cheek, resulting in her giggling and swatting him away. _But, maybe I’m just imagining it. Maybe that’s what I want this to be._

_Damn it._

“Z?” Lloyd said, jerking Zelos out of his thought. Their attention had now turned back to him, still crouched by the TV.

He let them stare at him for a few moments more before he got up. “Just making sure everything’s cool,” he said nonchalantly, and waved his hands between them. “Scoot. I gotta break up you love birds.”

_Besides,_ he thought as he crashed down between them, _that means I get to be close to the both of you._ He leaned forward to fish for the remote around the coffee table, when a light tap on his head brought him back up. Colette waved the remote in his face. “Here!” she said.

“Thanks, sweetie,” he said. Their hands brushed. _Damn it._ “Let’s see what this is all about.”

As Zelos turned on the TV, ready to filter through the DVD menu, he felt Lloyd lean on him. “Hey, can I ask you something?” he asked.

“Yeah?” Zelos replied.

After another drink of the hard lemonade, he raised his finger up to Zelos’ temple, where his headband was, and put a thumb underneath it, running it against his forehead and letting it snap. “Why do you always wear that headband thing like that? I hardly see you without it.”

_I’m so gay,_ Zelos thought fleetingly, the simple touch still lingering through his nervous system after the fact. “Well, it’s kind of a long story…”

“Yeah?” Lloyd’s voice dropped a little, with a hint of a rasp to it. They were close enough so that Zelos could see the five o’clock shadow in his cheeks, the individual peaks and valleys in his brown eyes. _I feel like I’m going to burst. Just…_

_play it cool. This used to be easy, right?_

“All right, all right,” Zelos said, louder than he wanted to. “I was out walking with my ex-boyfriend, in some of the seedier parts of Meltokio, and we got jumped by some ninjas in an alley.” He pulled back his headband, threading it back out of his hair, and pointed to a thin, faded scar on his forehead. “One of the guys cut me right there. There were ten of them, and I pulled out my magic sword to defend myself--”

Lloyd nearly spit out his drink, and took a closer look at his head. “For Martel’s sake! I can’t even see anything, quit bullshitting us--”

“Let me see,” Colette interjected, tugging on Zelos arm. He turned to her, and got an opportunity to see her more intimately--the curve of her nose, the small mole on her left cheek, the way her bangs swept across her eyebrows. “Oh, I see it!” Her pink lips pouted as she ran a finger over the scar. “Seriously, a knife cut? That’s terrible…”

Zelos chuckled, letting his hair fall back, just a little into his face. The look of concern from her was too much for him to take. “Okay, I am messing with you a little bit. I did get jumped with my ex one time, though.” _They’re both gullible, in their own ways. I have a million stories I tell people about that scar, but_

_(...hazy vision, damp grass...)_

_none of them_

_(...”he needs to be kept on strict surveillance”...)_

_are true._

“What the hell, man?” Lloyd exclaimed, jabbing him. “So then, what’s the real scoop?”

“It’s a secret,” Zelos said, a finger to his own temple. “Maybe when you’re all grown up, I’ll tell you.” He stuck his tongue out, feigning

_(...”and NEVER let him near her grave again”...)_

playfulness.

Lloyd scoffed, crossing his arms. “Nothing’s worse than what you’ve already told us,” he said.

“Just another piece of this fucked up puzzle,” Zelos retorted, leaning back with his elbows behind his head.

“You guys, the movie’s already started,” Colette interrupted, scowling. “If Zelos doesn’t want to talk about what really happened, he doesn’t have to.” Despite her words, she gave him a weighted look before returning her attention to the TV. _Don’t hide stuff, yeah, yeah. She’s onto me, even if he isn’t._ “I...think you look good without it. The headband.”

Zelos leaned into her, resting his head onto hers. “You don’t think it’s ugly?” he asked. He swallowed the tentative edge creeping in his throat, and hoped it was enough. _I...know it’s faded. I can always see it, though. The headband was just supposed to be temporary, but it’s been ten years, and here we are. Colette..._

“No.” She gave herself space to meet his eyes, flickering up and down his face, before looking away, smiling to herself. Zelos’ lips parted to match the slight raise of his eyebrows, and he shut them quickly. _Oh?_

_Let’s see…_

“What do you think, Lloyd?” he asked, leaning over to him, shoulder to shoulder.

“Honestly, I couldn’t even see it,” he replied, mimicking a similar eye motion to Colette. It was less coy, but it shared the same, lingering quality. “You don’t have to hide it. Especially around us. You look fine.”

Zelos nodded slowly. _Fair enough. Let me push it, just a little…_ “Just fine?”

Lloyd snorted. “Martel, you always do this.” _There’s that grin._ His eyes began to dart. “Nah, you do. You look good.” He nudged into him before settling back into the couch.

The headband sat in Zelos lap, and he wrapped it around his hand to distract the sound of his heart thundering in his ears. _That settles it then,_ he thought as the screen displayed a pale girl confronting the somehow paler leading man in a dark forest. _How did I manage this? They both...are flirting with me. In some way. There’s nothing else it could be._

_Or could it? Maybe I’m just setting myself up for disaster again._

_Forget about it, Zelos. Like you’re worth it anyway._

Beside him, Colette huffed softly, head against Zelos’ shoulder. “I don’t get it,” she said. “The vampire guy is all brooding and mean to her, but the werewolf guy is so nice, and she’s so relaxed--”

“Wait, the long haired kid is a werewolf?” Lloyd interrupted, scooting over closer.

“Yeah, haven’t you been paying attention?” she said. “Vampires and werewolves don’t get along…”

“So, what, is this when they get to fight over who gets Miss Personality over here?”

“Lloyd!”

“I haven’t seen her smile the whole time…”

“Not everyone’s as cute as Colette,” Zelos commented, smirking.

“O-oh, shush!” Out of the corner of his eye, Colette was hiding her face with one hand.

“So, if Colette replaced the girl in this movie,” Zelos continued. “I’d be the pasty, handsome vampire, and Lloyd can be the buff and almost as handsome werewolf.”

“How’d you come up with that?” Lloyd asked.

“How else would it go?” he replied, then reached over and pinched Lloyd’s cheeks between his fingers. “I’m nowhere near as hairy as you are. Besides, you seem like you could be the wild type~.”

“Holy _shit.”_ Lloyd shook him off, grinning in spite. “Well in that case, you could be enough of a pretentious asshole to be a vampire.”

“Touche,” he said, smiling wide to bear his teeth. “I guess I’ll have to just turn you then--!”

“Ah, no, _no!”_ Lloyd squirmed as Zelos went straight for his neck, playfully getting close enough just to graze his skin, but not enough to kiss. _At least I know I have some willpower..._

The couch was not big enough for the rough housing, and as Lloyd tried to kick Zelos away, it ended up pushing Colette back as well. She yelped and flailed her arms. “Ah, guys!”

“What’s that?” Zelos righted himself, only to turn onto her. “You want some too? Ahh…”

She squealed in a mix of horror and laughter as he drew closer. _“Eek,_ Zelos!” Still, she let him get just as close, enough to smell the fresh scent of her hair as he pretended to nip at her neck.

“Get back here!” Lloyd grabbed around Zelos waist to pull him back from her, laughing as he resisted just enough to put up a fight. Eventually, Zelos gave in, springing back into his rightful spot in the middle of the couch. Breathless, the trio relaxed back, the two on the wings closer into Zelos than they were before. He tilted his head back against the couch, staring up at the popcorn ceiling above him, flickering colors from the TV.

_I could get used to this._

He set aside his headband on his lap, and let his hands open up on either side of them. From there, he waited, under the guise of being invested in the movie in front of them, to see if they would take the bait.

Scenes passed by with little comments from the peanut gallery. The girl and the vampire met his eccentric family (“That was the most awkward hug I’ve ever seen.”) as well as hers (“He looks kind of like your dad, Lloyd.” “At least Dad has a full beard and not just a mustache.”), played a rather intense game of vampire baseball, and watched the couple go through many dramatic ups and downs, including a climactic fighting showdown where the group is forced to kill another vampire.

The ending scene was at high school prom night, and Zelos felt the others leaning heavily against his shoulders. Tender music played as the couple danced on screen. _This is pretty cliche,_ he thought, but _it’s...nostalgic, in a way._ “I think we had a gazebo like that at my prom. One of the formals, anyway,” he said quietly.

“Mmm?” Colette replied beside him. Their arms were pressed together, and he swore he could feel the tips of her fingers against the back of his hand. _Nostalgic like this fifth grade level bullshit I’m feeling,_ he spat in his head. _Why am I so anxious? Getting people in bed with me is the one thing I’m fucking good at. So, why? Why?_

_(take it, please_

_make me feel like I’m worth something,_

_like you are to me)_

Zelos twisted his hand just slightly, enough so he could stroke his thumb against the back of her hand. He felt her skin shudder, startled, but tentatively, very tentatively, her hand curled toward him, fingers loose. _Just a little more._ He felt for her open palm, and found it soft and inviting, and he continued to make circles in it with his thumb. Colette shifted, close enough so he could feel the small breath of a sigh from her nose on his chest. Her fingers were loose around his own touch. He peered at her as best as he could without moving his head, but could not quite see her face. _Oh, well._

He laced his fingers in with hers in one smooth, single motion. She did not resist. In fact, Colette squeezed his hand, just enough for one to notice the difference in pressure.

Zelos bit his lip hard to keep the grin from infecting his face. _One down._ The cinematic credits were starting to roll, but Lloyd felt like dead weight on his other shoulder. He glanced over to him to see his chest steadily rise and fall. “Hey,” Zelos said, low and into his hair. No response. He went to adjust his arm, but much to his surprise, Lloyd had somehow wrapped himself in it, using it as a thin pillow. _So that’s why I felt so warm._

Colette leaned forward, but didn’t release Zelos’ hand. “Did he fall asleep?” she asked.

“Looks like it,” he replied, and shrugged the shoulder he was sleeping on. “Hey, babe--”

The endearment was unintentional, and out of his mouth before he could catch it. Pins and needles prickled through the top of his head, but he pressed on. “L-Lloyd, wake up.”

Lloyd grunted, blearily squinting first at the screen, then up at Zelos. “‘Ssover already?” he asked, rubbing his eyes with his free hand.

“That’s because you slept through it,” Zelos said, then lower, “Was I comfy enough for you?”

“Huh? Yeah…” he replied slowly, unraveling himself from Zelos’ arm. It was without repulse or comment, just sleepy detachment.

He smirked at him and shook his head. _You’re the one I don’t know for sure about. I can’t tell if you’re playing along, you’re clueless,_

_or if you really do feel something more for me._

Zelos turned to Colette, still close by his side, and squeezed her hand before letting it free. “What time is it, angel?” he asked.

“O-oh, um, it’s…” She fumbled in her pockets for her phone with shaky hands. “Ah, we should probably be getting home.” She launched herself up off the couch with a little too much vigor, and stumbled into the coffee table because of it. “Ow!”

“Be careful, hon,” Lloyd yawned from his seat, and rose, albeit much slower, up to go to her aid. Zelos watched as he steadied her with his hands gently on her waist from behind, a soft look on his face. Colette’s eyes were wide, constantly looking between Lloyd and Zelos. _Oh, man. We’ve all got it bad._

“Here, I can drive you guys home,” Zelos suggested. “I’m the most awake and the most sober.”

“No, it’s okay,” Lloyd said. “I’m fine--”

He wobbled as he strode over to Zelos, having to grab his shoulder for support. Zelos chuckled. “Nah, I don’t think so. I gotta go that way anyway. I’ll drive your truck, then crash at your place when I get done.”

“I don’t think--” Colette started, then yawned wide. “I don’t think we’ll be able to catch your show tonight, Zelos…”

“I’ll save the recording.” He reached out to Colette, as well as Lloyd, and guided them to his doorway. “C’mon, let’s get you kids home.” As he pushed them toward the door, he snagged a few jewel cases from the coffee table at random and shoved them in his back pocket.

They left the mess of food and cardboard on the bar as they left.

* * *

 

“See you tomorrow.”

“Good night, Zelos! Happy birthday.”

“Night, Z.”

Lloyd and Colette climbed the stairs up to their apartment wearily, in both a haze of sleep and alcohol underneath the velvet night sky. Lloyd fussed with the keys until they clicked the lock. “Oh, crap. I forgot to give him my keys to copy.”

Colette was close against his back. “Oh, he’s going to be here tomorrow. Don’t worry about it.”

They stumbled in the door, slipping off their shoes in the dark. They kept bumping each other as they did so, and eventually on purpose, resulting in a flurry of giggles from Colette.

“C’mere,” Lloyd said, taking her in his arms by the waist and hugging her tight. _Colette._

_Colette._

She squeezed him back, looking up to him with sleepy, but cheery eyes, only illuminated by the stray light from the street filtering through the window. “Lloyd?” she asked, sweet and soft.

“Yeah?” He wasn’t sure if his feet were touching the ground.

Her eyes were low lidded, and she reached out to touch his face, stroking it once before letting her hand rest on his shoulder. “This might be weird to say, um, right now, but…” She chuckled to herself. “I’m...glad we met Zelos.”

He let the sentence sink into him for a moment. _I...that was not what I was expecting,_ Lloyd thought.

_(what were you expecting?)_

_But...I get it. I know what she means. Having Zelos around has almost...brought us closer. Does that make sense? Ah, I’m too tired. I can’t think straight._

He finally nodded. “Yeah,” he said, and it was all he said. He brought her back into a hug again, a little more gentle this time, before leading her to the hallway, arm around her waist.

_(I want to be closer_

_closer_

_in some way_

_for you_

_and you too…)_

* * *

 

Zelos swiped his ID card on the slider by the door to Tethe’alla University’s radio booth and it clicked open with a small beep. The station was small--enough to house a panel of sliders and buttons for the control, a computer monitor, and a CD deck on the main desk. The walls were shelved with thousands of CD’s, as well as a bin of cassette tapes and vinyl records, remnants of the past. At the helm was a scrawny kid with messy blonde hair, gathering up his backpack on the desk chair.

“Yo, kid,” Zelos said, waving the CD’s in the air before dropping them on the desk. “How’d your static show go?”

“I-I have a name, you know,” he replied. His voice was high pitched, timid, and nonthreatening, despite his words. “And my alternative indie softcore show went pretty well tonight, thanks.”

“More like noisecore,” Zelos mumbled. “Anything here from the guy in charge?” He squeezed his way into the desk chair, forcing the other host to move his bag elsewhere to finish organizing it.

“No,” he said. “No notes for you.”

“Good, because I’ve got a lot to talk about tonight.”

“Sure.” He hoisted the backpack over his shoulder, peering with green eyes at the CDs with mild interest. “Oh, that album’s really good.” He pointed to a blue and red one with an abstract flower burst on the cover.

“I have no clue. Hasn’t even been unwrapped.” Zelos put the large, studio headphones over his ears and waved his hand. “Get outta here. Emil, was it?”

He sighed. “Yup. That’s me.” He was almost out the door, but he still stopped in the doorway. “H-have a good show, Zelos.”

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks.” He waited for the door to click behind him before looking back. The building was dark in his wake, but he could still see the back of Emil’s head as he left the studio. _Kid’s the definition of the “we’ll let any random freshman walk in and run the airwaves” trope of college radio. His voice is so thin, how’d they even let him audition in the first place?_ He sighed and adjusted his microphone. _Oh, well. Who cares?_

_If Lloyd and Colette aren’t going to listen in tonight…_

His fingers danced over the panel, and he found a fader for the main channel, and faded it down while clicking another button. A brief intro theme for the station blasted through the speakers, and he jumped to turn it down to an equal level. As soon as the cadence died down, he took a deep breath, and faded up his mic.

“You’re listening to 87.5 FM WTLU, Southern Tethe’alla’s home for alternative radio, serving TU, Meltokio, and Mizuho. Zelos Wilder on the air on this Wednesday night and…” He paused to take a long breath, his hands already starting to sweat. “Boy, it’s been quite a night for me so far.”

The intro finally died down, leaving silence on the airwaves as he paused. _No dead air. Looks like my cue._ “Well, first of all, today’s my birthday. Just turned 25. Time flies when you’re having fun, huh?” _Tch. Yeah, right._ “I had a little party with a couple of my closest friends. Good time. Watched that new vampire movie out, and I’ll tell you what--it’s not worth your time, trust me.

“Ah... I want y’all to hear me out, for just a bit. Then, we’ll get some music going. Whatever I pick out.” He pawed at the table and found the album that Emil had pointed out, and began peeling off the shrink-wrap under the table. “Have you ever had to choose between two things? I mean, sure you have. Everyone has to, at some point. But, imagine...that these were two really, really important things.

“Things that you didn’t want to live without. The world wants you to pick one. Just one. You have to choose, this or that? What’s it going to be?”

He sighed. “How’s that old saying go…?” The shrink-wrap gave, and he let it flutter on the floor. “You can’t have your cake and eat it too. What a load of BS. I think you can. People do, they do all the time.

“That’s what I’m going for. I’m going to take my chances on this, and I’m not going to make any stupid choice. I think the odds are with me, which to be honest, is really rare.” _Really fuckin’ rare. Damn, I hate that I can’t swear on air. I did last week and got cussed out by the manager, said he’d fire me if it happened again._ He popped the CD out of the case and reached out to open the CD tray. “So...that’s my situation. Give me some good luck, yeah? I can’t screw this up. But I’ll let you guys know how it turns out when I get there.”

The CD drive whirled, and he hit the forward button a few times. “Let’s see...I’ve got some material even I’ve never heard before. Just a, ah, roulette of stuff.” He fumbled for the fader. “As always, you can call in requests at 555-8293, or even just to tell me I suck, hell if I care. I’ll let you know the name of this track after we spin through it. Once again, you’re listening to 87.5, WTLU.”

He clicked the mic button and fully faded up the audio track, letting the acoustic guitar and smooth bass ring in his ears over the headphones. He eased back in his chair, crossing his arms. _So, this is the turning point for all of us. There’s no backing out now. There’s something we all want out of each other, whether they really know what it is or not._

_I know what it is._

_And damn, I want it so bad._

_Lloyd, Colette._

_I want to be yours._

He closed his eyes, and let the music sink into him as he snickered to himself. “Let’s hope you don’t get fucked, Zelos,” he said to himself.

* * *

 

_Come and see, I swear by now I’m playing time against my troubles,_   
_Oh, I’m coming slow but speeding…_   
_Do you wish a dance? And while I’m in the front, the play on time is won._   
_Oh, but the difficulty’s coming here…_

“#41”, Dave Matthews Band, _Crash_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That sure was a chapter! Nice little cameo from Emil; he's probably Genis' age. There is honestly so much going on in this chapter, but like Zelos said, this is the turning point for everyone. Zelos as a radio host spouting his problems on the air is directly inspired by _The Face On The Milk Carton_ YA book series. The consequences aren't nearly as dire for him as they were for Reeve Shields, though. I had to dig through my own crush experiences to play out some of the movie watching. Oh, speaking of movies, guess which one the crew is watching! Next chapter: awkward conversations with father figures. Always a good time!


	24. Keys

Ten o’clock the next morning rolled around, and Zelos awoke blearily to the mid morning sun streaming in through the window. _I swear I shut that last night,_ he thought, rolling his neck to ease its stiffness.

“Morning,” Lloyd said from the kitchen table. Zelos sat up as tall as he could to spot him in a tank-top and boxer shorts, eating a bowl of cereal. “Can you do me a favor today?”

“This early?” Zelos voice cracked as he stood up and stretched. He found himself drawn to Lloyd’s tanned, muscular shoulders, the tank top allowing for a peek into his chest. _That’s right. Last night_ did _happen._ He bit his lip. _Shit. I had a plan, didn’t I?_

“Jeez, it’s past ten. Colette’s already in class,” Lloyd said. “I meant to do this last night, but I forgot.” He picked up a ring of keys in front of them and jingled them. “This is her set, but why don’t you copy yourself a key so you don’t have to climb through the window?”

Zelos snorted as he strolled over. “Fair enough. I’ll copy you both a couple of mine, too.” Lloyd looked up at him for the first time that morning, eyes rolling over his body, before abruptly returning to his cereal. Zelos realized he was in nothing more than a t-shirt and briefs himself. _Oh yes, last night certainly did happen._ “Where do I go to do this sort of thing, anyway?”

“Any hardware store will copy keys. Actually, why don’t you go to my dad’s?” he suggested. “It’s walking distance, just across the bridge. Say hi for me, and pet Noishe too. He seems to like you.”

“Who, the dog or your dad?” Zelos said. “Either way, it’d be a first.” He twirled the keys in his hands. _Okay, if you’re going to do this, you have to do it now._ “S-say, got any plans for the weekend?”

“Hm? No, not really. Just going up to Iselia on Sunday. Why?”

He took a deep breath, and he felt the familiar suave gloss take over his facial features. “I thought maybe you and I could go out, just the two of us,” Zelos said. “Guys night out. There’s this cool bar in Meltokio that I want to show you. I don’t think our princess would be into it, so it’ll just be us two.”

The minute pause Lloyd took to think felt like hours to Zelos. Even him eating his cereal seemed loud and laborious. And yet, his response was short and to the point. “Sure,” he said. “What time?”

Zelos stared. _What the fuck? That’s it? “Sure”? Martel._ “Saturday night, around 7? I’ll pick you up on the bike from here.”

“Sweet. Sounds good.” Lloyd replied, drinking the rest of the milk out of the bowl. “You’ll be around here before then, right? It’s only Thursday.”

“‘Course I will. I don’t have anything better to do.” Zelos turned and wandered back over to the bed, covering his mouth. _I can’t fucking believe it was that easy. Does he even know what he agreed to? Maybe he does. Maybe he’s just messing with me. You’re killing me, Lloyd Irving…_ His eyes caught a pile of neatly folded clothes beside an empty basket. “Shit, did she wash the clothes I had here?” he asked.

“Huh? I guess. She must’ve picked them up with everything else when she did laundry.”

“What a sweetheart.” Zelos yanked his shirt over his head and pawed for a clean one in the mix, as well as a pair of jeans. From the kitchen, he heard the loud rattling and crashing of silverware, as well as a short curse from Lloyd. “Everything okay, bud?”

“Yeah, yeah…” His footsteps echoed down the hallway. “I’ve got to get ready to go to class.”

“So that’s why you’re not copying keys, and I get to spend some quality time with your father?”

“C’mon, Dad’s not that bad. Just...I dunno, ask him about Noishe or something. Or about stupid crap I used to get into when I was a kid.”

“You’re throwing me that bone?” Zelos couldn’t help but smirk. “Most people wouldn’t want to let their parents tell embarrassing stories about themselves.”

Lloyd reemerged fully clothed _(unfortunately,_ Zelos mused), and still dismissed the issue. “In my experience, dads aren’t so bad. If I had a mom, well, it might be a different story.” He shrugged, his backpack already on one shoulder. “If you're done before we are, we can give you a ride home after class. Just meet up in our usual spot.”

“Sounds good,” Zelos said. “Guessing you have The Grouch today.”

“Huh?" He paused, then snickered. "Aurion, yeah. He’s been acting kind of weird lately. Must be the end of the semester or something.” He kept edging toward the door, eyes darting everywhere but Zelos. “Okay, I’ll see you.”

“Bye.”

The door slammed shut behind him. _Well, then,_ he thought, shaking his head. _Got a classic case of “pretending to be as casual as possible but actually coming off as dismissive.”_ He zipped his jeans and pulled back his hair into a ponytail, walking back out into the kitchen. A dish towel, soaked, was on the floor by the sink, as well as a spoon. _As well as uncharacteristic_ _clumsiness._ “Oh, boy.” _Looks like things really are going to get interesting from here on out._

* * *

 

A tinny jingle announced Zelos arrival to Dirk’s hardware store. When he first entered, there seemed to be no one in the massively cluttered shop. “Hello?” he called, hands in his pockets.

“Aye, be right with ya!” Dirk’s booming voice hollered from the far back, accompanied by a skittering sound. A grand, white dog came sliding out from the back room first, tail wagging and headed straight for Zelos.

“Hey, Noishe,” he said, kneeling down and scratching the dog behind his ears. “Long time, no see.” _I’ve only been by once or twice since I first met Lloyd and Colette._ Noishe licked his face enthusiastically. _At least the dog still likes me. That’s always a good start._

“Oy, easy, boy!” Upon hearing Dirk’s voice again, Noishe perked up and redirected his attention to the stocky, bearded man making his way down the aisle. “Ah, it’s you again. Zelos, isn’t it?”

“That’s right,” he replied. “Just stopping by to send over some hellos from Lloyd.” He fished out the keys from his pocket. “I also need some keys copied.” _Just get this over with as quickly as possible,_ Zelos thought, twirling the ring around his finger. _Even though asking about embarrassing stories is very tempting..._

He held out the keys at a distance, and Dirk took them quickly, examining the grooves in the metal. “Just, uh, need one of the silver key, and two of the long gold one,” Zelos said.

“A’ight.” Dirk took a longer look at Colette’s key ring, adorned with several key chains; the top of his beard, just above his lip, twitched ever so slightly. “I recognize this one. It came from this store.”

“Yeah, those are Colette’s keys. Lloyd gave me hers to copy--”

“He did, aye?” Dirk was already making his way back to the bench where a cork board full of key blanks were lined up in a shimmering display. “Should’ve given you his, he has the original. I can’t guarantee that it’ll be a clean copy.” He scanned through the blanks and pulled out a couple from the array. “Colette used to have one too, but she has a habit of losing hers quite a bit. Ever since she was small, I've had to make hundreds of house keys for her..."

Zelos chuckled. “I’m not surprised. She’s sweet, but she’s clumsy…”

Dirk’s brown eyes, darker than Lloyd’s, settled on him for a moment before digging behind the counter. Zelos sighed and shuffled his feet, staring back down at the linoleum floor. _Yeah, he doesn’t care for me at all. Or, he's suspicious at the very least._

“What’s this for, anyway?” Dirk asked as he aligned Zelos’ keys on the grinder. “Lloyd didn’t mention anything t’me about a new roommate.”

“It’s just to make things easier for us,” Zelos replied. _Why do you even care? Oh, yeah. Because you’re his dad. I hate nosy parents._ “You know, so when one of us is out of the house, we don’t have to worry about being locked out or--”

The whirring whine of the key grinder washed out his voice. Zelos fluffed his hair back and crossed his arms. When it stopped, he resumed his sentence. “--or anything like that.”

“Uh-huh,” Dirk grunted. He aligned a second key, and continued to cut the blanks in silence. Zelos paced in place as Noishe watched him from the floor in curiosity. _All right, all right. I can take sour disinterest. I haven’t deflowered any virgin daughters (or sons, for that matter--I can’t imagine that he’s had any other love interests), no one’s pregnant, I haven’t forced anyone to make dramatic life changes, so I’m clean. So far._ He pulled out the ponytail and ran his hand through his hair, retying it. _Just get these keys done, and then--_

“I know what you’re after, lad.”

He stopped mid-gesture, frozen is space. “What’s that?” he asked, only his eyes moving back to Dirk.

Sanding down the last copy, he pushed the safety goggles his was wearing back on to the top of his head and stared at Zelos long and hard. “You’re after Colette, aren’t you?”

_Well...considering the circumstances, that’s a pretty loaded question._  “Excuse me?” he chose to respond.

“I’ve seen types like you. You’re awfully sweet on her. I saw it when you last were up to Iselia,” Dirk continued, taking the pile of keys up to the register. “But, I know Lloyd likes you too. Great goddess, every time I see him, he’s got a new story to tell with you in it. Too many times, I’ve seen a girl come between a solid...er, friendship like that.”

Zelos found it in him to unfreeze, snapping the hair-tie in place, as a surge of anger welled through him. "Dirk, listen--"

"I know I'm not your old man," he continued, slow and steady. "But, I am Lloyd's, for all intents and purposes, and I want what's best for him."

"And that is...?" Zelos challenged.

He punched one fingered on the register, it loudly spitting receipt paper as a response. _"You_ not interfering with _their_ relationship."

Zelos grit his teeth, heat pooling in his ears. "Who said I'm interfering? We're all friends. Hell, what am I--"

"Do you believe that's all?" Dirk asked.

"Y...yes," he said, with some hesitation. _Yeah, we are all friends. I couldn't believe it at first, but we're all here together now. But...I do want to take it further._

_If they'll have me._

"It's $5 for the keys," Dirk said, and Zelos flipped his wallet out and tossed an exorbitantly large bill on the counter. He stared at it. "Do you have anything smaller?"

Zelos fished through his wallet, searching for numbers lower than 100. "Nope, don't think so--oh wait, here's a ten," he said, swapping the money around.

"Appreciate it," he grumbled. The register made a chirpy _ching!_ as Dirk withdrew proper change.

"I'm telling you, I'm no home wrecker," Zelos insisted, his voice sharp. _Not this time, anyway._ "Those two are good people, and great for each other--"

"Then let's keep it that way, aye?" Dirk handed him a small, plastic bag with the freshly copied keys, along with the originals. Zelos snatched it out of his hand and shoved it in his pockets.

"I'm planning on it," he replied, instincts telling his face to smirk even though his jaw was clenched. "Take it easy."

He spun on one heel and hastily walked out of the store, giving Noishe one last pat on the head before pushing the hardware store door closed behind him. _Yikes,_ he thought, hurrying away from the store. _Even his dad wants to see those two end up together. I'm not going to fuck this up._

_(but you will)_

_Oh Martel, don't start this again--_

_(You always do. Even his old man thinks you're useless, what's the point?)_

_They don't, though. Last night happened. That wasn't a fluke. I held her hand. He was wrapped asleep in the crook of my arm. I have a chance._

He had lost himself so much in his own thoughts, that he didn't realize he was already halfway across the Tethe'alla Bridge. A breeze hit him across the face, brushing his hair back and making his eyes water. _I still wish I had jumped some days. But then, I wouldn't get to see them smile at me. Is this what it feels like_

_to have someone to live for?_

His cellphone buzzed in his pocket. The caller ID read "Angel". He fumbled for the call button and raised it up to his ear. "Hey, sweetie," he answered.

_"Hi!"_ It indeed was Colette. _"We just got back from class. Are you going to be home soon?"_

_Home._ "Yeah, I'm just coming across the bridge. Do you miss me already~?"

Giggles over the line. _"Maybe--! Just get back when you can. I want to hear the recording from last night!"_ There was a brief commotion. _"Oh, Lloyd says he does too."_

"Ah, about that," Zelos said, scratching behind his neck. "I forgot to grab a CD. I'll have to get the recording next time when I'm in the studio." He covered the microphone piece and let out a sigh of relief. _Dodged that one. That should give enough time for things to escalate, right?_

_"Aw, that's almost another week! ...Oh, well,"_ she said.

"You'll get to listen, kitten, I promise." He could spot the apartment building from the slope in the road he was on. "Listen, I'm almost there, so I'm going to go."

_"Oh! Wait just a sec..."_ He could almost hear her bounding, heavy footsteps over the phone. _"I can see you too! From the window!"_

Zelos chuckled and hung up the phone, waving toward the top window of Lloyd and Colette's apartment. _It feels good,_ he thought, _to have someone to come home to._

_People who feel like home._

He took the stairs two at a time until he reached their door. Let's hope this weekend's date goes as planned, he thought, taking a deep breath before twisting the door handle to go inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a little shorter than some of the others, but think of it as a little break before the next long chapter. I'm sure everyone in Iselia is rooting for Lloyd and Colette to hook up--small town mentality sort of deal. Also, does Lloyd realize what he's getting into? He might, but doesn't want to admit it to himself. Just bros being guys, guys being dudes, going out together to have a couple drinks. Next time: date night!


	25. Date Night

If nothing else, Zelos Wilder was at least punctual.

At seven o’clock PM, the doorbell rang in Colette and Lloyd’s apartment. Reading on the futon, Colette swung her legs over the side and leaped up to answer the door. “I’ll get it!” she called.

She opened the door to Zelos leaning against the siding, twirling the keys to his motorcycle on one finger. He was wearing a leather jacket, with a white button down top, half buttoned to see a black shirt underneath. His hair was braided, but he had managed to swoop his bangs to frame his face, and it looked much neater than the quick up-do’s Colette had ever seen him do. His outfit was accompanied with dark skinny jeans and pink sneakers, along with small, hoop earrings--something she had never seen him wear. It suited him, somehow. “O-oh, hey there!” she stammered, welcoming him in. “You didn’t have to ring l-like that--”

“I know, kitten,” he said, hugging her briefly. He smelled strongly of cologne. “Just for appearances. Where’s Lloyd?”

“I think he’s in the bathroom,” she said, still mesmerized by him. “Y-you look nice. What’s the occasion?”

His smug smirk at her pink cheeks and stuttering demeanor faded. “Oh, Lloyd and I are going out tonight. He didn’t tell you?”

Colette’s eyes fell to the floor. “No, he didn’t…”

Zelos crossed his arms and sighed. “Huh,” he said, then bent over to Colette to meet her eye to eye with his hands on his shoulders. “Sorry, angel. We’re going out to a bar, that’s all, and I figured you wouldn’t like it.” He shook his head. “Jeez, can’t believe he’d do something like _I_ would…”

“Huh?”

“Nothing,” he said quickly, then lifted his head and shouted. _“Oy!_ Lloyd, are you ready?”

“Just a sec!” he called back. Running water could be heard from the bathroom.

Zelos’ attention returned to Colette. “I’ll make it up to you. We’ll go out tomorrow.”

She tilted her head side to side. “Ah, I have to volunteer early in the morning for the animal shelter. It’s Sunday, so I walk the dogs out to the field--”

“Then I’ll go with you,” he said.

“What? No, no,” she insisted, her hands twisting. “Unless you want to be up at five in the morning with me...I can’t even get Lloyd to get up with me.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Zelos said, his eyes flickering between her own, deep blue eyes, and her lips. Time was lost between them.

“Okay, sorry,” Lloyd said from down the hall, breaking Zelos and Colette’s gaze. He bounded out in jeans and a collared shirt with flames running down the chest. His hair was gelled to be even spikier than before, and his face was nearly gleaming from a fresh shave. “I’m ready.”

Zelos stood up straight, an eyebrow raise. “You’re really going to wear that?” he said, eyeing him up and down. He tapped on Colette’s shoulder, who was staring into blank space. “Princess, tell your boyfriend that he looks hideous.”

She turned, slowly, then seemed to fall a little back into herself. “Oh, Lloyd, that’s practically from middle school--!”

He frowned. “I didn’t think it was that bad...and I got this in high school!”

She put a finger to her lips. “Oh, there’s a shirt that my mom gave you for Christmas last year that looked really good on you.”

Zelos could practically see the huge question mark appear above Lloyd’s head. “Uh…?”

Colette huffed and rushed past him. “Here, let me find it.”

She blew into his bedroom, and in the meantime, Zelos strode over to Lloyd, a coolness glowing in his eyes. “You didn’t tell her about tonight?” he muttered.

“Huh? Oh shit, I didn’t,” he replied, scratching the back of his neck. “To be honest, I kind of forgot until this morning. I didn’t think it was that big a deal--”

“It wouldn’t be, _if_ she were coming with us,” Zelos explained. “You get what I mean?”

“R-right…” Lloyd’s forehead wrinkled, and he glanced back toward his bedroom door. “W-what should I do?”

“Up to you,” he said, just as Colette came out with the shirt in question.

“Here,” she said, placing it in his hands. She didn’t meet his eyes as she resumed her place on the futon.

“Thanks,” he said, immediately stripping off the previous shirt. “Col, I’m sorry I forgot to tell you we were going out tonight.”

“It’s okay!” she said, too brightly. “I-I probably wouldn’t like it too much anyway. You guys have fun.”

Lloyd held the shirt balled in his hands, bare chested, as he looked at Colette. “You ought to call Sheena or Genis to hang out. You can even drive over, since Z is taking me on the motorcycle.”

“Yeah, maybe I will,” she replied, smiling. “Um, a-are you going to put on your shirt?”

“Right.” He yanked the shirt, a simple, maroon long sleeve top with some buttons at the top, down over his head, and stretched it down over his chest. It hugged his torso just enough to show its shape.

“That’s a lot better,” Zelos remarked. “I’d grab a jacket, we’re going to be riding. Do you have any leather?”

“No, I have this denim thing though…” He turned to the hall closet, right by the door, and flicked through the coats and hangers alike. Zelos snuck a look at Colette, whose face seemed oddly expressionless. He reached over and rubbed her shoulder, causing her to shiver.

"How's this?" Lloyd asked. The jacket was loose on him, but it contrasted well with the rest of the outfit.

"Looking good," Zelos said, making his way to the door. "Let's get going."

"Okay," Lloyd replied. He waved over to Colette. "See you later."

She waved back. "Yeah, see you. What...time will you be home?"

"Ah, we shouldn't be out too late, yeah?" he said, turning to Zelos.

"Don't worry, I'll get him home safe and sound for you, sweetheart," Zelos said with a wink. "Don't forget about tomorrow."

"O-oh! Okay!" It was one of the first genuine smiles she sported that night, and a wave of relief washed over him upon seeing it.

"That's what I want to see," he said, opening the door and gesturing Lloyd through it. "After you."

He ushered him out the door, one hand on his back as they descended the stairs of their apartment. Zelos fished a pair of clear glasses out of his jacket pocket and slid them on. “Helmet’s by the bike,” he said.

“Do you really think she’s upset?” Lloyd asked, weak panic etched along the corners of his mouth. He picked the helmet off the ground beside Zelos’ red motorcycle.

“You tell me, you’ve known her longer,” Zelos replied, slipping the key into the ignition. “All I’m saying is that it probably wasn’t a good idea to keep her out of the loop.”

“Yeah…” Lloyd stared down at the ground, sighing deep.

“Listen, we’re going to go out to have a good time,” Zelos said, swinging his leg over the bike. “I’ll be pissed if you’re worrying about this while we’re out.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Lloyd said, waving his hand. “I’ll...figure something out.”

Zelos looked back at him for a moment, then patted the seat behind him. “Good. Now, get on up here. You know the drill, hang on to the bars or to me.”

He nodded and mounted the bike, opting for the grab bars as Zelos revved the engine.

* * *

 

 

The bar in question was located in the heart of Meltokio, through several winding streets and a mess of weekend traffic. It was hidden in plain sight, a modest, unmarked door sandwiched between a convenience store and a pizza parlor. “This is the place you were so excited to take me to?” Lloyd asked.

“Trust me, it’s better on the inside,” Zelos insisted, locking the helmet to the motorcycle and running up across the sidewalk to the door.  He twisted the handle to reveal a long staircase, lit only by a hanging bulb at the top of the stairs. “I used to come here all the time. I wonder if anyone’s still working here that I know…”

“Seriously, man, this is creepy as hell,” Lloyd said, staring up in all directions, and clinging to the railing as he descended.

“You grew up in a fucking ghost town, and _this_ is creepy?”

“This is a hell of a lot different.”

At the bottom of the stairs was a huge looking man, arms crossed with a badge around his neck. He had a large mop of dark hair and stared down at Lloyd and Zelos with suspicious eyes. “ID’s, boys?” he asked, his voice smoother than his demeanor would suggest.

They handed them over, first Lloyd, then Zelos. As Lloyd received his back, he caught a glimpse of the badge on the bouncer’s chest, reading “DUNGEON SECURITY”. “Honestly? This place is called Dungeon?”

_“The_ Dungeon,” Zelos corrected, adjusting his bangs. “It’s been a secret sort of club ever since it was built.” He put a hand against his back. “I used to--”

“Zelos Wilder?” the bouncer asked slowly.

He jerked his head up. “Yeah? That ID’s valid, y’know.”

The bouncer smirked. “It’s been a while since you brought your sorry ass here,” he said, flashing his teeth.

Zelos squinted at him, then his eyes widened with recognition. “Holy shit, is that you?” he exclaimed, looking him over. “Martel, I didn’t even recognize you! You’re looking good.”

“It’s just because I don’t have a chest anymore, isn’t it?” he said, shaking his head. “You were always out here for the women. I’m surprised you brought a guy here with you.”

Zelos laughed, while Lloyd looked bewildered between the two of them. “That’s true. This is Lloyd, a good buddy of mine. Thought I’d show him around. What are you going by these days?”

“Chris,” he said simply, and held a hand out to Lloyd. “I’ve had to kick this guy out for more things than you can shake a stick at. Fake ID’s, hitting on employees, rampant intoxication, you name it.”

“I see,” Lloyd said, laughing nervously, shaking his hand. After, he shrank back a bit, only to be further consoled by Zelos’ arm around his back.

“I promise I won’t be causing any trouble tonight,” Zelos said. “Hey, does Alice still work here?”

“No, but I think a couple other people you’ve banged are still around.”

Lloyd whispered up into his ear. “You have a reputation.”

“Always have,” he answered, winking. “All right, are we good to go?”

“Go right ahead,” the bouncer said, opening the door at the foot of the stairs for them. “Enjoy your night, Zelos.”

“Thanks, bud.” Zelos pushed Lloyd ahead into the door. “Now _this_ is where the real action starts.”

True to what he had said, the club was a lot more lavish in its main state. It was dimly lit, with bright, technicolor lights illuminating the middle of the hall, home to a modest dance floor. The bar was long across the entire wall, fully stocked with glasses and liquor of all shapes, sizes, and colors. The side with the dance floor had a stage on one end, which was currently occupied by a DJ and their sound equipment. A piano, lonely and dusty, sat neglected in the far corner of the dance floor. There were a few tables outside of the bar, and some people were seated and eating finger food. The tile on the floor was jet black and sparkling, and the same could be said for the surface of the bar itself, and all of the accessories. “Okay, maybe this isn’t so bad,” Lloyd said, after gawking around for a minute.

“Yeah? What’d I tell you,” he said, and led him to a bar stool. Zelos chose to sit between him and a couple of women engrossed in themselves. “Get yourself a drink.”

“Uh, all right.”

The bartender, a young woman with pink hair tied up in a ponytail approached them as soon as they sat down. As soon as she made eye contact with Zelos, her lip curled. “Oh, it’s you,” she snarled, wiping down the glass in her hand with aggression.

“It’s me~,” he cooed, putting his elbow up on the bar and letting his chin fall into his hand. “Did you miss me?”

“Hell no,” she replied, turning her nose up. “I thought they actually banned you for good. Or did you fuck your way through the staff for special privileges?”

Zelos snickered. “Don’t forget, you were one of them~.”

“Ugh!” She shook her head, then took a look at Lloyd. “And who’s this, some straight guy you’ve tricked into--”

_“Say,_ why don’t you get us some drinks?” he interrupted, fumbling out his wallet and throwing a large bill on the table. “What do you want, Lloyd?”

“Uh...a beer, I guess? Whatever’s on tap,” he replied.

“I’ll have a ginger ale,” Zelos said, and leaned forward, hissing into her face. “And you can keep the change if you don’t finish that sentence, sweetheart.”

She sneered at him. “Fine. Since when were you on the wagon?”

“Since I tried to fucking--” He stopped himself, his features smoothing out. “It doesn’t matter, baby. I’m not here to cause trouble, believe it or not.”

Zelos withdrew, and so did the bartender, and she gave him one last look before turning to make their drinks. When he settled back down into his seat, Lloyd was staring at him, dumbfounded. "What was that all about?" he asked.

"That's the typical reaction from most women I've slept with," he replied, sitting close enough to Lloyd so their knees were touching. "Didn't think she'd stick around here, though. I think she was going for a law degree..."

_This is too much,_ Lloyd thought. "How long has it been since you were here last?"

"Shit, I think it's been over a year now," he said.

"And 'fucking your way through the staff'?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, that happened a little. Word gets around, I guess. Though I am a damn good lay, I'll tell you that much."

"Yeah." Lloyd shifted in his seat. "And what else did she say? Something about tricking..."

"Oh, ignore that," Zelos said quickly. "She's still pissed with me and wants to ruin my date." He coughed loudly. "Night out, you know what I mean."

_Date._ "Sure."

The bartender returned and dropped their drinks in front of them wordlessly, spinning around to the back of the bar. As Lloyd took his first draw of beer, bitter to the taste, the bass from the DJ booth pounded in his ears. Beside him, Zelos sipped his ginger ale through a straw, eyes scanning around the bar. _This place isn't bad. It's actually a little nicer than the one we went to for Colette's birthday._ His eyes refocused on the table behind him, which had two women seated at it, holding hands across the table. His eyes flickered to the dance floor, where he caught two men grinding at the outside of the crowd. _Ah..._

He turned back toward the bar. "Hey, Z," he asked, before realizing he was speaking to his back. "Zelos?"

"Listen, baby, can't I just buy you one drink?"

_Oh, for Martel's sake!_ Zelos was talking to the two women seated beside them, eagerly flirting with the short haired one closest to them. She appeared uncomfortable, at the very least. Lloyd grabbed his shoulder. "Zelos!"

"Hm?" As he spun back around, the ladies took the opportunity to vacate the bar, and his eyes watched them leave. Lloyd shook him again to grab his attention. "What?"

"Really? Do you really have to do this wherever you go?" he fumed.

_(what's it to you?)_

Zelos tilted his head, neither guilty nor scared. "Are you upset?" he asked.

"Kind of, yeah!" he replied. "I have never seen anything good come out of you pulling that crap."

Zelos stared at him, the flashing lights reflecting off his icy blue eyes like a mirror. "All right, I'll lay off," he said, leaning close to his face. "It's our night after all, yeah?"

"Y-yeah." Lloyd swallowed. Had he ever been this close to him before? In the time it took to formulate the thought, Zelos had already resumed the bar, taking another sip of his ginger ale. _This is...strange. It's like another world. Another side of him, in a weird way._ "Zelos?"

"Yeah?" he asked, teeth on his straw.

"Is it just me, or..." He looked around. "Are there a lot of gay and lesbian people at this bar?"

Zelos vainly attempted to stifle a laugh. "You're right there. This is a LGBT safe spot. I've taken a lot of boyfriends here, and some other partners too."

_Boyfriend._ "I see."

"Does it bug you?"

"No."

Zelos sat his chin in his hand once again and smiled at Lloyd. Not a smirk, nothing smug--a genuine, almost soft look. He felt a stirring in his chest, _or is that just the alcohol?_ He took another swig of beer just in case. His mug was already nearly empty. That’s...the truth, he thought, his vision warping through the frosted glass. _This is just like anyplace else. Hell, it’s even a little nicer. So what if he brought me here? We’re just a couple of guys, having a couple of drinks together._ He set the mug down with a little more force than he intended. _Nothing strange about that._

“You want another drink?” Zelos asked, reaching out for the mug.

“Sure,” he replied. His hand was already on his glass, but as he pushed it aside, their hands tangled in each other, clumsy and unintentional. The heat behind Lloyd’s eyes made him feel dizzy as he backed off. _Come to think of it, Z and I rarely hang out together without Colette. There are the in-between periods, sure, but...this is on a whole other level._

“You don’t have to,” he said, but signaled the bartender anyway, saluting a finger to his head, then to the mug. Her response was immediate, and she kept the two in the corner of her eye as she went to the tap. “You doing okay? You look a little hazy.”

“What? No, I’m fine. Completely fine,” Lloyd said adamantly.

Zelos reached out to rub his shoulder, patting it a couple times. “I’m not here to get you drunk, you know. If I were, I’d have started you out with shots.”

Lloyd snorted. “I’m so bad with shots. Dad drinks whiskey, and I always have to have it with water to smooth it out.”

“Whiskey and water?” Zelos shook his head. “That’s nasty. I’d rather take the shot. You just throw it down your throat, no fuss.”

“I can’t--I just can’t swallow that all at once.”

“In bed, maybe.” Zelos hid himself behind his glass, shoulders shaking from repressed laughter.

“Oh, fuck off!” Lloyd exclaimed, kicking him in the shins.

“Hey, hey, it was right there! I had to!” Zelos jumped from the bar stool, hopping on one foot as he circled around him. “You were wide open!”

He rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” He took another haul of beer as Zelos caged him into the bar. He stood with one hand on the bar, the other found its resting place on Lloyd’s thigh. _He’s in a good mood, at any rate._

“Want to go dance?” he asked, tapping his fingers on his leg. “Come on--”

Zelos snagged his wrist and yanked him off the bar stool, out into the dense fray of bodies on the small dance floor. “H-hey wait, I can’t dance--” Lloyd pleaded.

“Neither can I,” Zelos replied, his hips swaying to the heavy beat.

Lloyd pouted. “Come on…!”

“Relax, relax,” he coaxed, twirling close around him. “Just let the music move you, or else I’m going to~.”

“Goddess…” Lloyd half-heartedly shuffled his feet to the beat, much to Zelos’ amusement. “Are you enjoying my-- _ah!”_

A person behind him shoved back into Lloyd, causing him to topple forward. Zelos caught him before he fully tripped, arms around his torso. “Easy!” he exclaimed as he steadied him. Lloyd felt his fingers twitch at his sides, reluctant to let go, and he looked up to him. Multi-colored lights flickered on his face in the dim dance floor, but he could still see the smirk on Zelos’ face. His hair had fallen a little out of place--mostly his bangs--and they were haphazardly askew across his forehead. _I...don’t know what to do._

_(“Please, Col, I don’t want to dance…”_

_“Come on, Lloyd! It’ll be fun. Here, let me show you--”_

_Her hands wrapped around his shoulders, as she swayed back and forth, giggling in the process. Cautiously, his own hands wandered to the curve of her waist, increasing her movement, as he lost himself in her eyes, her laughter...)_

His own hesitation gave Zelos time to step away from him, his eyes never leaving Lloyd's.

_What should I do?_

The alcohol made him feel hazy, as he clumsily reached back out to him. Amused, Zelos took his hand and spun him around, dipping him enough to rely on him to catch his balance, which he thankfully did. "So, now do you want to dance with me?" Zelos said.

He slowly tilted him back up, keeping a loose beat with the music, and he began to move Lloyd to the beat as well. Their faces were close, and Lloyd couldn't take his eyes off him. He felt his breath in his ear, the smell of his cologne flaring his nostrils, the heat of his hands on his waist.

_How do I do this?_

Lloyd's own hands found Zelos' hips, thin as they were, and found a home for his palms, his fingers fussing around the belt loops of his jeans.

_(does it matter?_

_It's all the same, isn't it?)_

The music shifted.

Zelos looked up, broken from his trance. "A slow song? Really?" He listened closer to the acoustic melody playing over the speakers. "Shit, I haven't heard this in a while." He kept contact, but jerked his head back in gesture. "We can head back to the bar. Or...keep dancing," he added as an afterthought.

"We can...stay," Lloyd said, his voice wavering. He fidgeted at Zelos' hips. Around them, other couples had paired up to dance together.

_(didn't you want to be_

_closer?)_

Zelos chuckled. "Sure." He drew him to his chest, this time with his hands around his shoulders. This time, Lloyd was close enough to feel his heartbeat against him. It was racing, erratic.

_(is this what you want?)_

_I don't know._

_It feels good._

The speakers sang around them, as Lloyd leaned his head on his shoulder:

_"And don't it make you sad to know that life is more than who we are?_   
_You grew up way too fast, and now there's nothing to believe,_   
_And reruns all become our history._   
_A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio,_   
_And I won't tell no one your name..."_

He looked up at Zelos, who was nearly blissful in his own headspace above him. When he was spotted, however, his grin toned down, and he rolled his fingers against his shoulders. _Zelos._

_I..._

The song ended.

"Hey," Zelos said softly, right into Lloyd's ear. "Let's head back."

He swallowed. "Okay."

Reluctantly, they released each other from their hold, although Zelos was determined to keep some contact with him. An arm around his back was his choice, and in Lloyd's own warm fog he was floating in, he leaned against him for support. They walked across the bar, out the door, and back up the stairs, with Zelos leading. He left his hand loose behind him, and Lloyd felt compelled to take it.

The cool night air hit him like a wall, and he struggled to keep steady. "You going to be okay to ride?" Zelos asked.

"I'll be fine," Lloyd said, adjusting his jacket. He stared up at the sky--despite the light pollution, a few stars twinkled down at him from above. _I feel so warm. I think I had too much to drink._

“Lloyd.”

His heart jolted. _All he did was say my name._ “Yeah?”

The motor was already running, and Zelos was already on it. He patted the seat behind him as Lloyd slowly wandered back over to the bike. When he mounted it, he automatically wrapped his arms around Zelos’ waist. “Comfy?” he asked.

“Mmm.”

Zelos patted his thigh, and they rolled out onto the street.

* * *

 

Lloyd could hear crickets chirping as they pulled up beside his apartment. He squinted up to see a light still on upstairs. “Colette’s still awake…?” he murmured.

“Shit, it’s late too,” Zelos said, putting his goggles away. “I won’t keep you here--”

“You’re not staying the night?”

He smirked, and ruffled Lloyd’s hair. It was much more affectionate than usual, as his hand slipped down the back of his neck before retreating. “I’d love to, but I hate leaving the bike out overnight,” he said. “I’ll come by tomorrow.”

“I’m going to be in Iselia.”

“Well then, I’ll stick around on Monday,” Zelos said. “We’ll have some quality time to talk, yeah?” He made sure to make eye contact with him, his gaze very steady. _Talk about...what?_

_(us?)_

Lloyd swallowed. “Yeah, sounds good. Zelos, I…”

“Hm?”

He waited for a response, and a dozen things flew around in Lloyd’s head, noisy in the velvet darkness. “I, ah, had a good time tonight,” he decided on.

_(I want to do this again)_

“I’m glad,” Zelos said quietly, and opened his arms to embrace Lloyd. They hugged each other tight, longer than anything they had shared before. The closeness was welcome and familiar, and he found himself wanting more, even as they separated briefly. Zelos’ eyes wandered from his eyes to his lips several times. Lloyd found himself doing the same. _What should I do? What should I do?_

_Is this it?_

In the end, Zelos stepped away, drawing a line with his sneaker on the tar and covering his mouth. “I know,” he said, “not right now. I’ll catch you later, Lloyd.”

He jumped back on the bike and immediately revved it up, leaving Lloyd on the side of the road, watching him spin away into the distance. _Not right now? What’s that supposed to mean?_

_I don’t fucking know anymore…_

_Did I…_

_really want to kiss him?_

He sighed as he jogged up the stairs, finding the door unlocked. Colette was sitting up on the futon, almost exactly where they left her, with the same book in her hand. “Hey, welcome back!” she greeted. A smile was there, but it was waning, and her eyes were heavy lidded and tired. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, it was a good time,” Lloyd said, sitting next to her on the edge of the futon. His hands were laced in his lap--somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to look at her. “Went out to this bar in Meltokio. It was called Dungeon or something, Z seemed to know everyone there.”

“I see,” she replied. “What did you do?”

“You know, typical stuff. We talked, drank, danced.” _We danced together. Slow danced._

She snickered. “Zelos got you to dance? I could barely make you move at the summer dance.”

He smirked and shook his head. “Yeah, he did, somehow.” Lloyd glanced up at the clock--it was past midnight. “Col, it’s late, you didn’t have to stay up for me.”

“W-well, I just wanted to make sure you...got home okay.” Her voice began to hesitate, growing quieter with each sentence.

“Did you call Genis or Sheena?”

“N--well, Sheena said she was busy, so....” She trailed off, and Lloyd finally turned to her. Her hands were wringing her wrists, and her eyes were steadily downcast.

“Colette, look at me.” Her head raised, hair spilling past her shoulders. Her eyes were glassy and unfocused. “Are you upset that I didn’t tell you about us going out?”

“No!” she snapped, then backtracked, looking away. “W-well...I would’ve appreciated it, I guess.” She sighed sharply. “Did you two do...anything else?”

Adrenaline spiked through the back of his neck. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“Just…” She huffed, and hugged her arms. “N-never mind.”

“No, what is it?” He felt his heart stuttering in his chest.

Colette’s lips curled inward, pondering, and she took another deep breath. “I-I don’t know. I know we all spend time together a lot, but it’s been a while since...since we’ve had a day to do anything, just you and me. And I...I know how Zelos gets with you, and…”

_And what? And what?_ Lloyd reached out and stroked the side of her hair. _Colette…_

_(you can’t have them both)_

She leaned into his hand. “I...no, forget it. Really, forget I said anything,” she said, fiercely rubbing her eyes. “I think I’m just tired, I had a bunch of tests this week and I’m burned out.”

“Aw, hon,” he assured, scooting closer. “You didn’t mention anything about that.” _Is that really it?_ “You should really be in bed.” He yawned loudly. “Me too, actually…”

“Um, actually…” She began to fidget. “Would you mind if I...slept with you tonight?”

He choked on his own spit. A flash of what he imagined her naked body to be like flickered through his brain. “Wh-what? In...in my twin?”

“We don’t have to,” she said, her cheeks a soft pink. “The futon is out, and it’d be more roomy. I just…” She paused, and the air felt thick around them in her hesitation. Colette’s voice was very tentative when she finally spoke again. “I just...want some comfort. Th-that’s all.”

“Of...of course,” Lloyd replied, his tone matching hers.

She smiled warmly at him, shy and genuine, before swinging her legs around to the edge of the futon and standing up. As he watched her shuffle around the corner, a thought suddenly struck him. “Col?”

“Yeah?”

“We aren’t...going to do anything, right?” He felt silly as soon as he spoke.

“Oh, no!” She laughed, high pitched and high strung. “Zelos has really rubbed off on you, hasn’t he?”

She disappeared around the corner, and he chuckled to himself as he shrugged off his jacket. _Maybe he has,_ he thought. _Maybe...I want him to._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DATE NIGHT! I hope you all enjoyed that. If you've ever had to come to terms with your own sexuality, you kind of get the same "????" thoughts Lloyd gets this whole time. At least, I did. The bar's location comes from a hole in the wall on Boylston Street in Boston by Berklee campus. It's actually a set of dungeon like practice rooms. I chose to use a slightly less cliche slow song in here. I prefer Name over Iris anyway. Let's see, what else...man, I think of all this meta while I'm writing it, but by the time I get to the notes section, I forget literally everything. Lloyd is not as straight as he thinks, that's the point. Next chapter: Lloyd continues to have conflicting feelings! And boners? STAY TUNED...


	26. Sleepless

_(I think I’m in Iselia. That’s what it feels like, anyway._

_I’m with Colette in the back of my pickup truck. She’s talking, but I can’t really process what she’s saying. I keep drifting in and out. I try to focus on her, but even she blurs in my head._

_“Lloyd,” she says to me._

_She touches my face, and we kiss. Somehow, I can feel it all through my face and my body. She’s beautiful._

_We part. In this space of time, she’s morphed into Zelos. “What?” I say. The sentiment is thick in my throat, and doesn’t want to come out._

_“What’s the matter?” he says. His voice sounds like it’s underwater. He pulls me closer to him and I accept, pressed against his chest. We kiss again, harder. I want to taste him…_

_My vision warps and he’s turned back into Colette, but the feeling doesn’t fade. I pull her against me and we continue to kiss. She’s not wearing a top, and my hand slides down the curve of her waist._

_We part and they’re both in front of me, both topless. They smile at me and touch my face. “Lloyd,” they say in unison. Their presence shifts together, like the sensation when crossing one’s eyes._

_“Wait...wait…”)_

Lloyd was groggily pulled out of his dream, stirring enough to sit up in bed. Beside him, Colette rolled over, back pressed right up against his side. _She’s right that it’s comforting to sleep next to someone,_ he thought, his hand absently reaching down to his boxers. _I’m just glad my bed was bigger than we thought. Man, what a weird dre--_

_...Oh._

He had gone to adjust himself, but what he found was something more intrusive. He glanced down at the bed sheet, his eyes adjusting to the non-light, and saw a peak in the sheets at his groin. _Crap, out of all the nights to have_ this _happen._ His head started to throb. _I am too tired and hungover for this. And I can’t take care of it here, while she’s with me…_

His position was unfortunate--he had given Colette the outside, while he was on the inside spot, closest to the wall. He tossed the covers off him, and carefully shimmied his way down to the edge of the bed, erection threatening to poke out of the hole in his boxers. _Don’t wake her up, don’t wake her up..._ In one simple motion, he rose from the bed, all but tiptoeing out the door into the bathroom. He snapped the light and squeezed his eyes shut against the onslaught of brightness, shutting the door behind him.

Lloyd grasped for his toothbrush at the sink, fumbled the faucet on, and stared at his bleary-eyed self in the mirror as he half-heartedly jammed the brush in his mouth. _I was kissing her, then him, then they were each other, then they were separate, Martel, Martel…_ He sighed heavily. _And apparently I got off on it. What the hell is that about?_

_And yet...._

His erection was subsiding, and he smoothed down his boxer shorts in an attempt to speed up the process. _Does it have any merit? I...maybe? Like…_

_I love being with Colette, I always have. We’ve...always been together. Through everything. I know that I always want to be by her side. And, when things are right, be close and intimate with her, too. She’s beautiful and kind, and she’s such a sweetheart._

_And then...there’s Zelos._

_He’s an ass, but he can be decent too, if last night meant anything. He’s suave, full of himself, and I’m honestly not sure if he takes anything seriously. I wanted to help him when I first met him, and he’s a lot more open than he was before. Even with all the trauma he's been through, and very clearly still going though, he’s...charming. And there’s a part of me that wants to get closer to him, too. It felt good when he...held me, like that. It felt right._

He spit into the sink. _But it feels that way with Colette, too._

Lloyd rubbed his eyes and shut off the light, slowly making his way back to his room in the dark. _Damn it, this shouldn’t even be an issue. I’ve never even thought about a guy like this before. I’ve always had Colette. What makes him so different?_ He leaned in the door frame, watching the soft rise and fall of Colette’s sleeping body. _He came out of nowhere. But he’s here stuck in the middle with us, and now I’m standing here_

_wondering what I am at all._

He shook his head. _Does this mean...I’m bisexual, or something? When you’re attracted to both men and women. But really, it’s only for Zelos. But what about Colette? Damn it. Damn it! I wish I didn’t feel like I have to choose. They’re both my friends, too. Does Colette feel anything for Zelos? He flirts with her all the time. He’s so smooth...but then again, if he really wanted her, why did he take me out? And slow dance with me? Is he trying to fuck with me?_

_...No, I...don’t think so. I just...don’t. It felt real._

Lloyd walked back to the bed and climbed on from the end, spooning close to Colette, one arm wrapped around her waist. Consciously or not, she scooted up against him. _I swear I had this all figured out. This was the one constant thing I had--whether I had a career, or traveled, or just followed Dad in his footsteps...I always had Colette. And now...I don’t know what to do._

The LED clock on the nightstand read 3:23 AM. _Shit, it’s too late to think about this._ Already, drowsiness had closed his eyes, as the warmth from Colette’s body lulled him into a light doze. _I’ll...sleep on it. Just sleep on it, and see how I feel in the morning. Zelos said he wanted to talk so...maybe that’ll change something. I don’t know._

_If there were just a way to have both…_

_I’d take it._

Lloyd’s breathing evened out, and he drifted into a heavy sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a quick one, just a bridge between chapters. My S.O. says brushing your teeth is a sure-fire way to get rid of a boner. Next time: a day with Zelos and Colette!


	27. Sunday Walk

Colette’s cell phone alarm beeped persistently on Lloyd’s nightstand, five o’clock in the morning, right on time. She woke suddenly, eyes caked with sleep, and quickly shut it off, pressing ten different buttons at once. Thankfully, Lloyd remained undisturbed beside her, one arm around her side as he slept, slow and steady. _Like a log,_ she thought, smiling as she slipped out of his grasp. Her smile faded a little, however, as she watched him. _Lloyd, did I make you feel guilty last night? I didn’t mean to. I…miss you sometimes, that’s all. Is that strange? We live together…_

_What’s that noise?_

A sizzling sound faded in from the kitchen, and she slipped out of Lloyd’s grasp to wander out of bed. Rubbing her eyes, she was greeted by Zelos, in a tanktop and short-shorts, hovering over the stove with his hair in a ponytail. “G’morning, princess,” he said with a smile, just loud enough to be heard over the frying pan. “I’m making--” He yawned, long and loud. “--breakfast.”

“What? Zelos, it’s five in the morning…” Colette replied, yawning as well. She peered over his shoulder as he shuffled a mess of eggs in the frying pan with a spatula.

“Didn’t I say I’d make it up to you?” he said, smoothing her hair with a free hand. “So, here I am.”

“You…” Colette gazed up at him--he seemed paler than usual, marked by the dark circles under his eyes, but she still felt a stuttering in her chest when he smiled down at her. “You’re...coming with me?”

“Mmhmm.” He patted the shorts he was wearing. “I even dug these babies out for the occasion. I’m going to warn you, I’m not much for running. Or any strenuous physical activity.”

“We don’t have to _run,”_ Colette said, circling around him. “Maybe a little by the field.” She glanced back over at his pan, which he had stopped stirring. “You’re burning the eggs.”

“Oh, shit!” He quickly pulled the pan off, barely missing Colette as he swung around, searching for a plate on the kitchen table. In her dodging, she stumbled back into the refrigerator, causing it to rattle. “Are you okay, honey?”

“I’m fine,” she replied. _Out of all the pet names he calls me, “honey” is the one that gives me the the biggest rush. Is it because Lloyd sometimes uses it for me too?_ She sighed to herself.

He spooned the eggs onto the plate, shaking his head and snickering. “Sheesh, at this rate, we’re going to wake up Lloyd.”

_Lloyd…_ “He’s a heavy sleeper. I doubt he’d wake up if the house was on fire.” She sat down in front of her scrambled eggs, pushing them around with her fork. _Lloyd. You went out with him last night, didn’t you, Zelos? I saw you two when you pulled in late last night._

_Did you have fun?_

“Here’s some coffee too,” Zelos said, setting down a mug in front of her. "You like yours sweet, right?"

"Yeah." She took a careful sip--the bitterness was masked by a sweet, milky taste. _It's just right._

Zelos leaned on the counter, sipping his own coffee, when the toaster oven behind him made a bright, ringing noise. He jumped, barely spilling his coffee, and smiled sheepishly at Colette. "T-toast," he said, turning around to retrieve it. "Thank Martel this isn't burnt."

He tossed one piece onto her plate--it wasn't _burnt,_ but it was definitely on the browner side--and proceeded to take the other piece and eat it whole and dry. "This is my third cup of coffee today," he said, crumbs spilling down his front. "I am going to fucking crash and burn later."

"Zelos..." She got up to retrieve butter from the fridge, pouting at him as she did so. "You really didn't have to--"

"I wanted to," he interrupted. "We left you behind last night, and I wanted to make my angel smile."

_"My angel"._ Colette felt her ears burning, and she nearly missed the seat as she sat back down. He was smiling at her as she did, and she forced herself to focus on her eggs. _He's being nicer than usual. There's something different about it, though. She snuck a look back up at him. It's more...deliberate._

"When do you have to be at this place?" Zelos asked, taking a long swig of coffee.

"Six. I usually walk to the animal shelter, so it takes me this long..." The clock on the microwave blinked at her. "Yeah, we have to get going--"

"We can take my car," he said, walking over and putting a hand on her shoulder. "No rush. Eat your gourmet breakfast, prepared by yours truly~." He took a small bow.

Colette giggled. "Yes, gourmet scrambled eggs and toast." _He rarely cooks at all, and yet here he made this for me...I wonder._

She found herself staring at him, and she was caught very quickly. He responded by winking at her before turning away. A flare of pink splotched his cheeks, making his freckles stand out. _Ah...he's cute like this, when he's not really trying._

_I would--_

"Are we ready to go, kitten?" Zelos asked.

"I still need to get dressed," she said, rising. She realized she was in nothing but an over-sized t-shirt and panties, and hoped that he wouldn't look too closely. "I'll--um, I'll be just a minute."

"Is that Lloyd's shirt?" he asked, as she tried to escape to the hall.

_Shoot._ "Y-yeah, one he doesn't wear a lot,” she replied. Zelos' eyes sparkled with amusement as they wandered down her body. Before he could enjoy himself further, she scuttled down the hall, ducking into her room and shutting the door.

_Oh, of course he would notice, of course he would!_ she thought, yanking the shirt over her head and searching for a bra. _He's not oblivious like Lloyd can be. Zelos picks up on things, but only when it's convenient for him. It’s strange. This whole week has been strange._

She pulled her own hair into a high ponytail, checking it in the mirror on her desk. _It feels like something’s going to happen soon._ In a t-shirt and shorts, she puffed out her cheeks at her own reflection. _We’ll see._

* * *

 

They arrived at the Tethe’alla Humane Society earlier than usual, given the use of Zelos’ car. Colette bounced up to the front desk, where the receptionist--a girl of similar age with dark blonde hair with flower clips on each side of her head--sat waiting. “Hi, Colette!” she greeted, then leaned over the counter, eyes flickering back from her to Zelos, who was trailing behind. “Is that him?” she whispered.

“Huh?” Colette glanced back. Zelos was shuffling his feet, staring at the surroundings. The shorts he was wearing made him look unusually tall, especially against the shorter ceiling. “Oh, that’s Zelos, yeah.”

Upon hearing his name, Zelos approached the desk and leaned against it, drumming his fingers on the desk. “Hey, cutie,” he said to her. “Shame you’re cooped up in here on such a nice day like this~.”

“Oh hoho, he’s just like you told me,” she replied, hiding her mouth with her hand. “Colette talks about you all the time.”

“Marta!” Colette scolded, fists balled on the counter.

“Does she?” Zelos said, bumping her lightly with her hip. “Only good things, I hope~.”

Marta was beaming, looking between the two of them. “First Lloyd, and now him? Aren’t you lucky?”

Colette wished to burst into flames on the spot. “I-it’s not like...c-could you please just bring out the dogs for us?” she huffed, fists balled at her side.

“Okay, okay,” Marta replied, hopping down from her seat and running around the desk to the back. The desk itself was tall, but Marta revealed herself to be shorter than Colette.

As she left, Zelos snickered and rubbed her shoulder. “Aren’t you a flustered little bunny~?” he teased. “I can’t see how Lloyd keeps his hands off you.”

“Yeah, well--” she began, her mouth gaping, then she shut it, her face still heated. _We go back and forth, between being so close to lovers, then nothing more than friends._ “It’s just…” _It keeps happening, like it did in high school--_

_(“L-Lloyd.”_

_“Mmm?”_

_“We should...stop.”_

_“Are you okay?” He kissed her cheek and pulled her close to him, both of them bare chested, her dress pulled down to her waist. The air felt strangely chilly around her shoulders, and the crickets seemed louder than before._

_“I-I’m fine--! P-promise. I just don’t...want to get carried away.”_

_Their foreheads touched. “Sure.”_

_“I don’t want to...mess things up...you know? You really...mean a lot to me, Lloyd.”_

_“You do too.” He stroked the edge of her neck, work hardened hands on soft, tender skin. “Colette…”)_

_\--but...what if it’s already too late?_

“Hmm?” Zelos poked her cheek. “You need to finish your sentences, kitten.”

“N-nothing,” she said, shaking her head.

He wasn’t convinced. “Really, what is it?”

_Zelos, please..._ ”It’s nothing, r-really...I can...tell you later, if you want.”

“Fine, I’ll settle.”

Just in time, Marta came whirling back out with four dogs in tow--two small ones, one black and white and the other a deep ginger; one medium sized and fluffy, and one huge gray dog with wiry fur. They were nearly dragging her across the floor with their excitement, and all four dogs gravitated toward Colette. “A little help?” she squawked, desperately clinging to the leashes.

“Got it.” Colette rushed over and dropped to her knees, immediately garnering all of their attentions at once. “Hello, everyone! Aren’t you good puppies? Yes, you are!” All of their panting faces, eager to greet her, washed away her apprehensions and worries.

“You’re the favorite,” Marta said, brushing fur from her thighs. “They don’t get this excited with anyone else.”

Colette giggled, and examined the largest dog’s ears as he patiently sat in front of her. “Oh, did Motley’s ear infection clear up?”

“Yeah, it did--”

“Motley? What kind of name is that?” Zelos was distant from the dogs, still leaning against the front desk. Colette couldn’t shake the feeling that his eyes were really only on her.

“Oh, I need to introduce you!” Colette rounded up all the leashes and walked them over to him. “The biggest one is Motley, then this fluffy guy is Dennis, then Apple’s the red one, and Winnie’s the smallest one.”

Zelos raised an eyebrow, but gave all the dogs a scratch behind their ears in good humor. “Er, nice to meet you?”

Marta slid over to Colette, as Zelos was preoccupied. “No Noishe today?” she asked quietly.

“I told you, on weekends he’s up with Dirk in Iselia, so it’s harder for him to come by,” Colette said. “Same reason why Lloyd doesn’t come with me.”

“I thought you said it was because he can’t wake up?”

“There’s that too…”

Marta giggled. “You know, he’s really cute,” she said, nodding to Zelos. “If you pass him up, can you give me his number?”

Adrenaline shot through her. “N-no,” she said immediately, then found herself backtracking. “I mean, I don’t think he’d...I’d...just, he’s a handful--”

She nodded knowingly. “Oh, I get it, you just want all the cute ones to yourself--!”

“Marta…”

“Ah, down, down!” The two were interrupted by Zelos being jumped on by three dogs at once. Colette rushed over and pushed the biggest one off him, as the others soon followed suit.

“We should go, they’re getting antsy,” Colette said. “Here, Z, you take Dennis and Winnie, I’ll take the others.” She untangled the mess of leashes and handed two off to him, while reeling in the largest dog and the very eager small one, already stretching its collar. “We’ll be back later!”

“Okay!” Marta called, as Colette and Zelos fumbled their way out the door, dogs in tow.

As they met the fresh air, the dogs took off, tugging Zelos way ahead. Colette managed to stay firm, holding her pets back. “Don’t let them drag you!” she called.

“Easier said than done!” he replied, yanking back. “Come on, work with me here!”

Watching him struggle was both frustrating and amusing for her at the same time. _I guess he’s never walked a dog before, let alone two at once._ “If I can walk all of these guys by myself, you can walk two.”

“Who said I couldn’t?” he insisted, both leashes wrapped several times around his wrists. However, by this method, he seemed better able to keep them in check. “Now, you had something to tell me~?”

“What?” she asked. His look was persistent, his ponytail bouncing against his neck.

“I was curious why you and Lloyd haven’t shacked up yet.”

“O-oh…” _Not this again..._ Her pace quickened. “I...we just work really well as friends, I guess.”

He barked laughter. “C’mon. I see the way you two look at each other. You can’t tell me you haven’t considered it.”

She bit her lip. _Is it really that...obvious?_ Colette’s eyes stuck to the sidewalk. _Oh, get real, Colette! You slept with him last night, spooned together, and you’ve been reminiscing again about the night of the summer dance. But…_

Zelos was still looking at her, cool blue eyes meeting her own deep blue ones. Her eyes were drawn to the way his collar bone etched itself at the base of his neck, covered in a thin line of freckles. They dotted up through his neck, fading around his mouth and jaw, but returning on his cheeks. She watched his lips curl into a small smile. _But…_ “There’s always something...holding us back,” she said quietly.

“Oh?” He tilted his head, only his arms jerking to keep the dogs in check. The smallest one barked, nose pointed ahead to a large, empty soccer field.

The wide, empty expanse of cool, green grass called to Colette. It was more open than her head felt. “Come on,” she muttered, and broke into a run, leaving Zelos behind.

She heard him protest, but it was distant as she felt the grass thud beneath her, dogs keeping up at her side. The biggest one was the most eager, pacing a half step ahead of her. She sprinted to keep up, and at her top speed, let the leashes go. The dogs kept by her side as they entered the center of the field, and she yanked out her ponytail, letting the wind comb through it. _I can run here,_ she thought, _but everything still stays the same._

_I know what’s holding me back this time._

_Instead of one, there’s two…_

At the center of the field, she broke stride and let herself topple into the grass, rolling around in the morning dew. The early blue sky beamed down upon her, and her heart thudded dully in her chest. She found laughter bubbling up inside. _Is that all it is? Too much love?_

The dogs eventually all came circling back around to her, followed by Zelos, who followed suit in falling at her side. His face was beat red. “You had me worried there, angel,” he panted, wiping his brow. “I thought you were going to take off without me. Wouldn’t be the first time…”

She shook her head, sitting up. “I...just wanted to run,” she said. “It feels so free out here, especially when they’re running at your side.” She patted the head of one who had curled up beside her. Two of the others were playing, while the medium dog had found pleasure in rolling around in the grass.

Zelos looked around. “Yeah, I can see that,” he said, scooting closer to her. He positioned his arm so it was right behind her back, and their sides were almost touching. _He always sits so close,_ she thought. Her heartbeat kept its pace, even as her exhaustion from running faded. _He’s comfortable, just like Lloyd is. They’re different, but...similar, in a way._ _Zelos…_

_(what would it be like_

_to be close to you?_

_to hold you?_

_to kiss you?)_

The thoughts on their own pumped adrenaline through her veins. _But...I have Lloyd, right? I already know what that’s like. Will I get the chance again?_

_Will it be enough?_

“Colette,” Zelos said, his voice smooth and low. When she turned her head to him, she found it to be only a hand’s length away. “Are you worried about Lloyd?”

“N-no.” Her tone attempted to match his. “Well, I...I’m worried I lost my chance. That I waited too long and now he’s…” _Drawn to you. Like I am, right now. Why are you so close to me? My chest feels tight…_

“Hm?” His body had shifted so it was fully facing her, one hand close to her thigh, the other closer to her own hand, propping itself up on the ground. He was reaching, but not quite. And yet, his gaze never wavered.

“Zelos…” She licked her lips, then bit them. “How do you feel about him? About Lloyd?” _About me?_

He smirked and paused for a moment, mulling the question over. Colette could not break away from his eyes, and she resisted the urge to fidget, to wring her hands like she wanted to. She could hear the dogs playing in the back of her awareness, but it seemed trite compared to the presence in front of her. _I feel like I’m hypnotized. I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve never...been drawn so suddenly and intensely to someone like this before. Lloyd has always been there, but this...is so different…_

“I like him,” he said at last, and she felt his hand brush her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “I like you too, angel.”

In the extended space of time, they had managed to draw themselves even closer to each other, their foreheads almost touching. Colette felt her eyes fluttering down, and as they were open, they focused on Zelos’ lips. _What...is that even supposed to mean? I already know he likes both of us, we’re all friends. We’ve spent so much time together since we’ve met, and I_

_we’re_

_so close_

_so close…_

_“Ring, ring…”_

Colette felt her phone buzzing in her back pocket. _Oh._ The fog cleared, the moment was broken, and Zelos sat up just enough so they could see eye to eye clearly. His hand had wandered from her face down to her waist, before dropping at her side. “Th-that’s…” she stuttered, fumbling for her phone. “H-hey, Lloyd,” she answered, struggling to keep her hand steady as she held the phone up to her ear.

_“Hey, Col,”_ he said. He still sounded groggy, further emphasized with a yawn. _“Where’d you put my jeans? I can’t find them anywhere…”_

“Oh, um, check the basket beside Zelos’ bed--I mean, the futon,” she replied, eyes darting. _My chest is going to burst right open,_ she thought as Zelos snickered beside her.

_“It might as well be his bed…”_ Lloyd replied, chuckling. _“Lemme see...here’s the basket...oh yeah, they were at...the bottom here.”_ Rustling could be heard over the phone. _“I still don’t know how you get all the crap off these.”_

“I-it’s just a washing machine, the soap d-does it for you,” she replied, hastily tucking her hair behind her ear.

_“True. Hey, you okay? You sound a little out of it.”_

“Oh! Oh, w-we just...just got done running with the dogs!” she scrambled, holding the speaker away from her mouth to sigh briskly. “Zelos came out with me…”

He gestured to her, and took the phone from her hand, his fingers stroking the side of her palm as he did so. “Hey, handsome, I’m taking good care of your girlfriend here,” he said, winking at her. Colette shook her head. _We’re not, though! If we were, I don’t know if I would’ve been able to deal with_

_(almost kissing him)_

_that…_

She could hear Lloyd’s garbled protest as Zelos grinned wide. “Yeah, yeah. Hope you’re not trying on any of my clothes. Though you _would_ look pretty hot in a pair of skinny jeans,” he said. “Colette thinks so too, see?” He thrust the phone back at her.

“Huh? Zelos!” she exclaimed, then put her attention back to the phone. “Y-you look fine in whatever pants you wear…”

_“He’s teasing, don’t worry, hon,”_ he said. _“When will you be back?”_

“I don’t know, I still have to take the dogs back to the shelter,” she said.

_“Ah. I might miss you then. I’m ready to head out to Iselia.”_

“I-it’s okay, I’ll see you when you get home.” Zelos had scooted around so he was behind her, his chin perched on her shoulder.

“Sounds good. Talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

The line cut off, and she rested the phone in her lap. “That was pretty fantastic timing,” Zelos purred in her ear.

Colette squeaked and jerked back, plopping back into the grass and attracting the two smaller dogs at her side. Zelos laughed and sat her up, making his way back around to face her. To her own surprise, she found herself laughing too, caught in his rare sunniness and as a partial relief to her nervous system. _He’s so cute when he smiles, and when he laughs. I wouldn’t say it happens rarely but...not nearly often enough._

_I feel dizzy…!_

Zelos offered her his hand, and they rose up from the grass, each dusting the dirt and weed shavings off their legs. Taking their cue, the dogs also had gathered around them, leaving Colette to sort out their leashes and separate them, two by two. She gave two to Zelos, and he took them in one hand, holding out his other. “Shall we?” he asked with a crooked smile.

“Mmm.” With a breath of hesitation, she gave him his own hand, and their fingers laced together, arms hanging at each other’s sides.

The dogs were more docile on the way back, keeping at their caretaker’s sides, leaving Colette to stew in her own head. _Last time we did this was...for his birthday, at the movie night. He slipped his hand into mine, and kept holding it through the rest of the movie._

_(who’s it going to be?)_

_Lloyd used to be more possessive about me with Zelos, but he’s...not so much, anymore. This is just how he is. So, why does this feel...different?_

Zelos head was pointed toward the sky, smiling at the sun. His pace was easy and slow. _I love it when you’re happy,_ she thought. _I want to make sure you’re...always happy. I want that for you._

_(but you want it for Lloyd, too, don’t you?)_

_Of course I do…_

_(so who’s it going to be?)_

_Ah._

“We should take more walks like this,” Zelos commented, drumming his fingers against the top of her hand. “The sunshine suits you.”

She held her breath to keep herself from making embarrassing squeaking noises. “Z-Zelos,” she said, very high pitched before she caught her breath. “You’re too sweet to me…”

“Why shouldn’t I be?” he replied. “You’re adorable, and you’re one of the reasons why I don’t feel like I want to die every single day.”

She could not find a reply to that, so she bit her lip and kept her eyes forward. His hand was making her feel warm all the way through her toes. _Is he just grateful? Does he want to be with me? Is he just buttering me up because he went out with Lloyd last night? Whenever I feel like I know what he’s thinking, it ends up being something else._

The shelter came into view, and her hand loosened enough to drop Zelos’ grasp. _How...did this get so complicated?_

* * *

 

“Are you sure I can’t give you a ride home?” he asked. The dogs had been safely herded away back into their cages, and Colette and Zelos found themselves outside by his sports car.

“You’re not staying the night?” she said. Her hands were laced behind her back, so he could not see her fidget.

“Not tonight, the cleaning lady’s coming by,” he replied. “Besides, you might get tired of me if I stay over too much.”

Colette shook her head, her curtain of blonde hair swaying on her shoulders. “I don’t think so,” she said.

He smiled. “I’ll be by tomorrow, after you guys get out of class,” Zelos said, tossing his keys up in the air and catching them behind his back. “We can all spend some quality time together.”

“S-sure.” _All of us. But, what about what just happened? What about how kind and affectionate you are to me, what about all that? Am I going to get any explanation?_ She grinded her teeth inside her mouth.

“Okay cutie, see you later.” He blew her a kiss on his finger, saluted, and climbed in his car. Colette watched his every movement as he turned the key, adjusted his mirror, shifted gears, and spun away out of the driveway. The image of him

_(“I like you too, angel.”)_

so close to her still resonated in her mind. It was something she couldn’t shake, something that made her giddy with the very thought. When she saw she was alone--his red car vanished in the horizon, and no one watching her through the window--she jumped up and down, holding her arms to her chest. “Oh, damn you, Zelos!” she spat, hopping a few more steps before settling into a walk. _So, now what?_

_Martel, please give me a sign on what I should do. They’re both wonderful, and I want to make both of them happy…_

_But, if I want something more,_

_I’m going to have to choose, aren’t I?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you come up to my house with your torches and pitch forks, know that I also wanted Zelos and Colette to kiss this chapter. I did not want to pull the rug out from underneath you, but it's all part of a master plan, I PROMISE. I'll probably put the draft up on the meta blog. Poor Colette is very conflicted right now--it can be very hard to be in this situation when you don't know that poly exists. Also, another ToS2 cameo, this time with Marta! We are getting so close, gang, I hope you're excited! Next chapter: Lloyd and Kratos have a chat!


	28. Office Hour

When Lloyd returned from Iselia that night, Colette had already gone to bed.

When he woke up the next morning, she had already left for class.

The morning sky was gray and flat, similar to his own mood as he wandered out of the house. _It’s weird when I don’t see her in the morning,_ he thought, yawning. _It’s even weirder that I didn’t get to catch up with her last night. I know she hasn’t been getting enough sleep lately, but...still._

_I half expected Zelos to have crashed here yesterday too, but nothing…_

He sighed at the ground as he approached his classroom building. Up the stairs, end of the hall, and into Professor Aurion’s classroom. Aurion was wearing his glasses and had two fingers against his temple, focused on his own desk. _When he wears his glasses, it usually means it’s going to be a slow day._ He tossed his backpack on the ground beside his seat and slouched himself in. _Thank Goddess. It’s such a sleepy Monday to begin with._

The clock above him clicked to the hour, and looking around the room, he found quite a few seats empty. _Apparently I’m not the only one who thinks so._

Aurion looked up and stood from his seat, the chair squeaking against the linoleum. “We will be watching a video today,” he announced, his voice somehow deeper than normal. “You’ll be answering questions on it and handing this in at the end of class.” He walked around his own desk and handed a stack of worksheets to a student sitting up front. His eyes scanned the classroom. “Although judging by today’s attendance, I am considering making it extra credit.”

He returned to his desk and opened up his laptop, slowly moving his fingers on the touch pad. With a glance below the desk, he cleared his throat. “Ramiel, could you please come and give me a hand with the projector?”

A blonde boy sighed and walked to the front as Lloyd received his own worksheet. _This happens every time when he has to use the computer,_ he thought, eyes glazing over the paper. _When are teachers going to learn how to use this equipment? I'm one to talk, though. I didn't know any better the time he asked me to help._ He flipped the paper over, grateful that the worksheet was one sided. _This is all stuff we’ve covered before. I think he’d just rather sleep in too…_

The lights switched off as the professor’s desktop showed bright on the wall behind his desk. After clicking on a DVD image, he pulled the projector sheet down and sat back down, letting the video play behind him. The narrator was almost as dry sounding as Aurion was, and Lloyd soon felt himself lulled into distraction. _Jeez, what am I going to do? The three of us haven’t spent time together since Zelos and I went out. It’s probably going to be awkward._ He was writing down words on the paper, but it was more on auto-pilot than anything else. _This is just extra credit, it doesn’t really matter._

_Colette. Zelos._

_I haven’t been able to get either of them out of my head._

_(“What’s the matter, son?” Dirk said, wiping the sweat off his brow. “Your splittin’ aim is off today.”_

_“Huh?” Mismatch chunks of wood were scattered around him, and even the log his axe was embedded in looked off kilter. “N-nothing. I just have to focus--”_

_He yanked the axe out and steadied the log with his hand, thumb in the center. With his dominant arm, he swung it up in around, pulling his hand away just in time before the blade made contact with the wood. “There. That’s better, yeah?”_

_Dirk shook his head. “Y’really shouldn’t do it that way, you’ll slice off your fingers if y’aren’t careful,” he replied. “Why don’t you take a break?”_

_“I’m fine, Dad.” None the less, he pulled off his gloves and took a chug of water from the bottle sitting by his chopping stump._

_Unconvinced, Dirk walked over to him, his own axe over his shoulder, and put an arm around Lloyd, patting his back. “You can tell me anything, lad, you know that, right?”_

_“Course I do,” Lloyd said, smiling…)_

_I can’t really tell Dad about this. It’s...too weird._

The video flickered on in front of him, but Lloyd was more drawn to the window, and how the gray clouds swirled in the sky outside. They threatened rain, but the pavement stayed dry below them, none the wiser. _I like Zelos. I like Colette. I’ve known her for longer, but Zelos feels more...passionate. New. ...Kind of scary._

_It’s a risk. Do I want to take a risk? Or something that I’ve always known?_

_What if she still says she “doesn’t want to mess anything up”? What if that worried cloud comes in her eyes when I kiss her again?_ He winced to himself. _No, I don’t want to go through that again. But when_ will _be the right time?_

_Is it going to be soon? And then Zelos…_

_I just want both of them to be happy. Is that so much to ask?_

The light clicked on, and he dully realized half the class had already turned in their worksheets and shuffled out of the classroom. Somehow, his worksheet looked full, so he scrambled out of his own seat and placed it on top of the growing pile. “Lloyd,” Aurion said, not looking up from his computer.

“Y-yeah?” he asked.

“Do you have time after class? I’d like to speak with you in my office,” he said, and offered a flicker from his deep red eyes.

_Oh, shit. What have I failed this time?_ “Okay,” Lloyd replied, desperately trying to make his voice sound casual. “Let me just let my friends know--”

“It’s nothing to be worried about,” he interrupted, as if reading his thoughts. “They can wait outside. I’ll meet you there once I...unplug everything.” His brow furrowed at his computer.

“All right.” Lloyd glanced toward the door, its window empty. _They’re usually here waiting for me already…_ He walked out and peered out into the hallway, looking both toward the end and down to the stairwell. The familiar set of red and blonde were nowhere to be found. _Really?_ He went so far as to rush down the hallway, down the stairs and to the lobby, where there still was no sign of them. _This is odd. I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time, sure. And yet._

Lloyd felt a heaviness in his chest as he made his way back up the stairs to the classroom. _Why wouldn’t they come and wait for me? Z might be sleeping in or something, but Colette…maybe she is still hurt. I’ve really got to make it up to her._

Aurion had managed to gather his materials and was waiting for Lloyd once he arrived back upstairs. “All set?” he said.

“Yeah.”

He followed him upstairs to the faculty offices, where his was at the opposite end of where Raine’s was. His office was slightly larger, although simply and neatly decorated. Several certificates hung on the walls, as well as some framed artifacts and weathered documents. His large, mahogany desk was in the center, and there was enough room for two chairs to sit on the other side of it. There were a couple picture frames sitting on his desk, but they were turned inward, where Lloyd couldn’t see. “I’m surprised your friends weren’t waiting for you today,” he commented as he sat down, placing his laptop in its designated spot.

“Yeah, me too,” Lloyd sighed, hands clasped in his lap. His shoulders were rounded over. _I can’t imagine why he’d want me in his office, especially on a day like today--_

He raised an eyebrow. “Is...everything all right?” Aurion asked.

The question felt odd to him. “Huh? Y-yeah, I...guess so,” he replied, flexing his hands against one another.

Lloyd felt his gaze bore into him. “I see. You three seem attached at the hip.”

He nodded, and anticipation crawled through him, making his toes fidget in his shoes. _Everything’s not quite all right. I hate feeling nervous about shit like this. If he cares enough to ask about them, would he care enough to know what’s bugging me?_ His eyes flicked to Aurion, who was looking in his desk for something. “Hey, professor--”

“I was going to--” Aurion said at the same time, but stopped. “What is it, Lloyd?”

He swallowed. _There’s something weird about the way he says my name._ “A-ah, it’s just…” _Well, you’ve already started._ “There is something wrong. It’s...kind of weird, but…”

He trailed off, but the professor waited, slowly closing the desk drawer. “If there is something you need to get off your chest, I am willing to listen,” he said, sitting back. “You’ve been in my classroom for a while now. If it is more personal, I am not sure if I’ll be able to help, but...I will do what I can.”

Lloyd smiled weakly. “Thanks,” he said. “It...does have to do with my friends, Colette and Zelos.”

Aurion nodded slowly, and took his glasses off, placing them on the desk. _Looks like the floor is mine. How do I even explain this…_

“So,” he started, looking to the window on the right side of the office for support. “Colette and I have been friends for a really long time. Since we were kids. We’re living together now, and we...well, we’re not dating? We never really have, but--ugh, this is stupid.”

Aurion made no verbal reply, just a slight twitch of his head, a turn of his lip, and a flash in his eye. _Not...stupid enough, apparently._

Lloyd pushed on. “Anyway, then you’ve met Zelos, the guy I had in class with me a while ago. And...we haven’t known each other for that long, really, but...I don’t know. We went out last weekend, and it’s just...thrown me for a loop. I’ve never…” He hesitated. “I’ve never had feelings for a...a guy, before. I don’t even know if that’s what it is.”

Lloyd ran a hand back through his hair. “Because I know I like Colette. But, then there’s Zelos, too. I don’t know if this is just...some weird thing that everyone goes through, or what. But, it’s there. And I don’t know...what to do with it.”

Lloyd finally made eye contact with Aurion, who only looked pensive. There was a pause, and then he leaned forward toward his desk. “You have developed feelings for two of your friends,” he stated.

“Y-yeah. I guess that sums it up.”

Aurion took a deep steady breath, clearly mulling over his words. _Shit, maybe I shouldn’t have told him about this. He’s an old man, he’s probably got a wife and kids and a mortgage to worry about, not some student’s weird love issues…_

“You spoke of Zelos quite candidly,” he said. “There aren’t many who would openly admit their attraction to someone of the same gender.”

Lloyd’s shoulders seized. “You don’t think...that’s bad, do you?” _Way to go, Lloyd. He’s probably one of those picketers by that church outside of campus, praying for the Goddess to smite the sinners. Good luck getting an A in this class..._

“No,” he said simply. “You are safer on a college campus than anywhere else, I reckon.” He looked off past Lloyd. “I admit, I have also experienced attraction to one of my male friends. That was many years ago…”

“Really? What happened?”

Lloyd could almost see the memory playing back in Aurion’s face. The nostalgia flickered, then was gone. He shook his head. “Nothing came of it, for better or for worse. The world was different then.” He refocused his attention to Lloyd. “Do you think your feelings are reciprocated?”

He blinked. “What, do I think that they’ll like me back?”

“Simply put, yes.”

“I...think so? We’re all really good friends--”

“Anyone more than the other?”

“I don’t know,” he blurted, a hand running over his mouth. “I like both of them. But if I wanted...to _be_ with them, I’d have to pick just one.” His lips thinned, and his hands clenched. “If it’s Colette, Zelos might get really depressed and...hurt himself again. And if I pick Zelos, Colette might not want to be friends with me anymore. Neither of them might want to be…” Lloyd’s leg bounced up and down feverishly. “I wish I didn’t have to choose. I don’t want to hurt either of them--”

“Lloyd.” Aurion’s voice was quiet, so much that Lloyd didn’t realize how loud his own voice had gotten until he spoke. “I do not think you give yourself enough credit.”

He opened his mouth and closed it, not knowing how to respond. Aurion continued without him. “From what little I have seen, they seem to think quite highly of you. I do not think you have to worry about losing their friendship.”

“But...what should I do?” he asked.

“That...is up to you,” he said, looking at him directly. “I believe you can find a way to compromise, if you so desire. If you discuss your feelings with them, things may become more clear.”

_That was...vague,_ Lloyd thought as Aurion sighed heavily. _I think I get it? Compromise, huh?_

“I wish I had more to offer you,” he said, “but I’m just an old historian, not a psychologist.” Their eyes met, and Lloyd felt as if Aurion had more to say, just by the weight of his stare.

But, there was nothing else.

“That’s all right,” Lloyd said, clearing his throat midway. He stood up slowly, lifting up his backpack in slow motion over his shoulder. “I’ll...think about it.”

“That’s the idea,” he replied, pulling out the small pile of worksheets from the previous class and putting his glasses back on.

Lloyd smirked. _Dry as ever._ “Thanks for listening, Professor.”

“You may call me Kratos in my office,” he replied, giving him a very small smile. “And it’s no trouble.”

_Kratos._ Lloyd nodded, a little off guard, before walking toward the door. _Wait a sec._ He turned deliberately back toward his desk. “Um, didn’t you want to talk to me about something?”  

Kratos’ eyes widened briefly, his hand twitching by his desk drawer, but the moment passed. “It can wait,” he said. “It seems you have enough to work with as it is.”

_That’s not reassuring._ “Is my homework okay?” Lloyd asked cautiously.

“It could use more attention, but it’s fine,” he said. “Go on. I’m sure your friends are waiting.”

“Y-yeah.” Lloyd readjusted his backpack and made a move more confidently toward the door. “See you next class...Kratos.”

He left the door open as he meandered down the hall, letting his body guide him out of the building. _Compromise,_ he thought. _Will a compromise even work?_

When he exited, the sky was still as gray as ever. Lloyd stared up into the swirling clouds. _I hope someone’s waiting for me at home…_

* * *

 

When Lloyd left his office, Kratos Aurion let out a long, laborious sigh. He was readjusting the papers on his desk, when a shadow outside of his office caught his eye. “Yuan,” he said, sharp enough to carry.

“Guess again.”

A lighter, authoritative tone replied to him. The short figure of Raine Sage moved into his doorway, arms crossed in a short sleeved cardigan. “Raine,” he corrected, setting the papers back down. “I thought you were teaching this period.”

She shook her head as she strolled over to his desk. “I thought I’d stop by,” she said. “What did you have to talk to Lloyd about?”

“That’s a matter of teacher-student confidentiality,” he said curtly. “Unless you were eavesdropping.”

“Like you tend to?” she replied, her lips pursed. It was accusatory, but not mean-spirited.

He took his glasses off again and pinched the nerve between his eyes. “Raine, I already apologized for that, please…”

She did not reply to this; instead, she turned one of the picture frames on his desk toward her. It was a portrait of Kratos as a much younger man, with a young woman and a child in her arms. Raine stared at the picture for a moment. “When are you going to tell him?” she asked gently.

His heart shuddered. “What?” Her hand rested on his shoulder, which was response enough. “How long...have you known?” Kratos’ voice was barely a whisper.

Raine reached behind her and shut the office door. “I thought it was strange to see you in Iselia, especially near his mother’s grave. It isn’t exactly a tourist destination.”

Kratos closed his eyes. “I did not think he was _alive_...until he entered my classroom. Even then, I could not be sure.” His hands shook as he pulled out one of the desk drawers and withdrew an envelope with “LLOYD” printed on the front. He held it in front of him, then let it flutter down onto his desk.

“Will you?” Raine asked. She circled around to the front of the desk in an effort to force Kratos to look at her. Her eyes were two pools of cool gray, similar to the sky outside.

“It won’t matter in the slightest,” Kratos said, crossing his arms. “Who am I to him, anyway? I...am only his professor.”

His chest hitched as he let his head dip down just far enough to hide his eyes. It was not enough to mask tears running down his cheeks. “I think you should, Kratos,” she said. Her hands were laced in her lap, the skin over her knuckles stretched thin and white. “For your own sake, if nothing else.”

His body protested violently, but Kratos managed to keep his exterior placid as he uncurled his arms, reached for a tissue, and wiped the escaping tears off his face. “Not now,” he choked, standing up and turning away from Raine. He couldn’t stop his tears, but his pride would not let him face her. “Once he has settled his current situation, then I will.”

He stared at the wall, as if it were the only thing grounding him. He felt Raine approach him from behind

_(Anna…)_

and flinched. “Please leave my office,” he muttered.

She stayed for a moment, then left without a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The circumstances of Kratos' paternity is much different than in canon, so I feel like he would be at least a little more willing to let Lloyd know about it. If he can, at least. Meanwhile, Lloyd is still torn. Everyone is at least a little gay in this fic, that's how it goes. Just so you know, all I've really been doing in my life is writing this, because we're so close to the Good Bits. Next chapter: a heart to heart with Colette and Sheena.


	29. Advice

Colette swung open the door to the Fujibayashi noodle shop so vigorously, that the bell rang twice; once on opening, and again when it hit the outside of the building. “Sheena!” she called.

There was an elderly couple eating together at the booth, and they both stared at her curiously. “S-sorry!” she said, bowing her head and skittering to the counter. A young man was at the counter this time, jet black hair spiked up with side bangs almost obscuring his eyes. “Um, is Sheena here today?”

He stared at her before flicking his hair out of his face with a jerk of his head. “Yes,” he huffed, walking to the kitchen door and kicking it open with his foot. “Sheena!”

“What?!” Colette heard her snap from the back.

A string of muttering she couldn’t understand grew louder until she appeared in the kitchen doorway. Her hair wanted to escape from its ponytail, fly-aways everywhere, and her apron was spotted with food stains. _“Nani sore_ \--oh, Colette!”

She sighed with relief and untied her apron, tossing it at the man at the counter. “I’m taking my break,” she grunted, then rushed out around the counter to hug Colette in a tight squeeze. “Have you come to take me away from here?” she whispered. "I am dying."

“N-not exactly,” she replied, shrinking like a mouse. “I’m sorry…”

“No, no,” Sheena insisted, letting her go and mushing her cheeks. “It’s okay. You’re making things better already.” A smile grew on her face as she watched Colette squirm. “So, what’s up?”

“I’m having...boy trouble,” she said through squished lips.

Sheena let her go immediately. “Boy trouble? _You?”_ They wandered over to a small table for two, where Colette slung off her backpack and put her chin in both hands. “I thought you of all people had that figured out years ago.”

“You really think so?” she said, staring at the table.

Sheena shook out her hair and retied it. “I think everyone who knows you thinks that you and Lloyd are already together.” She stopped dead. “Wait a second. _Wait a second._ This has to do with Zelos, doesn’t it?”

Colette slid down in her chair. “Yeah…”

Sheena groaned and slammed the table with balled fists. “Damn it! I knew it! I _knew_ he was up to something!”

“Huh?”

“Ugh, you should’ve-- _seen_ him when you guys were in here last time!” She crossed her arms. “What, so is he trying to make a move on you now?”

“Well, it’s...it’s more than just that…” _Maybe this was a mistake,_ she thought.

“More than that?” Sheena paused, then leaned in. “You’re not telling me that…”

Colette winced, squeezing one eye shut.

“You. Have a crush. On _Zelos?”_ Sheena said incredulously. Her soft, brown eyes were wide with disbelief.

“A-and...Lloyd…” she squeaked, hoping the chair she sat in would have mercy on her, and swallow her whole.

Sheena leaned back and stared at the ceiling. “Wow,” she marveled. “A real life love triangle. I never thought--”

“Don’t call it that,” Colette said, resting her head on the table. “It’s more...complicated than just that.” _But is that what it is? It leaves a bad taste in my mouth…_

“Sorry,” she apologized, some of her fire fading from her voice. “I’m stepping all over you. So, you like both of them. What’s the scoop?”

“Okay.” Colette gestured to one side, two hands squaring off a neat section of the table. “So, Lloyd and I have been getting really close again lately. Like, senior year close. It’s weird, it’s been getting like that ever since we met Zelos.” She turned herself to the other side of the table and did the same thing. “And then there’s Zelos, who’s been really sweet to me lately. He came and helped me at the shelter the other morning.”

“That’s something,” Sheena said. “Has anything...significant happened? You know, like--”

“Well, Lloyd and I slept in the same bed together the other night-- _nothing happened,”_ she clarified, as Sheena choked on her own spit. “But then yesterday, I think...Zelos wanted to kiss me…”

“Oh?”

“It was really close. But, then Lloyd called my cellphone, and he didn’t try again.”

“Did...you want to?”

“I don’t know. Kind of? It was... _exciting,”_ she said.

_(“I like you too, angel.”)_

A shiver fell through her, and she shook her head. “I don’t know! Zelos is so charming, and even though he can be a jerk sometimes, I think he’s really trying hard to hold it together for us. He’s been through so much, and he’s a lot happier than when we first met him--”

“Okay,” Sheena interrupted. “If today, right now, Zelos asked you out, what would you say?”

Colette rolled her head back and forth on her shoulders. “Ehh, I don’t know! I’d need to talk to Lloyd first. I’d want to make sure he’d be okay with it. But!” Her shoulders tensed, and her fingers raked through her hair. “I know Lloyd still likes me too! And he’s my best friend, I love being with him and living together! A-and I’ve already kind-of-sort-of turned him down once…”

“After your senior prom thing, right?” Sheena said. “I thought that was because you didn’t want to have sex.”

“Well, yeah, it was,” she said, “but I was scared...to be that close to him, too. To like, _be_ together. I-I didn’t know what to do, so I backed way off for a while. I think I hurt him by doing that.”

“You don’t have to have sex to be in a relationship. You know that, right?”

“I know; that's not the issue," Colette said. "Lloyd's not pushy like that. But, we were just going into college, and I didn’t want something to happen between us that would ruin our friendship. And somehow, by burying myself in school and not hanging out with him as much, it made us more distant.” Colette shook her head. “But, now we’re back where we started, and if I pick Zelos, then he’ll probably be even more upset--”

“Colette, you guys have been friends since you were really little,” Sheena said. “I think it’d take a lot to separate you two.”

“But, we’re adults now. I think. Enough to say so,” Colette pondered. “Things could be different."

"Think about it, though," Sheena suggested. "Now, you want to be together with him, so there...shouldn't be a problem?"

"But, Zelos," she said, defeated.

"But, Zelos." Sheena shook her head. "What does Lloyd think about him being all flirty with you?"

"Well...he used to get really heated about it, especially when he'd do it _right_ in front of him.”

Sheena slowly raised an eyebrow. “But...now he doesn’t?”

“Now he doesn’t…” Colette opened her mouth and closed it again before speaking. “Oh, there’s another thing--”

“There’s _another_ thing?”

She nodded. “Lloyd and Zelos went out by themselves last weekend. To some bar in Meltokio.”

“Oh,” Sheena started, then paused to reconsider. _“Oh.”_

“I don’t think anything happened,” Colette said quickly. Her posture had adjusted back up straight, her hands wringing in her lap. “But, Zelos flirts with him just as much as me. And I just...sometimes I _really_ feel like I’ve lost my chance, especially by the way they look at each other sometimes--”

“I don’t think Lloyd is gay,” Sheena said firmly. “Like, at all.”

“Do you really think so…?” Colette asked. _I don’t think he’d know himself unless it smacked him in the face. It took long enough for him to realize me, at least in any way I could tell._

“Yeah. I don’t think you have to worry about that,” she dismissed. _She seems convinced,_ thought Colette. _Maybe I shouldn't worry about it._ “All right, let’s list out some pros and cons. First, Lloyd.”

“Lloyd’s always been there for me since I can remember. He’s sweet and thoughtful, even if he’s slow to catch onto things sometimes.” Colette paused, her mouth feeling dry. “A-and he’s handsome.”

Sheena chuckled. “And for Zelos?”

“He’s really affectionate...and even though he can be a jerk, and he makes terrible first impressions, he's really sweet. I want to make him happy. And he says that he wants to make me happy too.” She frowned and bounced her toes under the seat. “Ah, this is too hard! I don’t want to choose!”

“You have to, that’s all there is to it.” Sheena shrugged, and then blinked up above Colette's head. "Although, you don't _have_ to."

Her ears perked. "I don't?"

"You can just forgo both of them, and not date either," she suggested.

"Oh." _For some reason, that isn't what I had in mind..._

Sheena reached out to her and patted her hand on the table, summoning Colette's from her lap. Once visible, she held them gently. "I know this has to suck," she said.

"It...does," Colette replied. "I want to make them both happy..."

"You're always doing that," Sheena said with a thin smile. "What would make _you_ happy?"

"Me?" _I...don't know. I've already tried imagining what it would be like, both with Lloyd_

_(Strong arms, his careful, tentative touch, the way his mouth crooks to one side when he smiles. He lifts me up in his arms and we sit in comfortable silence on the river bed in Iselia...)_

_And Zelos_

_(Tall, pale, and with that mane of beautiful red hair...he always has a hand on me at all times. He takes me everywhere, and I can count every freckle on his face, constellations around his eyes. He knows the right way to kiss, and does it often...)_

_And I still can't make up my mind._

"If I were you, I'd either pick Lloyd, or neither of them. You have history with Lloyd. Then again...neither may be the safest bet. Unless one of them asks you first," Sheena said. She squeezed Colette's hands quickly, then withdrew. "But, what do I know? I've never even been in a relationship before."

"You're the only one I could ask," Colette replied. "And you always give good advice."

"Thanks, cutie." She stretched back. "Are they both going to be at your place when you go home?"

"I think so."

"Good luck, then. You're going to need it." She turned around to look back toward the kitchen. "Ugh, I don't want to go back again..."

"What's going on?"

"I-it's nothing, just a really tense day," she dismissed. She kept her eyes off Colette and toward the back. "We're trying to do some housekeeping and things like that, and we can't get out of each other's way."

"That has to be a pain..."

"Just a couple more hours, then I'm free." She stood up and stretched her legs, walking ahead on her toes a couple steps. "Let me know how things go, okay?"

Colette followed suit, slowly gathering her backpack and clutching the straps after it was situated on her back. _Somehow, I feel like I'm right back where I started._   _It's not her fault, though. This is...a really complicated situation._ "I will. Um...if things get really bad, can I come over to your place?"

Sheena chuckled. "Of course you can! I don't think anything terrible is going to happen, though."

"Just in case--!"

"Aw, Col--!" Sheena rushed over and hugged her again. "I've always got your back, no matter what happens."

_Sheena...!_ "Thanks a lot," Colette said softly, resting her head on her shoulder.

"Sheena! Kitchen!"

"Damn it," she cursed, reluctantly stepping away from Colette. "Looks like I'm being summoned."

"Okay," Colette said, putting on the sunniest smile she could muster. It still felt weak on her lips. "Thanks for the advice. I'll call you tonight!"

"Okay!" Colette could tell she was also putting on her best face for her sake--her eyes gave her away, lackluster. "See you."

She turned on her heel and disappeared into the kitchen, swiftly and dutifully. Colette bit her lip and made her way back out the door, her head cast down toward her feet. _If someone came to me with the same situation, could I have done any better?_

_This feels so messed up. I'm only supposed to like one person like that. But that's not the case. Do I really have to choose or forget about a romance with them all together?_ The wind blew her hair back and made her eyes water. _Romance. Love. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be._

_Lloyd will definitely be home when I get back. Zelos probably too. I wonder how they feel. I wonder how long this will go on._

_When push comes to shove,_

_what will it be?_

_It's easy to just say "no" to both of them, but is that what I really want? What do I really want?_

She stared up at the sky, swirling white and gray clouds. _All or nothing. That's how it has to be, isn't it?_ Her forehead creased, and she struggled to keep her own pace. Her feet felt like they were filled with lead. _I...guess that's the best I can do. Go with the flow, and just_

_see what happens._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some narrative contrast--while Lloyd and Kratos' chat had a more serious undertone to it, this is a lot more casual. What do you mean it kind of looks like Sheena has a small crush on Colette? I have no idea what you're talking about. I know in my experiences, if you ask advice about "I like more than one person! What do I do?", the reply almost always comes out like Sheena's does, even from the most well meaning people. Poly can be hard.
> 
> I'm not going to tease the next chapter. You'll just have to tune in! Thank you so much again for reading!


	30. Boiling Point

Lloyd wandered up the stairs to his apartment, taking his time deciding which key to use to open the door. _I don’t want the house to be empty,_ he thought, twisting the key in the door and pulling it open. _But I’m nervous for whoever’s going to be there at the same time._ He sighed through his cheeks, puffing them in the process. _Damn it…_

The gentle sound of the TV greeted him, along with Zelos sprawled out on the futon, which had been turned back into its couch form. “H-hey,” he greeted, his heart pumping much faster than it needed to.

“Yo,” Zelos said. He was in casual wear--sweatpants and a t-shirt, his hair down and doing whatever it pleased. _He’s not wearing his headband,_ he thought. _He hasn’t worn it since that night._ “Where’s the princess?”

“Hm? Colette’s not here?” Lloyd looked around as he dropped his backpack by the door.

“Nope. Thought she’d be with you.” He sat up a bit and ran a hand all the way back through his hair. “C’mon, stay a while.”

“S-sure.” Lloyd shuffled over to the futon and plopped next to him. He sat just close enough, so that his knees could twitch, and they’d be touching Zelos’. “Surprised you put this thing back together,” he said, patting the couch.

“I forgot what the couch was even like,” he replied. “You guys ought to get a better one. This thing’s way too small and stiff as a couch.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Lloyd stared at the TV, which showed a distant savanna, with enormous lions prowling through it. “Dude, what are you watching?”

He shrugged, long and exaggerated. “Just whatever. I think this some nature documentary. I was really just waiting for you guys to get back.”

“Uh-huh.” _Waiting for us._ Lloyd felt his eyes glaze over as he tried to let himself sink back into the couch. _If he was waiting for us, why didn’t he come wait for us at our classes? Didn’t he say he wanted to talk about something when I saw him next?_

_I don’t know why I feel so anxious--_

“Sorry I didn’t catch up with you guys at the school,” Zelos said, jumping Lloyd and making him shake. “I wanted to test out those new keys.”

“Oh yeah, that’s cool,” he replied, desperately trying to sound as natural as possible.

He side-eyed Zelos. He wasn’t buying it. “You okay?” he asked, an eyebrow raised. _It’s more than that. He actually does look concerned. It’s like he’s stopped wearing a mask for the last few days._ “Hard day at the office?”

Lloyd shifted a little. “Kind of. I don’t know. I think it’s this weather. And Monday.” He found it hard to look at Zelos straight on, so he kept his attention to the TV.

“Ah.”

They sat in silence for some time, watching the jungle scenery pan across the screen, switching from different animal families. Lloyd’s back ached from sitting so still, and yet he could feel Zelos’ closeness to him, as slight as it was. Zelos’ arm was hooked around the back of the couch, a spread stance, and his gaze slack as the TV numbed him. Lloyd could see all of this in the minute glances he kept sneaking over.

_(will you look at me?)_

Zelos shifted slightly beside him, and he held his breath as they bumped knees. _This is ridiculous,_ he thought, letting out a sigh as quietly as he possibly could, his hand flexing on the opposite side of him. _We’ve been close before_

_(dancing slow, the throng of people all around, pressed against his chest)_

_so why are things_

_(the way his eyes looked in the night, ice blue and inviting)_

_so different now?_

“Wonder where Colette is,” Zelos said to himself, as Lloyd allowed himself to actually look him in the face. “She’s late. You were pretty late too, come to think of it.”

“Y-yeah, I was just…” Zelos was looking directly into his eyes, and it completely derailed his train of thought. “Just...after school with Kratos--I mean, Aurion.”

“He’s got you on a first name basis now?” he asked.

“I guess so.” _Good. Don’t talk about me._ “It was kind of weird how it came up. Do teachers normally do that?”

“Maybe. You’re talking to a college dropout, remember.” He twirled a lock of his hair in his fingers, letting the strands twist around, and then fall into a wave in front of his chest. “So, what did you guys talk about?”

Damn it. “Just...just about...some stuff going on,” Lloyd managed. “With school,” he added, far too late.

Zelos snorted. “‘Course.” His voice had grown mellow and smooth, and Lloyd tried desperately not to lean into it. _Shit, shit. Does he know? Isn’t he the one who started all of this?_ He couldn’t break away from his eyes, the TV turning into white noise before them. _I can’t shake him. But what about Colette? When is she supposed to get home?_

_(do you want to?)_

_I don’t know. I don’t know. Goddess, damn it. I get sucked into his whole...everything about him. The way he talks, the way his hands are always distracted, even the way he flirts and teases. It’s infuriating, but it’s...endearing? How did I even get like this?_

“Hey.”

Zelos’ voice drew him from his thoughts. He had scooted closer so the two were siding side by side, their thighs flush against one another. Lloyd’s heartbeat felt loud inside his own head. “W-what?” he replied, his voice cracking.

With a shake of his head, Zelos pushed his hair back again with his hand. It fell all around his face, framing it with a voluminous side part. “I think I get it,” he said.

The same hand he used for his hair he used to reach out to Lloyd’s face, his fingers cupped around his jawline, thumb on his cheek. Lloyd could feel the friction from his day and a half old stubble rub beneath Zelos’ touch. _I should’ve shaved,_ he thought briefly. There was a faint smile traced across his lips, and Lloyd’s hands itched to move, to twitch, for anything to happen, anything at all. _Is...this it?_

_Is this what we’ve been waiting for? I feel like I can’t breathe…_

Zelos drew himself a little closer, his eyes flickering between Lloyd’s deep brown irises and his lips. He bit his own, and Lloyd’s leg twitched.

_(do you want to?)_

“I…” Zelos swallowed. “Let me make this a little easier.”

Slowly, he drew closer, closer, close enough to touch his forehead against Lloyd’s. He could hear him breathing very distinctly, a lot more even than his shallow breaths. _How is this easier?,_ Lloyd shouted in his head. _How could this_

_possibly_

_be easier_

_when you_

_are so close…_

Lloyd’s eyelids flickered, and it was one, simple tilt of his head that brought their lips together.

The kiss was tentative at first. Lloyd’s hand found a resting spot on Zelos’ thigh, while the latter had begun to stroke his cheek, his hand moving down to the base of his neck. Zelos’ had the lead, his kisses surprisingly gentle, lips softer than Lloyd imagined. He could feel him start to let him go, but in return, Lloyd pushed forward, with more gusto.

_(don’t stop_

_I don’t want this_

_to go away_

_not yet…_

_not yet…)_

As he pushed, he felt Zelos smile into his lips, and even felt a throaty chuckle, so slight that it could only be felt from the close contact. His hand moved up from his thigh and knotted itself into his long, red hair; soft, wavy, and full. _I haven’t kissed anyone like this in a long time,_ he thought, squeezing his eyes shut. _Not since--_

He paused, just briefly, and Zelos managed to pull away in his hesitation. Lloyd blinked his eyes open, and slowly grazed up to met his. He was smiling--soft and sweet, and Lloyd felt his own, more nervous grin creep up into his face. “You always keep me guessing, Lloyd Irving,” Zelos murmured, amusement lilting in his voice.

“I…” Lloyd’s giggle was laced with apprehension. “I...don’t know what came over me…”

“Really?” Zelos’ hand was still at Lloyd’s neck, and he snuck it back up to the side of his face. Lloyd eased his head into it.

“Does...this mean I’m gay now?” he asked quietly.

Zelos snorted loudly, pulling back to cover his face. “Oh boy,” he snickered, bowing forward and bumping his forehead against Lloyd’s. “No, it doesn’t work that way, bud.”

He caught his laughter and chuckled himself, riding on the electricity that was flowing through his body from the kiss. _I kissed him. I kissed Zelos Wilder, the self-proclaimed “most fucked up eligible bachelor”._ He felt a squeeze on his other hand, and found that somehow in the commotion, it had become intertwined with Zelos’. _This...feels good._

_This is what I--_

_(aren’t you forgetting something?)_

_ah…_

“H-hey,” Lloyd started, his fingers twitching in Zelos’ grasp. “What about...what about Colette?”

“Hm?” His eyebrows raised, but his face kept the same dreamy expression. “Oh, yeah. I wanted to talk to you guys, actually, about--”

_Ka-thunk!_

The sound of the door slamming behind them rang in their ears. Both were frozen to their seats for a moment, before Lloyd slowly sat up and peered over the couch.

Colette’s backpack was lying in a heap on the floor. “Oh, _fuck.”_

“Wh--oh, oh no.” He could Zelos suck in hard beside him, even as the world felt like it was moving in slow motion around him. “Oh fuck me--”

Paralysis strangled his reaction, tying him to his spot, throttling his breathing. _No, no, no, no…_ “Shit!” Lloyd’s heart lobbed in his chest, ramping up its speed. “Colette, _wait!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE WORST CLIFFHANGER, I UNDERSTAND...at least we got people to kiss this chapter! I keep thinking these are too short, but I also remember how this started with fairly short chapters, and I feel a little better. I've had this planned out for so long, so I know exactly where things are going and how I want them to go. It cuts down on time and allows me to be a bit more direct! 
> 
> Next time: the cliffhangers get for-really-solved!


	31. Overflow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _She said, "I don't know if I've ever been good enough,  
>  I'm a little bit rusty and I think my head is caving in.  
> And I don't know if I've ever been really loved by a hand that's touched me,  
> And I feel like something's gonna give, and I'm a little bit angry..."  
> Well, this ain't over, no not here,  
> Not while I still need you around..._
> 
> "Push", Matchbox 20, _Yourself Or Someone Like You_

When his panic allowed him to move, Lloyd bolted for the door, half dragging Zelos in tow. “Come on!” he shouted, whipping back to him. “We’re not going to lose her!”

“This is m-my fault,” Zelos stammered as Lloyd flung the door open. He finally let go of his hand, and he hugged his elbows to try and soothe himself. “Martel, Lloyd, I--”

“Just come _on!_ We can fix this later.” Lloyd snapped. _I hope. I hope we can fix this. It just happened. It just happened. Shit, shit, shit--_

He raced down the stairs outside as fast as he could. “Colette!” he shouted. She had not gotten very far--Lloyd could see the back of her head at his truck parked in the small driveway. “Colette, wait, please!”

She indeed stopped short of getting in it, but her hand was still on the handle, her body shaking. Lloyd walked slowly up to her, but Zelos had gotten a stride ahead of him, still wide eyed in panic. It was only for a moment, and then his face smoothed just enough to mask the tremor in his voice. He reached out for her with a pale, trembling hand. “Col, honey, I’m--”

Colette whipped around and smacked him away. Her face was red and blotchy, tears streaming down. _“Don’t fucking touch me!”_ she screamed, before slamming her arm on the window of the truck and burying her face into it, shoulders shuddering. Dumbfounded, he staggered away, shrinking all the way back to the edge of the stairs. _I've never heard her swear like that before,_ thought Lloyd, anxiety thick like a mucus in his throat. _Goddess help us all._

Finally beside her, Lloyd stayed close, but chose not to touch her, and didn't speak right at first. She was anchored to the ground, even as she cried hard into her arm. "Colette," Lloyd said quietly.

She sniffled hard. "You l-left the front door wide open," she said, her throat already sounding raw.

 _Shit._ "So...you--"

"Of course I _saw,_ Lloyd--! You just...you...y-you--!" She devolved into hysterics again, raising her head finally. Her eyes were still squeezed shut as tears flowed like a river down her reddened face.

"Col, please," Lloyd said, his own throat feeling closed and tight. "I-I didn't mean--it just _happened--"_

"You don't _think,_ Lloyd!" she cried, jumping into his face. "Wh-why didn't...didn't..."

His heart sank lower and lower as he watched her struggle to speak. _I'm so sorry,_ he thought, his clammy hands clenched by his sides. _I didn't want this, this isn't...what I meant. It just happened, and maybe I wasn't thinking, but I--_

_I don't want you to walk away. Not like this..._

Colette took a deep breath in a vain attempt to collect herself. "Why didn't you just _tell_ me?" she said, shaky and quiet. She gasped. _"Why didn't you just tell me!"_

She covered her face with her hands, beginning to cry again. The ache in his chest continued, and when he couldn't bear to watch anymore, he glanced back to Zelos. His arms were behind his back, and his head was down, a sheath of red hair further masking his face. _Zelos...this isn't what you wanted either, was it?_

 _But what_ did _you want?_

_("...I believe you can find a way to compromise...")_

At last, Lloyd cautiously reached out to Colette, gingerly touching her shoulder. She didn't flinch or slap him away, but her head was still buried in her hands. "W-why didn't y-you just... _tell me_ that y-you l-liked him? I-I don't...don't..."

"Col."

 _"I don't care!_ I-if you wanted t-to be with him..." Her hands revealed her face once again, but her eyes darted all across the ground, searching for her voice. "I-I just w-w-wanted you t-to be... _honest--"_

"Look at me, hon."

She pressed on. "It's not _like_ y-you to do this! Just let me _know!_ A-And then I-I don't...I don't have to...to get in your way--"

Lloyd gripped her shoulder harder. "Colette, _look at me!"_

The strength in his voice silenced her, and after a moment, her eyes steadied and rose to his face. They were watery, blue laced with red, and puffy from her tears, but they met his nonetheless. Lloyd struggled to swallow his own lump building in his throat. "I know...l-look, all of this? Just... _happened._ It happened in the last...five minutes. M-maybe ten."

He paused as she stared at him, her eyebrows twitching. _That was lame, that was_ so _lame. I don't...I don't even know where to start though. Don't cry anymore, Col, please._ "Th-then...then why--" she stammered.

"I don't know," he interrupted, then shook his head. "No, I _do,_ but...that doesn't mean that--"

"Doesn't mean what?" she spat. "I get it, I l-lost my c-c-chance and now--"

"It doesn't change how I feel about you!" he rushed, his other hand now on her shoulder. "It...doesn't change any of that."

Colette kept her eyes locked with Lloyd's soft brown, now glassy and reflective. Her breathing was hitched, and tears kept rolling down her cheeks, but her whimpering had silenced. _Colette, I..._

"I love you," he blurted. His heart roared in his ears, uncertain if he had spoken aloud. Judging by her wide eyes, so wide he could see all around her irises, he was safe to assume.

"L-Lloyd," she uttered, smiling and shaking her head toward the ground. A breeze blew through and attempted to brush away the hair plastered to her face. Her hands cradled her elbows like a crying child. "Y-you don't have to do this."

He bit his lip hard. _Don't, don't._ "I mean it," he said softly, and cupped her face in his hand. "I'm sorry, and I mean it."

Her lip quivered, and slowly, her arms fell to her sides as she squeezed her eyes shut again. Her mouth widened, and she suddenly clutched him in a desperate embrace, weeping into his chest. Lloyd held her, stroking her back, and he stared up at the sky to keep his own tears from falling. _How long have I waited to say that to her? How long have I wanted to?,_ he thought. _I wish it could've been under different circumstances, but..._

He kissed her head, and let his face rest there as she poured herself into the fabric of his shirt. He could feel it growing damp and hot from her crying. "It's okay," he hushed. "It's okay, I'm right here."

He took the opportunity to check visually on Zelos, who hadn't moved an inch since. _I was almost worried he would take off._ He closed his eyes. _And we still haven't figured out about any of_ that.

_I love Colette, but what I feel for him is still there._

"Lloyd?" Colette said, her voice high and muffled.

"Yeah?" He coaxed her out of his chest with a couple fingers, encouraging her to look up.

She rubbed her eyes briefly, but still kept in his embrace. "I...d-don't blame you," she said, her breath still hitching.

Lloyd's head cocked. "What do you mean?"

"F-for liking Z-Zelos." Her eyes looked away, behind him, and she gasped, her mouth a small, round "O". "Oh my Goddess, he's st-still h-h-here?"

"Uh-huh," Lloyd replied. Anxiety seeped through him, settling into his feet. "Is that...bad?"

She waited before replying, looking both over to Zelos, then to him again. After looking at his face, she silently raised her sleeve up to him and dabbed around his eyes. This gesture, small as it was, was enough to well his eyes once again. She caught the stray tears as they fell. _Look who's the crybaby now._ "I'm okay, really," he choked, voice pitchy and inconsistent.

"Can I tell you something?" Colette said, swallowing to keep her breathing in check.

“S-sure, hon,” he replied, kissing the top of her cheek. It tasted salty from her tears.

“I…” She fidgeted her hands against Lloyd’s waist, and her breathing deteriorated into irregularity again. “M-maybe we should...I think....I-I…”

He waited as she tried on different phrases and sentences, dropping them as soon as they passed her lips. In the meantime, he pushed her hair out of her face, adjusting the loose strands stuck by her tears, gently tucking them behind her ears. Finally, she gripped at Lloyd’s shirt and pulled him back toward the house. “W-we all need t-to talk. Together.” She huffed and bit her lip. “I-I just...I kn-know how you feel, too.”

She stumbled when she began to drag him back, and he caught her, keeping an arm around her waist. “You’re right,” he said, letting her lead them to the stairs. _This does involve all three of us, in some way. But, what does she mean, “I know how you feel”? Does she…?_

Zelos had finally lifted his head when he heard the footsteps of his friends coming toward him. His face was ghostly pale, and he kept his arms behind his back. “So, what now, princess?” he asked, his cool mask thin and worn, voice barely keeping its smoothness. “Am I banished from your kingdom?”

“N-no,” Colette replied with a watery giggle. It was short lived, as she looked between Lloyd and him in apprehension. “B-but there is...s-something…”

She trailed off as she wandered away from Lloyd, holding her arms again and standing between them. Zelos and Lloyd shared a look, and even as the former’s was laced with anxiety, it still sent a rush through his veins. _I can’t make this go away, can I? Now that I know it’s there…_

“Y-you both...mean so much to me,” Colette started, sniffling. “B-but I...I can’t, I’m n-not supposed to…to...”

Zelos head gradually lifted, as if he had finally found stability in the fragile sentences she was stringing together. “Angel,” he said. It was the first note of confidence Lloyd heard in his voice since he stepped outside. His arms finally stretched out from behind his back, one on Colette’s shoulder, the other beckoning Lloyd to his side. He could see deep scratches all along the outsides, red standing stark against his pasty skin.

This didn’t go unnoticed by her either. “Zelos, your a-arms--” Colette exclaimed.

“Never mind that,” Zelos insisted, clearing his throat. “I almost forgot, I wanted to get you together so we could chat about something I’ve been thinking about.”

Colette looked perplexed. “Wh-what, about--”

“This. All of this,” Zelos sighed and gently wheeled them back around up the stairs. “I c-can’t believe I tried so hard to do this the right way, and I _still_ fucked it up…”

“What’s going on, Z?” Lloyd asked, keeping one eye on Colette on the other side of him.

“We’ll do this inside. Get you cleaned up--” He patted her shoulder. “--and get me ten tranquilizer pills.” His voice dropped to a mutter. “Because Holy Goddess Martel, I feel so fuckin’ sick to my stomach...”

“Take it easy,” Lloyd said as they reached the door. “Everything’s--”

“No, no, we’re not out of the woods yet,” Zelos remarked, eyes downcast. He let go of both of them and bolted ahead inside, a hand over his mouth. “Sit down, I’ll be with you in a sec.”

He rushed down the hallway, and they heard the sound of the bathroom door slam hard. They stood immobile in the doorway for a moment, before Colette shuffled forward, still recovering from her crying. “I’m g-gonna wash my face,” she mumbled, leaving Lloyd alone.

I have no idea how this could possibly work out, Lloyd thought, wandering to the couch and sitting in the middle. The two conflicting

_(“Let me make this easier for you…”)_

yet affectionate images

_(“Sure, hon,” he replied, kissing the top of her cheek…)_

clashed in his mind, swirling into a mixed mess. His head dropped to the floor. _Well, it can’t get any worse than this,_ he thought, hearing the sound of Zelos (quiet, but still audible) retching in the bathroom. It was quickly blocked by the running water of Colette at the kitchen sink.

_I guess...we’ll talk._

* * *

 

_I want to take you for granted,_  
_I want to take you for granted, yeah, well, I will._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is a fucking mess this chapter, hoo. I'm going to bake an enormous cake with blue icing that says "SORRY FOR YOUR SUFFERING COLETTE", because the poor girl has suffered Too Much. It's easy to say that she bottles these kind of things up a lot, especially after what she saw. There's a lot of conflicting emotions going on, from her thinking that Zelos was just playing her, her thinking that Lloyd was hiding this from her, and possibly the thought that they were just trying to placate her by being nice to her. None of that is true, of course, but when your emotions run that high, it's so easy to assume the worst. It's a miracle that Zelos didn't just burst on the spot. 
> 
> Next chapter, The Talk and complete resolutions.


	32. Talk

Zelos furiously scrubbed his arms in the bathroom sink, ignoring the pain shooting through them as they burned red. _Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!,_ he thought, taking some water to rinse his mouth from the sour taste of bile. _You just had to egg him on, didn’t you? You couldn’t wait fucking ten minutes for her to get home so you could do this right, huh, asshole?_ He jammed the faucet off and stared at himself in the mirror. The top of his brow was still glistening with cold sweat, and he wiped it off with a towel. _I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it, but...now this might be a tougher sell._

“Zelos? A-are you okay?” Colette’s warbly voice rang from the living room.

“Just a sec, sweetie.” _Still, though._

_(“You both mean so much to me…”)_

He slapped both of his cheeks and gave himself a firm look. _I’ve still got a chance._

_(there’s no way there’s no way not after this)_

_No, no, I can still do it._

_(not after you’ve played them both, you’re just worthless pathetic)_

“Fucking watch me--!” he hissed, before huffing and strolling out of the bathroom and back into the living room.

Lloyd and Colette were seated together on the couch, the former’s arm around the latter’s waist. Both of them had drooped shoulders, and Zelos wasn’t sure if he’d seen Lloyd look so worn thin before. His eyes were heavy, creases marked on the sides, and his mouth was simply a drawn line across his face. They watched him as he plopped on the floor in front of them, sitting cross-legged at their feet. He could feel them staring at the scratches on his arms, the weight of it

_(“Hey, what happened to you?”_

_“Huh? O-oh just...I was trying to make dinner. Guess I got carried away.”_

_“Oh.”)_

sending another jolt of panic through his stomach, but he swallowed it down, whole and bitter. “Okay,” he started. “First of all, Colette...I’m really... _really_ sorry about earlier. One thing just led to another, and…” He trailed off, hands rising to the air and falling back into his lap.

She sniffled, and nodded, but made no verbal reply. “Ah,” Zelos said. “A-anyway, I was...I wanted to get a chance to talk about this before things got carried away. Guess I couldn’t help it.”

He took a deep breath. _Just like you rehearsed._ “When I...was a teenager, I played the dating game a lot. More than any sixteen year old punk should.” He snickered to himself. “I used to date one girl, then crush on someone else, and try to do both at the same time. Not...not recommended. I burned a lot of bridges that way.

“I couldn’t...help it, though. All the time, I found myself wanting to be with more than one person. I just chalked it up to me being fucked up like usual for a while.” Zelos ruffled his hair. _Some things never change, do they?_

“Then, one day, when I was going through the motions, senior in high school, I tried legitimately dating two people. Both of these girls liked me, so all three of us dated. Imagine that?” He looked between his two friends, trying to read their faces. Lloyd’s eyes seemed curious, his body leaning forward, while Colette kept sneaking glances over to him, hands carefully folded in her lap. _Too early to tell._

“It...didn’t work,” Zelos continued, shaking his head. “They didn’t really like each other, and with me ‘between’ them, it just made it worse. They ended up hating me by the end. But honest to Martel, while things were good? I had never been happier. It felt...natural.”

He sighed heavily and placed his hands out on either side of Lloyd and Colette. “You two...are the most important things in my life right now,” he muttered, his throat beginning to burn. “Lloyd, you pulled me off from that bridge when I wanted to die, so...so badly. And Colette, you...saved me from drowning myself in alcohol.” _For the millionth time._ The memories flashed in his head,

_(“I’m glad you’re still here.”)_

_(“We meant what we said. We really are here for you.”)_

simultaneously punching him in the gut and strengthening his resolve. “I didn’t know that I’d...fall for you guys when I met you. I was hoping I wouldn’t. But...here I am.”

It was Colette’s hand that reached his outstretched first. When he looked up to her, her gaze was watery once again, but it didn’t waver from his. “I know...I don’t have to worry about you two not getting along,” he pressed on, smirking. “You two were practically sleeping together before I even got here.”

“Z,” Lloyd warned, shaking his head. Upon doing this, however, he noticed Zelos hand beside him. He quickly looked over to Colette, saw their hands intertwined, and then gingerly laced his with Zelos’ after a moment’s hesitation.

“I just...didn’t want to fuck that up.” Zelos said, then winced. “Like I just almost did.”

He paused a moment while the others took their time to think. _Speak now, or forever hold your peace,_ he thought fleetingly. Colette’s brow crinkled first. “S-so...what are you trying to say?” she asked, her hand twitching in his palm.

_The moment of truth arrives._ “I’m saying...I’ve fallen for both of you,” Zelos said, his head slightly bent. “And, I want to _be_ with both of you, if you’ll have me.”

Another pause. “Like...a relationship?” Lloyd said slowly.

“Isn’t that...i-illegal?” Colette questioned.

Zelos shook his head. “If my love is illegal, you might as well just run over me with your truck.” His quip was met with thin, apprehensive smiles. _I should really stop making suicide jokes, being how I am,_ he thought. “That’s _polygamy,_ and I’m sure it’s legal...somewhere. This right here would be _polyamory.”_ Doubt took over his mouth. “I-I mean, if you don’t...f-feel the same--”

Much to his surprise, Lloyd and Colette began protesting in unison, trying to talk over each other. “No, Z, that’s not--” “No, no, it’s not that--” They both looked at each other, mouths slightly open. Lloyd tilted his head. “G-go ahead, Col.”

“Oh, um,” she started, her toes tapping. “I guess that’s what I-I was trying to say earlier. I like...both you, and you.” She looked at each of the boys respectively as she said this, starting with Lloyd. “With you, it’s been a long time, but…” Her eyes flicked to Zelos. “You, I...y-you kind of...swept me off my feet.” She giggled and rubbed her eyes with her free hand. “I’ll be honest, Zelos, I was scared that y-you were just playing with me when I s-saw you guys kissing...especially after yesterday--”

“What happened yesterday?” Lloyd asked.

“Nothing important,” she replied, and when her hand dropped down, it grasped for Lloyd’s, and her eyes darted across the floor. “Just...another close encounter. N-nothing happened, I promise.”

“Not as close as this one,” Zelos commented. His heart was beating faster than he could separate the beats in his chest. _This isn’t bad, not too bad at all._ “What were you thinking, Lloyd?”

“O-oh, right, I…” He paused, glancing between the two hands he was holding. “Yeah, I guess I’m...the same. Y-you’re the only guy I’ve ever developed feelings for. It’s kinda weird but...not, at the same time. It makes sense to me.” His head rolled over slowly to Colette. “And I...well, I already told you...how I felt, hon.”

Colette’s face tinted pink, managing to meet his eyes for a moment, and they shared a shy look. “So? What’ll it be?” Zelos asked, crystal blue eyes flashing between them.

“Will this...change anything?” Colette replied.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, like...I don’t know,” she backpedaled. “I just...always thought that _relationships_ were always different than just _friendships.”_

“Hm.” Zelos pondered. _So naive,_ he thought, bemused, then curled his lips inward. _But Goddess, I’m the worst to ask about this. I think I’ve lived long enough to know the jist of it though._ “You know what? Not really. I think the only difference is you don’t bang your friends, but even then--”

“Oh, c’mon--” Lloyd interrupted.

“Hey, this is actually relevant now,” Zelos said. “Kitten, we’ll be your friends first before your boyfriends. And you’ll get twice the kisses.” He smirked at the words rolling off his tongue. _Funny, I’m feeling more relaxed…_

Colette’s eyes, in the meantime, had widened at the ground. “Boyfriends…” she said to herself.

“I’ve never dated a guy before,” Lloyd reiterated, pondering at the ceiling. His thumb rubbed in Zelos’ palm as he spoke, sending a new rush through him. “Then again, I’ve never ‘dated’ _anyone--”_

“Martel, you guys are killing me,” Zelos blurted, squeezing both of their hands. “Do you want to do this or what? You _still_ haven’t given me an answer.”

“Oh! Ah…” Colette looked to Lloyd first in anticipation.

“What, me first?” Lloyd shook his head and smiled. “Yeah. I want to.” He looked at Colette, a tender, soft gaze that Zelos had seen him give her before. _It’s definitely more deliberate this time,_ he thought, feeling his lips parting just slightly, and shutting them in embarrassment. _Ah._ “Now that I’m...aware, I guess, that there’s another way...I’ll take it.”

Lloyd looked directly at Zelos, his warm aura following him. “For us, yeah?”

His breath caught in his throat, and all he could manage to do was nod. _Us._

_Us._

“Mmm,” Colette agreed, her own sunniness returning to her face, despite her eyes and nose still swollen from her crying.  “I agree. I talked to someone about it, and I thought I had to choose…”

“You don’t have to,” Zelos said quietly.

Her lips spread into a grin, deep eyes shimmering. “Yeah.” She cleared her throat. “S-so, uh, yes. I want to...do this. I want to be with you.”

Zelos felt his mouth curl into a toothy grin, laughter bubbling inside his chest. _You did it, you sad sack._ He clutched his friends hands and rose to his knees, giggles escaping from his mouth. “Come here, both of you,” he said, and he lunged forward, hugging both of them while still on the floor. _This is...this is it. This is what I wanted. This is what I always wanted._ His eyes began leaking, overflowing with tears as they both embraced him. _Lloyd, Colette. Even if it’s too soon to say it out loud,_

_I love you both._

_I love you already._

Still keeping them both within his proximity, he stroked Colette’s hair with one hand, bringing it around to the side of her face. “Can I make it up to you?” he said.

“Hm?” It was only when he pulled himself closer, tilting his head, that she took the hint, and made a small squeaking noise as he kissed her once, then twice, light and easy. Zelos wanted to hang on to her soft lips longer, but he reluctantly refrained. Her face was as red as his hair when he got another look at her again. “A-ah, Z-Zelos…!”

“Was that nice?” he asked.

“W-well, y-yeah…”

The boys chuckled at her flustered reply, then shared another glance, Zelos grinning wide. “Want one too?” he asked. “I know you do.”

“Shit, Z,” Lloyd snickered, before Zelos drew him in as well, kissing him just the same as he did Colette. His lips were dry and rough, unlike hers, and his stubble scratched the bottom of his chin. _I could do this all day._

When they parted, Lloyd held Zelos’ gaze, deep and steady. _Oh, I know why he’s doing this,_ he thought. _He can’t hide it, though._ “You’re blushing too, you know.”

“D-damn it,” he cursed with a side swept smile, breaking the eye contact.

“Why don’t you kiss your girlfriend to shake it off? You know, now that she’s _actually_ your girlfriend.”

“He’s right,” Colette commented, and she fluttered her eyes. This rare coquettish moment was offset by a flurry of laughter as Lloyd sprung at her, kissing her lips and then showering her cheeks with small, butterfly kisses. _“Lloyd!”_

Zelos watched as they laughed, music to his ears; their smiles like starlight in his eyes. _I never thought this could work. How could two wonderful, beautiful people, save a space for someone like me? I don’t deserve this, no way._ He had one arm around each of their waists, crowding in their space. Their laughter died down and they both stared at him and him alone. _Damn it, I’ll take it. I’ll take it all and run like a thief._

“Zelos,” Colette said, reaching over and wiping a stray tear off his face. “Are you okay?”

_Am I okay?_ He winked over at Lloyd, then kissed Colette’s hand before it returned to her. “I’ve never been better."

* * *

 

_And though our parts are slightly used,_  
_New ones are slave labor you can keep._  
 _We're living in a den of thieves,_  
 _Rummaging for answers in the pages._  
 _We're living in a den of thieves,_  
 _And it's contagious..._

"Us", Regina Spektor, _Soviet Kitsch_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I keep almost crying while rereading and editing this chapter. A happy ending for our heroes! This was initially where the story was supposed to end, but...I've got a lot of loose plot threads to wrap up, so we can keep hanging out with our trio for a while longer. Besides, actually confessing and getting together is only half the fun, right? After all, we've still got to wrap up Kratos' deal, the company ball, them living together...there's a lot more to go! I hope you'll stick around for the ride (well, if you've managed to hang on for 31 chapters just to see them confess...). THANK YOU so much for coming with me this far!
> 
> Next time: a discussion of boundaries!


	33. Logistics

“Okay, I’ve got a question for you,” Lloyd said, bouncing on the king sized bed in Zelos’ spare room. “When you bought this bed, did you do it just so we could _all_ sleep together?”

He leaned on the door frame, a sly grin on his face. “Maybe,” he said. “It was a pretty good idea in hindsight, don’t you think?”

“Coming through!” Colette whirled past Zelos through the door, running up to the bed. She stopped short to jump as high as she could and flop right in the middle, giggling as she rolled from her stomach onto her back, then sitting up.

“C’mere, you--!” Lloyd grabbed her around the waist and began tickling her middle, making her writhe and kick everywhere. Her giggles reached an inhumanly high pitch before he released her, cuddling her from behind.

Zelos joined them, flopping on his belly in front of them and kicking his legs up in the air behind him. “You guys are too cute,” he commented, a hand gripping his hair to hold his head up.

“So are you!” Colette blurted, and quickly covered her mouth.

With a snort, Zelos burst out laughing. “Why, thank you, sweetie~,” he purred, rolling over onto his back. “I wonder what other lovely things you’ve been hiding from me~.”

“N-nothing! I-it’s nothing!” she stammered, shrinking into Lloyd, who was also snickering. “Lloyd, stop poking me!”

“Tell me, honey, do you think I’m handsome~?” he said, posing and absently lifting his shirt up just enough to reveal his stomach. “Do you think I’m sexy~? Do you think about me in the dead of the night--”

“Eep! _Stop!”_  Colette squealed, burying her face into Lloyd’s chest. He was laughing loud now, hugging her tight against him.

“All right, maybe it’s too soon for that,” Zelos said, spinning around so he was horizontal, still posing for his pinup. “At least Lloyd thinks I’m sexy, right~?” He lowered his eyes in challenge.

“Wh--hey, now…” It was his turn to blush now, holding on to Colette as a safety pillow while Zelos crawled up closer to him, albeit on the other side of Colette.

He leaned up against her while he reached a finger out to stroke the bottom of his chin. “Ooh, you shaved, didn’t you?” he purred. “Nice and smooth, just for us~?”

“Holy shit--!”

Colette lifted her head to rub her face against Lloyd’s. “Oh, you did! You are nice and smooth,” she said, kissing his cheek.

“J-jeez…” was all Lloyd could say, as he took Zelos’ outstretched hand in his own, fingers laced together.

“You guys are way too easy,” Zelos commented, settling back, an arm around Colette’s waist. “I’m not going to even be able to take you out in public if you melt like this from my insatiable charm.”

Lloyd perked up, ignoring Zelos’ ego-stroking. “Oh yeah, that’s going to be...something,” he said. “I don’t even know what I’m going to tell Dad.”

“Oh, shoot! I was supposed to call Sheena yesterday!” Colette exclaimed, trying to wriggle free from the arms of her boys. “I told her I’d let her know how things went…”

“You talked to her about this?”

“Y-yeah...I didn’t know who else to go to.” She shrugged and sighed, easing back. “She just said to either forget about it or just go with you.”

“That’s typical,” Zelos remarked, fingers drumming at her side. “Most people don’t get how it can work. And as far as your dad, Lloyd...I’d wait before letting him know about us.”

“Really?” he said.

“We’ve only been dating a day. There’s no rush,” he replied, squeezing his hand. “Especially since your coming out is going to have layers.”

“Ah, yeah.” He leaned his head against Colette’s shoulder. “Do people yell at you on the street for...that sort of thing? Does that actually happen?”

“Well…” Zelos started. “People do tend to give you funny looks, especially the more cozy you are. It’s hard to walk three wide on a sidewalk. And I _did_ get beat up for holding hands with a guy in an alley in Meltokio one time--”

“What the hell? That story was _true?”_

“I _told_ you it was, man! I’ve been skittish to hold a guy’s hand in public since!” He sighed, and his eyes cast down at the bed. “I mean...I don’t know how you guys want to be, with PDA…”

“We can just--” Lloyd started, before he was interrupted by a tinny ringing from behind him. “Is that your phone?”

“It’s not mine…” Colette said.

“N-no, it’s mine,” Zelos replied, sitting up and scooting out of the bed. It was lighting up on the dresser at the other corner of the room, and he approached it cautiously, as if it were going to jump up and bite him.

“Surprised you have it on for once,” Lloyd commented.

Colette sat up, watching him. “Who is it?”

He picked up the phone, still ringing, and wandered back over, eyes glazed over. “I-it’s...my sister…” he mumbled. “I don’t...I don’t…”

“Answer it,” Lloyd said firmly. “Put it on speaker, but answer it.”

Zelos’ face twisted. “Do I--”

“Just _do it,”_ he insisted, crawling over and smacking the call button for him. They fumbled in each other’s hands over the phone--Zelos desperate to get it away, Lloyd trying to reach the speaker button--and in the end, they both got their wishes. The phone flew out of their grasp like a wriggling fish, while a young woman’s voice warbled out from the loudspeaker. _“Hello? Hello…”_

“You bastard,” Zelos hissed as he picked up the phone. He took a deep breath and spoke directly into the microphone. “H-hey.”

There was a pause as Lloyd and Colette looked on anxiously. _“Z...Zelos? Is that you?”_

He shook his head, his other hand clawing at his knee. “You mean your horrible brother? Guilty as charged."

There was a pause on the other line, and in the meantime, Colette reached out for Zelos' hand, discouraging his scratching. He smiled weakly at her. _"I...yeah. It's...me, Seles. You...already knew that."_ She chuckled nervously. _"H-how have...you been...?"_

"Really? That's all you've got?" Zelos said, heated. "Three years after I fucked off and all you've got is this bullshit small talk?"

_"Good to hear you haven't changed a bit."_

"So why call?!" he exclaimed, his hand shaking. "Why bother when I'm just the same, lazy piece of shit I've always bee--"

Lloyd was suddenly right behind him, holding his shoulders, and Colette now had both of her hands in his. "Take it easy," Lloyd whispered in his ear. "Don't do this again."

Zelos bit his lip. _Easier said than done,_ he thought. "S-sorry. I...got...I just..."

_"I didn't call you to fight, Zelos."_

Her voice wavered ever so slightly over the phone, just enough to hear through the static. _"Look, I just...you haven't RSVP'd to the invitation I gave you. You...did get it, right? I had to leave it with someone else--"_

"Yeah, I got it all right," he snapped, then softened again. _When am I going to stop being so defensive? When am I going to stop blowing up for no reason, out of control? When am I--_

_"It's next weekend, you know. Not this coming, the week after. I need to know so I can tell catering the final guest count--"_

"Why the hell are you planning it? Isn't this supposed to be for you, Miss CEO?" He focused less on the words he was saying and more on Lloyd rubbing his back, Colette in his hands.

_"W-well, I have to keep an eye on things. So? Are...you coming?"_ Her release was timid, anxious.

"Ah..."

His eyes flicked to Colette, who nodded solemnly. "We'll go with you," she mouthed, barely audible.

Zelos felt adrenaline surge through the back of his head, driving his heartbeat up in panic. _I don't want to, I still don't want to._ Lloyd's grip on his shoulders tensed again. _But..._ He sighed. "Yeah. Sure. W-whatever."

_"You...will?"_ Seles' voice was tentative. _"You're not just saying that so you don't have to talk to me again, are you?"_

"No, I'll go." He squeezed Colette's hands and bumped his head back against Lloyd's. "But, I'm bringing two dates."

_"What? Why do you--?"_ She sighed. _"Oh, whatever. If it'll get you here, I don't care."_ Her relief was palpable. _“You know where the venue is, right?”_

“Sure. I’ll figure it out.”

_“It’s a black tie event, so, um…floor length dresses for women, and tuxedos for men. Or, whomever you’re bringing…”_

Zelos rolled his eyes. _Typical. It's always a roulette about who I show up with, right?_ “Got it. Anything else you want to lecture me on?”

_“I’m not lecturing you! I--ugh.”_ Seles huffed on the line. _“At least you’re...talking to me. I was...worried about you, you know.”_

“What a surprise,” Zelos replied, but his sarcasm was fragile. He felt Lloyd kiss the back of his head, and it sent goosebumps down his arms. _Ah…_

_“W-well...um, I guess that’s all, for now,”_ she said. _“We’ll talk later, at the ball, then?”_

“Sounds like it,” Zelos replied, already setting the phone down on the bed. “Bye, Seles.”

_“Zelos?”_

“What?”

_“...Thank you.”_

The phone beeped twice, then went silent.

“Was that so bad?” Lloyd said from behind.

Zelos snarled, elbowing him back. “Fuck you! I d-didn’t want to do that...not yet…”

“Then when? You can’t avoid your sister forever,” Colette said.

“I could’ve, but I guess I’m not anymore,” he growled, letting go of her hands and crossing his arms. “Whatever, I’m going to this fancy-schmancy ball thing now, and you’re both coming with me.”

“I’m excited!” Colette exclaimed, clapping her hands together. “I’ll have to see if my prom dress still fits…”

“We can get you a new dress, kitten,” Zelos said, still snappy due to the tightness in his head fueled by anxiety. She seemed to sense this, as her face fell and she looked down at the bed. _Damn it._ “Ah, I...I just--”

“We’re going with you, like you said,” Lloyd affirmed, arranging himself back in front of him. _How does someone stay that optimistic?,_ he thought. _How do you keep that light in your eyes…_ “If anything goes wrong, which I don’t think it will, we’ll be right there to make sure you’re okay.”

“That’s right,” Colette agreed. “I-I know you must be nervous, but try not to...think too much about it? I don’t know…”

Zelos tilted his head and cupped her cheek in his hand. “I’ll try to just think about how cute you’re going to look in a dress.” He glanced over to Lloyd. “Do you have your own tux?”

“Nope,” he replied. “Last time I wore one, it was a rental.”

“You’re not going to fit into any of mine, that’s for sure,” Zelos said, drawing away from Colette and poking at his own stomach. “Not when I’m a skinny fuck who’s about hundred pounds soaking wet.”

Lloyd grinned slowly. “Really? That’s it?” He jumped off the bed and circled around to the edge Zelos was on. “Let’s find out--”

Zelos’ heart stuttered as he watched the devilish expression on his boyfriend’s face evolve. “What--whoa, _whoa!”_  

Lloyd scooped Zelos up into his arms with ease, even tossing him in his grasp, laughing all the while. “Damn, you are light! I could probably lift both of you at once if I wanted--”

Colette scooted back immediately. “Lloyd Irving, _do not,”_ she warned. “You’ll throw out your back--!” Despite her scolding, she also looked thoroughly amused.

Zelos looped his arms around Lloyd’s neck. “It’s good to have a strong man in my life~,” he said. “It’ll be nice to dance with you again, handsome.”

“Sheesh,” Lloyd muttered, gently laying him back down on the bed. “This isn’t going to be a club, though, it’s a...er, fancy dance.”

Colette snickered. “It’s not too different.” She paused, a finger to her lip. “You know, if we’ve all danced together, that’s like PDA, right?”

“We haven’t danced yet, angel,” Zelos reminded her. “And there’s more to it than that...like kissing in public, for example.”

“Oh yeah…”

They all fell quiet. _It’s different out in the world than just in your own bedroom,_ Zelos thought. _It only takes once to make you never want to touch a lover in public again…_

_(maybe you’re just a coward)_

_Ugh…_

“Well, I think…” Lloyd began, drawing out his words, processing as he thought. “If...we all just...stick together...we’ll be okay. I mean, we’re not hurting anyone, right?”

“Lloyd, do you care about what people think of you?” Zelos asked abruptly.

“Huh?” He rolled his head from one shoulder to the other. “Well, I care about what you guys think of me, and Dad too--”

Zelos shook his head. “No, no, I mean _people._ The whole world at large.” He looked directly at him as he spoke. _I do. I know I do. I hate it, but I can’t help it, I’ve always been out for the world to judge. I pretend I don’t care, but it can only do so much._ He felt his heart rate rise, and tried to stifle it with steady breathing. _You can’t fake it, but I can. And yet I still haven’t faked it enough to really make it yet._

_(was it worth it?)_

“No, then,” Lloyd answered finally. “I guess I don’t. If some stranger has a problem with me being me, there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m not going to change anything.” He looked back to Colette, then to Zelos again. “And if someone has an issue with the people I care about, and the way we live, I’m not going to bother and hide it.”

_Holy Martel._ Zelos’ eyes widened. “You’re brave,” he marveled. “Stupidly brave. We’ll see how far it gets you.”

Lloyd ran a hand back through his hair and grinned cheekily. _I thought Colette was sunshine, but this...this is blinding._ “I told you I wanted to do this, so we’re going to do it. Yeah?”

“Hey,” Colette spoke up, leaning forward. “I have both of your backs. You’re my... _boyfriends.”_

“You just like saying it, don’t you?” Zelos said, ruffling her hair.

“Yes!” she replied brightly, rising to her knees and hugging them both around their shoulders. “This is the best thing I could’ve ever wished for! I care about you guys so mu-uu _uuuuch!”_

Her forward momentum had pushed her too far, and she ended up pushing both of the boys back onto the bed, her flopped on top of them. She tried tucking her arms in so she didn’t squash their necks. “Oh, I’m sorry!” she cried, but not before Lloyd hugged her from behind, squeezing her middle.

Zelos looked on for a moment, before joining in, hugging her around her front, and one of his arms around to Lloyd behind her. _Every time I hear them laugh, see them smile, it’s like everything that’s on my mind, everything I hate about myself melts away._

“Hey, it’s a Colette sandwich!”

_“Goddess,_ Lloyd--!”

Zelos buried his face into her shoulder, so the others couldn’t see him smiling, huge and wide. _Is this what it’s like to feel normal? Is this what it’s like to be...fearless? I could take on the world, with these kids by my side. And we’re finally...together. A trio._

“Oh shit, I forgot, I have to write that thing for K--Aurion’s class by the end of the week.”

“Oh yeah, it’s going to be your last class with him, right?”

“Yup, then I’m doing all outdoor classes for the rest of the summer.” Lloyd struggled to sit up, but Zelos still had a hold of his arm, and Colette wasn’t budging. “Uh, guys?”

“Nope,” Zelos said, still muffled into her shoulder. “You gotta stay. Can’t separate the ‘sandwich’.”

Colette giggled. “I’m too cozy, anyway!” she squealed, kissing the side of Zelos’ face that was visible.

He felt his face flush, too hot to be hidden any longer. _How did I get so lucky, again?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This didn't turn out quite like I initially thought, but hey, I really just wanted to write something fluffy, after all that happened the last few chapters. Zelos is exaggerating about his weight, but Lloyd is still Strong. I think this chapter I captured the Lloyd Essence, which sometimes I find hard to do? Out of all the voices, I write from Lloyd's the most, and yet I feel like sometimes I don't nail him quite as effectively. Here, with his blinding bravery about being public about their relationship, I think it fits. And making Zelos answer the phone, heh. 
> 
> Next chapter involves Lloyd's last class with Kratos, albeit from Colette and Zelos' point of view. I wonder what will happen...


	34. History

Colette pushed the door open to her apartment with a sigh. Her backpack was heavy with books and papers. _A research project over the summer? That’ll be just wonderful when it gets to be too hot to focus…_ “I’m home,” she called, kicking off her shoes.

From the fold out bed, Zelos waved to her and sat up as she dropped her backpack on the floor. He strolled right up to her and held her cheeks in his hands. “Welcome home, my honey,” he said, kissing her quickly. _I’m not used to his kisses yet,_ she thought, unable to stop a smile from taking over her face as she reached up to hold his hands. _He’s probably kissed hundreds of people hundreds of times, but every time he kisses me, it’s as if I’m the very first._

His hands slipped from hers and slid down through to her hips. “How was class?” he asked.

“Okay. I’m glad vacation’s coming up soon,” she said. “I’ve still got a ton of work to do over it, but at least I won’t have morning classes…”

“Then you can get your beauty sleep, and be just as stunning as me~,” he teased, kissing her cheek. “You’re cute either way. I can’t imagine you any _cuter.”_

As he wandered back over to the futon, Colette watched him plop back, t-shirt askew, hair in a loose ponytail, still in lounging pants. “Can I tell you something?” she said.

“Anything you’d like,” he replied. He lowered his light eyes, but something in his shoulders tensed, allowing the cords on his neck to stand out slightly.

“I...honestly never thought you could be like this,” Colette said, her weight shifting from foot to foot. “So...sweet.” _I knew it already, but ever since we got together, it seems like he’s been making up for lost time._

He relaxed, letting out a deep sigh. “Usually, people have something worse to say,” he remarked. “See, you’ve gotten through Depressed Zelos, and Asshole Zelos, and now you get Okay Boyfriend Zelos.” He posed lazily, one hand in the air and his head cocked. “I am a man of many faces.”

“Gosh, you’re more than just ‘okay’,” Colette insisted, covering her mouth. “I mean, I, um, still get butterflies when you...kiss me…”

His eyes lit up, a small flush in his cheeks. “You are so precious,” he commented, stretching his arms out. “Won’t you sit with me, pretty girl?”

She giggled and made her way around the futon, and sat herself down in Zelos’ lap. He wrapped his arms around her middle and perched his chin on her head. “So, when’s our other third coming home?” he asked.

“Lloyd should be home in about an hour,” she said, trying to find a comfortable spot against his bony torso. “Today’s his last class with Professor Aurion, and I think he has a written test to do."

“Sounds about right,” Zelos said. “Well, we can just wait for him here. Then maybe we can go out shopping for a dress for you?”

“Really?” She twisted her neck up to see him. “I-I haven’t even tried on my old dress to see if it fits--”

“Nah, you don’t have to,” he insisted, kissing the back of her head. “We’ll get you something pretty and new, so you can be the most beautiful Cinderella at the ball~.”

“Yay!” She beamed up at him, and he returned it with a slightly weaker smile. _I’ve never been to anything that fancy before. I wonder what color dress I should get…_ She yawned, and realized the TV was on, the volume barely audible. “Oh, are you watching nature documentaries again?”

“Eh, it’s just background noise,” he replied. “I was about ready to take a nap ‘til Lloyd got back.”

“Mmm.” She snuggled into him, curling up. “That’s probably--” She yawned again. “--a good idea.”

He stroked her hair, and it lulled her even further, her eyelids dipping below where she could see. “You were still up when I got home from radio last night,” he murmured. “Get a little nap in, angel.”

She smiled to herself as she readjusted again, finally finding a comfortable place to rest her head, and sighed deeply. _Being here with Zelos like this is still a totally new experience, whereas with Lloyd, it’s like a comfy old jacket, worn and cozy. I wonder...if someday it’ll feel like that with Z, too._

_Though I don’t mind the butterflies, for now…_

She drifted into a light sleep.

* * *

 

There were only two students left in Professor Aurion’s classroom by the end of the period. The first one walked up the aisle to drop off her paper at Aurion’s desk, but stopped short at Lloyd Irving’s to place an envelope on top of it.

“Lloyd?” she asked.

“Hm?” He was buried deep in the last question, a dazed look on his face.

She patted the envelope on the desk, simply inscribed with his first name. “You dropped this,” she said, before continuing her journey up to the front.

“Oh, thanks,” he said to her back. He tucked the envelope under his paper as he finished his last essay question. _This was a lot more...involved than I thought it would be. I thought it was all going to be multiple choice? Since we had a take home paper to write too? Sheesh._

As he was looking his answers over, the envelope kept distracting him from the corner of his eye. _I wonder what that is,_ he thought. _It's clearly Kratos' handwriting. Maybe he wrote me a recommendation letter? Funny, he never mentioned it before._ His eyes widened. _Or, maybe that’s what he wanted to call me into his office for last week._ Lloyd smirked to himself as he got up. _He’s really been a cool teacher for me. Even if he is tough._

Lloyd jogged up to his desk. “Here you go, Professor,” he said, setting it down triumphantly on top of the pile. “Sorry it took me so long.”

Aurion checked the wall clock and shook his head. “Not at all. You’re still within the period.” He gathered up the papers, straightened them with a sharp _clack_ against the desk, and placed them in his briefcase. “It’s been a pleasure having you in class, Lloyd.”

“Th-thanks, Professor,” he replied. “Hey, I got an envelope on my--”

“If you have any questions about it, I’ll be in my office,” Aurion interrupted. He glanced at him briefly, and Lloyd was surprised at how intense it was. _Weird..._

“O-okay. Thanks.” Lloyd nodded and hurried back to his desk. _Guess there’s no harm in reading it now,_ he thought, slitting it open at the top with his thumb. _Now I’m really wondering what it could_

_be…_

There were two sheets of paper inside, written in small, neat print. Lloyd scanned it quickly,

_(“It makes me wonder if your real father is out there somewhere.”)_

flipping between the sheets, his face falling at every word that was written.

_(“I don’t...I don’t know if I’d want to meet him.”)_

Lloyd’s mouth felt very dry, acid gnawing at the pit of his stomach. _What...what is this…?_

_(a wide open kitchen, sitting in a tall chair, porcelain plates, the faded winter sun pouring in through the windows. A woman whose face cannot be seen paces around in a yellow dress, while a man with spiked red hair sits on the opposite end of the table)_

He slowly looked up--Aurion was almost done packing up his things and heading toward the door. “H-hey,” Lloyd croaked. _This is like a dream, a bad one._ His feet felt like molasses, glued to the linoleum, and the letter in his hand felt like a hundred pounds of lead, weighing heavy in his grasp. “Hey!”

Aurion paused at the door, looking directly at him,

_(She looks over to the man. “K----os, get something for him to eat, honey,” she says.)_

one hand the door. “Yes?” It was less of a question, more of a statement.

Lloyd swallowed thick, finally managing to move, and shook it in his hand. “Wh-what the hell is this all about?” he asked, voice cracking.

He stepped away from the door, a small smirk tucked away in the corner of his lips. “I’m surprised you read it all already,” he remarked.

“Th-this isn’t some kind of joke--!” Lloyd snapped. Anger rushed through him, the hand holding the letter shaking. _What are you trying to say? Stop smirking like that! What is all of this_

_(“K----os”)_

_supposed to...to be?_

Aurion sighed long and deep, and wandered back to the desk, setting his briefcase down. “I apologize,” he said quietly. He rummaged through his bag under Lloyd’s watch until he found what he was looking for--a gold locket, fairly large in size, with simple ornamentation on the outside. With gently trembling hands, he pried it open, displaying it for Lloyd to see.

He took it without a word. _A couple and a baby._ “That’s...you?” he said.

“Yes,” he replied. “The woman beside me is my late wife, Anna.”

_Anna. Anna. Anna._ Lloyd’s vision began to blur. _That’s the same as...same as..._ “Th-then...who’s...the baby?”

_(“K----os”)_

_(“Kratos”)_

Lloyd felt Aurion’s deep, red eyes pour through him. “That...is you.”

* * *

 

"Zelos?"

Colette stood over him as he rolled over, curled up in himself. She bit her lip, bouncing on her toes. "Z, wake up."

"Hmm? What?" he groaned, throwing an arm over his face.

"It's been an hour and a half, and Lloyd isn't back yet."

He peeked one eye out. "Yeah? So?"

"So...!" Her hands wrung together. "It isn't like him to do this. I'm worried," she said, pacing around the futon. "I talked to him in the morning, he said he was going to meet up here--"

"Why don't you give him a call?" Zelos suggested, sitting up and scratching the back of his head. Despite being barely awake, his eyes were already alert, watching her closely.

"O-oh, yeah," she replied, hitting the side of her face with the palm of her hand. "Silly me. I should've done that first." She rushed over to the kitchen table where her small, modest phone was, flipped it open, and pressed only a couple buttons before holding it to her face.

"You have him on speed dial?" Zelos asked.

"Yeah," she said as the phone rang in her ear. It rang three, four times, before falling to voicemail. _"The person you are trying to reach--'Lloyd Irving'--is not available. At the tone, record your message. When you are finished recording, you may hang up, or press '1' for more options."_

The line beeped, and Colette stumbled to leave a message. "H-hey, um, it's just me. Just wondering where you are, give me a call when you get a chance. Zelos and I are home right now. Okay, bye." She snapped her phone shut. "No answer..."

"Your messages are so clumsy," Zelos remarked. "But cute. I kept the one you left me that one time."

Colette smiled nervously, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I'm seriously worried. I hope nothing happened to him..."

"I'm sure he'll be home soon," he reassured, getting up and hugging her from behind. "Maybe he's having another heart to heart with Professor Grouchy."

She spun around in his grasp. "Aren't _you_ worried?" she asked.

"Worried? Me?” He tried to smile at her, but it faltered, falling flat. “Ah, I’m just trying not to get worked up. I’m fuckin’ useless like that.”

“Ah…” Colette placed her hands gingerly on his hips, in some effort to comfort. “Wh...well, what should we do?”

“Wanna go look for him?” he asked. “All I brought was the bike.”

“That’s right, he took the truck today, for whatever reason…” She nodded, if only to affirm herself. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

“Put your hair up, and we will.” Zelos bent over to his laundry pile and pulled out a pair of jeans. “Our first crisis as a trio, how romantic.”

“Zelos!”

“We’re going out to find him, don’t worry, princess,” he said, halfway through pulling down his sweatpants. “Unless you’d like to see me strip first~.”

Colette simply turned around and rushed to the bathroom, searching for a hair tie. _How can he even be this way when our boyfriend is missing?_

_(“I’m just trying not to get worked up.”)_

She tied her hair up in a quick ponytail. _When am I going to be able to take off the mask? He’s getting better at being honest with us, but..._

_Later. We need to find Lloyd…_

* * *

 

They peeled into the Tethe’alla U student parking lot, Colette clinging tight to Zelos’ waist as he turned sharply around the lot. “I don’t see the truck,” Zelos called back. “Fuck, where is he?”

“Slow down!” Colette exclaimed, pinching him. “If you park, we can go into the building and ask around. Raine or Professor Aurion should still be around.”

He whirled the bike around into an empty spot toward the front of the lot and jammed the engine off. Throwing out the kickstand, he nearly leaped off the bike, leaving Colette precariously teetering on the seat. “A-ah!” she yelped, waving her hands.

“Shit!” He rushed over to hold her steady, and assisted in lifting her off the bike. “Sorry, sweetie. I guess I got...ah…”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked, pulling off the helmet. _He was fine when we left, but now I think something’s sunk in..._

“I’ll feel better once we know where Lloyd is,” he said, eyes darting. He rooted around in his back pocket. “Let me call him again, while we go up…”

Colette stayed close beside him as he sifted through the screen, then clicking the call button. She watched his hopeful face fall after a few moments before he grit his teeth. “Hey, it’s Zelos, where the hell are you? Call me back, we’re looking for you.” He jammed the phone back into his pocket as he shoved the door open.

“I-I’m sure he can’t be far--” Colette tried to reassure.

“Oh, so you’re the one consoling me now?” Zelos retaliated, then squeezed his eyes shut. “Damn it…”

“Relax,” she said, grasping for his hand and letting their fingers intertwine. He smirked weakly at her before he raced up the stairs, nearly dragging her along with him. _It’s like we just flip-flopped roles,_ she thought as they reached the second floor. _But it’s not as if I’m any less on edge…_

“Empty, empty, wrong room…” Zelos muttered. “He’s not here. He’s not here.”

“Colette?”

Raine was strolling down the hallway with an armful of folders, and stopped short when she saw the two. Colette waved with her free hand. “Hi, Raine! Have you seen Lloyd?”

She caught her staring at her and Zelos’ linked hands, but her eyes flicked up just in time, revealing no opinion of what she just saw. “Hm? Lloyd?” she pondered. “I think he was here earlier, for Kratos’ class...shouldn’t he be with you?”

“Yeah, he hasn’t been home yet, and we can’t get a hold of him,” Colette said. “We both tried calling him, and he won’t answer his phone.”

She rested her chin on her stack of papers. “That’s odd,” she said, walking ahead with a small motion for them to follow. “Maybe there was an emergency he had to take care of back home.”

They ended up in front of her office, and she fished for her keys with one hand. “Oh no! Do you think something happened to Dirk?” Colette fretted, glancing between her and Zelos.

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “Like I said, I--”

“You’re looking for Lloyd?”

All three of them turned around to spot Professor Aurion standing in the door frame of his office, arms crossed, a stern look in his eye. “Kratos, you're still here…?” Raine mused quietly.

“Yeah, we are,” Zelos replied, his voice oddly low. “What, do you know something?”

“Yes,” he stated, eyes wandering to Raine before returning to the couple in front of him. “I kept him late to discuss a few things with him. He left not too long ago.”

“Did he...tell you where he was going?” Colette asked. “It's not that far from here to our place, so he should've been home right now…”

“I gave him a lot to think about,” Aurion said, turning back towards his door. “He might be off somewhere to clear his head. Now, if you'll excuse me--”

“But--” Colette began, but stopped short at his intense, yet tired gaze.

“That is all I can offer,” he said. He also took a quick glance at her and Zelos’ laced hands. “He won't be far before he comes back for you.” He made a point to look directly at Colette, then Zelos, before slipping back into his office and shutting the door.

“O...kay,” Zelos said slowly, staring at the closed door. “What was that all about?”

“I may know,” Raine said. She had liberated herself from her folder stack while they were preoccupied. “I can't say for sure. It's...not my place.”

Zelos fumed. “What the hell? We’re his...his…” He fumbled in Raine’s presence, helplessness compounded by the situation. “H-his friends, why are we being kept in the dark?”

A _ding_ from Colette’s pocket jumped the three of them. “That has to be him,” she said, pulling her phone from her jeans. _It better be…_ “It's a text. ‘At Z’s’. That's all it says.”

“That's it?” His clammy hand squeezed hers in random intervals. “I guess that's better than nothing. Come on, Colette.”

He started to yank her arm back toward where they came, and she struggled to keep her footing as she walked backwards to face Raine. “A-ah, sorry, Raine! Thanks for your help!” she called.

“Good luck,” she replied, watching them until they disappeared down the stairwell, a crease in her brow.

* * *

 

“Kratos?”

“What is it?”

“Open the door.”

“I told him. That’s all you wanted to know, isn’t it?”

* * *

 

Zelos was silent as they rode the elevator up to his floor, and Colette couldn’t help but keep her eye on him. _Who should I be more worried about? Zelos or Lloyd? He hasn’t said a word since we left the school._ Their hands held each other loosely. _I’m sure he’ll be better once we actually see him. Then we can see what happened…_

When they reached the door, he checked it aimlessly, feeling the lock, then huffed as he was forced to get his keys. “C’mon,” he muttered as he shoved the key in the door, busting it open as soon as the latch would give.

Lloyd was sitting at the bar, a caramel colored drink with ice in it sitting in front of him. He was hunched over, eyes glazed, with a couple pieces of paper laid out in front of him. He didn’t appear to be reading them, or focused on anything at all.

_“There_ you are!” Zelos said, rushing over to him and wrapping his arm around his shoulder. “You had Colette worried sick, babe.”

“You were more worried than I was!” Colette replied, although the relief in Zelos’ eyes and disposition was clear. “Is everything okay? ...Lloyd?”

He had not moved at all from his position, and it was only when she called his name that she acknowledged them at all. “Hey,” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes with one hand. “Just...been a long day.”

“What happened?” Colette walked over to his other side, perched by his shoulder. She could smell alcohol on his breath. _Ah..._ “We went to campus to look for you, and--”

“See for yourself,” Lloyd said, tapping the paper in front of him and took another swig of the drink on the table. Zelos grabbed for it first, making Colette jog around to the other side of the table to see.

She nestled herself into the crook of his arm. “Is this from...Professor Aurion?” she asked.

Lloyd made no reply, so she read along with Zelos to herself, in the even, neat handwriting:

_"Dear Lloyd,_

_Many years ago, I was a traveling historian. I did a lot of field research, visited many places, and met many people along the way. The knowledge I gained along the way was what helped me to become head of Tethe’alla University’s history department. But, that was not the most important thing--for along the way, I met one of the most important people in my life._

_A beautiful woman, who would later become my wife. Her name was Anna._

_We lived together for a short while, enriching each other’s lives, and when the time came when she asked me if I wanted to become a father, I agreed. She gave birth to a healthy baby boy, and I took the time to settle down, helping to take care of my new family. We named him Lloyd._

_Our happy little unit was disrupted on the eve of spring, cold enough to frost the budding trees. We had an argument over something foolish, as is what tends to happen to couples who stay together long enough. It was petty, that is all I can remember. She took her car, as well as you, and left in the night. I assumed she went to her mother’s, or for a simple drive. I expected her to be home by morning. She wasn’t._

_I called her mother, who had heard nothing from her. I looked for her, in the places she used to love going. It wasn’t long before I found the wreckage, in a river by a small village in Sylverant. Her face frostbitten and slack. My son, nowhere to be seen, save for the remnants of the safety seat and a single shoe._

_I was heartbroken by this loss and, for lack of better words, ran away. By the time I had it in me to face the world, five years had passed. I settled back into my work, got a more stable job at the university, and allowed myself to resume a daily routine. I discovered that someone had made a grave for my late wife, out of the kindness of her loss._

_When you came into my class, Lloyd Irving, I thought I was living a sick dream. I convinced myself, “there is no way he could still be living. Not after that crash.” But, you were the right age. Your eyes reminded me so much of hers. But, I chalked it up to coincidence. Lloyd is a common name, as well as the surname._

_Then, I saw you at her grave, the same time I was to visit. There was no denying it then._

_I was not sure how to reveal this to you. After all, it’s been over fifteen years since the accident, and you are an adult now. How could I, a weathered, lonely history professor, simply waltz into your life and claim himself to be your birth father? I am sure there is already someone in your life whom you call “father”, and I am no one to usurp that position. I am giving this to you at the end of our time together in the classroom, so you may decide whether to continue any sort of relationship with me._

_I will be honest, I do want to be some part of your life. You are my only son, the only piece of family I have left. But, I understand if this comes as a rude announcement. I cannot make the choice for you. You have friends and family who love you, and I can only humbly request to become one of those members._

_I am sure you have more questions. I will be happy to answer any you have._

_I am grateful that you are alive and well._

_Yours,_   
_Kratos_   
_(421) 555-5288"_

“Oh my Goddess…” Colette whispered, looking up at Zelos. He had a similar, wide eyed look on his face. “Professor Aurion...is your _father?”_

Lloyd nodded slowly, reaching in his pocket and revealing a large, gold locket. “He...gave me this, too.”

He tossed it on the table, skittering across the hardwood, and Colette tentatively grasped it, using her nails to pry it open. Zelos bent over to see the picture clearly. “That’s your birth family, isn’t it? With you as the baby.”

“Yeah.” Lloyd shook his head. “I just...I never...never ever thought I was going to deal with...this.”

“He even said you don’t have to talk to him or whatever,” Zelos said, letting the paper flutter to rest on the table. “Considering the bastard didn’t take any effort to look for you, I wouldn’t bother.”

“Don’t you think that’s a little harsh?” Colette said. “Aurion isn’t mean…”

“Eh, I don’t have much good experience with dads,” he replied. “Fuck ‘em, honestly.”

“I drove to Dad’s shop,” Lloyd said thickly. “I told him. He just said, ‘do what feels best for you’. He didn’t seem that...surprised.”

Colette opened her mouth. _Don’t you mean Dirk’s? Now that you know…,_ she wanted to say, but she shut it, letting the sentence dissolve between her lips. Lloyd continued, looking off into dead space. “I mean...he’d already mentioned that he thought my birth father was still alive. I didn’t...know he was this...close.”

“I thought you two looked similar,” Zelos mentioned. “Remember?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Lloyd set his head down on the table. “I don’t...really know what to do. I don’t...think I should cut him out. But...it does feel kind of late.” He adjusted it so his eyes peeked out at his date friends. “I...remember some things, from before. Just enough. It’s...weird.”

“What did you tell him?” Colette asked.

“I told him I’d think about it,” he replied. “He...gave me his number. And I’m still going to be at the school, just not in his class or that building anymore.”

_Lloyd…_ His shoulders were still low, as if he were balancing two ton weights on top of them. Colette hugged him from the side, kissing his cheek. “We’ll have your back, whatever you decide,” she reassured. “Right, Zelos?”

“I guess so,” Zelos sighed, standing right behind him and draping his arms over his shoulders. “If you want to kindle some touching relationship, it’ll be better than anything I’ve ever had.”

Lloyd smirked, leaning back into Zelos and wrapping an arm around Colette. “Thanks, guys,” he said. “I’m gonna...need to think about this a lot still.”

“That’s okay. Take all the time you need,” Colette replied with a smile. Lloyd returned it with a grateful kiss on her lips.

“So, I’m guessing we’re not going dress shopping today,” Zelos said.

“Shit, is that why you wanted me to meet at our place?” Lloyd replied. “I wanted to be here...well, because of the bigger bed. I’m...probably not going to sleep well.”

“Then take the middle, and we’ll keep you cozy,” Zelos purred, kissing his temple. He kept running a finger down the side of his neck, toying by his collar. “And I’ve always got something to make you feel better~.”

Lloyd shivered. “I don’t know if making out with you is going to work this time,” he said with a chuckle, tilting his head back to eye him.

He grinned hopefully. “Doesn’t hurt to try, does it~?”

Colette covered her mouth to suppress a giggle. _There’s classic Zelos._

“Ah, see? Even our princess thinks so,” Zelos said. “Goddess, next time though, give us a heads up on where you are. If that were me, well, it’d be a lot worse.” His smile faltered slightly. _So that’s why he got so worked up,_ Colette thought.

“I usually _do,_ it’s just...this caught me way off-guard. I was...kind of upset, y’know?”

“Yeah, I get you. Why don’t we lay you down for at least a nice back rub, then~?”

“You just want to get your hands on me…”

“So?”

Zelos dragged him off the chair and yanked him toward the spare room. “Oh angel, are you coming to soothe our handsome boyfriend?”

“In a sec!” Colette was still preoccupied with the locket, turning it over in her hands. _Aurion looks so young in this picture,_ she thought. _And that’s...Anna, his mom. She looks like a kind lady. I can see Lloyd in both of him. Her eyes, his jaw, her smile, his shoulders. I always assumed he took after Dirk, even though I knew they weren’t blood related, but this is so much closer._

“Can you leave my shirt on for once?”

“It’s not my fault you have such a nice, muscular back~.”

_I...can’t even imagining finding a family at this point in my life. I...already have one. I have my parents, and I have Lloyd and Zelos in a way, too._ She gently placed the locket back on the table. _I guess family can be found anywhere. It still seems like he wants to make some kind of effort, after all these years, which is something._ She pattered down the hall to the bedroom. _But, that’s for him to decide._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus ties up the loose ends with Kratos! He might pop back up here and there, but we'll have to see how much Lloyd wants him to be in his life. Zelos goes through a bit of a roller coaster too--he's probably finding that he should just let his emotions show with his datefriends. Kratos' letter turned out a little long winded, but I think it works. Writing Kratos reminds me of how I like to write Shadow the Hedgehog, so it's comfortable. 
> 
> Let's see, what's next on the menu? I've slated to do the company ball next, but I may do a fluffy chapter with dress shopping next instead. Also! There's going to be a Kratos NSFW one-shot posted separately for those interested, so stay tuned for that!


	35. Shopping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who are interested, this is where [The Needs of Selfishness](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5123948) falls, a NSFW Kraun chapter that delves into Kratos' take on the events of the last chapter. And sex. That too. Check it out! Otherwise, enjoy!

“Wow, this place is so big!” Colette marvelled as they walked into the boutique. The carpets were red, and everything was lit with bright, incandescent light, giving the store additional heat as well. Racks of sample dresses were everywhere, including several small sitting areas beside fitting rooms where those trying things on could display themselves to others. Associates in crisp, black suits were everywhere, waiting for customers to serve. Colette rushed ahead, taking everything in, followed by Zelos and Lloyd at a more relaxed pace.

“This is the best place for formal wear in Tethe’alla,” Zelos commented, and flagged down one of the employees. “We’re looking for a dress for a black-tie event for this pretty lady.” He pointed to Colette, still wide eyed and gawking. “She’s a real princess, so treat her like one, okay?”

The employee, a heavy set woman with dark, blunt cut hair, chuckled. “Certainly, sir,” she said, pushing her thin framed glasses on her nose. She had to tap Colette on the shoulder in order to get her attention. “Miss, let’s have you measured and look at a few things.”

“O-oh!” She glanced back at her boyfriends. “Um, I’ll...be right back I guess?” she said before being led away.

“We’ll be over here,” Zelos said, walking over to one of the benches in front of the fitting area, ushering Lloyd with him. “Have fun, cutie~.”

They sat down, and Zelos watched as Lloyd stared down at the carpet with his hands clasped between his legs. “You doing all right?” he asked. “You’ve been pretty quiet today.”

“Hm?” He perked up for a moment, then shook his head. “Nah, I’m fine. Just a little tired, that’s all.”

The bags under his eyes were telling enough. “You were tossing and turning last night. Col says you sleep like a rock most of the time.”

Lloyd chuckled. “Yeah, I do.” He sighed and stared at the ceiling. “Just...not lately.”

Zelos gave him a hard look. _He always knows when I’m hiding something,_ Lloyd thought, his toes curling in his shoes. _Am I that bad at it?_ “You’re still thinking about that whole thing with Kratos, aren’t you?”

He felt Zelos' arm snake around his waist. “Y-yeah,” he said. “It’s hard when you have something...something like that come out of nowhere.” _Kratos._ The image of him flashed in his mind. _I never thought we looked alike, but the more I look at that picture, the more I see him in me. But, we’re so different--is that only because I was raised by someone else?_

 _Would I be the same if Mom hadn’t died? Would_ he _be any different?_

Lloyd felt Zelos rub his back, and he jerked up at his face. _For once, he looks more awake than I do._ After a quick scan of the room, Zelos took his hand and laced it with his. “It’s not like you to worry like this,” he said. “It doesn’t--”

“H-how’s this one?”

Colette emerged from the fitting room in a sleek, black gown, hugging her waist and chest, with spaghetti straps and a deep “V” down the middle. White and silver flowers were embroidered along the side, all the way from the top of her breast down through her hip. It was floor length, and almost too long for her in her bare feet. Her face was flush and hair was frizzy along her shoulders. “I should have put my hair up to try stuff on…”

“Ooh, that one’s nice,” Zelos said, his eyes scanning her body head to toe. “It really accentuates your lovely curves~.”

“Z-Zelos…” Colette covered her face, only one eye peeking out, and it was directed toward Lloyd. “What do you think, Lloyd?”

He blinked a couple times and finally looked up at her. “Ah, it looks good, hon,” he said with a weak smile. _I know that he said that I didn’t have to talk with him if I don’t want to, but...I feel guilty if I don’t._

Zelos side-eyed him, then returned his attention to Colette. “Turn around, let me see the back.”

The back of the dress was low cut and swooping, revealing her bra. “Um, I probably won’t wear a bra with this, I don’t really need to…” Her tone had dropped considerably.

“I don’t think this is it,” Zelos said, chin in his free hand. “It’s very sexy, but it doesn’t wow me. Right, babe?” When Lloyd didn’t respond, he squeezed his hand hard. _“Right?”_

“Huh? Y-yeah,” Lloyd replied, and returned to a concerned looking Colette. _Shit, I’m not paying attention...I just can’t help it when--_

“Is everything okay?” Colette asked.

“Yeah, don’t worry,” Lloyd insisted. “Go try on another dress. M-maybe a lighter color?”

She nodded with a quiet smile before walking off with the woman and disappearing behind the door. As soon as she was gone, Lloyd rubbed his temple. “Ugh, damn it…”

“Look, just try and be on this planet while she’s trying stuff on, and _then_ you can deal with that,” Zelos muttered.

“Martel, it’s just...I still don’t know what to do about it!” he exclaimed, albeit at a whisper. “I don’t want to just shut him out now that he’s around, but at the same time I feel like I would’ve been better off just not knowing at all. I keep remembering stuff from when I was a kid now that I either never knew was there, or just never thought about--”

Zelos scoffed at him. “I still think you should just forget about him. It was a dick move for him to even do that to you in the first place. It’d save you a lot of that overthinking.”

“But he’s still my...my dad. My birth dad.” _My_ real _dad,_ his mind nagged, and he tried to shove it away.

“So what?”

“So? _So,_ I’ve at least got to give him a chance, right?”

“Uh, no? You don’t?” Zelos lowered his eyes, twirling a lock of his hair in his finger. “He fuckin’ ran away when you were a baby, he walked out of your life--”

“Because he thought I was _dead!”_ Lloyd’s voice had raised to a near shout, and he had to take a breath to avoid the watchful eyes of passersby. “He’s the only one who knows anything about my mom! I don’t really want to give that up yet.”

“It’s all in the past though, who cares?”

Lloyd scowled. _Come on! That lazy tone pisses me off sometimes…!_ “You talk as if you don’t still have night terrors about--”

Zelos snapped back his hand, nearly cracking Lloyd’s wrist in the process. “Don’t fucking go there,” he warned, his eyes suddenly dark and guarded. “Just...don’t, all right?”

His face fell, and a knot grew in his stomach. “I-I’m sorry, Z…”

Zelos crossed his arms and turned away. “I get it. We don’t see eye to eye about this whole family thing." His tone was dry and hollow.  _Shit, there's the mask again. It's that same look and tone he used with us when we first met him..._ "I never really had much of a family to speak of, so…”

“It was a low blow, I’m sorry,” Lloyd apologized emphatically, leaning over at him. “I just need to get this off my chest. I didn’t mean…”

Zelos was still staring straight ahead, closed off and not looking at him. _Damn it, damn it! Might as well just eat your boots, Lloyd._ He gingerly reached for his thigh. “I...I’ll always make sure to make you feel better after those nightmares. I’ll be right there with you,” he murmured.

His eyes shifted over to him, their coolness subsiding, and he smirked, just barely. “Okay. Apology accepted,” Zelos replied, bumping his shoulder against his. “But you owe me.”

Lloyd blinked. “Huh? Owe you what?”

“Oh, just a little favor for that nasty jab,” he said, finally unfurling to walk his fingers up Lloyd’s chest up to his chin. “You know, something nice~.”

 _This is something vaguely sexual, isn't it? Of course it is._ “Oh, for crying out loud--” Lloyd snorted, pushing away his thigh. _Sometimes I wonder if he’s all talk, or if he’s really as good at it as he says he is._ He felt his ears burning.

“You know you love me~,” Zelos sang, grinning and craning his neck onto Lloyd’s shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, and even though his reply was simple, he found Zelos beaming at him, the freckles standing out on his cheeks and nose. _Maybe I am overthinking it,_ he thought as he smoothed back Zelos’ hair and nuzzled against his cheek. _It’s not like there’s any rush to talk to him anyway, is there? And I’ve still got two people who really care about me at my side._

_What does Zelos always call us? His datefriends? Yeah, that’s it. It’s got a nice ring to it._

After stealing a kiss against Lloyd’s cheek, Zelos suddenly looked up. “Oh, look at you, beautiful--!” he exclaimed.

“Do you like it?”

Colette came whirling out in a more flowing, pale pink gown, adorned in lace at the top and scattered with shimmery sequins at the bottom. It was strapless, but had beads attached that draped around the base of her shoulders, reflecting iridescent in the show lights. It was still snug through her waist, but fanned out around her, emphasized when she twirled in it. She giggled and tugged at its sides, showing her bare toes.

Lloyd’s mouth hung open. “Wow…” he said, rising to his feet. He meandered over to her, in her soft pink glory, as she watched with her ocean blue eyes wide. “You look...beautiful,” he muttered, brushing her hair away from her face with one hand and letting the other rest on the curve of her waist.

Colette’s face glowed a bright shade of pink. “L-Lloyd--!” she stammered, her arms instinctively falling around his shoulders. “I-I’m guessing that’s a...yes?”

“Yup.” He kissed her quickly on the mouth, but she slowed him down, her soft lips melting into his own. _Colette. Colette._ When they broke contact, she bit her lip to try and hide a coy smile. _I can’t ever resist you. And now, I don’t have to._

“I think we have a winner,” Zelos said from behind them. They both looked over to him with his hands laced behind his head, a warm look on his face. “Looks like we’re getting pink ties with our tuxes.”

“Oh, we’re going to match! That’s cute!” Colette exclaimed, bouncing on her toes.

“We matched for our summer dance, remember? I still have my tie,” Lloyd said.

“Oh, right,” she recalled. _You remember that night just as well as I do, don’t you?,_ Lloyd thought as they let themselves get lost in each other’s eyes. _The stars were so bright, and you were just as beautiful…_

Colette blinked, then looked behind her to check on the associate, who was looking at her watch. Her hands slid off his shoulders. “Um, I think this is the one,” she said.

“Oh, certainly,” the woman replied, eyeing Lloyd coldly. “Let’s get you changed back…”

She ushered Colette away, and Lloyd returned to Zelos, who was leaning back on the bench. “I still can’t get over how well you two gel,” he said. “Fuckin’ incredible.”

“Hey, we wouldn’t be together if it weren’t for you,” Lloyd replied, stopping short in front of him. “You were the one who got the ball rolling.”

“Was it because of my undeniable sex appeal~?” he teased, pushing his hair off into a glamorous side part. “Or maybe babysitting me just brought you closer.”

“No, that’s not it,” he said, tilting his head. “I think someone like you is...just what we needed.” _Something we couldn’t get from each other, or anyone else. Something we didn’t want to go without. The way you talk, your charm, and even your cockiness; it’s all part of who you are._

_And yeah, we do love you for it._

Lloyd held his gaze for longer than Zelos expected, as his eyebrow raised and his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. “What, babe?” he said softly.

A smile crept onto the corner of his mouth. “Nothing,” he replied.

“Oh my Goddess…!” Colette bounded up to them, the dress in a long bag over her arm. “Come here, I’ve got to tell you something.”

Zelos stood up, and the boys hovered around Colette. “What happened?” Lloyd asked.

“Okay, so that lady?” she started, looking over her shoulder to make sure the woman wasn’t still there. “She kept asking me about you two. She was convinced that you two were having a secret relationship without me.”

Zelos covered his mouth, snorting into his hand and rolling his eyes. “Holy shit, are you _serious?”_ he said, leading them away from the fitting rooms.

“Yeah! And oh, she sounded so _disgusted,”_  Colette continued, barely able to contain herself. “She was like, ‘your friends seem a little _too_ close, don’t you think you should have a talk with your boyfriend?’ I didn’t have the heart to tell her…”

“Probably better that you didn’t,” Zelos replied, pulling for his wallet. “People get weird ideas sometimes.”

“As if two guys holding each other’s hands is going to end the world,” Lloyd remarked. He was in the middle of the two, and reached for their hands beside him.

Zelos winked at him as he took his hand. “Angel, hand me the dress so I can pay,” he said, bowing forward.

Colette gawked at him. “This dress has to be over--oh, all right,” she sighed, and forked over the bag to him, grabbing Lloyd’s hand in the process.

“One day, you'll get used to me being your sugar daddy,” he said, slinging it over his shoulder. “Remember that this is _my_ company ball we’re going to.”

“You mean your sister’s?” Lloyd corrected.

“Whatever, same idea,” Zelos dismissed. “Half of the inheritance and a salary goes to me anyway.” He led them to a small section in the back of the store reserved for menswear, and began sifting through a rainbow of ties on a plush table. “You know, it’s a miracle that no one’s ever tried to marry me for money yet. I’ve got the same death ratio as those old guys anyway.”

“Hey, don’t talk like that,” Lloyd said, frowning. _I saved you from jumping off a bridge once, and I’ll do it a million times, but it’s not something I like to think about._ He glanced over to Colette, who had the same, reserved expression on her face. _Does he really think about..._ that _all the time?_

_(are we not good enough to stop him?)_

Zelos shrugged as he compared the color to the dress. “Whatever. Being an heir to a fortune is one of the few things I don’t brag too much about. I used to pull the card when I wanted to get laid, but when that’s all it got me, I stopped.” He paused, then shook his head. “This color’s close enough, right?”

Colette circled around away from Lloyd to the other side of Zelos, peering around at his selection, and stroked the side of his arm.. “Yeah, that’s good,” she said. “Are we going to get Lloyd sized for a tux here?”

“No, we’ll get my guy to do it,” Zelos replied, grabbing two pink ties from the stack and slinging it over his shoulder, along with the dress. “Old friend of the family, does all our suits. I think it’ll be done in time--”

“You have a personal tailor?” Lloyd asked incredulously.

“For special occasions,” he said, eyes distant. “He used to send me handwritten cards for my birthday, all the way until I left the mansion. Hell, they still might go there. I haven’t needed anything in a long time but…” He spaced off, lost in thought.

“But...?” Lloyd encouraged.

“S-sorry,” he replied, voice shaking. His eyes started to dart at the floor “Just, uh, thinking about...nothing. Never mind. We’ll get you fitted, Lloyd.” He patted him on the back with a thin smile. “I’ll call him tonight. Let me go pay…”

He darted ahead of them, fishing for his wallet in his back pocket as he headed to the front register. Colette scooted closer to Lloyd, bumping his hip. “I always feel bad when we bring up stuff like this, even if it's on accident,” she said, her brow clouded with worry.

“I kind of hit a sore spot with him earlier too,” Lloyd said. _I hope that didn't start anything too painful..._ “Oh, speaking of which...do you think I could talk to you about something when we get back?”

“Sure,” she replied. “Is it about him?” She nodded ahead to Zelos, who was busy attempting to charm the cashier as he paid in cash.

“No, it’s...it’s about Kratos.”

“Oh.” Colette hugged him around his waist, but not so tight that she couldn’t still see him. “I knew you were distracted about something…”

“Yeah, it’s just...Z doesn’t really get it. He’s had...a different childhood.” _More like traumatizing…_

“I know it,” Colette replied. “He just needs more care, that’s all.”

Zelos jogged back to them, stuffing the receipt and his wallet back away, more composed than before. “Ready to head back?” he said.

“Yup!” Colette agreed brightly. “We’re staying at your place tonight, right?”

“Are we?” Lloyd asked.

“I guess you are,” Zelos said with a smirk. “C’mon, honeys~. The bed is waiting, and Lloyd owes me a special favor~.”

 _“Martel,_ Z!” Lloyd exclaimed, as he scooted off ahead of them. He dragged a very amused Colette behind him as he chased him out of the store.

“What’s this all about?” Colette asked, clinging right behind Lloyd. “You’re all pink, sweetie!”

The endearment made him flush even more. “Nothing, nothing! He’s just being an ass.”

Zelos turned behind him and flashed a grin back. _Damn it!_ , he thought with a twitch of his eye. _An ass that has me hooked right around his finger..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to go for a filler type chapter before going to the ball! It was the best place for Lloyd to get out the rest of his Kradad blues (at least, the more intense ones). This chapter feels a little scattered, but this kind of thing can happen in real life too. Colette's first dress is based off my senior prom dress, but the one she goes with I think suits her more.
> 
> Next chapter: the company ball!


	36. The MMI Company Ball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recommended listening:  
> ["Intersecting Lines", Les Hooper Band, _Live At Typhoon_](http://jumpertosau.tumblr.com/post/133142288297/uploading-this-early-so-i-can-link-it-in-the-fic)  
>  "My Funny Valentine", Chet Baker, _Best of_

Colette’s reflection stared back at her in her bathroom mirror, already in her soft pink gown, a neutral look on her face as Sheena stood on a stool behind her, combing her hair. “Jeez, Colette, your hair is so _long,”_ she said, twisting it in her hands. “I always forget until I have to actually do something with it.”

“Yeah, I know,” she replied. Her knees ached from standing so still, and she fought the urge to bounce on them. “Sorry for calling you so last minute to do this. Zelos offered to have it professionally done, but--”

“No, it’s okay!” Sheena insisted, grabbing a fist full of bobby pins and slipping a few between her lips. “I needed to get out of the house anyway, my cousins are being assholes.” She pulled Colette’s hair in a bun, leaving a strand around each side of her face to hang. “Is the curling iron heated up?”

“I think so…”

_Click!_

Zelos poked his head into the bathroom, waving his camera with a grin. “How’s it goin’, ladies?” he asked. He was mostly dressed--black dress pants, a black dress shirt with a white vest, and the pink tie to match hers tucked into it, although it was loose. His hair was in a ponytail, with some pieces of hair styled into faux bangs to frame the top of his face.

“You’re taking pictures?” Sheena exclaimed, a bobby pin falling out of her mouth. “Oh, _great…”_

“Just a few, just to get into the swing of things,” he replied, leaning against the door frame. “I need to get as many pictures of my precious princess as I can~.”

Sheena rolled her eyes, but Colette reached out to him, almost turning her head until Sheena corrected her with a firm finger on her cheek. “Z, your tie--”

“No, no, fix it later. You’re busy getting beautiful,” he said. His eyes wandered until he spotted the curling iron sitting in the sink. “Oh, I could curl my hair--”

_“Not_ ‘til we’re done here,” Sheena said sharply, spinning locks of Colette’s golden blonde hair into a creative bun on top of her head. “I don’t know why you told us to come in first, this is going to take the most time, plus makeup--”

Lloyd’s voice echoed from the kitchen. “Zelos! Can you give me a hand?”

“Sure, babe!” He winked at the two before jogging back down the hallway.

Sheena secured more of her hair with another bobby pin, then leaned down to talk low into her ear. “So, let me get this straight--all _three_ of you are dating now?”

“Yup,” Colette said, smiling to herself. “I know, it’s kind of weird, but...it works. We’re making it work.”

“Huh.” She met her eyes in the mirror, laced with confusion. “I never thought that could happen, but...that’s good for you guys, I guess.” She grabbed some fancier pins, decorated with clear rhinestones, and placed them on the outside of her bun. “You don’t get jealous or anything?”

“Not really,” she replied. “It’s too soon to really tell but...it’s not anything like that. We’re all here for each other, and that’s important.”

Sheena smirked quietly as she picked up the curling iron, snapping the metal clamp a couple times. “Whatever works,” she sighed. “Let’s do some magic.”

In the kitchen, Lloyd was at the sink with a razor in hand, water dripping down his face. He was in his dress pants, suspenders clipped just to his pants and hanging off the waist, but only wearing a white tank-top. He offered the razor to Zelos. “Can you make sure I haven’t missed anything?” he asked.

“Sure,” he replied. “One thing, though--” He lazily pulled out his camera and snapped a quick picture.

“Ack! _Why!”_ Lloyd exclaimed, swatting at the camera.

Zelos grinned and set it back down on the counter before taking the razor. “All right, all right.” Lloyd’s face was mostly clean, but there were stray hairs right under his lip, and some missed spots on the left side of his cheek. Zelos gently scraped the razor against them, quick and careful. “Have you ever grown a full beard before?”

He snickered. “I can’t. It comes out all patchy if I let it go too long.”

“Funny, I thought it’d suit you, being a strong woodsy guy and all.”

“Yeah, I missed out on that.”

Zelos stroked his face with and against the grain of his shave to assess its smoothness. “You’re cute whichever way,” he commented, kissing his cheek. “That should be good.”

“Thanks,” Lloyd said, grabbing a kitchen towel and wiping away the excess water. His dress shirt, white instead of black, was hanging on the back of a chair, and he flung it over his shoulders, buttoning up as fast as he could go. “How are the ladies doing?”

“Angel’s hair is almost done,” he replied, leaning against the kitchen table. His fingers drummed incessantly. “Then she’s got her makeup. I want the mirror for a sec, to touch up my hair…”

“You look good already,” Lloyd commented, snapping his suspenders over his shoulders and readjusting his pants accordingly. “I don’t think you need anything else.”

Zelos smirked, and reached out to pull Lloyd by his shirt toward him. “So, you think I’m pretty enough to go to the ball~?”

“Yeah.” Lloyd grinned and took both of Zelos’ hands, entwining their fingers together. “Your palms are really clammy.”

“I didn’t notice,” he said, keeping his suave look and trying to steal a kiss.

Lloyd ducked away. “You’re nervous, aren’t you?”

Zelos’ face soured. “You think?” He sighed and swung their hands back and forth. “I still don’t _really_ want to do this.”

“You’re going to be okay,” Lloyd reassured, close enough so Zelos could smell the fresh scent of his face wash. “Just stick around us, and we’ll make sure nothing bad happens.”

He tilted his head, a stray hair falling in his face. “When you say it, you make it sound so easy,” Zelos said. “I haven’t even interacted with that part of the world in years. I can’t wait for all the bullshit that comes with…”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, okay?” He squeezed his hands.

As the boys shared a look, Sheena came striding out of the bathroom, dusting her hands. “Oh, am I...interrupting something?” she asked, eyes flickering between them.

“‘Course not,” Lloyd said, completely unfazed. Zelos kept his eyes on him, but didn’t fully acknowledge Sheena. _To think that just a week or two ago, he would’ve gotten all flustered over something like this,_ he thought. _You’re so easy and real, and it makes me just want you more…_

“Well, we’re all done in the bathroom,” she said. “Col, you all good?”

“Yup!” Colette tip toed carefully out from the hallway, her hair in a stunning updo with curled strands around her face. Her makeup was just enough to accent her eyes and cheeks, and she glowed from head to toe in her dress. She posed with her arms out. “Ta-da!”

Lloyd was the first to react, his face brightening as he made his way over to her. “You look incredible, hon,” he said, kissing her cheek. “Your hair looks nice too.”

“That's all Sheena,” she said, beaming.

“Nice work,” Zelos commented, nodding at Sheena before pushing past Lloyd and taking Colette into his arms. “Oh, I can't wait to get you on the dance floor, princess~.”

He dipped her and she gasped, slipping on her feet. “Be careful!” she exclaimed.

“Yeah, we just made her all up, you don't need to ruin it two seconds later,” Sheena remarked, crossing her arms. “Besides, don't you guys need to get going? You don't even have your suits on.”

“It's too hot to just wear them around,” Lloyd said, putting on his black vest and grabbing the suit coat laid out on the foldout bed. “I don't want to sweat before we leave--oh, Z, this one’s yours.”

“Oh, gotcha. Toss it over.” Zelos was still holding Colette in a dancing pose, but he held out his arm to catch the coat in it. “As long as you wear it for ten minutes once you get there, you'll be fine. Then we can hang them up somewhere.”

“Thank Goddess.” Lloyd slipped on his correct tux suit and rolled his shoulders. “I can't believe how good this fits. My last suit was way too tight in the arms.”

“Couldn't contain those guns~.” Zelos stroked his bicep with his tongue out. Lloyd swatted him away playfully.

“Sheena, where are my heels?” Colette said, wandering toward the front entrance.

“Got ‘em right here,” she replied, holding out a shoe box. “I'll put them on for you, just sit on the futon.”

“Are you sure you're going to be okay in those?” Lloyd asked her. The heels were pink to match the dress and only an inch tall, but thin and strappy all around. “You know you're clumsy…”

“I have to learn sometime!” Colette exclaimed with a pout. “I'm getting better anyway, and these aren't very tall.”

“All right, all right…”

“Lloyd, where's your tie?” Sheena asked as she buckled Colette's shoe.

“Oh, damn it!” Lloyd cursed, and he rushed to the kitchen table where it was lying. “I knew I was forgetting something…” He popped his collar up and whipped it around his neck.

“Zelos, yours is still crooked,” Colette said, wobbling up to her feet. Zelos took her waist in his hands as she adjusted his tie, carefully straightening it and tightening it up to his neck. Her hands were delicate and soft as they brushed his neck.

“Not so tight,” he requested. “I need a little room to breathe.”

She tucked it into his vest, patting his chest. “It looks neater that way,” she said, before rushing over to Lloyd. “Here, let me do yours too…”

“I know how to tie a tie,” Lloyd complained, hands dropping by his sides. Colette was admittedly quicker about it, tying the knot with ease and sliding it up. She smoothed down his collar and did the same tuck as she did to Zelos, but before she could scurry away, Lloyd stopped her with a hand on her arm. “Hey,” he said quietly.

He drew her close for a gentle kiss, one that she sank into immediately, wrapping his arms around his neck. In front of them. Zelos leaned his elbow on Sheena’s shoulder. “What’d I tell you?” he whispered to her. “I’m a miracle worker.”

She attempted to shrug him off, but he was firm on staying. “Don’t give yourself that much credit,” Sheena replied.

“Well, I didn’t fuck it up,” he said. “And they _did_ mention that I helped bring them together too.”

“Yeah, well, don’t push your luck,” she huffed, physically scooting away from under his elbow, her arms crossed. “To be honest, I don’t know how you could--”

“Finesse,” Zelos interrupted, kissing two fingers and blowing them at her. Sheena rolled her eyes in reply. “Hey lovebirds, are you going to just make out all night or are we doing this?”

Lloyd and Colette finally broke lip lock, both of them red in the face, but strangely collected. “Oh! Yeah!” Colette said, smoothing out her dress. “I think...we’re all ready--”

“Good, because we have to take a picture before we go,” Zelos said, grabbing his camera from the counter and squeezing between them. He fumbled to hold it out just so, trying to get everyone in the picture. As he put an arm around Colette to get her closer, she wobbled precariously. Lloyd already had an arm around Zelos’ back. “One, two... _three!”_

He clicked the button and the shutter snapped, and as soon as it did, he whipped it back around. “Yes! Everyone’s in the frame!” he exclaimed.

“But you cut off the top of my head,” Lloyd replied with a shrug.

“That’s not a big deal. I got the best parts in,” Zelos said, kissing him quickly on the side of his face.

“You know, I’m right here," Sheena suggested, nonplussed. "I could’ve taken a picture of you three,” 

“But it’s not the same,” Zelos whined, before Colette snatched the camera from his hand.

“Yeah, take a picture of us! We’ll have both,” she said, putting herself in the middle.

“Okay, fine.”

Zelos looked over at Lloyd over the top of her head, flicked his eyes down to her, made a kissing face and winked. He looked thoroughly confused for a second, then his eyes widened and he nodded. “Ohhh, okay!” he said aloud.

“Ready?” Sheena said, holding the camera out in front of her. “One, two...three.”

On “three”, both Zelos and Lloyd leaned down to kiss Colette’s cheek, resulting in her picture ready smile transforming into a widened look of surprise. “Eep!” she exclaimed, jumping up as soon as the picture had taken. “You guys--!”

Sheena was grinning. “You guys are too cute,” she said, handing the camera back over. “Have a good time tonight.”

“Do you need a ride home?” Colette asked, before backtracking. “Oh yeah, you drove here…”

"Ah..." For a moment, Sheena looked torn, holding her elbows in her hands. “Yeah, I’m good. No worries.” 

Zelos put his arms around both of his date's shoulders. “Well, shall we?”

* * *

 

The venue was in a grand ballroom attached to a hotel near the main headquarters of Meltokio Manufacturing. The lobby was pristine white tile and marble, with crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. A few people were mulling around the lobby, but most of the bustle was coming from the door across the hall, where warm lighting and the faint sound of jazz music beckoned them.

When they walked in, Zelos grasped for both of their hands. “H-hey, you’ll stick with me for the most part, right?” he asked, staring straight ahead. “At least...until I’m okay. Or something.”

“Don’t worry,” Lloyd said, walking up through to the entrance and onto the plush, red carpet. “We’re going to be fine.”

The usher stopped them before they could fully enter. “Your names, please?” he asked, the guestbook splayed on a table in front of him.

Zelos cleared his throat. “Zelos Wilder,” he said. “These two are with me.”

“Ah, you’re the brother of the guest of honor,” he replied. “She mentioned you would be coming. Well, enjoy yourselves.”

“Thank you!” Colette replied, as the boys did not, already pushing through, dragging her behind.

The hall was not densely packed, but there were enough people to make a crowd. In contrast to the lobby, the ballroom was tall and wide, decorated with warm, gold tones and red tile. Everyone was in fancy dress of many colors, some dancing in the middle, others socializing on the outskirts. There was a small buffet on the side serving finger food, as well as a modestly stocked bar. A stage was set up toward the back, and a jazz big band was playing easy swing to dance to. Colette clung to Zelos’ arm, bouncing on her toes. “This is so wonderful!” she exclaimed. “Ooh, I’m excited.”

“Can I have some of that excitement?” Zelos asked, tugging at his tight collar. “It’s only a matter of time before I run into _her…”_

“Why don’t we see what they have for snacks?” Lloyd suggested, leading the way around the outside. “Maybe that’ll calm your nerves a little.”

“Food usually doesn’t help,” Zelos said. “I haven’t really eaten much all day--”

Lloyd and Colette whirled on him. “Zelos!” they scolded, nearly in perfect unison. “You have to eat something!” Colette continued, now leading the way. She grabbed the closest food related thing she could find--in this case, a mini eclair--and shoved it in his face. “Eat it.”

“Wh--oh, c’mon…” Zelos groaned, turning his face away.

“Eat it!” she persisted, poking the pastry at his face while standing on her toes. “You have to eat! Please!”

He side eyed her, but as Lloyd was also glaring at him, he took a single bite of the eclair, chewing with disdain. “There,” he said with his mouth full. “Are you happy now?”

“You have to eat the whole thing,” Colette said, standing firm. She smudged cream filling on his cheek. “Right, Lloyd?”

“Right.” In the meantime, Lloyd already had gathered a small plate with cookies and a couple finger sandwiches. “They have little lobster rolls over there, too!”

Zelos ate the rest of the eclair, wiping his face off with one finger. “This is a typical MMI gig,” he said with a sigh. “Although the jazz band is a nice touch. Usually there's some boring classical bullshit going on…”

Colette made her way to a punch bowl and poured herself a small glass. “You've been to one of these before?” she asked, taking a sip of it and shuddering. “Oh, this is not _just_ punch…”

“I grew up with this song and dance,” he replied, adjusting his tie. “After Mom died, I only went to a few of them. It doesn't really change. Just a bunch of high class assholes looking to make connections.” His lip curled in disgust.

“Hey, you don't have to do any of that,” Lloyd said, offering him a meatball on a toothpick. Reluctantly, he ate it. “No one’s forcing you to.”

“Yeah, but if anyone--”

“Excuse me.”

A woman with bleach blonde hair and a heavily powdered face approached them, wearing a gold gown. Her shoulders were bony, and age spots dotted her pronounced collar bone. “If I'm not mistaken, you must be a Wilder. There's absolutely no doubt.” She smiled coyly, revealing aged teeth.

Zelos stiffened beside his partners. “That's right,” he said, voice smooth despite his rigid posture. “And you are…?”

“Mary Rhodes, COO of Gnome LLC.” She held her hand out to be shaken, and Zelos took it with a weak smirk. “We're a marketing firm specializing in--”

“Ms. Rhodes, I am really not someone to talk business with,” he interrupted, one hand behind his back. Lloyd watched as it flexed and clenched, his nails digging into his palm. “Maybe if you could--”

“But as someone with your status, you could really use--”

_“Speak to my sister,_ if you're so intent.” Zelos’ tone had grown sharp like like a knife.

“I'm surprised,” the woman said, an eyebrow raised. “I thought for sure Daniel would have handed the business over to you, being the eldest and only man--”

“Martel almighty, would you take a hint?” Zelos barked, scowling at her. _“Fuck off,_ lady, I'm not interested.”

Zelos turned around, and the woman scoffed, covering her mouth. “How rude!” she exclaimed. “What a pathetic excuse for a man…”

She rushed off, heels angrily clacking behind her as Zelos’ head fell toward the floor. “That,” he said, “is _exactly_ the kind of thing I wanted to avoid.”

Lloyd was at his side, rubbing his back, while Colette stood close in front of him, shielding him from any others. “That lady was pushy,” she said. “What did she want to sell you?”

“I don't _know_ and I don't _care,”_ he snapped.

“Easy,” Lloyd muttered, rubbing his back. “I don't think you should've sworn at her, but somehow, I don't blame you.”

“That's the only way sometimes,” Zelos sighed. “I even spoke her flowery fucking language and it didn't get through.” He looked over longingly at the mini bar. “I want a drink. Don't let me have a drink.”

“Okay.” Colette answered, sipping her own.

“I'm driving us home tonight.” He was starting to talk under his breath. “And I don't need it. I'll want too much, then I'll get fucked up and hate myself later.”

“You don't have to explain yourself,” she said. “It's okay.”

“Is it?” Zelos’ face had grown blank and distant, looking beyond her. “I shouldn't even be here. I don't--”

“Z.” Lloyd tugged on his arm hard enough to spin him around, hard enough to force him to focus on him. “You're okay.”

Doubt clouded his face as he looked down at his boyfriend, shining eyes under his spiked hair, shining with gel from the crystal chandeliers above them. _I want to believe you,_ Zelos thought. _Your eyes make me think I can. I could kiss you--_

_(There are too many people, watching, watching)_

_Ah._

The band stopped playing in the background for a moment as a voice boomed over the speakers. “Anyone who wants to participate in this next dance needs to line up in pairs at the center,” it said.

“Come on, let's do this dance,” Colette said, setting her cup aside. “I think it'll help you relax.”

“But they're doing pairs,” Zelos said, watching as the room filtered out into two rows. “I--I don't--”

“You can dance with Colette, and I'll...er, I guess dance with whomever I get paired with,” Lloyd said, taking Zelos by the arm. “Let's go though, before it starts.”

* * *

 

They pulled him out, where the rows were already lined up, and situated themselves on the end. Zelos and Colette stood on opposite sides of each other, while Lloyd stood beside Zelos, and scanned the opposite row for his partner. _I really wanted to dance with Colette first,_ He thought, but Zelos needs the company more. _And I don't think he's ready to dance with me here yet. Oh well. I can meet new rich people I suppose._ The woman in front of him had white gray hair, in a deep purple dress with sheer sleeves and a jeweled necklace. She was smiling strangely at him. _Hold on a second,_ he thought, squinting at her. “P...Professor?” he asked.

“Fancy seeing you here, Lloyd,” Raine said, winking.

Zelos snickered. “Lucky you,” he said, elbowing him.

“At least it’s someone I know,” Lloyd whispered, just as the high hat on the drum kit began playing a straight ahead swing. _At least I can try and make you relax._ “I’ll find you two later.”

Raine curtseyed in front of him, and he bowed back, before she strode forward, clasping one of his hands and another on his shoulder. _It’s been years since I’ve danced like this,_ Lloyd thought with a grimace. _And I really was hoping I could do it with one of them first…_

“You’re looking snazzy tonight,” Raine said, leading them into the crowd.

“Gee, thanks,” Lloyd scoffed, continually losing step as she led him. “This is kind of weird, I’ve got to admit…”

“What? We’ve danced together before, don’t you remember?”

“Yeah, when I was like, ten years old!” he exclaimed. “Some stupid Valentine’s dance or something…”

“It was the Mother-Son dance,” she recalled fondly. “In the town hall. I don’t even know how you ended up there to begin with, but you looked so lonely by yourself.”

“All I really remember about that was Genis punching me because I was dancing with you,” he grumbled.

“You know how kids are sometimes,” she said. “No one steals Big Sister away.”

They weren’t dancing nearly as close as they could be, but it still made him antsy. A lilting piano solo was coming from the stage. “What are you even doing here?” Lloyd asked. “We came here with Zelos, because his sister’s the CEO, but--”

“The heads of the departments all got an invitation at the school,” she explained. “TU gets a lot of grants from MMI, and the technology department does a lot of research from them. The history head was feeling a little under the weather, so he gave me his.”

_The history head._ The piano melody of the band soon was accompanied by a suite of saxophones and trumpets. “You mean Kratos,” Lloyd said, eyes flickering.

She nodded, and brought him a little closer. “I heard about...what happened,” she muttered, close to his ear.

“Did you...know anything before?” he asked.

She tilted her head to shake it, then stopped herself. “Not necessarily. I had a hunch, especially after you told me you saw him on Mother’s Day.” She sighed, fingers twitching in Lloyd’s hand. “Kratos has always been a very reserved man, the entire time I’ve known him. He rarely goes out with faculty, except for Ka-Fai, but they’ve been friends for at least twenty years.”

Lloyd’s eyebrows creased down. “Yeah, so?” _Do we have to get into this again…_

“I have never seen him express any kind of extreme emotion, except when he cried over you.” 

He glanced up. Her face was drawn, lips a thin line on her face. _A-ah…_ “I…” he began. “I still...wish I never knew.”

Raine nodded. “I can understand. But it’s too late for that.”

_She’s right. Even if it’s blunt, it’s true_. The band began to play in weaving melodies, complimenting and contrasting each other until they reached a unison crescendo. “I...know,” he said finally.

“What will you do?” she asked, spinning them a bit. The sudden motion caught him off balance, and he stumbled. “I know he would like to have some kind of relationship.”

Lloyd steadied himself on his feet. “I’ll talk to him again,” he said. “When I’m ready.”

* * *

 

Zelos and Colette had meandered their way to a different section of the dance floor, dancing easily to the intertwining lines of the band. “You’re doing good, sweetheart,” Zelos purred in her ear, holding her close.

“Th-that’s just because you’re leading,” she replied. Her feet were already starting to ache from the straps tight against them, and her steadiness was a facade for her skittering feet beneath her dress. “Are you...feeling better?”

He smiled down at her, fingers rolling at her waist. “I guess,” he replied. “Even if it’s just because I get to look at your pretty face~.”

She flushed bright and rested her head as best as he could on his shoulder. _Are you really feeling better?_ Her eyes wandered around at all the people dancing, and noticed that couples shifted at random, often without warning. _I wonder if we’ll have to,_ she thought, and clung to him tighter.

“So, now that you’re done school for the semester, what’s your summer look like?” Zelos asked her. They were close enough so that he couldn’t quite look at her when he spoke, only sneaking glances down at brief moments.

“Oh…! I’ll be at the animal shelter more often,” Colette replied. “And I’ll chip away at that research paper, too. Next semester I’ll be doing actual clinical work, so hopefully I can get some prereq’s done…”

Zelos chuckled. “Must be nice to have everything all figured out.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know. You’re going off to be a vet, you know what you’re in for.” He shrugged. “Me, I’m just going with the flow mostly. I’ve got this radio gig, but nothing’s probably going to come of it.”

“But you do so well…!”

“Sure.” A glazed look had crossed his face, distant. “But...I don’t really know where I’m going. It’s all...hazy. Most of the time, I don’t really care, but…”

He trailed off, and Colette bit her lip. _I thought you weren’t that concerned with it either,_ she thought. _Is it because of us, I wonder?_ “Does…” she started, in an effort to bring him back to her, “Does anyone really know?”

He blinked down at her, pausing in his steps. “Angel,” he muttered, a warm look crossing his face, and he let go of her hand and cupped her cheek in his palm. Even the sound of the band, hitting a crescendo, seemed to fade in her ears. _Zelos…_

He was leaning over, likely to kiss her, when a couple waltzed over in their direction. “Zelos,” a man’s voice said, deep and husky, and somewhat familiar.

Zelos whipped his head over to the couple, then lit up a little. “Oh, Regal! Colette, this is Regal Bryant, head of the Lorenzo Company, and you already know his fiancee, Alicia.”

“W-we’ve met before, actually,” Colette said. Regal’s long, gray blue hair was slicked back in the front, but flowing in the back, in a deep green suit accompanied by a cravat. Alicia was in a matching gown with a deep “V” in the back, and her face was glowing as she was settled in her fiance’s arms.

“Would you care to dance? This is a shuffle, after all,” Regal said, parting from Alicia and holding a broad hand out to her.

“U-um! S-so long as...as…” She turned to Zelos, who still had an easy look on his face. _He wanted us to stick around him, right? Is this a good idea?_

“Don’t worry, kitten. Alicia and I are already acquainted. I shouldn’t get into any trouble,” he assured, already bowing to Alicia. He kissed her hand, and she chuckled at him. Before he took her waist to dance, he nodded to Regal. “Take good care of my girl, all right?” Zelos winked at her.

“Of course.” He took Colette by the waist and held her hand loosely. It was dwarfed by his in comparison, and just his stature made her want to shrink into bottom of her dress. Nonetheless, he did not draw her too close to him, and with a few strides, whisked her away more toward the center of the dance floor.

She watched anxiously as Zelos danced with Alicia, their figures blocked by other couples mulling through. _I hope he’ll be okay. What if he gets solicited again? And we still haven’t seen his sister anywhere. She had the same hair he does, that’s all I can remember…_

“He’s quite a character, isn’t he?” Regal commented.

Colette jumped. “Oh! O-oh, I guess he is,” she stammered, trying to keep her feet in order. Like Zelos, Regal seemed to be compensating for her lack of grace, keeping her in time with the bass of the band.

“From what I can tell, you’ve done him a lot of good,” he said, his smile fading. “He never used to have that sort of energy before.”

“Really?” she asked. The music had faded back a bit to allow room for a saxophone solo to take center stage, melodic and smooth. “Do you...er, know him well?”

“I saw him here and there, growing up. Mostly at events like these,” he said. “He was a rather melancholy child compared to his sister. A bit of a troublemaker in his teens, too.”

“I’m not surprised.” _Especially with all that he’s told us so far._ “He’s still a bit of a troublemaker now.”

Regal chuckled. “In a different way. He had quite the reputation.” He sighed, blue eyes contemplative, then looked down to her with a soft gaze. “Having someone like you in his life is probably a great relief.”

“A-ah…” _It’s not just me, it’s Lloyd too. If it weren’t for him, I may have never even met him in the first place._ Her face felt hot, and her tongue twisted to find the right words to say. “Th-thank you, I...he’s...ah…”

“Colette!”

Her ears honed in on Lloyd’s voice calling to her, and her head snapped up. Lloyd was making his way toward her, with Raine in tow. “Ah, that’s your other friend, isn’t it?” Regal said. “And his date, I assume?”

_Friend._ “Oh, no, she’s actually his teacher. Well, our professor at TU,” she replied. _And he’s my date too. Oh, but he’s already seen me with Zelos and--ah, it’s too hard to explain to someone who doesn’t already know._

“I was wondering when we’d run into you again,” Raine said. “Did Zelos run off with another woman already?”

“N-no, we shuffled on purpose…” Colette said, as Regal smirked in amusement.

“Can we switch?” Lloyd asked. She could see beads of sweat at the top of his forehead, while Raine still looked cool and collected. “I haven’t even gotten to dance with you yet.”

“S-sure,” she said, relief sweeping through her. She still bowed slightly to Regal as she let go. “I-it was nice dancing with you, Mr. Bryant.”

“Please, call me Regal. We’re not on business,” he said, before nodding to Lloyd and approaching Raine. “Enjoy your night.”

He took a startled Raine by the hand and beamed down at her. “Regal Bryant, pleasure to make your acquaintance,” he greeted.

If it were possible, Raine seemed even smaller in his presence, a small flush rising to her cheeks. “R-Raine Sage, charmed,” she replied, glancing at Colette and Lloyd before being taken away by her new partner.

“Whew,” Lloyd sighed, automatically hugging her gently. “I am really hot right now.”

“Take off your suit coat,” Colette suggested, running her hands down it.

“Yeah, but where am I going to put it?” He glanced around before spotting the entrance where they first came in. “Maybe I can just leave it with the usher. I think Z’s tailor put my name on the inside anyway.”

He shrugged off the suit coat, revealing his vest and suspenders, draped it over his shoulder and grabbed Colette’s hand, already in a hurry over to the podium. “You got to dance with _the_ Regal Bryant, huh?”

“Yeah! He’s nice,” she said. “How was Raine?”

“Fine,” he replied curtly. “I forget how nosy she is.” He waved to the usher. “Excuse me, can I leave this with you? I’m with Zelos Wilder.”

“I’ll put it with the others, sir,” he replied.

“Thanks.” He dropped it on the podium, then paused to roll up his sleeves before returning to Colette, slipping an arm around her waist. “Yeah, she asked me about the whole Kratos thing, and about the three of us.”

Her heart jumped. “Wait, does she know--”

“She guessed about Kratos, but she kept prying about Z and all of us, and I--” He cut himself off, looking all around. “Wait a sec, where is he?”

“He was off dancing with Alicia, last I knew,” Colette said, hand over her face as they reentered the main dance floor. Her eyes darted all across, searching for the mane of red hair among the sea of dresses. “He seemed like he was okay, but--”

“Let’s go look for him,” Lloyd said. “But, we can dance our way over.”

He spun her in his grasp so she was facing him, and she took her hand. His arm around her felt natural and comfortable, and his steps were more in time with hers than any of her other partners. She gave a firm nod as she pressed herself against his chest. “Okay. Let’s go.”

* * *

 

The saxophone solo finally faded, with help from the backgrounds of the band, and another soloist rose to the stage. This time, a trombone, mellow but powerful, echoing throughout the ballroom. Zelos had taken Alicia near to the front of the stage. _She’s easier to dance with, he thought, but she doesn’t have the same touch. Of course, who could compare to her…?_

“So when's the wedding?” Zelos asked, spinning her around. “You two have been engaged for a while, haven't you?”

“Yes, well, we want to make sure everything's in order,” Alicia replied. “Regal is so busy with the company. We're hoping for something in late September, if nothing comes up.”

“A fall wedding, how romantic~,” he replied.

“I thought we sent you an invitation already?” she asked, head tilted.

“Oh, uh…” _If she sent it before I met Lloyd and Colette...who knows where it is. I used to not check the mail for weeks and just throw everything out without even looking. I wouldn’t leave my apartment for days at a time…_ “I-I must’ve misplaced it.” Sure. Whatever.

“Zelos?”

A familiar voice. Too familiar. He stiffened, but slowly turned his head toward its owner. In a cream colored ball gown, corseted at the top and billowing at the bottom, adorned with pearls, stood Seles Wilder, alone, hands clasped at her breast. Her short, fiery hair was styled and swept up, adorned with an ornate pearl studded pin. Her blue eyes, crystalline like his own, were focused and calculating. _Seles…_

“Oh, hello there!” Alicia greeted, separating from Zelos as he had stopped dancing. “Congratulations on your new position, Ms. Wilder.”

“Ah, thank you,” she replied, softening just barely. “Um, Z-Zelos…” She sighed and stared at the floor. “Would you care to dance? And talk?”

Zelos looked quickly around the immediate vicinity. _Where did they go? Ah, they’d just tell me to do it anyway. Just go talk to her, they’d say. They don’t know_

_(“I hate you! I hate you!” She stomped her foot and wailed in his face, blank and still. “Why don’t you fucking_ do something _for a change?!”_

_He said nothing. His tongue felt enormous in his mouth, throat burning, but still, he remained silent.  
_

_“You don’t even talk to me! How am I supposed to fucking know how you feel? I’m so tired of it!”_

_Still, nothing. His head echoed her screams, as well as the ones in his own head. Too noisy to make any thoughts of coherence come out of himself.  
_

_“For Martel’s sake,_ say something! _Anything! Zelos!”)_

_about what’s been between us. But..._

Zelos swallowed hard. “Sure.”

He glanced over to Alicia, who looked confused at the tension hanging between them. “I’ll go look for Regal, then,” she said, nodding before walking off through the crowd.

Seles took Zelos’ hand, leading him into position with a firm purpose. _That’s how she’s always been. She’s always had a purpose. As for me, well...my track record isn’t quite that impressive._

“I’m...glad you came,” she started. “I...honestly still wasn’t sure.”

“Am I that unreliable?” Zelos said. Even after only a minute of dancing, his hands felt clammy, his suit too hot.

She rolled her eyes. “You can be.” Upon a closer look, Zelos could see every hair on her head meticulously in place, smoothed with hairspray or otherwise. “Where are your two dates that you insisted on bringing?”

“I don’t know right now,” he said, eyes scanning everywhere but his sister’s face. “They--they shouldn’t be far.”

She replied with a flicker of her eyelashes, and Zelos snuck a look down to her pursed lips, her narrowed brow. _I know what you’re thinking, that they left without me._

_(everyone leaves you)_

_But, they’re still here. They wouldn’t do that. They’re good. Too good for a horrible shit like me._

“So, what have you been doing?” Seles tried again, a vain attempt to keep conversation. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you.”

“Not a ton, really,” he replied. “Been at home, trying not to kill myself. Got myself a radio--”

She pinched his shoulder, awash with alarm. “Don’t say things like that. _Don’t.”_ She bit her lip and clenched his hand.

“What, you don’t like hearing it?” Zelos replied, smirk dripping with contempt. He found his mouth running without him. “I know what Mom said to me. I know what you’ve said to me, what everyone’s been saying since day one, so maybe I want to fucking _do_ something about it.” His heart rose into his throat. _It comes so automatically. I don’t even think that hard about that shit anymore. But somehow_

_(Lloyd)_

_it doesn’t quite seem_

_(Colette)_

_so easy to stomach anymore._

“Cut it out!” Seles snapped, stomping her foot. “You can be so selfish, you know that? You _do_ have people who’d care about you if you were gone! Including me!”

Zelos’ head felt heavy on his shoulders. “You’re right,” he replied quietly.

Confusion crossed her brow, but it was replaced with anger. “What, are you saying that just--”

“I came close again,” he continued. “Then, some kid pulled me down from the bridge, offered to be my friend, keep me company, stay awhile.” _I can still remember the look on his face, the brightness and concern in his eyes. The way he reassured me, his optimism._

He closed his eyes. “I didn’t believe him at first. So I tried again, in a roundabout way. Then, his roommate, she came and saved me too.” _Angel, precious angel. She was scared of me, wasn’t she? I was so drunk I can’t even remember what really happened, but I remember her._ “So...yeah. I know there are people out there for me. I’m just...still trying to believe it.”

The trombone solo grew to a climax, featuring the entire band rallying into a sporadic rise, immediately followed by a drum solo. Seles’ eyes had softened, and her hold on him drew him closer. “You still worry the hell out of me,” she said, her voice shaking. “Don’t you know that?”

_(“Zelos?”_

_“Mm?”_

_“What’s that?”_

_“It’s a d-drink from....from Dad’s cabinet.” The alcohol stung behind his eyes, and even a single gulp made him see double. The boiling in his stomach turned into a warm, fuzzy feeling in his head, making his sister’s face unclear in his eyes. His bookbag, overflowing with papers, red marks on tests, his camera, some pencils, was in a heap beside him, disregarded._

_“You probably...shouldn’t have that,” she said tentatively, twisting her backpack straps in her hand. “You could get in trouble--”_

_“Who cares,” he replied. It was becoming hard to speak without slurring, and he took another gulp. “S’not...like he’s gonna notice anyway.”  He balled his hands into fists. “Go away, Seles.”_

_“I just...I...I…”_

_“I said,_ go away.” _He didn’t look at her, only at the crystal bottle in front of him. “Go do your ssstupid student council shit, or whatever.”_

_She gave a frustrated sigh before slamming the door behind her…)_

The memory shimmered in his mind, then faded. “Yeah,” he said, curling the hand on her waist around to her back, rubbing it soothingly. “I guess I do.”

She nodded, then after a moment of consideration, stopped their tense, tentative dancing and embraced him tightly, squeezing his ribs. _Am I really redeemable?_ he thought, returning her hug carefully. _Has it been long enough? Am I really worth...all the trouble?_

_All the bullshit I put you through. All the growing pains._

“Am I forgiven?” he muttered to the top of her head.

She nodded against him, catching him by surprise. Her head shot up to look toward him, a cocktail of emotion flooding her blue eyes, eyes that were the same color and shape as his. Eyes that reflected his own face clear as day. “Only if you forgive me, too,” she said.

“What do you have to…”

“You _know,”_ Seles said firmly, then retreated with a more gentle tone. “You know already. I’ve missed you...bro.”

He couldn’t help but snicker. _I can count the number of times she’s called me that on one hand. Still, though._ “You aren’t missing much,” he said. “I guess I’ll take it.”

For the first time since he had seen her that night, Seles Wilder smiled. It was full of teeth, painstakingly white, and the flush that rose in her face emphasized the freckles scattered on her nose, the same brand of freckles that dotted his own face. _It’s been a long time, sis,_ he thought, her smile infecting his own face.

“There you are! Z! Over here!” Colette and Lloyd were dancing over to them, clumsily stepping over one another's feet, trying to get closer. Colette’s hair had slumped a little bit since the beginning of the night, but her relieved, bright eyed look was more than enough to make up for it. Lloyd’s dress shirt sleeves were rolled up, and despite its casual nature, he still looked wildly handsome, his clean shaven jaw emphasizing it. “Oh gosh, I thought we lost you!” Colette babbled.

“It was these two, wasn’t it?” Seles muttered to Zelos. “I met these people at your apartment. They were the ones, weren’t they?”

“Yeah.” The melody had returned to the jazz band, and for a moment, he thought he could see the notes weave around his datefriends, enrapturing them in a warm glow. “Let me introduce you properly.”

He let go of her at last, and the other two stopped dancing, but kept their hands held. “Seles, this is Lloyd Irving and Colette Brunel. They’re my--” Hesitation broke his stride and froze his tongue. _She lived with me through the hell that was high school and my serial dating habits,_ he mused. _She’s seen it all, really._ “My boyfriend and girlfriend, respectively. Guys, this is my sister and CEO of MMI, the one and only Seles Wilder.”

Seles was in the middle of shaking Lloyd’s hand when she jerked back up to him. “Wait, what?” she said, then dropped her hands to her sides, exasperated. “Oh Goddess, really? You’re doing this _again?”_

_Oh, yeah. She did know about that, didn’t she._ “At least this time everyone’s on board,” Zelos replied, circling around and squeezing both of them together. “These two are wild about each other, believe me.”

“Uh-huh,” she replied, resigned. “I hope he’s not a bother.”

“Nothing we can’t handle,” Lloyd said, throwing Zelos a sunny look. Colette nodded enthusiastically as well. _I’m going to end up blind if this keeps up,_ Zelos thought, scratching the back of his neck.

The jazz number ended, and the five were caught up in a round of applause for the band. Soon after it died down, another number started, a warm ballad featuring the saxes in lush padding. A heavy set woman had come to the front of the stage, microphone in hand, but waited as the band set the tone before her. “So, Miss CEO, enough about me,” Zelos said, confidence slowly building in his chest among the presence of Lloyd and Colette. “Why don’t you tell me and my datefriends what you’ve been up to?”

“Ah, well…” she said, shuffling her heels against the floor. “Nothing terribly interesting, mostly a lot of work, that’s all. Turns out you have to sit through a lot of board meetings when you have this position.” She looked straight at Zelos. “I’ve...kept our financial affairs in check. My advisors didn’t want me to keep funneling you a salary but...I thought it would be for the better.”

“Th-thanks.” His tone was initially soft, but soon reverted to a more classic, sly tone. “I-I mean, how else would I be able to treat these two? Have you seen how gorgeous this princess looks tonight?”

Colette covered her face, and in turn, Lloyd hugged her from behind and kissed her cheek. “He’s right, you know,” he said.

“Stop it--!” she squealed, red beneath her fingers.

Seles crossed her arms and shook her head. “You’re the same as you’ve ever been in that respect,” she said. “An impossible flirt.”

He stretched his arms up with a wink. “Guilty as charged~.”

“Oh, what was it you were saying before?” Seles asked. “Something about radio…”

“Oh! He’s a DJ at Tethe’alla U!” Colette jumped in, attempting to recover from her embarrassment. “He’s on Monday through Wednesday at around midnight…”

“Sounds like something you’d do,” Seles said, smirking. “I assume you try to flirt with your listeners?”

“No, actually,” Zelos said. “It’s surprisingly hard to charm people you can’t see. But sometimes, I’ll just think of handsome Lloyd over here and go off on a limb. Especially if he stays up to listen~.”

Lloyd shook his head with a coy look. “Look who’s calling who handsome,” he replied, raising his eyebrows.

“Oh ho!” Zelos exclaimed, rushing right up to him. “You’re feisty tonight, babe~.”

“Maybe I am,” Lloyd said, then nodded toward the dance floor. “Do you want to dance? I’ve kinda...been waiting all night.”

Adrenaline oozed through his veins. _Well, this should be interesting. Fuck, I’ve been out for longer, and yet_ I’m _the one who gets antsy about this._ “Sure, why not?” Zelos replied. He turned on his heel and bowed deeply to Colette on one side, then Seles on the other. “If you’ll excuse us, ladies.”

The jazz singer’s deep, open voice resonated over them:

_“You're my funny valentine,_   
_Sweet comic valentine,_   
_You make me smile with my heart._   
_Your looks are laughable, un-photographable,_   
_Yet, you're my favorite work of art...”_

Lloyd took a deep breath as Zelos approached him, his arms unsure of where to hold him. “This is going to be different than how we were at the club, isn’t it,” he said.

“Depends on if you want to lead or not,” Zelos replied. “Here, just hold me like you would Colette, and you can take charge.”

An arm around his waist, Lloyd’s hand in his, and they started off toward the center of the dance floor. “Doubt it would make much difference,” Lloyd mumbled. “I had Raine dragging me halfway across this place…”

Zelos struggled to stay in time with Lloyd’s feet, even at the slow tempo. _I can see why._ “Relax a little bit,” he said. “I don’t want to step all over your feet.”

_“You_ relax,” Lloyd countered. “You’re gripping my shoulder too tight…”

He huffed and rubbed his shoulder in attempt to soothe himself, and caught his thumb on Lloyd’s suspenders. “Really, why suspenders?” he asked, snapping them a little.

“I-I like them,” he answered, a little defensive. He pouted and shrugged his shoulder. _Hell, even that’s adorable._ “I feel like belts don’t do anything for me.”

“Do you wear them when you’re out in Iselia, moving lumber and whatever?”

“Y-yeah, what’s it to you?”

“Nothing,” Zelos replied, smirking. “Just trying to get the full picture of you, hard at work, splitting logs with your bare hands.”

“No way in hell could I do that…” Nonetheless, Lloyd pulled him a little closer, enough so his head could lean on his shoulder if he wanted to. Zelos, however, had preoccupied himself on the other members of the ballroom, eyeing every other couple he could see. _Damn it, I can’t help but be self-conscious. This is the straightest you can get, and every stray look feels like it’s looking right at you…_

The more they moved through the dance floor, the more Zelos noticed the casual glances becoming more deliberate. _I don’t care. I shouldn’t care. This man in my arms has done more for me than I could ever dream of--_

Two middle aged women brushed behind them, bumping into Zelos, and he stumbled in an attempt to keep step. One with graying hair looked at him straight in the eye. “How terrible,” she murmured, just loud enough to be heard over the rhythm section. “The Wilder boy is one of the gays. What a waste…”

“How disgusting…”

Zelos cringed, flinching away from Lloyd, but he held him firm, keeping him at his breast. “A-ah…” he uttered, biting his tongue. _Stupid aristocratic old women, I shouldn’t care! I shouldn’t! But I do! And it’s killing me...I want this floor to eat me, just leave me the hell alone…_

“Hey. Look at me.” Lloyd’s voice broke his escalating thoughts, snapping the noise in his head to silence and readjusting to the environment around him. His gaze was steady and cool, and as soon as he knew he had his attention, he offered him a small smile. “Fuck them. Just...forget about that. You’re okay.”

“I-I’m trying,” Zelos said, trying to get himself lost in his eyes, deep and warm. It was a vain effort, as his mind insisted on the dozens of eyes watching them dance through the hall.  “Hell, I just...I’m fuckin’ pathetic, I hate it getting under my skin--”

“Then don’t let it.” Lloyd’s voice was confident and sure, and he stopped them for a second, letting go of his hand and bringing his face closer to his own. “If they’re going to gossip, then why not give them something to gossip about?”

“Lloyd--”

It was too late to back out or pull away, as Lloyd had already drawn him into his lips, melting into a gentle kiss. Zelos could feel the similar eagerness in his touch as was there on their first kiss, hungry for a little more, just a little more. His eyes fluttered close, and their dancing turned into more of an embrace. Time suspended itself in their small act of intimacy, and Zelos welcomed the mild heat in his cheeks and the back of his neck with giddy relief.

_“Is your figure less than Greek?_   
_Is your mouth a little weak?_   
_When you open it to speak, are you smart?_   
_But, don't change a hair for me._   
_Not if you care for me._   
_Stay little valentine, stay!_   
_Each day is Valentine's Day. ”_

Lloyd let him go, stroking his back. “How do people even know you and pick you out? There are so many people here,” he murmured, a soothing lilt.

“The hair, I guess? It’s not that...common,” Zelos replied, pulling his ponytail around his shoulder and toying with the ends. “I-I’ve had this look for quite a while now…”

He chuckled and kissed him again, quick and tender, and Zelos’ heart fluttered in his chest. _I’ve melted,_ he thought fleetingly, unable to keep a straight face. He pulled him into a dancing pose again, this time with him leading, and the more he looked at his partner, the bigger he seemed to smile. _If I could hold you forever like this, I would. I would…_

The scurrying of high heels broke his thoughts and he spotted Colette rushing up to them, beaming. “Hi!” she squeaked. _She’s been keeping an eye on us, hasn’t she?_

“Hey, little kitten,” Zelos said. “Have you come to join us?”

“Um, can I? Does that work?” She looked around, then between them, her fingers tapping together.

“We can try.” Zelos let go of Lloyd’s hand and invited her between them. She giggled as her arms wrapped around their waists; Lloyd opted for hers as well, while Zelos held her shoulder.

“This is like a middle school dance,” Lloyd commented. “You know, when you just danced with five of your friends instead of a date.”

“But this is way better,” Colette said, squeezing them. She was barely able to contain herself, grinning wide, her eyes sparkling up at her boyfriends. “Ah, I’m so happy--!”

“Good,” Zelos replied, kissing the top of her head. His own face was starting to ache from his own dazed smile, arms around both of of his loved ones.

Lloyd couldn’t decide whether to keep his eyes on him or a breathless Colette, flushed and energetic. She couldn’t keep herself from giggling, and it was infectious. Soon, Lloyd joined in, and Zelos felt helpless to stop himself. _This is it. This is what it’s really like to be in love._

_This is the reason why I’m still alive. Why I feel more alive than I ever have…_

Zelos caught Seles waltzing by with a man he did not recognize, and she was smiling at him kindly as he danced with his own dates. He nodded to her as she floated by. _I guess it shows. Maybe we can have a decent relationship again, her and I. We’ll see._

Colette tripped over her own feet, even at their laborious pace. “Oops!” she exclaimed, and in her effort to steady herself, her arms flung out in front of her, wobbling to stay afoot.

“Take it easy, honey--!” Lloyd said, reaching out automatically to catch her.

Her giddiness was not deterred. “I’m okay! Here, here.” She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and gave him a kiss, one foot off the ground. As soon as she was done, she whirled around to Zelos. “And you too!” She had to stand on her toes, but eagerly kissed him with gusto.

“Are you sure you didn’t have too much of that punch, my love?” he said, lifting her a little in his arms.

“No, no! I’m just...ah, I’m having such a good time!” Colette replied. “Aren’t you?”

Zelos nodded, then chuckled. _With you two here, rays of sunshine, there’s no way that I couldn’t be._ “Yeah, of course I am.” He kissed her forehead, and then beckoned Lloyd over to kiss his. “A-absolutely.”

They beamed at him and swarmed around to hug him, as the jazz number reached its close. _Absolutely._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is certainly a long one! I hope it was worth the wait. 
> 
> At this point, with the three of them together, Sheena probably feels a little left out. We'll hear more from her in the coming chapters. First plotting this out, I didn't expect Zelos to get so real with Seles so soon. She's one of the few people where he wants to hear validation from, to say "I care about you and I want you to stay alive". Even though they've been out of each other's lives for a while, that feeling is still deep seeded in him; they went through a lot together growing up. It's only a matter of time before Zelos starts using that with Lloyd and Colette...
> 
> I'm so glad I got to fit just about everything in that I wanted to in this chapter! Except a Kratos cameo, but I don't think that would've fit nor have been necessary. Who knows where he is right now. I loved writing Colette dancing with Regal, can you imagine how flustering that must've been...! And the Lloyd/Zelos dance, a very cute thing. Sweets all around...!
> 
> Next chapter, things get hot and heavy...! Stay tuned!


	37. Firsts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains explicit sexual content. Reader discretion is advised.

Sometime around midnight, the trio arrived back at Zelos’ apartment, arm in arm as they burst through the door. “Oh Goddess, I can’t wait to get these shoes off,” Colette said, first to break free and rush for the couch, her dress hiked up to her knees when she sat down.

“Hell, even my feet hurt,” Lloyd said, tossing his suit beside her and immediately loosening his tie. “I can’t even imagine how yours are feeling…”

Zelos rolled his shoulders and closed the door behind him. “Well, now you can relax,” he sighed, a lazy smile pasted on his face as he waltzed through the living room, pulling his hair out of its ponytail and letting it fall at his back. “I hope you don’t have anywhere to go in the morning.”

“I already took tomorrow off,” Colette said, her shoes in a heap in front of her. Red creases lined her ankles and the tops of her foot by her toes. She fished bobby pins out of her hair, lining them neatly on the coffee table beside her. “Lloyd, did you tell your dad you weren’t going up to Iselia tomorrow?”

“Yup.” His vest was off, and he took a long drink of water from a tall glass at the kitchen sink. “Boy, what a night. Not as bad as you thought, huh, Z?”

“It could’ve been worse,” Zelos replied, his own suit and vest off and tossed aside as well. He strolled up behind Lloyd, took him by the waist, and grinned. “It was all thanks to the two of you.”

He turned in Zelos' grasp, and when they faced each other, he leaned ahead and planted a kiss on Lloyd’s mouth, slow, gentle. His kisses were deliberate, and Lloyd felt himself grow light headed with each one. “M-mm…” A quiet moan escaped his throat, and he flinched as it floated into the air.

Zelos broke the kiss and tugged at his tie. “Do you want some more, hm?” He smirked and licked his lips, although Lloyd couldn’t tell if it was intentional. _He feels so good to kiss,_ he thought, a hand wandering to his chest. _I could do it forever…_

“I…” Lloyd started, but was interrupted as Colette whisked behind them, heading down the hall toward their bedroom.

“Can someone come unzip me?” she called as she went.

The boys looked at each other, and Zelos’ eyes widened considerably. “Is that an invitation?” he replied, not taking his eyes off Lloyd.

“M-maybe--!” She sounded more excited than unsure.

He chuckled and tugged Lloyd by the tie, holding out his other hand. “Well, let’s go,” he murmured, as he entwined their hands together. “Would you like to do the honors~?”

“A-ah, I...w-wait, what do you mean?” Lloyd stammered, stumbling behind him, his heart racing. _I think I already know what he’s implying. I think...tonight’s the night we’ll see if he’s really as “talented” as he says he is._

_I don’t know what to expect…_

Zelos winked back at him. “All right, I’ll test the waters, see if I can warm her up,” he said, “and we’ll go from there?”

“S-sure.”

Colette was patiently waiting, back-to in the bedroom, and she looked over her shoulder, already a little flush. She giggled, then pulled her hair around and out of the way to reveal her bare shoulders and the back of her dress. The zipper was undone a little, as if she had tried to get it herself, but it wasn’t nearly enough to make any progress.

“Let me help you, darling,” Zelos said, voice as smooth as silk. Lloyd stayed in the door-frame as Zelos ran his fingers down her back, before attending to her zipper. She was smiling down at the floor. _She is so beautiful,_ he thought. _I can understand why Z calls her “angel.”_

Zelos slid down the zipper, slow and careful, and pulled her gently against him, keeping her bare back at his chest. Her arms were against her breasts in an attempt to hold her dress up, even as it was undone. She tilted her head back, but as she did, Zelos craned forward and kissed the back of her neck, dotting a trail with his lips.

“A-ah, Z-Zelos…” she uttered, breathier than usual, her lips just slightly parted. She seemed to lean into him, her arms relaxing just slightly, eyes fluttering.

“Is this okay?” he whispered to her, just loud enough so Lloyd could hear. His eyes flickered up to meet his, just on the other side of her face, and a rush shot through his heart. He covered his mouth. _A-ah…_

“Mmm, y-yeah,” she replied quietly. “It’s...it feels nice…”

She tried to turn around, but Zelos held her in place, instead nodding to Lloyd. “C’mere, babe.”

He wandered to them as if in a trance, unable to take his eyes off Colette’s flushed face, her pink lips, her heavy lidded eyes. Her dress gaped at her breast and as he drew closer, it slipped further as her arms relaxed. Zelos was still kissing her neck, and he could hear her breathing growing heavier the more he caressed her neck. Lloyd reached a finger out and traced along her collarbone, leaving goosebumps in his wake.

_“Lloyd…”_ she whispered.

That was all it took, the final step to draw him into her lips, and they kissed. It started gentle, but Colette was needy, pushing at Lloyd with the beginnings of desperation. Her arms reached out to him, and her dress fell in a pile at her feet, leaving her bare chest exposed to him. Immediately, it was pressed against him as he kissed her, kissed her, running his hands along the soft curve of her waist. It wasn’t long before he encountered Zelos’ hand, and it automatically held his. _Ah, I almost forgot he was here. I got lost..._

Colette paused to breathe and look up at him with tender eyes, before realizing that her dress had fallen. “O-oh…!” she exclaimed, instinctively covering her small breasts with her arms.

“What’s wrong?” Zelos purred, stopping himself to get a closer look at her face.

“N-nothing I, um...ah…” She was surprisingly out of breath, shrinking in her nearly naked state, save for a cute pair of pink panties. “I-I’ve never been...like this with anyone...well, not _really…”_

“You’re okay, hon,” Lloyd said, stroking her hair. “We don’t have to--”

“But I do--um, I want to...to…” She fumbled, head whipping from Lloyd to Zelos. “I _want_ you...both.”

_Even if she’s shy when she says it,_ Lloyd thought as Zelos chuckled behind her, _it’s still...so tempting. So exciting._ His pants were already feeling tight, and it was a mighty effort not to adjust them.

“Would you feel better if we matched?” Zelos suggested. “You can undress us~.”

“O-oh! I-I could!” The idea seemed to brighten her, enough to relax her arms again and reveal more of her chest. “But where...do I start?”

“Anywhere you want, sweetheart~,” Zelos replied, and shot another sultry glance at Lloyd. “Unless you’d rather watch us play with each other.”

_Zelos can play with me anytime he wants,_ Lloyd thought as heat surged through the back of his head. He couldn’t tell his own expression, but by the way both Colette and Zelos were smirking at him, he could hazard a guess.

“I’ll...start with Lloyd,” she decided. “I-if that’s okay?”

Zelos kissed her cheek and ran his hand down her back, all the way down to the edge of her panty-line. “Of course. Maybe I can get Lloyd to undress me after~?”

“S-sure,” Lloyd choked out, clearing his throat. _I’m both nervous and excited, I want my hands on both of them…!_

Colette shyly pulled at Lloyd’s tie, loosening the knot all the way down until it was a single ribbon around his neck. The brush of her fingers against his neck as she popped his collar to fully unsheathe it gave him a surprising rush, visible enough to make Colette giggle. She unbuttoned his shirt, one at a time, until she was as far as she could get without untucking his shirt. She paused for a moment, mouth slightly open, to graze his fingers along his bare chest, all the way through to his stomach. _This is a tease,_ Lloyd thought as she slipped his suspenders off his shoulders. _Let me touch you, let me kiss you, I love you, Colette, Colette..._

As soon as his shirt was loosened, he couldn’t contain himself any longer, diving for her lips once more and cupping a hand at her breast. It was soft beneath his hand, and his thumb instinctively rubbed at her nipple, causing her to utter a short moan into his mouth. As he kissed her fiercely, open mouthed, she pulled his shirt off his broad shoulders, allowing it to flutter to the floor near where her dress was. Lloyd could hear footsteps around them, and with one eye open, he saw that Zelos had drawn near them, an entranced look in his eye. Soon, he was out of sight, but Lloyd felt his hands at his back, running up through his shoulders and back down. “Nna- _ahh…”_

Zelos breathed down into his ear in the middle of his kiss. “Mmm…” he murmured. “Do I get the chance to taste those lips~?”

“A-aaah, Z…” Lloyd broke his kiss to lean back into him, his eyes fluttering. _This is overwhelming,_ he thought, as Colette began to kiss at his neck in compensation. Soon though, she drifted away as he felt himself being turned around by Zelos. “Wha…”

“I’ll let you do the honors,” he said, eyes flickering back toward Colette. “Offer still stands, honey.”

“I can watch,” she replied softly. She was no longer hiding herself, only a hand at her lips, her deep blue eyes watching her boyfriends in each other’s arms.

Lloyd bit his lip as he popped Zelos’ collar first, then pulled down his tie, choosing to leave the knot in and pull it over his head, through his mane of flaming hair. _My heart is beating so damn fast,_ he mused, and his shuddering hands only further proved his point. Zelos, on the other hand, had his hands on Lloyd’s hips, playing around his waistband. One button at a time, Lloyd revealed Zelos’ pale, thin chest, made even more white by the black shirt he was sporting. As Colette did, he ran a hand down through his chest, taking note of his heartbeat under his hand.  _So is his._ Midway through, however, Zelos found his hand, raised it to his lips, and kissed it, keeping his cool, ice blue eyes locked with Lloyd’s own. After, he brought it back down, still clasping it, and lifted Lloyd’s chin with a stroke of his other finger, running his thumb over his bottom lip. His lips opened immediately.

“Damn, you’re hot,” Zelos whispered, biting his lip momentarily. He brought Lloyd closer with just a finger, and planted a kiss between his lips. Lloyd could sense the finesse behind his kisses, how he started slow, nipping at his lower lip, before picking up the pace in sweeping, full motions. Lloyd pushed forward, eager, and his hands didn’t know where to begin--through his hair, long and flowing, or at his back? In the end, there was one for each as Zelos gently guided them toward the bed.

It was Zelos who initiated heavier motion, allowing his tongue to become acquainted with Lloyd’s mouth, and he let out another sigh of pleasure. Their bodies were tight pressed together as they kissed fiercely, Zelos’ grip on him growing more intense with every flick of his tongue. _Ah, I’m not the only one getting hot and bothered...I can feel him against me--_

“Mmm~,” Zelos moaned, breaking the kiss briefly. Lloyd opened his eyes to see Colette pulling the shirt off his back with a small smile. “Thank you, honey~.”

They were backed up so Lloyd was at the edge of the bed, and Zelos took the opportunity to push him down onto it, hovering over him. “Seems like we’re not quite undressed yet,” he said with a smirk, and as Lloyd scooted up, he began to undo the buttons on his pants. _Even Col and I never got to this point,_ he thought as Zelos yanked down his pants, trying to take his socks with them as well. His erection, well on its way, made a peak in his boxer shorts. _I mean, he’s seen me in my underwear, we practically live together, but--ah…_

“Um,” Colette piped up, poking Zelos’ back.

He whipped around and immediately held her by her waist. “What is it, beautiful?” he asked.

Her face flared in pink, whether from the comment or the sudden attention. “I thought...um...I could…”  She pulled at his own pants, running two fingers over his belt.

“Oh, yes, absolutely,” Zelos replied, and bent down to give her a few solid kisses of her own. She stood on her toes, small noises escaping through her nose as she fumbled at his belt. Through a monstrous effort, she managed to undo the belt loop, but he paused their kissing so she could draw it out from his pants. With unsteady hands, she managed to undo the buttons and the zipper, and his pants slid down with ease, leaving him only in his briefs.

She withdrew, eyes darting from his chest down to his crotch. He was also sporting a bulge indicative of his arousal. “W-wow…” she muttered to herself, covering her mouth as soon as it came out.

“You’re dazzled, aren’t you?” Zelos remarked, posing and stretching out his already long torso. Lloyd shifted around on to his knees on the bed and crept up behind him. “Not too many people can resiii _iist…!”_

_Gotcha._ He wrapped his arms around him and kissed at his neck, the same way Zelos had done with Colette. “O-oh, hoho my, you’re a...fffaaast learner~,” he said, arching his back. “Soon, you’ll be able to--mmff _fmm…”_

Colette had covered his mouth with hers, and now he was making noises of his own as both of his partners attended to him on each side. Each of Zelos’ moans were pitchier than his natural voice, and seemed to synchronize with her throaty hums. Lloyd felt the ache in his groin as he connected the freckles on Zelos’ back with his kisses, creating drawings of lust and affection on his canvas. He tugged him backward, beckoning him to the bed.

Zelos tapped his finger against Colette’s cheek, drawing her attention. “A-aah, let’s...get more comfortable, shall we~?” he said, hopping onto the bed and making space for Colette to join the middle. She nodded and lay between them, and both of them immediately spooned her on each side.

Colette giggled at the attention. “A-ah, so...where do we go from here?” she asked.

“Well, that’s up to you,” Zelos said, tracing a finger down between her breasts and down through her soft stomach, down to her panty-line. “In my experience, it’s always best to give ladies the most attention first.” He gestured down to his crotch, where his briefs barely concealed his erection. “As you can see, we’re already ready to go whenever.”

“We?” Colette turned to look over at Lloyd, who was equally excited. “Oh, right.”

“So? Will you let us spoil you, kitten~?” Zelos asked, kissing along her shoulder. “I’m sure Lloyd’s desperate to.”

“Hm?” He had amused himself to rubbing her side, just where her hip and waist met, nearly entranced by the sensation. He jerked up at the mention of his name, a little dazed. “W-well, I…” _Goddess, I can barely talk. It’s like I’m drunk, and they’ve barely even touched me yet…_

Colette smiled, warm and soft, and reached her hand out to caress his face. “I’m ready now,” she said, blinking slowly at him.

Lloyd’s heart stuttered in his chest, and all he could do was nod.

“Let’s get to work,” Zelos said, sitting up a little to get better access to Colette’s whole body. “Babe, take the upper half and I’ll work my magic on the lower~.”

“W-work your magic, huh?” _That’s right, Zelos has a whole lot more “experience” than either of us do. He’s probably had sex with hundreds of of people, and I barely know what I’m doing._ He briefly got caught up in watching him kiss down Colette’s stomach, rubbing the outsides of her thighs with his hands before barely teasing the insides. At the slightest touch of her inner thighs, Colette let out a gasp, causing him to grin. _Somehow, he’s different than I thought he’d be. I half expected him to be more gung-ho and demanding, but he’s...gentle. Tender, even._

_I wonder if it’s just because of us…_

Colette pawed for his face, and Lloyd came back to her half lidded eyes and open lips, begging to be kissed. He accepted their invitation, kissing her as deeply as he could while her breathing shuddered every other kiss. He kept an eye on Zelos, who had spread her legs and was dancing his fingers on her inner thighs, dangerously close to her crotch, but not quite. To up the ante, Lloyd found his hand once again at her breast, and he relished in its soft, pliable nature, feeling her hard nipple beneath his palm. _I’ve never seen her like this,_ he thought as they continued to kiss. _But it’s very...very--_

His thoughts were interrupted by a sharp cry into his mouth and her eyes bursting open, and he broke away to see Zelos with his hands on her panties. “Mmm, you’re wet already, I can tell~,” he murmured, amusement mixed with arousal soaking his features. He tugged at the waistband of her underwear. “May I?”

She nodded tentatively. As Zelos slowly tugged them down over her rear and her thighs, Lloyd drew close to her ear. “Are you okay?” he whispered.

“Mmn, I’m fine,” she replied with a swallowing gasp. “Ah, I’m so...so hot… _ahh…”_

Her reassurance was enough to allow Lloyd to kiss at her neck, switching his hand to her other breast to stimulate her further. The more he moved toward the back of her neck, the more she seemed to respond, so he kept his attention there, straining to watch what Zelos was doing as well. “Mmm...a-aah, th-that’s--!” Colette breathed, looking down.

Zelos was at her crotch, and although Lloyd couldn’t see one of his hands, he could assume where it was. “Too fast?” he asked. Her thighs were twitching.

“N-no, i-it’s not... _ahhh,_ it’s not thhhat…” She swallowed hard, trying to catch her breath. “A-ah, I’m just ssso...so... _ahhhh!”_

“Sensitive?” he finished for her. His hand was barely moving, except for small twitches in his wrist, but Colette was already arching back, squirming in Lloyd’s arms. “I know, sweetie. I’ve found your sweet spot--”

“Mmmm _oohhh,_ ” she moaned, toes curling. Lloyd cocked his head, and Zelos only winked at him. _What the hell is he doing down there?_

“I’m going as slow as I can,” Zelos said. “You’re not used to this, are you~?”

“N-no...aa-aahh…” Colette had given up on trying to watch Zelos, her head back and eyes closed, drinking in the pleasure she was receiving. Lloyd, on the other hand, was still trying to figure out what “magic” he was working. _It looks like he’s barely doing anything, but she’s nearly in another world._

“But it feels good, right?” Zelos asked, husky and soft.

“A-ah...y-yeah...i-it feels...feels…” Speaking was becoming increasingly difficult, especially as Lloyd dipped down to kiss at her breasts instead of a simple touch. “Good...really... _ahh…”_

Colette lost coherence, her chest shuddering from her staggered breaths as she let herself get washed in the pleasure and attention. “Good~,” he purred, pushing his hair out of his face with his free hand before locking eyes with Lloyd. “Hey, let me show you something.”

Lloyd nodded, giving Colette a kiss before he left her side and arranged himself beside him. Immediately, Zelos pulled him by the back of his neck into a hard kiss, breathing deep and hard against him, almost mashing their teeth. It was brief, and when they broke, Lloyd had to shake his head. “Sorry. I had to,” Zelos apologized, grinning.

His hand was still inside Colette--one finger inside her, while his thumb massaged her clit at the top of her opening. It was clearly visible, and she was glistening with wetness around her lower lips. “Why don’t you take the wheel here?” he said softly, withdrawing. Lloyd could just see the pads of his finger was slightly pruned.

“Aah...okay…” Lloyd replied, positioning himself in front of her. _I have no fucking clue what I’m doing._ His hand twitched in front of her center, and the heat of his own pleasure was slowly being dissipated by a cold blanket of uncertainty. He kept sneaking glances at Colette, who seemed to be recovering, her stomach revealing a steadier breathing pattern, head still aimed toward the ceiling.

Zelos was right at Lloyd’s back, breathing in his ear. “I forget you’re not as seasoned as me,” he murmured. A short sigh followed, although Lloyd couldn’t tell if it was exasperated or not.

“Er, yeah,” he said. “Sorry…”

“No, no, we can work with this,” Zelos said, taking his hand and guiding it toward her. “Let me show you…”

He collapsed their hands together and made Lloyd stick one finger out, gently prodding it at her lower lips. Colette let out a small moan at the touch. “See, you want to get nice and wet,” Zelos said, helping him push inside. She was warm and soft, and her wetness was slippery to the touch.

Lloyd chuckled and shook his head. “This is embarrassing,” he muttered. “I’m in my twenties, and I don’t know how to do anything--”

“Hey.” Zelos kissed the back of his neck. “You wouldn’t be the first, hon. Honestly, I’m glad I can make your first time a good one.” He sighed through his teeth. “Mine was...not so great.”

He frowned and bit his lip. _Really…? Zelos…_

Lloyd only had time to dwell on this for a second before he was distracted by a gentle moan from him directly into his ear. _Holy shit…_ He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

“Anyway,” Zelos continued, gently sliding Lloyd’s finger from the inside of her to the outside. “Here’s where you really want to be. That’s where the magic happens~.”

Just barely touching the round, pink bundle that was her clit caused Colette to twitch and cover her mouth. “Mmm~!” she cried, her head peeking up. “L-Lloyd…!”

He grinned at the sound of her saying his name, the way it was laced with desire and surprise. Zelos eased off his hand and ran his fingers up his arm, around his shoulders, down his back. “Rubbing it in little circles tends to work best,” he said. He prowled up to Colette’s side and stroked the side of her face. “And as for _you,_ my honey…”

He put a finger to her mouth, soft and pink, with the barest traces of lipstick still lingering. “If there’s anything you need from us, you just say so~,” he said, pressing it firmer against her lips.

Colette, completely taken by the experience, barely nodded in response, and through her heavy breathing, inadvertently kissed Zelos finger. He pressed it in a tiny bit more, and she began licking at it, eyes closed and squirming. At this, his head tilted, lips parting and mouth opening just slightly, entranced. “Oh...my….” he breathed.

Lloyd watched while he massaged her clit, as Zelos withdrew his finger and kissed her fully, both of them moaning all the while. He could see and feel her thighs tensing and relaxing at his sides, and once again was reminded of his own desire persisting in his boxers. Touching her was soft and surprisingly easy, and the noises both of them were making--Zelos quiet moans and Colette’s more desperate ones--were like a subtle soundtrack for their pleasure.

“Mmn... _ahh…”_

“Haaa _hn..._ mmnn…

_Ah_ \--agh.”

Colette broke the kiss and squirmed, nearly forcing Lloyd away from her. “A-ah, s-ssorry,” she said, still hazy with heat. She finally opened her eyes, glazed still, and licked her lips. “I just...mmn, I’m so…” She swallowed, causing her to gasp a little, but it cleared her speech. “I feel l-like I’m right...right on the edge.”

“Oh~?” Zelos smirked, then kissed her nose. “I think I can fix that.”

Zelos nudged Lloyd out of the way and straddled Colette, adjusting himself so he had one hand at her crotch, the other propping himself up. “I hope you don’t mind, Lloyd,” he said, hair streaming down at Colette’s chest. “But I don’t want to keep our sweetheart waiting~.”

Before Lloyd could say anything, Zelos was already diving into her, two fingers inside, thumb at her clit again, rubbing it a little more aggressively than he remembered. She yelped at the sudden change of pace, but it was soon replaced by higher pitched moans, all while he alternated from kissing her mouth to kissing her neck. _This seems a little more...more like it,_ he thought, his hand wandering into his boxer shorts over his erection. _Funny, I thought I’d feel a little jealous, but I don’t. At all. This is really hot...actually…_

Colette’s breathing was growing haggard and louder with every moment that passed, and Zelos was not letting up. “Will you come for me, sweetie~?” he whispered hoarsely. “Will you come for _us?”_

“Ah! Haaa _nnhh,_ Z- _Zelos...ahh_...mm _mnn…!”_  Colette squeezed her eyes shut tight, her whole body shuddering and tensing. In the next second, her eyes were wide open, back arching. “O-ohh oh _ohhh Goddess, a-aah!_ Ahh _nn!”_

Nearly screaming, she writhed in Zelos’ grasp, and he didn’t bother to contain her, only grinning as the orgasm surged through her. Lloyd’s jaw dropped as she was left breathless, head lolled to the side and gasping for air. Her eyes, blue and deep as the sea, fluttered open, and she giggled at his expression.

“How was that~?” Zelos asked, covering her with butterfly kisses. His hand had withdrawn and was now being used to prop himself up.

“That was _incredible,”_ Lloyd blurted out, hand still down his shorts.

Zelos snorted, bursting into a small fit of laughter. “No, not _you._ You’ll get your turn later. I meant our princess.”

It took a lot of effort for her to turn her head back up to Zelos, still smiling. “I’ve...never felt... _anything_ like that before,” she said, reaching a limp hand up to caress his face. “It was...really nice.”

He smiled wider, before scooping her up into his arms and pulling her into his lap. “Oh, sweetheart,” he said, kissing her. “Aren’t you a cutie?”

She giggled and kissed his cheek, prompting him to reply with a kiss on her nose. “Ah, I feel light-headed…” she said, weaving in his arms.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” he said. “Lloyd helped too, don’t forget. And speaking of which…”

Zelos gently eased her back down on to the bed, running a hand down her stomach before he turned his attention to Lloyd, who had finally pulled his hand out of his shorts. “I’ve been _dying_ to get my hands on you, babe,” he said. He pushed him down onto the bed and grinned devilishly. “It’s your turn~.”

“Huh? O-ohmmmn--” Lloyd was cut short by a fierce kiss from Zelos, desperate and biting. He was trying to hold him down to the bed, but Lloyd felt the urge to press against it, slowly sitting back up until he could hold onto Zelos’ sides, kissing all the while. When they were upright, Zelos began running his hands down Lloyd’s strong chest, around to his back, where he tugged at his boxer shorts. Adrenaline shot from his groin straight up through to his head. _Well, if he’s going to do that, then--_

As their tongues played together between kisses, Lloyd also found his hands at Zelos’ hips, and in an effort to trump him, pulled down his briefs in one fell swoop. Zelos chuckled in his mouth. “Well, well,” he muttered, “that’s _one_ way to do things.”

He followed suit, sliding Lloyd’s boxers off to reveal himself, and parted only to let them finish taking off the clothing the other helped to remove. Lloyd couldn’t help but compare his cock to Zelos’ which seemed a little longer than his fully erect. “You’re…” Lloyd began, but quickly shut his mouth.

“Hm?” Zelos tossed his briefs aside and glanced back to get a better look at Lloyd. “Holy _shit,_ you’re hung,” he exclaimed. “Kind of what I expected, but--”

“What?! You’ve been thinking of...of _that_ already?!”

“Isn’t that a good thing~?” Zelos drew him closer with one hand and caressed his cock with the other teasing the tip. The first touch sent electricity through him and his head lurched up to the ceiling. The distraction was enough to let Zelos guide him back on the bed, once again down on his back. “Oh, our kitten has come back to earth.”

Colette had sat up while the two were playing with each other, hand at her mouth, eyes drawn toward their naked crotches. “Hm? Oh--! A-ah, I don’t mean to...to…” she stammered, her lingering flush from the sex only glowing brighter.

“It’s okay, honey. You just like what you see, right~?” Zelos said, winking at her. “Want to help me show Lloyd a good time?”

“Oh, yes!” she replied, traces of deviousness sneaking into her tone as she crawled up to him, positioning herself just over one leg. Her knee was dangerously close to his dick, and he tried to ignore the sensation when it grazed her thigh. They were nose to nose, and her grin was infectious. _I may have had a dream like this once…_

“While you two get started, I’m going to grab something that’ll make things a little smoother,” Zelos said, exiting the bedroom.

“Wonder what that could be,” Lloyd mused, but was interrupted by small kisses at his cheek and jaw. Colette was giggling with every kiss, and when he turned to her, one of her kisses misfired and almost got him in the eye. “H-hey…”

“Hi,” she said, before kissing him on the mouth.

The kisses they shared were a little clumsier than ones with Zelos, but what they lacked in experience was made up for by their intent. The more they kissed, the more Colette leaned on Lloyd’s body, eventually giving up her arm support in order to hug him around his chest. His own hands ran down her back, pushing aside her long blonde hair to relish in her soft skin and the slope of her curves. “Mmn…” Her kisses grew lighter. “I love you,” she whispered.

He smiled into her lips. “I love you too,” Lloyd replied, just as soft, just as gentle. He ran a hand up against her neck and through her hair. “I’m so glad I can be with you like this…”

“Okay,” Zelos said, strolling back in with a small, red bottle in hand. He shook it between his fingers. “I see you two have warmed up~.”

“What’s that?” Colette asked, craning around to see.

“Just some lube,” he replied. “It always helps.”

“Oh.” Colette’s brow furrowed in apprehension. “I-I don’t think I want to have, um...anything more inside me. I-I mean, I’m not on birth control, and--”

“Don’t worry,” Zelos said, kissing her cheek before he sat on the other side of Lloyd. “I wasn’t planning on it. And I don’t think Lloyd does either.”

“What?” Lloyd asked, then opened his mouth in silence and closed it again. _Anything inside-- “Oh.”_

Zelos bit his lip with a devilish look. “Another time, babe,” he said, pouring a small pool of clear lube into his hand. “Let’s just do what we can with what we’ve got…”

Colette scooted on the opposite side of Lloyd, just as Zelos brought his slick hand over his cock. The feeling was instantaneous, and came with a subtle, heated feeling the more he worked it over his shaft. “H-Hhholy _shit…”_ he sighed, breathing through his teeth. “A- _aaahh…”_

He stroked him slowly, as Colette kissed at his neck and Lloyd lost himself in the sensations bombarding him from seemingly all directions. _This feels so good, holy fuck, I never...I never thought...ahh…_ She kissed his lips and it felt like the only thing holding him to the bed. “Mm _mnn_...ahh...haa _ahh…”_

Zelos slowed to a stop, staring at them for a moment, eyes glazed over. Gradually, he crawled down over to them, laying down beside Lloyd. “Col, take over,” he murmured, unable to take his eyes off Lloyd. “The bottle’s at the end of the bed, I just...ah, I…”

He barely could finish his sentence before plunging into another kiss with him, one hand at his face, the other running through his hair, pulling the top of his spikes back to reveal his forehead. Zelos’ one hand was tacky with lube, but he didn’t care--the hot, breathy kisses were more than enough to drown him in heat. “L- _Lloyd,_ I...ahn, _mmmn…”_

Tightness had returned to his groin, as Colette assumed her position over it. Her stroking was a little less firm than Zelos’, but welcome regardless. Her smaller hands provided a softer touch, and combined with the slickness of the lube, Lloyd felt overwhelmed by the heat spreading from his groin into his thighs. _Zelos, Colette…_ He gasped into Zelos’ mouth, his fingers and toes flexing with little control. _I need you, I want you, I love you_

_I love you_

_Oh Goddess, I can feel it--_

“A-aah _nn,_ Z-Z, I’m...haa _anhh, a-aah!”_ Lloyd whimpered, barely able to keep his eyes open. “I-I... _ohh--!”_

Zelos lifted from him for a moment to turn to Colette. “Point it at his chest,” he hissed as she nodded and picked up her pace. He returned to him with a firm, hard kiss. “Now, what was that~?” Zelos pressed his body hard against his and whispered right into his ear:

_“Let me hear you moan.”_

“Oh, _OH!”_ Lloyd yelped, grinding his teeth. His body tensed all over, like the ocean retreating before the wave, and sure enough, the tidal wave of his orgasm shook his senses from the bottom of his feet all the way through his head. _“Ahhh!_ Ohhh Goddess, _pllleeaase!_ Hnn, _haaaanh...aa-aah…”_

Zelos held him close as the the intensity ebbed through him, and he could feel Colette slow the motion over his cock, slowly letting go. Soon, she was at his side, kissing his shoulder as he caught his breath. “Wow…” Lloyd breathed, reaching his arms out to wrap around both of his partners. He blinked and peered down at himself, only to see that the bottom of his stomach was covered in the result of his orgasm. “Oh, shit…”

“Y’know, I was hoping you’d have a little more stamina,” Zelos said with amusement. “But you were _so_ sexy, I can let it slide~.”

Colette shyly nodded in agreement, sitting up. “Let me get you a towel…”

“Better be a paper towel, or else you’ll never be able to use it again,” Zelos advised as she slid off the bed. “That stuff gets as hard as a rock if you let it sit too long.”

“Okay!” She disappeared out of sight.

He chuckled and sat up himself, staring into space, pulling his hair all in front of one shoulder and playing with it. “Well, that was good,” he said with finality, nearly to himself. “Good way to end the night, huh?”

“But, what about you?” Lloyd asked. He was still on his back, and he reached out to tug his arm.

Zelos twitched, turning his head back. “Huh? Nah, don’t worry about me,” he insisted. “I don’t need anything.”

Lloyd frowned. _There’s the mask again._ “But, Z--”

Zelos’ attention shifted to Colette at the door frame, holding a wad of paper towels. “What’s wrong?” she asked, treading lightly as she handed them off to Lloyd.

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Nothing, honey--”

“No,” Lloyd countered, wiping off his stomach. “You put all that into making us feel good, and you don’t want anything back?”

“I…” Vulnerability seeped into his posture, and he looked away, continuing to play with his hair. “I don’t...need it. I don’t...I…” He sighed sharply, and muttered so soft that they could barely hear him. “I don’t deserve it.”

“Zelos…” Colette circled around to the other edge of the bed where he sat, and held his face with her hands. She was still very naked, as was he, but it didn’t deter her in the slightest. “How many times do we have to tell you?” she murmured, tucking loose strands of red hair behind his ears. “Let us take care of you.”

She kissed him, so slowly Lloyd swore it was in slow motion, and Zelos’ eyes fluttered shut, arms wrapping around her waist. In their easy pace, Lloyd rolled over next to him and played his hands against the small of his back before willing his legs to move enough for him to sit up. As he did, he planted kisses all up Zelos’ spine, making him shudder. “You’re okay,” he said, right into his ear. “We’re not done quite yet.”

Zelos giggled in the back of his throat, and leaned back into Lloyd. “Ah…” Colette pushed him back, and they rearranged to get Zelos on his back on the bed, with Lloyd and Colette on either side of him. “You know w-what?” Zelos said as Colette kissed down his chest. “I’ve n-never...gotten this kind of attention before.”

“Never?” Lloyd asked, scanning the bed for the bottle of lube. It was ready to fall off the side of the bed, and he caught it before it dropped, resuming his position.

“Nope.” Zelos was only half hard, but his cock was slowly rising the lower Colette kissed at his body. She was already at his hips. “I usually...usually do all of the work. I-I don’t mind, especially if it’s for... _hahhn,_ if it’s for you…”

Lloyd tilted his head and kissed Zelos, gentler than he had before while he was orgasming, but now it was Zelos’ turn to be more needy. “O-ohh…” he whispered, eyes flicking down to Colette. “Col, honey, you’re a _natural,_ aah…”

She giggled a little as she stroked him, keeping her timing even as he grew in her hand. She spotted the lube bottle by Lloyd’s side and reached out for it, just short. Lloyd realized mid-kiss and knocked it over to her.

“Th-then again,” Zelos said, breaking kiss once again. “It’s... _mmn,_ not th- _that_ hard to jack a guy off. The b-basics... _ahn,_ are ssssimple, you just--”

“Will you just be quiet and enjoy yourself?” Lloyd huffed, kissing at his neck and giving it a small bite.

“Oooh, baby~,” he moaned, tongue flicking out. “You’re not going to...to leave a mark on me, are you?”

“I will if you keep it up.” He nipped at him again.

“Is that a chall--a challaa _aange, aaaaaah…”_  Zelos head flung back, as Colette had applied a heavy amount of lube to his cock, making stroking it easy and slick. _“Haaahh,_ I’m so glll _llad_ I grabbed the--the warming kind... _mmmnnn…”_

While Colette grew faster, Lloyd nipped at him a little harder. _I don’t want to actually leave a mark on him, but if he likes it…_ He eventually returned to his lips, and this time, Zelos grabbed the back of his head again to kiss him harder, tongue immediately in his mouth, creating goosebumps on the back of his neck. “M-mmmn…!”

“Lloyd,” Colette asked. It took a great deal of effort to pry himself away from Zelos--his cheeks were flamed red, making his freckles stand out, and a light sheen of sweat had surfaced at the top of his brow. “Ah, can we switch? My arm’s getting tired...”

“Yeah.” He gave him one final kiss before retreating down to his lower half, while Colette returned to Zelos face to stroke his hair. He was hard and ready for him, shining with lube, and he took a deep breath before gripping it. _This won’t be too different than what I’m already used to, just from a different angle…_

As soon as he touched him, Zelos let out a particularly lewd moan, although it was quickly hushed by Colette kissing his lips. Lloyd tried to angle his hand around in a way that was familiar to him, and began to stroke him with more speed. “Mm _mn, nnn_ aaah…!”

He glanced up to see Zelos frantically kissing Colette, pushing her hair back to see her whole face, while the other hand grasped at her chest, all while her hips gently undulated against his side. _He’s pretty loud,_ he thought idly, squeezing a little tighter to watch him squirm. _I just want to give him the same feeling he gave us. I want to make him feel that good…_

“Babe,” Zelos choked, waving his hand. “Babe, m-more lube...I want to...to... _ahhh…”_

“What is it?” Colette said as Lloyd poured another pool of lube in his hand. Her tone was soft, with just a touch of flirtatiousness that stirred even him. Her lips were right on his ear, and Zelos’ eyes rolled back. “What...do you want?”

“Ohh, honey,” he breathed. “I want to come...so hhh... _aaahhn…”_

Lloyd ignored the burning in his arm and pushed himself to go faster, gripping him with firm purpose as Zelos moaned louder, less coherently. _If this is what you’re like before, what are you like during? I want to hear you._ Colette was whimpering gently as well, as Zelos was kissing her with ferocity, breathing hard out of his nose as if he were a beast. _He said he had stamina, but how long can he hold back?_

_Don’t hold back…_

_Don’t hold back, baby…_

“Oh, oh, _there…”_ Zelos exclaimed, clutching Colette to him. He kept turning from her to Lloyd, unsure where to keep his attention. “There it...oh _Martel, yes_ there it is there it _iiiiissss aaaaah! Haaaannnh, ahh_...mmm _aaah!”_

His ecstasy took him like a storm, arching his back and lifting his hips, his eyes squeezed shut in total rapture as he screamed, letting the release run its course through his whole body. Lloyd managed to cup his hand over the tip to contain the result of his orgasm--the mess was meaningless when his hands were already covered in lube. He couldn’t help but smile at his worn out boyfriend, completely limp after the affair and curling a finger around a lock of Colette’s hair. _Now I’m satisfied,_ he thought as he searched for the paper towel from before, in a heap just off the bed.

“Hooo my Goddess,” Zelos slurred, stroking Colette’s face. “I haven’t had one like _that_ in a long... _long_ time.” His thighs twitched. “Shit, I can’t move my legs…”

“Well, that means we...did a good job, right?” she said, kissing the top of his cheek.

He chuckled and poked her nose as Lloyd rejoined them. “That’s right, cutie pie,” he said. His smile grew wider. “I love you so much--”

Zelos stopped a little short, pupils dilating. His hands tensed at her face, and he seemed to lose focus. “I-I…” he stammered, anxiety seizing his body. He looked back up to Colette, and then to Lloyd, where he could fully see the panic rising in his icy blue eyes. “I love you. I love you both.”

His voice choked at the end, and Colette and Lloyd held him at their respective sides--her stroking his face, while Lloyd took his hand. _Why is he so scared? After all this?_ he thought. _Then again, I was afraid to tell Colette I loved her too, at least a little. So…_

“We love you too, Z,” Lloyd assured. “Both of us.”

“You’re okay,” Colette muttered into Zelos’ ear, barely loud enough for Lloyd to hear. She kissed the side of his cheek. “I love you.”

“A-ah…” He took a deep breath in an attempt to compose himself. “I...I couldn’t ask f-for...anything else,” he stammered. “You both are...the best thing that’s...that’s e-ever happened to me…”

“Shh…” Lloyd soothed, kissing his temple.

Zelos’ eyes were beginning to brim with tears, but he pushed on. “A-and n-now, I get...get to share th-this...with you…” He swallowed hard. “Y-you know, I didn’t th-think sex m-meant much to me...I’ve had...a lot of it.” He shook his head, trying to shake his tears. “B-but...with you...it does.”

He looked between both of them. “It _means_ something again. This whole...my whole _life_...means something.”

“Zelos,” Lloyd said quietly, stroking his hand with his thumb. “You _always_ meant something, even before we came around. You were _always_ important. It's just that now...you have us to make sure you don’t forget that.”

“We’ll always be here for you,” Colette assured, her voice watery.

Lloyd lifted his head up to see her face, and her lip was quivering. “Hon…” he said, reaching a hand over Zelos’ chest to her.

She took it with a big sniff and nodded. “I’m okay,” she said, in a vain attempt to reassure herself. “I promise.”

“My angels, keeping an eye on me, making sure I don’t fuck up,” Zelos said with a sigh and a smile. When he closed his eyes, a leftover tear dripped from one of them, running down his cheek and landing at his neck. “And they just so happen to be spectacular at fucking, too.”

“Z!” Colette exclaimed, causing him to snicker.

“Oh honey, just you wait,” he said. “I’ve got dozens of tricks up my sleeve to show you…”

Lloyd eased himself into the crook of Zelos’ shoulder, feeling a wave of sleepiness hit him. _I get where he’s coming from, in a way. This is the best I could ever ask for, too. Being with the people I love like this, in such a close and passionate way._

_It feels good._

_I want more._

_Not right now, though..._

His eyes fluttered shut, and he let the music of his partners’ voices lull him into a light doze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL THAT WAS FUN WASN'T IT? 
> 
> I've got nothing for meta, but I hope you enjoy sinning as much as I did writing this. I think next on the agenda is the beach date, but I might do a fluffy morning after filler piece. Stay tuned!


	38. Breakfast

_“Come fly with me, let’s fly, let’s fly away…”_

Lloyd stirred to the warbling sound of Zelos singing, as well as the sweet, warm smell of pancakes coming from the kitchen. _Was I out the whole night?_ he thought, sitting up and scratching his head. The blankets were draped over him, and the rest of the bed was empty. He yawned and scratched his chest. _Well, it was pretty eventful…_

He slid out of bed and hunted around for anything to wear. Their formal outfits were exactly where they left them--scattered in pieces on the floor, and eventually he spotted his boxers near the corner of the bed. _Yeah, really eventful._

_(“Mmmn, L-Lloyd…”)_

The hair on his arm stood on end. _Ah…_

He pulled on his shorts, adjusting himself in them, and wandered into the hallway. The bathroom door was half open, erupting steam and Zelos’ earnest singing voice. He poked it open enough to get through, seeing a flash of red over the shower curtain.

_“If you could use some exotic booze, there’s a bar in far_ \--oh, hello.” Zelos cut himself off a little sheepishly, peeking at him over the curtain. His hair was a sheet of deep red and glistening with soap.

“Morning, weirdo,” Lloyd greeted with a smirk. “What’s that you’re singing?”

“Oh, some song they played last night, it’s been stuck in my head all morning,” he said. “You seemed pretty worn out, after all that _activity~.”_

“Y-yeah…” The humidity suddenly felt stifling as memories from the night before flooded his head, but a smile stayed on his face anyway. “It was...great, though.”

Zelos pushed the shower curtain away to reveal his head and a coy smile. “Great, huh? Would you do it again~?”

“Yeah, of course,” Lloyd chuckled. As Zelos stuck his head out, he noticed a couple reddish purple spots against the pale skin of his neck. _Whoops._

“Well, then I’ve done my job~.” He started to grin wider, until he was giggling, his face glimmering with his rare fit of genuine laughter. Lloyd couldn’t help but get caught up himself. _Last night really meant a lot to him, didn’t it…? I love seeing him smile like this._

“Quick, gimme a kiss before you go,” Zelos said. Lloyd walked over and gave him a brief kiss, the bottom of his chin getting warm and wet from the shower water. “Our princess is making pancakes for breakfast.”

“Nice,” he replied, before heading back out into the hall.

Colette was at the stove, in a t-shirt that read “MELTOKIO HIGH SWIM TEAM” on the chest. _That’s got to be Zelos’._ It was much tighter fitting on her than any of his own shirts, hugging at her chest in particular, but it was still long enough to go past her rear. As soon as she caught his eye, she grinned. “Hey!” she said.

“Morning, sweetie,” Lloyd replied, hugging her around her waist and kissing her cheek.

“B-be careful, I’ve got a hot stove here--!” she said, attempting to steady the hand that was holding the spatula. In the pan in front of her, warm, golden pancakes were sizzling on the skillet.

“Where’d you find pancake mix?” he asked.

“Oh, I went out this morning,” she said, turning a little to him. “You know, there’s a little grocery store that’s only about a twenty minute walk from here, and he still doesn’t buy food for himself.”

Lloyd snorted. “Are you serious?” He glanced back at the bar, where a tall paper grocery bag sat. “We’ve really got to get him to stop ordering out all the time…”

“Hon, you know it doesn’t matter to him. He doesn’t have to worry about saving money, so…” She trailed off as she focused on flipping the pancakes again, before sliding them onto a plate already ready by the stove. “Hey, Lloyd?”

“Hm?” Lloyd had left her so he could wander to the coffee maker, which was already percolating, and grab a mug from the cupboard.

“I was thinking earlier…” she began. “Our lease is coming up to be renewed. We’ve got to talk about it to Zelos for real but...maybe we could just move in here, like he said. I mean, now that we’re dating and all.”

“Do you think there will be enough space for us?” he asked, pouring himself a cup of coffee. “We’ve still got all our furniture…”

“Well, anything that we don’t need we can just sell or whatever. Most of our stuff is hand-me-downs anyway.” She gazed around the kitchen and into the living room. “But, I think so. This is a three-bed apartment, so it should--”

_“We’ll just fly, starry eyed, once I get you up there~”_ Zelos sang, waltzing down the hallway with a towel around his waist and one containing his hair. He immediately found Lloyd and took him in his arms to spin around the kitchen. _“I’ll be holding youuu so neeear…”_

“Ack, Z!” he exclaimed, falling back into his arms and stumbling all about as he whisked him about.

Zelos showed no signs of stopping, water dripping from his hair towel and wicking itself onto Lloyd’s face. _“You may hear angels cheer, ‘cause we’re together~”_ He kissed his temple with a loud smack and dipped him almost to the floor. Upon doing this, his hair towel flopped forward under the weight of his wet mane, and the towel unraveled onto Lloyd’s face. “Whoops, sorry, babe.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Lloyd pulled it out of his face and unleashed Zelos’ wet mane, hanging like a wavy sheath on his back. “You are in a really good mood today.”

“What do you expect?” he said, making his way to Colette and kissing the top of her head. “I made love to the most wonderful people I’ve ever met last night. Don’t think I can ask for much more.”

Lloyd balled up the towel in his hands as Zelos sat at the bar, and Colette brought the plate full of pancakes up to it. _That’s what we did last night, wasn’t it?_ he mused, dazed as she insisted on giving him two pancakes to start. _Made love._

“Are you going to come eat?” Colette asked, sitting on the opposite side of the bar as Zelos.

“Someone as strong as you has got to keep their strength~,” Zelos added.

He wandered up to the bar, pulling up a seat beside Zelos. His bedhead hair was a spiked mess, accompanied by a 5 o’clock shadow and sleepiness still in his eyes, but a smile lingered on his lips. “What’s up?” Zelos asked as Lloyd pulled up his own stack of pancakes (Colette had given him a very generous portion). “You look like you’re still dreaming, buddy.”

“Nothing, I…” Lloyd could not wipe the dreamy, spaced out look off his face as he stared between them. “I’m just thinking about how much I love you both.”

“Aw, stop it, you’re going to make me blush,” Zelos said, already a little pink.

“But, it’s cute!” Colette said after a bite of pancake, much more red than he was. “Lloyd, you’re too sweet…”

He winked at her and dove into his stack, a rush of energy surging through him. She giggled, but stopped short as her eye caught Zelos. “Oh, Z, what happened to your neck?” she asked.

“Lloyd,” he answered without hesitation, and ruffled his already messy hair. “I didn’t think he’d actually leave a mark--”

“Hey, I’m sorry--!” _Damn it, he already noticed…_

“Hey, no worries, a little hickey never hurt anyone. Besides, this is nothing.” He swallowed a mouthful of pancake and gestured at his neck. “I dated this girl who was a terrible biter, I had to go to school with my whole neck turned purple--”

“Ugh, that’s awful…” Colette said, unconsciously running her fingers down her own neck. “I always thought it was a little...er, trashy looking…”

“I won’t do anything like that to you, hon,” Lloyd insisted, a flare of guilt rising in his stomach. He tried to wash it down with a gulp of coffee.

Zelos nodded. “The real key is if you really want to get rough, leave marks where people aren’t going to see them.” He smirked. “Like little secrets, tucked away...but don’t worry, kitten, we’ll be gentle for you~.”

“Thank you.” She took a sip of her orange juice, then nearly choked on it trying to talk at the same time. “Oh, oh, we wanted to--to ask you about something!”

“What’s that?”

“Well, um…” Colette suddenly found it difficult to look up at her boyfriends, focusing on her pancakes instead. “Our lease is coming up to be renewed, and I just thought...that maybe we could...you know, take you up on that thing you said.”

“What thing?” Zelos leaned over with a hand under his chin, smirking at her. _He already knows,_ Lloyd thought, amused. _He’s just teasing her…_

“A-ah, us...moving in with you,” she replied, very shyly.

Zelos kept his pose, but his smile grew wider. “You are so cute,” he said, his knee bouncing under the table. “Of course you guys can. I would’ve had you live here a while ago, to be honest.”

“Yeah?” Lloyd asked.

“Mmhmm. I didn’t want to push it, though,” he said. A hand under the table reached out for Lloyd and patted his thigh. “I _really_ wanted us to work out.”

Lloyd nodded and held his hand under the table. “And it did,” he replied simply.

“We’ll have to do an inventory of our place to see what to bring and what to get rid of,” Colette said, jumping down from the stool to stand between the two boys sitting, perching her head on Lloyd’s shoulder. “We won’t need any of our furniture, though.”

“Nah, I’ve got plenty here,” he said. “You can pretty much just bring personal stuff and clothes. And if you want to cook, maybe some kitchenware. I don’t have a ton.”

“That pan that I used to make pancakes was the only one in the house ” Colette sighed. “Seriously, Z…”

“Sorry I’ve been living like a trashy bachelor for the last five years,” he said. “Now I have good datefriends who can cook for me~.”

“You could learn how,” she suggested. “I can teach you!”

“You could,” Zelos replied, kissing her cheek, then poking at the top of her chest. “Nice shirt, by the way. I feel honored, since I’ve only seen you wear Lloyd’s.”

She giggled, hiding her face a little. “They’re comfy,” she replied.

Lloyd let go of Zelos hand to grab Colette by her waist and pull her against him in the chair, tickling her middle as he did. “Gotcha--!” he said, covering her cheek with butterfly kisses.

“Eek, cut it out--!” she squealed. “Zelos, not you too--!”

His fingers were wiggling over to her neck, but at her protest, he laughed and withdrew. “Oh sweetie, I can’t help it, you’re so cute when you giggle like that.”

She swatted at him, trying to grab at his own stomach, but he leaned just out of the her reach, especially when she was restrained by Lloyd. “Ah, ah, I’m not ticklish,” Zelos crooned with a wink.

“How are you not ticklish?” Lloyd asked, peering from behind her head. “Everyone’s at least a little--aha, hey, _hey!”_

Colette seized her opportunity to whirl around in his hold and attack his stomach, causing him to double over with laughter, flailing his arms and legs in a vain attempt to defend himself. “There! Take that!” she cried, laughing herself.

“The princess takes sweet revenge,” Zelos narrated, just before Lloyd managed to push her away just enough to curl over, protecting his stomach.

“Hooray!” she squealed, before bouncing backwards, stumbling a little. “Okay, I need to go shower for the day.”

Both Zelos and Lloyd jerked their heads up, and they spoke in unison. “May I join you?” “Can I come too?” As soon as the words left their mouths, they stared at each other. _He is rubbing off on me, isn’t he?_ Lloyd thought.

Colette snickered at them. “Zelos, you just showered!” she exclaimed.

“My hair’s still wet, it won’t matter,” he replied, winking. “Especially if I get to rub you down…”

“Oh, you!” she teased, her cheeks bright pink. “W-well, I’ll be in there so...you two just figure it out.” She flashed a coy look to the two of them before disappearing into the bathroom.

“Well, well,” Zelos challenged. “How do we settle this~?”

Lloyd held his arm out, elbow on the table. It rattled the plates and glasses. “We could arm wrestle for it. Or rock-paper-scissors--”

“Babe, look at me,” he interrupted, wiggling out his arms for him to see. “I’m a wet noodle, I can’t fuckin’ take you in strength.” He ran a finger along the side of his face, down through his chin. “Why can’t we do this in a more gentle way?” His voice dropped into something much smoother, enough for Lloyd to shudder. “In a gayer way, if you will~?”

_“What,”_ Lloyd deadpanned, but Zelos was already on him, kissing the side of his neck. “C-c’mon Z…” His head was beginning to feel hot.

“Hmm? If you want to shower with our angel, you have to play my game first~.” Zelos’ teeth grazed against his neck, making goosebumps rise.

“Fine.” With one hand, Lloyd guided Zelos away from his neck and to his face, and kissed him firm at his lips. Zelos was one step ahead of him, a hand behind his head as he slowed him down, making his kisses more gentle. _This is really nice...and knowing Z, I could ask for it anytime I want--_

They were interrupted mid-kiss by a t-shirt flying into their faces. “What the--” Zelos said into Lloyd’s face, and he took a closer look. “Ah, this--”

Colette was watching from just outside the door, and she stuck her tongue out at them before vanishing once again. “All right, I’ll let you win this time,” Zelos remarked, taking a deep wiff of her shirt. “Ah, it even smells like her already…”

Lloyd felt frozen as he watched Zelos toss the shirt over his shoulder, his eyes bright and sparkling in the morning sun. “Go on, sleepyhead, or she’s going to be done by the time you get there,” he said.

“Okay.” He slid off the bar-stool, but not before pausing, staring at Zelos’ bare stomach. _I wonder…_ In a flash, he grabbed out for him, attempting to tickle him.

“Oy, I told y-you, I’m _not ticklish!”_ Despite his words, Zelos was cackling, trying desperately to fight him away, almost unfurling the towel around his hips. _Bluffing again!_ Lloyd thought as he watched his glee ridden face, freckles shining, and he felt his own face ache from how much he was smiling. _You’re something else, Z..._

“You sure about that?” Lloyd teased before letting up, playfully jabbing his arms before heading down the hall.

“Hey, don’t get frisky in there!” Zelos called as his hand was on the doorknob. “Everyone says shower sex is great, but it’s terrible! I gave someone a concussion once!”

“Got it,” Lloyd laughed as he entered the bathroom, hit once more with steam and humidity. _I wasn’t planning on it anyway,_ he thought as he grabbed a towel from the linen cabinet and placed it on top of the one Colette already had retrieved. _I just need to get clean too. Being with Col at the same time is just a bonus._

“Are you coming in?” Colette asked. Her hair was piled all on top of her head and was crowned with suds.

Lloyd kissed her as he pulled off his boxers. “I’ll be right there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is proof that I can write something fluffy without having anyone in pain. I can do it! I've been upping my productivity a little bit because I'll be away for Thanksgiving. If you haven't checked out the new chapter I stuck back toward the beginning of the story, [give it a read!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3800722/chapters/12123908)
> 
> Next time, we're going to the beach!


	39. Beach

“Goodness, it’s hot today,” Colette stated, passing a glass of ice water over to Lloyd. Her hair was piled up in a bun on top of her head, and she wore a tank-top and shorts to try and ease the eat. The sun beamed in like a laser through the living room window, cooking the fold out bed he was lying on. “It might be time to dig out the fan.”

“If it’s still working,” Lloyd replied, taking a long drink. He wiped sweat from his brow, himself only in a pair of cargo shorts. “Remember last time we used it? It was making some rattling sound…”

“Oh yeah,” she said, frowning.

“Really, we should just hunker in at Z’s. He probably has AC already.”

“I know, I just wanted to take care of this first.” She held up a wad of papers from the kitchen table. “It’s about our lease and everything…”

“Didn’t you already call the landlord and tell him that?”

“Yeah, but I guess it has to be in writing, too…”

“Ah.” Lloyd stretched and flopped back, balancing the glass of water on his chest. It felt pleasantly cool against his body, which felt like a living radiator. “It feels like a million degrees…”

“It’s just supposed to keep getting hotter this week and the next--” On the table, her phone vibrated wildly, and she jumped back like a scared rabbit. “Ack! Oh…”

She picked it up and flipped it open, hitting the speakerphone button. “Hi!” she answered, holding the phone out in front of her.

Zelos’ voice crackled over the speaker. _“Hey, princess,”_ he said. _“When are you going to get here? I miss you.”_

“Soon, I've just got to organize a few things.”

Lloyd snatched the water glass off his chest and stood up, an arm around Colette's waist as he spoke into the phone. “What's up, Z? What's the plan for today?”

 _“Hm, I don't know,”_ he replied. _“Have you been outside? It_ _’s fuckin_ _’ hot.”_

“Oh, we know. We're living it,” Lloyd groaned. “Do you have AC?”

_“Just turned it on today. It_ _’s beautiful.”_

“We should go out and do something since we all have off,” Colette said. “Do you think the pool’s open yet?”

 _“_ _Pool?”_ Zelos interjected. _“Hey, if you_ _’re thinking something like that, I can whip up something way better than just some crummy-ass city pool.”_ He chuckled. _“Get your swim stuff together and I_ _’ll be there in fifteen.”_

“Huh? What--” Lloyd started.

 _“I_ _ll tell you when I get there!”_

The phone abruptly cut out, leaving them in the silent, humid apartment. “Well, that was helpful,” Lloyd commented, kissing Colette’s cheek while still staring at the blank phone. “What do you think he has up his sleeve?”

“Who knows,” she said, snapping the lid shut and turning to let her arms rest on his shoulders. “Maybe he's going to take us to some fancy resort!”

Lloyd snickered. “I don't know. I mean, I don't doubt he can make it _happen,_ but--”

“I can picture him getting pampered at a place like that,” she continued. “Complete with girls in bikinis feeding him grapes or something…”

“Listen to you,” Lloyd commented. He cupped her face in one hand and kissed her forehead. “I think the only swimsuit girl he wants pampering him is you.”

Her face glowed pink. “Y-you think?” she stammered.

“I've seen how he looks at you,” he said, drawing closer, his voice dropping to a whisper. “I wouldn't mind it either, beautiful…”

He kissed her gently, then squeezed her middle. “Well, let's go get ready, hon. He'll be here anytime.”

* * *

 

They were almost ready to head out the door when the repeated bleating of a car horn echoed from the street below. “Jeez, all right, we’re _coming!”_ Lloyd exclaimed. He grabbed his keys and whirled back to Colette. “Do you have everything we need?”

“I should,” she replied. A large, yellow beach bag was slung over her shoulder, and he could see the strings of her swimsuit poking out from the collar of her shirt. “Got sunscreen, towels, your swim trunks, some snacks, sunglasses…”

Zelos laid on the horn. “Sure, good, let’s just _go,"_ Lloyd grumbled, grabbing her hand and dragging her out the door. "We'll never hear the end of it otherwise, _all right, we're coming!"_

"That's what you said last night!" Zelos shouted from across the street. The top was down on the Mustang, leaving the whole inside of the car exposed to the hot sun, including Zelos himself. He was sporting his headband again, but accompanied by a pair of sunglasses that he flicked to the top of his head upon seeing his datefriends. He was clad in a button down t-shirt, pink with tropical flowers emblazoned all over it, open to his blindingly white chest. On his bottoms was a purple speedo and nothing else.

"Martel, the whole damn neighborhood can hear you--" Lloyd started, but stopped short at the very sight of Zelos' outfit. _"Did you drive over in that?!"_

"You bet your ass I did," he remarked, waving at Colette, who threw the beach bag into the back seat. "Hey, sweetie~."

"Hi, Zelos," she greeted, waving cheerfully before her eyes dropped down to get a better look at him. "O-oh, we're...um, so where did you...ah..." Her gaze quickly began to dart everywhere.

"I know, I'm quite the specimen," he replied, letting the seat lean back so he could perch his long, freshly shaven legs on the dashboard, wiggling his toes in his sandals. "You know, I brought one of these babies for you, Lloyd, just in case you needed something new." He snapped the waistband on his speedo. It made his crotch jiggle, just slightly.

Lloyd made a face. "Hell no! You wouldn't catch me dead in one of those things." He leaned against the side of the door and forced his eyes to Zelos' incredibly amused face. "Why do you even have two?"

"Swim team," he replied, winking.

Colette, in the meantime, finally found her voice. "So, where are we going?" she asked. "I feel like I'm getting a sunburn just standing out here."

"You'll see," he said, pulling out his phone. "Get in here though, so we can get a move on. I've got to get some...er, directions."

Lloyd slid into the front seat, buckling in, while Colette situated herself in the middle of the back, readjusting her bun so it sat tighter against her head. "Let's see, what was her extension again? 723?" Zelos mused to himself before dialing, and sighed heavily before he put the phone to his ear. "Yo, Seles?"

Lloyd and Colette exchanged a look. _He's calling her from his own will?_ he thought, an eyebrow raised. "Yeah, I know you're working, I just had a quick question. We have a VIP pass to some resort around, what was it called?" He paused, slowly turning the engine back on. "Okay. It's like a half hour south of the city, right? Yeah, I'm taking them. All right, thanks." His eyes grew wide for a second, mouth agape. "A-ah, yeah. Bye." He tossed his phone into the cup holder beside him and fumbled for the shifter. "All right, we're good."

"How was Seles?" Colette asked, leaning as far forward as her seatbelt would let her.

"G-good," he said. As he pulled out onto the road, his shifting was jerkier than usual. "Just..." He bit his lip. "She said 'I love you' when she hung up. I..." He shrugged his shoulders, fingers rolling against the steering wheel. "We haven't...er, said anything like that since we were kids. It's...weird, I guess. I don't know."

Lloyd and Colette stayed quiet. _I guess I don't know the way that works either,_ Lloyd thought, letting his arm hang out the window, catching the breeze. _It doesn't seem weird, but maybe to them it is. They've only just started talking again, after all..._

"Anyway," Zelos said loudly, letting his sunglasses fall back over his eyes. "Are you ready to party? We're going to Altamira Bay."

"That sounds familiar..." Colette pondered.

"It's got the same name as that bar we went to for your birthday," Lloyd said. "Right?"

"Yeah. The bar was named after the beach, not the other way around," Zelos remarked with a chuckle. "Nah, this place is pretty ritzy, if I can remember. I haven't been since I was younger, but there are private beaches and hotels right along there. There used to be an amusement park too, but I can't remember if that got shut down."

"That's okay! Today is a perfect beach day." Colette was tilting her head up to the sun, absorbing the rays like a flower. The wind blew fly-aways out of her face and let her thin t-shirt flutter in its breeze. "You treat us so nice, Z."

He grinned and flashed her a grin through the rear view mirror. "Well, that's my job, isn't it?" He leaned back and flicked his shades down just enough for her to see his eyes. They were nearly transparent in the harsh sunlight. "I need to spoil my datefriends as much as I can~."

"Hey, watch where you're driving, lover boy," Lloyd commented, taking the wheel to correct him on the road.

"Are you sassing me?" Zelos asked, brushing his hand to swat him away before reluctantly returning to focus in front of him. "Look, it wouldn't be an issue if this guy would get off my bumper."

Behind them, a minivan had crept up behind them, varying between a car's length and a quarter of the distance behind them. Zelos kept switching between the road and the rear view mirror, scowling a little. "If you're going to ride my ass," he muttered, "you could at least pull my hair."

Lloyd choked on his own spit, forcing him into a coughing fit, while Colette sunk down into her seat, a hand clapped over her mouth to suppress her snickering. "Oh, you weren't supposed to hear that," Zelos chuckled with a wry smirk. "But it'll give you some ideas for later."

"You're awful," Lloyd coughed, grinning all the while. "Absolutely terrible."

"That's me," he replied, hand wandering from the shifter over to grab Lloyd's. "Just terrible."

"You guys--!" Colette wrapped the strap of her seatbelt behind her so she could scoot closer, putting her hand on top of theirs. "Don't say stuff like that! You're both the best."

"We're just kidding around, hon," Lloyd said, craning his neck back against the seat. "No worries."

"Okay." She kissed Lloyd on the cheek, then Zelos, a small chuckle rising from him before she sat back. "We'll be there soon, right?"

"Soon enough," Zelos said. "Just enjoy the breeze."

Colette tilted her head back into the wind, and with one flick of her wrist, let her hair down, a blonde ribbon flashing in the breeze as they zoomed down the highway.

* * *

 

The Altamira Bay Resort was a stunning white building that sprawled along the shoreline, with small flags from the surrounding nations fluttering on top of it. It was one of the only buildings that sat right on the beach, alongside some smaller beach houses. They pulled into the parking lot amongst a row of limousines, making Zelos' car look modest in comparison. _There aren't even any normal cars here,_ Lloyd thought, gawking at the gold rimmed pillars decorating the archway. _This is a lot fancier than I really had in mind..._

Zelos led the way, a drawstring bag over his shoulder, with Colette right behind with her beach bag and Lloyd bringing up the rear, hands stuffed into his pockets. A doorman opened the glass doors for them, and they were led into a huge lobby with glossy wooden finished floors to match the rest of the decor. Glass cases with trophies from long ago bookended the front desk, hosting a woman with wispy grey hair, reading a magazine. "Hey there," Zelos greeted, an elbow on the desk. "We'd like to get a nice, private beach spot for the three of us." His voice was dripping with charm, enough to make Lloyd roll his eyes.

The woman took the bait, lighting up instantly. "Oh, certainly, young man! I just need the name on the membership and a photo ID."

"Should be Daniel Wilder." He spat the name out as if it were a bad taste in his mouth, but quickly resumed his smooth demeanor as he withdrew his wallet from his breast pocket. "And ID."

She typed into the computer below where they could see and took a glance at the ID. "You're his son?" she asked.

"Yeah," he sighed. The hand that wasn't on the desk flexed at the mention.

"And these are your guests?"

"That's right."

Lloyd glanced at him, his lips a thin line, a definite crease in his brow. _This isn't good,_ he thought, feeling tense himself. _He's going to crack if she asks him anything else about his family--_

"It's such a nice day out, we thought we might go for a swim!" Colette burst in, hugging Zelos' arm and giving the receptionist a sunny look. "The first really hot day of the summer!"

"Yes, good to get out and enjoy it," she replied, sliding his ID back over the counter. Zelos' shoulders relaxed, and he kissed the top of her head, leaning into her. Lloyd smiled at them, his head cocked. _Nice save, Col._

At the desk, a printer whined and printed out three stickers. "Just keep these on you, they're VIP day passes," the receptionist said. "It looks like your visit will be charged directly to the account on file."

"That's fine. Have Seles take care of it." He snatched the badges from her and held them up as he saluted her. "Thanks, ma'am. Changing rooms down here, right?"

"Er, that's right," she replied at his abrupt departure. "Enjoy your stay, Mr. Wilder."

Zelos was already halfway down the hallway that stretched behind the desk, arm in arm with Colette, making Lloyd jog to catch up to them. "What's the rush?" Lloyd asked, trying to get a step ahead of them.

"No more questions," Zelos replied, shaking his head. "I've had enough of that for a while. I just want to have a nice day with you guys, that's all I want."

"We will," Colette affirmed, hugging him from the side before digging through the beach bag. "Hang on, Lloyd, I have your swim trunks right here..."

"You're already changed?" Zelos asked, peering at her neck. He gingerly tugged at the collar of her shirt to peek at her swimsuit.

"Oh, you want to see?" she said, immediately stopping what she was doing to peel off her t-shirt. Lloyd hid a smirk from them. _Only you. If it were Sheena, she would've already smacked him.  
_

Her bikini top was simple--white with a frill along the top of the bust, enough to give her the slightest bit of cleavage. It tied around her neck with a couple of blue beads at the end of the strings. Zelos looked her over, chin in hand. "It's cute," he said. "White, huh?"

"Uh-huh!"

He shook his head, an eyebrow raised. "Has anyone told you that having a white swimsuit may be a bad idea?" he asked.

She cocked her head. "No. Why's that?"

He opened his mouth, then bit his lip with a soft smirk. "Nothing, sweetheart," he said, then glanced over to Lloyd with coy eyes. _Why are you looking at me like that?_ Lloyd thought, scowling a bit. _What's wrong with a--_

_(soaking wet, she rises out of the water, her top damp and showing the full shape of her breasts in easy view, enough to see her--)_

He swallowed hard, realization dawning on him. _Oh. That. I don't ever remember it being an issue before...but now that_ he _brings it up..._

It didn't quite dawn on Colette, as she shrugged and continued digging through the beach bag, stuffing her t-shirt down in during her search. Zelos, meanwhile, strode over to Lloyd, muttering in his ear as he walked around him. "She's just too pure," he said, then louder: "Oh, I almost forgot, I still have my extra speedo."

"Z, _don't,"_ Lloyd groaned, crossing his arms. "My trunks are just fine--"

Somehow, Zelos was one step ahead of him, and manifested an orange speedo out of his bag, waving it in front of his face. "But have you _tried_ it? Your legs will feel so free. You'll be fast."

"Who cares? I don't have to be!"

"Who doesn't want a well defined package?" Zelos continued, pointing at his own with one hand and continuing to dangle the speedo in front of his face with the other. "Come on, just one try? Just to show us. I know our angel would love to get a look~."

Her head was still stuffed in the bag. "I-I think he should wear whatever he wants," she replied. "Goddess, where did I put that?"

 _Don't cop out on me, hon!_ Faced with Zelos expectant face, he huffed and grabbed it out of his hands. "Fine, _fine._ Just stop badgering me, all right?" He scowled at him and turned on his heel down the hallway, lined with doors. He picked one at random--a simple changing room with only a mirror, and slammed it behind him.

"Martel, Martel..." he muttered, tossing the swimsuit on the floor. _I'm glad he's in better spirits, but this is just too much._ He stripped off his shirt, shorts, shoes, socks, and briefs and glared at the bright orange offense that faced him.

Outside, he could hear the voices of his datefriends. "Do you think that was too much?" "Yeah, a little bit. You know he gets embarrassed about stuff like that." "Oh yeah, like the guitar thing. I was just giving him a little tease, that's all. And I want some eye candy." "Z..."

Lloyd sighed as he stepped into the speedo. _You sure are something, Z. At his best, he is the type to try and bring others out of their shell. I'd take this over him hating himself any day. Even if it means...this._ He stared at himself in the mirror, adjusting his package inside the swimsuit. _I feel more naked than if I weren't wearing anything at all. This thing is so damn tight._ It hugged at his hips, and turning around, he found it barely held his butt in the spandex fabric. _I can't believe it fits me at all, given how thin he is. This is_ his _suit, isn't it? That whole "swim team" explanation wasn't terribly clear..._

He shrugged and sighed, slowly opening the door back out into the hallway. "Ah, here it is!" Colette said, holding up his swim trunks in front of her face. The door managed to block his entrance for a moment. "Oh, how'd you do, Lloyd?"

"I don't get how anyone can wear these," he said, stepping out in full view. "I feel like there's a neon sign pointing straight at my junk."

Upon seeing him, Colette's eyes grew very wide. "Um...!" she exclaimed, her face turning a brighter shade of red every second that passed. "I-it sure...sure is...something--!" Slowly, she hid her face with his trunks and spun away from him, hiding her face.

Zelos, on the other hand, kept a hand over his mouth, but not over his eyes, which grazed Lloyd's entire body, mostly focusing on the obvious. "Wow," he said, nodding. _"Wow."_

"Well? This is what you wanted, right?" Lloyd said, letting his hands fall to his sides with a slap to his thighs. "Are you happy now?"

"Yeah," Zelos replied, distracted. "Yeah, I can't compete with that."

With his eyes still on Lloyd, he pawed beside him at Colette, first at her face and then lower to her hands. After a moment, she seemed to realize what he was aiming for, and handed him the swim trunks. From there, he held out the swimsuit to Lloyd, looking everywhere but his eyes. "You can take this...and change, 'kay?"

"Thanks," Lloyd said, getting one last look at his nearly awestruck face before heading back toward the changing room. He couldn't help but grin to himself as he tossed his trunks up into the air between his hands. _So that's what an ego trip feels like,_ he thought, giddiness rising in his chest. _Maybe that's why he goes through all of this._

"You okay, angel?" Zelos asked from outside.

"I'm fine!" she squeaked. "Everything's fine!"

His voice dropped, but it was still just loud enough for him to hear. "Too much to handle?" There was no verbal reply, but Zelos continued to follow up. "I know. I can't have both of you looking that delectable~."

Lloyd chuckled to himself as he gathered up his clothes, his balls finally free in his trunks. _Delectable, huh?_ The smug smirk on his face followed him outside, where Zelos noticed it immediately. "Not so bad, huh?" he remarked, an arm around his shoulder. "If you want to give me a nice surprise, you can just take me to bed in that."

"Nah, you're not seeing me in one of those again," Lloyd replied. He glanced around for Colette, and found her trailing a little behind Zelos. Her face was still pink, and he held his hand out to her. "All set, hon?"

"Mmhmm!" Her eyes flashed bright when she grasped his hand, and seemed to return from her embarrassed state enough to skip beside them. "So, which way's the beach?"

"Should be right out here, at the end of the hall. You can see the ocean from here," Zelos said, pointing out. The back wall was entirely made of glass, and the room accompanying it was full of recreation equipment. There were a few chairs set up in the window, along with a ping-pong table, a pool table, and a complete poker set in the far corner. The carpet was plush green beneath their feet, and the walls that weren't glass were covered in dark, wood paneling.

"There's no one here," Lloyd commented, looking around. "I don't even see anyone on the beach..."

"It's the middle of the week still," Colette said. "But isn't this a big tourist destination? For well-off people, I mean..."

"I dunno, off-season, maybe?" Zelos said, breaking away from Lloyd to head out to the door. "Or no one's decided to take their vacation yet. Who cares, it means we have the beach all to ourselves." With one hand on the glass handle, he tilted his head back, a coy smile pasted on his face. "Want to go skinny dipping~?"

"You already practically _are,"_ Lloyd sighed, unfazed.

"Thought I'd ask," he said, sticking his tongue out. "I'm always up for anything."

"Jeez, I thought you were bad before, but that was _nothing,"_ he groaned, following Zelos out onto the fine, white sand of the beach. It made him stumble, and he took a second to take his shoes off and carry them, letting his toes wiggle in the sand.

"W-whoa!" Colette exclaimed, even more wobbly than Lloyd was as she tried to follow behind Zelos. "Slow down, Z! We need to put on sunscreen..."

"Pfft, sunscreen? Who needs that?" Zelos called back, his long strides propelling him ahead of the others, racing to the water. "I just want to dive into that water."

As they got closer to the shore, Zelos broke out into an all out run, stripping off his shirt and bag, the former flying into Colette's face. _"Zelos, wait!"_ she cried, but he only waved back at her with one hand, continuing his trek toward the ocean. She pouted as she set down her beach bag. "He's the one who needs it the most..."

"I'll go get him," Lloyd said, jogging out behind him. "You just set things up here, okay?"

The sun was directly overhead, and it blinded him thanks to the reflection off the water as well. Zelos whooped as he rushed straight into the ocean, splashing water up as his feet smacked against the wet sand. As soon as he was about ankle deep, however, he stopped dead, holding his arms and spinning around. "Fuck!" he shouted. "It's fucking _freezing_ out here!"

"You think? It's the ocean!" Lloyd stopped just short of where the water was receding, arms crossed. "It hasn't been this warm for that long. Get on out here, we're all going to put on sunscreen."

"A little burn never hurt me," he grumbled, sloshing out from the sea. Lloyd saw that goosebumps were rising on Zelos' shoulders from his brief dip. "Besides, I get burnt whether I wear it or not..."

"Still, it's not good for you. You probably burn pretty bad since you're so pale."

"And you turn nice and brown, huh?"

Lloyd chuckled. "Yeah, I got lucky. Maybe if I get a good start I won't have a farmer's tan like I usually do. Sheena used to tease me about it."

Further up, Colette had already stripped down completely to her white bikini, fishing out the bottle of lotion. She had spread three towels down on the sand, and was seated cross legged in the middle. "How was the water?" she asked, winking at Zelos.

"I'm sure you heard me, princess," Zelos said. "But it was a little _chilly,_ in less colorful words."

She snickered and squeezed a bit of lotion on to her palm. "Here, sit, I'll get your back." She gasped and bounced a little. "Oh, now that there's three, we can get in a circle, and it'll take less time! Here, Z, you get Lloyd, and he can get me." She enthusiastically shoved the bottle into Lloyd's hands as she patted the seat behind her.

"I thought I was the one supposed to get excited about this," Zelos commented, pulling his hair around to his front and twisting it into a manageable tail. "You're cute, angel."

She only giggled in reply, and began to slather his back with sunscreen. In the meantime, Lloyd squirted a puddle of it in is own palm and rubbed them together, clumsily pasting it between Colette's shoulder blades. _When we used to go out to the beach, she always used to do my sunscreen,_ he thought, gently brushing her hair aside. _But she always used to come already prepared, or Sheena would do it. Or her mom. I never got much of a chance..._

"Hey, quit hogging the sunscreen, lemme see," Zelos asked, snaking his arm around and grabbing the discarded bottle from his side.

Lloyd shook his head and kept focused, smearing the white lotion all along the back of her shoulders and down through to her lower back. "Make sure you get underneath my straps, too," Colette commented. _Ah, right. That's a thing._ He gingerly slipped his hand underneath the thin white straps, noting that a simple bow was all that held them together. _It's so delicate. She's worn this swimsuit before, but I guess I never really_ looked _at her in it closely. I guess...it suits her. She's so pretty, no matter what she wears..._

His thoughts were jarred when a sudden coolness hit his back. Zelos was beginning to work on him, his touch almost massaging through his upper shoulders. "Martel, are you always this tense?" he muttered. He pressed his fingers harder against him, rubbing right along the muscles near his neck.

Lloyd's head rolled back on instinct, and his hands on Colette began to wander down to her hips. "Mm...that feels nice..." he muttered. _He's given me back rubs before, but with the sunscreen it feels more like a massage..._

Colette peered over at them, then let her own hands meander down to the very small of Zelos' back, right at the edge of his speedo. He jumped and let out a squeak, hugging Lloyd from behind. "Hey, that tickles!" he exclaimed. "What was that for? I'm putting on his sunscreen!"

"Okay," she replied, unable to hide her pleased smile as she finished rubbing the last traces of white off his back. "Here, make sure you get your face and arms, too."

Zelos was a little more hasty to finish with Lloyd now that he had been interrupted, but made sure to cover him fully, including right up through to his hairline on his neck. "What, you won't put that on for me too, sweetie~?" he crooned.

"No, but I can rub it in." Colette already had some streaks on her face from her own application, and as soon as Lloyd put her bikini straps back in place, he leaned over to her. "Hm--?"

"You missed a spot," he said, gently rubbing his thumb over her cheeks and nose to clear off the spots. "There."

"Thank you," she replied, kissing his cheek. She caught Zelos out of the corner of her eye and frowned. "Oh, looks like you did too..."

Zelos had doused himself over his face, and his was worse than hers--big gobs of sunscreen were left across his forehead and the tops of his cheeks. "What?" he asked, oblivious.

Lloyd and Colette sighed nearly in unison as they both reached out for his face, each taking a side to fix his terrible application. He squeezed his eyes shut as their fingers prodded his face, mouth scrunched as well. Colette looked him over as soon as she was done. "There. It's better than nothing. You don't want to burn!"

"I've been through worse, honey," he said, flipping his hair. "A little sunburn isn't going to hurt me."

 _Sure,_ Lloyd thought, _you'd be just the type to say that, and then be a drama queen about it if you did happen to get a burn._

Colette wasn't impressed by his nonchalance, standing up and stretching in the sun. "I just don't want you getting hurt, that's all."

Zelos bounced to his feet and kissed her head. "You're sweet," he said, then grinned and grabbed her wrist. _"Now_ we can go play!"

"H-hey, wait!" But before she could protest further, Zelos was already dragging her out to the shores, stumbling the whole way to the water's edge. Lloyd scrambled up and followed behind, just as they splashed into the water, ankle deep.

 _"Damn it,_ it's still freezing!" he complained, tiptoeing once he reached the cool ocean.

"It's not _that_ bad," Colette said. Both of them had their arms out, as if the water was going to jump up and bite them. "You just need to take it one step at a time..."

Lloyd snorted behind them, dipping his own toe in. _For you, maybe._ It was cool, but not unbearably so, and he felt brave enough to take a few more steps out, up until he reached his knees. "How is it out there?" Zelos asked, still hanging back with Colette.

"She's right, it's not that bad, especially for a day like this," Lloyd replied, turning back toward them. "But in my opinion, the best way to get used to the water is to just--"

He took a deep breath and sunk himself down into the water, bracing for the cold fingers of the ocean to grasp him. It was definitely colder on his upper body, and the sensation of his groin trying to crawl up to his stomach was certainly unpleasant, but it only took a moment to reach equilibrium, especially in the hot sun. He let the water level reach his shoulders before jumping back up, his trunks dripping. "Whew!" he gasped. "That's refreshing..."

"You've always been better than me at getting wet-- _ah!"_ Colette exclaimed, shielding herself. Lloyd had playfully scooped water at her, dotting her stomach. "Don't splash me!"

"Shouldn't that be the other way around?" Zelos commented slyly. His snide grin was quickly wiped away by another splash of water. _"Martel,_ why--! You little..."

Lloyd was laughing, bright eyed, even as Zelos let go of Colette and charged at him, splashing water everywhere. He backed up enough so that his entire bottom half was submerged, and when Zelos got to him, the base of his speedo barely getting wet, he screeched to a halt, gasping. "Sshhhit! No, no, _no!"_

In one fluid motion, Lloyd grabbed him around the waist, spun him around and pulled him down into the water, laughing all the way down. Zelos pushed him away as fast as he could, his hair a wet sheet dripping onto his back. "You bastard!" he cried, splashing him as Lloyd shook his head like a wet dog. "Get back here--!"

"Don't you keep saying that you were on the swim team?" Lloyd taunted, dancing about in the waves, dodging Zelos' splashes. "I thought you'd be used to this by now."

"This is the _ocean,_ not a temperature controlled pool! For the love of Martel--" He lashed his hands out and grabbed him from behind, tickling his middle as he did. _"Gotcha!"_

Lloyd fidgeted and fussed, choking with laughter. "Come on, _come on!_ Lemme _go, Z!"_ he cried, trying to elbow him away, neck stretched up into the crook of Zelos' shoulder.

"Sweet, sweet revenge," he purred, holding him as firm as he could, while at the same time trying to push him further into the water.

On the sidelines, Colette had edged out a little further, little by little as she waded into the water. Her arms were clasped to her chest, face stretched wide from smiling at the tussle. Lloyd caught her eye, brilliant blue in the sunlight, and she waved at them, giggling. "Are you coming?" he asked, a split second before Zelos slam dunked him into the ocean. As soon as he was submerged, however, he was released and resurfaced immediately.

"Oh, you want some too?" he heard Zelos say, arms out and already prowling toward Colette. She squealed as he rushed for her, although she gave very little resistance as he grabbed her and spun her around in the water, Colette squealing the whole way down. _Zelos,_ Lloyd thought, watching them splash at each other in glee. _I feel like I'm seeing what you're really like. Without that cloud of trauma hanging over you, even though that's a part of who you are too._

_It's good to see you happy._

He was jostled by a soaked Colette tugging on his arm. _And you, my sunshine..._ "C'mon!" she exclaimed. "We're going to go play in the waves!"

"Okay," he chuckled, letting her drag him out to deeper water.

When they were about waist deep (Zelos was another few feet ahead), she spun around and propped her hands on his shoulders. "Whee!" she squealed as she lifted herself in the water and wrapped her legs around Lloyd's hips. He instinctively grasped at her rear to keep her steady, although the buoyancy of the water made her feel weightless in his arms. Her smile was contagious, and he felt it warm his entire body, even in the frigid sea.

 _I love you so much,_ he thought. She bumped her forehead against his, and they rubbed noses.

Lloyd felt a touch on his shoulder, and looked up to see Zelos with his arms around both of them, a rare soft look in his eyes, without flirtation or disguise. "What's up?" he said.

"Nothin'," he replied quietly. "Just soaking this in, that's all."

* * *

 

_("Hey, Col."_

_She looked up from the sink, elbow deep in soapy water. "Hm?"_

_"Do you want to go out sometime?" he asked from the kitchen table._

_"You mean...like a date?" she asked._

_"Yeah." He got up and walked over to her, hugging her from behind. "A date, you and me."_

_"Sure," she said, giggling. "What about Z, though?"_

_"He can come too, if he wants," he muttered. "I just want to--"_

_"You don't have to take me everywhere, you know."_

_Colette jumped, splashing water up into her face. They turned to see Zelos leaning against the table, smirking. "You can have alone time, too. Just 'cause we're a trio, doesn't mean we can't do things as pairs."_

_Zelos' warm smile burned into his memory, as well as the way he pushed himself away with his hip, his weaving walk toward them, and the touch of his hand against the small of his back. "Take her out," he said...)_

The sun loomed overhead, beaming down over Lloyd as he was laid out on the beach towel. _I could lie here forever,_ he mused, feeling the heat bake his back and shoulders. A seagull cried overhead. _I could almost_

_("I love you!" she giggled, beaming at him)_

_fall asleep_

_(sitting in his lap, TV acting as background noise while he kisses the top of his head)_

_right here..._

The padding of feet against sand and panting roused him, blinking an eye open. A shadow passed over him, and he saw a metal pole being stuck into the ground, between a pair of bare feet. "There!" Colette said above him. He rolled over to get a better view of her as she knelt beside him, handing him a sandwich. "I got some snacks from inside, and this umbrella so the sun won't be so hot."

"It's not that bad," Lloyd said, sitting up and rolling his shoulders. "I think I kept dozing..."

"You did," she replied. "You would've burnt up if you kept up like that."

He yawned before taking a bite of the sandwich, a simple peanut butter and jelly. "Where's Z?" he asked, squinting out at the shoreline. He could barely make out a flash of red standing out in the sea.

"He's still out there," Colette said. "He really loves the water. He hasn't been back on the sand since he went in."

"Really?" Zelos was facing the shore and waved his arms above his head to them, and Lloyd gave him a one handed wave back.

"Yeah, I've been in and out a few times," Colette said. "Oh, he's coming back I think..."

Zelos ran in from the water, almost tripping on the sand as he sprinted over to their camp on the beach. His sea soaked hair dripped everywhere, and Lloyd could feel the cold radiating from his body as he sat on the beach towel beside him. "Hey," he said breathlessly. "Are you toasted yet?"

"Have you grown gills?" Lloyd replied, offering him his sandwich. "Surprised you haven't wrinkled up from being out there so long."

Zelos took a small bite of it, slicking back his hair. "I could've stayed out there forever. Dunno why, but the water is one of the few places that feels like home." He pulled his headband out and wrinkled his nose at it. "Shit, I always forget to take this out." He wrung it out on the sand and tossed it aside. "Angel, do you have anymore of those sandwiches? I wasn't hungry before, but after that bite--"

"Here!" Colette was ready with one in her hand, letting it hover in front of his face. He chuckled and began to peel off the crusts.

"Here, give me those, I'll eat 'em," Lloyd said.

"I was going to feed them to the seagulls," Zelos replied, wrist flicking out.

Lloyd grasped it just before the bread left his hand. _"Don't,_ the seagulls will never leave us alone if you do." He surveyed the beach surrounding them, and sure enough, a couple were cautiously waddling a few feet away from their blanket, eyeing their camp.

"Bread is bad for birds, too," Colette added. "It messes with their digestive system."

"Didn't know you guys were environmentalists," Zelos grumbled, balling up his crusts and shoving them into Lloyd's mouth.

"H-hey!" he exclaimed, muffled by the bread. He nearly choked with the force Zelos put to it, but managed to swallow it down. "I just don't want to be bombarded with hungry seagulls, okay?"

"Whatever," Zelos sighed. He looked at his sandwich, rolling it over in his hands, before taking another small bite.

Colette bit her lip, then crawled over to Zelos, a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, I've got an idea," she said, then began whispering into his ear. While Lloyd couldn't hear her, she kept sneaking glances over him and grinning while doing so.

"Ooh, that _is_ an idea," Zelos replied, also flashing a smirk at Lloyd.

"What?" he said, switching between them. "What are you guys planning?"

"Go, go out out on the sand," she said, taking both of their hands. "Lay out there like you were on the towel."

"Just relax, my friend," Zelos said, pawing around the blanket for his sunglasses and placing them squarely on Lloyd's face. "We're going to make you nice and cozy."

"What the hell?" he exclaimed. Zelos grabbed Lloyd's arm, and he and Colette yanked him up off the towel and dragged him out to the sandy shores a few feet off. When they stopped, Colette broke away, but Zelos eased him down, lying him down and hovering over him. "Wh-whoa, you're not going to--this is a public beach!"

"Oh, your mind's gotten so _dirty,_ babe," Zelos teased, kissing his forehead. "Sex on the beach is fuckin' awful, no pun intended. Nothing sand in your ass crack to ruin the mood."

 _"Martel--"_ Lloyd groaned.

"Will we be okay without tools?" Colette asked, also kneeling beside him. "It'll be hard without shovels..."

"Oh, you're going to bury me, aren't you?" Lloyd said, trying to sit up. Zelos kept him down with a gentle hand on his chest that he did not resist.

"That's right," he replied with a wink, then turned up to Colette. "Nah, I think we'll be okay. Here, start digging around him..."

Lloyd sighed and closed his eyes, the sun being shielded by Zelos' sunglasses. _I guess this means I can relax a little more,_ he thought, letting the sounds of the sea and the crunch of sand digging lull him. _I've never been buried before, but we always used to bury Genis when we were kids. He used to build some monster sand castles too..._

"For a sec, thought you would've wanted to build a sand castle," Zelos said. Their voices seemed strangely far away in his relaxed state.

"Yeah, but I can't make good ones. We don't have any buckets or anything," Colette replied.

"You can make decent castles with your hands."

"No...I was only good at sand volcanos. You know, just mountains."

Lloyd felt the first scoop of hot sand land on his chest, and he flinched. "Z, you've got to start at the feet, it's easier that way."

"Whoops. Well, it's there for later, right?"

He snorted and continued drifting in and out of consciousness. Hot sand covered his feet, then his legs, as their conversation wandered above him in the hazy heat.

"...need a shirt..."

"Oh, he's gonna get...at you..."

"I can make it look sexy~."

_"Z!"_

Her laughter rang in his ears, and even when he opened one eye, he couldn't find the effort to focus on anything. Shadows mulled above him, and he resigned himself to the sand. The weight was somehow comforting over his body.

"...should do it."

"I'm going back out, I'm hot."

"...before...sunscreen..."

"...need it, I'll be in the water."

"Probably...mermaid in another life."

"Aren't you...angel...?"

Time passed without him.

_(I'm underwater, but it feels warm, somehow. I can hear his voice, but I don't know what he's saying. I can only see shapes and colors, like the red of his hair, the blue of the water. He laughs. He has a fish tail, for some reason...)_

At long last, the heat on his face became unbearable, his muscles stiff from lying down so long. He tried to roll his shoulders, but found the action laborious. Even moving his neck was a struggle, and he shook the sunglasses off his head to get a better look. Even as the sun blinded him, he could see a huge mound where the rest of his body was supposed to be. He could barely see over it to the ocean. _You really got me under here, didn't you?_

"Hey, guys?" he called. His voice cracked, crusty from disuse. "Zelos! Colette!"

"Coming!" Colette's voice echoed behind him, and she rushed over, frantically skipping in the sand until she tripped, waving her arms, and fell over right above Lloyd's head. Her bust was almost directly in his face before she leaned her head forward. "Did you have a good nap?"

"Yeah," he replied, staring at the cleavage created by the bikini. _Hello._ "I'd like to get out now, though."

"Can't you just, you know, burst out?" she asked. Looking over him however, buried under a distinct mountain of sand, faded her expression into a doubtful look. "Yeah, maybe...not..."

Colette began digging out the peaked layer of sand at his chest, frantically pushing it away. "Just...keep trying," she panted. "It didn't seem this hard when we were burying you..."

"That's because you were going slow," Lloyd replied. He began wriggling his shoulders and torso, creating deep cracks in his sand tomb and making even more of it slide off to the sides. "Is Zelos still out in the ocean?"

She whipped her head back, stringy, damp hair flinging everywhere. "He's been wading out there, but I think he's coming back in." she replied. "Try sitting up."

Taking a deep breath, Lloyd hoisted himself upright, bursting out of the sand like a zombie out of a grave. Sand particles still clung to his chest, but he was mostly free, giving him the leverage to release his legs and feet.

"He rises!" Zelos shouted from off shore. He was wearing Lloyd's shirt, although with the sleeves rolled all the way yup to his shoulders, and the bottom of it was pulled up to the neck, turning it into a cropped belly shirt.

"Why are you wearing my shirt?" Lloyd asked as he stood over him.

"I just grabbed it," he said with a wink. He offered him a hand to pull him up. "It looks much sexier on me like this."

"What the fuck, it's just a t-shirt," he groaned, trying to brush the sand off his chest. The stickiness from the sea salt made it stubborn to stay.

"Anything can be sexy depending on who's wearing it~." Zelos leaned over to kiss the side of his neck and breathe right in Lloyd's ear.

He jumped and flinched away, right into Colette, who weaved on one foot. He immediately spun around and clutched her by the waist so she wouldn't fall. "I-I'm okay--!" she stammered, a small flush on her cheeks. "Y-you don't have to catch me so hard."

"I didn't want you to fall," Lloyd replied, loosening his hold and brushing her hair out of her face.

"She was just overwhelmed by your strong, manly arms," Zelos crooned, running a finger down one of them.

"Damn, you are full of it today," he commented, raising an eyebrow. "More than usual."

"I'm having fun, what do you expect?" he said, shrugging. "See, on the rare days when I don't feel like shit, I'm actually tolerable to be around!"

He struck a small pose, but the sentiment still made Lloyd frown. "Hey." Still with an arm around Colette, he took his other hand and gently rubbed his shoulder. "Don't be like that."

"I'm j-just kidding," Zelos replied, his smile fading a little bit. He blinked a few times, then shook his head. "Whatever. Are you going back in? It'll help get the sand off."

"I guess so," Lloyd replied, as Zelos stripped off his shirt. "It'd be the best way, right?"

"Mhm." He stretched, making his lanky figure even taller and thinner. "You need to do me a favor, though."

 _"Please_ not something sexual," Lloyd said immediately.

"What's with all these assumptions?" Zelos pouted, sporting a surprisingly convincing pair of puppy dog eyes. _You bastard._ "No, no, I just need...a piggy back ride."

Colette was suddenly gone from his side, and Zelos had his hands out for him. "Oh, no, oh _shit!"_ he exclaimed, immediately backing up and running toward the beach.

Zelos' legs were longer, and he caught up immediately, hands on his shoulders. _"Piggy back ride!"_ he shouted, hoisting himself up and wrapping his legs around his hips.

 _"Damn it!"_ Lloyd stumbled and staggered, but managed to keep upright, holding Zelos' legs in his arms. _This could be worse, he's really light for someone so tall. Still..._ "Martel, Z!"

His arms hung around his neck, one of them pointing out into the ocean. "Go, my noble steed! To the wild unknown!" He was cackling, and he heard Colette laughing not too far behind, pattering in their wake.

As soon as they reached the water, Lloyd whipped around and began pedaling backwards for as long as he could keep balance. "Whoa, what the _fuck--!"_ Zelos exclaimed, clinging to him for dear life, his fingers digging into Lloyd's collarbone.

"Take _this!"_ Lloyd jerked his back and let go of his hands, the motion strong and in time enough to fling him back into the water, making a huge smack and a splash everywhere.

"You ass!" Zelos was laughing though, splashing a handful of water at him as he waded on his back.

"My turn, my turn!" Colette squealed, readying herself to mount herself on his back.

"Oh, I don't think so--!" Lloyd caught her before she latched on to his shoulders, picked her up by the waist, and tossed her into the sea, narrowly missing where he had left Zelos. He had to roll to dodge her splash.

 _"Eek!"_ She pushed her wet bangs back and stood back up immediately. "Z, let's get him!"

Lloyd took a step back as they grinned at him, bodies dripping and eyes alit with ferocious energy. _Ho boy, am I going to get it--!_

* * *

 

The sun was just beginning to set as they made their way back to the car. All three of them had the telltale signs of sun on their cheeks, but Zelos was probably the most red, his freckles seemed to multiply on his face. "That was a full day, wasn't it?" he said, pulling his wet hair up into a ponytail. "I'm exhausted."

"Me too," Colette agreed, leaning against him and yawning. "I'm going to sleep so good tonight..."

"Will you be okay driving, Z?" Lloyd asked, on his other side. _Martel, you tan really well,_ Zelos thought, eyes scanning over him. _I can tell already, or maybe it's just the light..._

"I'll be fine, I drive half asleep home from work all the time anyway," he replied, sticking his tongue out.

He unlocked the car and slid into the driver's seat, but when he looked beside him, the passenger seat was empty. He craned around to find Lloyd and Colette seated beside each other, holding hands in the back. "Oh, so I get to be your chauffeur?"

"I-if that's...okay?" Colette replied sheepishly. Her head leaned heavy on Lloyd, who had a dreamy, spaced-out expression on his face.

 _Cute._ "I can't stop you," he said. "Just don't get too handsy back there."

She giggled and snuggled more into the crook of his shoulder, while Zelos started up the car. _I wonder sometimes if they ever got to have moments like these before,_ he thought. He backed out of the parking lot and drove out past the rows of limousines, the cool summer wind brushing his face. _As far as I know, they've had a thing for each other forever, right? But I don't think they spent high school football games making out in the bleachers..._

His eyes flickered to the rear view mirror, and he adjusted it so he could see them better than the road behind him. Lloyd kissed the top of her head, and she responded by sitting up, only for them to kiss on the lips, sleepy and tender. _Ah._

The road stretched out before him, and he fingered at the radio, turning it up just enough so he could hear. _I wonder who's in the studio today. I think Emil has the same sort of schedule I do, so it shouldn't be him. Probably one of the regulars, evening rush is prime time, or that's what the manager said._ The DJ was a woman with a smooth voice, and an arpeggiated guitar was playing underneath her. "...traffic over the bridge looks pretty calm today, hope you're having a safe commute home. This song is called 'Work', here on WTLU."

The transition was nearly seamless, the vocals of the song picking up right where she left off:

_"If you only once would let me, only just one time, then be happy with the consequence of whatever's gonna happen tonight..."_

A grunt from the backseat. "I think I've heard this song before," Lloyd said, arms wrapped around Colette. "Turn it up."

Zelos winked at him from the rearview and tweaked the volume knob louder. The two in the backseat giggled at each other before continuing to kiss, relapsing into the slow rhythm they had before. _That was me once,_ he mused. _A lot more has happened in the backseat of this car since then, but they're the best ones to be in the back of it._

He couldn't help the smile spreading to his face as he drove down the road, even humming to the melody of the song. _"Can we take a ride, get out of this place while we still have time?"_ As he cruised, he let one arm hang out the window, catching the breeze as it flew by.

_(it won't last)_

He sighed heavily. _I can't turn my brain off for more than ten seconds, can I?_ His fingers drummed on the wheel. _Just let me have this, let me have this. Let me have a good memory with my wonderful, beautiful partners..._

His eyes wandered to the rearview again--their hands were laced together, still quietly kissing. Zelos marveled at how Lloyd's free hand was cupped at her waist and did not wander up or down, simply caressing the curve that was there. Colette's eyes fluttered open, immediately catching his own in the mirror, and she smiled into Lloyd's mouth.

He snickered and refocused to the road, the sky shades of pinks and reds behind them, fading up into a warm blue. _So this is what it's like to live happily,_ he thought. _Goddess, I just want to hold this day in my hands, put it in a snow globe or something, have it last forever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray! This chapter got _way_ longer than I expected it to be, but this is a beach episode after all. Gotta get all the fun in! I hope this reads all right, this is the first chapter in a while that's taken this long...I'd like to get at least one more done by the end of the year, especially if it's one that's the same length as this. 
> 
> If I recall, our next normal journey is Colette getting sick. Just a cold, don't worry! Stay tuned, and thanks for reading!


	40. Sick Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're up for some NSFW Zelloyd action, this is where [90°F](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4114825) falls in the timeline. Check it out if you're interested!

Lloyd was seated beneath his dresser, pawing through the lowest drawer of his clothes, a cardboard box at his side. _I hate moving,_ he thought. _All it's good for is getting rid of things._ He pulled out the flame shirt he had attempted to wear on his first date with Zelos and sighed. _I don't think either of them will let me wear this again. Into the trash pile it goes._

From across the hall, Colette sneezed three times in a row. "Bless you!" he called.

She sniffled. "Thank you," she croaked, leaning over to the doorway so Lloyd could see her. Her hair was pulled up into a loose ponytail, herself dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. The bottom of her nose was all red, and her eyes were barely watering. "M-must be all of this dust..."

_I never thought it was dusty in here before,_ he thought as she coughed into her arm. "Are you sure you're okay, hon? Maybe you should take a break."

"Yeah, maybe." She rose from her knees and shuffled down the hall, holding her elbows. _Is she cold? I know it's cooler today than it was the other day, but still..._

He decided to follow her out to the kitchen, where Zelos was standing in front of the open fridge, a bag of shredded cheese in one hand. "You're not eating that right out of the bag, are you?" she asked, her consonants muddled by her stuffy nose.

He froze in place. "No," Zelos said with his mouth full.

"Here, if you want lunch just...a-ah..." Her sentence stopped dead in its track as she hesitated, eyes half closed, then sneezed ferociously, the force of it shooing her backwards. "Ugh..."

Zelos brow furrowed and he stuck the cheese back in the fridge, feeling her forehead. "Kitten, you don't look so hot," he said. "All you've been doing is sneezing all day."

_For a guy who is so terrible at taking care of himself, he always seems to pick up when there's something wrong with us,_ Lloyd mused, crossing his arms. "I'm just a l-little sneezy, that's all--!" she insisted, coughing again. "I'm not... _not_ sick...I don't want to catch what Marta had at work..."

"Someone was sick at the shelter?" Lloyd asked. "If that's the case, it might be too late for hoping, especially how you are now..."

Colette groaned and pouted, which would've been cute if she weren't so miserable. "Poor baby," Zelos soothed, hugging her gently. "Just let us take care of you, okay?"

"B-but I have to go in today..." she said, swallowing hard. "Ow...my throat..."

Lloyd stepped in and placed his hands on her shoulders, wheeling her around back toward the hallway. "Call in sick. You need to rest."

She scuffled as he pushed her. "But we have to pack--! _Achoo!"_

"Remember that time when I was coming down with something a few winters ago, and I still went out with Dad to haul wood?" He reached her door and navigated her through the mismash of boxes and knick-knacks to her bed. "And then I couldn't get out of bed for a week? Yeah, that's not happening to you."

"Fine..." Colette sighed, flopping into bed and drawing the covers over her. "I'll rest here."

Lloyd smiled down at her, ruffled her hair, and kissed her forehead. It was hot beneath his lips. "I'm the one who tries to bull through sickness, not you."

"Maybe we're more similar than you think," she replied.

He chuckled and straightened up. _Maybe we are._ "Can I get you anything?" he asked.

"Some tea, maybe?" Her voice caught in her throat, causing her to cough. "There might be some in the back of the cupboard..."

"Sure thing, hon."

Back in the kitchen, Zelos was rummaging through the cupboards. "Tea, tea..." He muttered. "That's what she said she wanted, right? Is it up here?"

"Should be," Lloyd replied.

He pulled the box out, but it fumbled out of his hands and fell onto the floor. "Sh-shit," he mumbled sheepishly, running his hand back through his hair.

Lloyd frowned. _Is he nervous? Worried?_ "I think it's just a head cold or something," he said.

"She was warm," Zelos said. "But she was shivering. That's a fever, and that probably means it's more than just--"

"If it is, we'll take care of it," he interrupted, picking up the box of tea bags on the floor. "If you're that concerned, you should go take her temperature and make sure."

He nodded slowly, tugging back on his hair. "Yeah...sure."

Zelos wandered as if in a trance to the bathroom, as Lloyd watched him while filling up a cup of water. _It's just a bug, it's not like she's going to die,_ he thought, putting it in the microwave. _He gets worked up over the weirdest things..._ He sighed and looked around the living room, barer than usual with boxes here and there, piled with miscellany. _It's a shame she had to get sick before the move, but maybe it'll pass before then. We've still got to figure out what to do with all this furniture..._

The microwave beeped at him, and he opened it before it could finish its alarm, pulling out the piping hot water. He dipped the tea bag in it and poked it down in with a spoon, then carefully carried it into her bedroom. When he got there, he found Zelos staring at the thermometer with a furrowed brow.

"Be careful, it's hot and needs to steep," Lloyd said to her, placing the hot mug on the night stand, steam rising from it. He then turned to Zelos. "Well?"

"100 even," he replied, a hand over his mouth. "That's _definitely_ a fever."

Colette groaned and hid part of her face under the covers. "Can one of you call the shelter and tell them I can't come in? Better be a couple days..."

"Sure," Lloyd said, and reached for her phone on the nightstand at the same Zelos did. Their hands fumbled together, but Zelos ultimately backed off, like he touched something burning. His eyes fell to the floor, and he nodded before rushing out of the room. _No, Z, don't do this now..._ Lloyd sighed. "I'll call."

He flicked open her phone and scrolled through the contacts until he found "Shelter" (he was amused to see his own name near it, with a little text heart beside it) and hit the call button. The line rang twice before it picked up. _"Tethe'alla Humane Society, front desk,"_ the voice answered.

"Hey, is this Marta?" Lloyd asked.

_"Yes!"_ Her voice perked at the recognition.

"This is Lloyd, Colette's boyfriend. She's come down with some bug, and it's not a good idea for her to work today--"

_"Oh, no! She caught what I had, didn't she?"_ Marta lamented. _"Yeah, she should definitely stay home, which is what I should've done. I'll let our manager know. Thanks, Lloyd."_

"Sure thing. Bye, Marta--"

_"Hey, wait a second,"_ she interrupted, a split second before Lloyd could pull the phone away from his ear. _"She_ _told_ me _that she was going out with that red haired guy. Zelos, I think his name was? He was in here--"_

Lloyd covered the speaker with his palm and whispered over to Colette. "You told her about us?"

Colette tilted her head back and forth, continuing to shrink into the bed. "She wouldn't stop asking--!" she whispered back, but it soon turned into a coarse cough. _Ugh. Marta's nosy, and she probably caved and had to say_ something. _This whole polyamory thing can get complicated._

He huffed and returned back to the phone. "Listen, I have to go, I need to get things for Col--"

_"But what's the deal? All three of you can't be--"_

_"Good bye,_ Marta." Lloyd snapped the phone shut. "Goddess damn it..."

"Sorry..." Colette croaked. "She wouldn't leave it alone, especially after Zelos and I walked the dogs together that one time..."

"It's okay," he assured, scratching the back of his neck. "Just know it's going to be _you_ explaining it, now that she kind of knows."

"That's fine," she said. "I figured...it was going to keep being this way. I...still haven't told my parents, yet."

"And I haven't told Dad." Lloyd stared off out the window, the sun fading in and out as clouds passed through. "Kratos already knows, but...that's a whole other thing."

"I guess we'll have to get there when we get there," she said after a pause. "Zelos said it would take time."

"Yeah." _Oh, speaking of which--_ Lloyd looked around; Zelos was nowhere in sight. "I'll be right back."

He wandered around the apartment for any sign of him. _This place is so small,_ he thought, _and yet we still somehow lose each other._ _Where_ _the hell could he be?_ His room was empty, as was the bathroom, the kitchen, the living room. Finally, he found him standing outside on the front porch, staring down at the road below. He was hunched over so that he could rest his chin on his hands, elbows on the railing. "Z, you okay?" Lloyd asked.

"Eh," Zelos grunted. "I don't know." The answer was loaded just from his tone, and his feet shifted. "Just feel like..."

Lloyd waited as he mused. _Like what?_ He thought, but didn't speak, hoping it would allow him to express himself, but disappointment shrouded him when Zelos turned back to him, a faint smirk on his face. "Ah, it's nothing. Just...overreacting, that's all."

_No, no, that's not...ugh, Zelos, don't put up a front, don't bottle this up._ "It's okay to be worried about her. It's not a bad thing," Lloyd said.

"Hell, I know that," he snapped, rolling his eyes. Lloyd was a little taken back by the sudden sharpness in his voice. "You saps fret about me all the time."

"Well, yeah. You give us..." He hesitated, but Zelos clearly could tell what he was already about to say, his eyes lowered. "...r-reason to."

He chuckled dryly. "I'm quite the handful, aren't I?"

_I can't disagree._ "You know, you take better care of _us_ than you do yourself." _You only eat a meal when we bring it up, you don't sleep well, up at all hours even when you don't have the radio show to go to._ His teeth clenched inside his mouth. _Sometimes, when you stare off into space like you do, I wonder if you still--_

"I have to," he said. "You're the best things I've got going for me right now. I just..." He paused again, looking from Lloyd back to the street. "I don't know. Sometimes I just feel like...I'm getting in the way."

Lloyd's heart nearly strangled him. "Wh-what? No, Z, you're--"

At his panic, his eyes widened. "A-ah," he stammered, straightening up and leaning against the railing so he was fully facing him. "I mean, like...shit, I just don't know what to do. I want to take care of her, but then I'm just--I'm just going to fuck it up--"

"No, you're not." He walked over to him and put his hands at his waist. "You're thinking too much about this. She's not _terminally ill,_ it's just a head cold. She'll appreciate whatever you do. S-same goes for me, too. I-if that ever happened, or..." His voice grew soft. "With anything, really."

Lloyd kept his gaze steady as Zelos swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. _I've never been the one to calm people down, but I've been doing a lot of it lately. Usually I'm the one getting fired up about something. Take a deep breath, Z. You're okay._ "Y-yeah, yeah. Thanks." His voice was hesitant. "I'm just...being stupid. I'm overreacting."

_Stop it, stop putting yourself down!_ Reluctantly, he swallowed his exasperation. "Look, why don't you...go to the pharmacy and get some medicine? We don't have much of anything here. It'll be a big help." He sighed. "And you're not stupid. You're okay. I promise."

He blinked, and then let out a breath of air he seemed to be holding onto. "S-sure." He bit his lip. "I'll go...I'll go do that."

Lloyd smiled and kissed his cheek, prompting Zelos to relax further. "You've got this," he said.

He nodded. "I love you, babe."

The warmth from his voice flooded into Lloyd's face, especially when his words were accompanied by Zelos running his hand through his hair. "Love you too," he replied softly.

Zelos smiled wider. "Will you kiss me for good luck?"

"You're just going to the pharmacy," he snorted, even as he drew his face closer.

"So?"

His kiss was soft and lingering, and he gripped Lloyd's back to draw him in, still tense. Lloyd rubbed his back as well, deliberate and slow. _Seems like whenever he panics like this, it's like we've dodged another bullet to something more extreme._

_(will it be enough?)_

_It is for now._

_(someday it won't be)_

Lloyd broke their kiss, and watched a more calm Zelos stroll back into the living room. "Angel, I'm going to the store to get you something to make you feel better~!" he called. _Someday isn't today,_ he concluded to himself. _And I hope that day will never come._

* * *

 

An hour or so later, Lloyd found himself back in his room, rummaging through more of the miscellany that plagued it. Pushing through his closet, more things on the floor of it than hanging up, his toe banged against something hard and heavy. _"Damn it!"_ he cursed, swiping clothes off the top of it. _What the hell...oh right, my guitar. I brought it back from Dad's that one time, didn't I?_

He yanked it out and unsnapped the latches, revealing his well worn acoustic in the plush black fabric of the case. _It's not like we're getting too much more done today, with Colette in bed._ He pulled it out and rested it on his lap, strumming the open strings. _Still in tune, too. Not bad._ Even as his door was open, there was no one in immediate sight to eavesdrop, so he settled back and began absently finger picking chords. _Its been a while since I've just noodled around like this,_ he thought, his vision blurring into soft focus as the earthy sound of his guitar filled the room. _What can I play, what can I play..._

He let his fingers wander the fretboard, playing the chords they wanted to, until a sound he recognized floated through his brain. _Oh yeah, this one. How did it go?_ Its progression came easy enough to him, and the lyrics followed soon after. "Hmm hmm hmm _only see the way she loves me, then maybe you would understand..."_ he began to sing, very quietly, barely sounding out the notes. As he continued to play, however, his confidence built and his voice gradually grew louder. " _Why I feel this way about our love, and what I must do._

_"If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says..."_

"When she says she loves me~."

His voice was joined with another, and his fingers curled abruptly around the strings, wildly off key in his startled state. Zelos was standing in the doorway, leaning against it. "You don't have to stop because of me," he chuckled. "It sounds good."

"Don't jump me like that," Lloyd complained, hugging the guitar closer to his chest. "I-I kinda forget how the rest of it goes, anyway."

_"When you've got your reasons, and you've got your lies,"_ Zelos sang, then cleared his throat, shaking his head. "Fuck, I can't sing."

"You do all the time."

"Yeah, but not _really,"_ he said. "I just pretend to, and not well by a long shot. Like, I'd be the guy in the band who just comes out and screams for half a verse."

Lloyd raised an eyebrow. "What? What the hell do _you_ listen to?"

"You know, I play some of it on the radio--" He inhaled through his teeth. "Never mind. We're not going to be the next underground rock sensation."

Lloyd couldn't help but snicker. "I guess not, huh?" He plucked a few strings, absently strumming. "I never knew you wanted to be in a band."

"Hm? Nah, not really," he said, staring off. "Guess I'd just want the look and the attention. Maybe get some tattoos or something, some more piercings." He tugged at one ear.

The image of Zelos in full sleeves of tattoos and covered in odd piercings made him stutter in his rhythm. "What would you get for a tattoo?" Lloyd asked. _I can't even imagine what he'd come up with..._

"That's the thing. I have no clue." His eyes were distant, and he held his elbows in his hands. "Turns out you can't go into a tattoo parlor and just ask them to surprise you."

He hesitated. _Of course not, why would you? But if you're saying that..._ Zelos caught his eye finally and smirked. _What's with that look?_ "Well, if you didn't know what you wanted, why bother?" Lloyd asked.

Zelos' eyes darted to the floor, an odd calm around him. "Looks better than scars, doesn't it?" he said quietly.

Lloyd's eyes widened, but before he could say anything, a third voice interrupted them. "Lloyd..."

He stopped playing as Colette called from the other room, her nose sounding completely blocked. "Yeah, hon?" he replied.

"I need more tissues..." she sniffled.

"I'll get 'em," Zelos said, pushing himself off the door frame with just his back. "I got a few boxes while I was out."

"A-all right," he replied.

Even as he left, Lloyd found himself rising to his feet, leaning his guitar against the bed and wandering into Colette's room. _Do you suffer for the sake of it, Z? Does some part of you want to feel that pain all the time? I don't...understand it. All I want is for you to be happy._ Colette was in bed, eyes watering and nose dripping, and she smiled weakly at him. _And the same for you, too..._

"Here you go, princess." Zelos was back in a flash with a box of tissues, ripping open the cardboard and handing one over to her.

"Thank you, Z," she said. She blew her nose unceremoniously and chucked the tissue into the wastebasket beside her, already overflowing. "Um, Lloyd, can you...you...a-ahh... _achoo!"_

"Bless you," he murmured. _Poor thing..._

"Can you--bring your guitar here? Will you..." She cleared her throat. "Play for me?"

"Sure, honey." Normally, he would protest, but her worn face and clogged voice easily persuaded him to grab his guitar from his bedroom and plop down at the foot of her bed. "Any requests?" he asked.

"You were playing something e-earlier," she said. She tried to hum, but without any air coming through her nose, she ended up coughing instead. "Y-you know, that thing..."

"The one that I interrupted," Zelos finished for her. He kissed her head, and on his way out, kissed Lloyd's too. "I'm going to go try and cook something."

"Z, I can handle that if you want," Lloyd said, craning his neck back.

"No, no, you're serenading our sick angel. I've got this." He winked before strolling back out to the hallway.

Lloyd sighed and shrugged. "This should be interesting," he said as she giggled, before rearranging his fingers on the fretboard. _It's the chorus of this song that gets me, so I always remember it._ He took a deep breath before he sang:

_"If you could only see the way she loves me, then maybe you would understand,_  
Why I feel this way about our love, and what I must do.  
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says,  
When she says she loves me..."

* * *

 

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Zelos pawed through his collection of bags from his outing. They filled the entire kitchen table, all of them brimming with various groceries and medicines. _I got everything I could think of,_ he thought. _I even bought some movies, and some food--here it is. This is some kind of boxed thing where you add meat, and it turns the whole thing into a meal._ He pulled out a package of hamburg and tossed it up in his hand. _Perfect._

Lloyd's guitar playing echoed through the hallway, distant to his ears. _Ah, why the fuck did I tell him that tattoo thing? I don't need him to be anymore worried than he already is. He already knows I'm a fucking basketcase, he doesn't need anymore proof._ He rummaged through the cupboards and managed to find a saucepan, although pulling it out proved to be more of a challenge than he expected. Other pots and pans collided together with cacophonous clangs before he freed it from the dark cupboard, and slammed it on the stove. _I want to believe I've gotten better, thanks to them--_

_(will this be enough?)_

_I just want to be able to take care of them without screwing things up, that's all I ask for. All I need is for them to be happy._

_(is it enough?)_

He pulled the plastic off the meat and flopped it into the pan, then cranked the heat on high. The purple flame of gas heat spilled around the edge of it, making it sizzle within seconds. _All right, so I just...put in this packet of sauce powder, then some water, milk, and butter? Then add the pasta..._ Zelos stared at the box with a frown as he opened the refrigerator. _This isn't quite as easy as I thought._

He turned back to the cupboard. _Where can I find a measuring cup?_ "Oh, to hell with it," he huffed, grabbing a mug instead and filling it up with water. _Two cups? I guess that's enough..._

Behind him, he could vaguely smell burning on the stove, and when he rushed over to pour the water into the pan, it hissed and frothed at him. "Shit--!" he exclaimed, jumping back. _Fine, I'll just have to add everything else faster._

He didn't bother measuring the milk, just pouring as much as he felt necessary, until the liquid was swirled with white. Flinging it back into the fridge, he scrambled to rip open the powder package, and when the paper finally gave, part of it went into the pan, right on top of the meat that was still raw. _Oh, fucking great._ With two pinched fingers, he plucked it out of the top and threw it backwards onto the floor. _Okay, butter, right?_

Open the fridge back up, take out the butter, find a fork in the back drawer to cut off a chunk. Flash, into the pan. The water and milk mixture was already boiling, getting a slight orange color from the cheese that wasn't quite in. _What am I missing? Oh right, the pasta._

He found it inside the box; another sealed package that opened easier than the last one, thankfully. He sprinkled it all in, then grabbed his fork and finally began to mix it all together. As he turned the meat over, he noticed it was dark brown on the one side that had been in constant contact with the pan. "Ah, shit," he cursed.

"Zelos? Everything okay out there?" Lloyd called down the hall.

"Yeah, it's fine! Everything's under control," he replied, frantically stirring the mix all together. _How many times have I lied that between my teeth?_ He snickered humorlessly to himself. _No, I do feel a little more in control, now. Getting laid on a semi-regular basis helps too, when it's with people who care about you. The kisses, the soft touches. Even without the sexual shit, just...being together. Quiet times._ He paused in his stirring and stared up at the ceiling. _I don't think about dying as much as I used to. That's good._

_(it won't last)_

_Ugh, don't do this._

_(everyone always leaves, no matter how much you think they love you)_

_Don't, don't, don't, they mean it!_ He bit the inside of his cheek and grimaced. _They aren't going to leave me!_ _They think that I'm worth something..._

A head against his back made him jump. "Ack!" he yelped, and spun around, jostling the pan on the stove. His hand immediately went out to grab the handle, and he righted it before he addressed his visitor. "Sweetie, what are you doing out here?"

Colette was wrapped in a blanket cloak, peering around him. "I just wanted to see what you were making," she inquired. "I thought I smelled something burning, too..."

"Just a little, no worries," he replied, returning to his stirring. Miraculously, it was beginning to look more cohesive and less like a pile of raw ingredients mashed together. "The amazing Zelos Wilder has it all taken care of."

She was not convinced. "I don't think you're supposed to have the heat on that high," she said, reaching out for the dial. Her blanket came dangerously close to the open fire, and Zelos gently pushed her hand away as it did. In return, he did turn it down to medium, cutting the flame by half. "And you're supposed to cover it so it simmers--"

"Why don't you go lie down, angel?" Zelos suggested, leaving his fork in the mixture and taking her by the shoulders and guiding her into the living room. "I bought a few things for you--"

"A few?" Lloyd had appeared behind him, gawking at the kitchen table. "Martel, it looks like you bought out the whole store..."

Zelos closed his eyes.

_(nothing you do is right you're trying too hard you're a disaster and no one--)_

"Listen, I'm doing the best I can," he growled, grip tightening on Colette. "Th-this is the only--"

"It's okay," Colette interrupted, coughing into her blanket before whirling around to him with a soft smile. "You're doing a great job, Z."

Her eyes were red and bloodshot, but still glistened blue with sincerity, _the beauty and sincerity that I fell in love with, Goddess you're the sunshine of my life, and I am a lovestruck fucking fool._ Zelos bent down and kissed her lips, chapped from having to breathe through her mouth, tender as he could muster. "Thank you, my love," he murmured.

She covered her mouth with her blanket, suddenly shy. "U-um, you probably shouldn't kiss me too much right now," she said. "You might get sick too..."

"Honey, we live together and sleep in the same bed. It's inevitable." _I don't care if I get sick. I just want you to feel better._ He continued to guide her to the foldout, where he plopped her down and tucked her into her blanket. "Hang tight, let me get a couple more things."

He rushed back into the kitchen, where Lloyd was tending to the food he started, stirring it regularly. "Really, you didn't do too bad," he commented. "It's almost done. If you want to sit with Col, you can. I'll finish up."

"No, let me--" he started, but Lloyd surprised him by putting a finger on his lips. _You're learning all my tricks,_ he thought, amused.

"Really, man, it's fine," he insisted, grinning. _You don't have anything to prove,_ it seemed to say. "Go get whatever you need from your bag of tricks and go."

Zelos nodded, running a hand down his back before his attention returned to the grocery bags. He picked out one, full of DVD cases, and brought the whole thing over to the fold out bed. "Here, I thought we could watch some movies."

"Z, did you buy all these?" she marveled, sifting through the bag. "But you have stuff at your house, you could've just brought those, or rented something--"

"Only the best for my kitten," he said, tapping her reddened nose with his pointer finger. "Pick out whichever one you want."

She giggled and sniffled, gingerly pushing aside the boxes until she came across one with cartoon dogs all over the cover. "Oh, I love this movie! I used to watch it all the time when I was a kid! Lloyd!" She held out the DVD box as far as she could, and Lloyd leaned back from the kitchen to get a glimpse. _I thought she'd like that one._ Zelos thought as she watched her glee. _I looked for all of the dog movies I could possibly find..._

"Oh Goddess, that's the _only_ movie you'd pick when Raine babysat us," he teased. "I think she hid it after a while..."

"I want to see it again! It's so cute!" She began to bounce on the mattress, waving it at Zelos.

_Easy there, honey._ He grabbed it out of her hands and stole a kiss on her cheek as he did so. "All right, I'll put it on. Just turn on the TV."

She reached for the remote and settled in while Zelos crawled over to their DVD player and opened the DVD tray. It rattled and whined as it slid out, and he had to force it to go back into the machine. _One of the many reasons they're moving into my place--so they can have some nice stuff for once, instead of a bunch of hand-me-downs. I don't care if we take the all the furniture and shit to the dump, honestly..._

As the menu displayed on the TV screen, he hopped back up onto the bed and snuggled next to Colette. "You know the beginning part, where the dog comments on how dogs look like their humans?" she said as the opening credits rolled.

"Yeah?" Zelos said. _I have no idea. The style looks kind of familiar, but I don't actually remember this if I've seen it..._

"I always thought it was funny, because Noishe seems so out of place when you compare him to Dirk or Lloyd." She leaned her head on his shoulder, still sniffling. "Like, Dirk is really stocky and heavy, and Lloyd is leaner, but still all strong built, but then you have Noishe, who's all lanky and skinny, with the big long snout and everything..."

"Maybe it's not so true then," Zelos replied, just loud enough for their close proximity. "Have you taken any medicine, yet?"

"Oh, no, I haven't," she said. "Lloyd?"

"Hm?" He was still in the kitchen, among the clanking of dishes.

"Can you get me, um...medi...cine?" She faltered in the middle, turning back to Zelos. "I don't know what you bought me."

"A little bit of everything," he said, winking. _Or, at least everything in the cold and flu aisle._

Lloyd returned with a glass of water and a couple boxes tucked under his arm--one green, one orange. "How much sleep did you get last night?" he asked.

"Eh..." She wiggled her hand under the blanket. "A little?"

"Then take this one." He opened the green box and popped out two, translucent gel capsules and placed them gently in her outstretched palm. "You'll be able to rest up with these."

"Thanks," she said, taking them with the full glass of water. After she swallowed, she made a face. "Yuck, I hate taking pills..."

"You get used to it," Zelos reassured her, then addressed Lloyd. "How's the food, babe?"

"It has to cool, unless you want to burn your tongue off," he replied. "I'll dish it out when it's ready."

"I know what else you can dish out~," Zelos quipped, raising his eyebrows. _They leave me wide open, every time. And I get away with it._

Lloyd rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

"So, maybe later?"

_"Maybe._ J-just...watch the movie."

Zelos smiled to himself as Lloyd walked away, watching his ass as it disappeared around the corner. _He's easier to seduce than she is, or he's just ready to go more often. Like that time in the kitchen. That took all of ten seconds to get him hot and ready. For Colette, I need to catch her in the mood, or take longer to warm her up, ease her in._ He forced himself to focus on the TV in front of him in order to keep any latent arousal in check. _I like the contrast between them. It keeps me on my toes._

_They're different, but similar, and not just with sex. They share so much, but it's not as if you can't tell them apart._

_And I'm the most different of us three._

_Ah..._

He sighed and let the colorful animation on the TV wash over him, as Colette became less sniffly and leaned on him more heavily. _Is it good? Is it bad? Maybe not, if they keep me around. Maybe not, if they say they love me._

The thought brought warmth to his chest.

* * *

 

Lloyd balanced two heaping bowls of hamburg and cheesy noodles in his hands as he waltzed into the living room. "Okay, I think it's--"

Before he could finish, he spotted his two datefriends, leaning against each other, both fast asleep. Colette was still bundled in her blanket, and her hair seemed to be interwoven into Zelos' long locks. The movie was still going in the background, oblivious to its lack of audience. He tilted his head to the side and smirked. "Maybe later, then," he said to himself, turning back to the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summer colds are the worst. For some clarification--Lloyd sings "If You Could Only See" by Tonic, Zelos is trying to make Hamburger Helper, and they're watching 101 Dalmatians for a movie. I always get iffy about naming things like that, because I chose to keep using the religion mythos of their world. So, sometimes incorporating things by name from a true real world modern setting feels a little weird? I don't know, maybe it's just me. I mean, I did name video game consoles by name, and Sheena is Japanese for all intents and purposes, so I clearly go back and forth on this. I don't _think_ it bothers anyone. I hope not, anyway!
> 
> It's an important lesson that depression/mental illness doesn't get cured by someone loving you. This will keep coming back in the future...
> 
> Next chapter: MOVING DAY!


	41. Moving Day

"Careful, hon," Lloyd warned Colette. They were inching their way out of his bedroom with his mattress, through the hallway and into the living room. Gone were all of the accessories that made the apartment feel like a home, as everything was stripped and boxed away, right down to trinkets and silverware. Walls were blank, curtains had disappeared, allowing the windows to reveal maximum light into the hollow room. "Here, just lean it up against the couch."

They eased it down, Colette sliding her fingers out from the bottom just in time before the mattress hit the floor. "That should be almost everything," she said, huffing a little. She glanced around her once before her eye caught out the window. "Oh, that looks like Z with the moving truck."

A large truck was parked on the side of the road, and there was no mistaking Zelos climbing out of the passenger seat. Lloyd rushed to the front porch, door propped open and leaned over the ledge. "Yo!" he called out to him.

Zelos gave him a one handed salute. "I still don't know why we didn't just hire someone," he said, hopping up the stairs. "It would've made things a lot easier..."

"Hey, it's not so bad," Lloyd replied. "A little heavy lifting never hurt anyone."

"Easy for you to say." Zelos ran a finger down along one of Lloyd's arms, causing him to shiver. "So, where's Sheena and what's-his-face?"

"Genis," Lloyd corrected. "Want to give 'em a call, Colette?"

She had meandered into the doorway to eavesdrop, and perked up at her name. "Oh, sure!" She reached to her pocket and scrolled to dial. She spun around on one toe as the phone rang, and stopped mid-turn when she heard a response. "Hey! Where are you guys?" she asked. Lloyd felt Zelos behind him, arms around his waist, and he leaned back in. _It's a little sad to be leaving here,_ he thought, his hair draping around his shoulders. _But, it means that it'll be easier for all of us to be together. We'll already be home._

"Oh, you're already here?" Colette pushed the boys out of the way to head to the edge of the railing. "Ah, I see you!" She snapped the phone shut and shoved it back into her pocket before waving frantically at Sheena's car rolling down the street toward them. At the sight of it, Zelos jerked back away from Lloyd, choosing to stand on the other side of him. _He gets standoffish at the weirdest times,_ he thought as he watched Genis and Sheena get out of the car. _Then again, Genis doesn't know yet..._

"The moving crew is here!" Sheena announced, waving to them. She was wearing shorts and a t-shirt, simple attire, but Lloyd couldn't help but notice her chest was flatter than usual. Much flatter, in fact. _It'd probably be rude to mention it, wouldn't it? Besides--_

As they crossed the street, the trio went down to meet them, Zelos first on the ground. "Well, well, it looks like you've got the girls reigned in pretty tight today," he commented, pointing right at her chest. Lloyd rolled his eyes. _Yup. Saw that coming._

"If you've got anything else to say about it, you better say goodbye to fathering any kids," she replied, scowling.

"Wasn't really planning on it," he retorted, a smarmy look on his face, but reeled it in as Sheena pounded her fists together. "But, I'll resist."

"Besides, we're going to be doing a lot of lifting, and I don't want them to get in the way," she elaborated. Something about her tone seemed rehearsed, and she crossed her arms immediately. _Don't say anything smart, Z,_ Lloyd prayed inside his head, and was relieved when he only nodded, taking a half step back.

"Anyway," Genis said, rolling his neck on his shoulders to crack it. "What's the plan? I see we've got a truck..."

"Yeah! We're not going to need a lot of the furniture here, so we can pack it all into the moving truck," Colette jumped in. "Anything that's in boxes goes in the back of Lloyd's truck."

"Where are you taking all of that furniture? To the dump?" Genis asked, scratching the back of his head.

"No, no, there's a Goodwill donation place over by Sybak," Colette explained. "They'll take just about everything, I called earlier this week and checked."

"Well, let's get started," Lloyd said, clapping his hands together. "The sooner we get started, the sooner we can get done. We can order pizza over at Z's once we're done, my treat."

"I got it covered," Zelos said, grazing a hand briefly over the small of his back. The sentence seemed held back in some way, despite his touch.

"No, no, it's fine," Lloyd said. "Let me treat you for once."

Zelos smirked. "You always treat me~."

"Yeah, yeah," Lloyd snickered, jabbing him before heading back into the house. "All right, let's do the big stuff first. Genis, you and me."

"Right on." Genis followed right behind him, and Lloyd became aware of his height. _When we were growing up, he was always tiny. Right after we graduated, though, he had some growth spurt, and now he's taller than me. That's not too hard, and he's not nearly as tall as Z, but it's still a little jarring sometimes._

He started with the mattress and got on the far side. "Ready?" he asked.

"Yup," he replied. They lifted the mattress in one go with ease and headed back out the door, Genis walking backwards with remarkable fluidity.

"Be careful on the stairs," Lloyd advised as they stopped to make a turn.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he replied. "Really, this is nothing."

On the top of the stairs, Lloyd could hear Sheena and Zelos bickering. "I thought you would've _loved_ to just sit back while we do all the hard work," Sheena remarked.

"But I can't wear you ladies out," Zelos replied. "Not like _this,_ anyway-- _ouch!"_

"Will you can it for once?! Holy _shit!"_

Lloyd chuckled to himself as they stepped up to load the mattress into the moving truck. "Honestly, I don't know how you can stand that guy," Genis remarked.

"Z's not so bad, once you get to know him," Lloyd said. "He takes some getting used to, that's all." He bit back a grin rising to his lips.

Genis raised an eyebrow. "I guess," he replied. "So, why are you all moving in together, anyway? You guys aren't done college yet, and this place is so close."

"W-well, we wanted to save a little money, that's all," he said. _Why am I making excuses?_ he thought, staring down at the ground as he hopped from the truck. _And why does it feel so instinctual? Yeah, that's one of the reasons, but it's not_ the _reason we're moving in together._

They passed Sheena and Zelos moving the second mattress down the stairs. "Easy, you're going too fast," Zelos said, stumbling backwards down the stairs trying to hold his balance.

"Well, you're holding it too high!" Sheena retorted, adjusting her grip. "It's not my fault you're so fucking tall--!"

"Can't help good genes, honey," he replied, winking as he slid around Genis and Lloyd. Sheena only groaned in response.

"You're getting rid of both beds?" Genis asked. "What, does he really have all the furniture you need over there?"

"Yeah." Lloyd went for the couch next, choosing not to elaborate. _He's always been the type to ask a ton of questions, but it feels so much more...prying this time around._

They lifted it in silence, maneuvering it around the same way, down the stairs, across the small yard, and into the moving truck. As they were coming back, they passed Colette taking two chairs by herself down to the truck. "Got it okay?" he asked her.

"Mmhmm!" she replied cheerily. "I have to do what I can, too!"

"Well, don't push yourself too much. You just recovered from that cold you had," Lloyd reminded her.

"I'm fine, really!" Colette insisted, even as she stutter stepped on the way over to the truck.

Genis snickered as they reentered the house. "So, does this mean you guys will help me out when I move into my dorm in the fall?" he said.

"Yeah, that's right!" They lifted the fold out couch together, and it threatened to fold out in their arms. "Of course we will. You got it?" Lloyd held himself steady, but Genis seemed less stable, wobbling it in his arms.

"I got it." He began to move backwards, around and out the hallway. "You know...I was kind of bummed that you guys didn't come to my graduation. It was really quiet."

"Ah..." _Shit, I forgot all about that._ "Sorry we couldn't make it. There's been...a lot going on with us lately." Lloyd felt the weight of the fold out lob in his arms.

"Sure." Genis' distance was palpable in his voice, as they loaded the couch in the back of the truck and walked out in silence. _Damn it,_ Lloyd thought, trying to drown the discomforting quiet with his own head. _We haven't been as close as we used to be, not since Col and I moved out of Iselia. But still, it sounds like something_

_("Congrats, guys!"_

_"Thanks!" In their black robes, they bear hugged him on the yard below the schoolhouse, Raine watching from the back. "We did it!" Colette cheered._

_"I'm going to miss you, you know," Genis said, crossing his arms. "You'll be back around, right?"_

_"Of course we will! We're not going that far, anyway. TU's only an...hour away?" Colette sounded less than sure. "I-It'll be fine!"_

_"Yeah, it'll be like we never left," Lloyd added, arm around Genis' shoulder. "Soon enough, we'll be seeing you in this graduation gown too." He took of his cap and playfully plunked it on top of his head...)_

_we'd promise him we'd do._

"H-hey," Lloyd said, clearing the air and his throat. "We'll make it up to you. Promise."

Genis glanced over to him, gray eyes clouded. "Yeah?"

"Really man, I mean it." Colette passed by them, and Lloyd tugged on the back of her shirt to stop her in her tracks. "Hey hon, we forgot about Genis' graduation."

She whirled around, her mouth in a round o-shape. "Oh, no! I totally forgot too!" She rushed over to him and hugged him fiercely, causing all the wind to fly out of his chest in a single "oof". "Where did you get accepted for college?"

"Meltokio U," he replied proudly, after he was released. "I got into their chemical engineering program--"

"Hey, not bad," Zelos said, carrying a dresser with Sheena on the other end. "It's pretty intense given what I've heard. I banged a girl who was in it, and she--"

"Stop it! I bet you screwed a girl for every major!" Sheena shouted, trying to yell over top of the dresser.

"I wish," Zelos replied, sticking his tongue out before pushing them out the door.

Although Genis was making a face watching Zelos disappear, Colette was completely unfazed. "Anyway, congratulations! We'll totally make it up to you!" she chirped, then clung onto Lloyd's arm. "We should throw a party before you go!"

"You would?" Genis said, brightening up. "Gee, thanks a lot."

"You deserve it!" Colette affirmed. _I don't know how you do it,_ Lloyd marveled as she scanned the living room. _How do you always manage to turn an uncomfortable situation around like this?_ "Oh, honey, are we taking all of the kitchen stuff?"

"It's all packed, so yeah," he replied. "Z sure doesn't have anything to cook with."

"That's right. I'll take it out," she said, kissing his cheek before darting off to the kitchen, taking a box and rushing back out the door. _She's so cute..._

Genis elbowed his middle. "'Honey', huh?" he teased. "Never heard you two talk like that before."

"Y-yeah, well..." _He hides it better than most, but since we grew up together, he got kind of swept up in Col and I's "will they or won't they" game we've been playing forever._ He hesitated, pretending to look around for the next thing to take out. _Telling him about the two of us won't be bad, will it? That's the easy part, anyway. Might as well._ "We, uh...we finally got together."

"About time," Genis replied, flashing a toothy grin. "You guys are good together, I'm glad."

"Thanks." Lloyd couldn't suppress the smile that rose to his face, and the warmth that filled it as well.

"Damn, look at you. You're totally love-struck," Genis exclaimed, trying to poke at him.

Lloyd swatted him away. "Dude, cut it out, we've got to finish up here."

With the five of them lifting, it seemed to take less time than he expected--soon, all that was left were the dust bunnies floating in the corners of the rooms. Colette took charge sweeping them all up, and the entire apartment felt like a hollow husk of its former state. Lloyd walked through the halls, retracing his steps, checking for any remaining accessories that could have been misplaced. "I think...that's everything," he said, his voice traveling down the hallway.

"You guys kept it pretty clean," Sheena remarked. "That makes it easier on everyone."

They gathered in the living room, Zelos finally deciding to tie his hair up, his headband pushing his makeshift bangs out of his face. "So, now what?" he asked.

"We're going to have to split up to take everything where it needs to go," Lloyd said. "My truck can fit three to go over to Z's. How many can the moving truck fit?"

"Two," Zelos replied. "I'll drive it, since I have to to pick up my car when we drop off the truck."

"And I need to take my car over to Zelos' too," Sheena added. "So, I guess it depends on what Genis and Colette want to do, and who to drive with."

"I'm going to need some help unloading this stuff at the Goodwill place," Zelos said. "Hell, I don't even know where it is."

"I'll go with you," Colette affirmed, walking over to his side. "I can give directions."

"Will you be okay with lifting?" Lloyd asked.

"I'm strong! I can do it!" Colette exclaimed, trying to show off her muscles in a pose.

Zelos barked with laughter and eased her arms down. "You want to be careful with that gun show, my tough little angel," he said, smoothing down her hair with his hand.

"Genis, do you want to ride with me or Lloyd?" Sheena asked.

"I'll go with Lloyd," he replied immediately. "I still want to catch up."

"That's settled, then." Sheena twirled her keys on one finger. "Let's get going, then, and we'll all meet at the Zelos' place. I'll follow you over, Lloyd."

"Sounds great," Lloyd said. He opened the door for everyone to go on through, just to get one last look at the apartment before they left. _This really is...the beginning of something new. A new era, you could say. And once we drop off our keys, we'll probably never come back here._

"Yo, Lloyd! You coming?" Zelos asked from below the railing.

He whirled around, hunting for the keys to his truck in his pockets. "Be right there!" he called back.

_____________________________________________________

It took Colette a couple tries to hop into the moving truck with Zelos, and he watched in amusement as she struggled. "Ugh, these things are so tall," she commented, slamming the door shut before buckling herself in.

"Mmm," Zelos replied, twisting his hand along the steering wheel. "Colette?"

"Yeah?"

He sighed briskly. "Do you..." His eyes were fixated on the dashboard, searching for the words to say as his knuckles showed white through his skin. "I'm not really...like, as...as awful as I seem, am I?" His head slowly tilted. "Am I really just an arrogant playboy...?"

"No," Colette said, her voice firm, and she reached for the hand that was resting by his side. "No, you're not." Her brow crinkled. "Is this about Sheena? I heard you guys--"

He shook his head, then seemed to reconsider. "Yes and no. I mean...she's feisty, it's fun to get on her nerves like that. But..." Zelos chuckled to himself. "I guess I don't know my own boundaries, huh?"

"Aw, Z..." She snuck her thumb around his hand and rubbed the inside of his palm. "I don't think she _really_ means some of the things she says. If she really didn't like you, I don't think she would've helped us today, or come over the night of the ball."

"I know I'm not her favorite person, and that's all right," Zelos said. "Can't...please everyone."

She leaned over as far as she could, withdrawing her hand from his to touch his face. He flinched, just slightly, at the contact. "I love you," she said softly.

With some hesitation, his lips curled up into a thin smile, and he tilted his head to kiss her hand, gentle against her palm. "I love you too, sweetheart," he replied.

He rolled his shoulders back, and his eyes drifted out the driver's side window, where Sheena was just driving off, and Lloyd was starting the car. "We'd better get going," he muttered, abruptly throwing the truck in gear. "Shouldn't get too cozy here."

"Huh? What do you mean?" she asked.

As he slowly backed into the street, he caught Genis' eye, staring at them out of the back window of Lloyd's truck. "Just a feeling," Zelos replied.

_______________________________________________________

Lloyd cracked the window as soon as they were on the road at a coasting pace. "You might want to open the window a bit," he said. "AC in this truck isn't great, and I don't want to push it."

Genis replied by opening his window all the way, letting his arm lean out the side. "When are you going to retire this thing? You've had it since you were sixteen, and it was old then."

"When it finally dies and can't start up anymore," Lloyd answered. "I think it has a year or so left on it? Maybe?"

Genis snickered. "Yeah, tell that to the rust all over the fender."

As Lloyd shifted, the whole truck jerked, and he had to wiggle the shifter in order it to latch onto the gear. "Well, Zelos said he wanted to buy me a new one, so it won't be too hard on us. Surprised he hasn't done it already..."

He was met with silence from Genis as he trailed off, pointedly looking out the window. _Weird._ He glanced over into his side mirrors, since the rear view was almost completely blocked with boxes--Sheena was still following close behind him. They crossed the bridge, only the sound of the wind rushing in accompanying their ride, and Lloyd found himself poking at the radio. It was low and full of static, but better than the silence. "So--"

"I don't get it," Genis interrupted abruptly.

"Wh...what?" Lloyd tried his best to focus on the road.

"I don't get why you want to hang out with him," he said. "I don't trust him. He seems like a jerk."

"Wh-why's that?" _What the hell is this all about? We're moving in together, so it's obvious that I like him, so why is he...doing this?_

"You probably didn't see," Genis began. "But I saw when Zelos was in the truck with Colette. They looked a little _too_ friendly. He was all over her."

_Oh, shit._ "W-well, he's just like that with anyone, he's a hands-on kind of guy."

"No, no, you don't get it." Genis rolled his eyes. "Like, I saw him kiss her hand. They were both giving each other that same lovey-dovey look." He huffed, and Lloyd felt his stare on him even as his eyes were on the road. "He's trying to steal her away from you."

He grit his teeth. "That's not how it is," Lloyd growled. "What makes you think _you_ know him better than I do?" _How many times have you seen him? Like, three, maybe? What's gotten into you?_

"Maybe because he pays for all your crap, that's why you let it slide," Genis retorted. "But he's _sleezy,_ he's _playing_ both of you! Martel, maybe he'll sneak up behind you someday and--"

"That's _enough!"_ Lloyd shouted. They were reaching Zelos' apartment building, and he hastily spun into the guest parking lot, jamming the truck in park and ripping the key out of the ignition. "You have no fucking right to talk about him like that!"

Genis' eyes were flaming, but the rest of his disposition seemed rather composed. _He thinks he's right. I've seen him do this before, but not really against me, not like this..._ "Normally, you'd be _on_ someone who looked at her the wrong way." he said. "I just don't get why you trust an asshole like him."

"Get out," he growled. "Get out of my truck."

"What are you hiding?" Genis asked, unbuckling his seatbelt. "If you know he's doing this, why are you so protective? Why are you moving in with him? If I knew any better, I'd say that you'd--" He stopped himself, opening the door of the truck. The words seem stuck in his throat, but Lloyd could almost anticipate them before they came out. "That you'd gotten some kind of weird crush on him."

He shut the door, and Lloyd walked around the truck to follow him. "All right, you want to know the truth?" he said, the back of his neck still prickling with anger. Genis crossed his arms, looking down at him with--was it condescending?--eyes. "Colette, Zelos, and I...we're _all_ dating."

The words hung in the air, floating as Lloyd's heartbeat intensified in his chest. He could hear the idle of another car, but chose to ignore it. "What?" Genis said, tilting his head. "What do you mean, you're 'all dating'? Are _both_ of you going out with Colette?"

"No, all three of us." Lloyd suddenly felt short of breath. "We're...not sets of pairs. We're three. A, uh..." _Shit, what was it that Zelos called it?_ "A poly trio."

Genis' chest jerked, and he seemed to be holding back some kind of laughter. "That doesn't make any sense," he said plainly, a hand on his hips. "Sounds like some bullshit Zelos talked you into."

"What? No!" Lloyd barked. "He didn't have to...talk us into any of this. We were already on the same page when we got together." The image of Colette's tear-stained, but soft, smiling face; and Zelos' hopeful relief blurred in his head. "We all _wanted_ to do this."

"Well, it can't last like this, can it?" Genis remarked. "I mean, you can't all get married and raise kids together. It doesn't work like that."

"Says who?"

"Says _everyone."_ Genis clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "Bet the sex is something else. I never thought _you'd_ be gay, though."

The air about his tone, the superiority and his unwavering eyes, made Lloyd grip his hands into fists. "I-it doesn't work like that--" he said through clenched teeth.

"Hey, hey, what's going on, here?" Sheena bounded over from her car, standing between them. Genis took a step back, while Lloyd stood his ground. _Oh, thank God. I don't know if I could get through this by myself._ "Guys?"

"Do _you_ know?" Genis asked her.

She raised an eyebrow. "Know what?"

"That Lloyd's in some kind of...three-way relationship?" The words seemed to fall out of his mouth and splat in the air, like discarded gum or a bad taste. "Doesn't that seem kind of weird to you?"

Sheena slowly raised her head, taking a half step closer to Lloyd. "Sure, it's _unusual_ , but it's not hurting anyone," she replied. "What's the big deal?"

Genis' resolve wavered, but only slightly. "I-I just don't get it. Was Colette just not good enough for you?"

"No, that's not it!" Lloyd snapped. "I've been...in love with Colette for a long time, and she's...she's perfect." His voice shuddered at the last line. "But I--"

"But, what? You can't commit to just one person?" he mocked. "I still think Zelos talked you into this. I mean, I'm not one of those crazy 'gays should go to hell' people, but I still think it's kinda out of left field that you're suddenly with a guy now."

"So, what?" Sheena interjected. "LGBT people are still _people,_ you don't try to pin down stereotypes to figure out if someone's gay or not, if that were even the case."

"It just doesn't seem right!" Genis exclaimed. "Look, do you want Zelos...physically, too?"

"Why do you care about my sex life now?" Lloyd remarked, trying to lurch forward, but Sheena held him back, with simply a hand on his back. "I didn't know you were so fucking righteous all of a sudden--"

"I'm not righteous!" He was starting to shout. "Look, I've known you most of my life, and I know what to expect out of you--"

_"Shut up!"_ Lloyd yelled, and Sheena had to make a more direct effort to hold him back, taking him by the arm. "What makes you think you know me--or anyone else--better than I know myself?!"

"Easy..." Sheena muttered, looking around, presumably for any sign of Zelos' car, and anyone trying to eavesdrop on the argument.

"We are _all_ happy together, okay?" Lloyd fumed, to a Genis who was trying to escape back. "This is the happiest...probably that I've ever been. I know she's happy too. And so is he. Damn it, I didn't think this was possible either, but we're _making it work."_ He took a couple of deep breaths, his honey brown eyes boring directly into Genis' cool gray. "And if you're my friend...shouldn't you be happy too?"

Genis opened and closed his mouth like a fish, unable to make a coherent sound. "I...I..."

"Well?" The lack of response caused Lloyd's heart to sink. _Genis...what happened? I can't imagine Raine would've made a big deal. She seemed curious when we were at the ball, but not...judgmental. Nothing like this._ "Shouldn't you?"

"I just..." Genis was still floundering, looking between Sheena and him. "I don't...I just don't get it. I'm...I'm sorry."

Lloyd's shoulders dropped, and Sheena's grip on him loosened, instead reverting to rubbing his back. "I mean..." _What is there to "get"? It's like any other relationship, except we're three instead of two. We're all on the same page, no one's going behind the other's back, and we all love and care about each other. Isn't that what being with someone is all about?_

_And yet..._

"S-Sheena?" Genis asked, hands shoved in his pockets and not making eye contact with either of them. "Will you take me home?"

"No," she said with a sigh. "I can't, it's too far out to drop you off in Iselia and still come back to help." She turned her head to Lloyd with a thin smile, simple reassurance. "And I'm going to stay."

"A-all right, I guess..." Genis fidgeted, scuffing his sneakers against the asphalt. "Ah, well...it's--it's just this...the stuff in here, right?" He wandered to the back of the truck and opened the tailgate. "I'll...y-yeah. Sure, I guess I'll help..."

He grabbed a box and headed to the front of the building, leaving Sheena and Lloyd alone for a moment. "Are you okay?" Sheena asked. "I don't know what the hell's gotten into him..."

"Yeah, I'm...I'm fine." Lloyd shook his head. "Let's just...get this over with. We'll talk later."

"Okay." Sheena patted him on the back, then grabbed a box for herself out of the back of the truck. "I'm here for you if you need anything, okay?"

_Sheena._ He bit his lip, and managed a thin lipped smile. "Thanks," he said, ungluing himself from the ground to walk to the tailgate.

Boxes in hand, they made their way to the front entrance where Genis waited in silence, staring down at the cardboard he was carrying. "Th-this is some fancy place," Sheena commented, trying to make conversation in the fallout.

"Yeah, it's pretty nice," Lloyd replied, twisting his key in the door. Alicia was waiting at the front desk as usual, this time talking to a short woman with her hair in a long, pink ponytail. He nodded to her, but she immediately stopped to address him.

"Hi there!" she greeted. "Move in day?"

"That's right," he replied, as cheerily as he could. As the other woman turned toward him, however, he did a double take. "Wait, P-Professor Combatir?"

She turned toward him, studying his face, before low recognition dawned on her. "Ah, you're in my Forestry 101," she commented. "Alicia is my sister."

"Wow, small world," he said. "W-well, we'll catch up later, we've got a lot of moving to do. Good to see you!"

She smiled faintly before resuming her quiet conversation with Alicia, and the group moved to the elevator. "She's so tiny," Sheena marveled to Lloyd. "And she does forestry?"

"She is really strong, don't let her smallness fool you," he said. "She does the same kind of work my dad does, all by hand."

"Wow."

Silence resumed its hold on them as the elevator dinged, and the three of them shuffled their boxes in, making it a tight fit for the three of them. The quiet as they rose to the seventh floor gave Lloyd time to think. _I hope...they get here soon. I can't stand this awkward silence between us all. The fact of the matter is that Genis doesn't get why we all can date, and it..._

_It really hurts..._

The elevator pinged once again, and the doors slid open, Genis being the first out the door. He initially went to the opposite side, until he spotted both Sheena and Lloyd going the other direction, and he dutifully followed suit. Lloyd unlocked the door to Zelos' apartment ( _It's not just his, it's ours now,_ he thought), pushing it wide open so that they all could get through. "J-just set stuff down in the living room, we'll organize it later," Lloyd directed, whirling past Genis without giving him any attention.

The ride back down was the same, but when they exited the building, Lloyd spotted Zelos' red hot rod parked right beside Sheena's. Him and Colette were just getting out, the latter stretching her arms high above her head. "Hey! How'd you make out?" Sheena called to them, picking up her pace.

"It was good! We got some help moving stuff into their storage bay," Colette said, bouncing on her toes. "So, we're just loading everything from the truck upstairs?"

As Zelos followed behind her, Lloyd spotted Genis with his eyes lowered over to him. _Oh, no. Genis, don't._ Zelos seemed to sense his hostility, as he kept his distance behind Colette, but Genis wasn't backing down. Fists at his sides, he bumped into Colette on his determined beeline to him. "G-Genis?" she said tentatively.

When Genis reached him, Zelos crossed his arms. "What is it?" he said, low.

"You..." he started, fuming more and more the longer he looked at him. "You _piece of shit!"_

With one swift movement, Genis lunged at Zelos and punched him square in the face. His lanky arms didn't seem to have much power, but Zelos stumbled back regardless, holding the right side of his face. "What the fuck?!" he exclaimed.

_"Hey!"_ Lloyd barked, rushing over to Genis and grabbing him by his shoulders, gripping hard enough to feel his fingers digging into his skin beneath his shirt. "Don't you dare hurt him like that!"

"Lloyd, _don't!"_ Colette cried, as her and Sheena were right at his side. "What's going on? What happened?"

"You think you can have it all, don't you?!" Genis growled, struggling to break free from Lloyd's grip. Thanks to Sheena tugging him back, he did, and Genis quickly resumed his attention to Zelos. "This is all _your_ fault, you fucking homewrecker!"

"Stop it!" Colette said, standing between Zelos and Genis, holding her arms out. "If you have a problem with Zelos, then y-you have to go through me first." Her bravado was thin, but her deep eyes were determined.

"Angel..." Zelos said softly, his eyes wide and watery.

"He's sucked you in too, huh?" Genis remarked, crossing his arms. "Martel, I just don't get it. You're okay with this jerk fucking your so-called boyfriend?"

Flabbergasted, her face crumpled as she backed further into Zelos, occasionally glancing back to Lloyd for help. "Listen, bud," Zelos muttered. "If you've got a problem with me, that's one thing, but if you're going to bring them into this?" His eyes grew dark, as his tone filled with venom. "Then you can fuck right off."

"Damn it--!" Genis tried to rush at him again, but Lloyd stopped him, grabbing him by the back collar of his shirt. "Let me _go!"_

Instead, Lloyd whipped him around and slammed him into the side of his truck. "Don't you dare hurt them," he whispered through clenched teeth. His heart raced as the anger clouded his vision, surged adrenaline through his brain. "I swear to the Goddess herself--"

"That's _enough,_ Lloyd." Sheena's hand was on his shoulder, and she pushed him away without another word, glaring straight at Genis. "Get in my car."

The venom had leeched out of him, as it was replaced with surprise. "Wh-what? I thought you said--"

_"Just get in my car,"_ she growled, pointing to her humble sedan. The lights flashed on it to signify it was unlocked, the car remote in her hands. Her voice had a sharpness to it that was hard to tune out, combined with her broadened shoulders and firm stance. _"Now."_

With one last look at the group behind him, he shuffled to her car and got inside, slamming the door behind him. As soon as he was settled, Sheena clicked a button on the remote, and the horn sounded once, along with the shutter sound of the locks going off. She let out a heavy sigh. "I'm...really sorry."

"It's not your fault, Sheena," Lloyd said, running a hand through his hair. "Look, I can get you some gas money for your trouble, we can take care of the rest of it from here--"

"No, no, don't worry about that," she replied, and suddenly embraced him in a clumsy hug. He returned it, a mixed wave of emotion like a heavy blanket draping over his shoulders. "I didn't think this would turn out to be a mess like this."

Colette and Zelos walked over to them, hand in hand, her with a troubled look. "That...that was terrible!" she said, unable to take her eyes off Genis' still figure inside the car. "I've never seen him react like that before..."

"I think it's just because we've shared the same beliefs for so long," Lloyd said. "There's nothing we've really disagreed about. Think about how he gets with stuff he doesn't like."

Colette bit her lip. "I-I guess...I just...I've never...seen that side of him before..."

"I saw it coming," Zelos said, staring at the ground, still rubbing his cheek. "That kid never liked me. He still thinks I'm some kind of intruder." He shook his head, chuckling humorlessly. "Fuck it, I-I probably am..."

"No, Z," Lloyd said, approaching him and putting an arm around his waist. "You're not. We're all together because of you, and I wouldn't want it any other way."

He smiled weakly, and attempted to blink away tears that were clearly coming to surface. "Sucks, doesn't it? When people you thought you could trust turn on you like that, huh?"

"Y-yeah..." It was Lloyd's turn to look back at Genis. "We've been...friends since we were kids, with no real issues." He came back to look between the three of them. "Do you think...this is the end of our friendship?"

Zelos wouldn't meet his eyes, and neither could Colette. Turning to Sheena only gave him a sympathizing look. _They don't think so. Not after this._

"Maybe..." Colette started, fussing with the hem of her shirt. "Maybe...he just needs some time. Maybe he'll change his mind...?"

"You can hope, but I doubt it," Zelos replied. "It's hard to change people like that, and it sure doesn't happen overnight."

"I..." Lloyd's voice choked in his throat. "I really didn't think our relationship...would mean losing friends..."

"Lloyd," Sheena said, taking a deep breath. "There are...always going to be people who don't like things like this. Or don't understand it, and refuse to. But for every person who hates us...there's someone who supports us." She tilted her head to the sky. "Maybe someday we won't have to deal with this anymore..."

"Keep dreaming," Zelos remarked, but his sarcasm fell in the wake of Colette hugging him from the side. "It'd be nice to hope, though."

Lloyd pulled himself into Zelos and Colette, and they shared a loose hug in the middle of the parking lot. _Yeah, I guess we have each other. And this is the first person we've told who's been so...unaccepting. Between Sheena, Seles, and even Kratos...it isn't a bad ratio. I still wish it wasn't my best childhood friend, but..._

_I guess you can't pick and choose this sort of thing._

_Genis..._

"Are you sure you guys don't want any help bringing this stuff up?" Sheena asked. The three looked up at her as if rising from a dream. "I can keep him locked up here as long as we need to."

"He can just unlock it from the inside though, right?" Lloyd pointed out.

"I've got the child locks on, so nope," she replied proudly. "My cousins are little assholes, that's why."

Her quip got a chuckle out of him. "What do you think?" he asked his datefriends.

"Y-yeah, there aren't as much boxes here," Colette said. "And we can just load them all into the elevator at once for less trips. It's...the heavy lifting isn't the hard part, it's organizing afterwards that will be the most work."

"I agree," Lloyd said. "Zelos?"

"I kind of just want him out of here, since he, you know, punched me in the face," he said, then looked up to Sheena. "No offense."

"None taken," she replied, nodding. "Well, I guess I'm off, then."

"Okay." Lloyd shuffled over and hugged her again, brief and strong. "Thanks for your help today. All of it."

"It's nothing," she said, brushing a dark flyaway out of her face. "Just-- _oof!"_

Colette had swarmed toward her, pushing Lloyd out of the way and giving her a huge bear hug. "Hey, it's okay," she soothed.

"You're so tough, Sheena," Colette said into her shoulder. "I wish I could be as tough as you...when Genis said that to me, I...I..."

"It just takes some practice," she said, pulling away and putting a hand on her head. "Remember, I have a _humongous_ family to deal with, and not everyone's as sweet as you."

She giggled and scuttled over to Lloyd's side, leaving Zelos to approach her. Instead of giving him a hug, she held out a hand to him. "What is this, a truce?" he snorted, amused.

"Something like that," she replied. "In place of smacking you myself."

Zelos cracked a small smirk and took her hand, shaking it once before cradling his injured cheek once again. "Probably should get some ice for this, yeah?"

"We'll get some when we're upstairs," Colette said. "I guess we'll...see you later, Sheena."

"Yeah," she agreed, waving with one hand. "I'll stop by later when everything's all settled."

She disappeared into the driver's seat of the car--Genis' head had sunk down in his seat, so it was hard to see him as she drove out of the guest lot. Lloyd felt Colette lace her fingers in with his, tentative. "I hope he's okay," Colette murmured.

"You'd give him sympathy after all that?" Zelos said.

"It just seems so bizarre," she elaborated. "We've always been his friends."

"I guess we'll just have to see," Lloyd said, kissing the top of her head. "Let's finish this up before it gets too late. I'll order pizza for us when we're done."

"Yay!" Colette cheered. "I'm getting hungry, too. Let's go!"

She scampered over to the tailgate and grabbed what seemed like the heaviest box there, given how she wobbled--she took short, quick steps around the corner to the main entrance. Zelos took his time, gazing at Lloyd long before he pulled at a box. "What is it?" Lloyd asked.

"You really are brave," Zelos remarked. "When people talk to me like that, it always feels like _I'm_ the one who's supposed to be wrong. You didn't back down, even with your friend."

"Well, you're both really important to me," Lloyd said. "Besides, I wasn't going to have him  _punch you_ and just let it slide."

Zelos snickered and adjusted the box in his hands. "My hero~," he said, and made his way out of the parking lot.

Lloyd sighed to himself as he took a cardboard box in his arms, following close behind. _If it were just Colette, he would've been happy. But because it's three, it's not okay. Because it's Zelos, it's not okay. He's not a bad person, not at all, and I hate it when anyone says otherwise. Even when it's himself. Especially himself. He doesn't need anyone else talking him down._

_I wonder...if we'll still be throwing that graduation party for Genis. I wonder if things will change by then. I honestly...don't know._

_For now, we_ do _have friends who support us, and each other. And that's what counts._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that sure was a chapter! Sorry Genis is such a judgey asshole here...might make a separate chapter work where Raine knocks some sense into him, but we'll see. Also, AO3 got rid of their line break button, so I had to make my own...
> 
> There's some foreshadowing to a future event in this chapter, can you figure out what it is? (if you read the meta blog, you'll already know, hehe) I love this type of Sheena/Zelos dynamic, where they're constantly pushing each other's buttons. I'm really drawing a blank for more meta here, but I'm proud that I got another chapter done before Christmas, let alone the new year!
> 
> Next chapter looks to be a sweet and fluffy thing. Stay tuned!


	42. Tuned In

_"Take me, take me back to your bed_  
_I love you so much that it hurts my head_  
 _I don't mind you under my skin, I'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in._  
 _Well, you're a pretty bird, and when you sing_  
 _I really do wish that you'd wear my ring_  
 _No matter what they say, I'm still the king, now the storm is coming, the storm is coming in."_

Zelos found himself so engrossed in the song, that he took a second to fade his microphone back up in the dark, empty studio. "Well, that's one way to end a set," he said, his voice shuddering. _Don't like how that one hit me..._ "That was 'Degausser', and with that, I'm out of here." He swallowed to smooth out his tone. "Tune into the AM Rush starting at 5 AM tomorrow--or should it be today?" He chuckled. "Anyway, you're listening to WTLU, and this is Zelos Wilder, signing off."

He cut his mic, pushing it away from his face, and faded up the idle playlist, hooked up to a computer running a constant loop of shuffled music for when the studio was unoccupied. _Let's see, let's do the smooth one._ The dim screen had several options, including "Hard", "Smooth", "Deep Cuts", and "Oldies". He double clicked the top one on the list and let it play, taking off his headphones and stretching.

"Another show in the bag," he said to himself, shutting off all the lights behind him. _This really isn't a bad gig. I'm glad they talked me into doing this._ The door locked shut on its own as he left, and he took the stairs two at a time down to the lobby, and out the main entrance. _It's a little lonely, especially since they usually go to bed before I even air, but..._

_("I don't mind you under my skin--")_

He shivered, pulling his hair out of the ponytail it had been in and smoothing it out. _Shit, that song's going to stick with me all night, isn't it?_ In the parking lot, he unlocked the Mustang and settled himself in, taking note of the only other car in the lot. _Looks like I'm going to be singing it the whole way..._

He cruised out of the campus, through the winding side street that eventually met the main road. On the way, he instinctively slowed down around Lloyd and Colette's old apartment. _I don't think anyone's living there yet,_ Zelos thought, slowing to a crawl as he gawked out the window. _I was...kind of getting used to it. It was small, but it felt like home._

_Or, maybe it was just because of them._

The dashboard lights blinked at him--1:14 AM. Zelos sighed and jammed his foot on the gas, forcing himself to shift up as he spun down the road. _Don't know why I always want to get home so fast. They're both asleep,_

_(who says you won't do something stupid?)_

_after all._ He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel as he crossed the Tethe'alla Bridge, the road ahead of him and around him quiet in the warm summer night. _You know, there's a big part of me that gets freaked out whenever I go out alone like this. Sometimes, I feel like I'm still right on the verge of snapping._ His speed was ticking ten, fifteen miles over the limit, and he let himself cruise there around the bend. _Before, I was too fuckin' exhausted to even drag my sorry ass out of bed. I feel more alive now, but it doesn't mean_

_it doesn't mean that_

_that I'd_

_still try and_

_("--when we were made we were set apart,  
life is a test and I get bad marks--")_

He punched the volume knob on the radio and turned it up loud enough to feel the bass in the bottom of his seat. With his long fingers, he sifted through the stations until he reached some inoffensive pop, the synth drums and humming bass sufficient to drown out his thoughts. _Damn it, damn it. Cut it out, Zelos,_ he scolded, driving through a long tunnel that passed through the underbelly of Meltokio. _I don't want to have fucking nightmares again. Don't want to be anymore of a bother, especially since they're still getting over their buddy turning on them._ He ran his hand through his hair, a strain in his neck. _No need for Col to wake up to see me freaked out and a mess. Again._

_(am I worth it?)_

He emerged from the tunnel on the other side of the city, still with no traffic around him, and his speed continued to creep. Streetlights above him washed out the road in a lonely, orangey glow as the lines ticked by on the asphalt. _Just...get me home, get me in bed, beside my boyfriend and girlfriend, where I feel safe..._

The Meltokio Heights apartment building soon rose into view, and he had to gear down several times to slow himself into the parking lot. The thrumming of the bass from his stereo echoed as he coasted through the parking garage, forcing him to turn it down low, before cutting the engine. Silence draped over him as he slumped back in his seat

_(you thought about ending it here once, choking yourself with the exhaust fumes)_

rubbing his eyes with one hand. "Fuck," he cursed to himself, a whisper in the thinly lit concrete of the garage. _Just need some sleep._

_(or a drink)_

_No, just...rest. That's all. C'mon._

Every motion he took had effort into it, ordering himself through every action. _Pull the keys out of the ignition. Open the door. Close it. Lock the car. Go into the building._ The exit inside the garage led to an elevator, as well as a set of stairs, and he pressed the call button feebly, staring down at his feet. It came almost immediately, and Zelos willed his feet forward inside, so slow that the door nearly clipped the back of his shirt when he finally made it in.

_"Can't shake this little feeling,"_ he hummed to himself, pressing "7" and feeling the rise of the elevator take him upwards. _I never do anything right,_ he thought. _That's the next lyric..._

_(it's true though, isn't it?)_

_I..._

_(you just got lucky)_

_(they pitied you)_

_Stop it...I don't have the energy to fight this..._

His jaw was clenched as he exited the elevator, rushing down to the end of the hall. Surprisingly, a soft glow of light filtered beneath the door. _Did they leave the light on for me?_ Zelos slid the keys in the door and clicked it open, as quietly as he could. _Ah..._

On the couch was Lloyd, laid out with his head buried in his arm, a small radio placed in the middle of the coffee table. It was still playing softly, and Zelos recognized the music from the playlist he put on before he left. His breathing was steady and deep, and Zelos stood in the doorway for a moment just to watch him. _Lloyd...did you stay up for my show? Or, at least try to? Babe..._

The door snapped shut behind him, and it stirred him on the couch, hair tousled as he looked around blearily. "Oh, you're back," he yawned, curling his back and stretching forward. "I was...listening in tonight."

"Were you?" Zelos said quietly, strolling over to him. "Looks like you were sleeping on the job."

"I was up--" He yawned wide and big. "Promise."

Lloyd sat up, making more room on the couch, and Zelos took the opportunity to plop next to him, cuddling into his shoulder. "So, did I sound good? Was I as sexy as ever~?" he crooned as he nuzzled him.

"I guess," Lloyd chuckled, returning the gesture and running a hand back through his hair. "Really, you were good. You get better every time I tune in." He paused, hesitating. "But...you sounded a little shaky at the end this time."

"Huh?" _Of course he'd notice._ "O-oh, must've been just late night...well, you know..."

He flailed as Lloyd gazed steadily at him, the hand sifting through his hair grazing back around to the side of his face, cupping his chin. There was a small, faded mark where Genis had punched him, and he rubbed it with his thumb gently. "Are you okay?" Lloyd asked.

_Not fucking really. When am I ever okay?_ "Er, y-yeah, I..." Zelos started, but found his evasion tactics didn't allow him to look at his boyfriend straight, so he sighed. "Can...um...shit." _This is going to be stupid._ "Can you do something for me?"

Lloyd yawned again, but attempted to shake it before it became too distracting. "Sure."

Zelos bit his lip. "Will you...say that you love me?" He hated the way his voice sounded so timid, insecure. _Damn it, it's like I'm fourteen again with the first girl who fucked me for fun, scared to ask for anything more..._

Despite this, Lloyd didn't waver, only leaning forward to touch his forehead against his. "I love you," he murmured, kissing the top of his cheek. "I love you very much, Zelos."

A smile spread across Zelos' face as the words washed over him, soaking into his skin, through his chest and into his heart. He blinked a couple times and met Lloyd's eyes, glowing in the warm light. Lloyd grinned back and pulled him into a tight hug, his strong arms overwhelming him not just by their strength, but by the empathy behind it. _He means it. He means every word. He always does.  
_

"Col loves you too," he said into his neck. "She's asleep right now, but I know she does."

Zelos took a huge breath, big enough to fill out his lungs and push out his stomach, and let it out slow, hissing through his teeth. "Thank you," he muttered, withdrawing, but keeping one hand on Lloyd's shoulder. He found himself staring down at the couch and his leg--Lloyd was only wearing a t-shirt and boxers, and the fabrics blurred as his vision lost focus. _I hate that I'm so insecure. For no damn reason, too._ Lloyd yawned again, long and loud, but kept contact with him, an arm around his waist. _They're good. They're the best. They put up with my bullshit and they're beautiful and--_

_(one day they're going to realize how useless you really are)_

_Damn it, no...no..._

"Let's go to bed," Lloyd said, standing up and stretching. He held a hand out to Zelos, and he took it--much to his surprise, however, Lloyd hugged him again, a little more full this time. "It's okay to have a bad night every once in a while," he said.

_Really?_ "Yeah," Zelos replied. "Wish I...didn't have them so often."

They walked together, still in their hug as Lloyd bent over to turn off the radio. "You've been doing pretty good lately," he said, rubbing his eyes. "I think some sleep will help. Col's already in bed."

He nodded slowly as they wandered down the hallway, his eyes feeling heavier by the second. _He's right. I just need to sleep this off, then I'll be okay._

_(you're never okay)_

_I'll be okay._

_(you'll never be okay)_

_I'll be okay...for now._

"Hey," Lloyd said, right before they got to the bedroom. "Do you want the middle tonight?"

Zelos glanced up as if he were in a dream. "Mmm," he answered, smirking before pulling off his shirt. "Yeah, that'd probably be for the best."

Colette was sound asleep smack in the middle of the mattress, and Zelos watched as best as he could from a distance as Lloyd coaxed her onto the far side. She made a quiet moan, but he hushed her, stroking her back before taking off his own shirt. "There," he whispered. "That should be good."

As Zelos pulled down his jeans, an ugly gnawing still persisted in his chest, and he rushed up to Lloyd before he settled into bed. "Wait," he said. "One more thing."

He pulled him in by his hips and kissed him, long and slow. Zelos soaked the warmth of his lips like a sponge, in an attempt to dampen the pit of anxiety with his comfort. Lloyd was easy, simple, and let a small noise escape his throat in the midst of their kiss, and the sound of it--tiny as it was--lifted something in his mind.

They broke, reluctantly. "Babe," Zelos murmured. "I love you."

"I know, Z." It wasn't sarcastic, or biting. A concise statement of fact. "Let's sleep."

Zelos crawled into bed, spooned right up against Colette, who unconsciously leaned back into him in response, and was soon joined by Lloyd, just as close. The darkness settled in around him, and for the first time since Zelos left the station, his mind was finally quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Degausser" is by Brand New, and it's worth looking up if you want a song about Zelos that'll hurt. Lyrics from it are sprinkled in all throughout this chapter. I think if he listened to the whole album, he'd probably have a crisis. There's a lot of...dark imagery in it.
> 
> _Anyway_ , I know I said this chapter was going to be light and fluffy, but it's dark and gay instead. I think I'm itching to write heavy stuff right now. Working on a little NSFW piece that's going to fit right between here and the next main chapter, not sure when it'll be done. Someone has to populate the Zelette tag, hehe. 
> 
> Next chapter: a late night visit from a familiar face!


	43. Midnight Visitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you interested in a little NSFW Zelette action, this is where [Meditation](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5675242) falls in the timeline. Check it out, and have fun!

_Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt._

Groggily, Lloyd pawed for the nightstand, where his phone was glowing and buzzing impatiently. _It can't be morning already,_ he thought as it teetered in his hand. _I just went to bed. I think so, anyway..._ Eyes closed, he thumbed the call button and held it up to his face. "Hello?" he answered.

"Lloyd?"

"Sh...Sheena?" He sat up in bed. Colette rolled over, but still seemed mostly asleep. "What's going on?"

"I'm...at your apartment." She kept sniffling on the line, her voice even more garbled than expected. "C-can you buzz me in?"

"Sure. What's--" Before he could finish, the phone went silent. _Well, I'm awake now, at any rate._ He rubbed his eyes blearily before swinging his legs out of bed and shuffling to the front door. As he leaned against the call button, he flicked on a single light, and it still managed to blind him. _Zelos isn't even home yet, so it can't be that late. Why would Sheena come over at this hour anyway? I hope she's all right...  
_

His eyes fluttered as his head hit the wall, already beginning to doze again. He sprung back awake when he heard a tapping on the door. "Mm, right here," he said, shaking his head. "Hey--"

The first thing Lloyd noticed was that Sheena's hair was down at her shoulders--he could barely remember a time when she wore it that way for more than a minute. Her face was blotchy and red, strands of her hair sticking to the sides of her face as she stared pointedly at the ground. Her chest hitched, but she made no sound, as if she were holding her breath, but tears were still falling from her eyes regardless. She was wearing a backpack, and she clutched its straps as if they were the only things holding her together. With a huff, she shoved past Lloyd and threw herself on the couch, tossing her backpack on the floor and covering her face with her hands.

"Wh...what's going on?" Lloyd asked, very awake as he closed the door behind him. "Are you--"

_"I hate them!"_ she sobbed suddenly, her shoulders shaking. "I-I _hate_ my stupid family!"

Volatile as she seemed, Lloyd slowly made his way to the couch and sat next to her. _I don't think...I've ever seen her cry like this. She's always been so tough._ "Did you...have a fight at home?" he asked gingerly.

"Yeah," she sniffled, raising her head up and wiping her face with the back of her sleeve. "They just...I'm...guh, I--" She stopped and looked right at him, her thin brown eyes piercing his even as they were red and watering. "L-Lloyd, there's s-something...something I need to--"

"Sheena, is that you?" Colette pattered out from the bedroom, nearly completely dressed with worry written all over her face. Lloyd glanced down at his boxers. _Probably should've done that too._ "Oh, no, what happened?"

She immediately rushed over to her and hugged her, falling to her knees by the couch. For whatever reason, this only caused her to cry harder, burying her head into Colette's shoulder. She rubbed her back and maneuvered herself on the other side of the couch beside her. "It's okay, it's okay," she soothed. Her eyes flickered to the backpack on the floor. "Did you...run away from home?"

"C-can you call i-it...running away when y-you're an adult?" Sheena stammered, sniffling hard. "Damn it, I'm a grown woman, still living with my parents...then again, the whole extended family's the same way, unt-til they...th-they g-get m-marrie-e-ed..." Her sentence deteriorated into a mess of hitching sobs as she doubled over.

"That's not a bad thing, Sheena," Lloyd said, putting an arm around her shoulder. "It's hard getting an apartment now--it took Col and I forever to find something we could afford. We're lucky we have this place with Z now."

"It has to do with work too, doesn't it?" Colette said. "They work you too hard there, and then you go home and deal with the same kind of stuff..."

Sheena nodded. "I-it really sucks," she mumbled. "I c-couldn't...c-couldn't deal with it...anymore..."

Lloyd patted her. "I think anyone would crumble under all that pressure."

"I-it's like..." she began. "When I w-was in s-school, I h-had an escape...b-but then after I-I graduated, y-you know...I went r-right to w-work a-and...have to deal w-with...all their _bullshit--"_

"You're a strong girl, Sheena," Colette assured. "I think--"

Sheena leaped up from the couch, ripping herself from their grips with her fists clenched. _"STOP!"_ she shouted suddenly, although her anger was replaced with tearful gasps. Colette shrunk back into the couch, and Lloyd absently scooted closer to her to comfort her. _What the..._

"I-I..." Sheena turned toward them again, her shoulders drooped once again. "I-I need to...to..." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I'm not...a g-girl. O-okay?"

Lloyd blinked. "You're...not?"

She swallowed hard and shook her head. "I know, i-it's w-weird, i-it doesn't...m-make any sense, does it?" She laughed, but it came out choked. "I-I just...I've _never..._ felt l-like a girl. I'm...tired of t-trying to be one."

Lloyd and Colette sat in silence for a moment. He felt Colette's fingers kneading on his palm, her clearly trying to find the words to say. "So...does that mean...you're a boy, now?" Colette tried tentatively.

"N-no," Sheena replied, vigorously shaking her head. "I don't...I'm n-not that either. I-it's like...I-I'm...I...I-I haven't fig-figured it out y-yet..."

She sniffled in front of them, staring at the floor, and crossed her arms protectively in front of her chest. _Sheena,_ Lloyd thought, eyes flicking between her and Colette beside him, who had a similar look of concern on her face. _How long...have you felt this way? How long have you kept it bottled up like this? How long have you been unhappy..._

She yelped when the door clicked open behind her. Zelos entered, also a little startled at all the company. "Oh Martel, it's you," Sheena coughed, taking a step back. "I-I forgot...w-well, n-not...not really, y-you were on air o-on my way over..."

"Am I interrupting something?" he said, scanning the entire group. Lloyd watched as his gait was tense, but after a couple deep breaths, he smoothed himself out, a smirk on his face. "Not used to company at this hour."

"I-I--" she started, then frowned. "N-never...never mind..."

"Hey." Zelos bent down to get a better look at her. "You look in pretty rough shape. What, did your boyfriend break up with you or something?"

"Zelos," Lloyd warned, scowling at him.

"Listen!" Sheena snapped, rejuvenated by his smart comment. "If you're g-going to be an a-ass th-then wh-what's...what's..." It soon fizzled, and as quickly as she got in his face, she retreated, clutching her face in frustration.

"Hey, hey," Zelos said, his voice oddly gentle. "I'm sorry. I promise I won't be a dick if you tell me what's up."

The air felt thick with tension around them, as Sheena continued to stare motionless at the ground, and Zelos equally still back. _Please don't make any smart comments, Z,_ Lloyd begged to himself. His grip on Colette's hand tensed. _Besides, I don't know if she has anyplace else she can go..._

At last, Sheena spoke. "I-I got into a fight with my folks," she said. "A-and I...I-I accidentally...told them that I...I wasn't a girl." She glanced over to Colette. "B-by the way, I-I didn't run away. I got...I got...k-kicked out. 'Cause of...th-this." Her eyes squeezed shut as she sniffled again. "I-I probably would've l-left at...at this point anyway, s-so i-it's...all th-the same to me."

Colette was covering her mouth with her free hand. "Sheena..."

Zelos sighed through his nose. "So, you're trans," he replied simply.

Her head jerked back toward him. "W-what? I mean..."

He shrugged. "I had a feeling," he said, running a hand from her shoulder down through her back. She flinched, but didn't withdraw. "Especially after you showed up with the girls all bound up."

It was then that she shrugged him away. "Don't call them that!" she exclaimed, covering them with an arm. "A-and I-I'm n-not a boy either, s-so I...I don't know if...if that applies here..."

"It's up to you," Zelos said, making his way to the kitchen. "Usually having that disconnect with your gender makes you as trans as they come."

"Um," Colette interrupted, leaning back over the couch to spot Zelos. "What...um...does that mean?"

He was at the sink getting a drink of water, and he turned on a heel, amused. "You don't know, kitten?" He took a gulp and set it down, wiping his lips. "Trans is short for transgender. If Sheena doesn't feel like she's a girl...or a dude, for that matter--" He kept one eye on her as he made his way back to the couch. "--she can fall under that umbrella."

"I-I don't know for sure," Sheena said. "I just...th-the fact of the matter is that I _did_ get kicked out, a-and I need a place to stay."

"Guessing telling your parents didn't go over well?" Zelos said, plopping on the other side of Lloyd. He put his arm around his shoulder and leaned back, and Lloyd welcomed his company.

"M-more...than that..." She began to tear up again. "I-I probably d-don't have a job, either...w-word travels fast in the Fujibayashi family..."

"I can hook you up with some work from Dad," Lloyd suggested, trying to speak fast enough to quell the torrent of tears flooding Sheena's already broken face. "O-or we can help you look for work, too--"

"And you can stay here as long as you need to," Colette added. As soon as the words left her mouth, she looked between Zelos and Lloyd. "R-right?"

"The more the merrier," Zelos said, winking. "So long as you don't mind sleeping in my old bed. I'll have the cleaning lady wash the sheets."

"Don't you--" she started, then stopped, the tips of her ears turning a little red. "O-oh, yeah. You probably only need...one bed."

Colette stood up and embraced Sheena again, hugging her tight. "Oh, Sheena, this must be the worst for you," she said.

"You..." she whispered into her hair, slowly returning her hug. Her eyes flicked over to Zelos, then to Lloyd. "Y-you guys...are okay with that? W-with...all of this?"

"Hell, if you're all right with the harem I'm running here--" Zelos snarked, sticking his tongue out. Lloyd elbowed his side. "Ouch, babe!"

"Yeah," Lloyd replied, completely ignoring Zelos. "You're still the person who helped us get through our first year of high school, the person who stuck up for us, and who helped us move in together." He smiled at her. "You're still our friend."

Her face crinkled into a smile. "Lloyd," she said, furiously wiping her face with her sleeve again.

Colette attempted to help, pushing her hair out of her face. "Were you afraid we were going to act like Genis did to us?" she said.

"Well, _no,"_ she replied. "That was...r-really ugly. I-I just didn't...I dunno, I was s-still nervous, especially after all the terrible shit my parents said to me..."

"What'd they say to you?" Lloyd asked, then immediately winced. _That's probably a bad idea. Nice work, Lloyd._

"I'd...really rather not g-get into it," Sheena replied, her arms still around Colette. "J-just s-stuff like 'we didn't raise you like this', and 'you're a disgrace to the family'...s-some more colorful language that doesn't quite translate, too."

"Well, we can try and talk to them together," Colette suggested. "Maybe if they see that other people have your back, we--"

"That's cute, angel," Zelos interrupted. When Lloyd looked over to him, his face was drawn, eyes distant. "If they reacted like that initially, it's probably going to take some time for them to come around. If they ever come around at all."

"Aren't you optimistic," Sheena grumbled.

Colette shot him a look and took a step back from her. "Zelos--!"

"No, he's got a point," Sheena sighed. "Unfortunately..."

Lloyd was still eyeing Zelos', who still held that odd, detached look. He was spotted, and when he met Lloyd's eyes, he gave him a thin lipped smile, and the look disappeared. _What?_ Lloyd blinked down at the floor. _Well, I guess it's similar to coming out as gay. I wonder if that was hard for him, or if he did it at all. After all, his mom died when he was young, and he never seemed favorable to his dad--_

Sheena yawned wide and rubbed her eyes, interrupting his thoughts. "Ugh, I forgot how...tired I was..."

"It's pretty late," Lloyd remarked, sitting up. "And you're probably worn out from crying, too."

"Yeah," she said. "Thanks for...letting me barge in like this. I'm going to try to go into work tomorrow, but...I don't know how it'll go."

"We can come with you in case it gets bad, if you want," Lloyd said, standing up and stretching.

"No, no, it's okay. I can do it," Sheena affirmed, standing up as tall as she could. "I've got to handle some things myself."

"You don't have to do _everything_ yourself, though," Colette said, clasping her hands in front of her face. "We can give you a hand every once in a while."

She looked at her and grinned. "You guys already are," she said, with a quick nod.

Zelos yawned loudly, heaving himself off the couch. "Well, I think it's time to hit the sack, as much as I'm enjoying this pajama party," he said. He kissed Lloyd's cheek first, then Colette's, and paused at Sheena. "You _know,_ if you wanted to join us~..."

"I'll pass, thanks," she replied abruptly, leaning her head back away from him. "You guys have your fun."

"All right, just wanted to be fair," he crooned, blowing a kiss past her and waltzing down the hallway. On his way, he pushed open his old bedroom door before going to the end of the hall. "That's the extra bed. It's all yours."

"I hope he's cleaned that room," Colette muttered, her brow furrowing. "I'll go make sure." With that, she too bounced down the hallway, disappearing into Zelos' room.

It was Lloyd's turn to stand up and approach Sheena, standing by her side for a moment. "I promise I won't stay longer than I have to," she said, her voice much more even than when she first arrived.

"Don't worry about it, really," Lloyd comforted. "We'll help out all we can. All you have to do is ask."

She smiled down at the floor, sniffling. "Thanks," she said. "It's been a...really long day."

"You ought to get some sleep, then," he suggested. "If you want to talk more about...this, then we can do it in the morning." Questions buzzed in his head-- _if you're not a girl, what do you want us to call you? Are you still okay with "Sheena"? Where should we start looking for work for you? And ultimately, are you going to be okay?--_ but he quelled them to keep the serene look on her face.

"Yeah. We'll talk later," she said. She picked up her backpack and slung it over her shoulder, shuffling down the hall. "And really, thank you so much, again."

He grinned. "No problem."

With that, Lloyd yawned wide once again, and snapped off the living room light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus begins the trans!Sheena subplot! Sheena will be exploring more of herself as these chapters go on--pronouns will change as soon as she decides on a set. If something doesn't gel here, I'd love feedback either as a comment on the work or an ask toward the [meta blog](http://jumpertosau.tumblr.com). 
> 
> Next chapter, Zelos and Sheena have a little heart to heart.


	44. Closets

Sheena knocked on the door of the trio's apartment, arms crossed.  _ Damn it, I sure am tired of crying, _ she thought, furiously rubbing her face until her eyes felt raw. Zelos soon opened the door with a nod. "Hey," he greeted. "How'd it go?" 

"Not good," she replied, with a vain attempt to keep her voice even. "I couldn't even get inside. Uncle was glaring at me from the entrance, and it was Hayate--my cousin, who had to tell me not to come in.” Sheena sighed, leaning against the door behind her. “He didn’t look too happy either, but I don’t know if he could say much…”

Lloyd and Colette were cuddled on the couch, but Colette poked her head up to reply. “That’s really awful,” she said. “We can start looking for new work for you tonight or tomorrow.”

“Yeah, that’d be best.” She walked past them and moved toward the kitchen. The TV was on, playing a movie, but as she watched the pair from afar, she realized they were a little more engrossed in themselves than the movie.  _ So that’s what it’s like, huh?  _ Lloyd stroked the back of Colette’s head, occasionally giving her a kiss on the forehead.  _ They really are in love... _

A heavy sigh escaped her, causing a pinching sensation under her armpit.  _ Ugh, I didn’t do a great job binding myself today.  _ She rolled her shoulder to try and adjust it discreetly, but Zelos caught her on his way past. “Binder?” he asked, opening the refrigerator. 

“Y-yeah.”  _ He’s so casual about this, I don’t get it. I expected him to be a little shit the whole time.  _ “I think I wrapped too tight, it’s starting to pinch--”

“Wrapped?” He closed the door to reach forward and lifted her shirt, just enough to see the tan bandages wrapped around her stomach. He sucked in with his teeth. “Oh honey, you really shouldn’t do that,” he commented, withdrawing immediately. “That can fuck up your ribcage if you do it too much.”

“Whatever, like I have any other choice,” she snapped, crossing her arms. “I can’t use a sports bra because they’re too big. And what do you know about binding, anyway?”

“Hey, I’m not completely clueless,” he replied, his voice oddly quiet compared to her outbursts. He was keeping one eye on the couple on the couch as he spoke. “I used to spend every night at The Dungeon with people from all walks of life--”

“The  _ what?”  _ Sheena interrupted.  _ Sneaky, sneaky, you’re avoiding the question…!  _ “You’re a  _ guy,  _ though. And you’ve been weirdly  _ nice _ to me since I’ve been here, too!”

“We’re roommates now, come on!” Zelos retorted, rolling his eyes. “Seriously, am I that untrustworthy?” There was a note of sarcasm in his voice, but his shoulders drooped slightly, and he turned off toward the sink.  _ Oh, shit, that’s right,  _ Sheena thought frantically, her fingers flexing.  _ Colette mentioned to me earlier that sometimes this sort of thing gets to him... _

She backtracked. “N-no, it’s just weird, that’s all! You...just haven’t made one smart comment since I came out to you guys.” Sheena studied him, inspecting every part of his face from the top of his forehead right down through his chin for some sort of sign.  _ He’s always got that little smirk, and it still kind of pisses me off. It’s like he’s always hiding something. Just--! _

Zelos took one last look around the corner--Lloyd and Colette were touching foreheads, making eyes at each other--and then made a small motion with his head. “Why don’t you step into my office?” he said, leading the way with a toss of his hair. “I think there’s something you ought to see.”

“O...kay,” Sheena said, following him down the hall into his bedroom. “But don’t pull anything funny on me.” She squared off her shoulders and chest, as much as she could without it hurting. “I’ll--I’ll slam you into next week.”

Zelos snorted and immediately sat down at his computer chair, swiveling around once and putting his leg up on his opposite knee. “Have I ever told you I like you because you’re feisty?” he remarked. 

“Don’t! Start!” Sheena warned, puffing out her cheeks. The hairs on her neck were already bristling.  _ Really, you think this is fun--?! _

“I’m not, I’m not,” he retreated, waving his hands. “Just shut the door and make yourself comfortable.”

Sheena kept her eyes on him as she shut the door behind her, all the way as she made her way to the bed.  _ For a rich kid, he sure has a small bedroom,  _ she thought, plopping down on the unmade bed. _ That, or it’s just filled with random stuff. He’s full of contradictions… _ “So?” she offered, slapping her palms on her thighs. 

Zelos pointed at a folding door in the corner of the room. “Go into the closet there. Root around until you find a purple chest with handles on the side.”

_ Really?  _ She huffed and got down on her knees, forcing the door open despite the pile of laundry in front of it. The closet was packed full, with clothes both hanging and piled on the floor of it. Suits, jackets, and dress pants were mostly hung, but there was much more miscellany around--several boxes were stacked in the back, as well as pillows, blankets, and tall cases. Most of the boxes were for appliances and clearly labeled, and she dug blindly at the floor to try and grasp at some handles. “Hey, is this just some excuse for someone to clean out your junk?” she complained, her voice nearly completely muffled.

“If I wanted you to do that, I would’ve just asked,” he said, cool as could be. “Just be glad that I keep my sex toys somewhere else.”

_ “Ugh!”  _ she groaned, and jerked her head up, banging it against the wall. “Shit! This--” Her hands finally caught on what seemed to be a thin, metal handle, and she yanked on it, pulling on the object that was clearly buried under several different things. They tumbled forward like an avalanche, but she managed to avoid the fallout until she emerged with the famed purple chest, panting with tousled hair. “This it?” she asked. It was cheaper than she imagined--glossy plastic covered cardboard in a simple, purple checkered pattern.  


“Mmhmm,” Zelos replied. “Go on, open it up.”

His hands were clasped in his lap, and they were gripped tight enough for her to see his skin stretched thin over his knuckles.  _ Is he nervous?  _ she thought, as she pulled off the cover of the box.  _ What could possibly be in here… _

There was a towel covering the top, and she pulled it off to unveil a neatly folded pile of clothing.  _ Clothing? Okay... _ She glanced over at him, and when he said nothing, she began pulling at the contents. The first thing that was out was a pale, pink sundress, unfolded to be flowing at the bottom with a sweetheart neckline at the top. Its material was silky smooth to the touch, with a trim of lace at the bottom. “A...dress?” she asked.

He only nodded.

She glanced at the inside tags.  _ Size 6...that’s pretty small.  _ She set it aside and reached for the next piece, which happened to be a bright red push-up bra.  _ This is small, too. 34A? What a dream that would be. I haven't been that size since before puberty, Martel.  _ “What, are these reminders of some girl you dated?” she teased, holding it out.

Zelos only smirked, a low chuckle in the back of his throat. His knee was starting to bounce in his seat, and he covered his mouth with one hand.  _ This is...odd,  _ she thought, pushing through the remainder of the clothes.  _ I’d expect him to crack a perverted joke by now, or anything.  _ There were more floral shirts, a pair of jeans, and some panties too. As she sifted through toward the bottom (some makeup and accessories were trickled throughout), her head jerked up.  _ Wait a minute. Wait just a minute. These… _

_ (“...what do you know about binding, anyway?”) _

She slowly turned to him. “These are yours,” she stated slowly. 

His lip curled up in thin amusement. “Yup,” he replied, twirling his finger. “Should be some pictures in there too, if I remember.”

She fumbled through the clutter, where the glossy reflection of photo paper caught her eye. There were only a few pictures--most of them featuring a casually dressed, blue haired person who seemed to look different with every picture--and Zelos, smiling with braids in his hair and makeup on his eyes. “You…” she said slowly, rotating through the pictures. She caught sight of him in the pink sundress, and was caught off guard by how much it flattered him. “So...you’re trans, too?” 

“Well…” he began, slumping in his seat. “Here, let me just...tell you the story.

“Sometime after I dropped out of college, I met that person in those pictures over at the bar I frequented.” He pointed at the particular picture she was on, where they were wearing an army jacket and a plaid skirt, next to Zelos in skinny jeans and a tight pink tanktop with remarkable cleavage. “They were genderfluid, and just...so spontaneous about everything. I fell in love with them almost immediately.” He stared up at the ceiling. “They made me think about gender in a whole other way. I never thought that I was 'allowed' to wear dresses, or stuff that was 'girly'. They changed all of that, daring me to try new things. I liked it so much, I dressed that way the entire time we dated.”

“How long was that?” Sheena asked.

“About six months,” Zelos replied. “It’s a miracle, really, since I’m so...I don’t know, timid? About these things...but with them, I just didn’t care. They loved me like that, so I pushed more. I did everything--I tucked, tried making my voice higher--” He cleared his throat.  _ “Sort of like this~.”  _ It reeked of his falsetto, and began coughing soon after, making Sheena giggle. “Damn, can’t keep that up anymore. But, yeah." His face turned soft, similar to how Sheena had seen him look at Lloyd and Colette. "I felt good, I felt...alive, again.” Zelos held out his arms in a pose. “The great Zelos Wilder, femme disaster.” 

“What do you mean,  _ disaster? _ These pictures of you look...really good,” she said.  _ I can barely tell that they’re you, if it weren’t for your hair giving you away. You look...happy in them.  _

“I take--” He paused, as footsteps bounded past the door. He froze for a moment, until he heard them go back the way that they came, and Sheena tilted her head.  _ Is he worried about Col and Lloyd hearing…? If so, that means...  _ “I just take really good pictures. Not as convincing in real life.” He stared down at the floor, spinning his chair side to side. “I’m too tall, I don’t walk right, my Adam’s apple shows--”

“Who cares?” she interrupted. If that’s how you want to be, then just go for it. Simple as that.”  _ Well, maybe...not that simple,  _ she thought to herself, her words already out in the open.  _ I went for it, sure, but it took me forever, too. Especially surrounded by my family, waiting for me to “grow out” of this “tomboy phase”. Ugh. _

“Not really,” he said, looking up at her directly. The coldness in his eyes startled her. “You’ve lived the experience of being catcalled, I’m sure. Just combine it with some good ol’ trans slurs and that’s what I got.” 

“A-ah…” The pictures slipped out of Sheena’s hands, and she fumbled to catch them feebly.  _ He’s a lot more fragile than he lets on. It still surprises me, when he can be so arrogant.  _ “W-well...wh-what happened, then? I don’t see you...do that anymore.”

“We broke up,” he stated. “You know, I  _ did  _ genuinely enjoy presenting femme. It felt natural to me, gussying up like that when I had the energy. But, doing it on my own was hard. I couldn’t...I couldn’t deal with the stares from other people.” He shook his head. “I’m a fuckin’ coward is what it boils down to. Hell, it takes it out of me just to be gay in public, let alone a bigender menace.”

Zelos paused. “I guess…” he started quietly. “I don’t know. I just went back to what I was used to, my comfort zone. I was too scared to keep going with it, so I just kept calling myself a guy because that’s what I had always been.” He pulled out a lock of his hair, watching himself twirl it in his fingers. “I got so freaked out at first that I cut my hair--not a lot, as you can see it’s just as long now as it was then--but just out of panic. I lost who I was...again.

“I still...feel like I'm faking it when I call myself bigender, or trans. Any time I do it, I just feel like a sham. Don’t know if I’ll ever...have the guts to push my femme side again. Besides get more piercings.” He tugged at one ear, then sighed heavily, his knee still bouncing. “So, that’s it. You wanted to know why I knew so much stuff, well...because I get it.”

Sheena stared at him wide-eyed.  _ Huh. No wonder he’s been so sympathetic. What was the term he used? “Bigender”. That’s probably what he’s come up with for himself, but I don’t know if it fits me. I’d rather not be seen as feminine at all, but…I've really got to think on it more. What the words are for myself...  
_

“You know, Zelos,” she started. “Even if you think you’re a coward...you’re still brave, for going through with all of this.”

He scoffed. “You’re funny,” he remarked. “I can’t get it out of my head that I was just doing it for them to like me.”

“But, you kept all this stuff,” she said, pulling up the dress again. “If that were really the case, wouldn’t you have already gotten rid of it? It’d just be the reminder of a bad relationship, right? Or a phase?” The word "phase" left a sour taste in her mouth. _That seems to be_  


_("[What is this, some kind of new trend? What kind of people are you associating yourself with? You disgusting little perverted--]")_

_what other people tend to think._

He opened his mouth once, then closed it, looking away. “Maybe,” he replied, voice muffled by his hand over his mouth. Zelos pulled at the back of his hair, then smoothed it out. “I just...I feel like I try to pull on others’ personalities, especially those I love and admire, because I...I…” 

Sheena leaned forward for him to continue, and with a wince and a quick glance at her, he finally did. “--f-forget it. Forget it. I'm just a big fuck-up who doesn't--"

"Hey," she interrupted. "Easy." 

He huffed, eyes darting as he took a couple deep breaths. "I do it so much I-I don’t even know who I am by the end. Just...this shell.” He smirked humorlessly. “It’s why I’m an asshole all the time.”

“Y-you’re not that bad,” Sheena said. “Really. Even if you get on my nerves...you’re not the worst.”

“Thanks.”

_ “Honestly.” _

“Yeah, yeah.” Zelos turned away from her, toward his computer, head in his hands. “Martel, I know I’ve said too much when you’d rather give me sympathy than punch me.”

“Zelos…” Sheena stood up and approached him, just short of the desk. “I wouldn’t do that, honest.”  _ Well, not unless you really deserved it.  _ “I’m...glad you told me about this. Thanks.”

He looked up at her with one eye, then back down at the desk. “Sure,” he murmured. “Hey, listen...don’t tell them about this, okay?” His head tilted toward the closed door.

_ So he hasn’t, then.  _ “Why not?” she asked. 

“I don’t...I’d just rather tell them on my own terms,” he said. “Don’t know if I ever will, but...just want to have that choice, you know.”

“I don’t think they’d give you any trouble,” Sheena assured. “After me, I think you’d be fine.”

“Mmm.” He chuckled to himself. “You know, maybe…” He trailed off, then started back up again, sitting up and looking off into the blank wall. “Maybe if I stay with them long enough--if they don't get tired of me--I’ll finally become a good person.” 

“You…” Sheena found herself at a loss for words.  _ You’re...not a bad person to begin with. You can be pretty antagonistic sometimes, sure, but...I’ve seen how you are with them, and now even with me. You’re all right.  _

Despite her never finishing her sentence, Zelos became distracted himself by the trunk, sliding off the computer chair and kneeling down by it. “You know, I had a half a thought to give these to Colette,” he said, picking up the sundress. “I don’t think they’d fit her, though.”

“Y-yeah, those are really small. Are you really only a 6?” Sheena asked. 

“Look at me, for crying out loud.” He lifted up his shirt and pinched at his stomach. Indeed, she could almost see his ribs. “I’ve got nothing to me. Nothing like the hips you have--”

_ “All right,  _ this was fun,” Sheena interrupted loudly.  _ There’s the kind of comment I was looking for,  _ she thought at Zelos' mischievous grin. _One minute he's serious, the next he's spouting innuendos. One second he looks like he's about to cry, and the next he's grinning. How do they keep up?_ She stood up abruptly and stretched. “I’m going to go out and get a bite to eat, then work on job hunting. Good talk.”

Zelos snickered. “Yeah, a nice over-sharing session,” he remarked. He idly began braiding his hair behind his back, but then froze halfway. “Wait, you’re really going out?”

Her hand was on the doorknob. “Uh, yeah?” 

“Why don’t you...wait a bit,” he advised, a smile taking over his face. 

She raised an eyebrow as she cracked open the door. “Wait for what--” As she stuck her head out, however, she heard commotion coming from the living room.  _ “Mmn…Lloyd…”  _ “Shhh, you’ve got to be quiet--” 

She slammed the door immediately, feeling her face grow burning red. “What the fuck?!” she whispered, although it was almost at normal volume anyway due to her disbelief. “And you knew, didn't you?!” 

He shrugged. “It’d be such a shame if you interrupted them,” Zelos said. “This in itself is rare, let alone sneaking in a quickie while _you’re_ around.” He sighed with affection, a dreamy look crossing his eyes. “Aren’t they cute?” 

Sheena gritted her teeth. “To you, maybe. I don’t want to see them...doing  _ that. _ ” She folded her arms and tried to blink away the images floating to the surface of her mind.  _ Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, don’t think about it-- _

“Besides, it means we get to spend more quality time together~,” Zelos said with a wink. 

“Wonderful,” Sheena replied. Her eyes wandered over to the computer, idle at the desk. “Well, at least I can get something done. There are job listings online now, right?” 

“Pretty sure. Maybe you can find an actual binder somewhere, so you can stop warping your ribcage.” He began stuffing the clothes back into the trunk, putting the lid back on and smoothing it over with his hands. Instead of returning it to the closet, however, he chose to stuff it under the bed, just far enough so that the bed skirt hid its position.  _ Not quite as hidden as before,  _ Sheena thought, watching him while waking up the computer.  _ I guess that’s a start, if he wants to tell them. _

_ And yeah, it’s nice to think that I have someone in the same boat as me.  _ She smiled to herself.  _ Even if it is this asshole. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more Zelos backstory! I've had this little thing in my head for a few months now--it's a bit of a different trans narrative than what's usually seen, but I think it's important to flesh out the spectrum of trans/non-binary-ness. Both Sheena's and Zelos' narrative come from my own life and experience, in some way, shape, or form. No one's had any rude things to say about this, which I'm...really glad for! In most feedback, everyone loves that everyone in this story is so queer, and I plan to keep it that way. Sheena will settle on some new pronouns next chapter, too.
> 
> What happens next chapter, you ask? We're going to Iselia to do some back woods ATV riding! Sheena finally gets Zelos out in the woods--probably as payback for having to hang out with him while Lloyd and Colette had some "alone time". Hehe, thanks for reading, and stay tuned!


	45. One With Nature

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From this point forward, Sheena will be referred to with ey/em/eir pronouns.

“Ah, back again in scenic Iselia,” Zelos said, inhaling deeply and slapping his chest. “Oh, how I missed you so.”

“No, you didn’t,” Lloyd remarked, elbowing him as he locked the truck. “You don’t have to pretend just to please us, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he replied. Colette soon joined them, bounding from the other side of the truck. “Fine then, I’m not  _ thrilled  _ to be here. But, I’ll go along with this little adventure.”

A car door slammed on the other side of the truck, and Sheena emerged, waving. “All right, all ready to go?” ey said, eyeing Zelos in particular. “Ready to be introduced to the great outdoors?”

He rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. Colette shortly was at his side, linking their arms together. “We’ll do this quad riding thing…”

“You’ll have fun!” Colette exclaimed, guiding him down the street. “You don’t have to worry about driving--it’s like riding the motorcycle, but through the woods instead!”

Sheena strolled ahead of them, walking backward as ey took a better look at him. “Hope you’re not worried about getting those jeans dirty,” ey teased, sticking eir tongue out.

“They’re the oldest pair I’ve got, I’ll live,” Zelos groaned, scuffing his feet on the worn pavement. The jeans themselves barely hung on his hips, even with the belt, and a couple of the loops were missing.  


Lloyd hung back in the group, taking in the sunshine of the day and tranquility of the street.  _ This is the last real weekend before classes start up again,  _ he mused.  _ Sheena’s still looking for work, but she-- _ ey  _ wanted to do something fun together before Col and I started school again full-time. I haven’t been quad riding in ages-- _

“Hey, let’s keep moving,” Sheena suggested, picking up eir pace as they walked past the small row of houses. “I’d feel better if we didn’t run into Genis out here.”

“Agreed,” Zelos said, nearly dragging Colette with him. “That bruise finally healed up, I don’t need another one.”

“W-wait--” Lloyd said, taking a look back, stumbling over his feet as he backpedaled. He could pick out Genis and Raine’s house from the row, almost drawn to it. “Do you...really think it’ll be that bad?”

“Let’s just go, Lloyd.” Colette met his eyes, and hers were sad, even through her thin-lipped smile. “It’s probably for the best that we don’t cause any trouble.”

_ Col…  _ Lloyd sighed. “All right.”  _ Is it...really the end of our friendship? A loud fight in a parking lot, and then that’s it? We just never speak to each other again?  _ He swallowed, and his head felt magnetized toward the cracked sidewalk.

“Hey, cheer up,” Sheena said. “We’re out here to have a good time.” Ey put eir hand on his back, and eir eyes held sympathy, even with eir light-hearted voice. “If you want to go talk to him, we can do it later.”

_ Will there really be a later?  _ “Yeah. Okay.” Lloyd nodded despite the continual sinking in his chest. 

A hand grasped for his, and he glanced over to see Colette at his side, nodding in agreement.  _ Yeah, things are okay for now. We’re all together, at least.  _

“So, where are we going?” Zelos had jumped ahead of everyone, aimlessly wandering around the cul-de-sac. “Aren’t we looking for ATV’s somewhere?” 

“Yup, over this way,” Sheena said, pointing to a side street toward the east side. It could hardly be called a “street”, as it was just dirt, and it wasn’t too long before it dead-ended into the woods. There was mostly dry, grassy fields and shrubbery, and only one house at the very end of the road, covered in peeling gray paint with a metal garage next to it. 

“Do you guys rent them, or what?” Zelos asked. The garage door was open, and one could see at least two ATV’s parked inside, with room for more further in. “I thought we were going to stop by Lloyd’s dad’s place or something…”

“Nope, so long as we pay to fuel them, we can ride them whenever we want,” Lloyd said. “Mr. Grants has three, but it’d be easier if we just took two and doubled up.”

“I’ll go ask for the keys,” Sheena said, and jogged up to the front door of the house, leaving the trio to themselves.

“So, who’s riding with whom?” Zelos said. 

Colette pouted. “I wish we could all ride together…”

“Yeah, but we’d push the weight limit, and it could be dangerous. There’s just no room,” Lloyd remarked. “Well, Z can’t drive--”

“Hey, I can drive!” he exclaimed. “If it’s just a standard shift, I can drive anything…”

“Yeah, but this is different. There are trails, and you wouldn’t want to get lost.” Lloyd crossed his arms. “Sheena’s probably going to want to drive, too…”

“I don’t mind riding with someone at first,” Colette said, swinging their linked hands back and forth. “Maybe we could ride together, and Z could--”

“I  _ really  _ would rather not ride with Sheena,” Zelos said, his posture shrinking. “No offense to em, but I think the feeling’s mutual.”

Lloyd raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”  _ They seemed to be getting along fine before... _

Zelos huffed. “Look, I’m already out of my element. I’d rather be with one of you.”

_ Ah, right.  _ “Okay then, ride with me,” he suggested, as he squeezed Colette’s hand. “Sorry, hon.”

“No, it’s okay,” she replied. “Sheena’s fun to ride with too! She--um, I mean,  _ ey _ likes to go fast on the trails, so it’s really exciting.”

“Got ‘em!” Sheena called, bounding down the small slope over to the group, waving the small key rings in the air. “Ol’ Grants was excited to see us back in town, especially with newcomers.” Ey stretched eir arms high in the air. “All right, so do we have our riding arrangements?”

“Yup! I’m riding with Z, you get Colette,” Lloyd said.

Ey grinned. “Perfect!” Ey tossed the keys up in the air over to Lloyd, and he swiped them with ease. “That’s for the red one, I know it’s your favorite. Let’s go!” 

Sheena was already running off toward the garage, making Colette chase em up the driveway. “Sheena, wait!” she called, almost tripping on the dirty and sprawling down the driveway. Lloyd held his breath.  _ Please don't fall, hon, please don't hurt yourself right before we even get started…!  _ To his luck, though, she caught herself on the opening of the garage, and even spun around to give the boys a thumbs up before following Sheena to the ATV. 

“You were worried, weren't you?” Zelos muttered, arm around his shoulder as they headed toward the garage at a more leisurely pace. “Our little angel is a clumsy one.”

“You should've seen her when she was a kid,” Lloyd replied. “She was covered with scrapes and bruises, just from doing kid stuff. Her parents once pulled me aside and asked if I was bullying her.”  _ That was awful. Her dad can be pretty intense.  _ “I think I was nine? Barely…”

“Yikes,” Zelos remarked, bumping his hip against his. “And at the same time, her mom was so keen on you two shacking up.”

“Well, I've stood the test of time,” Lloyd said. “They like me well enough now, so--”

“Looks like it's going to be my turn to impress,” Zelos said with a wink. “I've never been one to suck up to parents, but for her, I'll make an exception.”

“Come on guys, what's the hold up?!” Sheena shouted from inside the garage, her voice reverberating through the thin, aluminum walls.

“Lloyd was just telling me how badly he wants to make out with me in the woods,” Zelos said, slapping Lloyd’s ass as he did so. It startled him enough to send him stumbling forward. “Isn't that right, babe?”

“Hey, knock it off!” Lloyd exclaimed, batting him away.  _ You bastard. Wouldn't be a terrible idea, don't get me wrong...still… _

_ You really want to do good for us, don't you, Zelos?  _

Sheena revved the engine on her forest green quad, while Colette stood back, hands clasped together. The sound was more throaty than Zelos’ motorcycle, and immediately filled the garage with the scent of gasoline. “Watch out, I'm gonna back up,” ey said, jamming eir foot down on the shifter with a hearty  _ clunk.  _ Ey rolled out of the garage, throwing the handlebars so ey neatly spun around down the hill, facing outward by landing. “How do you like that?”

“Nice,” Zelos replied, arching back to Lloyd. “Can you do that, hotshot?” 

“Oy, I’m not the one constantly trying to show off,” Lloyd said to him, hopping on the other quad and settling into the seat. “Sounds like the pot’s calling the kettle black, babe.”

Sheena laughed as Lloyd turned his ATV on, making a more cautious approach to back it out of the garage.  _ It’s been awhile since I’ve been on one of these. And I’m not that great in reverse.  _ When he was out of the garage, Zelos strolled up to him, leaning against the front of the quad. “So, you don’t want to show off for your cute boyfriend today~?” he crooned. 

His smug face made Lloyd bristle with surface anger. “Oh, I’ll show  _ you  _ something,” he retorted, biting back a grin and slapping the seat behind him.

“Mmm, oh really~?” Zelos swung his leg over and scooted right up behind Lloyd, wrapping his arms around his waist. “I can’t wait to see that, honey~.” 

Lloyd gripped the handlebars, twisting the rubber grips as he hissed through his teeth. “You’re terrible.”

Colette giggled before hopping on the back of Sheena’s quad. “You’re red, Lloyd!” she teased.

“Yeah, you guys  _ better  _ not be getting into it while we’re on the trails,” Sheena warned, mostly glaring at Zelos.

“See, if you joined our poly gang, then you could have fun with Colette, while we do things elsewhere,” Zelos remarked, winking. “You’re really missing out.” 

It was Sheena’s turn to blush. “For Martel’s sake,  _ I told you!”  _ she cried, downshifting aggressively and lurching the quad forward, nearly flinging Colette off the back. “Damn it, just follow me!” 

Lloyd fumbled to shift himself and followed her through the trail directly beside the garage, instantly shrouding the sunlight in a canopy of green. As soon as they got bumping through the twigs roots on the ground, Zelos retreated his arms from Lloyd’s waist to the back rack, where he had a better grip. “Fuck, this is the _least_ smooth ride I’ve had in my life,” he commented, forcing himself to yell over the loud motors.

“That’s the whole point,” Lloyd called back. “You can take these things through anything--mud, snow, water--I put this machine through almost a foot of water, and it came out fine.” 

“Martel…” he marveled. “Guess it’s not bad for a hunk of junk, then, eh?” 

He ignored him, as paying attention to Zelos had caused him to fall behind Sheena and Colette, only the sound of their quad alerting him to their presence. The trail had many hills and valleys, and he had a hard grip on the handlebars in order to keep control.  _ Damn it, hopefully they stop at the split, or else we’ll never find them.  _ Lloyd kicked the gear up, giving him more speed at the cost of rougher driving, kicking up dirt and mud all around them. 

Ahead, a low hanging tree was approaching. “Duck!” Lloyd shouted, tucking his head low to the control panel.

A smacking sound behind him told him that he was too late. “Ow!” Zelos cried. Lloyd let off the gas in order to turn back toward him, rubbing his face. “Give me a little more time, will you?” he complained.

“I did!” he retorted. “Didn’t you see me duck? And yell ‘duck’?”

“Well, yeah, but…” Zelos trailed off, pouting. “J-just give me more warning!”

The quad had slowed to a crawl as Lloyd continued to stare, watching him pull his hair around so it wasn’t so easy to snag. There was at least one twig in it already, clearly despite his best efforts.  _ I wonder if he was distracted looking around at the trees.  _ Lloyd smirked. “Just pay attention, okay?” 

Zelos huffed and leaned against him as Lloyd picked his pace back up, huge tires crushing the debris beneath them. He strained his ears over the sound of his own motor to listen for Sheena’s, but found it nearly impossible thanks to the rumble beneath him.  _ I guess we’ll have to find out.  _ The fork in the path was approaching quickly, and there was no sign of them in sight.

“Which way?” Zelos asked.

“Uh…” Lloyd glanced between both trails, trying to decipher the trail paths. They were both well worn, and neither looked any fresher than the other. “Um...let’s...go this way,” he replied, jerking the handlebars to the left hand path. “Then we’ll catch up with them.”

* * *

 

Meanwhile, on the right hand path, Colette and Sheena were cruising at an even pace, the road more clear than it was going in. “Can you see them?” Sheena shouted.

Colette had one hand firmly gripped onto the back rack, her thighs squeezing the seat so she stayed fairly put behind em. “Nothing!” she exclaimed. “Maybe we should wait…”

Ey grunted and reluctantly downshifted to a crawl. “You’re probably right,” ey said, switching off the engine and stretching eir arms. “They probably took the other way…”

In the quiet woods, a motor could still be heard echoing through the forest. “Well, they’re still riding, so…” Colette said, trailing off.

“Just as long as they figure it out before they hit the main road on the other side, they should be fine,” ey said. Ey turned emself around so ey were facing Colette, back resting against the handlebars. “You should’ve ridden with Zelos. Lloyd gets lost too easily.”

“I get lost too--!” Colette replied. 

“Well, you could at least kept up and followed me. Unless you’d get distracted by him, too?”

She giggled. “I don’t know for sure. He is charming.”

Sheena smirked and stared up at the canopy. “You ready to go back to classes again?” ey asked.

“Just about. When we get back, I’m probably going to revise my paper for Raine’s class.” She fidgeted her hands. “I wonder what it’ll be like, after...what happened.”

“Can’t say for sure. You said that you saw Raine at the ball thing you went to, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Did she do anything weird then?”

“No, she just seemed...curious.” She sighed. “Maybe he didn’t even tell her what happened.”

“Well…” Sheena looked off, an oddly mischievous look on her face. “He would’ve had to explain that slap mark to her that I gave him, so--”

“What? Sheena!” she exclaimed, lightly smacking eir knee. “You--”

“He was being a jerk! And what’s more, he kept pouting and didn’t understand why he was wrong, and kept spewing off--” Ey huffed. “I just don’t have much tolerance for that.”

Colette nodded, stretching her legs on the back seat, brushing her feet against Sheena’s. “I hope we can all be friends again,” she said. 

“Maybe someday,” Sheena replied. _Wishful thinking,_ ey thought, but chose not to say.  


“Oh! You know what I was thinking?” she exclaimed suddenly. “We should all go together to Mizuho and try to talk to your parents.”

“What?! No, no way,” ey said, waving eir hands. “It’s just not going to work. They’re not going to understand you, and--”

“I still think we can try and work something out.” Her blue eyes seemed to glimmer, even in the forest shrouded light, and she gently took eir hand in her own. “Even if they won’t let you live there, just to come to an understanding. Just to talk.”

Sheena tilted eir head, eyes beginning to water. “Col…”  _ You really believe the best in people, don’t you?  _ ey thought, as she smiled at em earnestly.  _ Even when others say such mean things, even against all odds, you believe that people are always inherently good. _

_ I’m envious… _

“Well...if everyone’s free, we can try,” ey said at last.  _ Lloyd will be on board, but I don’t know about Zelos. _ “You guys will have my back?” 

“Absolutely!” she chirped, squeezing her hands. “We’ll all do it together.”

Tears pricked in the back of eir eyes, and ey blinked them back as best as ey could.  _ I’ve done enough crying to last me for a while. I don’t need to start again.  _

As they sat in relative silence, the sound of the motor they were listening for suddenly became absent; the only sounds surrounding them were ones of birds and the rustling of trees. “They must have stopped,” Sheena said, standing on the foot pedals and squinting around the woods. “I swear to Martel, if they’re making out somewhere--”

Colette giggled. “We could just call them and see where they are.”

Sheena took an enormous breath, filling eir lungs.  _ “LLOYD! ZELOS!”  _ ey shouted, eir voice echoing through the trees.

Ey felt a nudge at her waist, and saw that Colette was holding her phone up to em. “I-I meant a phone call,” she said.

_ Oh.  _ “R-right.” Eir face burned red as ey took the phone from her hand.

* * *

“Babe.”

“Mmn?”

“Did you hear that?”

Lloyd was perched in Zelos’ lap, arms around each other as they heard the shrill timbre of Sheena’s voice shiver through the woods. “I  _ knew  _ they went the other way,” Lloyd cursed, wriggling to try and free himself. 

“Is that why you took us the long way around?” Zelos teased, holding him in place by his hips. “So we could get some alone time~?” 

“N-no…” Lloyd’s breathing was still a little uneven, Zelos’ swollen lips still beckoning him as he swallowed. “I-I just...uh…”

“Hm?” Zelos reached up and pulled Lloyd’s face down to him, and they kissed as if they were never interrupted, mashing their lips together desperately. As Lloyd gripped onto his back, he felt a vibration from his back pocket. “Oh, shit,” he grunted. “That’s them…”

“Oh well,” Zelos sighed as Lloyd picked up the phone. “It was good while it lasted.”

He held it up to his ear. “Yeah?” he answered.

_ “What the hell are you guys doing?” _ Sheena barked.  _ “Meet us back by the fork!”  _

Ey hung up abruptly. “Ey’re mad, aren't ey?” Zelos said.

“Most likely.” Lloyd slid off Zelos lap as they traded places; him at the handlebars and revving the engine back up. “I always think I have decent direction, but I guess it’s been awhile since I’ve been on these trails.” 

Zelos scooted close against him, wrapping his arms around his waist even as they turned around, going back the way they came. “You having a good time?” Lloyd asked, taking a slower pace than before.

“Making out with you is always a good time, honey~,” he crooned.

_ “No,  _ I mean out here,” he clarified. The quad jerked into a puddle, splashing both of them with muddy water before he could try and swerve out of its way.  _ “Shit,  _ missed that one…”

“Puh!” Zelos spat, wiping his lips before burying his head into Lloyd’s back once again. “It’s all right.”

“That’s it? ‘All right’?”  _ Somehow, I thought you’d have more colorful things to say...usually you won’t stop complaining when we’re out here “in the middle of nowhere”.  _

“Mmm,” he replied. “Long as I’m with you two, I’m okay.”

Lloyd smirked instinctively, but something in Zelos’ tone sat uneasy in his stomach. It sighed, it lacked energy, and when he turned back to him, his eyes seem hazy and unfocused. The fork in the road was fast approaching, but just as he reached it, he immediately shut off the quad and twisted toward him. “Hey. Z.”

“What?” His eyes widened a little as he smoothed his hair back. “What, what’s that look for?” 

“You…” Lloyd bit his lip.  _ I don’t like that look. I don’t like it when you’re drifting like that.  _ “Are you  _ sure  _ you’re okay?”

Zelos smiled at him, and the haziness disappeared. “Promise,” he replied, kissing his cheek. “This is better than I expected, really.” 

“Good.” Lloyd sighed with relief, just as the motor of Sheena and Colette’s quad grew louder, sounding like it was destroying everything in its path. They soon emerged from the opposite path, Sheena spinning the handlebars around so fast in the fork that they skidded a foot in the dirt before stopping. 

_ “There  _ you guys are!” ey said. “Lloyd, you’re terrible with directions.”

“You go so fast, sorry!” he exclaimed. “And then, Zelos--”

“Yeah, yeah, I don’t wanna hear it!” ey groaned. “You’re riding with me this time, pal. No more secret makeout sessions.”

“Ooh, does this mean Angel is going to drive me around~?” Zelos said, winking at Colette.

“As long as you  _ promise  _ not to be distracting,” Sheena replied as she hopped off the back of eir quad, skipping over to Lloyd’s. “Otherwise, you’ll have to come with me, and I know a very nice mud pit to send you flying--”

“I’ll be good,” Zelos said, clasping his hands together. “Like an angel chosen by the Goddess herself.” He looked up at the sky in pretend rapture, and even briefly made a halo with his hands over his head. 

“Uh-huh,” Sheena said, unimpressed.

“Don’t worry, Sheena,” Colette replied, bouncing onto the seat of the red ATV, perched right in front of Zelos. “I’ll keep him in line!” She pumped her fist forward with a furrowed brow.

“Oh, I can’t wait to see that~,” Zelos said, creeping closer to her ear. “You know…” His voice fell to a whisper as he muttered something into her ear. Whatever it was, Lloyd couldn’t tell, but it made Colette’s cerulean eyes wide and huge. 

“Z,” Lloyd warned, jumping on behind Sheena and rolling his shoulders. “What did you tell her?”

“Oh, nothing~,” he answered innocently, grin suggesting otherwise.

“L-let’s go!” Colette stuttered, her voice higher than usual, red face focused on the controls in front of her. “Y-you can lead, Sheena.”

“Okay,” ey said. Ey gripped the handlebars, but turned back to Lloyd for a moment. “You cool riding passenger?”

“Yeah, it’s okay,” he replied. “Besides, shouldn’t risk throwing out my shoulder right before the fall. Dad’s the busiest then, selling a lot of firewood.”

“Right,” ey agreed, revving the engine. “All right, let’s roll!”

* * *

 

The sun was just beginning to set by the time the crew rolled back into town. “Woo!” Sheena cheered as em and Lloyd exited the woods, their jeans both nearly covered in mud. The green of eir ATV had dulled to a speckled brown, tires caked in more mud and debris. “That was awesome!”

“Yeah!” Lloyd agreed, craning back around toward the trail. Behind him, Colette and Zelos rode in their equally muddy red ATV, her with speckles of mud streaking her face like freckles. She waved cheerfully back at him. Meanwhile, Zelos was smiling to himself, looking up at the sky, the bottom of his jeans caked in dirt. “How’d you guys do?”

“Good!” Colette chirped. “Right, Z?”

“Hm? Yeah,” he replied. “We made it back in one piece, so that’s always a plus.”

Sheena rode the ATV back into the garage, yanking the key out the instant the engine sputtered to a stop. “Grants said to just leave the keys in the mailbox,” ey said. “Col, you need me to park that?”

“No, I got it!” Colette was much slower at pulling herself in, carefully aligning the quad so it fit just so beside the one Sheena used. 

“So, no one comes and steals these?” Zelos asked, jumping off while Colette was still crawling it into the garage. “If you just left the keys out in the city, these things would be  _ gone  _ in less than a day.”

“Everyone knows each other out here,” Lloyd answered, jogging over to him. “You’d be caught pretty quickly, even if you did try. People just trust each other, you know?”

Zelos sighed. “I guess. Just weird, that’s all.”

_ Weird to trust others?  _ Lloyd thought to himself. He was interrupted by Colette hugging him from behind.

“Let’s go get dinner together!” she exclaimed, one arm around Lloyd’s waist while she reached for Zelos’ hand. He seemed startled, but resumed a soft smile when he took it, and the look made Lloyd’s heart flutter. 

“Where’re we going?” Sheena asked, running a little ahead so ey could walk backwards down the road in front of them. “We could get something over in Luin.”

“Oh yeah! Like that pizza place--” Colette started.

“Not pizza tonight,” Zelos interrupted. “Kinda tired of pizza for now…”

“That’s because it’s all you get when you order in!” Sheena scolded. “You need to broaden your horizons--”

“My horizons are  _ plenty _ broad, believe me…”

“What do you-- _ not like that!”  _

“What? I didn’t say anything~.”

Lloyd chuckled as warm, orange light washed over the main cul-de-sac in the center of Iselia, painting the houses in an even more nostalgic glow. He spotted a couple of children playing hopscotch in the driveway, jumping and screaming in the way that children do when left to their own devices.  _ Seems like it’s been a long time since we were kids,  _ Lloyd thought.  _ Soon, we’ll be old enough to-- _

“Lloyd!” 

He stopped abruptly, causing the whole chain to wobble to a halt as they looked back to the source of the voice. Scanning the houses, Lloyd couldn’t see anything unusual, until he heard the voice again.

_ “Lloyd!”  _

This time, his eyes were drawn to where they were when they first arrived--Raine and Genis’ house. Genis was standing in the doorway, but he soon broke out into a sprint, running toward them at surprising speed. 

“Oh, no,” Sheena muttered, taking a few steps back. “Come on, let’s go, let’s just--”

“No, no,” Lloyd insisted, drifting away from Colette’s grasp. “Let me handle this.”

“Last time you tried to ‘handle’ it, you were  _ this close  _ to giving him a black eye,” ey hissed, grabbing Lloyd’s arm. “And you  _ don’t  _ want to make a scene like that here--”

“Sheena!” He ripped his arm away from em, taking a deep breath. “It’ll be fine. We’ll just talk.”

Genis was already close by the time he turned back, and the others all kept their distance as Lloyd folded his arms

_ (“That doesn’t make any sense. Sounds like some bullshit Zelos talked you into.”) _

waiting for Genis to 

_ (“It just doesn’t seem right!”) _

catch his breath.  _ What are you going to say this time?  _ he thought; Genis was still doubled over, hands on his knees from his sprint, but he soon straightened up over him.  _ If you’re just going rag on me, then I’ll just leave. It...hurts too much to listen to it.  _

They stared down each other, brown meeting gray, for quite some time until Lloyd broke the silence. “Wh-what is it?” he said. He hated how his voice shook, even with the sharpness that it had.

“I…” Genis started, then stalled, staring at the ground. He kicked at the grass on the edge of the road, a motion Lloyd recognized.  _ He always did that when Raine was scolding us for something when we were kids.  _

More time passed, the sun was setting even further over the horizon, settling the village into a pink dusk. “Listen, we’ve got to get home,” he said, taking a step back.  _ Maybe we should’ve just gone, like Sheena said. If he’s just going to...to do this, _

_ (“You piece of shit!”) _

_ there’s no point in trying to reason.  _ “We’ve got to go get dinner--”

As he turned to walk back toward his friend and lovers, he felt a pull on his shirt. “Wait,” Genis said. 

Lloyd stayed put, frozen mid stride, as the pulsing silence of the small town surrounded him. “I’m...sorry,” he said. Lloyd could feel his fist twisting on his shirt, making a small ball. “About...about when we were moving you in…”

He relaxed back into a static position, but still didn’t turn back toward him, only sighing heavily at the ground. Words festered in his throat and died before they could leave his lips.  _ Genis… _

“I...miss you guys,” he continued quietly. “It’s been...really lonely since you left Iselia. And when I saw you...you all happy with each other…” He huffed, continuing to twist at his shirt. “I just...I overreacted. I thought I knew everything about you, Lloyd, since we’ve been friends for so long, and…”

He snickered, but it was hollow. “I guess I don’t, anymore. P-people...change. It’s weird. And I still...don’t quite get what you’re doing, and why you’ve picked  _ him,  _ of all people, but I...I…”

Lloyd slowly turned, grinding his boots in the dirt, forcing Genis to let go of him and drop his hand to his side. More than anything, Genis looked defeated. “I want to be your friend again,” he finished, his eyes swimming. He gasped suddenly and covered his eyes with one hand, rubbing them aggressively. “A-and I get it, after all that I said, if you don’t want to--”

“Genis.”

“I was a real asshole. D-did Sheena tell you she slapped me? S-she did. Raine did too.”

“It’s--”  _ Ey now,  _ he wanted to finish, but stopped himself barely.  _ Ey’re probably not out to him, especially after that.  _ “Genis, you--”

“I just want to keep being your friend!” Genis shouted suddenly, his voice pitching wildly. “I don’t w-want to be left behind!” 

“Come here,” Lloyd said, and pulled him into a tight hug, one that Genis returned with ferocity. “You should have told us you felt that way, man.”

“I didn’t want you to pity me,” he replied, muffled in his shoulder. “I wanted you to...to hang out with me because you  _ wanted  _ to, not because you  _ had  _ to--”

“I know,” Lloyd said quietly. “We got hung up in our own things. It happens sometimes. But…”  _ Does it excuse what he said to us? For hurting Zelos? Hurting all of us like that?  _

_ I want to forgive him...he’s been my best friend since we were kids… _

“I-I’m sorry, I really am,” Genis shuddered. “H-huh…?”

Lloyd blinked, and saw Colette on the other side of Genis, her hand on his shoulder, lip quivering. Genis pulled away from him and hugged Colette tight to him, much to her surprise. “Genis, you…” she started, slowly returning the embrace. “You didn’t...mean all those things you said...did you?”

“I…” Genis sniffled, and held her by arm’s length, smirking a little. “I...was a real jerk, wasn’t I?”

“You were,” Lloyd answered. “I accept your apology, but...that doesn’t make what you said to us okay by any stretch.”

“Lloyd…” Colette said, their eyes meeting.  _ Col, you’d forgive him in a second, wouldn’t you? _

_ (don’t you?) _

_ I...do. But I-- _

“I-I know.” Genis let go of Colette and held one of his arms instead. His voice was nearly a whisper. “I know that.”

Silence fell between them, at least until Lloyd took Genis’ arm. “Come on,” he said, tugging him toward Sheena and Zelos. “We’re not the only ones you need to apologize to.”

Sheena immediately took a step back as soon as they were within arm’s reach of him, but Zelos stood his ground, arms crossed. “So?” Zelos said, lip curling. “What’s the verdict? Do you still think we’re horrible, immoral heathens?”

Genis grit his teeth, not daring to look at him. “Listen...what I said to you...wasn’t fair. I-I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.” He huffed, and then finally made eye contact. “And I’m sorry I punched you.”

“Hm.” Zelos didn’t budge, and neither did Genis.  _ Oh no,  _ Lloyd thought. Colette clearly had the same train of thought, as she drew closer to him, her hands trickling down his arm.  _ I hope this doesn’t go south again.  _

“S-so…” Genis said, his hands once again clenched at his sides. “You’re dating my friends?”

Zelos nodded.

“That...means you like them a lot, right?”

“Buddy,” he said, his voice cracking slightly, enough for him to clear his throat. “I love them more than I’ve loved anyone else on this earth.”

“Z-Zelos…” Lloyd muttered.

“W-well…” Genis floundered, opening his mouth and closing it again a few times, caught off guard by his response. “Y-you...you’d better take care of them. B-because...they’re my best friends, and I...I miss them.”

“Judging by what you said last time, seems like a weird way to say it, don’t you think?” Zelos replied.

Genis winced. “L-look, I’m just trying to apologize, okay? I j-just want my friends back--”

“Does that mean you’re not going to be a bigot anymore?”

“I’m not a bigot!” 

“You sure sounded like one.”

_ “Shut up!”  _ They had leaned into each other’s faces, but as soon as Genis shouted, Zelos backed away, only moving his torso straight. “I was  _ wrong,  _ okay? I-if...you want to live together, and  _ be  _ together like that...w-whatever. I can’t tell you what to do.”

Zelos only looked between Colette and Lloyd, his face blank as a sheet. He shrugged and sighed, uncrossing his arms only to shove them in his pockets. “Fine. Guess that’s all I can ask for,” he said, waving his hand and turning back to the car. “You guys sort out whatever you need to. I’ll be waiting in the car.”

With that, he rushed off, his pace brisk until he got to the Mustang, where he went around to the back and leaned against the tailgate, staring up at the sky.  _ I should’ve known it wouldn’t be that easy for him,  _ Lloyd thought. “Sorry--”

“Don’t,” Genis interrupted. “We just...don’t get along. It’s not your fault.”

Colette fidgeted against Lloyd’s arm. “S-so...what should we do? We can come up and visit you next week…”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Lloyd agreed. “B-besides, we’ve still got to plan your graduation party!”

Genis smirked. “Y-you’d still...do that for me?”

“We can do  _ something, _ ” he replied, patting him on the back. “Something before you move into the dorms.”

“Thanks, guys,” Genis said, smiling for the first time since they saw him that day. “I mean, I’ll be right in Meltokio, so it’ll be easier for you to come see me, too. We can...w-we can do game nights, like we used to!”

“Yeah!” Colette exclaimed, her sunniness slowly returning to her. “Sheena can come over too!”

Sheena, who had been silently observing the whole time, nodded. “Yeah, we’ll see how my work schedule pans out.”

“Genis,” Colette said, biting her lip. “Um, if you don’t want Zelos there, he doesn’t have to come--”

“I don’t care,” he snapped, then reeled himself back, voice softer. “I-if...he wants to come, he can. It’s...it’s okay.”

“Okay,” Lloyd said, but Genis averted his eyes.  _ I don’t like the way he put that. If they don’t like each other, there’s no reason for them to interact. Is he...trying to accommodate for us?  _ “H-hey.”

“Hm?” Genis looked up, shaking his gray-white bangs out of his face.

“I’m glad you...don’t hate us,” Lloyd replied shakily. “I’m...really glad.” 

“Me too,” Colette agreed. “Oh, Genis--!”

She rushed forth to hug him, and soon Lloyd joined her, the three of them a tight knit of arms in the middle of the cul-de-sac.  _ Things did work out in the end, in some way. It’s not perfect...but it’s better than nothing. _

_ I’m glad this isn’t the end.  _

“You said you guys had to go get food, right?” Genis said, choked up in their embrace. “D-don’t...don’t let me hold you back.”

“It’s okay,” Colette replied immediately. “Although...we shouldn’t keep Z waiting.”

“She’s right,” Sheena interjected, and ey jerked eir head back toward the car. “We should get going.”

The three unlinked themselves, all of them wet around the eyes, and Genis nodded to both of them. “I-I’ll call you tomorrow or something,” he said, running a hand back through his hair. “We can make plans.”

“Definitely!” Colette cheered, then waved. “See you later, Genis!”

“Bye, Colette.” As she joined up with Sheena, who was already walking toward the car, he approached Lloyd, a hand out. “Lloyd.”

“Yeah.” Lloyd took it, and pulled him towards his chest in another half hug. “We’ll be seeing you, bro.”

Genis grinned. “You got it,” he replied, saluted him, and made his way back toward the rows of houses, a new skip in his step. 

When Lloyd jogged back to the car, Sheena and Colette had already settled themselves inside, but Zelos was waiting for him by the tailgate. “So is everything all cool, now?” he asked.

“In a way,” he replied, leaning next to him. “You don’t like that we made up, do you?”

“Eh,” Zelos replied, positioning his hand behind Lloyd’s back. “He’s your friend, not mine. I don’t like him, he doesn’t like me, tough shit.” He sighed. “Whatever you decide to do is your choice.”

_ That’s...awfully understanding of you,  _ Lloyd thought, side eyeing him.  _ But, I wonder-- _

_ “But,”  _ he emphasized, eyes narrowing. “If he decides to fuck with either of you again, I’m not going to play nice anymore.” 

“He’s not going to,” Lloyd insisted.

“Do you know that for sure?” Zelos pushed himself off the tailgate to face Lloyd, and he pushed his spiked hair back, leaning down to see eye to eye. “I love you both so much,” he murmured, forehead bumping against his. “I don’t want to see either of you get treated--l-like that again, okay?”

Lloyd’s hands wandered to Zelos’ sides. “I...know,” he replied, barely a whisper.  _ We love you too, so much... _

“Hey boys, are we getting food or what?” Sheena called from out the window. “You two can gay it up later!”

“‘Gay it up’?” Zelos chuckled, straightening up and letting go of Lloyd’s hair. “That’s a new one. Yeah, we’re coming.”

His hand wandered to his shoulder before pushing him over to the other side of the car, where he got into the driver’s seat.  _ Things  _ did _ work out,  _ Lloyd thought again, getting in the back beside Sheena.  _ But...it’s not necessarily a happy ending like I thought. Zelos and Genis aren’t magically going to be friends, and not everything’s going to magically be fixed.  _ He watched as Zelos shifted, stroking the side of Colette’s face before putting his hand behind the passenger’s seat to back out.  _ Guess that’s reality for you.  _

_ And if it means keeping those you love, I’ll take it.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray, we (kind of) made up with Genis! This came a little quicker than I intended, but then again, I don't know where I could fit in this resolution. So, it's here! As you can see, Sheena's settled on pronouns for emself, continuing down the road of gender discovery. This is a pretty heavy Zelloyd chapter...I try to give everyone equal attention, but I guess Lloyd and Zelos are feeling really gay together lately? I think we'll compensate later on...I always feel like I shaft Lloyd and Colette's relationship a little bit, but they've been doing this for ever and...so on and so forth, I'm babbling a bit now. They're all gay together.
> 
> Next chapter: we take the plunge and travel to Mizuho!


	46. Confrontation

The city limits of Mizuho were fairly large, but most of it was centered in a village business district on its east side, closer to Meltokio. Lloyd, Colette, Zelos, and Sheena rode in silence through the streets in Lloyd’s truck, the first bites of the fall breeze filtering in through the window. _We’re doing this,_ Lloyd thought, fist gripped tight around the wheel. _We’re going to talk to Sheena’s parents today to see if we can come to an understanding._

_I don’t know what’s going to happen._

“This is a mistake,” Zelos mumbled into his hand. Lloyd glanced into the rear view behind him, and saw him staring out the window. “There is _no_ way this will end well.”

“I-it won’t hurt to try,” Colette replied, sitting shotgun beside Lloyd. Her voice wavered.

“How would you know?” Zelos snapped, fingers curling into his palm. “I can tell you one thing, it--”

“Zelos, cut it out,” Lloyd said, glaring at him in the rear view. _We’re all on edge, and I thought Sheena would be the worst, but it’s him instead._ His eyes shifted over to Sheena, who was holding eir arms against em, trying to sink into the worn back seat. _Maybe ey are the worst off out of all of us, but he won’t keep his mouth shut. Sheena…_

“Mm, there, over there,” Sheena said suddenly, leaning forward and pointing to a side street. Lloyd had to jam on the breaks in order to make the turn, slowing to a crawl as he did so. “Th-that’s my street. Dad’s house...his house is...is…” The words choked in eir throat like a skipping record.

Lloyd pulled over on the side of the road and shifted it into park. “Hey, take it easy,” he soothed, hand on the back of Colette’s seat as he craned around. “Why don’t we walk down instead? Stretch our legs?”

Ey sighed and nodded quickly, hands shaking as ey tried to unbuckle eir seatbelt. Silently, Zelos steadied the buckle in order for em to pull it out, but didn’t wait for em to thank him, immediately unstrapping himself and slamming the truck door behind him. _We really should made him stay at home,_ Lloyd thought as he and Colette exchanged a look. _But he had_

_(“Z?”_

_Hitching breath, Lloyd could barely make out his form outlined in the bed, but he was sitting straight up, breathing hard. “Z, what’s--”_

_“G-go back to sleep, babe,” he whispered, a cold hand caressing his forehead, and gently pushing it back onto the pillow. “Just...go back to sleep.”)_

_a bad night last night, so I didn’t think it was a good idea._ He sighed and turned off the truck, locking it as soon as Colette shut her door. _We didn’t_ make _him come, just encouraged him. And he did agree, so…_

Colette waited for him to circle around, and she immediately held his hand, hers cold and clammy. “I’m nervous,” she whispered to him. “I don’t want to watch Sheena get yelled at…”

“I know, hon,” Lloyd replied, kissing the side of her face. Sheena walked up on his other side, a thin smile on her face, while Zelos lagged behind them a pace back. “We’ve just got to hope for the best. Maybe we can do something to help.”

“I don’t know,” Sheena said, shaking eir head. “I-I’m glad you guys came, really, but...who knows, they might send you away. Hell, he might not even understand you. Language barrier, you know.”

“Oh, yeah,” he mumbled. _I forgot all about that. They speak a different language than we do…_

Ey huffed. “I _know_ it’s going to be my dad that we’re going to be dealing with. Mom is just going to hide in the house, she hates confrontation and will just do whatever Dad says. That’s going to be hard enough, but if we attract too much attention, we could get others involved.”

Colette leaned forward. “Why? It’s not like the whole city’s going to gang up on you--”

“This whole street is _all_ Fujibayashi’s,” ey clarified, gesturing to the rows of houses. “Most of the people who live here are all related in some way. The family is...really huge and tight-knit.” Ey put eir head in eir hands, voice watery. “Ugh, this is going to be a-awful, I-I can’t do this--”

Zelos put a single hand on eir shoulder, but when ey looked back at him, he said nothing. “Z-Zelos…?”

“Everything’s going to be okay, Sheena,” Colette said, linking her arm with eir’s on the opposite side. “We’re with you, one-hundred percent.”

Ey sniffed hard, lip quivering. _It’s so hard to see em so broken up like this,_ Lloyd thought as they continued down the street. _Ey were always the tough one for us, the strong one. When we first went to Luin High, it was Sheena who showed us around and was our first real friend over there. Ey said there were a lot of bullies at that school, but we never saw them, thanks to em._

_And now…_

Sheena stopped near the end of the street, facing a blue sided, two story house. Lloyd put his arm around eir shoulder, holding em close. “Is this it?” he asked.

Ey nodded, trying to control eir breathing. “Y-yeah. This is it.”

“You can do this,” Lloyd assured. _We have to be strong for em, now._

“You can do it,” Colette repeated. “E-even if...even if things go bad…”

“I know, I know,” Sheena said, sighing. “You guys...wait out here, in the driveway.”

“But--” Lloyd protested.

“It’ll be better this way,” ey said. “Besides, you won’t kn-know what’s going on, I’m going to be speaking to him in our language. You’ll be able to see us…” Ey stared up at the door. “I don’t think he’ll let me inside.”

“All...all right.” Lloyd slowly let em go, while Colette hugged em tight in his absence. Zelos still lingered on the sidelines, watching, but not speaking. “We’ll be here.”

Ey smiled, as bravely as ey could. “I know.” With a deep breath, ey made her way to the front door, and with a moment’s hesitation, knocked on it three times. In the meantime, Lloyd, Colette, and Zelos waited in the middle of the driveway, watching precariously.

The door opened to what Lloyd recognized as eir uncle. _He’s the one who ran the shop ey work at. Well,_ used _to work at._ From the distance, he could see him hissing at em while ey tried to argue back, even speaking a phrase he recognized: “Where’s Dad?!”

Behind him, Zelos had his back turned, staring at the driveway and kicking a pebble on the ground. “Hey,” Lloyd said, walking over to him. “Are you okay?”

Colette noticed too, and when he felt both of their eyes on him, he simply shook his head, hiding behind a curtain of bright red hair. “Zelos,” Colette sighed, hugging him from the side, even when he didn’t respond. She stood on her toes to kiss his cheek, and only then did he move barely enough to return it on her forehead. “We can walk around if you want?”

“N-no,” he muttered. “No, we’ve got to stay for Sheena…”

“I’m sure ey can tell you’re not feeling well, too,” Lloyd said. Out of the corner of his eye, Sheena was still waiting at the front step, eir uncle having vanished from the doorframe. “I don’t think ey’re going to be offended if you--”

“I _can’t,”_ he emphasized. “I promised em directly…but I...I-I--”

“I can stay,” Lloyd said. What he assumed to be eir father had come out to the front of the house, a stocky, intimidating figure with long hair, and was listening to Sheena talk. “It’s okay--”

_“No,”_ Zelos snapped. When Colette flinched, he winced and held her close, then spoke softer. “No,” he repeated.

Lloyd placed a hand against his arm, letting it drag down its length. _Z…_ He wouldn’t look at him, trying to absorb himself in Colette’s presence, while she stood still against his chest. _Please, this is hard for all of us...I don’t want you to have a meltdown too--_

Raised voices caught his attention, and he whipped his head around back to Sheena’s parent’s house. Em and eir father were starting to get into each other’s faces now, and ey were gesturing wildly in reply to eir father’s steely gaze. “There it goes,” Zelos sighed.

“No, Sheena…” Colette whined, averting her eyes from the scene.

Lloyd crossed his arms as he watched from the distance. _I didn’t expect it to go south this quickly. They’re already arguing._ He found himself holding his breath. _Sheena’s always been more argumentative, so maybe--_

His train of thought stopped short when he saw Sheena’s father slap em hard across the face.

It made a sharp, smacking sound that seemed to echo in the streets. A few people had already begun to peer out their windows, even walk outside to see the fuss. Lloyd exhaled hard out his nose, rolling his sleeves up. “No,” he muttered. “I’m not going to just watch anymore.”

“Lloyd--!” Colette exclaimed, reaching out to grasp for his shirt, but made no effort to keep him there.

“I can’t, I can’t just stand by and do nothing!” he growled.

Zelos was still distant. “It’s your funeral,” he said apathetically.

Lloyd huffed and jogged over to the front steps, immediately stepping between Sheena and eir father, an arm out to shield em. _“Don’t touch em!”_ he barked.

Sheena grabbed him, trying to shove him out of the way. “Lloyd, _don’t!”_ ey insisted. He could see the red mark of a palm on eir face, eir eyes already watering. “Let me h-handle this--”

“I’m not going to let you get hurt!” he cried, struggling briefly before wrenching himself free from her grip. Eir father was taller up close than far away, and his lip curled at the sight of Lloyd. “L-listen, you have no right to hurt em like that! Ey’re still your kid, no matter what their gender is!”

_“Lloyd--”_ Sheena attempted to interrupt, but he ignored em.

“Ey’ve been working really hard, both for the family, and for emselves! And you just decide to...throw em out because ey’re different? What’s the sense in that? You’re still _family!”_ Lloyd’s heart pounded as he spoke, clenching his fists to keep them from shaking.

_(“I believe you can find a way to compromise, if you so desire.”)_

Kratos’ words echoed in his head once again. _Will it work here?_ He felt the adrenaline from the confrontation spike in the back of his head, as eir father’s thin, piercing eyes bore into his own. _I...want it to...I want em to be happy…_

Eir father sneered at him. “Are you...trying to tell me how to treat my own family?” he said, voice slow and heavily accented.

“Papa…” Sheena had shrunk back, eyes wide with fear.

“I-I don’t...I don’t think it’s fair,” Lloyd said slowly, doing his best not to cower himself. Eir father seemed to loom over him, like an enormous wall he had to surpass. “It doesn’t hurt you at all. Sheena is Sheena, no matter what!”

“Boy,” eir father said, scowling. “This is... _not_ your place.”

Lloyd hissed through his teeth. “Ey’re my friend, and it’s clear I care about em more than you do!”

_“Get out!”_ he bellowed suddenly, pushing Lloyd back with a stiff arm, right into Sheena. “I will call the police.”

“Papa, _teishi shimasu! Onegai!”_ Sheena pleaded. _“Naze anata wa kiite inai nodarou ka?!”_

_“Saru,”_ he said. Behind him, Lloyd could barely make out several figures lingering in the hall past the doorway. _Are those eir cousins? Brothers and sisters? Aren’t they going to do anything? Do they even...care?_ Eir father backed toward the door, and his tone shifted. “You are no longer my daughter.”

He slammed the door in both of their faces.

Immediately, Sheena ran up to it and kicked it, crumbling on the front steps. _“Damn you!”_ ey cried. “This is wh-what happened last time! H-he just...h-he just…” Eir voice disintegrated in a warbling mess of sobs.

“Hey, c-c’mon,” Lloyd said, starting to well up in frustration himself. He held a hand out to em, eyes darting at the windows. “Y-you don’t think...he’d _actually_ call the police, would he?”

“Who fucking knows,” ey sputtered, pulling emself up with his hand. “S-still…”

“I’m...I’m really s-sorry, Sheena,” Lloyd said, still holding onto eir hand. “I thought...I just thought--”

“I know, of course you did,” ey replied, smirking through eir tears. “That’s how you are, you’re a-always...s-so optimistic. B-but...r-real life...i-it doesn’t...doesn’t--”

_“Oy! Sheena!”_

“Huh?” Sheena perked up, spinning around. Lloyd followed suit, and spotted the man running at them from across the other lawn, long black bangs bouncing in his face. “Hayate?”

He panted, hands on his knees. “I heard…” he began, flipping his hair out of his face. Shortly, he fell back into a language Lloyd couldn’t understand, only able to pick up cues from his and Sheena’s expressions. _He’s the one who worked with em, right? From what ey said, he didn’t agree with em getting fired._

“What?” Sheena said, eir eyes wide. “You’d really do that? I-is that…” Ey sniffled hard, wiping eir face.

Hayate nodded, then glanced at Lloyd. “I’m taking Sheena,” he said to him. “I hate this place, too.”

Sheena’s face split into a grin, and ey jumped in to hug Hayate, spinning him around as ey did so. The force of it nearly knocked him over, and he chuckled, patting her back. _Well...that’s something,_ Lloyd thought, rolling his eyes up to the sky to blink back his own tears. _It doesn’t hurt to be optimistic, does it? Maybe we couldn’t reconcile with your dad, but at least...you have some family who cares._

_And we still do, too._

Hayate muttered something in eir ear, and ey jerked up. “Oh, yeah.” They both made a rush off the lawn, and Lloyd followed shortly behind. He glanced back at eir parent’s house, seeing the reflections of eyes in through the open windows. _Creepy…_ He shook his head before heading back to his datefriends waiting at the edge of the driveway.

Zelos and Colette were still holding each other, but Zelos managed to put on a smooth face for them. “What happened?” he asked.

“W-well, what you’d expect,” Sheena replied. “But, Hayate said he’s going to let me room with him now!”

“Sheena, you could’ve stayed with us as long as you wanted,” Colette insisted.

“I know, but…” Ey sighed. “I want to feel more independent, and you guys...well, you’re all together, you know.”

“It doesn’t--” Lloyd started, but Sheena soon interrupted him.

“Besides, Hayate and I work pretty well together. He’s one of the few cousins who _isn’t_ an asshole.” Ey sniffled and stuck eir tongue out at him, to which he responded by pushing her shoulder.

Hayate cleared his throat. “It’ll only be a matter of time before they kick me out too,” he said. His voice had an accent, but it wasn’t nearly as pronounced as eir father’s. “I’m, er…”

He glanced at Sheena and muttered something in eir ear, to which eir eyes widened. “Oh! Yeah,” ey said. “You’re ‘in the closet’ still.”

_“Ohh,”_ Colette and Lloyd said at the same time. _That makes sense, then. A sense of camaraderie. Like it was with us._ “Where are you guys going to be living, then?”

“The other side of Mizuho,” Hayate replied. “It’s...not owned by the family, so it’s safer. I’ve already put a deposit down.”

“Are you still going to be working with Uncle?” Sheena asked.

“Don’t know. I’m looking for other work,” he said. “I’ll probably see…”

Sheena and Hayate continued to chatter, but Lloyd’s focus faded back to Colette and Zelos behind him. Colette had perked up considerably, but Zelos still seemed hazy around the edges, barely holding focus. Lloyd walked to his side and took one of his hands away from Colette’s waist to hold it in his own. He blinked down at him, with a small smirk. “Guess you’re right,” Zelos mumbled. “Sometimes things do work out.”

“I told you,” Lloyd replied. “You just have to believe in me.”

“Oh, I believe in you,” Zelos said, squeezing his hand. “Trust me, I do…”

“Hey, guys,” Sheena asked. “Let’s head back, that way I can go grab my stuff and get some things in order.”

“Sure!” Colette chirped. “I’m so glad this wasn’t completely awful…”

_Me too,_ Lloyd thought.

Sheena walked ahead of them, while Zelos and Colette unfurled from each other, still hand in hand. Lloyd kept Zelos’ hand tight in his grip, shoulder to shoulder. Instead of keeping up with Sheena, Hayate lingered behind with the trio. “Hey, thanks for taking...them in,” he said with a small smile, brushing his hair out of his face again.

“Of course!” Colette said. “We love Sheena, we’d do anything for em!”

“Sheena helped us out a lot when we were kids,” Lloyd added. “We have to return the favor as much as we can.”

“If it weren’t for Sheena, I’d have no one to play with~,” Zelos said, the first traces of energy entering his voice since they left their apartment. Lloyd grinned to himself. _He’s back._

_“Hey!_ I can hear you guys!” ey shouted, tilting eir head back. “Come on, if Dad really is going to call the police, we’d better get out of here fast.”

“What?!” Colette exclaimed, starting to dart ahead, dragging her chain of boyfriends along with her. “S-Sheena, we’re coming!”

“Angel, relax…” Zelos said, stumbling over his feet.

Lloyd followed suit, although slightly more coordinated. Sheena started to walk backwards, grinning at them chained together. _This is a whole new beginning for em,_ he thought. He caught eir eye, and ey winked at him before skipping to his truck. _We’ve got to help make it a good one._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! I pushed through this chapter because I wanted to get it done. Anything can be achieved with hard work and perseverance! This concludes the Sheena subplot--ey're not going to go away completely, obviously, but now ey've got a new, permanent home instead of a temp one with the gang. 
> 
> Also: I hate Google translate, sorry Japanese speakers. (The text just reads _"Dad, please! Why won't you listen?!"_ and _"Leave."_ ) Parental confrontation is apparently the line I draw when it comes to characters suffering, which is why the chapter's structured how it is. Even I can't take Sheena's dad scolding em, telling em ey're a worthless disgrace to the family...
> 
> Regardless, next chapter! A little introspective chat featuring Colette!


	47. Push

_ Rain, rain.  _ Lloyd could hear it pattering against the small window in Zelos room, barely big enough to let light into the deep blue room. A book lay open on his bare chest, some documentation about the history of forestry.  _ I should keep studying, but I kind of just want to sleep. It’s one of those days… _

Outside, from the living room, he could hear Colette giggling. “Z, stop it! Not right now…”

“Come on, kitten, won’t you play with me~?” He was teasing, per usual. Lloyd smirked to himself and shook his head.  _ Maybe they can have fun while I do...well, something-- _

“Really, Zelos.”

“Hmm~? I just want a little taste~.”

“I-I’m not in the mood, please.” Her tone grew less playful, more direct. The voices stopped, but he could hear some shuffling, and then a yelp.  _ “Zelos!”  _

Lloyd stopped breathing.  _ Uh-oh.  _ He slowly shut the book and set it on the nightstand, cluttered with miscellany, and sat up taller.  _ I should probably go out and see what happened. Flirty as Z is, he doesn’t usually try anything without explicit permission.  _

_ So, what did he try and do now…? _

Turns out, he didn’t have to leave. A sigh and footsteps pattered down the hall, and Colette stopped at the door, her hands clasped together. “Can I come in?” she asked plaintively. 

“Yeah,” Lloyd replied, sitting up fully, knees up with his arm draped over one of them. Colette shut the door behind her, leaning against it with a sigh. “What happened?”

She shook her head a little, then wandered over to the edge of the bed, where she sat herself down, balancing her bottom on the very corner of Zelos’ twin. “I-it’s nothing,” she said.

“Was Zelos being a jerk to you?” Lloyd asked.  _ Might as well just get to the heart of it. _

She chuckled. “A-a little. It’s not a big deal. I’m just…” She trailed off, fidgeting. “I’m just a prude, I guess.” 

“What?” Lloyd crawled over to her, an arm around her shoulder. “You’re not a prude, hon.” An image of her settled between his legs flashed in his mind.  _ Definitely not.  _ “What makes you think that…?”

“Well, I just--! Seems like…” Her shoulders slumped as she searched the cluttered floor for words. “It seems like every time one of you wants to have sex, I never want to. It’s like we don’t sync up, and I feel horrible.”

“Col…”

“Sometimes I feel like I’d be okay if I just...didn’t do it again, but I know that’s not how you guys feel.” She glanced up at him, eyes wide, brow crinkled. “A-and I know you two do it all the time, and I just feel…”

She paused, tucking a strand of hair behind her face. “I feel like there’s something wrong with me,” she whispered. 

“Colette…” Lloyd hugged her gently, running a hand back along her hair. “There’s nothing wrong with you, not at all. It’s okay if you don’t want to have sex all the time.”

“Is it? Is it really?” she said, knocking her feet against the foot of the bed. “I-I  _ know  _ everyone says relationships aren’t all about sex, but sometimes I feel like that’s a big part--”

“Honey,” Lloyd said firmly. “When you got sick and Z and I took care of you,  _ that’s  _ a big part. When Z wakes up from a nightmare and we make sure it’s okay,  _ that’s  _ a big part.” He reached for one of her hands, and cupped her face with the other, making sure he was looking directly at her. “When you smile at me and say you love me...that...that’s a big part.” 

He tilted his head and grinned, even as her eyes started to water. “Sex is just a perk. A really nice one, don’t get me wrong--”

She giggled, but was interrupted by a knock on the door. “Knock, knock.” Zelos’ voice was muffled in the hallway. “Can I come in?”

Lloyd made eyes at her, and only responded after she nodded. “Yeah, it’s okay.”

Zelos creeped in like a scolded puppy, head down, despite the small smirk on his face. “Hey,” he muttered, kneeling in front of Colette. He placed both hands on her knees, looking up. “Princess, I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay, Zelos,” Colette said, reaching for his hand to lace her fingers with his. 

“No, it’s not,” he replied, shaking his head vigorously. “I was an asshole, I-I just…” He licked his lips, speech caged by his teeth. “I don’t...I’m so...I…”

“Shh,” Colette soothed, squeezing his hand.  _ He’s really worked up,  _ Lloyd thought, as Zelos’ eyes darted everywhere, his other hand wringing the edge of his shirt.  _ This reminds me of whenever we meet new people, and he gets confrontational. He does it, and then he immediately goes into this spiral… _

“I-I’m sorry, I…” Zelos started again, sighing sharply out of his nose. “I d-don’t want you to think I’m some predator, I don’t want to scare you, I-I just...I--”

“You’re not, you’re not,” Colette assured. “I’ve never thought that about you.”

Zelos whipped his head up, eyes so wide Lloyd could see the whites all around them. “Really?” he replied.

She nodded with a small smile. “Mmhmm.”

He chuckled, still laced with anxiety. “Well, that’s a relief,” he said. “Don’t know what it’s going to take to fuck up enough that you’ll--”

“Z,” Lloyd interrupted. “Don’t talk like that.”

“Mmm,” he said, staring past them. “Y-you know, that used to be my tactic. T-to get people...into bed. I’d just...keep asking. And asking.” His voice trembled. “You get a bunch of ‘fuck off’s, and you’ll get a few without a fuss. B-but th-there...there were so many...so many ‘okay, I guess’ answers.” His breathing began to pick up. “Too many. Those were the one nights. They left so soon. I j-just…” 

He gasped, his head resting against Colette’s knee, grinding his forehead against it. “I w-was s-s-s-so  _ lonely.  _ I w-wanted someone t-to stay. I-I should’ve known...i-if I talked them i-into it, i-it wasn’t going to work out. B-but I’m s-so f-fucking  _ stupid--” _

“It isn’t like that anymore,” Lloyd said, a hand on his head. He tried to work his fingers around to lift up his chin, but he squirmed away just enough to make it impossible. “We love you, and we’re always going to be here for you.”

“You always have us,” Colette added. “E-even if...if I don’t a-always want to be in bed l-like that…” Her voice grew shy and quiet, trailing off into uncertainty. 

It was then that Zelos looked up, wide eyed again at Colette’s face. “I-I love you too, sweetheart,” he murmured.  _ He looks so tired,  _ Lloyd observed.  _ He really hasn’t been getting much sleep lately, has he?  _ “No matter what. I d-don’t want you to leave b-because...because I…”

He trailed off, and much to his surprise, she smiled. “You know what?” she said.

“What?”

“I thought the same thing, for a second. That I was afraid you guys would...would leave me behind, because I  _ wouldn’t  _ have sex with you all the time.”

Lloyd glanced between his two datefriends as the irony dawned on them.  _ Two sides of the same coin.  _ Even Zelos chuckled, just a little. “Of course not,” he said. “You’re the best... _ both  _ of you are…” He swallowed hard. “Hell, I’d cut off my own dick if it meant staying with you.”

Lloyd snorted. “You wouldn’t,” he said.

“I would! Honest to the Goddess herself,” he insisted, keeping an eye on Colette as she giggled into Lloyd’s shoulder. “If that’s what it’d take, I...I would.”

“Oh, Z!” Colette yanked on the hand she was holding to pull him up and hug him tight around the waist. Zelos only got halfway to standing, so he lost his balance and ended up flopping on top of her, squashing her on the bed. “Oops!” 

She burst into louder laughter, and it was contagious, infecting both Zelos and Lloyd into fits of giggles. Zelos stumbled to his feet, standing upright and letting her go. “You’re so cute,” he mused, sniffling. “What would I do without you?”

“Don’t answer that,” Lloyd said, warning in the back of his head.  _ Somehow, I don’t  _ want _ him to answer that, especially after that break.  _ “We’re with you. We’re here.”

His laughter faded as he ran a hand back through his hair. “Th-thanks,” he replied, nodding and sniffling again. “Yeah, thanks.”

“Z, do you want to watch a movie together?” Colette asked, bouncing back up on the bed. “Or maybe play a game? We could just cuddle on the couch, and--”

“I...don’t think so,” he said. “I think I’m gonna...go for a spin.”

“On the bike?” Lloyd asked, an eyebrow raised. “Z, it’s raining.”

“Oh, yeah.” He shrugged, backing up toward the door. “Well, then I’ll just go for a little drive with the car. Get some fresh air.” He backed up into the hallway with a small salute, voice smoothing out considerably. “We can...watch something a little later.” His face glazed over, and Lloyd's heart sank just enough. _The mask..._  


“S-sure,” Colette said slowly. She craned her neck as he strolled out, trying to keep an eye on him. “Z?”

“Yeah?” Lloyd heard the jingle of keys and fading footsteps.

“I-I love you!” Colette exclaimed, her voice high and bright.

A small chuckle. “Love you too, angel.”

The front door clicked shut, and Lloyd shifted on the bed. “I hope he’s okay,” he muttered, standing up. “I should’ve followed him…”

“Maybe he just needs some space,” Colette suggested. “Besides, you aren’t dressed.”

He looked down at his bare chest and boxers.  _ Oh, yeah.  _ “Still…”

“I think he just needs to let off some steam, he probably freaked himself out with all that,” she said, scooting back further onto the bed. 

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Lloyd replied.  _ If he’s freaked out, he might do something reckless, and then-- _

“Sweetie,” Colette said quietly, a hand on his lower back. “He’s not like he was before. He’s gotten a lot better, a lot more stable. I don’t think he’ll try and hurt himself again.”

“You think so?” _You didn’t have to pull him down from the bridge, ready to jump. You didn't see the look on his face. He was ready to die._ Lloyd blinked hard.

She nodded slowly, but her eyes shined with confidence. “He has us now, right?” Colette grinned and made a small fist. “Together, we can get through anything!” 

Lloyd chuckled and kissed her head.  _ That sounds like something I would say,  _ he thought. Still, he found himself staring into the empty hallway, Zelos’ smirking face burned into his mind.  _ I hope you’re right.  _

He spun around, eyes scanning Zelos’ room to find order among the clutter. “Hon? Could you call my phone?” he asked.

“Sure.” She pulled hers out of her jean pocket and pressed a couple buttons, holding it out in front of her as it dialed. “You keep teasing me for losing things, but you’re the worst with your phone.”

“Usually it’s in my pocket, but these don’t have pockets--!” Lloyd retorted, patting his hips. Soon enough, he heard a tinny ringing sound, coming more toward the hallway than anyplace else. “There we go…”

He bounded out, keeping an ear for the sound, and soon found it buzzing frantically on the kitchen counter, next to the coffee maker. “Got it!” he called back, and quickly brought up the messaging application. All he had to punch in was a “Z”, and Zelos’ contact came right up as he opened a new text message box.

_ “Be safe”,  _ he typed, and mashed the “SEND” button, tongue against his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This came...pretty quickly! Not to mention it took a pretty dark turn, something I didn't expect. Colette is demi, for all intents and purposes. I think there was a reason I made Lloyd shirtless this chapter, but I might've just forgotten? Who cares, handsome Lloyd.
> 
> I'm not going to tease the next chapter, but just have some good thoughts for Zelos Wilder. He's going to need them...


	48. Third Attempt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader discretion is advised.
> 
>  
> 
> _I wish you could know better than you do with parted lips pointed down,_  
>  That the whiskey soothes more than you could ever do.  
> ...And if I were sober, would I rip hearts apart like paper?  
> And what a difference it makes...
> 
>  
> 
> "State Street Residential", Death Cab For Cutie, _You Can Play These Songs With Chords_

Colette wasn’t quite asleep, still dozing, when her phone started buzzing on her side of the nightstand. Her heart jumped from the noise, and she scrambled for it, grasping it tight in her hand so its vibration wasn’t as obtrusive. Thankfully, Lloyd stayed asleep, only a stir in his snoring from the disturbance. She took a closer look at the blinking screen, and it displayed a number she didn’t recognize. _Who would call this late…?_

Nonetheless, she flipped it open, holding it up to her ear. “Hello?” she muttered groggily.

 _“Hi there, this is, um…”_ The voice was high and nasally, as if it were fidgeting. _“This is Emil Castagnier, from the TU radio station. I-Is this Colette?”_

“Yeah, this is she,” she replied, sitting up. “Hi Emil, what’s going on?”

He sighed. _“Well, um…”_ Another pause. Her eyes darted to the red display of the clock beside her: 12:27 AM. _“Zelos hasn’t shown up for his show.”_

“What? R-really?” _It’s way past time, he should already be at the station by now…_

 _“Yeah. Uh, he told me a while ago that if he didn’t show up without calling first, to call you or Lloyd Irving,”_ he said. _“He was really adamant about it…”_

“Okay,” Colette said, swinging her legs out of bed. The bedroom door was shut, but a faint light filtered in from the crack in the bottom. _I don’t remember me or Lloyd closing the door._ “Ah...l-let me call you back once I can get a hold of him. I-is this...the station number you’re calling from?”

 _“No, it’s my cell. That’s okay, though.”_ Colette’s heart pounded in her chest as she wandered around the dark room, caged by her own anxiety. _“Jeez, I hope everything’s okay. Let him know that I’ll cover his show for today, n-no problem.”_

“Thanks, Emil,” she replied. She had finally wandered in front of the door, twisting the handle with pressure so it made as little sound as possible when she opened it. “I’ll...talk to you later and let you know.”

_“Okay. Bye.”_

She snapped the phone shut and walked slowly into the hall. The only light that was on was the one over the bar, dimmed down to cast yellowy shadows all over the kitchen. At the foot of it, stood Zelos, hunched over, motionless. _Why…_ Colette swallowed thick, her hands cold and clammy. “Z-Z?”

He didn’t respond, didn’t even flinch. Colette circled cautiously around him. His eyes were fixated on the table, blinking slowly. On the table in front of him was a pill bottle, an empty bottle of bourbon as well as another one that was half full, a tall drinking glass, and a notebook covered in messy, scrawling print. The half full bottle, interestingly enough, had a pair of angel's wings engraved on the back. _Where did he get all that alcohol? Maybe one was here that Lloyd got, but usually the cupboards are dry. “No booze in the house” is his rule._

Colette bit her lip. _He never really told us why._ “Zelos,” she said, more firmly this time.

His head lifted just slightly, eyes making the least amount of movement in order to see her. “Oh, angel,” he murmured. “What’re you...doin’ up so late?”

 _Oh, no._ His voice wasn’t as heavily slurred as it was the first time she had seen him drunk, but the hints were still there. “Th-the station called,” she replied. “Why aren’t you at radio tonight?”

He shook his head, blindly reaching a hand over to sloppily drag it down her face. “Don’t matter,” he said. “Don’t matter a bit.”

Colette could hear herself breathe in the quiet of the night, and the tension of it made her heart pound even more. “I-I…” she started. “I-I thought...I thought you’d...you…”

She trailed off as Zelos opened the pill bottle, briefly struggling with the safety cap, and dumped a couple dozen small, white pills out of it. “I’m glad I get to see you ‘fore I go,” he said. “K-kind of. Don’t wanna...wanna make you upset..”

“Z, don’t--” Colette pleaded weakly, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Please, tell me what’s wrong…”

“It’s too late, honey,” he said, a lifeless depth to his voice. “I figured it all out already. A-all I can do is...make you upset anyway.” His chest hitched, and he tucked his head down toward the table, hands clawing at the top of his head. “Mmngh…”

“N-no, that’s not true--”

“I’m _tired_ of that,” Zelos said sharply. “Y-you don’t have to...t’fuckin’ _baby_ me any...anymore. I _know_ I’m terrible. I’m t-terrible b-because...because...I-I just _used_ you. I-I...used you both.”

“Zelos, what are you talking about?” It took all of Colette’s energy to keep her shoulders back, stand tall, and hold back the pricking behind her eyes.

“I thought...m-maybe...you could make me better,” he stammered, reaching for the alcohol. He poured a glass, almost to the brim, splashing it everywhere and letting the heavy bottle hit the table with a _thunk._ “But you _can’t._ N-no one can. I-I’m a fuckin’ wor-worthless, terrible, c-coward of a person, a-and that’s wh...what I’m always gonna be.”

“Zelos, stop that!” Colette said, holding his shoulders more firmly. “That’s _not_ true! We--”

“Sh-shut up!” he cried, standing up straight and shrugging her off him. Tears were already streaming down his face. “Fuck, Col, don’t make this any...any harder than it needs to…”

 _“Lloyd!”_ she shouted down the hall. “Zelos, _please!_ Please don’t--”

“J-just _let me go!”_ he wailed, clawing at his bare arms as he stumbled around the kitchen. “L-let me g-go, please _let me die,_ I d-don’t deserve...I d-don’t deserve _any_ o-of this--”

Colette tried to follow his steps, but his wandering kept him just out of her reach without forcing her to make sudden movements. “I-I don’t want you to go!” she whimpered. “Y-you’re too...important--”

 _“I’m not!”_ he retorted, and made a dash for the counter. He grabbed the glass full of alcohol in one hand, and a handful of pills in the other. The alcohol sloshed everywhere, and he hesitated for a split second, sucking in hard through his teeth. _No, no, no!_ Colette lunged for him, managing to spill the pills out of his hand, scattering like marbles across the floor. _“Damn it!”_

Zelos shoved her backwards with his now empty hand, into where the corner of the hallway met, the force making her smack her head hard against the wall. “O-ow--!” she yelped, sliding down to the floor. He stared down at her, a frozen look of panic on his face. _Zelos, why?_

_We love you so much…_

_Please, please don’t leave us…_

_Please don’t kill yourself…!_

The commotion finally roused Lloyd from the bedroom, rushing down the hall. Zelos, upon hearing his footsteps, broke his paralysis by aggressively chugging the bourbon in the glass, streaks of liquid running down the side of his face. “Hey, what the hell is going on?” Lloyd asked, kneeling at Colette’s side.

“D-don’t...don’t worry about me--!” she replied, even as her head throbbed. “Zelos is...is…”

Her sentence was interrupted by a punctuated wail. _“No!”_ he yelled, eyes wide, hands partially covering his face. “N-no, no, no...I-I’m a fucking... _monster--!”_ He sobbed hard, clawing at his arms again, digging as deep into his skin as his nails would allow. “I-I should’ve--should’ve just b-bought a fuckin’ gun, th-then this would all be over--”

“Z!” Lloyd stood up immediately, catching Zelos and holding him tight by the shoulders. “Were you--”

“Yes, yes _yes!_ I was, let fucking _go!”_ He jerked out of his hands, shoving him aside. _“You can’t fucking save me this time!”_

He slammed his fists on the bar, crying and wheezing. Colette managed to stand up, in time to see blood beginning to seep from Zelos’ scratched arms. _This is bad, this is really bad,_ she thought, not bothering to stop her tears anymore.

She took one step forward, and then another, reaching out slowly to his back once again. _I don’t want to startle him, or else he might_

_(hurt me)_

_do something…_ She winced and brought her hand back down, back to hug her arms and let out a few sobs of her own. _And this is...what he was afraid of, wasn’t he?_

_(“I’m not...gonna hurt you.”_

_“I would never hurt you.”_

_“Please don’t be scared of me.”)_

_Zelos…_

He growled, picked up the empty glass, and hurled it across the living room, letting it shatter against the front door. Broken glass glittered in the dim light from the kitchen. “This is what you fucking _get!”_ he roared, stumbling toward it before crumbling to his knees. He gasped as he rocked back and forth, still clawing at himself, still bleeding, now dripping onto the floor. _“I-I want t-to die!”_ he sobbed. “J-just l-let...let me _die!_ I ca-can’t d-do this a-anymore…”

Lloyd made his way from the back of the sink, taking slow, even steps past Colette and over to Zelos. “Honey?” he asked, voice soft. “Could you get me some water?”

She nodded, immediately walking to the cupboard to get a drinking glass. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as Lloyd treaded closer and closer. _“Don’t!”_ Zelos yelped just as he was almost directly over him. “D-don’t...d-don’t _touch me!_ L-leave me...leave me alone…”

“No,” Lloyd replied, the slightest waver in his voice. “No, not like this.”

“I _hate_ m-myself, a-and n-n-no matter...no matter _what_ you do, y-you c-can’t...you _can’t fix me!”_ Zelos disintegrated into more tears as Colette ran the tap. _“You can’t fix me! You_ cuh-cuh- _can’t…!”_

“Shh,” Lloyd managed to kneel down to his level, brushing away some broken glass. _How can you stay so calm? So strong?_ Colette struggled to keep the glass full of water she was carrying steady, the combination of her sweaty palms and shaking hands making it a difficult task.

Lloyd gently placed a hand on Zelos’ shoulder, and when he didn’t flinch away, it turned into a full embrace, rocking with him on the floor. “It’s okay,” he murmured, kissing his head. “I’ve got you, it’s okay.”

Zelos continued to cry, more muffled by Lloyd’s chest, as Colette knelt beside the two of them, setting the glass of water aside. “Lloyd,” she asked. “Do you think...we should call the hospital?” _I don’t know if we can help him with this anymore._

He shook his head. “It’s not an emergency, we can take him ourselves.”

This seemed to put Zelos over the edge. _“No!_ Pl-please d-don’t, n-not that, no, no _no--!”_

“Z, we need to get you _help,”_ Lloyd said. “A-at least a therapist, or something. I don’t want this happening again.” He inhaled sharply, lip quivering. “N-no, we _can’t…”_

His head drooped onto his shoulder, his back hitching, and Colette scooted forward to hug them both, stretching her arms as wide as she could to keep them in her embrace. “We love you, Zelos,” she said, kissing whatever was visible--his head, his shoulders--over and over. “W-we would miss you so much i-if you...you…”

She let the sentence fade, unable to complete it. She suddenly felt out of breath, gasping for air, buried in Zelos’ long, red hair. Underneath it, he was beginning to settle (certainly not screaming anymore), weakly crying. “I-I’m sorry,” he blubbered. “Th-this is...this is all m-my f-fault…”

“We’re here,” Colette said.

“We’re _always_ going to be here for you,” Lloyd whispered.

Zelos sniffed hard, bringing on a fresh wave of tears. “I-I don’t...deserve you,” he muttered, shaking his head as his arms flinched under them. “I don’t...deserve you at _all…”_

“Babe…” Lloyd broke apart from Zelos just enough to try and coax his head up. It took some effort, but eventually he looked up at him, blue eyes glimmering with tears. “When are you going to see what we see in you?”

Zelos glanced back and forth between him and Colette, his face blotchy and tear stained, and he just shook his head vigorously. “I don’t know. I d-d-don’t…”

“Here, why don’t we go get you cleaned up?” Colette suggested, lifting one of his arms. It was streaked in blood, scratches smeared all over his pale skin. She was relieved to see that his other arm was not nearly as bloody, but still scratched. “You don’t want these to get infected…”

Zelos whimpered as she tugged on him. “F- _fuck,_ th-those a-are gonna scar...th-then I’m gonna...I’m g-gonna--”

“Shh, it’s okay,” she insisted, kissing him very gently on his chapped, shaking lips. “Don’t worry. We’ll make you better in no time.” She smiled, even as her mind nagged her. _We really do...need to take him to a professional, though. Three suicide attempts over the course of six or so months is...way too many. And who knows if there were more we never knew about…_

“A-angel…” Zelos mumbled, sniffling and cupping her face in both of his hands. “I-I’m sorry I h-hurt you...sweet angel…”

“I-it wasn’t anything,” she replied, kissing the insides of his wrists. “Promise.”

He managed to smile, just barely, wavering and uncertain. Lloyd tugged on the collar of his shirt, and he jerked over to him. “L-Lloyd…”

Lloyd nodded before kissing him, his eyes squeezed shut tight, and Colette could see more tear drops leaking from them. “Y-you know,” he whispered, “you know I’ll grab you from a hundred bridges, if that’s what it takes. D-doesn’t make me...any less scared.”

Zelos forehead knocked into Lloyd’s as he sighed. _That’s how I feel, too,_ Colette thought as she slowly rose to her feet. She wobbled in place as shattered glass gleamed up at her. _We have to clean this up, or else someone’s going to get hurt._

“C’mon.” Lloyd hoisted Zelos up to his feet, and Colette helped steady him. “We’ll wash and bandage you up, then you can sleep in the middle tonight. We’ll...figure out everything else in the morning.”

“I’ll take tomorrow off, from both class and school,” Colette said, hugging Zelos as they made their way down the hall.

“N-no, y-you don’t…you don’t--” Zelos protested.

 _“No,_ we need to. I will too,” Lloyd said firmly, flicking on the lightswitch in the bathroom. “I don’t want to leave you alone right now…”

“Goddess, th-this is just like when we first met,” Zelos complained. “I-I’ll be over it in the morning, I…” He paused, gaping at his sallow, sunken face in the mirror. “I...can take...care of myself…” His voice became ghostly, unconvinced.

Colette reached into the cupboard by the sink and searched for medical tape and gauze _(Those scratches are too long for normal bandages,_ she mused). “Things...have changed a lot since we first met,” she replied.

Zelos snickered to himself, even through his lingering tears. “I-I guess. I mean, we hadn’t banged yet-- _fuck, ow!_ That stings--!”

Lloyd had begun to run water over Zelos arms, gently washing them with a cloth. “Some things never change,” he muttered. “Hon, do you have the bandages?”

“Mmhmm,” she said, holding her arms out. He took the roll of gauze first and began wrapping it around his arm, ending up going from his wrist to his elbow. “Z, you have a lot of first aid stuff here.” _Odd, since he never seemed to keep any food in stock until we came around, yet he has enough bandages and medicine to last forever._

“Just in case,” he said. “For...well, you know... _this.”_

Lloyd tucked the gauze inside itself, then went to wash off his other arm, significantly less scratched than the other. “I think I’m going to leave these ones alone,” he said, squinting at them. “They don’t seem to be bleeding anymore, just surface scratches.”

“Okay.” As soon as Lloyd went to rinse the washcloth in the sink, Zelos’ arms fell to his sides, limp and tired. “A-ah, I’m...I-I’m sorry you have to...to deal with such a f-fuck up like me.”

“Stop apologizing,” Lloyd replied. “Z, you’re _worth_ all the trouble.”

“You’re better than you give yourself credit for,” Colette said, lacing her hand in with one of Zelos’ own. “You’ve been through so much…”

He nodded slowly. “I’m...tired, that’s all. I’m tired...of being me.”

 _B-but why?_ Colette thought instantly, even as her mouth filtered her from speaking. _You’re clever and funny, and sweet, and you can handle things better than you think you can. How could you hate yourself like that…_

_...when we love you so much?_

“Let’s go get some sleep,” Lloyd said with a yawn. “Get you in the middle, nice and cozy.”

“Crying wears you out, th-that’s for sure,” Zelos remarked, squeezing Colette’s hand. “I’m going to have...another bad hangover tomorrow, though…”

He leaned over and kissed Lloyd’s head, then Colette’s, before staring up at the ceiling as they guided him to the bedroom. “Right now, though, I just want to sleep.”

Colette nodded to herself. _Me, too._ She glanced up at Zelos, who looked down just in time to catch her eye, returning it with a small smirk. _I’m glad you’re still alive, Z._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 3/4/16: Added a song to the top of the piece.
> 
> For those of you following the meta blog, you knew this was coming. Poor Zelos...
> 
> This gives a little insight into the time frame of this story--Colette's birthday is at the beginning of spring, and they started the school year recently, so it's been a span of around 6 or 7 months? Time is still strange in this story, each chapter isn't day by day. I think that's all I've got, other than "sorry for more pain time". 
> 
> Next chapter, Zelos goes to therapy.


	49. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Take back your life, let me inside.  
>  We'll find the door, if you care, if you care to anymore._
> 
> "Desperately Wanting", Better Than Ezra, _Friction, Baby_

“Col?”

She shook her head, coming back to the preset at the sound of Lloyd’s voice. They were seated in a small, white waiting room, with only two chairs, a rack of magazines, and a small noise machine to keep them company. The white noise box hummed to itself in front of the office door. Lloyd would not take his eyes off her. “Honey?”

“Mmn, I'm fine,” she said finally, realizing that she was squeezing his hand unusually hard. She let out a breath that she had clearly been holding, loud in the mostly quiet room. “I'm okay.”

“It's okay to be nervous,” Lloyd soothed, kissing her temple. “Hell, I am too, to be honest…”

“I just...want him to be okay,” she whispered, throat feeling tight. “I want Zelos to feel better.”

“Me too, hon,” he replied, resuming a stare at the door. “Me too.”

Colette relinquished Lloyd’s hand in order to tighten her ponytail, high on her head, and Lloyd rubbed her thigh.  _ She’s been tense all morning, from when we got up, to when we dropped him off, to right now,  _ Lloyd thought, a wrinkle in his brow.  _ She didn’t even want to step out to get ice cream, or anything. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her so worried.  _

He put an arm around the seat of her chair, looking back to the window behind him. The view was crowded with buildings, but the crisp blue of the fall day still managed to pierce through, only a few, wispy clouds floating across it.  _ She was always the one to say, “don’t worry, it’ll be fine”. Sometimes, she was more optimistic than me. _

_ She really believed that Zelos was out of the water for good.  _

The door clicked open, and both of them jumped, Colette immediately standing up. Zelos strode out, finishing his conversation with the woman inside. “Yeah, I’ll be in next week,” he said to her, before turning fully to face his datefriends. He sounded stuffy, and his eyes were red and puffy. “Don’t tell me you were waiting the whole time? It’s been a couple hours--” 

Colette rushed up to him, wordlessly, and hugged him around the middle, her eyes squeezed shut. “Oh, sweetie…” he murmured, running his hand over her ponytail, flipping it a couple times. He glanced up to Lloyd, meeting his eyes.  _ Z… _

“So, h-how’d it go?” Lloyd asked. The trio made their way out into the stairwell, down two sets of stairs, and back onto the street. The air was cool, Colette clung to Zelos’ waist for warmth.

“Eh, all right, I guess.” Zelos sighed and sniffled again. “Ah, it’s just fucking  _ exhausting,  _ that’s all. Y’know, despite them having all my records, I still have to tell  _ all _ my trauma over again.”

Lloyd nodded. “Will you be okay with this person?” he asked.  _ We had a lot of choices around the area, but we picked this one because it was closest to us.  _

“I’ll have to see,” he replied. “Still haven’t dropped the poly bomb yet. We’ll see how _that_ goes next time.”

“Ah.”  _ That’s always going to be an issue for us now, isn’t it…?  _ Lloyd stared at the sidewalk and leaned into Zelos’ shoulder.  _ Guess that’s what we signed up for.  _

“She wants to run me through a full psych evaluation,” Zelos said, hands planted just behind his hips. “Don’t know why, they did one at the hospital…”

“Maybe it was just preliminary,” Colette said. “I don’t remember them diagnosing you.”

“Just depression,” Zelos said. “There’s a lot more shit going on than just that. That’s just the  _ tip--”  _ He poked the sky, right above his head. “--of the iceberg.” He chuckled to himself. “Ah, I probably run the gambit of personality disorders, and trauma based ones…”

When Lloyd and Colette had no reply, he continued. “I think I know what it’s for, anyway. I think she wants to put me on meds.” He shook his head and grimaced. “Man, I’d  _ really  _ rather not…”

“How come?” Colette asked, looking up at him. She looked rather cute, in a denim jacket that was a little big for her, but it was marred by the worry in her deep, blue eyes. “M-medicine is supposed to make you feel better, right?”

“Yeah, but…” Zelos trailed off. “I don’t know, I just have bad history with it. When--” He started, then he stopped, waving his hand. “Nah, never mind.”

“It’s okay,” Lloyd said, nudging him. “You can tell us.”

Zelos bit his lip, scuffing his foot on the asphalt, then continued. “After Mom died, Seles was fine, for the most part. But me, on the other hand...well, you know.” He gestured to himself, then ran a hand back through his hair. “I was all kinds of fucked up, so they just drugged me up to make me behave, pretty much.”

“What?!” Colette exclaimed. “That’s awful!”

“Well, it was doctor prescribed, so maybe not,” he replied. “And it worked, for a while. Until it didn’t.” He smiled, but there was no emotion behind it. “Psych meds are tricky like that.”

“Ah...” Lloyd said.

Upon seeing his face, Zelos mussed his hair. “But, I didn’t have anyone really keeping an eye on me before,” he said, then wrapped his arms around Lloyd and Colette’s shoulders. “Now, I have you guys so that I don’t go off the deep end.”

“S-sure, but…” Colette stammered, suddenly closed in on herself, wrapping her arms to her shoulders. “W-we...didn’t do such a good job before…”

“Col--” “Angel--” Lloyd and Zelos spoke at the same time, stopping dead in the middle of the sidewalk. The boys surrounded her as her eyes grew wide with surprise.  _ Hon, you don’t have to blame yourself-- _

_ (but, don’t you?) _

“Sweetheart, look at me,” Zelos said, bending over just enough so they could see eye to eye. “What happened that night was  _ not your fault.”  _ He punctuated each word softly, then kissed her nose. “Don’t blame yourself for me being awful.”

“But you’re  _ not  _ awful!” she replied. “I-if we could have done something more for you--”

“Ah, ah, ah!” Zelos said, pushing a finger to her lips. “You do more for me than I could’ve ever dreamed of.”

Something nagged in the back of Lloyd’s head. “B-but, Z,” he said. The other two turned their heads at him, and suddenly, his thought dispersed, making him have to reach for words. “You...you still...t-tried to hurt yourself again, e-even with us around.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I think we  _ both  _ thought...that wouldn’t happen again.” 

_ (that’s not entirely true, is it? _

_ you knew it was only a matter of time)  _

Zelos eyes wandered ahead, cool and distant. “Neither did I,” he muttered. “Neither did I.” 

Silence fell between them as the wind picked up.  _ Maybe...we all overestimated ourselves,  _ Lloyd thought.  _ We’re not superheroes, we can’t do everything… _

_...even when we want to. Even when it feels like enough.  _

“W-well,” Colette piped up. “Y-you’re going to therapy now, s-so that should help.” She wiggled her arms so her hands were completely covered by her jacket. “Maybe it’ll help you talk to us more when you’re feeling bad.”

Zelos nodded. “Hopefully,” he said. “I’ll try not to close up. And not to drive out and buy booze when I’m feeling shitty.” He shook his head. “Doesn’t help that there’s a corner store a block away. Imagine what that was like when I  _ was  _ an alcoholic.” 

He snickered, ushering the other two to join in nervously.  _ How can you be an alcoholic at 25?  _ Lloyd shook his head.  _ Never mind. I’m not sure I  _ really  _ want the answer to that.  _ “So, what do you want to do now?” Lloyd asked instead.

“Take a nap,” Zelos answered immediately. “I’m so fucking tired…”

“Um, I think…” Colette said shyly. “I think I want ice cream now…”

“Of course you do, now,” Lloyd teased, kissing her temple and taking her hand. “It’s up to Z, if he’s feeling up to it.”

“Anything for my angel~,” Zelos replied. He took her other hand and kissed it gingerly, watching in glee as her cheeks glowed pink, and not just from the crisp, fall air. 

They continued on their way down the sidewalk, taking a turn at the next block. “Oh, you know what I was thinking,” Colette said. Her voice had ramped up a bit of energy, and Lloyd felt relief in his chest because of it. “What are we going to do for Thanksgiving this year?”

“Oh yeah,” Zelos said. “You guys actually visit your families for that, don’t you?”

“Of course we do!” Colette said. “Don’t you--”

“Remember, honey, Seles and I weren’t on speaking terms for a good few years,” Zelos remarked. “When we were kids, we always ate together at the mansion, with some of the distant family, but I don’t know about now…”

_ That’s right. Zelos doesn’t really have much in the way of “family”.  _ He bit his lip.  _ He does have us, now.  _ “Well, usually Col and I go to Dad’s for lunch, then to her place for dinner. You could just tag along with us, then we could all go over there--”

“Nah, I’m not going to drag you all the way out there when you’re already in Iselia,” he said.

“So, this means you  _ are  _ going to go see Seles?” Colette asked.

“Yeah, yeah,” he replied. “I’ll live. It’s...not so bad.” Zelos smirked to himself.

Colette pursed her lips. “Then we have to try and divide ourselves between three families, still…”

_ Four,  _ Lloyd thought to himself, but didn’t mention it. “Well, we can all go to Dad’s, I’m sure he won’t mind,” he said. “Then, uh...you can go to see Seles, Z, and Col can go with her family.”

“You mean I miss out on dinner with a preacher’s daughter?” Zelos exclaimed sarcastically. “Oh, what a damn shame.” 

“Z…” Colette sighed, rolling her eyes, then returned her attention to Lloyd. “But...what about you, then? Are you going to stay at your dad’s place?”

“Uh, well…” Lloyd waffled, looking away from them. “I thought that...well…”

Zelos caught on far in advance. “Oh Martel, don’t tell me,” he groaned. “You want to make time for  _ Kratos, _ too?”

Lloyd winced. “Well, it’s been a while, since I don’t have class with him anymore...a-and I  _ do  _ still kind of want to keep in touch--”

“Sure, yeah, whatever,” Zelos sighed. “Whatever floats your boat, babe…”

“Hey, guys, the ice cream place is right here!” Colette exclaimed, pointing across the street. “Jeez, you almost just ran past it--!” 

“I can figure it out!” Lloyd said, only turning toward it at the intersection to acknowledge Colette. “Kratos isn’t a bad guy, he’s actually pretty cool once you get to know him.”

“He seems like a huge dick,” Zelos grumbled. “And that’s besides the obvious.”

“Guys, cut it out,” Colette said sharply, pulling them across the crosswalk. “If Lloyd wants to go see him, he can! It’s not like you’ll be going with him anyway.”

Zelos huffed and rolled his shoulders back. “Guess you’re right. He’s not  _ my  _ deadbeat dad.” He glanced over to him as Colette rushed for the door to the shop. Despite the disagreement, his look was rather soft. “Do what you have to do,” he replied. 

_ He loves me,  _ Lloyd thought suddenly, as Zelos winked at him. Shyness washed over him, grinning as turned his head, watching Colette’s ponytail bounce behind her.  _ We can do this. We can do this, all together.  _

Colette groaned at the door, jerking the handle. “What’s up, sweetie?” Zelos called over to her.

“This is awful!” she lamented, pouting at the boys. “It’s closed!”

“Oh no!” Lloyd said, opening his arms as she ran to hug him.  _ She was looking forward to trying this place out, too.  _

“Oh, well,” Zelos said, putting his hands in his pockets and surveying the crew. “Plan B?”

Lloyd didn’t quite trust the mischievous smirk on his face, but found himself returning it with a smile anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 2/3: Just added some lyrics to the top of the chapter. 
> 
> Totally wrote this thing all in one go! Just a little something to tie the loose ends of the last chapter to events coming in the future. Again, time is...something in this story. I was going back and forth between whether Zelos has a good therapy experience or a bad one...ended up leaving it to "time will tell". 
> 
> Next chapter is looking to be a steamy interlude~! I think we've earned it, after all that angst. It will involve all three of them, so it's going to be posted in here. If I can make it happen, I'll post a SFW cut of it on the [meta blog](http://jumpertosau.tumblr.com) for those who aren't interested in hot threesomes.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	50. Seconds & Thirds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains explicit sexual content. Viewer discretion is advised.

_ Mmn...how long have I been asleep? _

Zelos groggily blinked his eyes open, rolling in his bed.  _ Dunno why I still even keep this bed,  _ he thought, sitting up and rubbing his head.  _ Guess it’s just in case something like Sheena happens again. Emergency guest bed.  _ His bedroom door was open, flooding through faint gold light from the adjacent rooms.  _ It’s getting dark already, shit.  _ He stretched and flung himself off the bed, rubbing his eyes, dry and aching.  _ Now, to find the angels… _

He wandered out to the kitchen. “Lloyd?” he said, yawning. Peering around without anyone else in sight, he shuffled to living room. “Col?” It too was empty, save for two video game controllers on the couch.  _ They were out here, at least.  _ His heart pounded as anxiety crept through his brain.  _ What if they left?  _

_ Easy, Z. What’d that therapist lady talk about? Mindfulness, yeah. Besides, I haven’t checked  _ everywhere  _ yet.  _

Back through the kitchen, he meandered down the hall, pushing at the bathroom door. Dark and vacant. At last, he reached the other bedroom, which was closed, but not latched. As his hand touched the knob, he could hear small noises coming from inside. “Nn...mmn…”

Zelos’ eyes widened.  _ Oh, my.  _ He found himself grinning as he very, very carefully pushed the door open, measuring its pace so it wouldn’t draw attention.  _ What have we here…? _

Lloyd and Colette were lying back on the bed, limbs tangled together as they kissed passionately. They were both stripped down to their underwear--her in a cute, pink bra, him in his standard plaid boxers. Lloyd gripped the side of her waist as they mashed their faces together, gently indenting her soft, pliable skin. She moaned slightly, pulling at his back. In the meantime, Zelos leaned against the door.  _ I could watch this all day,  _ he thought, biting his lip.  _ They’re both so cute.  _

They paused to breathe, heads touching, heavily breathing against each other. Colette met his eyes, and a smile spread across her face. He returned it with a giggle, and soon they began kissing again, flopping back on the pillows. Lloyd was beginning to shift directly over her, straddling her to kiss her neck. “A-ahh…” she said.

Zelos found himself nodding, a hand over his mouth.  _ If he breathes in her ear after kissing her like that, she's going to go wild.  _ He shifted his feet, heat beginning to rise in the back of his neck.  _ Then  _ I’m  _ going to go wild, damn.  _

Lloyd sat back and coaxed her to sit up with one hand, as he unsnapped the latches of her bra, letting her breasts free. He ran a hand down one of them, and she shivered visibly before moaning and flopping back onto the bed. “Mmn--!” she cried, but Zelos could see her eyes wander to the door, over to him. “Z-Zelos?”

“Hm?” He realized his face was already hot. “Don’t mind me. I’m just...observing.” He ran his hand back through his hair, eyes fixated on his partners’ intertwined bodies. “Yeah.”

Lloyd glanced over his shoulder, a half smile on his face.  _ Oh Goddess,  _ Zelos thought fleetingly. “Why don’t you come on over?” he said, his voice carrying an airy smoothness. “I-I mean, I know you must’ve just woken up…”

“You’re inviting me in?” He strolled over to the bed, ripping his shirt off and tossing it aside as fast as he could. “You know I could watch you two all day. Just a bag of popcorn, a handful of lube--”

“Z!” Colette exclaimed as he crawled onto the bed, stripped down to his briefs. “You know you don’t-- _ aahh…”  _ She trailed off as Lloyd resumed kissing her neck.

“What’s that, honey?” Zelos asked, bringing his face down to the breast on the opposite side that Lloyd was on. “Didn’t quite catch that.”

“I  _ s-said... _ mmn…!”

He interrupted her immediately, kissing at her nipple, licking it until it became hard under his tongue. “N-nnn...mmn…” She continued to moan under the attention from her boyfriends, her thighs squirming. Zelos kissed up from her nipple all along the top of her chest, right to her collarbone.  _ You’re so soft, sweetheart.  _ His hand wandered along her hip, just above her pantyline. He found that Lloyd’s hand brushed there as well, and he worked his fingers around so he could lace them together.  _ It’s been a little while since the three of us all did this together.  _

Zelos removed himself from her breast to find her and Lloyd making out once again, in an intense lip-lock that made his heart skip from looking at it. He drew closer to her face, kissing her cheek, and when she felt it, she leaned back, breaking away. “A-ah…” she panted, short of breath.

In the next moment, he took the opportunity to kiss Colette, her lips already warm and swollen from before. She wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers dribbling down his back, and he found himself moaning a little himself. “Nnn…” 

Lloyd’s strong hands also found their way onto Zelos, as well as his lips on his neck, kissing up to his earlobe. His breathing in his ear made him shiver, made him break the kiss early. “O- _ ohh…”  _ he murmured. 

“Hey,” Lloyd whispered, and cupped his chin in his hands, pulling him in for a kiss of his own. Lloyd was more needy, more aggressive, biting his bottom lip as they kissed. As he leaned into it, Colette scooted around him, wrapping her arms around his waist. She pressed her warm, bare body against his back, hands sneaking lower, around his hips to the line of his briefs.  _ So much sensation,  _ Zelos thought, awash in heat.  _ And we’ve barely even gotten started-- _

Lloyd broke the kiss, breathing heavy and sneaking a look behind him to Colette. “Oh?” Zelos inquired, catching it immediately. “What was tha--”

Before he could finish, Lloyd grinned and pushed him back against the bed, Colette scooting just out of the way beside him, while Lloyd scooted down his legs, kissing through his hips until he reached his briefs. From there, he yanked them off unceremoniously, snagging a bit on his knees, revealing himself half erect and waiting. “S-say, thought you two were g-gonna... _ ah…”  _ Zelos stuttered as he began stroking him, grip firm and hard as he began to grow in his hand. “G-gonna...d-do ssssomething... _ mmmn…” _

“But then you came in,” Colette muttered, soft and sweet into his ear. Her hand trickled down his chest. “So, we can all do it together.”

He lolled his head back onto his shoulder, barely able to keep his eyes open to see her--rosy cheeks, her blonde bangs messy and askew, eyes lowered just enough to speak of her desire. “Ohh, honey,” he replied, shuddering as Lloyd picked up his speed. “We most certainly can…”

They began to kiss again, disjointed and sloppy as Zelos found it hard to keep his breathing steady. Every other kiss left a gentle moan in his mouth, and he drank it deep, running a hand down over her neck, her collarbone, her breast. After a few deep kisses, the sensation around his groin grew warm and slick.  _ “MmmNN!”  _ he moaned, blinking one eye open. Lloyd had his mouth around his cock, and he could feel his tongue sliding up the back of it.  _ Martel, he’s gotten good at this since we started dating… _

Colette kissed him again, but Zelos stopped her, pecking her cheek. “Angel, want to get on...mmmy other side?” he breathed.

She nodded and crawled over him to his opposite side, and he immediately reached down to her thighs, parting them gently with two fingers. He felt her twitch beneath his touch, and shakily slipped the tip of his finger beneath her pantyline. “Nnmm, c-can I... _ haah…” Talking is way too hard when I’m getting sucked off like this.  _ “Can I c-come in?” he asked. 

Colette giggled. “Yes,” she replied, her eyes sparkling. 

Her giggling was contagious, and he got caught up in it as his fingers crawled beneath her pantyline, one slipping almost immediately inside her with barely any pressure. She gasped and covered her mouth with one hand. “You’re really wet,” he said.  _ “Ah,  _ let’s see how well I can multi-task…”

The warmth and hardness in his groin only increased as Zelos began rubbing her clit in, slow, deliberate motions. She moaned into her mouth, her eyes fluttering shut, and he could feel her thighs tense around his hand.  _ “Mmn, oh…!”  _ He grinned at her noises, need only increasing in him the more she made.  _ Music to my ears… _

Lloyd switched from his mouth to his hand, wiping his lips. “You’re doing good, babe,” Zelos remarked, gazing down at him. 

“It’s a lot of work, though,” he replied, stroking his shaft once again. “My mouth gets tired…”

“Well, you don’t have to finish me like that--” Zelos dove a finger deep inside Colette, making her squeak and twitch. “If you make sure we have a few condoms out, we can try a whole bunch of different things.”

“Wh...what?” Colette panted. “Nn...wh-what d-do... _ haah... _ you mean, different?” 

“You know how we usually... _ mm!”  _ Sharp sensation rushed up from his thighs, and he saw that Lloyd had gone back to sucking on him once again. “T-take turns? I th-think...we’re ready to all participate together. You know, like a family.”

_ “Don’t,”  _ Lloyd said, with a mouthful of dick.

“We-we _are_...k-kind of like family, family we've chosen for o-ourselves,” Colette considered, opening one eye. “F-family are...the ones you love.”

Zelos craned his head closer to her, touching his forehead against hers. “That’s right,” he murmured, and began kissing her again, mouth open, with small noises escaping from his throat.  _ And Goddess, I love you. I love you. _

_ I love you… _

At the same time that Zelos and Colette broke their kiss, Lloyd rose from the former’s crotch and scooted up in front of them, kissing both of their cheeks. Sometime in the shift, he had taken off his boxers, revealing his own cock, hard and ready. Zelos felt his eyes drawn to it, and judging by his girlfriend’s wide eyes, so was she. “Nice,” he said. “You’re pretty ready too.”

Lloyd swallowed hard, breathing heavy and biting his lip. Zelos withdrew from Colette, fingers sticky, and met his eyes directly.  _ He wants it. He wants it so bad, even though he won’t say it,  _ Zelos thought, walking his clean fingers up his thigh to his crotch.  _ Probably for Colette’s sake. Every time I catch them, he lets her take the lead. But… _ He stopped just short of him, close enough to make him flinch.  _ It’s so hot to make him beg.  _ “Babe,” Zelos whispered, making his voice as smooth and deep as he could. “Do you want something~?”

_ “N-nnn…”  _ Lloyd sucked in hard through his teeth, his fingers balled up at his sides. Colette had scooted up close against Zelos’ side, observing quietly. “Z…I’m... _a-ah…”_

“Tell me what you want,” he purred, lowering his cool blue eyes. “And  _ maybe  _ I’ll give it to you~.”

“You’re  _ terrible,”  _ Lloyd groaned, squirming where he sat. 

“And you have to say please,” Zelos continued, running a single finger down the length of his cock.

_ “Aah…”  _ Lloyd’s eyes rolled back, his voice growing desperate. “Zelos...p-please, I...I want...I want…”

“Hm?” His eyes flickered to Colette, who was pinker than he remembered, a hand over her mouth once again. “Finish your sentences, love.”

_ “Damn it!”  _ he whimpered. “I-I want you to touch me, please... _mmn,_ please…”

Each stress in Lloyd’s words sent shivers down his spine, and he did as he asked, holding him firmly as he stroked slowly.  _ “There  _ we go,” Zelos chuckled.  _ I talk a big game, but I wouldn’t care if he flipped me over and fucked me sideways right about now. I just...love the way his voice sounds when he does that.  _ He leaned his head over to nuzzle the size of her face, and she kissed his temple as he did so.  _ And I think it was a little treat for her too.  _

_ “Mmn…”  _ Lloyd sighed, his head rolling back from shoulder to shoulder. “So...how... _ ahh... _ are we doing this?” 

“Depends,” Zelos said. Colette parted his hair, letting it flow over his shoulder so she could kiss at his back. “Who wants to be in the middle?”

“I-I...can try…” Colette murmured shyly. “J-just...nothing in my butt, please…”

Zelos snorted loudly, and even Lloyd started to chuckle despite his enjoyment of Zelos’ handling. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, hon,” Lloyd said. “There are plenty of ways, right?” 

“Mmhmm.” Zelos lifted off his cock, then bent down and kissed it quickly,  _ for good measure.  _ “I know you’re just  _ dyin’  _ to hop in, so choose your orifice and let’s get started.”

Colette thudded her head against Zelos' back, shuddering with silent laughter, while Lloyd shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. “You’re the worst, I swear to Martel--”

“Well, I’m hot, and I give  _ great  _ head, so it’s a fair trade.” Zelos stood up on his knees, stretching a bit before hopping off the bed. He opened the drawer on the nightstand and pulled out a fist full of condoms, slapping them by the alarm clock. “Actually, mind if I take middle first? I’m kind of feeling it.” He tossed one of the condoms at him. 

Lloyd caught it in one hand. “Sure,” he replied.

“Where do I go?” Colette asked.

“You’re on bottom, sweetie,” Zelos said, tearing the wrapper open and sliding the rubber over his erection. “I’ll be warming you up this evening~.”

“Ooh!” she giggled. She scooted around and propped herself against the pillows by the headboard, sliding her panties off and tossing them aside. Her opening was glistening, and Zelos found himself licking his lips.  _ Oh, I could just devour you. Just a taste, just a taste… _

“Z?” Lloyd asked, tapping on his bare shoulder. He could feel his length bumping up against the curve beneath his rear. “You okay?”

“Oh  _ yes,” _ he replied, grabbing Lloyd by the front spikes of his hair and bringing him in for a hard kiss, hard enough that it even took his own breath away. “I was just admiring how delectable our little angel looks.”

“S-stop it!” she squealed, covering her chest with her arms up by her face. “You guys…!”

_ So cute.  _ Zelos grinned as he bent over her, pushing aside a wisp of hair from her face. “I’ll let you know when I’m in, babe,” he said. He adjusted himself, pushing the tip of his cock against the lips of her opening, rubbing it against her clit. She began to fidget at the sensation, her toes curling.  _ Can’t tease for too long.  _ With a deep breath, he slipped himself a little lower, and began pushing inside.

She winced at first, and he paused.  _ This usually happens,  _ he thought, and brought his body lower to her. “Slow, yeah?” he murmured, kissing the top of her cheek lightly. She nodded, and he pushed a little further, just as she breathed out, relaxed.  _ A little more.  _ She breathed in, then out, and he went a little more. The further he pushed, the more she relaxed, and by the time he was as far as he could go, her face had softened from one of discomfort, to one more neutral and serene.  _ That’s better,  _ he thought, covering her face in soft kisses. She was warm and tight around him, and he stayed there for a moment, embracing their closeness. 

“Okay,” he said, turning his head to Lloyd. “I think we’re ready.”

“Hm? O-oh, yeah,” he replied, a little distracted. He felt his hands grip his ass tight, then relax, smoothing out all the way down to his thighs.

“You better have put lube on,” Zelos said, focusing on relaxing himself. “Or else you aren’t getting  _ anything.  _ Col and I are kicking you out.”

“Don’t kick him out…” she muttered, barely exasperated.

“Fine, I _guess_ he’s cute enough to stay,” he teased. 

“Gee, thanks,” Lloyd replied. His tip pressed against him, but waited there in anticipation.

“Hey, are you going to do it, or what?” Zelos said, propping himself up a little. “Don’t leave me hangi _ iiinaaAAH--!”  _

As soon as he started running his mouth, Lloyd thrust himself in all at once, spasming as he entered him, making him feel full and jerk inside Colette.  _ “Why!”  _ Zelos whimpered. “Don’t fuckin’ do that!”

“Sorry…” Guilt filtered through his voice, and Zelos shook his head.  _ Eh, wouldn’t be the first time. _

_ (you probably deserved it) _

_ Now is not the time for this bullshit, not the time, not the fucking time-- _

“Z?” Lloyd and Colette spoke almost in unison, laced with concern. In front of him, her eyes were wide, and she reached up and stroked his cheek, running a thumb over his lips.  _ I’m in good hands. _

_ The best of the best… _

Zelos kissed her thumb. “I’m okay,” he murmured, then spoke a little louder. “All right, let me dictate the thrusting, and I think we’ll be all right…”

He eased out a little in Colette, and he felt Lloyd do the same, and pushed back in. When Lloyd followed, however, the feeling that surged through his thighs was enough to make him moan. “Ooh, _ fuck,”  _ he sighed, chuckling a little. “This is going to be  _ fun.”  _

Their rhythm was shaky at first, including Zelos himself, being pleasured from both sides, but eventually they settled into a low key pace, more about embracing their closeness than getting to climax. Beneath him, Colette was heavy lidded and making noise at every thrust, and behind him, he could hear Lloyd sighing almost in rhythm with each thrust. “Nnah... _ haah…”  _ Zelos swallowed hard, his brow breaking into a sweat. “Oh sweet  _ Goddess  _ this is good...a-ah, h-hey, easy cowboy, easy…”

Lloyd had begun to thrust a little harder, and he huffed, bending over his back. His chest felt cool against it. “S-sorry, I just... _mmn…”_ His husky breathing near his ear sent him reeling, and he bit his lip hard. “Y-you’re just so tight...i-it feels good…”

“I know, don’t it?” Zelos replied, winking at Colette. “Best ass in the business.”

She giggled, then wrapped her arms around his neck. “Z, do you think you could, um…” 

Colette bit her lip, then massaged her thumb around her lip, biting at it a little.  _ I could just eat you up,  _ he thought. “Oh, you want some attention~?” he said, taking one of the arms that was propping her up and reaching down toward her crotch. It jerked Lloyd, however, and made him push abruptly into him, and he whimpered with the sensation. “Hm, I don’t think we’re at the right angles…”

“What are you doing?” Lloyd asked, peering over. His hands were firmly planted on Zelos’ hips, squeezing gently.

“Just trying to give our angel a little love, but I don’t think it’s going to happen like this.” He paused in thought.  _ Having her in the middle isn’t going to make it much easier, either. Well, there’s only one other way… _ “Col, you might have to take things into your own hands today.” He kissed her nose. “Is that going to be okay for you?”

She pouted, just a little, then reached down toward herself and stroked the exposed part of Zelos’ cock, a gentle touch, but enough to put goosebumps on his back.  _ Oh, honey.  _ She stuck her tongue out, playful, and soon returned to herself, gently massaging her own clit. _“Mmn,_ it’s okay... _ aaah…”  _

“Just like I taught you,” he said softly. “Nn _ aah…!”  _

The trio resumed their rhythm, although now with Colette making a lot more noise than before. Zelos felt her squeezing on him inside her, and combined with the friction, as slow as it was, made each thrust more intense than the last.  _ I can’t come though,  _ he thought, a bead of sweat dripping down his temple.  _ I want to, but definitely not before her.  _

_ And it’s too soon, we haven’t finished our fun yet…!  _

“Damn, I wish I could see,” Lloyd said, craning his neck.

“If you push a little harder, you’ll be able to hear,” Zelos replied.  _ “Ah--!”  _

“Oh, so  _ now  _ you want me to go harder?” Lloyd jerked into him, causing him to spasm. 

“W-well,  _ haah,  _ I’m ready for it now--!”  _ Holy Goddess, he wants to pound, he’d just ram me if he could, not to mention he’s used to going hard when it’s just him and I, but too much and I’m going to explode...literally.  _ “J-just t-takes...some getting used to...right, sweetie?”

_ “A-aahhn…!”  _ Colette’s eyes were squeezed shut, and also squeezing incredibly hard on him. “I’m... _ nnmn,  _ I can...f-feel it... _ ah!”  _

Zelos picked up his own pace, causing Lloyd to follow suit.  _ “Nnaah,  _ y-you can... _ hah,  _ do it,” he breathed, moans mixed with whimpers. “Come for us, my sweetheart…”

_ “A-aahh...aaah…!”  _ Colette squeezed as hard as she could muster, her face turning beet red. 

“Oh Goddess…” Zelos heard Lloyd whisper behind him.

Suddenly, her eyes snapped wide open, her hand vibrating against her clit. “O-oh,  _ there! AaaaAAH! MMMN Nnnnaaah--! Hhhaah…!”  _ She writhed under him, wailing as the waves of her orgasm washed over her like a tidal wave. Zelos watched in fascination, burning every expression of ecstasy she made into his memory.  _ This is why I’m alive.  _ After a moment, it faded, leaving her breathless and limp beneath him. 

“How was that?” Zelos asked, grinning.

“A-ah…” Colette panted, eyes barely open. A small smile crossed her lips. “N-nice... _aah…”_

Zelos nodded, then began to sit up, pulling out of her and turning his neck toward Lloyd. “Pull on out, we’re switching it up.  _ Slowly. _ ”

“Okay.” Lloyd did as told, allowing Zelos to bend over again in order to make the ordeal more gentle. The familiar emptiness that accompanied the absence of him returned, and he crawled off the bed, stretching and pulling the condom off his still hard dick.  _ Let’s see, if we’re doing Colette in the middle-- _

“Is it my turn?” Colette asked, sounding much more coherent. 

“In a minute,” Zelos said, walking around the bed. “Just let me--”

Lloyd caught him before he made his way around and kissed him several times, pressing his chest against his as hard as he could muster before breaking away.  _ I’d like to get inside you, too, but it might not be in the cards today--if you can’t wait.  _ Zelos tapped on Lloyd’s erection, still sheathed in the condom. “Change that up, tiger,” he said. 

“Why?”

“No double dipping,” Zelos sighed.  _ Common sense, really.  _ “Don’t they teach you that in school?”

Lloyd raised an eyebrow as he peeled the condom off. “Not any school I went to,” he replied. 

“That’s right, Iselia.” Zelos continued to make his way around the bed and out the door. “Granted, I didn’t learn half this stuff in any school, either…”

“Z, where are you going?” Colette asked. 

“Washing up, just for you~." He winked and saluted, pointing between the two of them. "Keep yourselves busy, I’ll be right back.”

He rushed to the bathroom, standing at the sink to wash the residue of lube from the condom off himself.  _ I’ll bet anything he’ll want to be inside her,  _ he thought, yelping as he turned the water too cold. He jammed the hot faucet to readjust.  _ So, I get Angel’s pretty face. On my rock hard cock.  _ He snorted to himself.  _ I’d say I ruined her, but _

_ nothing could do that to either of them. _

He returned to the bedroom to find Lloyd kissing all the way down Colette’s body, hands trying to squeeze every inch of her at once. As soon as she spotted him, she tapped on his shoulder. “Honey, he’s back,” she said.

“Hm? Oh,” he replied, muffled. Despite this, he continued to squeeze her, his touch a little more playful, and she began to giggle, curling up on the bed. “You’re so soft--!” 

“L-Lloyd--!” she cried, trying to push him away in her laughter. 

“The softest I know,” Zelos commented, crawling back on the bed. He pulled Lloyd up from her, grasping around his waist. “I’ve got him, sweetie, now get situated.”

“How…?” 

Lloyd squirmed in his grip, but he kissed his neck to placate him. “You’ll have to get on your knees,” Zelos explained, slightly muddled between kisses. “You’ll have me in front and Lloyd behind.”

She nodded slowly as she pushed herself up from the headboard and crawled toward the middle of the bed on all fours. “Like this?” 

Zelos finally released Lloyd, allowing his hands to drag down his sides and over his rear. “Yup. Babe, you put a new condom on, right?” 

“All set.” In a flash, Lloyd was already behind her, running his work hardened hands over the curve of her waist, the blossom of her hips, through to her thighs. Even as she enjoyed the attention, Colette exchanged a quick look with Zelos, emanating gratitude. He replied with a wink.  _ Safety first. Only the best for my sweethearts. _

_ Goddess, when did I turn into such a sap…? _

“Timing shouldn’t be so tricky this time,” Zelos said, petting Colette’s hair. “Just let us know if you need a break or need to breathe down there.”

Colette nodded with a small smile, her eyes wandering up from his face down to his erection, less than an inch from her nose. With a devious look, she licked at the tip, very slightly, just enough for Zelos to flinch.  _ No one else would know that you’re so coy.  _ Zelos bit his lip hard, before nodding to Lloyd.  _ “Mmn,  _ go ahead,” he said.

Their eyes met before Lloyd tilted his head, taking himself into his hands and easing inside Colette. It was faster than when Zelos entered before, and much less painful, given both of their blissful sighs. “See, I thought this through,” Zelos said. “He’s thicker than I am, so  _ aaaahh…!”  _

Colette began licking at him, slow at the tip at first, but gradually worked her whole mouth around it, her tongue grazing the underside. Her mouth was hot, and her technique was even more eager than Lloyd’s was earlier, if it were even possible.  _ “Mmn…”  _ Zelos moaned, his vision hazy.

“You r-really... _ naah,  _ talk too much,” Lloyd remarked as he undulated against Colette, a lazy smile on his lips. At this angle, it was easy to see Lloyd’s five o’clock shadow, giving him a alluring, grizzled look. 

“C’mon, babe,  _ mmn,  _ it ain’t... _ ah,  _ that bad.”  _ She’s gotten better at this too,  _ he mused, adjusting his hands to her back. With his long arms, he was almost able to reach Lloyd’s fingertips on Colette’s hips. Lloyd caught the motion, and scooted his own hand further to lace it with his.  _ Much better...but I wonder.  _ “Hey, can you get a little closer?”

“I can try.” He eased forward, pushing all the way into Colette, and Zelos did the same in an attempt to meet halfway. 

_ “Mmnfm!”  _ Colette exclaimed below them. 

Zelos jerked back. “You okay, sweetie?” He pulled away completely, gazing down at her, red-faced and wiping her mouth. A string of spit still hung between his dick and her mouth, and he tried not to linger on it.  _ Ah… _

“‘Mm okay,” she replied. “I’ll just be... _ haah,  _ ready for it this time.”

“All right,” Zelos replied, kissing the top of her head. “If I lean too far and make you deep throat, just let go of me. I want to kiss Lloyd a bit.” He winked at him, and Lloyd snickered.

“Sure!” Colette giggled as well, and drew him in by the back of his thighs to continue sucking him. 

_ “Mmn,  _ you’re eager, kitten~,” Zelos purred, then reached out for Lloyd again. “Now, where were we?”

Zelos and Lloyd leaned forward, as far as having Colette between them allowed him, and began to kiss, open mouthed, tongues entwining. The reach pushed them a bit and craned his neck, but Lloyd was clearly enjoying it, moaning with every other motion. He could barely kiss consistently, and Zelos could taste the tang of sweat against his lips.  _ “Babe,”  _ he murmured into his mouth.  _ “Do you want it~?”  _

_ “Nnaah…”  _ Lloyd’s eyes were squeezed shut in concentration, and Zelos nibbled at his bottom lip as best he could.  _ Wouldn’t it be something if we came at the same time?  _ he thought suddenly, a wave of heat rushing down through his thighs.  _ He doesn’t have the control, but I certainly do.  _ Lloyd was starting to thrust harder, momentum sending waves through Colette’s lower half, and she was beginning to suck fiercely onto him, the suction as tight as she was through her other lips earlier.  _ And if she can keep this up… _

_ Nnmn...a little more, just a little more… _

_ “Mmn...hmmn…” _

_ “A-aah, haaah--!”  _ Lloyd’s moans became desperate. “O-oh shhhit, I-I’m...I’m gonna... _ a-aah--!”  _

Zelos began tightening up himself, thrusting against Colette’s face. “C-come on, babe... _ come on…” Fuck, I can feel it too…! Good Goddess, please, please… _

The rush hit Lloyd all at once, and he reached out for Zelos’ face. He missed a little, and ended up grabbing at his hair.  _ “A-AH! NnnnNAAH--!”  _

The moans were exactly what Zelos needed to send him over the edge. “Oh Marte _ eel, yes--! AaaAH! Nnnmmn, nn-aah...haah…!”  _ His vision blinked into stars as he squeezed his eyes shut and let the release wash over him, heat and intensity vibrating from his toes, through his thighs and groin all the way up to his neck and shoulders.  _ I’ve never made love so intensely before, not like it’s been with these two. _

_ And it feels just like that. _

_ “Making love.”  _

_ Ah...don’t cry, you idiot… _

As the feeling faded, eyes watering and bent over Colette, he realized the familiar warmth around his cock was gone. Lloyd was gripping his hand, panting, but he heard small coughing sounds from below. “Oh, shit,” he muttered, choking on his own spit.  _ Way to blow your load and drown the angel.  _ “Hon, are you okay?”

“Ugh, I’m…” She went to sit up, but Lloyd was still attached to her back. “L-Lloyd…?”

“Can’t move…” he groaned. “I can’t feel m-my...legs…”

Zelos sat back, his own legs feeling like jelly to get a better look at Colette. Streaks of spit and cum dripped from her mouth, and there were a couple stains on the sheets too. “Ah, s-sorry, sweetie,” he apologized, sniffing and scratching the back of his neck. “I got carried away, especially since he was so close…”

“It’s okay,” she replied, wiping her face. Despite her bright tone, she still grimaced as she swallowed again. “I want a mint or something though…” She turned her head back to Lloyd. “Are you going to come out?”

_ “Ugh…”  _ Lloyd finally flopped back onto the bed, his erection already shrinking inside the condom, flopped unceremoniously against his crotch. “Whee…”

Zelos snickered, crawling over beside him and cuddling against his chest. “Have a good time?” he asked.

Lloyd lazily lolled his head over to him, his hand trickling over his forehead and cheek. “Yeah,” he replied dreamily. His brow creased as a finger ran under his eye. “You okay?”

“Huh?”  _ Fuck, I  _ am  _ crying.  _ “Y-yeah, it’s okay, I’m fine.”  _ I’m not sad, though, I’m...happy. Every time I get to do this with both of you, it’s a dream... _

“It’s been a long day for you.” Colette crawled on the other side of Lloyd, lacing her hand with Zelos’ across his chest. 

“Yeah.”  _ Spill as much of my guts to a stranger for an hour, a week or so after almost fucking killing myself, then have mind-blowing sex with the people I love the most...yeah, I’d say it’s been quite the rollercoaster.  _

_ Wouldn’t have been able to have this if I were dead.  _

_ Ah… _

“Honey, you’re all sweaty…” Colette said, wiping Lloyd’s brow with her hand. 

“Yeah, we’ll go shower,” Lloyd replied, grunting as he tried to sit up, but quickly plopped back down. “Once I can move…”

“You two really came at the same time! That’s cool!” she exclaimed brightly.

“Could you feel it?”

“I could  _ hear  _ it more, but yeah, I could feel it too…”

Zelos stared up at the ceiling, his eyes crossing to make the tiles double and blur.  _ You can’t kill yourself,  _ he thought, heart pounding slow and heavy in his ears.  _ You can’t let them down. They’re too precious, they’re too kind, they put up with your bullshit and _

_ they  _ do  _ love you… _

“Z.” Colette’s voice was suddenly right in his ear.  _ Did she swap sides?  _

“Yeah?” he said, more watery than he wanted to sound.

“I love you,” she whispered, kissing his cheek.

“I love you,” Lloyd repeated, doing the same. 

“I love you,” she said again, with another kiss.

Lloyd repeated as well, and it became a chorus, as he was swarmed with soft kisses from warm lips.  _ I love you too,  _ he thought, smiling to himself in the warmth of his datefriends’ affection.  _ I’m glad to be alive. _

It was a foreign thought for him, but he embraced it nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEW! Sorry for the wait, I hope it was worth it! I got caught up in [something else](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5716948) over the past month, which proved to be a bit distracting. Plus, smut tends to take me longer in general. And I think I revamped the whole scope of this chapter too, so I was writing a bit blind. Who cares, you're here for the content, and there you have it!
> 
> Some of my cheekiest lines are in this work, thanks Zelos. What's the point of having sex if you can't have fun? I know I said I was going to write a SFW cut of this chapter, but I honestly want to move on. I hope everyone understands...! I'll do some shorts on the meta blog to make up for it. 
> 
> We're coming right down to the wire! Next chapter, we visit Kradad for Thanksgiving! Thanks for your patience and thanks for reading!


	51. Thanksgiving

“Dad?” Lloyd stood up abruptly from the small kitchen table, where himself, Dirk, Colette, and Zelos were all huddled around, with plates piled with varying amounts of food. His heart raced as silence fell around him, even Noishe, lying below the table, stopped panting. “I...have something to tell you.”

“What is it, lad?” Dirk replied, continuing to chew quietly.

Lloyd took a huge, deep breath.  _ Just like you practiced.  _ He snuck a look between Zelos and Colette, both of which were looking at him expectantly.  _ Okay.  _ “Colette, Zelos, and I are all together. The three of us are dating.”

Only a beat passed, but it still felt like ages to him. “I know,” he said, cutting off a massive slab of turkey from the center of the table. 

“Wh...what?” Glancing to his datefriends, Colette’s mouth was in a small “o”, and Zelos had raised an eyebrow, one fork swirling mashed potatoes on his plate and his other hand in his lap. “How...do you…”

“Raine told me,” Dirk said plainly. “Said you had a little run-in with Genis, too.”

“Ugh, that’s right…”  _ Damn it, Raine! I thought that she knew, but she didn’t have to tell Dad about it…!  _ He could hear her voice in his head-- _ “It’d be the right thing to do.”-- _ and waved it away with a scowl.  _ Maybe, but that’s not the point… _

“E-everything worked out in the end, though,” Colette piped up. “We threw him that party, too, and it was fun!” 

“I figured something was up when you started living together,” Dirk said, leaning back in his seat. His eyes shifted to Zelos, who was cautious to meet them, preferring his own plate. “Somethin’ more than just a friend’s favor.”

“Y-yeah, well--” Lloyd began.

“I’m not gonna sit here and tell you what to do,” Dirk interrupted, leveling his gaze at Lloyd. Slowly, he sat back down at his seat, feeling Noishe lay his head down on his feet. “You’re too old for that, y’can fend for yourself.”

Lloyd nodded, relief flooding his chest, but the feeling was short lived as Dirk continued. “I  _ do  _ wish you would’ve told me sooner. It’s been months now, hasn’t it?” 

“Yeah…”

“I’ve always told you, you can tell me anything.”

Lloyd clenched his hands in his lap. “B-but this is  _ different,”  _ he pushed, anxiety beginning to gnaw in the back of his throat once again. “Like--”

“How so?” Dirk challenged.

He found himself at a loss. “Well, it’s…” 

_ (“You sure about this?” Zelos asked, kicked back on the couch. _

_ “He needs to know eventually,” Lloyd replied. “He’s always been really open--” _

_ “Yeah, well, sometimes...people say that, but they don’t really mean it.” His eyes were distant. “Y’know, all open and shit, but then when it’s  _ personal,  _ suddenly they have an opinion.” He ran a hand back through his hair. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”) _

Lloyd held back, shaking his head.  _ He had a point. But, this is my dad.  _

Dirk was still waiting on a response, a low chuckle bubbling from his throat. “Never mind, what’s done is done,” he said. “As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters.”

“You...mean it?” he said, the words blurting out before he could stop them. 

“Course I do, why wouldn’t I?” Dirk grinned at him beneath his enormous beard. “What kind of father would I be otherwise?”

“Z!” Colette exclaimed suddenly, nudging Zelos’ elbow beside her. “Are you feeding Noishe under the table?”

“Huh? Why would I do that?” He flashed her an award winning grin, but it didn’t distract her enough as his hand dipped below his lap. Smacking sounds could be heard beneath him, and his smile turned from suave to sheepish. “Eh…”

She pouted at him. “It’s not good for him! Dogs can’t have people food like this!” Looking closer at his plate, Lloyd noticed it was largely untouched, just more spread out.  _ I wonder if he’s mentioned that to his therapist yet.  _ He bit his lip.  _ It might be a good idea.  _

“Noishe’ll be fine, he’s tougher than he looks,” Dirk said, still focused on his son. “If he can survive you pullin’ on his fur for the first couple years we had ‘im, he can handle anything.”

The four of them exchanged a mutual chuckle, Lloyd scratching the back of his head.  _ So, I got myself worked up over nothing,  _ he thought, as Dirk nodded to him with a wink.  _ Still, better than it could be.  _

* * *

Later on, the trio gathered in front of the cottage, Noishe whining on the front steps. “Aw, don’t worry, puppy!” Colette cooed, bent over with her hands on her knees. “We’ll come back and see you soon!”

“So, what’s the plan, again?” Zelos asked. He was wearing a dress shirt for the occasion, pale pink and crisp, and Lloyd forced himself to shake his head in order to stop admiring him in it. “I’m going to the mansion to see Seles…” Apprehension lingered in his voice.

“You can always stay go with Lloyd,” Colette said. “Or, come visit my parents.”

“No and no,” he spat. “Don’t need Professor Grouch giving me the stink-eye, or listening to your preacher dad thank the Goddess for the bountiful harvest…”

“He’s not  _ that  _ bad,” she assured, but shuffled her feet. “Well, _some_ years, that is…”

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Lloyd inquired, scooting closer and running his hand down his arm. “You weren’t eating much either--”

“Don’t mention it,” he said dismissively. “I’ll live. Want me to pick up Col or you?”

“I can do it,” Lloyd replied, slipping his fingers against Zelos’ palm. “It’ll give me an out in case things get awkward.”

“Good idea,” Colette said, close to his side. “Call us if you need anything.”

“It’ll be fine,” He dismissed, an arm around her shoulder. “Kratos and I aren’t total  _ strangers.  _ I had him as a teacher for a year and a half. There should be something to talk about.”

“So long as he doesn’t bore you to death,” Zelos remarked. He had discovered Lloyd’s hand, and readjusted his grip so he could entwine their fingers, squeezing gently. “Where is his place, anyway?”

“Not too far from here, actually. It’s in the suburbs of Luin, so about a half hour drive?” He grouped them all together for a hug, all of their heads knocked together in a triangle. “Yeah. We’ll meet back up at 8 or 9 at the apartment.”

“Aye aye, captain,” Zelos quipped, kissing both of their cheeks.

Colette giggled. “You’re so silly!” she exclaimed.

“That’s not what you were telling me last night~,” he purred with a devilish grin, breaking the hug to sneak up behind her and pinch at her waist.

_ “Eep!  _ You--!” she squealed, chasing him in a small circle until she caught him by the waist, squeezing hard enough to knock the wind out of him in his laughter. Back on the porch, the sudden commotion triggered Noishe into barking, the sound echoing through the trees.

“Guys, let’s go before it gets too late--!” Lloyd said, hands on his hips as he watched his datefriends in their embrace.  _ Maybe next year, we can all do these things together.  _

_ Next year… _

He smirked to himself.  _ That sounds nice. _

* * *

Kratos’ house was seated at the top of a hill, with a long driveway from the main road that led up to it. It was modest, only one story by the looks of it, and surrounded by a large, grassy field, bordered by trees on either side.  _ I thought it’d be further into the suburbs, not outside of it,  _ Lloyd thought as he pulled in.  _ I did have to go through a few side streets to get here, though.  _ He squinted up at the white siding, the small, screened porch, and the blue shutters on the windows.  _ It seems...familiar, in a way that I can’t really place.  _

_ I wonder...if this is the same house I lived in with him and Mom. _

He knocked three times on the door, shuffling his feet on the peeling paint of the porch as he waited.  _ I didn’t call him today to let him know I was on my way. Last time we talked was a week ago. I hope that he remembers-- _

The door clicked, and Kratos’ face stared down at him from behind the screen door. It was odd to see him in anything but his standard dress shirt--today, he was wearing a deep purple turtleneck, ribbed and warm. He was also wearing a soft smile, also taking Lloyd by surprise. “Lloyd,” he said, opening the screen door out toward him. “Come inside.”

“Th-thanks,” he said, shuffling in.  _ This is going to be the first time we’ve really seen each other since he gave me the letter. More than just a random wave in the hallway.  _ The front hallway opened up immediately to the living room, decorated simply with a couch, TV, and a few shelves stacked with books. Only a couple picture frames hung on the wall, but a quick glance at the coffee table showed two binders that could be photo albums. 

Lloyd followed Kratos into the kitchen, where the table was already set and laden with rolls and cranberry sauce. “I do not have much,” Kratos admitted, walking to the stove to check on a pot. “I know turkey is tradition, but it’s only the two of us.” He opened the oven to reveal a small chicken broiling in a pan. 

“No worries,” Lloyd said, waving his hand. “I-I kind of already ate at my dad’s…” He trailed off, feeling the words hang thick in the air in front of him.  _ My dad’s. I say as I’m at my  _

_ (real) _

_ birth father’s house. I’m still not used to it… _

Kratos did not take notice. “I figured you would,” he replied, closing the oven and turning back toward him. “I  _ am  _ surprised you didn’t bring your friends.”

_ More than just “friends”. He...knows that though, doesn’t he?  _ “A-ah, they’re with their own families. Col’s at her parent’s, and Zelos is visiting his sister. Thought it’d...it’d be easier.” He forced a chuckle. “And less filling.”

Kratos smirked, hands in his pockets. “Very true.”

A veil of silence fell between them, and to dispel the awkward sensation, Lloyd took a moment to look around the kitchen. It was simple, blue walls, yellow 

_ (dress, I can remember that dress) _

curtains pulled back to reveal the setting, late autumn sun. His eyes skittered around the room at a more rapid pace, as 

_ (perched in her arm as she finished setting the table, kissing my cheek before plopping me in my chair) _

more memories

_ (Kratos sat at the other end of the table, always, and he would make faces at me sometimes, always when Mom wasn’t looking) _

surfaced to the front of Lloyd’s mind. His throat felt dry, and he began to pace, around the table toward the sink,

_ (“Daddy! Daddy!” _

_ “Settle down…I’ve got you.”) _

hands feeling clammy. “Is something wrong?” Kratos asked, a low murmur that still jumped him.

“N-no! No…” His voice cracked slightly. “I just...is this the same house? Th-that I...that we…”

“Yes,” he answered plainly. “I have not moved since the accident. I thought about selling it after the accident but…” He turned toward the window, the sun showing off the red in his eyes. “It was too complex of a process for me to handle at the time.”

“A-ah.”  _ I don’t even remember losing Mom that clearly anymore. I was just a kid, but he had to live through it. What did that letter say? He “left” for five years.  _ He stared down at the floor.  _ Five years is a long time… _

“Besides, I think she would’ve had a fit if I sold this house,” he remarked. “It was a stroke of luck we were able to even get it, right after we got married. A lot of others were looking at it, but we pushed the better offer.” He wandered back to the stove and stirred one of the pots again. “And I have the mortgage to prove it.”

Lloyd snorted, but a smile didn’t accompany it, as he was still buried in his thoughts.  _ I know I could ask him anything about her, and he’d have an answer. What did she like to do? What were her hobbies? How did her and _

_ (Dad) _

_ Kratos meet? But I’m...afraid to. And I’m not sure why.  _ He bit the inside of his cheek, gnawing on it.  _ Maybe I should’ve brought Col or Z along.  _

“Looks like everything is ready,” Kratos said, scanning the countertop for an oven mit. “Have a seat.”

Lloyd took the seat facing the stove and rubbed his hands on his jeans to get the clamminess off them.  _ He’s so much more...relaxed here than in the classroom,  _ he thought as he brought the chicken to the table and served potatoes from the pot he was watching.  _ I mean, as relaxed as I can imagine. He’s still pretty quiet.  _

“It’s not often I get to cook like this,” he commented before sitting down. “Anna--your mother did most of the cooking when she was alive. She used to scold me for constantly eating TV dinners when we were dating.”

_ Sounds like Zelos,  _ he thought with a chuckle.

“Nowadays,” he continued, pulling apart the chicken with a knife, “Yuan would prepare a meal of this scale, since he actually  _ enjoys _ cooking, and is a little better at it than I am.”

Despite being full from earlier, Lloyd plated himself a small portion of meat out of courtesy and took a bite.  _ Not bad.  _ “That’s Yuan Ka-Fai, right? You guys are close friends, right?”

He nodded with a small smile. “We were roommates in college, and have continued a friendship for...twenty? Thirty years? A long while.” He paused to eat, fixated on his plate as Lloyd looked at him. “I have him to thank for the job at the university.”

“Really?” Lloyd asked.

“I never thought of myself as much of a  _ teacher,  _ but he thought it would be a good fit, especially since the head of history had recently resigned,” he said. “I was the first of a couple new professors, and after several years, I was offered to head the department when the former dean wanted to travel. It put me on tenure, and I’ve stayed ever since.” He took a long drink of water, then his eyes flickered back to Lloyd’s plate. “Did you want anything else to drink?”

“Hm? No, it’s okay--”

He wasn’t convinced. “I have milk, soda, probably some wine too--”

“Really, it’s fine. Water’s okay.”

After a pause, he accepted his response and returned to his train of thought. “I was the one who hired Raine. She was young at the time, but very promising. I wasn’t aware you were personally acquainted with her until recently.”

“Oh, yeah!” Lloyd exclaimed, his mouth partially full.  _ This is easier.  _ “Raine used to babysit us when we were younger, and she lives in our hometown. Her brother is a few years younger than us, but we went to school together.”

“I see,” he said. “Does Iselia even have its own school?”

“Well, not anymore. But it did when I was growing up. We did spent a semester or so in Luin High while they were deciding whether to get rid of it sooner or later…”

Kratos’ eye twitched, and his face suddenly looked drawn, showing its age. “That’s probably where we would have sent you for school,” he said quietly.

Lloyd’s lips parted, tongue stuck hard to the roof of his mouth. “R...really?” he replied slowly.  _ Everything would’ve been different if I would’ve grown up here. Maybe I would’ve still known Sheena, since that’s where we met em. But, no Colette. And probably no Zelos.  _

_ Can’t change the past, though… _

A bell like ringing sound sang shrilly through the kitchen, and Kratos sighed, fork rattling on his plate. “I wonder who that could be,” he said, sarcasm laced in his voice. He stood up and walked to the phone, glued to the wall in the archway between the kitchen and the living room. He pinched the nerve between his nose. “It’s Yuan. Do you--?”

“Go ahead, it’s okay,” Lloyd replied. His plate was already clear, and he scooted his chair out from the table as well. “I’ll just look around, or something…”

Kratos nodded, then picked up the phone, closing his eyes as he held it to his ear. “Yuan. ...Yes, the same to you. ...Lloyd is here, I thought I already told you about this. ...I suppose, if you wish…”

Lloyd strolled out into the living room and plopped on the couch, right in front of the coffee table covered in photo albums.  _ I wonder if he was going to show me these himself,  _ he thought, picking one up and setting it in his lap. It was plain on the outside, but heavy, and flipping open the cover proved it to be full to the brim of photos. The first one was one of Kratos and what Lloyd could only assume to be Yuan, standing together in a cramped dorm room.  _ They look so young,  _ he thought, studying their faces. They both appeared smoother, rounder, less world weary.  _ They can’t be any older than I am.  _ Yuan was wearing a messenger hat with a paisley dress shirt unbuttoned halfway down his chest. Completing the outfit was a gold chain around his neck and his blue hair untamed, flowing down over his shoulders. Kratos looked a tad more modest, in a cardigan with his signature hairstyle virtually unchanged, if a little shorter. His jeans were ridiculously tight, visible even in the photograph, and he was sporting a pair of very round glasses.  _ Yet...they’re incredibly dated,  _ he mused with a snicker. 

There were a few more casual shots of the two of them--Kratos was usually caught hunched over his desk, glaring at the camera; while on the other hand, there was a shot of Yuan shirtless, smoking a cigarette with a glass ashtray on his chest. The smoke nearly clouded his entire face in the shot.  _ They must have been an odd match-up.  _ Flipping the pages, one of the pictures that caught his eye was one with four subjects, all grinning in varying degrees at the camera. Kratos was on the end, the most subdued; beside him was Yuan, in a blue blazer with his arm around a woman Lloyd didn’t recognize. She was mid-laughter, and just seeing it on her round face made him smile back at the paper memory. Long, green hair flowed from her head beneath a crown of daisies, and she wore a thin, white dress underneath an oversized, suede coat rimmed with fur.  _ Why do I get the feeling that’s Yuan’s jacket…  _

On the end, with a cheeky grin, was a man that shared her smile, right down to the way his lip curled, how he showed his teeth. He was blonde, hair just as long as the woman’s, with a svelte build and in a white disco suit, accompanied by a purple undershirt.  _ That outfit looks hideous, _ he thought, just as Kratos slammed the phone back in the receiver. Lloyd glanced up to see him with a flush across his cheeks and a crease in his brow. “Damn it, Yuan…” he muttered, making his way over to Lloyd. “Ah, I thought I would take these out for you to look at…”

“These were taken when you were in college, right?” Lloyd asked. “They seem pretty old.”

“They are,” he replied. He took a seat next to Lloyd, just close enough to look over his shoulder comfortably. “Yuan had a very...flamboyant wardrobe.”

“I can tell,” Lloyd chuckled. He then pointed to the picture with the four of them. “Who are these people?”

“Ah, that’s Martel and Mithos,” Kratos explained. “Sister and brother.”

Lloyd gaped. “Like... _ what?” That’s the name of the Goddess and the Great Hero, though--! _

“It’s a coincidence,” he sighed. “Their parents were quite religious, from what I heard. It’s even worse when Martel looks so similar to artist’s recreations of the Goddess.”

“Wow.” Lloyd’s mind wandered to Colette’s house, where dozens of statues and paintings of Martel lingered around the house.  _ Same hairstyle, she’s got a kind face too. But isn’t the Goddess blonde…?  _

“Martel and Yuan were engaged for a short time,” he said. “He was head over heels for her, much to the dismay of Mithos.” He made a face as he pointed to him, muttering. “He loved that tacky outfit…can’t imagine why…”

“What happened to them?” Lloyd asked.

Kratos sighed. “Martel was a sickly woman, and after only a year at our school, she moved back home to be with her family. We never saw or heard from her again. She even gave him a fake number to contact her with. I think...it was to make it easier on him.” His hand curled over the photograph, flexed, then relaxed. “Because she died not too long after.”

“That’s...that’s awful,” Lloyd said, eyes wide. “Wouldn’t she want to be with him even if she was sick…?”

“I’m sure Mithos was an influence,” Kratos replied. “He looked up to me, but he despised Yuan, for reasons I still am not sure of. Perhaps he was just overprotective of his sister. We never heard from him again either.” He flipped the page, and there were several more shots of Martel in varying dresses, varying poses. “Yuan was heartbroken for a long time. I ran into Mithos years later, and he gave me back the engagement ring. I passed it on to Yuan, and I believe...he still has it.”

At a loss for words, Lloyd kept quiet as Kratos continued to flip through the pages. “There should be a few from-- _ oh.”  _ The current page held a shot of Kratos lying on a bed, trying to shield the camera’s lens, but it still revealed that he was at least shirtless, the shot panning up from his belly button. He snapped the page over so hard, one of the photos at the top edge of the album threatened to sneak out. “Never mind that…”

Lloyd snorted.  _ Looks like he had  _ some  _ fun, despite being stone-faced in most of these pictures.  _ “Whoa, is that from the ruins in Asgard?” he exclaimed, leaning over to point at one of the photographs on the far side.

“That is correct,” Kratos replied, giving him a small smile. This close, Lloyd spotted strands of gray in his deep red hair, as well as his eyebrows. “When I was a graduate student, I did a lot of traveling, doing research. There are a lot of pictures from that…”

The next several pages were of landscapes and scenery, many places that Lloyd didn’t recognize. What did catch his attention, however, was that there were no people in them, not even of Kratos himself. “Did you go by yourself?” he asked.

“Yes,” he said. “Yuan would have come with me, but it would have set him back a year in his studies, so I made him stay.”

“You  _ made  _ him?”

“He can be...rather obstinate.” He chuckled and shook his head, turning the page. “Here is someone you know…”

Lloyd took a closer look at the page. He immediately recognized the eyes, and even the smile, as it was too similar to what he saw when he looked in the mirror. A brown bob framed her face, the same shade as her eyes, bright and warm, hands clasped in her lap as she sat on a bench beside a lamp post. “Mom,” he whispered. 

Kratos nodded. “We met when I was coming back through to Luin. It turns out she grew up outside the city, and she was finishing her undergrad at the same school I went to. I was...charmed.” The last word seemed to float on his tongue, softer than anything else he had spoken in the course of the evening. “Anna--your mother--charmed me more than...any other person I had ever met.”

He sighed, full of longing, and he hesitated before turning the page. It was filled with photos of her, some posed, some candid. There were a few with Kratos in the frame as well, and his usual stiff disposition melted away in those with her, smiling instead. Yuan crept back into pictures too, one particular one with him, her, and Kratos caught Lloyd’s eye. They were at a party of some kind, each of them with a drink in their hand. Yuan had his arm around Kratos, while Kratos had his arm around Anna’s waist. He was laughing.

_ This,  _ Lloyd thought,  _ reminds me of something… _

Kratos ran his thumb over that particular picture himself, before turning the page. 

The next sheet was wedding pictures. Anna’s wedding dress was white and flowing, puffy in the sleeves and glittering, even in the flatness of the glossy photo paper. She beamed at every picture, even more when arm in arm with Kratos. The latter had a higher range of emotion, from joy to anxiety in the occasional picture. “The wedding was everything she wanted,” he said quietly. “Not too big, not too small. She looked beautiful, too.”

“Mmm.” There were pictures of them dancing together, and even one of Yuan dancing with Kratos. The last two pictures on the page were a posed picture of them, serious in their suits, while the next one was clearly taken right after, with Yuan kissing Kratos’ cheek while the latter pushed him away. 

_ (“I admit, I have also experienced attraction to one of my male friends. That was many years ago…”) _

Lloyd looked up from the photo album to study Kratos’ face, which was distant, seeped in memory.  _ I wonder...if it was him,  _ he thought.  _ “Many years ago”, huh.  _

After a moment, his eyes flickered back to his son, and he blinked. “I apologize. I was reminiscing.” He studied his face briefly. “Is something wrong?”

“No, Dad, I’m--” Lloyd’s heart lobbed in his throat, and he desperately tried to swallow it down. “I’m fine.” 

Kratos lingered on him a little longer. “It’s uncomfortable for you still, isn’t it?” he asked. The question wasn’t accusatory, merely curious. “You really...do not have to force anything.”

“No, that’s...not it.”  _ More like it just slipped out of my mouth,  _ Lloyd thought, shifting in his seat.  _ But now that you mention it, I… _

_...still don’t know. _

They stared at each other for more than was comfortable, challenging who would break first, chestnut against mahogany. Eventually, it was Kratos that broke their contest, resuming the album. The next page were pictures of the house he was sitting in with a “SOLD” sign on the front lawn, and more of Anna, slowly beginning to show a pregnant belly. “We lived together in her apartment for a short while before moving here,” Kratos said, “but I don’t seem to have any pictures of that time.” He scanned forward to the next page, then chuckled, pointing. “This one has an interesting story…”

It was a dark photo, only illuminated by the flash reflecting off snow and Anna. She was very pregnant in her red jacket, bursting at the seams, and bundled up right up to her neck with a couple scarves. She was giving a thumbs up to the camera in her mitten, and Lloyd could barely see her eyes because of the hat that was jammed over her hair. “Every year, there’s a parade of lights in downtown Luin. Even though she was less than a month away from having you, and it was below zero and snowing, she insisted on going. She nearly cried when I advised against it.” He shook his head, snickering. “She wore two sweaters underneath that, and we could barely zip her jacket.”

Lloyd leaned against Kratos, laughing a little himself. “She was pretty strong-willed, huh?” he asked.

“In some respects, yes,” he said. “It was only  _ afterwards _ that she fretted about the baby in the cold, and went to the doctor the next day to make sure things were all right.”

“Sounds like something I would do,” Lloyd remarked.  _ Act first, think later. Kiss Zelos, think about it later. Yup, that’s about right.  _

“It’s probably for the better that you take after her more than me,” Kratos said, turning the page. “Here you are.”

He moved his hand, revealing a picture of Anna in a hospital bed with a very, very small wailing baby in her arms. “I was so small,” Lloyd marvelled. 

“You wouldn’t stop crying until we got home and you finally fell asleep,” Kratos said. “Those first few weeks you were quite a handful. I remember your mother and I taking turns to rock you to sleep at three in the morning…”

“Goddess, that sounds awful…!” Lloyd lamented, but with amusement laced in his voice. 

“That’s parenthood for you,” Kratos replied. “At first, you’re so sure this is what you want. Then, the baby arrives, and you feel as if you’ve made the worst mistake of your life. But, as time passes…” Tentatively, he placed a hand on his shoulder, and Lloyd could feel the uncertainty in it. “It becomes worth it.”

Kratos smiled at him, but it was thin, and his anxiety seeped into Lloyd.  _ Kratos… _

He shook his head. “What do I know? I was...barely a father at all.” His tone grew sharp, and Lloyd could feel Kratos’ fingers tense on his shoulder. “I barely had time, and now I am too late.”

“That’s not true,” Lloyd interrupted, straining to find a reason. 

“I appreciate the sentiment, but…” He clenched his teeth. “You’re an adult. There’s nothing more I can do for you.”

“Th-that’s not true either,” he insisted. “R-remember...when I came into your office that one time? What you told me...really helped me with Colette and Zelos.” 

He blinked. “Really…” 

Lloyd nodded emphatically. “I still...think about it sometimes. You know, not everything’s black and white. There’s a way to compromise.” 

Somehow, Kratos seemed to relax, running his hand down from his shoulder to his back. “Perhaps you’re right, Lloyd,” he said. “Perhaps...you’re right.”

Without any warning, he pulled him into his chest for a tight embrace, making the photo album slip out of his lap and clatter onto the floor. Kratos smelled of a vague cologne, but Lloyd quietly stayed in his chest as his birth father ran a hand through his hair, gently resting his chin on top of his head.  _ I...already had another dad,  _ Lloyd thought, eventually wrapping one arm around Kratos’ waist.  _ But...he never got another son. Fifteen years, and I suddenly show up in his classroom, no longer a little boy, but an adult without him.  _

_ Kratos… _

_ No, Dad… _

Their moment was interrupted by a persistent knocking at the door. “What the hell…?” Kratos muttered, immediately letting Lloyd go and standing up. He briefly rubbed his eyes before rushing over to the front door. Lloyd followed, but more dazed, as if his body were dunked in honey. Kratos fussed with the door, and when he managed to open it, a tall figure with blue hair presented himself beyond the screen door. “Yuan?” 

“Happy Thanksgiving,” he greeted, holding a casserole dish in his arms. His eyes wandered over to Lloyd, making his way over at his own pace. “Oh, Lloyd’s still here?” 

“What are you doing here? I told you to come later,” Kratos hissed, but still opened the door for him to come inside. 

“Spirits, it’s almost nine,” Yuan said, flashing Lloyd a grin. “Nice to meet you, Lloyd. I’m sure your old man’s told you  _ all  _ about me.” He strode to the kitchen to set the pie down before undoing his scarf. 

“Shit, it’s that late?!” Lloyd exclaimed, coming back to himself to scramble for his cellphone in his pockets. “I was supposed to pick Col up from her parent’s house…!” He fumbled to press the call button, but the screen was blank.  _ My phone died, of course!  _ “Can I use your--”

“Hey, Kratos,” Yuan interrupted, a sly grin splitting his face. “I saw you had the albums out. Did you tell Lloyd about the time we--”

Kratos crossed his arms. “No.”

“Or what about the--”

“No, Yuan.”

He was not deterred, creeping closer with the same smile. “Is that picture still in there from the time we--”

_ “Stop it,  _ please,” Kratos groaned, pinching between his eyes as he turned away from him. “What did you need, Lloyd?”

“I need to use your phone,” he said, glancing between a smug Yuan and cross Kratos. “I-is that okay?” 

“Of course, it’s on the wall over there,” he replied. As he gestured to it, his eye caught the table that was still set from the dinner earlier. “Yuan, perhaps you could make yourself  _ useful  _ and help me clear things here.”

“Putting me to work already?” Yuan remarked. “Typical…”

Ignoring the other two, Lloyd lifted the phone off the receiver and dialed Colette’s number.  _ It’s one of the only ones I know by heart, might as well.  _ One ring, two rings, and then an answer.  _ “Hello?”  _ she answered.

“Hey hon, it’s me,” he sighed.

_ “Oh, hey! Where are you? Z came and got me, we’re on our way back--”  _ There was fumbling on the line, and suddenly, Zelos’ tenor came booming through.  _ “Dude, what the fuck are you doing over there?”  _

His venom took him aback, and his shoulders shrank in his sweater. “Hey, we just got looking at old pictures and stuff, w-we weren’t paying attention to the time…”

_ “Sorry, sorry,”  _ Zelos amended, sighing loud through the speaker.  _ “Angel called me to come pick her up, and I got into it with her dad, I’m...s-still a little tense.”  _

_ Damn it, damn it.  _ “I’m really sorry, babe. I-I’ll...make it up to you when I get home.”

_ “No, no, it’s all right. We can save the wall-banging sex for tomorrow~.” _

Lloyd hissed through his teeth. “Fuck you!”  _ One good thing, if he’s joking around like this, he can’t be too upset. That’s a relief.  _

_ “Gladly~.”  _ He could practically see the smarmy grin accompanying the tone.  _ “Come home soon, okay? I love you.”  _

“Love you, too.”

Colette could be heard floundering from the side.  _ “Wait, wait! Give me back the phone!”  _ Her voice came through clearer.  _ “I love you!”  _ she exclaimed.

Lloyd couldn’t help but grin. “Love you too, honey. I’ll be home in a half hour.”

He hung up the phone, and turned to find both Kratos and Yuan were watching him. “Is everything okay?” Kratos asked. 

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Just a little mix up, that’s all.” He shuffled his feet, scratching the back of his neck. “Ah, I really gotta get home, though. They’re waiting for me.”

“Girlfriend? Boyfriend?” Yuan asked, glancing between them.

A second’s hesitation. “Er...both,” Lloyd replied.  _ Somehow, I think he already knew, judging by the way he’s looking at me... _

He smirked, thin eyes dancing amusement. “Ah.”

“Before you go, Lloyd,” Kratos said, bounding off around the corner and out of sight. He came back almost immediately with a wrapped box under his arm. “Your birthday is coming up, right?” It was less a question, more a statement.  _ Of course he’d remember my birthday. I’m his son.  _ “This isn’t much, but...just a little something from me.”

“Thanks a lot,” Lloyd replied, taking it from his arms and starting to rip at the paper.

“You don’t have to open it now,” Kratos suggested. “After all, your...partners are waiting for you.”

“Y...yeah.”  _ I’m really...really amazed that they’re so relaxed about this. No questions, _

_ (“...that was many years ago.”) _

_ no strange looks... _

_ (Yuan with his arm around him, his arm around Mom) _

_...nothing.  _

“O-okay,” Lloyd said, nodding to both of them. “We should...get together again soon.” 

“Just let me know, and I can check my schedule,” Kratos replied, giving him a nod. “Have a good night, Lloyd.”

“Thanks...Dad,” he said, biting his lip. Strangely, he felt a chuckle bubble in his throat, but he kept it down, only revealing itself in a grin on his face. “Good to meet you, Yuan.”

He lifted one hand from his crossed arms. “Pleasure. Night, Lloyd.”

With a lift in his step, he made his way out the door into the night. As he stepped out onto the porch, he gazed back at Kratos’ house before him, as well as the starry night sky above him. “That wasn’t so bad,” he muttered to the sky. “Happy Thanksgiving, Mom.”

* * *

 

“You know,” Yuan said as Lloyd’s truck pulled out of the driveway. “In another world, I would’ve been  _ Uncle  _ Yuan.” He walked behind Kratos, running a hand along his lower back. “I think about that a lot.”

“So do I,” Kratos muttered, watching his every move.  _ I wonder,  _ he thought,  _ if she hadn’t died, and we could’ve had more time together, we could have...worked through this.  _

_ We could have had a compromise.  _

_ As for now… _

Yuan raised an eyebrow. “What’s that look for?” he asked, before turning his attention to the pie he had brought, taking the tinfoil off the top. “I haven’t seen you look at me like  _ that  _ in ages. Have you had a change of heart?”

Yuan waltzed to the oven and turned it back on, then wandered to the sink and turned on the tap, washing his hands.  _ I have Lloyd, now. A small piece of her still with me. So maybe...I can finally move on. Despite my selfishness.  _

“Well?” he asked again. 

Kratos tilted his head to the side. “Perhaps I have.”

* * *

When Lloyd arrived home, Colette and Zelos were cuddled on the couch, the former dozing in the crook of his arm. “There you are,” Zelos said. “Maybe you oughta charge your phone every once in awhile.” 

“Sorry! It usually lasts a week on one charge…” he replied sheepishly, throwing his coat on the back of the chair next to the bar.

Colette blearily opened one eye, accompanied by a sleepy grin. “Welcome home,” she yawned, holding her arms out for him.

“Hi, sweetie,” he greeted, tossing the present from Kratos on the coffee table and hugging her, kissing her, and then Zelos, both on the lips. “How did your evenings go?”

“Not too bad,” Colette said. “Same as usual, least until the end…”

“I could live without seeing your father ever again,” Zelos groaned, focusing his attention to Lloyd. “Princess here told her folks that you and her were dating, then I show up and make the grand mistake of giving her a huge hug in the driveway…”

_ “Oh,”  _ Lloyd replied, crinkling his nose. “So  _ that’s  _ it.”

“I think I’ve been preached at enough to last me a lifetime, but otherwise, that was the only incident,” Zelos said, twirling a strand of Colette’s hair lazily between his fingers.

“How was Seles?” he asked.

“Not bad. Stressed. CEO is a cushy job, but not as cushy as you think.” He stared down at the table. “Had to tell her I tried to kill myself again. Seemed happy that I was going to therapy again. Hey, what’s that?”

_ How can you be so nonchalant about that?  _ Lloyd thought incredulously, but chose not to pursue it further. “Oh, that’s an early birthday present from Kratos,” he replied.

“That’s right, it’s going to be next month,” Colette inserted, yawning again. “Wonder what he got you…”

“Only one way to find out,” Lloyd said, scooting over next to Colette and tearing the paper off the box. 

“You’re opening it now?” Zelos asked.

“Why not?” Wrapping paper fluttered to the ground, and he ripped off the top of the box. Inside, neatly folded, were three scarves--one red, one a warm blue, and the other gold. Underneath them was a note, written in Kratos’ even hand:

_ “Lloyd-- _ __   
__ Two of these were your mother’s, one of them is mine. Your grandmother knitted them for us over the course of a couple years. A small memento.  
Stay warm, happy birthday. _   
_ __ \--Kratos”

“Why three?” Colette marvelled, reaching for the blue scarf. “Ooh, it’s so soft…”

Zelos, in the meantime, began to chuckle, eventually turning into full-blown laughter. “What? What’s so funny?” Lloyd asked, amused.

“Nothing, nothing,” he said, shaking his head as he wrapped the golden yellow scarf around his neck a couple times. “You know what, Lloyd?”

Lloyd stroked the fabric of the red scarf, a little mesmerized until his voice broke his focus. “Wh-what?” he stammered.

Zelos kicked back, using the coffee table as a footrest, still snickering. “I think Kratos is one of us.”

“Uh…”  _ What does he mean...by that?  _ Lloyd thought, meeting Zelos’ grin with a perplexed look.

“These’ll be nice and warm in the winter time,” Colette mused, oblivious to their conversation in her sleepy stupor. She draped the scarf around her shoulders and leaned back against Zelos, closing her eyes. “Maybe it’ll snow soon…”

“Maybe,” Zelos replied, kissing the top of her head. “Let’s get you into bed, first.”

He guided her to her feet, then held her by her waist as he pushed her toward the hallway. “You too, honey,” he said, tilting his head back as far as he could. 

“Yeah, I’m coming.” He laid his scarf back on the couch, staring at it for a moment longer before following his datefriends.  _ I think this was the one Mom was wearing in that picture when she was pregnant with me. And he gave it to me… _

_ (“I think Kratos is one of us.”) _

The words lingered in the back of Lloyd’s mind, repeating themselves.  _ I mean...well, now that I think about it, he does have a point. Especially after seeing some of those pictures… _

_ (Yuan dancing with Kratos at his wedding…)  _

Lloyd smirked to himself.  _ Like father, like son. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really wanted to push this chapter, and so I did! Get a little bit of backstory on the original journey trio in this universe, some resolutions in Kratos' life, and some good father/son moments. I thought of many embarrassing pictures/situations to showcase in the photo album, not to mention awful 70's outfits. A lot of fun! 
> 
> We're getting right down to the wire in our story, friends. Next chapter: some snowy fun in Iselia!


	52. Snow Romp

“All right, line up everyone!” Lloyd commanded, knee deep in the snowy fields of Iselia. “Genis and I are going to pick teams!”

Six of them stood between two snow forts--Lloyd, Colette, Zelos, Sheena, Raine, and Genis--as the bright, overcast sky cast a monochrome tone over the fields of white and brown trunks of trees. _Just a day in the snow with friends,_ Lloyd thought, adjusting his hat and the red scarf Kratos gave him around his neck. _What's better than this?_

“Dude, there are only four of us to pick from,” Zelos complained, holding his arms and shivering a little. He was only in a modest peacoat and a gold scarf tied tight around his neck, his hair down around his ears to give him any extra warmth. Snowflakes fluttered stark against its flaming red hue.  _ I asked him if he wanted a better coat, but, no, he wouldn’t take it,  _ Lloyd thought.  _ “Hypothermia doesn’t set in that fast,” he said to me. Martel.  _

“That’s okay, it’s fun this way!” Colette exclaimed, attached to Zelos’ arm. She, on the other hand, was bundled head to toe, also wearing the blue scarf from Kratos’ package. A pink hat with a big pom-pom on the top, complete with matching mittens and a bulky, pale blue jacket.  _ She’s so cute,  _ he thought.  _ Like a little snow bunny.   
_

Raine crossed her arms, shaking her head. “Whatever works,” she said. 

“I’m surprised you came out today, Professor,” Lloyd remarked. 

“What, I can’t have a little fun?” she remarked, chuckling. “Genis would’ve dragged me out here anyway, or else you wouldn’t have even teams.”

“And to pile-drive you into the snow!” Genis exclaimed, running up to her and shoving her aside. She wobbled, but Sheena was right there to catch her, steadying her by her waist. 

“Hey, take it easy!” ey said. “We haven’t even started flinging snow at each other, the tackling comes later!” 

“Geez, all right, all right,” he sighed. A little resigned, he grabbed a coin out of his pocket. “Okay, we’ll flip to see who picks first.” 

He flicked the coin into the air, spinning a bright silver in the white, winter sky, but when he went to catch it, it slipped out of his gloves and right into the snow. “Uh,” he said.

“Lloyd goes first,” Raine decided with a smirk.

“What?! No fair!” Genis cried. 

“Maybe you should’ve thought a  _ coin toss _ wasn’t going to be great in two feet of snow,” Zelos commented through chattering teeth. Genis shot him a glare, which he didn’t return. Lloyd’s shoulders tensed.  _ I think we’ve smoothed things out between the  _ three  _ of us with him, but not necessarily between him and Genis. The little graduation party we held for Genis went okay, but-- _

_ (“I want to go home–!” Zelos clung hard to Lloyd, shaking. “He still hates my guts, he barely will l-let me touch you…or her–” _

_ “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Lloyd soothed, rubbing his back “We should’ve had it at our place, or something…” _

_ “N-no, this is my fault,” he insisted. “I’m just a high maintenance fucking bastard who roped you into all of this–” _

“Stop.” _ Lloyd forced him away and held his head in both hands, forcing him to make eye contact. “That’s not true. I thought Genis was going to be okay, but…it just looks like we’ve still got a ways to go.” _

_ “It’s me he hates! It’s me!” Zelos cried, face crumpling. “I c-can’t do anything about m-m-me…”) _

_ \--there were some rough spots.  _

“Fine, make your pick,” Genis sighed, resigned as he crossed his arms.

“Okay, I pick Raine!” Lloyd decided, pointing at his professor.

“What?!” Zelos exclaimed dramatically, pouting. “I’m hurt, truly!”

“It’s strategy!” he retorted, as Raine trudged over to him, a quiet, but amused, smirk on her face. “When you put Raine and Genis together, they’re unstoppable! I’m crippling his tactic!” 

“Damn it!” Genis growled. “Fine, I take Colette!” 

“Yay!” She bounced through the snow over to his side, standing at attention. She immediately stuck her tongue out at Lloyd.  _ Damn, that was my second choice.  _ His brow furrowed in thought.  _ Then again, if Genis and Zelos are on the same team, they’ll probably kill each other. Guess that settles it for me… _

“Okay, Zelos, get over here,” Lloyd said, gesturing to him with a grin.

“That’s more like it.” He rushed over to him and immediately mashed his body against his in an armless hug. “I’ll make the snowballs, and you can keep me warm.”

“Martel, get another jacket, then!” Lloyd huffed, automatically wrapping his arms around him.

Zelos’ voice dropped. “Oh, I was thinking of  _ different  _ ways~,” he crooned, kissing the top of his cheek. 

“You two better behave,” Raine said from beside them, an eyebrow raised while startling the boys.

“Y-yes, Professor!” Lloyd squawked, jumping back from Zelos.

Sheena meandered over to Genis, slinging eir arms around both his and Colette’s shoulders. “Come on, let’s leave those lovebirds in the dust and get to our fort,” ey said, pulling them along toward the other side of the field. 

“O-okay!” Colette craned her neck over, reaching out for her boyfriends as she was whisked away. 

“Our princess is getting kidnapped!” Zelos cried, the back of his palm against his forehead. The melodrama oozing from his voice was palpable. “We must rescue her before she’s fed to the goblins--!”

“And because you two weren’t paying attention,” Raine said, pointing. “They picked the fort that’s almost done. This one is only half built…”

It was a short walk to the snow pile that constituted their “fort”--the pristine, white powder had been padded together, but was highly unrefined. Genis’ team’s fort, on the other hand, had a dome shape, smoothed and sleek, with even some columns on the top. “How long have you guys been out here?” Lloyd asked, reaching in his pockets for his gloves.

“A couple hours, now,” Raine replied, crossing her arms. “When he gets started on something, he just  _ goes.  _ Besides, I think there’s a paper he’s procrastinating on.”

“That sounds more like it,” Zelos said. “Well, get to work on fixing it up.”

Lloyd crouched down, beginning to shape the snow into less of a mound and more of a wall.  _ Wait a sec…  _ “Wait. What are you going to do?” he asked.

“Me? Be pretty,” he said, posing and fluffing his hair. “And cold. I’m gonna be cold, too.”

Raine huffed, scowling down at the snow as she made snowballs. “Sheena would have been  _ infinitely _ more helpful,” she grumbled, packing snow in her gloves. 

“Maybe,” Lloyd whispered back.  _ This won’t be so bad to fix, just a few patches here, and if we can make it taller… _

“I can hear you guys, you know,” Zelos said, crossing his arms and pacing behind them. “Don’t need you to-- _ ”  _

_ Whump!  _

Snow flew from Genis’ fort, soaring right into the side of Zelos’ face. He stood, gaping and paralyzed as it melted, dripping down onto his jacket. “What the  _ fuck!?”  _ he exclaimed, smearing it off him. In the distance, Sheena’s head was overing just above the snow, shuddering with laughter. Zelos pointed and roared.  _ “You!”  _

“Duck down, weirdo!” ey cried, flinging another snowball that just barely missed his side. “You’re practically a walking target.”

“We were comrades!” he yelled, sinking to his knees as another ball flew over his head. “No, not you too, angel!”

Colette had poked up as well, giggling loud enough to be clearly heard through the snow. Zelos fell over to Lloyd’s shoulder, sulking into his coat. “The betrayal is too much for me to take--!” he sobbed mockingly. 

“Since when were you and Sheena ‘comrades’?” he asked, not bothering to push him away. 

“Us trans kids have to stick together, you know,” Zelos muttered. It was clear he didn't realize he spoke aloud, as he froze, then amended himself louder.  _ “Anyway…” _

“What?” Lloyd said, leaning back into him.

“Nothing, it’s nothing.” He began to fidget at Lloyd’s coat.

“I didn’t hear you, really.”

“F-forget about it. I-I’ll tell you later, with Col.” His voice was beginning to tremble, and Lloyd had the feeling it wasn’t because of the cold.  _ Zelos…?  _

“Boys,” Raine said. Lloyd immediately sat up.  _ That’s her teacher voice. It always puts a jolt in my chest.  _ “You better start fighting back if you don’t want to keep getting hit.” She had a neat little pile of snowballs arranged in a pyramid by her feet. “I’ve got some ammo to get us started.”

“Awesome,” Lloyd said, standing up and dusting off his knees from the snow.  _ What did he mean by that?  _ Zelos’ eyes were darting, and steam from the cold erupted from his nose at a quick rate.  _ It’s making him nervous though, so I shouldn’t push it too much.  _ He reached up and rubbed his back, causing him to jump, but he relaxed into a weak smile. “Hey, it’s okay.”

“Mmm,” he replied, biting at his lips. Dry as they were, he picked the skin off with his teeth, and a tiny trickle of blood pooled at his bottom lip. He licked it quickly, eye twitching. “Ah, Raine? Can I have one of those snowballs?” 

“Be my guest,” she said, tossing one over.

“Thanks.” He wound his arm back and chucked it across the field.  _ “Hah!”  _

It fell a little short, smacking into the wall of the fort instead of above it. “Missed!” Genis shouted, popping up from behind the fort and hurling it across the field. While clearly aimed for Zelos, it curved and grazed Lloyd’s ear. 

“My aim fuckin’ sucks,” Zelos complained, throwing another snowball only for it to be short again. “Do I look like I play sports?”

“You swam, didn’t you?” Lloyd said, tossing a snowball. It made a clean arc over the top of the fort, and a squeal from Colette confirmed his target. “That counts, doesn’t it?”

“It’s been  _ years  _ since I did swimming,” he replied, resorting to making snowballs. “Besides, you don’t do any throwing there.” 

Raine let a few snowballs fly herself, but was easily targeted by Genis and Sheena--the former grazed her, but the latter caught her in the shoulder. “Ah! Shoot!” she exclaimed, giggling. “You guys better keep it together…”

“I’ve got an idea,” Zelos said, beginning to grin. “We need to take a hostage.”

_ “What?”  _ Lloyd and Raine barked at once. 

“If I sneak over and nab Colette, we can force them to surrender,” he continued, rubbing his hands together. They were wet and red with cold. “It’s foolproof.”

“Yeah, a foolproof way to get _whitewashed,”_ Lloyd groaned. 

Zelos circled around him and wrapped his arms around his waist, spinning him around into his chest. “But I have my charms~,” he crooned, swaying their hips together. He gently bumped his head against Lloyd’s as his voice grew softer, more alluring. “I have my ways, babe~.”

“A-ah…” Before Lloyd even realized what was happening, he was drawn into a kiss, steam and blood both rushing to his face. He could still taste the vague coppery taste of Zelos’ swollen lip, but it was brief, and he even felt a small moan from his throat.  _ This is totally not the place, but… _

_...someone’s got to warm you up, huh?  _

_ “Boys!”  _ Raine snapped, rolling her eyes.

“Ew, quit making out over there!” Sheena taunted, sticking eir tongue out. “Or else I’m going to come tackle you!”

Zelos (finally) broke the kiss, but kept Lloyd close. “Oh, really?” he replied, then whispered down into Lloyd’s ear. “Cover me. I’m going in.”

“What?” But Zelos had already scurried away, ducking low as he rushed through the foot of snow built up on the ground. Lloyd bounced on his toes, huffing. “Come  _ on,  _ Z!” 

“He sure is a character,” Raine remarked, shaking her head. However, her face became reflective, instead of the common disdain Lloyd expected her to have. “You love him anyway, though, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Lloyd chuckled, his mouth a little dry. “I...I do.”

“Hey,  _ hey!  _ You aren’t supposed to be over here!” Genis’ voice carried through the snow as commotion bubbled from the other fort. 

“That’s your cue,” Raine said, jerking her head.

“Guess so,” Lloyd replied, and scrambled out to the other fort.

The snow was heavy to run through, winding him far sooner than he expected, and when he arrived, he found Zelos clutching Colette around the waist, while Sheena tried eir damnedest to rip her away from him. “Oh, just in time, babe!” Zelos grunted. “Here, grab her feet, we’ll lift her up!”

_ “Zelos! Stop it!”  _ Colette squealed, kicking snow up as hard as she could, squirming in his arms. 

“I’m taking her back!” Sheena shouted, then jumped back as ey got a mouthful of snow in eir face from Colette’s flailing. “Aw,  _ shit! Pleh!”  _

“You guys--!” Genis whined, stomping his foot. “You’re ruining everything!” 

“I’m making things more interesting!” Zelos retorted, starting to lose his grip. “Yo, a little help! The legs, the legs!” 

After watching the carnival for a good minute, Lloyd finally sprung into action, deftly avoiding her kicking and grabbing her by her thighs, tucking them under his arm. “Okay, let’s go!” Lloyd shouted, turning and trudging back toward the center of the field.

“Whoa,  _ whoa!  _ Not so fa-a- _ ast!”  _ Zelos cried, stumbling and slipping in order to keep up. 

The longer they walked, the more Colette sagged on her front end, and the heavier she seemed to get. Lloyd adjusted her underneath him so he could walk backwards, keeping an eye on them. “You got it?” Lloyd asked.

“Kinda--” Zelos said, before his arms gave out, and Colette plopped butt first into the snow. “Damn it-- _ agh!”  _ His momentum threw him backwards, and after a few stumbling steps, he too flopped backwards beside Colette.

“Are you guys okay?” he said, even as Colette had disintegrated into fits of laughter. 

“This is fun!” she exclaimed, holding her arms out to him. “Come on--!”

“What?  _ Ack!”  _ As he took hold of them, she surprised him by yanking him forward, throwing off his balance and making them a complete trio on the snow covered ground. Above them, the sun tried to peek out from the overcast sky, shining blinding white light against the snow. “Damn, you got me…” Lloyd huffed, the wet cold threatening to soak his snowpants.

“I don’t see how getting snow down the back of your neck is any fun,” Lloyd heard Zelos grumble from somewhere behind him.

“Nah,” Lloyd sighed, stretching his arms out beside him in an attempt to reach for his datefriends. The snow surrounding him muffled most outside sounds, leaving only the rhythm of his body in his ears--the beating of his heart, the puffing of his breathing, the occasional sniffle. “But...this is.”

A crunching shuffle of pressure compressing ice crystals resonated beside him, and soon Colette was at his side, holding his arm. “Yeah,” she said quietly, leaning over to kiss his cheek. Her own cheeks were flush from the chill, eyes bright in the white light.  _ Goddess, you’re beautiful,  _ he thought. While it was still fresh in his mind, he sat up to kiss her, warm lips in the cool air. 

“Hey.” Zelos had sat up while they kissed, snow clumped in his long hair. “I love you two, you know that?”

“Uh-huh!” Colette chirped, beaming at him. She reached out and poked his nose, evoking a giggle and a rare shy look from Zelos.  _ It’s always weird to see him bashful, but it’s endearing every time.  _

“If you guys aren’t going to play, we’re heading inside!” Genis shouted, already taking off from the fort. Sheena and Raine were close behind him, but Genis clearly had the lead, hands shoved in his pockets.  


“All right, we’ll be right there!” Lloyd called back. He addressed the others much more quietly. “Hey hon, doesn’t that sound  _ exactly  _ like something he’d say--”

“--When we were kids!” Colette finished for him. “Oh Goddess, all the time…”

“Some things don’t change, then?” Zelos remarked. 

“Got that right,” Lloyd replied. He sat up fully, and reached for their hands--a mitted one from Colette, and a bare one from Zelos. “We’re going to freeze out here, let’s get inside.”

* * *

In the evening, the trio found themselves huddled under a single blanket in Dirk’s cottage, hot cocoa steaming in their hands and a flickering fire lighting their faces. In the middle, Lloyd sipped his cocoa, even as it burned his tongue. “Guh, Dad always heats this up too much,” he said, making a face.

“It has to be warm though, or it’s not good cocoa,” Colette reminded him, head on his shoulder.

Zelos fidgeted on his other side, looking around. “Has Dirk already gone to bed?” he asked.

“Probably,” Lloyd replied. “He wakes up at 4:30 every morning to go out into the woods, so I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“And he doesn’t mind us sleeping over?”

“Course not.” Lloyd leaned over to set his mug down, cuddling into Zelos. Looking up at him, his light eyes almost burned yellow in the firelight. “Someone’s probably going to have to sleep on the floor, though.”

“I’ll take it.” Zelos swallowed hard, fidgeting under the blanket. “Hey, listen, I...L-Lloyd…”

“Yeah?” he asked. A wave of sleepiness was starting to hit him, his body steadily thawing from the dry fire.  _ I could just fall asleep right here, between them… _

“Um, about...about what I said earlier…” he started, then sighed, fussing with a strand of his hair.

“Hm?” Colette poked forward. “Did something happen?”

“W-well, no, just…” He huffed, frustration creeping into his expression. “Okay. You know how Sheena is trans?”

“Yeah?” Colette’s head perched evenly on Lloyd’s shoulder.

“Well...I’m trans too.” Zelos squeezed his eyes shut, and Lloyd could feel his whole body tense against him. “N-not in the same way, but...s-same sort of...of…”

Lloyd sat up and put his arm around his shoulder, drawing him closer. “It’s okay,” he said quietly.  _ “Us trans kids have to stick together”, that’s what he said, right? I should’ve figured.  _ “If you need anything from us, just let us know, okay?”

“Th-that’s it?” Zelos choked, shaking his head. “You’re always so  _ casual  _ about shit like this, fuck, I asked you on a  _ date  _ and you just said ‘what time?’ Goddess…”

“Maybe I  _ wanted  _ to go on a date with you, and I just didn’t know it yet,” Lloyd remarked.  _ Thinking back, I probably did. I wanted to be closer… _

“Zelos,” Colette said. “We’re your partners, and we’re here for you no matter what.”

“Oh, honey,” Zelos sighed. “I used to dress up like a woman and go out on the town like that. And I only  _ barely  _ pass. And then I can turn around and I’m a dude again. I’m both, crammed into one shitty body.” He started to grin, but his voice grew faster, more panicked. “Doesn’t that scare you? Unsettle you? Doesn’t that--”

“No,” she said firmly.

“It doesn’t,” Lloyd affirmed.  _ Zelos as a girl…  _ “Whatever feels right for you,  _ is  _ right for you. And it’s right for us, too. Because we love you.”

“Don’t say things you don’t mean,” he spat suddenly. “I’m a coward too, remember? And I didn’t have the guts to even  _ tell _ you.” He bit his lip hard, reopening the cut and drawing blood. “I was  _ never... _ going to tell you. I th-thought I could just shove it down and f-forget about it so you w-wouldn’t l-leave--!” He shoved his head into the blanket as he escalated, gasping into its soft fabric.

“Z!” Lloyd hugged him. “You  _ don’t  _ have to hide things from us. E-even if it  _ were  _ something bad.” He made a point to look directly at Zelos, just as he rose to peer back at him with one, watery eye. “You...being trans...is not a bad thing. At all.”

“I-it’s not, huh?” Zelos chuckled, sitting back up. “Funny, it was  _ me  _ telling Sheena that a while ago. I’m terrible at following m-my own advice, aren’t I…?”

“Scoot,” Colette said. She whipped the blankets off herself and made her way around to Zelos’ other side, placing him in the middle after Lloyd moved over. As soon as she settled in, she reached under the blanket and took both of his hands in hers. “You’re good. I promise.”

His face crumpled. “A-ah…” He shook his head, trying to shake the tears. “D-damn, I-I...I just want to believe it...when am I going to believe it?”

“We’ll do whatever it takes to help,” Lloyd said. 

_ (if it even works) _

He bit the inside of his cheek.  _ No, there’s no point in thinking like that. Stuff like this...takes time. And I want to be there when he finally believes that he’s worth something. I want to see a smile on his face… _

_ I want him to love himself, as much as we love him. _

“Do you need us to...call you something different?” Colette asked tentatively.

“No, no,” he replied, squeezing her hands. “I’m still Zelos, hell, you can use the same pronouns, even, I don’t care about that myself.” He glanced at the fire, flames slowly dying down from lack of attention. “Maybe...I’ll show you guys the pictures I have when we get home. And some other stuff, too.”

_ Pictures, huh?  _ Lloyd thought. Various images 

_ (Zelos covered in makeup, cherry red lipstick, fluttering his lashes and hovering over him, that look in his eyes he gets when he’s about to devour him--) _

floated through his head, but he stuffed them down in favor of focusing on his boyfriend’s current, drawn face. “Is there anything we can do?” he said, brushing away a lock of his hair.

Zelos turned slowly toward him, letting go of Colette’s hands to move closer. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Kiss me.”

His response was immediate, taking Zelos’ lips into his own as he kissed, kissed, and kissed him again. Lloyd’s free arm wandered to hug across his chest, fingers grazing down his shirt. His tongue fluttered briefly in his mouth, and Zelos welcomed it, deepening the kiss for a moment, just a moment, a fragment of desire and intimacy, before they broke. Much more relaxed than before, Zelos smiled faintly. “If I could kiss you every hour of every day, I would,” he muttered. 

Lloyd felt light headed.  _ Z… _

“But, I can’t,” he continued, turning over to Colette. “Because I have other lips to kiss. Angel, would you do me the honor?”

She giggled, shy and gentle. “Of course,” she replied, and their lips met. Watching them, Lloyd could feel the rhythm of their kiss in his own lips, as Zelos took Colette’s hands again.  _ It’s impossible to kiss all at the same time, we only tried that once,  _ he thought.  _ But if it  _ were  _ possible…  _ Heat rushed to the top of his head again, just as they parted, both of their eyes lowered as they met. 

“This is not the place to have sex,” Zelos stated softly.

“No, it’s not,” Colette replied, then snuggled into him. “Are you feeling better?”

“Mm, I think so.” He settled deeper into the couch, stretching his arms out to wrap around the both of them. “It’s hard not to, with you two.”

“Good,” Lloyd said. 

Silence fell between them. The fire had almost completely out in the fireplace, but it still radiated warmth to the trio in the darkening room. “Zelos?” Colette said, yawning. “I think...you’d make a really pretty girl.”

“You think so?” he replied. “Coming from the prettiest girl I know, that’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Lloyd nuzzled into his shoulder, drowsiness beginning to take hold of him again.  _ The more time goes by, the more we learn about him. The more we learn about each other.  _ His blinks became slower, until his eyes winked shut, slow and easy.  _ I wonder if there’ll be a time when we’ll know everything about each other, shadow every move, memorize every line. _

_ Would it be worth it, I wonder? _

Zelos’ arm weighed heavily on his shoulder, a warm accompaniment to the blanket draped over him.  _ As long as we’re learning together...that’s all that matters. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snowball fights! I got this idea from a ship meme I filled out a while back on the meta blog. Uh, Zelos coming out to the gang wasn't planned for, though, it sort of just happened and I kept following through with it. Kind of wraps that up though! I sucker punched myself with that conflict writing it the other night...
> 
> Not all trans experiences are the same--for Zelos, when he's in "femme mode", passing is really important to him, i.e. "looking like a pretty girl". Hell, he likes to look like a pretty boy, too, when he's not in dysfunctional depressive mode. The true bigender menace. Whereas Sheena is pretty agender--ey're not in the binary at all, ey just want to be as neutral as ey can for the most part. So, yeah! That's that.
> 
> Next chapter is going to be the **final chapter** of this fic. I hope you're excited! This has certainly been a long journey, and it's a little bittersweet to see it end. So, no teasers, just stay tuned!


	53. Year's End

The night was clear, crisp, and spotted with stars as Lloyd, Colette, and Zelos stood in the middle of the Tethe’alla Bridge, leaning over the railing. “You sure you’re okay with this?” Lloyd asked Zelos, bumping his hip against him and squeezing him further against Colette. “I know, we could’ve gone into Meltokio…”

“No, no, it’s okay,” he said. “I’ve walked and driven over here since then, just haven’t  _ stood  _ on it.” He tucked part of his hair behind his ear to get a better look down at Lloyd. “And besides, didn’t you say this was the best place to see the fireworks?”

“It is!” Colette exclaimed, clinging to Zelos’ arm. “Raine used to take us out here when we were kids, too. They shoot them off over on that bay, out there.”

She pointed across the water to a spot that was difficult to see, but Zelos nodded nonetheless. “Gotcha,” he murmured, kissing the top of her head. Suddenly, he started to laugh--small, stuttering snickers evolving into heartier sounds from his chest.

“What?” Lloyd said, unable to help himself from smirking. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, nothing,” he dismissed, shaking his head. “Just thinking...this was where it all started, you know?” A smile lingered on his face. “Technically, where  _ we  _ started.  _ Us.”  _

“I...guess you’re right.”  _ Yeah, that spring day when I was running late to work at the hardware store, and there you were. Ready to jump.  _

“You two...really saved my life,” Zelos said, linking his hand in with Lloyd’s, and drifting the other down to Colette’s, adjusting her grip on his arm. “I didn’t expect to get through the next  _ week,  _ let alone see another birthday, or the end of another year.”

“But you did,” Colette inserted, worming her way around so she created the new center of the triangle, taking Lloyd’s hand at the same time, back to the bridge railing. “You did, and now you’re here with us!”

“That I am, sweetie,” Zelos chuckled as she swung his hand. “I sure am.”

“A lot’s happened this year,” Lloyd remarked. “I mean, we got together, I switched majors, we moved, I found my birth dad…”

“Made up with my sister…” Zelos continued.

Colette bounced on her toes. “Oh, oh yeah!” she said. “Something big happened for me too, something I haven’t told you yet!” 

“What’s that, princess?” Zelos asked, squeezing her hand.

“Well, right before the winter break, I took some advanced placement tests for post-grad work,” she started, swinging both of their arms back and forth. “And...I got accepted! To Meltokio U!”

“Honey, that’s great!” Lloyd gasped, lunging forward to hug her. He ended up dragging Zelos into it as well, with all their hands linked, and they both embraced her as she giggled. “I’m so proud of you!”

“Looks like all those nights you were up when I came home from radio paid off,” Zelos said. “Maybe now you can get some beauty rest?”

She giggled. “Maybe! I’ll be starting late into next year.” Her face was nearly glowing, another star in the inky, winter night. “And it’s barely a commute, too! Uh, I think.”

“The city’s big, angel,” Zelos remarked. “You might still need to drive. And good luck with parking around that area…” He sighed, steam erupting from his nose. “You know, I can’t pay for your tuition in full over there, but I can hook you up with a grant from MMI. I’m sure Seles wouldn’t mind.”

“You can do that?” Lloyd marveled. “I mean,  _ she  _ can do that?”

“Pretty sure,” he replied. “Pull a few strings here and there, nothing I haven’t done before.”

“Oh, Z, you don’t have to,” Colette stammered, shuffling her feet. “All the scholarship stuff is done in the spring, so I can just--”

“Don’t worry, pretty girl,” Zelos interrupted. He leaned down and stopped her speech with a kiss on her lips. “I’ll take care of it somehow. It’s the least I can do.”

He weaved, still holding their hands, and it was his turn to lean back against the railing. “Another year gone by,” he mused. “A rare New Year’s where I’m not black-out drunk.” He chuckled, but his datefriends didn’t join him. “Got any resolutions?”

“I don’t really do resolutions,” Lloyd replied. “I think they’re too...I don’t know. It’s like you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. You can make resolutions anytime, you know.”

“Yeah, I guess…” Zelos trailed off, sinking into silence.  _ I wonder what your resolutions were,  _ Lloyd thought as a gust of wind blew through the bridge.  _ If I’m going to be honest, it’d probably be something like “try not to die”.  _ His eye twitched, and it was drawn to the lapping water below them.  _ We’ve had some ups and downs, but...things are a lot better from where we started. A hell of a lot better. _

“Oh!” Colette gasped, pointing with the hand she held with Zelos. “Did you see it?! Did you see it?! It was a shooting star! Oh my gosh!” 

“Oh no, I missed!” Zelos exclaimed, and Lloyd chuckled.  _ Even he gets caught up in her excitement now. It’s cute.  _ “Are you going to make a wish, kitten?”

“Mmhmm!” She squeezed her eyes shut and puffed out her cheeks for several seconds, as her boyfriends looked on in amusement. “Haah! Done!” She let out a gust of air, and relaxed their hands just a little. “Wanna know what I wished for?”

“You’re not supposed to tell anyone, or else it won’t come true,” Lloyd said.

“Says who?” she retorted, pouting.

“Says...uh, a lot of people. That’s what Dad always told us.”

“Well, I don’t care!” she insisted, shaking her head wildly. “I’m going to tell you anyway!”

“All right, what is it?” Zelos asked, bringing her hand up to his face and kissing it.

She closed her eyes, her energy dropping just enough to manage a soft voice, and an equally soft smile across her lips. “I wished…” she started. Her smile grew as she opened her eyes. “That the three of us could be happy together for another year.”

Lloyd’s heart fluttered, and a great, big grin engulfed his face. “That’s…” he began, but as she beamed at him, sunshine in the dark, blue eyes sparkling, he found he couldn’t continue.  _ Colette, you’re truly the sweetest, the best partner I could have ever asked for.  _

“That’s reasonable,” Zelos remarked. Only the surface held its dryness, as he was smiling just as big as well, and if Lloyd wasn’t mistaken, his eyes looked a little glassy as well. “I think...I would’ve wished for the same thing, too.”

_ Zelos…  _ Lloyd couldn’t hold himself in anymore. “I love you,” he blurted, relinquishing their hands. “Come here…!”

He grabbed both of them by their waists into a bear hug, shoving his head into where their shoulders met, cheeks beginning to ache.  _ I couldn’t ask...for more than this. I love you, Zelos. I love you, Colette.  _

_ I wouldn’t mind… _

_...spending the rest of my life with you two.  _

“How’re you doing?” Zelos murmured into his hair. 

“I’m...I’m great.” Oddly, his words were choked, voice cracking. “I’ve never been better.”

Colette poked her head up. “Oh, look! They’re starting!”

A single, white firework pierced the sky, exploding into fragments of glittering light above the bridge. Commotion bubbled behind them, and soon, the trio were joined by other couples who came to see the sights.  _ I almost forgot there were other people here,  _ Lloyd thought sheepishly, still holding his datefriends.

“Is it midnight already?” Zelos asked, pulling out his phone. “11:59. Close enough.” He yanked Lloyd over by the waist and pressed him against his body, giving him a huge, full kiss on the mouth.  _ I remember when I first kissed you,  _ Lloyd thought, eyes blinking closed.  _ I was nervous as hell, but I wanted it to last forever.  _ He broke with another small kiss. “Happy New Year, babe,” he murmured.

Before he could reply, he pushed off him and leaped for Colette. “And you too, princess,” he said, performing the same action to her. She squeaked as he kissed her, and it soon evolved into a mutual fit of giggles. “Cutie. Happy New Year.”

“Yay, Happy New Year!” she cheered, then made eyes for Lloyd. “Sweetie, come here!”

It didn’t take much for their lips to meet--Colette’s kisses were much more soft and shy than Zelos’ were, but honest all the same.  _ She’s changed since we were kids growing up, with me being too stupid to realize I had fallen for her, but...a lot of her is the same. She kisses just the same.  _

“Hey, if you guys keep sucking face, you’re gonna miss the show,” Zelos teased, squeezing their waists so that they bumped foreheads.

“Hey--!” Colette exclaimed, giggling madly as she broke away from Lloyd. The three of them huddled together as the spectacle exploded above them. Fireworks of all colors--reds, greens, blues, and purples--shone in a sparkling display, raining sparks down over the river. 

“This is great,” Zelos said, his voice laced with awe. “I’m...glad we came here. I’m glad we’re here together.”

“Me too,” Lloyd replied immediately.

“Me three!” Colette agreed. “Here’s to another year together--!”

_ And another, and another.  _ Lloyd found it difficult to focus on the fireworks--the smiles of Zelos and Colette were much brighter in his eyes.  _ I want to make this last--this love, this happiness-- last for as long as I can. I hope… _

_...I hope things never change. _

* * *

_ “When the time we have now ends, _ __  
_ And when the big hand goes round again, _ __  
_ Can you still feel the butterflies? _ _  
_ __ Can you still hear the last goodnight?”

“For Me This Is Heaven”, Jimmy Eat World,  _ Clarity _

_...fin. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started doing concept work for this piece as early as March 2015, from what I can remember. I was having a slow day at work, feeling admittedly shitty about myself and my life, and one thing I thought of was: "Do you know who _else_ feels really awful about their life? Zelos Wilder." I was really enamored with Zelette at the time, but I liked Colloyd as well, and my thought was, "why not both"? So, while things were quiet, I dug out my notebook and my pink stick pen, and jotted out some character sketches for a more modern setting. I mulled over this idea for probably a month, fleshing out a plot web, making an AO3 account (yes--I made an account purely to post this fic!), and finally in late April, I published the first chapter.
> 
> I was a little nervous at first. I wasn't sure if I would be able to get an audience for a work like this, especially one I knew would at least be a little long. I had no idea it would stretch quite to this scale, nor that it would make such an impact on others. Judging by the comments, and by people coming directly to me, it seems that I've done proper work as a writer.
> 
> So _thank you_ , everyone, for coming on this little journey with me.
> 
> You can listen to the celebratory radio podcast [here.](https://archive.org/details/jumperradiostream) It runs about 3 hours--skip to the 15 minute mark for the start of the show.
> 
> The memory circles (short flash fics) that were on the meta blog [ can be found here, all in one place.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6163428) They're nice little blurbs and insights on the characters, and take place all throughout the main story, so check 'em out if you haven't gotten the chance! 
> 
> What's next? I'm planning on taking the first half of the story (up to the get-together) and reworking it to make it an original piece for publishing. If that comes to fruition, you can be sure that I'll let you know! 
> 
> As for these guys...I may continue their story in the future, in another work, but for now--Lloyd, Colette, and Zelos go into the future in good spirits. There will be more ups and downs, that's for sure, but they'll get through this together.
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! I'll see you in the next fic!


End file.
